#mekaneck

Masters of the Universe (2026)

The erasure of masculinity also creates monsters.

Only the allowance of true authentic masculinity and letting it flow naturally instead of making it a performance creates real men.

Protect Ya Neck!

sorry inhavent been posting art, i got ten billion times more tired, i hope im still interesting and intriguing despite this

I pull away to grab my strap but the silicone phallus has been chewed up by dog and in pieces. She’s grinding on my thigh as my eyes dart around looking for something else to use.

I find a 1982 RAM MAN figure and we’re back on track.

She whimpers as I spread her legs and tease her, rubbing the figures head along her center circling her clit.

Her hips buck wanting more. I start pushing ram man into her slippery hole but even though he’s round he’s uncomfortably wide. I’d never want to hurt my pretty little slut.

That’s when I remember my 1983 Mekaneck, whose head includes articulation to extend his neck. I attach him to my strap and bend her over.

Her juicy ass is beautiful as a thrust Mekaneck into her. She moans and gasps for breath “oh yeah baby” clearly enjoying herself.

That’s when I remember: these are vintage figures! I can’t sully them with the juices of a slut!

Watching the trailers told me that this film would be good, even as my prior experiences of being burned by the modern film-making industry was distantly ringing at the back of my head "This could still be a total let down."

Having seen the movie yesterday, I am more than pleased to announce that Masters of the Universe 2026 blew me away and satisfied my need for a good movie - and that's not counting all the He-Man Easter eggs and other homages sprinkled throughout this film that had me about losing my marbles at various points in the movie (though this was specifically near the end, which is where you REALLY have to be a fan and nerd of the franchise in order to know all the little nuances.)

In hindsight, since you can find the synopsis on Wikipedia, I shall forego giving a play-by-play of the movie and give you my takeaway from the action, acting, characters, and plot structure.

First up: the cast and characters.

I will admit, I was very skeptical and even resistant against the idea of Idris Elba playing Duncan. His physical build doesn't particularly align with Man-At-Arms' broad-shouldered physique, and up until yesterday, I have seen him playing primarily stoic characters with little in the way of a sense of humor. However, he completely sold me on his portrayal of Duncan. Not only was the character a nigh perfect blend of the Filmation version's relaxed playful nature and the drill instructor attitude of his 2002 counterpart, but you could tell from the way Duncan virtually leapt out of the screen that Elba was committing 1,000,000% to the role and franchise. Apparently he had grown up watching the original show, which explains a great deal about the enthusiasm he brought to the role and movie as a whole.

Duncan himself is rather well-written in the movie. I had virtually no complaints other than Man-At-Arms becoming alcoholic in the wake of his failure to save Eternia and the royal family from Skeletor. Given however that he was in such bad shape that his young daughter had to come and force him to his feet, I can understand how that did a number on Duncan. To paraphrase his statements to Adam halfway through the film and in the third act, it's a man's job to protect his family, his people, those he cares about. And Duncan took a degree of pride in that, which when combined with how blindsided he and everyone were by Skeletor's attack, it does make sense that Duncan would take this poorly. (I confess though, the alcoholism still feels out of character to me and as a bit of a poor writing choice for Man-At-Arms.)

Teela herself was a refreshing step away from her usual portrayals as a superbly proud warrior whose competency made her abusive towards Adam. Instead, in Masters of the Universe 2026, she's essentially his number one supporter even when she's left confused and frustrated by some of the Earth customs Adam's picked up during his period of hiding on his mother's homeworld. Camila Mendes portrayed her very well, and brought a kind of sweetness to Teela that is, arguably, out of place with the character unless she's interacting with her adopted father.

Speaking of, the writers chose to flip the script: rather than being a sweetly devoted daddy's girl and bully of Adam, Teela in this movie is the dogged backer of Adam in his journey to confront and defeat Skeletor while giving her father a hard time for his fifteen year period of being an alcoholic - to the point he was basically kept in a small, jury-rigged prison at some point. As jarring as this feels, and as disappointing as it is to have put such a strain on their otherwise persistently loving relationship, I believe this was done for twofold reasons. The first would be to avoid the trappings and backlash that comes with having a girlboss lead, which would have certainly alienated audiences and made people disregard the film entirely. The second is because by avoiding making Teela such a jerk to Adam, any future romance between the two will be far more palatable than her general disposition toward the crown prince.

Is it annoying? Yes, but it makes sense - especially if you want to keep Teela's mean edge. Then you would naturally flip the script in this instance to keep some form of consistency.

Randor and Marlena were perfectly cast and performed their roles excellently. Marlena's nurturing nature was the ideal contrast to Randor's more aloof demeanor when it came to their interactions with Adam, and the moment where Randor clears up the misconception Adam had about his father's attitude was beautiful. It was heartwarming to see Adam, in that moment of vulnerability, admit he believed Randor wanted him "to be someone else", only for Randor to explain he never wanted Adam to be anyone other than himself. "You were so small...and the world so big" sums up this version - and arguably most versions of Randor - perfectly: he always loved his son, but with how tiny Adam had been, and how he had been unable to even save his daughter, Randor was desperate for his only remaining child to become strong enough to protect himself. And Randor admitting he went about it the wrong way was very heartfelt, and you feel Adam's sadness once he dies.

