đ April 1991: TEMPLE OF THE DOG released their self-titled album.
(đ· Temple Of The Dog & Mother Love Bone)
đ¶ 'Hunger Strike' ~ Temple Of The Dog â



#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire armand#assad zaman


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đ April 1991: TEMPLE OF THE DOG released their self-titled album.
(đ· Temple Of The Dog & Mother Love Bone)
đ¶ 'Hunger Strike' ~ Temple Of The Dog â

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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10. Bathroom wall (Part Three) a.k.a. a queen bee, Prince in the shower and a backup Casanova
In the previous parts: The bunch spends a free evening in a bar, where local girls are trying to get closer to the band members. Dave suggests Jeff that he should make Judy jealous but sheâs too busy with being outraged about a girl named Claudia dancing with Stone. Finally, Claudia backs down; after a fight with Stone, Judy reveals to Karrie, that her made-up stories about Stone had to do something with her reaction. In the meantime, Mike is feeling sick and refuses Karrieâs advice to take his health issues more seriously. She also shows him pictures of Effie but Mikeâs evening ends with a surprising twist. Judy tries to calm down with the help a relaxing shower but she gets unexpected company in the common bathroomâŠÂ
@shadowsonoureyes I think I almost completed your drabble challenge đ
âI got a lion in my pocket and baby he's ready to roarâŠâ
God, I wish this was only a nightmare and I woke up suddenly realizing nothing of this madness has happened actually, maybe I could even laugh at the whole setting. But now, laughing is the last thing I feel like doing, Iâve been standing here since who knows when, Iâm freezing, I wanna finish my shower, I wanna dry myself, I wanna get out of here⊠this with the lots of âwannasâ sounds like some random lyrics of The Ramones⊠But as things stand at the moment, Iâll grow old and die here because this skinny hippo has been splashing beyond the wall for at least fifteen minutes, performing the longest and most inconsistent mix of Prince songs ever, deliberately altering the lyrics, changing the range of lines or even skipping some of them whereas repeating other ones infinitely like a broken record player.
âYou got the horn so why don't you blow itâŠâ
Actually, Iâve even started playing with the idea of turning the water on again, maybe this capybara enjoys listening to his own voice enough not even to hear it. But no, thatâd be too risky. But I could definitely get rid of the shower gel bottle to be able to rub along my body against cold, Iâve been squeezing that little plastic flask at full strength since he entered here, as if it could help me become invisible. I slowly stoop to place it on the ground in the corner feeling like a compromised spy whoâs ordered to put her weapon down without making any suspicious or ambiguous move; but due to the slippery surface under my soles I lose my balance and as I catch towards the wall to prevent myself from falling I drop it⊠and it lands with a loud crash in the metal shower tray. Fuuuuck⊠I freeze immediately and perk up my ears holding my breath trying to figure out if he heard it too⊠of course he heard it, it was as ear-splitting as a rocket launch but maybe he was too distracted andâŠ
âIs somewhere there? Whoâs that?â
He heard itâŠ
âWhoâs that? Scully? Is that you? Donât be so shy, weâve known each other for ages, Iâll even wash your back if you need helpâŠâ
Okay, Judy, you canât hide any longer, you have to find out something, anything⊠what if I just ran out with a battle cry and grabbed my towel and⊠okay, maybe something more discreet would be more adequate.
âScully? Iâm coming overâŠâ
âNO!!!â I scream.â Itâs not Scully⊠itâs me⊠JudyâŠâ I manage to reveal my identity only for the third attempt since my voice wonât obey and insists on sounding comically high-pitched. âAnd thanks but Iâd skip the offer, I can reach my back.â Jesus, I donât know why Iâm babbling this, itâs likeâŠ
âOh⊠I didnât know it was you. Actually, I thought I was alone, you were so silent⊠I couldnât even hear the water running at youâŠâ
âBecause⊠because⊠it wasnât running since⊠itâs a part of my shower routine, I begin it with hot water then I turn it off and stand a few minutes until I start feeling Iâm freezing, this method works wonders on the blood circulationâŠâ I basically yell the end of my bullshit excuse since I turned the water on in the meantime to finally put an end to this awkward situation. Unfortunately, when I turn it off, I can hear heâs still humming, seriously, how much time does he need to dry his balls?
âAnyway⊠you were right.â he speaks up out of the blue.
I was right? Meaning what? Youâre a pervert? Youâre a bitch who would bang everything that moves?
âThe acoustics in this room are truly excellent.â
You donât sayâŠ
âIâm flattered by the fact that once in a blue moon you are willing to agree with me. And, uhm, Iâm ready with my shower and as youâve probably already noticed, my towel is hanging on the wall on the other side so⊠so Iâd feel honored if you leftâŠâ
âIf I left?â
Yes, I mean get the fuck out you pig, you heard it well.
âWhy would I leave? I want to enjoy these fascinating circumstances a little bit longerâŠâ
I should have known this wouldnât be easy, this must be like a dream come true for him: holding me hostage, taking advantage of my miserable situationâŠ
âBut seriously, just listen: I really get a dirty mind whenever you're around⊠Awesome!â
I roll my eyes so hard that I can see my own frontal lobe⊠Being forced to listen to Stoneâs falsetto serenade while being butt naked, fuck, I didn't know what I was missing in my life until now.
âWhat do you want? Should I sing a fuckinâ duet with you for my freedom?â
âThatâs not a bad idea, actually⊠what about Together Forever by Rick Astley?â I hear him snapping with his fingers and giggling at his brilliant idea.
