#mei's

“Yeah, we were getting real sick and tired of the lovey-dovey looks you’d give each other when you weren’t looking and all the moping! If you’d heard his sighs and seen him when Seokmin came in…” Seungkwan shakes his head.

“Whaddya mean?” you ask, but you don’t think you can meet his gaze. The foam heart Wonwoo made on the top of your drink is suddenly the most interesting thing in this party.

“Oh, all he could do was sigh about how you’d be better together. He was convinced Seokmin was gonna ask you out! And then he’d stare longingly at you at the counter like a sad lead in a movie!”

Biting your lip, you dare to lift your eyes from the cup in your hands to your “boyfriend.” He chats animatedly with your coworker Minghao, a small smile lingering on his face. You can imagine their conversation, maybe something about philosophy, given their similar majors, yet it’s hard to believe that this same man, the shy, sweet, blushy coworker would have the same feelings for you that you have for him.

You’d murmured under your breath, asking him if he’d pretend to be your boyfriend for the annual holiday party, where you’d all feast on the extra seasonal desserts that were leftover from the day now that the month was coming to a close. And you definitely didn’t want to hear about your lack of a partner from all your other coworkers. Soonyoung would always say he never understood, that you were such a catch and someone would love to date you if you would just accept. But you can’t bear to lead someone on when you know well that your heart is Wonwoo’s. 

“He…he did?” you manage to squeak out, immediately drowning your throat in chocolate after.

“Yeah, Soonyoung was gonna start intervening or something.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes playfully, shaking his head. “Good timing. We do not need more chaos. I think Jeonghan would lose his mind if he made some kinda commotion in front of the customers.”

“He was…he was seriously jealous of Seokmin?” you ask. “I thought everyone knew I was just tutoring him!” 

Seungkwan sighs, rubbing the crease between his brows. You guys are dating, right? How can you two be this oblivious? Doing his best to hold in a wince, he straightens up and takes another sip of coffee. 

“No, but thank god he came in. We couldn’t stand any more pining! We honestly thought you guys were gonna start dating a lot sooner.”

Yet, despite all of Seungkwan’s reassurances that your “boyfriend” loves you, is so head over heels for you, your heart sinks, the hot chocolate in your stomach swirling into a dark storm. This, all of this, isn’t real. Glancing at Wonwoo once more, you bite your lip. 

Part of you wonders if Seungkwan is just saying things, telling you how much Wonwoo has pined after you to pretend it’s always been this way, to make sense of how nonsensical it would be for you to date him. But, as if he can sense your gaze, Wonwoo turns his head, his warm smile and wave in your direction causing a lump in your throat to form. 

He makes his way over in slow motion, and you can do nothing as he casually slips an arm behind your back and murmurs an apology to Seungkwan for taking you as he ushers you to a quiet corner. “Everything okay?” he asks. 

“Y-yeah,” you exhale, a shaky breath meeting his skin. “Just nervous. What if they know?”

He chuckles, eyes darting around to find not a soul watching the two of you before he takes your hand and brings your knuckles to meet his lips. “They won’t. Trust me.”

“I do, but—”

He raises his brows. “I didn’t get an A in Shakespearean Plays for nothing,” he quips. 

With a heavy breath, you lift your gaze from the floor to his face. “Then…c-can I ask you something?”

You swear you see the faintest dusting of pink rising to his cheeks as he nods. “Okay…”

“You…you like me…” The words fall more as a statement than you intended, and you instantly step back. “I-I mean—”

“I do,” he murmurs, barely above a whisper that you wouldn’t have heard over the chatter if not for the fact that you’re just always so aware of him, his presence, his actions. His hands ghost over your arms, unsure of where you’re going with this, but his heart just pangs. You’re so close, right in front of him as he acts as your “boyfriend” in front of all your friends and coworkers. Can’t he just hold you and pretend a little more?

“How long?”

He sighs, his heart falling into the pit in his stomach. “A while…maybe since last summer.” He steps back. “I’m sorry if this all made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have agreed to—”

“Wonwoo?” 

Your voice draws his attention back to your face. 

“Did you know we’ve been under the mistletoe this whole time?”