Our Heroic Warriors - Fisto, Ram Man, Mekaneck, and the newspaper comic only Dian - were cast and portrayed very well, especially the first two's confusion and defensiveness when they mistake Adam for a madman and his names for them as offensive in nature until they meet up again later. You feel Fisto's concerns for Teela in his shortness with her when she returns, and the way he acts almost paternal to her and Dian - the two action girls of this film, which is an interesting coincidence in light of the question over Teela's parentage - was very sweet, especially how, despite everyone on Eternia being traditionally masculine, Fisto is not only the one who tells Skeletor who "the warrior" in possession of the Power Sword is in order to save Dian's life, but he's 1 the Heroic Warrior who has the most audible reaction of horror to Moss Man's demise, and 2 he's close to tears in the wake of that and Dian nearly getting her windpipe crushed following their initial decision to remain silent. It was very good to me, and I enjoyed it. Roboto was also fun, and despite being annoyed by the gender swap, Kristen Wiig pulled it off beautifully, especially the dynamic Roboto and Duncan ended up developing; it was very heartfelt, and I found myself enjoying it.

Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, and Trap-Jaw felt like they had stepped out of the cartoons and were let off the chain of "kid friendly" with a new PG-13 rating in this movie, and it was fantastic. Leto kept Skeletor as hammy and threatening as he is throughout his media appearances, and not once did Skeletor feel out of character in the movie - in fact, when he tells the captured Randor "I want your head" and blasts the head off the statue of Randor, that was peak Skeletor behavior: he's petty, ridiculous, and backs it up with power and villainy. Evil-Lyn herself was done well by Alison Brie, even though her own moments of ridiculousness were limited to a few moments. It makes sense, as someone has to be the more "mature" of the leader and second-in-command dynamic among the Evil Warriors (which is a role Evil-Lyn often fills out anyway.) Trap-Jaw was done superbly: he's one of those villains who's dangerous and enjoys hurting people, which came through not just with his initial curb stomp of Duncan, but how he acts throughout the rest of his appearances, from utterly disregarding Adam's "let's talk this out" to gunning down Roboto in the final battle. Sam C. Wilson acted the part stupendously.

Adam himself was done spectacularly, and I applaud Nicholas Galitzine for his performance. While the emphasis on his "understanding and empathy" at the end was a little too much, that is THE core of Adam's character: he's a nice guy who is pure-hearted and doesn't want to fight. Which is what makes him and his foil Skeletor so great: Skeletor is fixated on power, while Adam could care less for it until his hand is forced for a fight. It's Adam's greatest power, because despite the rocky beginning, his earnest kindness and sweet doggedness in their shared goal is what wins over the Heroic Warriors, inspires Duncan to realize the benefit of "we sometimes need to talk when we're in a funk", and even turns Adam's childhood bully Dian into a friend, alongside the others in prison. Furthermore, his awkwardness upon his return to Eternia makes a great deal of sense because he's been stuck on Earth and living a draining life, and not only does he finally get to go home, but he has to rapidly start getting the hang of how things work there. Anyone, man or woman, in his place would have the same kinds of struggles that he did until he got the hang of it.

I really wish we had gotten more of the Sorceress and Cringer, but the few scenes they had were still golden. The Sorceress was her usual mystical self, imparting knowledge to Adam and helping him get back on his feet without doing the leg work for him, and I commend Morena Baccarin for her acting in such a small role, because you don't forget her parts in the film. While Cringer's behavior was less scaredy cat and more house cat, it really worked for the film - especially since he still had those moments of "I really don't wanna. Can't I go back with the others?" while still being ready and willing to help his best friend Adam. Tom Wilton and Fletcher Glenn (young Cringer) knocked it out of the park with their limited screentime.

Second: the action and plot structure.

Before we get any further, to all those worried about the moments on Earth, worry not: we only spend 20-25 minutes on Earth, and they're treated with the exact kind of disdain, secondhand embarrassment, and general unpleasantness you'd expect from Adam being saddled on his mom's homeworld in the modern day. It also contrasts very well with how people are on Eternia: where the corporations and modern day of Earth are utterly draining and horrible experiences that Adam is tolerating while clearly wishing he could vanish from Earth, Eternia is the mirror image where the biggest problems are megalomaniac villains who have taken over the world and want to conquer the universe. It's a perfect contrast, especially since most of us relate to Adam's plight on Earth until he's brought home by Teela after he's rediscovered the Sword of Power.