âWell, the performance of Under Pressure would sound more honest from my mouth right nowâŠâ
âYouâre just so negative, nothing can please you today seemingly. But as a sign of my generosity, Iâm ready to give you that towel.â
How can a voice be so irritating? This nasal tone with the mannered Northwestern accent makes sound everything what he says extremely annoying, I could punch him even for citing the headlines of a newspaper.
âHa-ha, very funny, Gossard. But letâs skip your cheap tricks and move your aaaâŠself out of here.â
âCheap tricks? I donât think thereâd be anything interesting to see here, plus, youâre forgetting about a very important factor: Iâm out here wearing a towel whereas you are in there wearing nothing so it is me who makes the rules. But, again, Iâm a genuine guy so I give your towel to you, all you have to do is to ask me.â the pain in the ass goes on with his rant.
âOkay. GIVE ME THAT FUCKINâ TOWEL!â I scream angrily stomping of helplessness.
âWhy do you have to be so rude? Youâre hurting my sensitive soul all the time; if you want me to cooperate, you have to be kind and ask me nicely.â
Once I get out of here, Iâm going to fuckinâ kill you, I swear, Iâm going to kill you ten times, Iâm going to kill your reincarnated bodies too even if you will be reborn as a cute kitten or a baby giraffeâŠ
âGIVE ME THAT FUCKINâ TOWEL! Please?â I yell again and append a fake, cheesy appeal to my words.
âYou see? It sounds immediately completely different.â he snickers satisfied.
âOkay, but we have to clear the logistics first. I think the least awkward way would be you standing facing the door, handing the towel backwards to me and I would reach out for it andâŠâ
âDo you really think I wanna peep?â he asks with amused smugness in his voice.
I do? I donât? Shit, thereâs no right answer to this question, I mean, Iâm not interested in him at all, I donât care what he might think about my look, my body, I donât even know whether he would think anything at all or heâd just act neutrally like I wasnât a woman or human at all but fuck, Iâm a human, Iâm a woman, I could be the possible subject of a guyâs interest too and when I mean âa guyâ I donât think necessarily about him although heâs a guy tooâŠ
âI donât give shit about what you want, what I want is to minimize the level of my retinal damage by not seeing your face, so please do me a favor, turn away from me and give me that goddamn towel.â
By the time Iâve finished the sentence, a pale body with something bright blue at waist-level appears on my horizon with funny side-sliding steps. Heâs standing with his back to me, as far as I can judge it even without my glasses, my assumption is only based on the dark trail of his hair on his back. Or heâs an aberrant psychopath who covered his face with his hair to deceive me. He pulls my towel off the wall⊠okay, that means heâs truly facing the opposite wall unless his shoulders are especially flexible⊠damn, he reaches it backwards to me lifting his arm to the same height⊠Iâm still not sure about his exact postureâŠ
I slowly walk to the edge of the shower tray, hesitating for a few seconds which one of my body parts I should keep covered before reaching out for it. With a deep sigh, I opt for my breasts and try to grab my towel but thereâs still almost a one-yard distance between our hands.
âStone⊠youâre too far⊠could you come closer?â I moan in agony.
âInteresting⊠until now, you wanted me to go away and now youâre asking me the opposite. Or youâre just trying to trick me into touching you and then get me arrested for sexual assault⊠no, Camden, I donât buy it. Anyway, walking backwards is dangerous, what if stumble and fall and break my neck? Itâd be safer if you came out of your hiding place, you canât spend the rest of your life there when Iâm gone, I donât careâŠâ
I donât know what Iâve done to deserve this but I obviously have no choice⊠I approach him with sneaking steps while terrible thoughts are chasing each other in my mind⊠What if he can rotate his head 180 degrees like owls? What if heâs got extraordinary eyes like chameleons and due to his particularly developed peripheral vision he can see basically everything around him?
As I finally touch the terry cloth fabric, I immediately tear the towel out of his hand and wrap it around myself. His arm swings automatically back to his body as if it was pulled by a spring and while I pull back into my shelter to dry all my body parts, he keeps standing at attention on the same spot.
âAhem⊠Iâm ready so⊠you can goâŠâ I make an attempt to get rid of him.
âYouâre not a quick learner⊠and youâre pretty ungrateful⊠I havenât heard the magic word yet.â
I canât believe this. And I can be grateful to him for not humiliating me even moreâŠ
âThanksâŠâ I mumble.
âI didnât understand it⊠itâs strange, the acoustics in that corner must be different, it absorbs sound wavesâŠâ
âThank you, Stone Almighty Gossard, nothing could express my eternal gratitude, youâre my savior, Iâd be nothing without you, from now on, Iâm your slave!!!â I shout paying special attention to my articulation.
âCould you hear the echoes too? Much better.â he clicks with his tongue satisfied and disappears from my sight with the same hilarious moves he made earlier. âGood night, Judith, and if you happen to have erotic dreams this night, please keep them for yourself, Iâd feel embarrassed if you told me about itâŠâ he adds and as I open my mouth for some snarky retort, I hear the door slamming.
Finally. This⊠prick is just unbelievable, after his performance at the bar he thinks he did me a favor by not behaving a like a perv? And erotic dreams? Come on, Iâd rather puked myself to death of his sight.
I have to use the awkward choreography I invented earlier to get back to my stuff I left on the chair, although I myself donât really understand either, why, Iâm alone after all... As I lean down for my glasses, my fingers reach out for⊠nothing. Theyâre gone! I grope the whole chair along⊠still nothing! I put down the shower gel bottle and try to crouch down to check the floor under the chair, which is not easy to do at all without exposing my intimate body parts. I keep adjusting the towel with my left hand while I try to scan trough every inch of this goddamn place with the other one and Iâm about to drop the freakinâ towel when I hear a weird noise from behind my back. Snorts⊠silent snorts⊠like someone was suppressing laughter⊠oh shit. That moron, that son of a bitch⊠heâs Satan, I told it.