He follows your gaze up to the top of the doorframe, the little green twig sitting innocently above you and causing a festive red to color his cheeks. “I’m so—”

But before he can finish his thoughts, you lean forward, pressing a quick peck to his lips. “Could you give me one more present this year?” you whisper, your breath floating easily towards him.

“Okay…”

“Would you go out with me? Go out on a real date with me?”

This time, he smiles, meeting you with a warm kiss, one way less fleeting than yours. It’s something he’d like to remember, to savor. 

As you reach a hand up to cup his cheek, your fingers almost recoil at the touch of his skin, something toastier than even a winter fireplace. With a small grin, you pull away, Wonwoo’s lips trailing after you for just a moment before he settles for wrapping you in a hug.

“W-wha—would that be okay?” He scratches the back of his neck, his eyes trained on the other self care products you have out on the counter. “I don’t wanna intrude…”

“You could never, Cheol,” you tease, coming over to push his shoulder lightly and hand him the lip exfoliator. 

He follows you back to the spot at the sink, staring at his reflection in front of him. With you now resuming your routine, he glances at you. How did you do it? Do you just—

He starts swiping it across his mouth, the sugar crystals stuck in the wax. Even if he’s not quite sure on what he’s supposed to be doing, he knows this doesn’t feel right. Squinting at the tube, he turns it around in his hands, trying to find some instructions.

But before he can come up empty handed and sigh, you take it from his fingers. Your hands land on his shoulders and spin him around to face you, his face wide eyed and a faint pink blush starting to color his cheeks.

“Y/n—”

“Uh uh uh,” you coo, gently pushing his jaw closed. “Pout for me?”

He does as you say before you start applying the scrub in the same way you’d done a couple minutes ago. With the sweet crumbs now sitting pretty on his lips and the soft cherry scent of the wax now wafting into his nose, he closes his eyes. Is this what you taste like? Is this what it would be like to kiss you? 

He darts his tongue out to taste the balm, instantly met with the saccharine flavor of artificial cherry. But, even though you still haven’t finished, he doesn’t think his mouth has ever felt this soft before. That knowledge certainly doesn’t help his fantasies about kissing you. 

“All done!” you exclaim, pulling away to admire your handiwork as his eyes spring open. “You can rinse off the sugar. Whaddya think?”

He turns on the faucet, running water under his fingers and rubbing it against his lips. 

“S-soft,” he murmurs. 

“Right! Isn’t it nice? I can’t believe I got this for like five dollars. Such a steal.”

But before you can return to the counter and finish your self care regimen, Seungcheol tugs on your hand, turning you to face him. Opening his mouth, he quickly closes it when surprise flashes behind your eyes.

“Oh I forgot!” You rummage through the cabinet before you pull out another balm product. “You can put this on after too.” Taking off the cap, you quickly run it on your lips and hold it out to him. “Just like that. Do you wanna try?”

However his lips are on yours before you can even blink, your body frozen from his warmth being so close to you. 

“It’s good,” he whispers, pulling away to rest his forehead against you all too soon.

So one paper craft turns to five, to ten, and soon enough, as the hours tick by, he probably has over a hundred. Before he knows it, he’s stuffing them into his bag, looking up to see your head lolling to the side, your body tilting so much he’s surprised you haven’t fallen over.

He chuckles softly, shuffling over to you and prying the laptop from your grasp.

“I-I’m almost…done…” your murmur, your eyes drooping more and more with every second that passes. 

“You can finish in the morning,” he coos. “You need rest.”

With your chest now rising and falling in slow breaths, Seonghwa pulls the blankets up to your chin, brushing the side of your face with his finger. “Sleep well,” he murmurs, smiling at the little quirk of your lips that appears at the sound of his voice. “Dream of me.”

You apparently have enough energy to lift your hand, only for it to fall back down in what he guesses is supposed to be a playful swat before sleep comes to you. With one last look at you as he turns off the lights, he sighs and pads to his room.

Tomorrow, tomorrow he will tell you.

You try to keep the drive as lighthearted as possible. With your shared car playlist blasting in the background and the two of you bobbing your heads along to the beat, you can almost pretend that today isn’t going to crush you. 

