#merlin rambles

there's something rotting inside of me that can't be dug out. and there's a secret that i'll never understand. night is dark and it's me alone with you, crawling through the underbrush of himalayan blackberry there's something at the edge of what i can see- shifting in the shadows. i am calm and collected except, the dirt is beneath my palms and the water is near. and i can't be here looking through my eyes which never have shown me anything but half-truths it never had a beginning. it was a one-sided star chart where any three stars can be connected. it is shining bright in the winter sky above the northern hemisphere, and i can feel it above the city there is nothing here except what i have built! beneath the stars is my house of sticks and mud, and the flood season is coming. why have i built a house wasn't there something better for me to do?! there was meant to be something to encourage honey mushroom to grow through the mountains. there's a casket in the roots of a ponderosa pine i should be resting in, and when the sun rises against bark it will smell like what should have been. instead there were true ferns and the fucking himalayan blackberry and structures in the woods and there was it was only me. the stars above me had shifted. and it was me and the trees i didn't know and the all encompassing dread that it wasn't meant to continue. it did and there was another and there was a clay pot on the mantle of my crumbling house. and i had never used a clay pot. i need to put it back it's going to shatter when this awfully constructed house falls down. soon i will lie in the rubble and dream of march. but i will not be surprised when the stars don't shift! i can see everything and smell the dirt again. but there are true ferns around me and waterlogged-memories, i have to head for the sun-bleached forests of vanilla before i look again to the stars

morgana has the exact vibes of someone who complains about and blames Rich Straight White Cis Men™ whenever she herself is personally inconvenienced, despite being... rich white and cis herself 💀

I got into a small local convention in October. I have a lot to get done between then and now.

just finished one episode 18 and i will never ever ever be the same ever again. cheers!