I straighten up as fast as I can, I can only hope he didnât see my backside or my nipples or⊠why canât I die here and now without more suffering?
As far as I can see him without my spectacles, heâs leaning against the sink and checking me out with folded arms.
âTaking away my glasses? Thatâs the most creative idea you could find out? Seriously, where are we, in third grade maybe?â I attack him but in the meantime I realize I should calm down, seeing me being upset is probably his favorite entertainment. âOkay, Gossard, go ahead. I donât know why you crafted this vicious plan with trapping me here, taking away my glasses, stalking me⊠letâs get over with it, whatever you wantâŠâ I shrug resigned.
âFirstly, I didnât know you were here, I just came in since I have the right to have a shower too. Secondly, I have nothing to say to you, it is you who should talk.â
âMe? Do you think I want to have a chit-chat with you here and now? Are you completely nuts? Just give back my glasses and get out of here!â
âWell, that has a price.â he answers irritatingly slowly, I can hear clearly heâs grinning.
âIs this a blackmail?â I scream outraged.
âWhy do you have to use always such tough words? Itâs a⊠mutually beneficial offer. You want your glasses whereas you also owe me an apology and Iâm ready to accept it.â he explains with fake generosity.
âIâm not gonna beg you, you idiot.â I hiss between my teeth and grab towards his hands but Iâm not fast enough to catch him off guard. He raises his arm high before I could get my property back and smiles down at me with a smug expression.
Does he want me to bounce like a puppy? Well, I wonât. Actually, the only possible weapon that comes to mind is as childish as his stupid little trick but the end justifies the means⊠But I have to be quick since my one hand is busy with keeping the towel around my body and I donât want to grope him for too long time either. But he didnât leave me any other choice, unfortunately.
âFine, StoneyâŠâ I pretend giving in. âYouâre right. So listen to me carefully because youâre not going to hear this from me too oftenâŠâ
âIâm all ears.â he spreads out his free arm.
Piece of cake.
âSoooâŠâ I approach him cautiously âStoney, I just want to say⊠TICKLE ATTACK!!!â I yell and poke my fingers between his ribs.
The effect is beyond expression. He immediately doubles over letting out a wide range of animal sounds and it only takes a few seconds to tear out my spectacles of his hand maintaining the offensive with my other hand.
âHa, victory!âI yell chuckling at his convulsion but as I hear a weird noise over his whining, I immediately stiffen. âWhat was that?â
âWhatâs⊠what?â he asks still groaning.
âDidnât you hear that? I think someone slammed the doorâŠâ I stutter as I place my glasses on my nose. âAnd that means someone had opened it before⊠and maybe saw usâŠâ
âBullshit. And even if it happened as you think, all that could be seen was you committing sexual harassment on me soâŠâ he smirks sassily leaning back against the sink.
What an obnoxious asshole. And heâs also wearing flip-flops, which Iâve always hated on men, seriously, I could slap him with themâŠ
âSexual harassment? I would rather jump on a male tapir than engaging into an erotic intermezzo with you!â I tuck my hair nervously behind my ear.
âYou and a tapir? I wish I could see the offspringsâŠâ he keeps grinning and flips his wet hair back⊠actually, itâs surprising, usually, heâs not a big hair washer. A tiny waterdrop is swinging on the end of one of the dark strands that are wavier than usual, this must be their natural state⊠then the drop slowly falls on his shoulder and follows the line of his collarbone, changing direction at his neck only to gain momentum and now itâs pulling a trail along his flat stomach andâŠ
âAhemâŠâ he clears his throat âshall we go? Or do you want to examine my naked body for a while?â
âLetâs goâ I start like I was waking up from a dream and I can feel my cheeks are burning for some mysterious reasons. âBut you go first, I donât want to make myself ridiculous in front of more people tonight.â
âOkay, okayâŠâ he walks out with lazy reluctance. âAll clear!â he shouts and I put my head out of the door to check heâs not trying to trick me again. How can he walk so leisurely, isnât he bothered by the fact heâs almost naked? And why did he wrap that towel so tightly around his waist that it shows every curve of hisâŠbody partsâŠ?
âDo you want to spend the night in there?â he suddenly turns back and I can only hope I managed to look away fast enough.
âNo⊠noâŠIâm comingâŠâ I mutter and follow him in duck walk, squeezing my toiletry bag.
He stops at his door and leans with one shoulder against the door jamb, of course he wouldnât miss out my clumsy performance.
âWow, gracious. You were born to the catwalk.â he giggles.
âShut up or I scratch your eyes out!â
âOkay-okay but I hope we can agree that weâre even.â he waves an imaginary white flag.
âWe are. And I say now good night before you happened to die under unclear circumstances.â
âGood night, Miss Hundred Pounds of Concentrated aggression.â
His audacious grin mellows into a boyish smile and I donât know if I am only hallucinating or for a fragment of a second, he scans me from head to toeâŠ
He pushes himself away from the wall and disappears in the dark room, leaving me frozen in the hallway. I stumble back to my room and I plop down on my bed. But what was that stare? He was probably just mocking me as usual, heâs surrounded by beautiful girls and he must find my dwarf body structure ridiculous. But he said weâre even⊠I stare at the toiletry bag on my lap, although I didnât turn on the light, its pattern is clearly visible in the street lights filtering through the torn curtain. Musical notes, treble keys⊠wait. He claimed he didnât know it was me in the shower. But who else in the bunch would have a bag with these motifs? He knew it was me. He knew it and he still came in. He wanted to humiliate me, it wasnât just an embarrassing coincidence. Stone Gossard, weâre everything but even.