But as the minutes tick down and the traffic builds with your approach towards the airport, the weight on your chest grows and grows, your out-of-tune singing growing quieter and quieter. Ever knowing, Seonghwa reaches for one of your hands, prying your fingers from the wheel and into his grasp.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you croak, your voice finally breaking. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Seonghwa.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, baby,” he murmurs, squeezing your hand. 

His words don’t help the heaviness in your heart. You don’t even remember when he started calling you baby. He’d said it was because he was just so fond of you and wanted to take care of you whenever he began using that term of endearment. He’d given you the brightest smile and pinched your warming cheeks that day, and every day since, he has given you the biggest swarm of butterflies.

Maybe you’re dreaming, but it feels different than it used to. And that definitely makes your heart clench, wishing that it was. In another universe, another lifetime, another plane, Seonghwa loves you like that. But it’s not here.

Here, Seonghwa is simply your best friend, your beloved roommate. Perhaps he’ll find a lover abroad. And, even if it crushes you, you’ll still smile. Because, even more than you want him, you really want him to be happy, even if it’s not with you. 

His humming takes over, shuffle play bringing a slow song to the speakers, a soft love song, because of course your best friend is a sappy romantic at heart. While it provides some ease to your racing nerves, you’re still all too aware of how he plays with your fingers, tapping the rhythm against each tip. It’s as if he just knows you, your mind, so well, that he can make your knees weak and your brain jelly without as much as a second thought, without even knowing that he’s doing it to you. 

With the instruments finally coming to a quiet close, he pauses, turning to meet your profile and lowering your intertwined hands to his knee. “Can I ask you something?” he exhales.

“Anything, always.”

“It’s kind of selfish of me…” he whispers. 

“That’s okay.”

Biting his lip, he looks to the floor. “Could you…smile for me?”

You pause, the car simultaneously coming to a stop at the red light.

But he senses your hesitation as a soft no, one you don’t have the heart to say out right. “It’s okay,” he says, untangling your fingers and instead placing his hand over yours on his thigh. “It’s selfish, I know. You have every right to be sad. I just—” He sighs. “I’m not gonna be seeing the real thing for the next two months; I wanna remember your smile.” 

You forgot, if anything, your best friend is also cheesy as hell. A chuckle arises from your tight throat, causing a smile to bloom over your features. And it’s in that moment that a familiar quickened rhythm overtakes his heart. 

He grins, reaching his fingers up to brush your cheek. “There it is.”

And ease returns once more, your dramatic crooning returning. You can pretend. You can do it for him. You will yourself to do this one thing for him after all he’s done for you.

But it just can’t be contained when you make it to the parking lot and help take out his suitcases. 

“It’s okay,” you sniffle, brushing away streams of water that run down your face with a small smile. 

Despite that curve on your face, the heavy burden on your heart builds and builds as the moments tick down to when you and Seonghwa will be apart. You don’t think you can remember a time in your whole college career where you went so long without him. Every summer break or holiday recess, he’d be there, visiting you, teasing you about how lonely you were without him. And now, it’s too real. 

Taking you into his embrace, he rubs your back, leaning his head against you gently. “Baby, no,” he murmurs, a quiet shush to your tears. “It’s okay to be sad. If I could stay—”

“No,” you chuckle, shaking your head. Salty droplets continue to pour down your face, stinging your skin, but you pull back from Seonghwa, brushing his hair away from his face. “You’re gonna save the world or something,” you smile sadly. “I’ll be okay.”

Seonghwa wants to say that you’re the world to him, his world, but the words die on his tongue when he meets your glazed gaze that reflects the airport lights back to him. You just mean so much to him. What if he loses—

With one last squeeze, you finally detach yourself from your best friend, patting your cheeks with your sleeves and brushing off your jacket. If you don’t let go now, you don’t think you’ll be able to stop crying before he leaves. You might not be able to ever let him go. 

Exhaling, you force a smile on your face, past the swollen eyes and runny nose. “Now go make me proud, Park,” you tease. 