The way Skeletor's attack on Eternos happened so fast does feel a little jarring, but it makes sense when you recall that this is Adam's memory of the events, and thus certain things are blurred together while others are forgotten. He was a child, and he did indeed experience something very traumatic; it's only natural that his mind would condense all these things. The fight scenes during the escape are excellent, well-choreographed, and worthy of awards in my opinion - especially any scene featuring Duncan, never mind the 1v1 he has with Trap-Jaw.

The plot of the movie is great and very well structured. It's streamlined without taking itself too seriously, which is exactly how a He-Man project should be. The villains' goals are clear-cut, even as Adam initially believes there's more to Skeletor than "just being a bad guy"; he thinks there's more, and when he gives Skeletor one last chance to acknowledge that there might be good in him in the final battle, Skeletor laughs and rejects it, telling him he's simply "a villain", and that it "feels good" to him. Adam at this point has not only learned that sometimes it really is that simple with bad guys, but also learned that his power isn't the strength and power he gets from the sword, but from his heart - his willingness and ability to be kind to anyone. As such, when Skeletor gives him his rebuttal, Adam is perfectly capable and willing to beat the snot out of Skeletor before destroying his Havoc Staff and, by extension, killing him.

Trap-Jaw's rematch with Duncan is not only well earned, but it is cathartic, especially for those of us who were disgusted by Trap-Jaw's triple betrayal of Stratos in the 2002 series. After destroying Roboto (sans her head), Duncan fully locks in and not only beats Trap-Jaw to within an inch of his life, but he rips of his jaw and plants a grenade into the remainder of his mouth before bailing out of the ship he'd been in, and the ship spirals down into the water, exploding seconds before impact (that was a heck of an explosive agent packed into the grenade.) The team-up sequence in the final battle was epic and beautiful, and not only did they deliver on the Heroic Warriors with their team-up, but Dian made such an impression with her gunslinger combat style and maturity that I want to see her brought back in future media. The girl was awesome, I must say, and I demand to see her again (full credit to the acting of her actress, Christiaan Bettridge.)

The fight in Snake Mountain earlier was very well done and on-brand for the comedic angles that are the staple of the franchise. My only gripes are that Tri-Klops, my favorite of the Evil Warriors, was somewhat nerfed and....still wielding a rifle in close quarters. Tri-Klops is supposed to be the physical equal of He-Man, and normally has a sword for a weapon. Given the emphasis there was on the differences between Skeletor and Adam already - Skeletor's obsession for power and cruelty, Adam's desire to not fight and unceasing kindness - I can let it slide on the grounds that Tri-Klops would have run the risk of interfering with the focus on our hero and villain. The rifle is somewhat unforgivable in my eyes, but I can also let that slide - especially if we get a future sword fight between him and Adam, and somehow in the skirmish they wind up with the other's sword, and with Adam's prompting during the pause, they switch weapons and go back to duking it out. No joke, if they utilize Tri-Klops later on (and maybe tease giving him a redemption arc fingers crossed) and in this manner, I will be so happy.

Teela vs Evil-Lyn was good, but not as good as plain old Cringer going mano-a-mano with Beast Man. Our great green tiger locked in and even used Beast Man's signature whip against him - it was sick to watch. My only complaint of the whole piece is that the Sorceress can apparently leave Grayskull at any time, even though, true to form, she did so in her falcon disguise; I'm also annoyed that she seemed to have abandoned Grayskull after Skeletor's takeover, and how Grayskull itself was nerfed by having a lack of other mysterious secrets within its walls. However, given that the Adora cameo in the post credits seems to have implied that the Sorceress went to track down Adora, undid her brainwashing, and gave her the Sword of Protection, I can let her "abandonment" of Castle Grayskull slide.

Mostly.

I loved Dolph Lundgren's appearance in the film, especially since his words of wisdom to Adam weren't just for the sake of a nostalgia cameo, but actually served to help Adam in his rallying of the prisoners in their breakout from Snake Mountain - and the humor in that prison break scene, as well as various other comical moments, were also on point for the zany antics of the He-Man franchise. Orko's cameo for "the moral of the story" was equally good, made all the better by how he appeared as he classically would: a wizard hat floating down before the rest of him drops out from underneath.

The movie is a 10/10, with top notch acting, excellent choreography, stunning special effects, and wonderful storytelling and imparting of morals, which itself is important since that's what He-Man is all about: guiding others on the straight and narrow path, and that if you "know how to use [the power]...[I] just prefer not to use it" is as important as the phrase that shaped Optimus Prime's characterization.

"Be strong enough to be gentle."

This movie is worth the watch in theaters, people. And if you think, just from this overview, that it sounds like 10/10, then let me tell you, if you're an absolute fanboy of this franchise, that not only will the subtle callbacks and homages make this film 12/10, but wait until you hear a version of the original Filmation intro/theme song play at the end as He-Man and Battle Cat race off to help an Avion village.

From personal experience I can tell you, that will send almost anyone into space with glee.