***
âThese piggies are so cute.â
âYes, they are totally adorable.â Layne agrees observing them with a tender smile. âLook at their mom, how patiently sheâs bearing as theyâre pestering her⊠geez, some of these little fuckers are pretty aggressive⊠look at that one!â
He points at a spotted piglet which is the greediest in the bunch; I donât know much about domestic animals, I can only guess heâs a tiny boar. Heâs tossing away all his siblings to get free access to his mtherâs teats and even after he gets one of them, he keeps her poking with his power outlet-shaped nose. Well, moms are the most patient creatures on earth, Iâm sure Iâve caused a lot of trouble to mine tooâŠ
âI wonder if we can stroke them, their hair seems to be so fluffyâŠâ
âA bit later, now itâs mealtime. Their mother is very protective of them, she would bite your fingers off⊠I think sheâs going to pass out in a few minutes, you can try to grab one of them while theyâll be playing around her.â the farmer-looking guy answers. He canât be much older than us but he speaks in a slow, prudent manner, which makes him sound like a grandfather. He must be an employee of this place⊠whatever this place isâŠ
âEffie would love them.â Layne remarks, still fascinated by the nursing process.
Effie? Layne knows Effie? Interesting.
âIs she here too?â I stutter confused.
âOf course, dude, you bought her here, remember?â Layne glances at me and raises one eyebrow.
âReally? And where is she know?â I scratch my chin still not understanding how she got in the picture.
âShe stayed in the house. She was interested in the greenhouse and the gardener happened to be there, you couldnât drag her away from the orchids. Seriously, Mike, are you stoned our what? You should take more care of your girlfriend if you want to take this thing between you seriously.â
Girlfriend? Effie is my girlfriend? Okay, that sounds strange too not that I want to complainâŠ
âAnd⊠whatâs that house you mentioned?â
âShit⊠Iâm not gonna help you out with weed ever again, this stuff has obviously terrible side effects on you, youâre like a drunk goldfish. Hey, Jer, tell to this asshole where we are!â he shouts at his approaching bandmate.
âEstamos a la hacienda Cantrell, hombre! This my ranch! And in a few hours, weâll be eating the best food youâve ever tried, Consuela is the most badass cook in the entire world! But we have the whole afternoon, I want to show you my new golf course, we could even play, I have tons of golf clubs, I can lend you one of themâŠâ
Wait, somethingâs wrong here. I know they have their share of success because of this Seattle madness too, not that they donât deserve it, they are a fuckinâ amazing band but I never knew Jerry had a ranch, I mean, it must have cost a buttload of money and however much I like him, I must admit heâs not that type who prefers savings to poker, dope and strippers.
âHow⊠how long have you owned this⊠this huge farm?â I wave around clumsily trying not to sound too stupid.
âFor like⊠agesâŠ? Hahaha, man, I know my beautiful maids drive every man crazy, that was my point when casting them and choosing their uniform. But you canât complain either, I checked the little blondie out, nice catch! That cola bottle-shaped body, damnâŠâ the skirt-chaser underlines his words by drawing the mentioned contour in the air flashing a filthy grin. I donât like this tone, I donât like the idea of Jerry talking about Effie or looking at her, fuck, I donât even like the idea of any member of Alice In Chains staying in the same state as her for more than three seconds.
âBut first, we have to choose the dinner. Which one do you want?â the guitarist nods towards the pigpen and knowing his dirty humor, Iâm not sure whether he refers to any food-related or heâs called hookers or what?
âHow⊠how do you mean?â
âMike, this is definitely not your day, just pick one!â Layne giggles glancing amused at his bandmate.
âBut⊠what?â I still donât get where this whole thing is going.
âGeez man, okay, Iâll do it for you. Come on, little dudes, it wonât hurt, I promise you!â Jerry leans over the fence and grabs two piglets by the skin around their neck.
âNo, no, are you trying to say weâre gonna eat them? No, never, this is the cruelest thing Iâve ever heard, you canâtâŠâ I protest shocked but the asshole doesnât give a shit about me and carries the two victims under his arms to the pickup standing close to us. He ignores the desperate squeals of the poor little things: he throws them in the truck bed and climbs after them.
âJerry, where are you going? You canât⊠stop, donât do that, man!â I yell almost crying but he just keeps laughing with that typical, pedophile Santa Claus laughter of him.
âWhat do you think, for what purpose do I breed them? They are cute and all but just think about a crispy, red, roasted pig spinning on a skewer over the fire⊠yummy⊠Consuela has a secret recipe, itâs delicious. I takes hours to prepare it, though, but I think I can keep myself busy until then, you know, that blondie is waiting only for meâŠâ he winks and I catch to my stomach. Effie⊠Jerry⊠no, that canât happen, I think Iâm going to vomit, Jesus, this is terribleâŠ
He pats the side of the truck bed twice, signaling to the driver that he can start the engine.
âYes dude, until the pork gets ready, Iâm gonna bang Effie⊠bang Effie⊠bang Effie⊠bang EffieâŠâ
His words get mixed with the squealing of the piglets and the roar of the engine and the terrible sounds keep echoing in my head distorted by the Doppler-effect until the car disappears on the horizon.
âBang Effie⊠bang Effie⊠bang EffieâŠâ
âŠ
I wake up with a start. My heart is beating so fast that it almost rips my chest, the blanket is soaking wet of my sweat, even my hair is stuck to my head and neck. This was the worst nightmare Iâve had in the past years⊠wait⊠if it was a dream, why can I still hear the snorts?
