this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

So, I think we all remember that Angst brick I was smacked into next century with the other day and in case we don't, I have the link for it here and I highly recommend that you go look at that ask first before you come and read this large soft launch-

Me when I and someone else was bouncing this idea ball back and forth:

NOW I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR THIS BRICK BECAUSE THE KISS FOR THIS IS ALL THE WAY AT THE END-

So, in the bad end, Wukong did 'unplug' like the ask brought up and it broke everyone up, none of them really believing it at first, but the one who's the most broken up about it is Macaque.

He's so broken up and distraught about the situation, believing that Wukong was truly the selfish idiot through the entire thing, but he thinks this is Wukongs' biggest selfish move and he can't even get angry about it because he's too upset about it.

Months go by and the others try to move on, though it doesn't really go well on any of their parts with the stages of grief holding them like the chains that Wukong always hated being placed on him. One day, lost in memories and depression, Macaque is forced out of Wukongs' his hut to at least walk around, he finds himself at Wukongs' birthplace and…a new stone egg settled innocently on the mountain once more.

This spirals into a new series of feelings for everyone.

MK and Tang don't know if the egg will actually hatch nor do they believe that it could even be Wukong, considering he took his name out of the Book of the Dead and can't enter the reincarnation cycle. Mei and Pigsy don't even think its truly a stone egg and that Macaque has finally lost it from the grief. Sandy is the only one who believes in the egg being able to hatch and helps Macaque try to hatch the egg and the only thing showing them that this isn't for nothing is the fact that the magic in the stone egg is still warm and thrumming.

Some more months pass and Mac can feel his hopes dwindling, but one day the egg hatches. It's…different. It's not bright and flashy like Wukongs' birth had been and the Celestial Monkey that comes out of the egg looks completely different from Wukong.

Dark blue with light pink tips replacing an auburn mane, shining cyan in place of golden eyes, pink red fur on the main body, a butterfly mask instead of a peach one and more than anything…instead of a male, the cub that comes out of the stone egg is a female of all things.

(This art was a gift from @lms274 and they were the main inspiration for this AU getting more than a thought in my head, check out their art!)

After the initial meeting, Mac can't bring himself to try and put in the effort anymore, especially when the little one shows more changes from his King.

Where Wukong was loud and always craving attention, the cub is quiet and preferred to watch the others around her enjoying the spotlight. Where Wukong had so many different powers, she only has a handful of them on hand, despite having his magic and the large abundance of it. Wukong was prone to violence as a cub, this cub would prefer not even trying to rough house with the troop members.

Hoping still, that there was a way Wukong was truly inside this…imposter, Mac takes her to see Guan Yin at Nezhas' insistance.

The verdict is, though it may be Wukongs' soul, the Great Monkey King that they once knew no longer exists in this tiny body and it breaks Mac once more.

So, one day, Mac just…leaves her at Sandy's boathouse and doesn't come back for her. He never even named her.

Sandy takes it upon himself to make sure the cub gets the love and attention that he knew Wukong would've wanted her to have, even if no one else is helping him because its too hard for them to see her, but they're not completely over Wukongs' death just yet.

He starts by naming her Mengtao Dixei.

Mengtao 梦桃 m & f Chinese From Chinese 梦 (mèng) meaning "dream, to dream" combined with 桃 (táo) meaning "peach, peach tree", as well as other character combinations that can form this name.

Diexi 蝶熙 f Chinese From the Chinese 蝶 (dié) meaning "butterfly" and 熙 (xī) meaning "bright, splendid, glorious".

He names her this in order to show new beginnings, just like Wukong would've wanted.

Sandy takes care of Diexi for a while without too many problems, until he reaches a point where he needs outside help. He's helped people with their young ones and he's raised kittens and cats, but this was a Celestial Monkey, who already felt like she'd been abandoned by her troop with Mac leaving her the way he did.

So, he goes to the Demon Bull Family, who had been grieving in the solitude of their lair.

Thing is, Macaque never told them about the egg nor did he ever tell them that the egg hatched, so when they learn they have a new way to keep Wukongs' legacy alive, even if she was completely different from their beloved little brother, they'll take it.

Princess Iron Fan and Demon Bull King are nothing if not a doting aunt and uncle.

Dixei is being slightly fussy? DBK is there, holding her gently as he shushes her and rocks her back to sleep with the skin on skin contact that monkey cubs adore.

Dixei happened to look at a cute butterfly clip as they were passing the store? PIF has already bought the entire stock and then ordered more things just because she looked at it.

Red Son is no better than his parents, looking after his new little cousin as if she was the most precious little princess. Buying her outfits and often making her toys that can occupy her mind and time, while making sure nothing can ever harm her as long as she is in his home.

Eventually, the others would come around and start helping out, after apologizing to Sandy, but Mac still avoids Dixei like the plauge, even when he tries to watch her from the shadows, thinking this was all he was allowed after failing Wukong the first time around.

Until the day they do come face to face.

Dixei remembers him as the blurry figure she met when she was first hatched, but then he was gone. She holds no feelings towards him and that is when Mac realizes that he almost made the biggest mistake of his life by not being there sooner.

He suddenly becomes father of the year. Spoiling her with all her favorite fruit (its peaches, painfully so) and taking extra interest in her likes (funny enough, its butterflies and most wildlife) and at first it was to alleviate the guilt that had returned tenfold, but along the way he stopped seeing Wukong and only saw his precious little butterfly.

school has been beating me to a pulp and ive been trying to find a job as well as deal with some mental health stuff :pensive:

i will get back on that grind asap when i get my shit together

Well. Spoilers under the cut! I suggest you play the game first so you know what you're getting into. But if you don't wanna heed this warning, so be it. Be free!