#messedupyetagain

For the last five years I’ve tried to gain back my life. 

It’s been one heck of a road - I tell you. One day I have all this momentum and energy, and motivation to do right, to live right, to change my life for the better...

And the next day (sometimes even that same day LOL) - it’s completely gone.

It’s soooo hard when you have no-one to talk to, no-one that understands you, no-one that listens to you. Half the time I just wanna curl up in a corner and stay there forever - cause it feels like I’m not here - like no-one knows I’m here until they want something from me, or I do something they don’t like.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying I see myself as perfect, and I’m not saying my life is perfect...Shit...I’ve f*#ked things up, I don’t blame my family for not wanting to be in my life.  I’ve said and done things I really fully regret, and wish I didn't say or do!!! But everyone knows - what’s done is done - it can’t be undone.

My life is so messed up ... My head is so messed up ... I needed to find a social media site to express myself...just to get stuff outta me. So my stories - BLOGS - are gonna about my life, probably not in order - you know - I’ll probably tell bits about this year, and then go back a few years...carry on about this year, and go on about my early childhood...and so on, and so on...

Hope I’m not too confusing for you all LOL. And I hope my blogs are interesting enough for you to read, and comment/feedback on. 

I’m very new at this blogging stuff, and sharing about myself. Hence the reason I’m doing it on Tumblr. I’m a very shy person, and I don’t like talking about myself - about what’s going on in my life etc.. But I need to do this for me. I need to get things out of my system, to help me feel better. At the moment I’m very emotional, and I keep thinking about my wrongdoings ...