#memory disorder

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

And on the outside you know it seems like whatever. I lost one item and it's a set of dice and I have countless sets of dice and I can more than live without them.

But I'm not having a panic attack over the fact that I lost DICE, I'm having a meltdown over the fact that I LOST dice that I should by all accounts HAVE ON MY PERSON SOMEWHERE.

And it seems so inconsequential but like that one ADHD post about the forgotten butterscotch said before like yeah I'm losing it over a little thing but this happens with big things too and no one else takes this seriously until it's a big thing with consequences.

And no one else seems to understand that I don't get to pick what I do and don't remember by default, regardless of perceived importance, and that I will forget anything from where I put a dice set to My Student Loan Payment Is Tomorrow.

His response: Yeah, because that happened to you at summer camp when we were kids. Remember?

Me: ...what?

Brother: You fell off your bike and skinned your knee on the gravel? And then it was improperly cleaned and there was still debris inside and you had to have surgery later to have it removed?

Me: That sounds familiar maybe?

Brother: And then your knee got infected after the surgery and that's why you have that big scar on your knee? Remember?

I write down the time that I got downstairs to leave. I write down who texted me. I write down something I appreciated. I write down who sent me emails. I write down it I made plans.

I also collect things. Pins, hats, shirts, movie tickets, carnival tickets, photographs, sticky notes, stickers, etc.

My point is that I think Spencer Reid (who is afraid of loosing his touch with reality and forgetting everything like his mother) would do the same. It’s not the same disorder or the same chances but it’s the same fear. It’s the fear of genetics, it’s the fear of loss, it’s the fear of seeing something you saw happen to someone you love happen to you.

Part 1

Part 2