“Let me go!” he hissed.

“You can’t save everyone, Doctor!” Garak hissed right back, right into his ear, holding him pinned against his chest.

“I can save her!”

“Doctor, if you stop now, the Jem’Hadar will kill you and slaughter everyone on this station. The Dominion will win this. If you go to OPS, we all might stand a chance!”

Garak let him go. For a moment, he considered bolting. It would be a gamble. He wasn’t sure which one of them was stronger than the other, but he knew for sure that he was faster.

Or did he? He’d almost seen stars getting pulled backwards into the dark. It hadn’t been a few meters, he could see that now. It had been almost 25.

“Doctor,” Garak was watching him, “I will not let you go back. I am going to stop you if you try.”

He could feel the tears. He could hear Ensign Lillard’s wet moans.

Garak’s fingers were fast too. If he hadn’t the advantages he’d be rewritten to have, he wouldn’t have seen the phaser come up or the setting flick from kill to stun.

“If I have to render you unconscious to get you to the Commander, I will.”

He, humiliatingly, lost his sight to tears.

“I am stopping you,” Garak repeated, “I … am stopping you from going back.”

He let the tears come, but he took a deep breath and started towards OPS anyway. He needed his hands to climb; he couldn’t cover his ears.

*

“Mr. Garak.”

“Just Garak, Commander.”

“Doctor Bashir’s reports tell me that without your intervention, Ensign Lillard might have survived the attack on the station.”

“Ah, she did not. I am truly sorry to hear this, Commander. Believe me -”

“Are you? Bashir tells me you yanked him out of a fire fight with the Jem’Hadar that shot her and forced him at gunpoint to walk in front of you all the way to OPS.”

“Did he?”

“Yes.”

“The good Doctor may be under the misapprehension that I am very strong.”

“Based on Ensign Lillard’s autopsy, had you not done all of these things, she would have died anyway, followed by the Doctor and most of the people on this station.”

“Well, the good Doctor does tend towards the melodramatic - As … I’m sure you are aware, given that you are his commanding officer.”

“Garak.”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Battle does things to a man. It hardens him. If Doctor Bashir does not become hard enough  to make those kinds of decisions for himself, he and everyone who reports to him will be just as dead as Ensign Lillard as soon as he's the most senior officer in the room.”

“I ... see.”

“Thank you for saving his life. It saved all of ours.” Sisko leaned in, his voice a rumble almost as low as an engine hum, “In fact, Garak, save as many lives as you want. But make another decision for him or any of my officers again and you will live to regret it.”

“Garak didn’t say that,” Ezri knew.

“Of course he didn’t. Do you think I don’t know him? I’ve known Garak for six and a half years! I watched the security footage. He asked you to leave, and you didn’t! You -” He struggled to keep his hands from fisting, they stopped at claws. “You forced him into therapy in a public place against his will, and how he’s in my infirmary because he couldn’t breathe.”

“Captain Sisko -”

“Captain Sisko didn’t want you to incapacitate him! Even if he had, you are a medical professional - you took an oath.”

“I -”

“First - do - no - harm!” He slammed his palm down onto the empty biobed between them in between every word.

“You’ve broken that rule yourself!”

“When?” Julian shouted, “Tell me one thing you’ve ever seen me do - “

“Jadzia - “

“You’re not Jadzia!”

“No, I’m not! She was never in love with you!”

Julian turned on her, slow and incredulous. “How dare you use my feelings for her against me?”

“I’m not - I’m not! It’s … I …”

He stared, “You’re joking.”

“I promise that I’m not.”

“All those memories - how can you be so uninformed about me? Medicine, ethical medicine is -”

“It wasn’t important to you when you fucked Melora! And what about Sarina, you can’t possibly twist that into - ”

“I’m the CMO of a Space Station! Everyone I fall in love with is going to be my patient sooner or later!”

“Excuse me!”

Their heads whipped around to find Odo, standing in the doorway to the infirmary, and behind him, a horrifying amount of onlookers.

“Whatever is happening in your infirmary, Doctor, is causing a significant noise disturbance on the Promenade. Is this a domestic dispute?”

