#michael bmc

"I am hanging in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall"

Just this line emphasizes that he has no friends, no one else besides Jeremy. Because a common thing I've seen in DPD is that people with DPD don't feel a need to form connections with anyone aside from their DP. All they want is to hang out with their DP, which can backfire if anything happens with their DP. So I just think this works to emphasize that Michael Has No Friends.

"I could stay right here or disappear and nobody'd even notice at all"

Without someone to take care of them, people with DPD can feel helpless and vulnerable! So, with Michael feeling like Jeremy hates him and all, this is how he feels! Helpless, vulnerable, worthless, because nobody cares about him except for Jeremy. So, in the midst of his spiral, he figures that, without anyone to take care of him, he could just fade away unnoticed.

"I'm a creeper in a bathroom 'cause my buddy kinda left me alone"

This kind of expands on my explanation for the previous line—who is he without someone to Depend on? Without someone to support him and care for him and hold his hand and pat him on the shoulder and tell him everything will be alright, and that he's doing alright? That nobody hates him? What else can he do besides hide in the bathroom when he's in his helpless, vulnerable state?

"But I'd rather fake pee than stand awkwardly / Or pretend to check a text on my phone"

More about Michael having No Friends </3

"Everything felt fine / When I was half of a pair"

SEE!! Everything feels fine when he's with his DP!! With his DP he feels happy and safe and okay and like he's doing everything right and he'll always be okay!! But the second he's alone, all that comes crashing down, and now he has nothing and nobody and he feels like utter crap.

"And through no fault of mine / There's no other half there"

This!!!!!! Makes me think of a line in The Pants Song!! "If I try harder to be his friend"

This line sort of implies that the rift that's opened up between Michael and Jeremy is Michael's fault, not Jeremy's, which directly contradicts this line. So, before I expand on those two lines separately, I'm gonna talk about this change of heart. People with DPD avoid confrontation at any cost they can. They'll fawn, take other people's crap, even going so far as to avoid having opinions so that nobody can disagree with them. So, this change of heart could be Michael trying to avoid confrontation with Jeremy in an attempt to become close with him again. OR this could be an unintentional change in his thinking—having had more time to think on this, he's been able to find a way to justify this somehow being His Fault. Anyway, his blaming himself for this in The Pants Song is interesting enough, but it's especially interesting considering how it contrasts with this line ^_^

Now, if he's so keen on avoiding confrontation, why would he even blame Jeremy in the first place? This could be Michael attempting to gain sympathy from anyone who might be listening. People with DPD may sometimes victimize themselves or make their problems sound worse than they are so that someone will swoop in and take care of them. This isn't super common, and in a lot of cases people with DPD will avoid doing that, but even the fact that they have to make a conscious effort to avoid doing it presents itself as a symptom. In any case, since Michael is having his moment by himself, his own little soliloquy, he doesn't need to put this filter on himself. So he can play the victim all he wants, even if he doesn't actually believe that.

There's always the chance he's just able to find it in himself to (rightfully) place the blame on Jeremy when no one else is around to argue with him.

"Now I'm just / Michael in the bathroom / Michael in the bathroom at a party / Forget how long its been / I'm just Michael in the bathroom / Michael in the bathroom at a party / No, you can't come in"

Wow it's the chorus! Michael is all by himself and he's sad helpless vulerable alone I already explained this! And then there's that last line, no, you can't come in, he's still isolating himself from anyone aside from his DP.

"I'm waiting it out 'til it's time to leave / And picking at grout as I softly grieve / I'm just Michael who you don't know / Michael flying solo / Michael in the bathroom by himself / All by himself"

Same deal lalala

"I am hiding, but he's out there / Just ignoring all our history"

Even when Jeremy is mean, he's longing for him! He doesn't care if Jeremy is a jerk as long as they're together, as long as everything can be okay between them! As I said earlier, fawning is basically a defining feature of DPD. To me, this line implies that Michael just wants to be noticed by Jeremy again.

"Memories get erased and I'll get replaced / With a newer cooler version of me"

Michael hates the thought of being replaced! If Jeremy moves on to someone else, who will be there to take care of Michael? Michael—like most, if not all, people with DPD—feels incapable of taking care of himself. That's why he's so dependent on Jeremy, because he's always felt like Jeremy could do that for him. If Jeremy forgets about Michael to be with someone else, who will Michael Depend on?

"And I hear a drunk girl / Singing along to Whitney through the door / 'I wanna dance with somebody!'"

