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hey is anyone free to talk to me about something methyphobia related? (Methyphobia is fear of alcohol) My family triggered it pretty badly today and i'm highly anxious about new years eve but the thing is that drinking is so common so not many people actually get what its like but i just..... really need to talk.
DM me if you want.... idk.
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ok, so this isn’t normal stuff for me but yeah its long i know. I have methyphobia. And i can deny it but its getting to be a problem Nearly no one knows. my family dont know. I've had it all my life. but never told anyone till recently. My family have no idea that i die inside when they have a glass of wine at the dinner table. they've never noticed me check bottles of shweppes lemon lime and bitters before i have even a sip. they dont know how much i hated the valentines dinner where desert was port wine jelly, even though i was told there was no alcohol in it. I avoid the sauce when we have spaghetti bolognaise because always has red wine in it. I skip over scenes where characters in books get drunk. i panic silently in movies. I've had nightmares of people in my family getting drunk. I hate it when we go to pubs for dinner. i feel sick the whole time. when the conversation flicks over to alcohol abuse in class discussions i die inside. it ruined pirates of the Caribbean for me. but lately my methyphobia has been improving. it will get worse. i wont get over it. because i'm scared. methyphobia is classified as an irrational fear, but i disagree. i dont tell people because i would feel like i was insulting their ways. I still remember my older sisters 21st. i didn't know there was a word for it yet. I hated it. the whole night. My sister was drunk. It ruined my already pretty shitty night. I remember how I felt googling my fear. finding out there was a word for it. it felt more normal after that. I told my friends. some of them at least. I wrote it down. I accepted it. i realized why others didn't act like me. why they were okay. But as much pain as it puts me through,i don’t intend to get over it. you could say i’m afraid of my future self becoming intoxicated. I'm afraid of what i could do. i don’t want to lose control. There are words i hate hearing. the word drunk seems evil when i say it. seeing it written or hearing it said makes me feel sick. I'm feeling sick writing this. And i know it’ll only get worse. I'm still young enough. there aren’t expectations. There will be though. my fear might be getting better but it wont last. I will keep lying. but a don’t think i can forever. I don’t cry. i don’t hyperventilate. but my heart rate quickens and i tense up. And i don't know anyone else with it. sometimes i just feel so alone with it. But i’ll live. I am getting better. for now.
Me, three months ago: having heart palpitation, hyperventilating and retching over red wine being too close to me
Me now: Anxious and wanting to cry over red wine being too close to me, but keeping steady breath and not wanting to throw up
Facing an extreme phobia is extremely daunting and hard, but it's not impossible. You'll be alright
if you don't mind my asking, why are you scared of alcohol? You've mentioned it a few times ad i don't understand what's so bad about it
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh there’s some personal shit behind it all I’d rather not get into
At it’s core, I guess I’m scared of what it DOES to people. I don’t look at a bottle of wine and freak out, it’s more when I see the person drinking it
I panic really easily, and if someone drinks every day, even just a tiny bit, I will automatically think they’ve got some hidden issues and are turning to alcohol to cope
I hate the casual way people talk about binge drinking and how they joke about needing to be shitfaced to get through the week. Even if it’s just a joke, I KNOW it can be real and that terrifies me
When people get drunk they say things, do things that hurt themselves and others. Your inhibitions get lowered when you’re drunk and I’m scared of the consequences of saying those intrusive thoughts you’d never normally say
The peer pressure you feel the second you’re in high/secondary school to drink, and how you’ll be stigmatized by other kids and even adults if you don’t drink.
I have this one memory of after-prom, a girl from class is burned into my mind. She was totally smashed, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, jaw slack, unable to stand, her friends holding her like a rag doll and her body like it was boneless. I asked if they needed an ambulance and her friends just said ‘nah she does this all the time’
I found out at school on monday she was found in a forest miles away from the party with no shoes or memory.
That’s normalized. It’s horrifying
I myself am easily addicted to stuff, so I stay away from things that could hurt me. A 4 year addiction to olives is not too bad, watching Lilo and Stitch reruns every day is not too bad, but I know that if you replace those simple things with ANYTHING considered a stimulant, depressant or anything, I’ll be in trouble
This is a bit rambly so... hope that answers it.
I am getting a BIT better though. I used to really believe anyone dieting would develop a serious eating disorder and panicked all the time about it. Challenging intrusive thoughts with logic and reason is really difficult, but it does help. I still can’t hold ‘alcohol glasses’ without wanting to scrub my skin, but I can touch a can of beer without too much stress. It’s small but, it’s still improvement
INKTOBER
Day 3: Poison
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One of my little motivators is setting ‘GETTING OVER PHOBIA’ goals in regards to my alcohol fears. Just little things like:
Making this awesome potato and pork recipe that uses red wine
Going to my biffles work at the gin distillery
Comfortably writing characters who drink
But none of those are getting any closer, so I’m adding a new little goal to the list
Go to one of the abandoned lots around here, and go absolutely fucking nuts with molotov cocktails
Okay, for the first time, I'm actually going to need to see some leaks. If Summer Aventurine's animations are about alcohol, I'm going to actually hurt someone. People are saying it has SoulGlad, but like??? Is it alcoholic??? They've always been confused about if it is or not, and it makes me uncomfortable.
It's already hard having an alcohol phobia as a non-pd person but as someone with aspd, therefore prone to addictions and self-destructive behaviors, it's even worse cus not only am I terrified of alcohol for reasons I don't even understand but I'm utterly aware I feel the pull to self-harm myself by getting myself addicted
