#midding

Listen/purchase: Clem's Crime by Midding

a bitter bite to the warm evening, i luxuriate in the reversal of the warm river inside the night is cold, and i am the warm sad of saudade.

a bittersweet but beautiful longing that carves out my rock-like heart, and flows, honey-folded and caramel-tart in the back of my eyelids and the nook of my throat in sonder.

wandering the streets, the neon signs presque viewed, pushing open the door to an old restaurant - the younger times, the older people, faded-salt-sugar romances of good friends and the waitress behind the counter, long left, i was a step aside and sometimes included, a midding.

the world stretches wide and empty-full beyond; we are in autumn, the thick of autumn, the richness of it not austice but an armistice, a worn empty between relentless productivity and lazy languidity; an ocean behind every held-back tear;

So I decided to do a HN Fanfic. I will post the first chapter here, the others can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194906/chapters/69088974

Chapter 1: Approaching Storm

The wind was getting much worse. You were walking faster now along the forest path, as leaves were blown harshly into your small, quivering form. It started as a nice simple walk in the forest, on a cold late autumn day, to clear your head. But the unpredictably weather seemed to have something against you specifically. Right when you were so deep into the forest that you started to make your way back, the storm picked up and transformed the otherwise calm forest into a potential death trap.

The trees started bending with the force of the wind as it howled in your ears, louder than before and you started hurrying even more while being careful on the slippery mud path. Just your luck to get into a situation like this: your day already started bad with another strong depression episode, rendering you immobile till late midday, until you could muster up enough energy to move and at least get a shower to; hopefully, feel better. After you finished this you tried to work on an art commission, but even there your illness robed you off your joy. You just couldn’t seem to get started and find your creativity like normal. Deeming this day one of those were you wouldn’t accomplish anything, you thought about going for a walk in the forest that sat right behind your town on a tiny hill. Normally those walks would help you to forget your worries and depression, at least for a while. But today it seemed to only get worse.

Ominous rumbling noises from the sky joined the howling wind and soon, the first fat raindrops fell from the dark clouds, soaking through your thick jacket. The rain grew intense quickly, raindrops falling so fast and heavy, creating an opaque veil, that you had trouble seeing the path in front of you. You tried shielding your face with the hood of your jacket, but even this got soaked within seconds, plastering the fur lining onto your wet face, really not helping with seeing.

You weren’t sure how much longer you had to run to get to the forest edge, your whole body was chilled, your breathing labored and especially your legs grew numb with cold, making navigating through the bushes and roots hard. Were you even still on the path?

Just then another sound joined the amalgam of howling wind, thunder and loud rain. You first thought it was just the sound of the rain getting worse; if that was even possible. But it distinctly sounded like hundreds of birds taking flight and cawing loudly in unison.

Just then your foot caught on a muddy root, sending you crashing through a thorny bush and rolling down a slight hill. Your heard loud crashing from all around you, the storm was reaching its peak, uprooting trees and striking the earth. Frantically trying to find your footing again to escape the falling trees and a painful death of being squished to death you crawled on all fours until your body was able to stand up again.

The intense symphony of sounds grew louder, reaching its terrifying peak as you started to run again. Only to get stopped by a sensation like thousand hot, long needles being pushed into your body all at once. The intense pain robbed your breath, you couldn’t think. Couldn’t react.

You were on the ground again, the wet forest ground chilling your already wet body like ice. Desperately trying to get air again in your lungs you started hyperventilating, but there wasn’t getting anything into your lungs, as if they stopped working. You were suffocating. Burning alive, as the needles pushed deeper, hotter. Your heart hurting as it beat so fast against your ribcage.

A loud clap of thunder robbed you of your hearing for a moment, casting the forest in silence. It only lasted for a moment, as the sounds came back, just as intense as before, accompanied by a loud ringing.

Silent screams tore from your vocal cords. You were dying. Dying. You didn’t want to die. Clawing at everything to get away from the pain, your hands found tall, wet grass. You tasted iron in your mouth. Finding no purchase to get you forward you grounded your hands into the mud harder. Your right hand pushed against something hard and sharp and you clamped down on it. Almost like a lifeline you desperately clutched the object and tried to crawl forward. Only for your body to not react. You were chilled to the bone and burning alive at the same time. Mind screaming under the tortured and failing completely to comprehend what was happening.

Everyone gets in the car

I'm in the back seat

I made it without a scar

Everyone is in front of me

From me they aren't far

They're talking to each other

I'm listening in

She's talking about her brother

They talk about kin

They mention her mother

I don't feel alone

Even though I don't speak

My presence is known

They talk about the week

Closer we have grown

We are all okay

We are on our way home

After a long day

We do not wish to roam

We know our way

I am at peace

I know everything is alright

When the talking does cease

We appreciate the night