I slowly turn my head in the direction of the sound and suddenly, everything falls into place. The girl with whom I spent last night is snoring next to me⊠Her red lipstick and black eyeshadow is smeared all over her face making her look like a slutty panda bear and the little stream of drool in the corner of her mouth makes it even worse. Thus passes worldly glory⊠not that I have any right to criticize her look, I must look like crap too and honestly, I also feel like that. My head is about to explode, my intestines are burning⊠but I can only blame myself and that bottle of pure vodka we consumed last night together. At least the sex was satisfactory... yes, satisfactory is the best term, not more, not less. The beginning was creepy, though, with those weird outbursts of her about her nonsense prohibitions⊠I mean, who the hell wants to do stuff like that? Poor girl, she must have had hard sexual experiences. But that cowboy roleplay could have been even good with the hat and slight bondage elements and all⊠but her exaggerated behavior kept it in conditional. After all, we both got what we wanted and I donât have to feel guilty. I didnât force her, she offered, I just played along⊠it was basically her who fucked me. I donât know if it had anything to do with me being the guitarist of Pearl Jam but even if it has, come on, is that really such a terrible crime if the âalso ranâ member of the band takes advantage of his situation once in a blue moon? The girls are never cueing in front of my hotel door, I deserve to have blast when a rare occasion occurs for some mysterious reason. And I donât owe anyone any explanation, the guys and Eric are not my chaperones, Iâm a single guy with needs and I canât live in a fantasy world for good, pathetically sobbing after someone I havenât even met yet, right?
Hydration. Thatâs the first thing I need right now. The only problem is that sheâs sleeping with her limbs spread in four different direction and her left arm happens to rest on my chest. Shit, I wish I had left after we finished it as I always do after one-night stands, it spares both the girl and me awkward morning scenes, these things are not about romance, anyway. But this time the sex was intense and the booze was kick-ass so we both must have passed out after getting on top.
I try to slide out of the bed basically in horizontal position placing the pillow on the same spot where my upper body used to be hoping sheâs sleeping deeply enough not to notice the change. I freeze when she lets out a few louder snorts after my maneuver but after a few satisfied smacks, she calms down and keeps snoring. I tiptoe around the bed to collect my clothes and I found all of them except my boxers⊠fuck, she must be lying on them. After a few seconds of hesitation I get dressed without them, theyâre clean since I didnât have any âaccidentâ yesterday so trying to get them back is not worth risking.
I silently walk out in the kitchen and immediately spot a few bottles of mineral water on the counter⊠but taking one of them would be stealing, right? But if I turned the water on, she might wake up⊠I open all of the cupboards until I find a larger glass and turn the water tap cautiously until a thin spout starts running from the pipe. It takes a while until I fill the glass with this method but I gulp the content of it with one breathe in a blink of an eye.
My rumbling stomach directs me to the fridge, even if I donât want to take anything, I can check its content, right? The cool breeze feels unbelievably good as I lean into it⊠let me see⊠further bottles of water, some milk, a piece of moldy cheese which probably isnât supposed to be moldy, expired yogurt and a bunch of bananas. Shit, banana is my favorite fruit, the best resource of potassium and Iâm dying to eat one. But I decided not to steal anything⊠but come on, itâs only a banana.
As Iâm about to leave the crime scene, I notice a notepad and a pencil on the table. Maybe⊠maybe leaving a note would be a polite way of giving an explanation for what I did, right? Yeah, thatâs it! Okay⊠âDearâŠâ Fuck, what was her name? Clarissa⊠Claudette⊠CLAUDIA! âDear Claudia,â Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought⊠should I thank her for the sex? âthanks for the evening. I didnât want to wake you up soâŠâ so I ran away like a coward âI decided to say bye in this note. I was really hungry so I served myself with a banana.â and last night I served you my banana, Jesus, Iâm a gross pig. âSorry for doing it without asking, as an apology, I drew you another one.â I try to sketch the schematic picture of a banana but it looks like a nonfigurative or even phallic symbol from any possible angle. Shit, I canât leave it like this. Luckily, the pencil has a quality eraser on the top so I can make the terrible scribble disappear and correct the message. âI drew you the only thing I can draw:â I close my eyes to recall the logo Iâve copied everywhere more times than anything else⊠âKISSâ at least I can still do it⊠I go over the message again, I think itâll do the trick. âI wish you the best, Mikeâ. I stop in the kitchen door on my way out. Even a KISS logo canât undo a theft. I should offer her some compensation⊠I walk back and grab the pencil again. âPs. Next time we come to Charlotte, Iâll invite you for a coffee.â But what if we bump into each other anywhere else? âOf course I also invite you in case we encounter anywhere else.â Okay, âCready, you donât have to write an epistle, you donât have to surpass Tatiana, just leave finally before she wakes up. But what if⊠what if she doesnât like coffee? Now that I glance around, I can see no coffee machine here⊠âPs2. In case you donât like coffee, my offer applies to tea or soda too, of course.â
Okay, enough, she wonât even notice, who the hell takes inventory about bananas? I shake my head, take a deep breath and sneak out of the apartment.
***
Coffee. The first thing that comes to mind in the morning. I know I drink way too much coffee but caffeine addiction is sort of an inevitable outcome if youâre a rock musician at nights and an espresso guy at daytime. Of course the receptionist or janitor or whoever confirmed my initial aiming: this shitty motel doesnât sell any food or drinks apart from the broken vending machine in the corner of the lobby. He also said I can take all of its content if I manage to fix it. No, thanks, the late seventies-looking chips bags with their probably fossilized content arenât particularly tempting.