“You might be onto something there, Constable,” their heads whipped back in the opposite direction, where Garak had emerged from the private room and was only wobbling a little bit. He rasped “If Doctor Bashir and Counselor Dax here were Cardassians, you would have to arrest them for public indecency.”

Ezri’s face burned all the way up to her hairline. Julian took a deep breath and folded his arms across his chest, staring at Garak. “What are you doing out of bed? You’re supposed to be -”

“- resting, yes Doctor, I’m aware.” Garak refused to look at either of them, eyes somewhere around knee level. “I think I might be better off doing that in my own quarters.”

“You can’t stand up straight!” Julian reached out, but froze when Garak flinched back.

“That’s!” Garak almost yelped and then continued a little more calmy, “Quite alright, Doctor … I wouldn’t want to stay here too long. Can’t have you falling in love with me now, can we?”

Julian’s eyes widened, his mouth tight. His head whipped around to face Ezri, who was staring at him again now, still pink with humiliation. His glare burned holes in her.

Garak continued a slow progress through the infirmary, holding on to whatever surface he could find and staying as far away from the two of them as he could. “Constable, if you would be so kind, I would quite appreciate the company on the walk to my quarters.”

Odo strode forward to offer his arm to Garak.

Julian tried one more time, “Garak, you -”

“I’ll be sure to comm someone if I’m having trouble breathing again, Doctor. Jabara doesn’t live all that far from me.”

They watched the two of them leave. When they were out of sight, Ezri turned back to Julian only to watch him Julian collapse, his whole body still, nothing except the look on his face playing out his emotions.

She put it together.

“Oh no,” she whispered.

“Mr. Garak?”

It was so hot in here, despite the cold fingers in his bones. That must be why he was sweating. Maybe why there was a prickling under the scales of his neck. 

“Mr. Garak, can you hear me?”

He couldn’t feel his body. It was so strange. He was looking out of his eyes. Those were his hands, his feet.“It’s hot.” Garak said. 

“Garak! Sisko to Bashir, medical emergency in my office.”

That wasn’t right. It had been so bright in the damn tube. “I can’t remember, Captain.”

“I know you can’t, don’t think about that now. Can you take a deep breath?”

He thought about that for a little while and then said, “I think there’s something wrong.”

“Captain, what - Oh my God, Garak!”

The prickling heat was running through his eyes and jaw now, he could feel the muscles in his neck spasm.

“Put your head between your knees, Captain can you - “

“Is he going to vomit?”

“Bashir to Dax, medical emergency in the Captain’s office.”

“This is a private briefing!” He tried to glare at the Doctor, who was nearly upside down now that he’d pushed Garak’s head down like that.

“Forget the briefing!” Sisko was being very loud.

“Please calm down, sir!”

“I was just in OPS, what - Oh my God.”

“If he goes down, we’re all fucked, Julian! We’re all dead!”

“Shut up Ben!”

“All of you shut up,” Garak mumbled.

Surprisingly, they did.

If that one worked, maybe this would too, “Go away.”

“Garak, I need to get you to the infirm-”

Garak didn’t remember much about what he started screaming about after that. The tube, the pressure, the Cardassians who he might as well have murdered himself. That Sisko cared about all of his crew, but Garak was just a tool. That the Doctor didn’t care about him anymore so why was he bothering? That Ziyal was dead and she’d been the last person to be happy to see him. When he ran out of words he realized that he was gulping sobs, crying like a child.

“What does he mean, a cabinet?”

“Bashir to infirmary, emergency medical transport. Three to transport, energ-”

The Doctor’s word were choked off. Was he alright? Oh. He was being throttled. Only one hand, that should be easy to break. Maybe he could help? The Captain was trying to pry the fingers open, that was good. The Doctor was needed. The war couldn’t be won without him. Save the Doctor. Get the girl. No, get the key. Kiss the girl, get the key.

The Doctor was very strong, wasn’t he? That secret he’d had made him stronger and better than anyone who’d worked or bled or killed to earn those skills. He was never in any danger, he could break - oh, like that.

“What the hell did you take, Mr. Garak?”

“He didn’t take anything!” She was very tiny, putting herself in front of him like that. Between the Captain and himself. 