You know who else wants to dance with somebody? Michael! He just wants somebody to be there for him. He feels like he needs someone to be there for him, because for people with DPD, being alone is one of the scariest things in the world. He needs somebody, anybody, to Depend on. (Preferably Jeremy, but I do suppose beggars can't be choosers)

"And my feelings sink 'cause it makes me think / Now there's no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore"

Similar to the previous line, except this is more about how he specifically wants it to be Jeremy who is there for him.

Skipping the first and last bits of the chorus because I already did that!

"As I choke back the tears / I'll wait as long as I need / 'Til my face is dry / Or I'll just blame it on weed / Or something in my eye"

Poor Michael, he's so sad. Now, if he wants someone to take care of him so badly, wouldn't he want somebody to see him sad, so he can help? Well, normally, yes, but let's look at this a little deeper. Since Jeremy was his DP, he probably broke down at Jeremy a lot, and Jeremy would comfort him. Now that Jeremy's just gotten upset with him and called him a loser, a part of him could come to associate that breaking-down behavior with the confrontation, the rejection, and being alone. So now he'll do anything he can to avoid that. He may need someone to take care of him, but he can't face that rejection again. So now Michael is going to hide all his feelings so he doesn't have to get rejected again!

"Knock, knock, knock, knock / They're gonna start to shout soon / Knock, knock, knock, knock / Ah, hell yeah, I'll be out soon / Knock, knock, knock, knock / It sucks he left me here alone / Knock, knock, knock, knock / Here in this teenage battle—zone"

Ah, people are coming! Let's look at "Ah, hell yeah, I'll be out soon" in two different ways. First, if Michael thinks that these people will be able to take care of him. Not only will he be out of this bathroom, but he'll be out of this spiral, this loneliness. People are coming to save him, to tell him everything will be okay again. As long as he has somebody to help him, he can be okay. On the other hand, we can go off the previous explanation, where he's hiding all his feelings, and we can say that now that people are arriving, he has to get out of this bathroom, he has to get out of this state of mind, or else they'll catch him like this. Both are interesting, and since people are complicated, I'm gonna interpret this as: maybe he meant both, which makes the most sense to me. Because even if a part of him is going to try so hard to avoid rejection, there will always be a part of him screaming out for someone to take care of him.

"Clang, clang, clang, clang / I feel the pressure blowing up / Bang, bang, bang, bang / My big mistake was showing up / Splash, splash, splash, splash / I throw some water in my face / And I am in a better place / I go to open up the door / But I can't hear knocking anymore"

Notice how, once the knocking stops, he gives up on trying to leave. What's the point without someone there to help him, especially if that's the reason he was getting out in the first place? With no open arms to run into, why run at all? As we've seen throughout this song, without anyone to support him, Michael feels vulnerable and helpless. Everything feels pointless. Why leave if it's not going to give him what he wants, which is to be cared for?

"And I can't help but yearn / For a different time"

He misses Jeremy a lots :( poor sap

"And then I look in the mirror / And the present is clearer / And there's no denying, I'm just / At a party"

Michael feels, to put it simply, pathetic. And this is not uncommon for people with DPD. Someone who spends a huge chunk of their time obsessing over making sure they have someone to take care of them, because they can't do it on their own? It's really easy to feel that way. And, when Michael looks around at the way he had a huge spiral the moment he was alone, it's not surprising that this is upsetting him.

"Is there a sadder sight than, mhm / Michael in the bathroom at a party / This is a heinous night"

Same deal :( he so sad and he feels so awful and crap and this is just a very bad day for him. Poor Michael he needs a hug

"I wish I stayed at home instead / Watching cable porn / Or wish I offed myself instead / Wish I was never born"

This goes back to the bit about him feeling like he could just disappear. With him feeling like he's pathetic, this feeling could only worsen. He wishes he had never shown up, never done anything, never lost Jeremy. A characteristic of DPD is being super duper codependent on your DP. So, now that his DP has turned his back on him, Michael just feels hopeless and worthless and so, so so so alone. And now that he can't take care of himself...

Not gonna get too deep into that though because I promised there'd only be minor suicide talk and I fear I'm close to crossing that line (if I haven't already...sorry! ^^")

"I'm just Michael who's a loner"

He's all alone ahhh!!! Without Jeremy he's just so so so Alone :(( and he Hates it, because as I said earlier, being alone is, like, the worst feeling ever for someone with DPD

"So he must be a stoner / Rides a PT Cruiser"

:((

"God, he's such a loser"

This line is so interesting, considering Jeremy just called him a loser!!!!! And there are a couple of reasons this could be interesting! One of these could be him going back to just being submissive and agreeing with everything everyone else says, not disagreeing, not having his own opinions, and doing everything to avoid confrontation. My favorite way this could be interesting is...he's looking at himself through Jeremy's eyes. Trying to see what Jeremy sees wrong with him. Looking at the things Jeremy doesn't like, because that. That is what he needs to fix. Because getting Jeremy to like him again is his Top Priority.