Iâm heading to the bistro on the other side of the street, itâs probably not much better than that place but a coffee without hair in it and a decent breakfast would already satisfy my needs. On entering I must admit, the smells are better than expected and as soon as I take place in a booth, a polite waitress appears at the table handing me a menu and producing a cup out of the blue. She immediately fills it with the hot beverage I was longing for. A cigarette would feel good with it too but thereâs no one around I could grub fromâŠ
Iâve taken only a few sips of my precious drink when I see a familiar hat appearing at the entrance and in a few seconds, its owner plops down opposite me, munching a banana.
âThe prodigal son has returned, huh?â I remark with a wide grin.
âI know you missed me, just admit it.â he answers with a deadpan. âGod, Iâm starvingâŠâ he grabs the menu and begins to study it.
âA coffee, sir?â the waitress emerges again and spills coffee in his cup too without waiting for the answer. âWhat can I get for you?â she inquires helpfully as she pulls a small notebook with a pen out of the pocket of her apron.
âOne Aspirin and a bullet in my head, please.â Mike groans with a dark face.
âExcuse me sir?â
âGive us a few more minutes, please.â I try to send a âdonât askâ signal with my eyes and it seems to work because she leaves with a confused nod.
âThe last time I saw you, you felt sick. But somehow you must have resurrected like a phoenix from its ashes since you were out all night⊠so⊠go ahead.â I lean back but my bandmate is avoiding my gaze, turning his head around like he was distracted by the interesting furniture of the diner.
âLook, itâs Judy over there!â he shouts pointing at the counter.
âMike⊠no⊠pleaseâŠâ I groan in pain but itâs too late.
âHey Jude!â he shouts and waves frantically.
Great⊠I bury my face into my palms.
Unfortunately, Mike comes to the brilliant idea of stretching his leg along the seat heâs sitting on while sheâs approaching us; so by the time she gets to our booth, her only option is sitting down next to me. Which she isnât willing to do, sheâs just sending reproving looks at me until I realize the reason of her reluctance is my right arm on the backrest. When I remove it, she slides in the booth as far from me as possible, sheâs probably sitting with half butt on the air.
âHi Judy.â Mike greets her pulling his small metal flask out of the inner pocket of his jacket.
âItâs six oâclock in the morning, youâre not having vodka.â she tries to tear it out of his hand without even greeting us.
âEasy Jude, itâs empty, okay? Itâs just a bad habit that I keep checking it.â
âAnyway, I doubt he would begin the day with spirits, seeing he was drinking the whole nightâŠâ
âWhat?â she screams outraged.
âJesus, are you blind? Heâs, like, the quintessence of hangover, circles under the eyes, grey face, he looks like a dirty dish clothâŠâ
âJesus, guys, do you really have to talk so loud??? Anyway, thanks Stone, you know how to complimentâŠâ Mike moans rubbing his forehead with his hand.
âIâm just telling the truth. Come on, tell us how did you get so fucked up⊠or⊠no⊠I donât want to know the details.â
âYou probably think I got wasted with a few local dudes I donât even know and I fell asleep in the corner and when I woke up, I realized someone had drawn a dick on my cheek.â
âYou left out the pissing-and-puking part but yeah, sort of. Ouch!â I whine when she tosses me with a strict face at full strength in the shoulder. âWhatâs wrong with you, do you think heâs a saint or what?â I complain.
âDonât even listen to him, unlike him, Iâm interested in the details. So tell me⊠were there pubic hair on the dick too?â she leans closer confidentially, flashing a cheeky smile and however much annoying I find her, I canât help snorting.
âJesus, six of one, half a dozen of the other.â Mike rolls his eyes. âAnywayyy⊠I wasnât with some unknown dudes⊠but I wasnât alone eitherâŠâ he shrugs with a mysterious smile.
âOkay, youâre getting a vasectomy. Thatâs final. I donât want you to get sued by teen moms from every single town we stop in.â I shake my head.
âNot that Iâm the Casanova of the band, are we going to talk about the favors youâve done to Seattleâs female population too? Do you begrudge me it or what?â
âIâve had a long string of girlfriends, so what?â
âWhat?â our band parrot squeaks in again.
âA long string? Thereâs a herd of them!â Mike goes on.
âJust stop!â she screams and we both fall silent, surprised by her sudden outburst. âIâm new here. Explain.â she adds in a mellower voice.
âJudith, maybe you should improve your âreading between the linesâ skills. My colleague is trying to say that he spent the night with a female acquaintance, I guess we can call her like that with some euphemism. And I recommended some fertility restrictions regarding Mikeâs wasted adventures are like the clichĂ© bad examples in sexual education videos.â
âAs if youâŠâ my bandmate is about to reply but he gets interrupted by the returning lovely waitress, and honestly, I donât mind, somehow I donât want him to reveal my dating history before the girl who never misses any occasion to point out my flaws.
âDid you manage to choose in the meantime?â she inquires.
âIâd like to have⊠scrambled eggs with ham and a sesame seed bun, fresh orange juice, pancakes with maple syrup, a peanut butter sandwich and chocolate chips with vanilla ice.â Mike reads enthusiastically.
âA sunny-side up with bacon and a cherry pie ĂĄ la RR.â my neighbor lists.
âA vegetarian cheese plate and Iâd like to try that deliciously sounding pie too.â I smile at the waitress.
âItâs even better than you think, Sir.â she winks back at me and as I watch her collecting the menus, I can see Camdenâs disgusted face from the corner of my eye.
