#meltingself

[ ID: A digital watercolor wash of pale purples and peaches that loosely resemble jellyfish. Words are in dark indigo: “DNI IF: fit basic DNI criteria, gatekeeper/REG/exclus, anti-mogai, anti-lesboy/turigirl, trumpie, anti-aspec, anti-mspec gay/lesbian, anti-endo, proship/anti-anti, JK Rowling apologist, prolife/anti-abortion, anti-decolonization, TERF/radfem, anti-kin/anti-alterhuman, anti PNC & GNC.” End ID. ]

Strolling stoned along a scummy city sidewalk, the being called “I” swims subconsciously in a silty swamp of streaming thoughts. In flows anxiety, insecurity, longing, past struggles, future dreams, and I float fearfully along in my cloudy mental river. I wander and wander and am nowhere to be found. Lost in the aimless haze of my mind’s eye, it feels like ages before that little sage in my head finally speaks his mystic message: “Welcome back.” And I’m back. Here I am! Breathing in, breathing out. Feeling this present step. And this one. Aaand now this. Back here in the present, the eternal now, my often-forgotten permanent address. I’m still floating but the ride’s a little smoother. I don’t get so hung up on the bumps in the road. I know I’ll drift off again, I always do, but I see it’s okay. You must know blurriness before you can know clarity. You must get lost before you are found. Grateful for the deepening mystery, I float along.

I’ve never really spilled my thoughts publicly on the internet before, but I feel a compelling urge to let loose and allow my fingers to transform these sensations into sharable text. These earthly lives are too short not to share one’s heart all the time, and I think that maybe, just maybe, someone will read something here and it will bring joy to their life. If not, I’m still going to have a great time practicing the art of written communication and clarifying my worldview in the process. I have undergone a potent inner transformation in the last few years, coming to a much more peaceful state of being, and I feel the need to share my journey with the world. My only hope is that I might truthfully share the blazing fire in my heart. Remember to take these words with a grain of salt, for I am just one perspective in this infinitely-faceted diamond of a universe. You must find your own truth at your own pace. This is mine. Thanks for joining me on this journey. ☮