every woman wants to be loved and every man wants to be tased. apparently.

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every woman wants to be loved and every man wants to be tased. apparently.

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men make me go ????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????
Me reblogging/liking freaky posts knowing damn well I’ve never touched a man in my life
The effect i have on men should genuinely be studied bc what do you mean you're in the comments of my Letterboxd review of Avatar Fire & Ash

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Man Maid
CW: Fighting, Swearing, Blue-balling, Dottore
“It has come to my attention that most of us in this room is not really leaving the place in best condition, I’m not naming anyone but you know who you guys are.” Pierro says tapping the papers together in front of him, everyone in said room had major egos and thought it was everyone else leaving the mess, but there was one person that popped up first in everyone’s minds; Dottore. Which led to everyone looking at thought male. It didn’t take long for him to notice the looks, “I hope you all die.”
Pierro instantly pulls everyone’s attention back, “that being said, through some carefully hand picked performances of thirty people only one person has completed the entire process, so now, may I introduce our new maid-“ the door to the conference room gently opened and what many of the harbingers were expecting was a woman turned out to be a grown man, he wasn’t the tallest nor looked really stronger than some of the people standing in the room, what made him so special?
“[Name].” With your name being called you quickly closed the door behind you and made your way next to Pierro, giving a quick bow to your, now, superiors. “He will be handling the cleaning, and assisting the lot of you, he has a set schedule on which one of you he will be helping but if you really need something from him you’ll each get buttons that will summon him to your aid, whether to say he’ll show up or not is a different matter, I trust you’ll try not to kill him within the first week.” And once again everyone looked at Dottore. “Fuck you all! I’m out’a here!” Dottore leaves in a huff.
You continue to have a smile on your face the rest of the meeting, leaving some of the harbingers wonder what the fuck you’re thinking about, not talking and always looking straight ahead at nothing, almost as if you were a robot. “And that about covers everything, you may all go back to your work.” Pierro says to the harbingers, though he turns to you and says, “you may as well finish unpacking,” and you give a gentle bow quickly leaving.
Childe, Scaramouche, and La Signora walking the halls together talked about you like gossipy teenagers, “you think I can get him to break if Dottore doesn’t kill him by then?” Childe asks his two co-workers, “good luck on that did you even see how he just stood there like a robot? Likely chance is he already got to him and made him into a robot,” Signora scoffs as she turned a corner away from the others so she can get back to work.
Speak of the devil, Childe and Scara notice you walking towards them, your mind set on getting to your destination, “hey how about you come over-“ Childe says only to see you briskly walking right past them, Scara laughs at this and walks away leaving his ginger “friend” behind. Childe looked at where you were walking to, Dottore’s Office. “Rest in peace asshole.”
You had just got done unpacking and were making you’re way to Dottore’s Office to assist with anything. You reach his door, you had got a brief description of everyone and knew not to pull Dottore from his work, you merely opened the door and quietly closed it behind you, as to not make noise that would disturb him. And it had worked, he didn’t even spare a glance, you don’t even think he knows you’re in here. You look around the lab like room and assessed in your mind what needed to be cleaned and put things in order.
You spent the past few hours quietly cleaning the room, Dottore was so engrossed with his work he never even noticed you. You finally finish and you look at the now clean room, it was as you envisioned it. You gave a quick bow towards Dottore and made your leave, he had suddenly heard the click of the door closing and looked around the now clean room in shock, “how the fuc-“
You make your way back to your room when suddenly a certain frequency made its way into your right ear from your earpiece, it was Childe’s designated pitch, indicating he needs you.
You finally reach the area where Childe was, which looked to be a training arena for the Fatui, you spot the ginger fighting some subordinates in a designated fighting arena, you make your way over. Apparently he liked to fight a lot in means to get stronger, which you could respect.
You watched as he easily made work of the subordinates, when done, he noticed you and you quickly take bow, “now you can’t ignore me, I’ll give you two options, the easy way, or the hard way?” Little did he know, you loved challenges and would take them even if it would get him killed, you held up two fingers indicating you’d take the harder option which leaves the ginger a bit upset, but amused nonetheless, “everyone! I want you to make a mess of this room!” Which leaves everyone confused as to why which made Childe more upset, “NOW!” And everyone got to quick work messing the place up, leaving trash on the floor, sweaty towels everywhere, and placing dumbbells and various weights around, albeit some needing two people to move, “good enough, now leave!” They all briskly leave, in fear of what would happen if they don’t.
Childe then turns to you, “so comrade, think you can clean this up?” The ginger says with an evil-like laugh, though through it all your smile never dissipated, you watched as Childe went and laid down and a bench to relax, leaving you to clean this mess, you take off your coat and place it on Childe neatly, which took him off guard a little. You reached in your pocket and pulled out a stopwatch, taking a deep breath you start the watch and Childe can only watch dumbfounded as you effortlessly cleaned up the mess at an almost inhuman speed, even lifting the heavy weights with ease and walking back up to him while stopping the watch, you barely showed any sweat or strain, not even your breathing had changed. You simply grabbed your coat and put it back on, simply bowing. As you were about to leave his voice stopped you.
“Fight me.” You turned to him, that stupid smile, he oh so badly wanted to wipe that smile off of your face. He wanted to hear your voice but instead you just give a simple nod. It pissed him off, but he’s determined to make you talk, despite not being able to in the first place, you didn’t look the fittest nor the strongest, so he thought he could take you down easily.
Punches were heard in the empty room, you receiving said punches, this pissed Childe off royally, as he knew you weren’t even trying, and that stupid smile that he hated so much was still plastered on your face, “comrade, your not even gonna try?” It clicked in his head, you wanted permission to fight back, “I see now, you need permission to fight back, well then, I give you permission so to fight back, to make this fair,” your smile finally dropped, and Childe doesn’t know what it was about it but it sent fear throughout his body, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to put up a good fight.
Not even thirty minutes later he was under you, both sweating, he doesn’t know what it was but Childe found it exhilarating, not even realizing that he was getting flustered, you realized for him and it brought that stupid smile back to your face, he was in a vulnerable position and he weirdly liked it, he finally realized after he could feel his body getting hotter, and an all too familiar feeling rising down south. Shit eating grin plastered on your face as you knew what he was feeling, “I- ugh-“ we was instantly cut off when your knee pressed against him, he bit his lip so keep himself from gasping in pleasure.
A few minutes later and here he was, number eleven of the Fatui Harbingers reduced to moaning and whimpering for you to pleasure him, not caring if someone heard him as he would kill them later, “please, I- AA-“ we was cut off when you finally reached your hand into his pants, just when he thought he was finally going to get some release he heard a pitched frequency from your earpiece, you quickly get up leaving Childe hot, bothered, and confused, “comrade, where are you going?” He wanted you to finish him, he watched as you left him there with his problem, “asshole.” Was all he could say before you completely left the room.
I am NOT proofreading allatđź’€