âSooo⊠a Twin Peaks fan, huh?â I nudge her. âFrom now on, Iâm gonna call you Nadine, it suits you in every sense.â
âNice try, Bob⊠Anyway, Mike, if this is your hangover appetite, what is your normal state like? I got nausea even of listening to youâŠâ
âI burned a lot of calories last night soâŠâ he grins proudly, making me cackle up.
âHere we are, I want details!â I imitate a drum snare with my palms on the table.
âJesus, guys, are you really going to discâŠâ Miss Prudery clucks in but luckily, my bandmate ignores her whining.
âIt was⊠wild.â he smirks firmly.
âWilder than that escort girl in L.A.?â I giggle since this is one of my favorite stories with which I tease Mike from time to time and itâs also a great topic to outrage this first communicant next to me.
âWhat? Mike? Youâve paid for sex???â Bingo.
âHow many times I have to tell thatâŠâ Mike pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers with a nervous gasp. âJudy, it wasnât the way you think⊠when I was living in L.A. with the Friel brothers, I met a nice waitress at a concert venue⊠we sort of hooked up, sheâd visit me at the record store Iâd work at⊠she was busted all the time so Iâd lend her my spare money, I mean what I didnât spend on booking gigs for us⊠and Chris Friel tried to warn me gently that every time Iâd give her money, weâd sex afterwards⊠and once we ended up in a strip club after a gig and I found out she was a stripper, she worked there, I mean, she was dropping her clothes right in front of me⊠and she wasnât only stripping. So I realized that what I thought to be a friends with benefits situation was actually a prostitute-client relationship, she was just too good-hearted to enlighten me. Stone, are you happy now???â
âAwww, Mike, this is so sad⊠but itâs also somehow so sweet⊠I hope you got a discount at least. But whatâs with that girl from last night? Whatâs her name?â
âSomeone has suddenly become curious, interestingâŠâ I throw in.
âErrrr⊠her name wasâŠâ
âJesus, Camden, you know nothing about one-night-stands, donât you?â I ask to buy Mike some time but to be honest, I donât know what to think seeing the industrial amount of condoms I found in her toiletry bag last night. Either is she a wild cat and a really god actress at the same time or this tour is like a project for her to get rid of her virginity. Ten times at least. And Jeff Ament has the honor to assist. Jesus.
âWhy, I only askedâŠâ
âHe doesnât know shit about her, let alone her name.â
âYou bangedâŠâ she yells but realizing everyone looks at us, she suddenly takes the volume back âYou had sex with her and you didnât even ask her name?â she whispers between her teeth.
âWhy? Names are overrated. Anyway, she introduced herself, I just⊠canât remember her name anymore. And she didnât even care about my name either.â
âJudith, I understand this is new to you, you probably insist on swapping business cards before petting and ask the guy even to show his ID before the penetration but in most cases, these things are going in a simpler wayâŠâ I use the occasion to torture her a bit and she starts reddening so much that I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.
âHey Stoney, donât mock her! Jude, thereâs nothing wrong with being cautious. I mean, the social security number can even be useful in case your partner suffers a sex injury.â he tries to help her out clumsily and glances at me for reassurance.
âYeah, let alone the blood type in case he needs a transfusion after the experience.â I scoff.
âCould we go back to Mikeâs experience?â she squints towards me with popped eyes making a nervous gesture. âI hope you had protectionâŠâ
âJesus, of course, she was preparedâŠâ
âShe??? Mike, how can you be so irresponsible, itâs always the guyâs task, I would never ever⊠go out with a guy who expects me to provide him with condoms, JesusâŠâ
Ha. The little liarâŠ
âAre we seriously analyzing these details? I mean, how was the chick?â I exclaim, earning one more toss arriving from my right side.
âShe was⊠nice. I mean, she had that crazy vibe⊠It was weird, everything was okay until we left to her place, we drank, we played pool, she started flirting, I reciprocated it and so on⊠At one point, she threw herself on me, by the time I realized whatâs happening, she was basically already licking my tonsils⊠not that I minded. So she dragged me to her place.â
âThat doesnât sound that badâŠâ I grin.
âSomething tells me there was a âbutâ in the storyâŠâ the queen of condoms reacts ignoring my remark.
âWell yeah⊠she disappeared in the kitchen to bring more booze, so I turned on the TV, I thought some decent erotic channel wouldnât hurt in the process but I stopped at a documentary, it was filmed in Kenya, I think, with beautiful shots and interesting narrations⊠she came back at the part on mating lions, she asked me if liked it, I found her question odd but I answered âof courseâ and she got completely hysterical.â
âHow⊠how do you mean?â she asks fidgeting anxiously with her coffee mug.
âShe⊠she freaked out saying she couldnât believe Iâm into that too. It so strange, out of context, I guess it was probably some dark secret with his ex, so I didnât ask.â
What a coincidence!
âInteresting, the sameâŠâ I reply but a nervous little hand beats me in the thigh under the table. What the hell is she doing?
âGo⊠go on Mike, and what happened after that?â she inquires with a forced smile.
âI managed to calm her down, switched to Playboy channel, and you know⊠we begin to get  into the thing on the couch⊠but my stomach started rumbling, I was starving since I hadnât eaten the whole day. So I asked her if I could grab some food before we⊠you know⊠and she almost begin to cry, explaining she never mixes food into sex, it was so incoherent, I couldnât even understand whatâs happeningâŠâ he recalls causing me a lightbulb moment.