"Michael flying solo"

Wauuuugh lonely boy :((

"Who you think that you know / Michael in the bathroom by himself / All by himself / All by himself"

WAUGHHH LONELLY BOY :((((( nobody knows him. Jeremy is the only one who knew him. No Jeremy = sad sad sad and alone alone alone.

"And all you know about me is my name / Awesome party, I'm so glad I came"

Back to hiding his feelings! No sad here! Just happy! Everything everyone does is amazing and please don't hate him and this was a great party haha and no confrontation no confrontation He's So Glad He Came :)))

Okay uhm. The end I think. LMK if you have any questions or anything like that!!!! (I'm more likely to remember they exist if you send me an ask :33)

So. Michael in the Bathroom. This is pretty self explanatory. Am I gonna explain it anyway? Yes. Jeremy, the person he is dependent on, just got upset with Michael, which is probably one of the things he's most afraid of. To be rejected by one's Dependent Person is very very very upsetting, to put it lightly. So, Jeremy's just called Michael a loser. Been mean to him. All that. And Michael just, like, loses it. He's Alone now, his worst fear—no one to take care of him, help him, hold his hand and tell him everything will be okay, pat him on the back and tell him what to do all the time, he has no one to be there for him. And he goes so far as to talk about disappearing and offing himself, because without his Dependent Person, it can feel like he's just Lost and Alone and without anyone to care for him, because with DPD, people feel like they need someone to take care of them, because they don't feel like they can take care of themselves. He's alone, and he feels too "vulnerable" and "helpless" to do anything but spiral and think about how, without his DP, he's just gonna be alone forever.

Actually. LMK if I should take a deep-dive into Michael in the Bathroom and how it supports this headcanon.

Desperately seeks another relationship when one ends

Michael doesn't do this exactly, but what he does to is desperately try to rebuild his relationship with Jeremy. People with DPD do this because they constantly need someone there to care for them and all, and for Michael, who is a social outcast, Jeremy might be his only hope of someone who'll tolerate him, especially in his current mental state.

Unrealistic preoccupation with being left alone and unable to care for themselves

I'm just looking again at Michael in the Bathroom. Like. Being alone is the Worst Possible Thing for him, very common in DPD.

And now just general talking!

My main reasons for headcanoning this are that he's so nice and forgiving towards Jeremy, focusing only on maintaining their friendship even when Jeremy is. a jerk. His main priority is always Jeremy, making sure Jeremy is okay, making sure Jeremy will still be friends with him.

Another reason is Michael in the Bathroom, which I already kind of explained, but again, LMK if I should take a deeper look.

There's also that he doesn't have any other friends, and it's a common thing in DPD for people to not need anything other than their Dependent Person—a lot of the time, they just want to be around their DP all the time, which Michael seems to want to hang out with Jeremy a lot!!

There is also!!!! A part of Two Player Game that is ..mostly me headcanoning, but what fun is anything if I can't have self-indulgent headcanons! It's the bit where Jeremy goes "but that doesn't mean that I can't still dream" and Michael pulls him back to "is it really true I'm your favowite person" and Jeremy goes back to "yeah we're never not gonna be a team"

This whole song is that they're always there for each other, they're always going to be a team, no matter what they'll always have each other, they'll be together together together together together. And when Jeremy starts to talk about how he maybe has other dreams .. other goals he wants to pursue .. other people ........ in my mind, maybe Michael got a little jealous and panicky at the thought of Jeremy finding something else, someone else, and Leaving Him Behind, so he tries to subtly remind Jeremy that THEY are best friends and they don't need ANYONE else because they have EACH OTHER, (which is how Michael feels. all he needs is Jeremy.)

Obviously all this "all he needs is his DP" backfires when his DP hates him and then he has NO ONE so he just spirals

That's basically it aaaaaaah!! TYSM for askingggg!!!! I love my DPD Michael headcanon it fits so good IMO. If you have any questions or want me to elaborate on anything or explain specific headcanons/thought processes/scenarios please please please send an ask or something! I have lots of experience with DPD so I could probably explain things pretty well!

Feel free to come to me with questions about any other BMC personality disorder headcanons, or DPD headcanons for any other charactesrs!! (or other personality disorder headcanons for other characters. I just love PD headcanons!)