“Shhhh!” He hissed at Sisko

“He’s having a clinical anxiety attack, possibly with mild psychosis. Both of you get out of here and don’t come back until I let you - Julian get away from him with that hypo! If you sedate him he’ll never trust any of us again.”

“Don’t trust him now,” Garak said, “Keeps making me stay alive.”

“What?” Bashir rasped.

“Go to the infirmary, Julian! Ben, get out!”

So quiet … such a relief. No more questions. Quiet. Apart from the ringing in his ears. Or was that the sound of the Jem’Hadar ship again, from where he was in the tube? Why couldn’t they just let him stop?

Eventually, he heard something else.

“ - not in the tube. You’re on Deep Space 9. There’s no one here except for you and me. You’re in no danger. Can you hear me, Garak? You’re not in the tube. You’re not in the cabinet. You’re on Deep Space 9. You’re in a very big room. Can you hear me, Garak? Oh!”

He could hear her.

“Good, that’s good. Can you take your shoes off, Garak? No? Can I take your shoes off? No, that’s a no, I won’t touch you. Can you feel your hands? Good. Do you know what they’re touching? Good, that’s great. Can you put all of your attention to what you’re feeling between your fingers?”

He could do that. It was better than thinking about anything else.

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling in your hands? No, that’s alright. I want you to think of five different words to describe how that feels on your hands. Not all at once, I’m going to tell you how to breathe and at the end of each exhale, you’re going to think of a word. Ready? Good, thank you for trying. In through the nose ... hold, two, three, four, five, and out through the mouth …”

“Coarse.”

“Good, that’s good. You don’t have to tell me, but I’m glad you did. In through the nose …”

*

He did end up allowing Ezri to take his shoes off to plant them firmly on the ground. When he wryly described the floor as filthy, she gave him a sisterly laugh and helped him put them back on.

He didn’t know how long she talked to him, hypnotic in her gentleness. He found himself eventually able to understand what she was saying. She asked him if they could meet every day, just for a little while.

“No one eats with me anymore anyway,” he said.

“We can have breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever you’d like. But in private would be best, so maybe not the Promenade.”

She didn’t ask him how he was feeling. She asked him what he wanted to do next.

“Sleep.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Do you know where you’d like to sleep?”

“Everywhere’s too small.”

“How about a holosuite?”

He thought about that. Sleeping under an open sky. In a ballroom. In a garden. “Yes.”

“Dax to Quark. I will be there in ten minutes, and you will have cleared out a holosuite for my professional use for the next twenty six hours.”

“Not that tired.”

“I know. I don’t wan’t you to feel rushed.”

He thought about standing, but the message didn’t make it to limbs. At least they weren’t cold and hot anymore.

“Can I help you stand? Thank you for trusting me. Here we go.”

She was so tiny. He had no idea how she was holding him upright.

Out of Sisko’s office. He glared at the Doctor, “You’re not supposed to be here,” he hissed, and the human looked hurt. Good.

The rest of it was a blur, and then he was in a holosuite.

“How does a field sound? There’s a rainforest on Trill that has a lot of flowers, it’s very hot. Alright, let’s try it. Computer, load program Ezbo12Beta. Add a Cardassian style bed. Alright, let’s get you over there.”

He closed his eyes.

“Garak, I’m going to leave and bring you back water and food. You don’t have to have them if you don’t want to. After that, I’m going to leave again, but I’m going to wait outside to make sure no one bothers you until you’re ready to leave. Is that all alright with you?”

*

“How did you do it?” Julian brought dinner to her, as she had refused to leave her post. 

“I’m good at my job.”

“I know that."

“You still think you could do it better, don’t you?”

“I -"

“Don’t bother. I don’t think you should be here when he’s ready to leave,” she said. 

“But -”

“You can’t override me when it comes to mental health matters.”

He sighed. 

“And don’t try to talk to me about getting traumatized over this, it’s a conflict of interest. You’ll have to use an EMH.”

“That’s too bad,” he swallowed. It was still a bit of a struggle.

“It is for you.” She agreed. “I’m a very good counselor.”

They’d all come back and Ziyal had been so lovely to see him, so sincere. 

That was when it had started. When he’d stopped stopping it. Nothing could be worse than it already was.  Just let her love you, Elim.