âJesus Mike, I know why she acted like thatâŠâ I exclaim chuckling since it I know this is more than a simple coincidence, his story has too much in common with my conversation with Claudia. Actually, now that itâs not about me, it actually sounds funny. Hilariously funny, I canât stop shaking of repressed laughter⊠But those restless fingers pinch me in the thigh this time and when I turn right to challenge her, all I can see are two, huge, warm, brown eyes, begging me concerned⊠and suddenly I realize what they are trying to say.
âAnd why?â Mike asks back. Okay, I have to find out something, and I have to do it fast, thinkâŠ
âBecause⊠because⊠she chickened out!â
âYes, that must have been the reason.â she agrees as quickly as possible. Okay, crisis averted.
âShe didnât.â Mike smirks. âShe finally allowed me to grab some snacks and then⊠mature content.â he illustrates with fitting hand moves the events. âOkay, she turned out to be into rodeo roleplay, which was new to me but⊠after all, it was fun.â he shrugs not too convincingly.
âWas she wearing boots with spurs?â
âDamn, Camden, you always grasp the most important detailsâŠâ
âShe wasnât⊠but she had a hat made bondage stuff to me but it was fine.â
Our meals arrive in the meantime but somehow the consumption of my vegan cheese plate seems to be incompatible with the picture of the naked Mike tied to a bed and ridden by Claudia only wearing a cowboy hat.
âA lot of people are into it but of course, there are different levels.â our troublemaker plays the expert with her mouth full.
âIt was the enjoyable level bondage. Anyway, she had one more outburst, when we were finished.â he tells stuffing a considerable pile of scrambled egg into his mouth. âAfter the action, she went out to the bathroom but she threatened to slit my throat if Iâd follow her. Like, why would I do that?â
I snort but I manage to fake a cough fast enough not to be noticed by Mike and abused by the travel-size Terminator.
âI donât know, shower sex?â she shrugs casually munching too. Like she knows.
âYeah, but thatâs a good thing, isnât it? Whatever. Anyway, guys, how was your night?â
âTerrible.â
âAwful.â we answer at once.
âWhy, was it because of the motel orâŠ?â
âI had nightmares⊠I mean, during that one single hour I slept. I didnât really dare fall asleep because of the cockroaches⊠and I kept dreaming about them.â she begins to play with the food pushing it around on the plate.
âStone, you had nightmares too?â
âOh, no⊠although I had every reason to do so. I donât know, the bed was uncomfortable.â
Thereâs an awkward silence. Mike devotes all his attention to his food and honestly, probably neither of us minds that he stops asking about last night. Anyway, as for the Claudia thing, she was right. He was proud of his conquest, facing him with the fact he was only a backup target would have totally ruined his confidence. I have to warn Scully too, heâs such a gossip. And Ed would certainly disapprove it but come on, Mike just wants to enjoy being the member of a rock band. He doesnât fuck girls in every bush we pass by, I donât think he should be executed for it. Jeff isnât better either, drooling over you colleague, how immature and irresponsibleâŠ
âHi Jeff!â
Speak of the devil. Anyway, why is she so suddenly so enthusiastic of seeing him?
âHi guys. Wow, that looks good.â our bassist leans over to check my plate while Mike pulls his leg back to leave him space. Of course he couldnât do that a few minutes earlier, so typical.
âIf you ask me, it tastes better without Mikeâs bizarre sex adventures but itâs a matter of taste.â
âBizarre sex adventures? Something tells me I have to catch up.â he laughs. âHow are you, Judy? You disappeared tomorrow so early.â
âThanks, Iâm fine, I was justâŠtired. Look, Jeff, I was thinking⊠if you wanna hang out today before the show? I mean, you said youâd show me a few chords andâŠâ
I canât believe my ears. What made her change her mind? If Daveâs jealousy trick worked out, I have to re-evaluate my knowledge about dating.
âSure.â Jeffâs face lights up. âAnytime.â
âAaaanytime, JuuudyâŠâ I mock. âJust donât forget to put some money in his G-string.â I add mumbling.
âJesus, Stone, youâre gross!â Mike drops his fork annoyed.
âIâm the gross? Remember, MikeâŠâ Iâm ready to remind him of his various drunk performances but as the debate is about to get heated, Eric shows up in the diner followed by Ed and Beth.
âGuys, we have a problemâŠâ
All In WA - Pearl Jam - Dance Of The Clairvoyants
Another amazing talent gone too soon on this day is Layne Staley from Alice In Chains. I was lucky to see them a few times. But one show I was fortunate to get to go to was the band Mad Season and their show in Seattle at the Moore Theatre back in 1995. I worked at Sony Signatures at the time and got comp tickets. Flew out there. My first time to Seattle and caught the show. Good memories for sure. Hereâs thinking of you today Layne! I was lucky to work with Alice In Chains later a few times, but after Layne had already left us. #madseason #laynestaley #riplaynestaley #riplayne #aliceinchains #aic #pearljam #mikemccready @mikemccreadypj #marklanegan @marklanegan #barrettmartin #johnbakersaunders #seankinney @seankinney @barrettmartinofficial #seattle #mooretheater #grunge #madseasonabove #riverofdeceit #longgoneday #seattlemusic #concertticket #ticketstub #instagood #nirvana #kurtcobain @aliceinchains #screamingtrees @screaming_trees_fanpage #thewalkabouts #stayhome #quarantine #iwasthere #rockstar (at Moore Theatre) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-nxE48Bfzg/?igshid=6xree64apnh8

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"The waiting drove me mad You're finally here and I'm a mess" - cit. #pearljam #livemusic #concerttickets #grungemusic #eddievedder #stonegossard #jeffament #mikemccready #mattcameron #corduroy #summerofgrunge #love
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