As he steps away, his luggage wheels squeaking against the tile as he pulls the handle, your lip begins to quiver once more. God, you just wanted to reassure him. He always worries so much about you, and here you are, holding him back when he has no choice but to go. And—

His movement pauses, before he turns around, blinking back at you.

“Seonghwa?” you call, taking steps towards him. “Did you forget something?”

“Hold on.”

He sinks to his knees, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and pulling out a glass jar.

“Hwa!?” you giggle. “You know you can’t bring that on the plane; What if it broke! You’re so silly, y’know. Good thing you remembered—”

Standing, he zips the bag shut once more and hands it to you wordlessly. Despite the words tumbling around in your brain, the butterflies swarming your stomach, you tell yourself that his pallor is from his nervousness about flying, his important internship for graduation. Seonghwa would never like you like that, right?

“Is…that for me?” you squeak, your voice unusually feeble. 

He nods, holding it out to you again. “Open them whenever you’re feeling sad, okay?”

“O-okay…” Taking the container in your hands, you dare to meet his gaze. “Thank you for thinking of me.”

“How could I ever not think of you, y/n?” he asks, his eyes round and soft as he quirks his head. He then forces his lips into a small smile, wrapping his arms around you for the briefest second before he pulls away. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

It’ll feel like a lifetime, an eternity, instead of the actual two months it’ll be. But you can’t keep him here when he has to go, when he can change the world for the better. So instead, you take your free hand to squeeze his. 

“You’re gonna kick butt.”

Pushing him off then waving until he’s out of view, you wait until you return to your car to bury your face in your hands. Are the hundreds of other people here saying goodbye too? 

Even though there are probably many other teary partings and weary friends and lovers, it all feels irrelevant. Do they understand each other like you and Seonghwa do? Do they love each other like you and Seonghwa do? Do they need each other as much as you need Seonghwa? 

So, despite being in his arms less than five minutes ago, you take the jar from the passenger seat, unscrewing the silver lid to pull out the first of many objects that fill the rounded glass. Every last centimeter of the container has been crammed with paper, origami envelopes with a heart to open them. You don’t even know how he had this much time to finish all these, especially while he was preparing for his internship and departure. 

Running a finger under your eye and flicking away the droplets that don’t seem to stop, you let a small breath into your lungs, courage to pluck out the paper laying right on top finally coming. 

You can’t help the small, amused huff that comes through after you open it.

A letter. Of course. 

Dear y/n, Are you sitting in the parking lot crying right now? We just said goodbye right? I know I’m teasing you as I write from the past, when our departure doesn’t weigh as heavily on my mind, but that also means it hurts less right now. I guarantee that when I’m in the middle of check in I’ll start bawling. Sure, we’ll be time zones apart, an ocean away, but, really, call me whenever you need, whenever you want. Don’t even worry about it. I want to hear about your day, what you’re up to, how classes are, what San and Wooyoung are up to, anything, everything.  And I’ll be back before you know it. I promise. I miss you so much already. Love, Seonghwa

Your phone dings just as you read his name, tracing your fingers over his elegant signature. Fishing the screen out of the cup holder, you’re met with a photo from Seonghwa.

“‘I told you so,’” you read aloud.

Admittedly you chuckle at his silly antics, even if it does set off a pang in your chest to see him so teary eyed. He’s going to change the world and pretty much complete the last big push of his graduation requirements. He shouldn’t be feeling that sad. Is it your fault? 

But before your thoughts can settle and take root in your mind, another notification pops on the screen with another text from Seonghwa.

“‘Thank you for smiling for me. Text me when you get home safely. I’ll be here for a few hours,’” you repeat. 

It takes everything to turn on the ignition and put the car in drive, but with a slow exhale and Seonghwa’s words covering the worries running around your mind, you manage to pull out of your parking spot and onto the road. These next weeks will be impossibly long.

Even though you already sort of knew it, you quickly remember that life without Seonghwa is so gray and dull. The sky even agrees with you, the days following his departure filled with overcast skies and rain. 

Every morning you wake up to a quiet apartment, no Seonghwa waiting at the island with breakfast for you, no Seonghwa to keep you company on the walk to class, and no Seonghwa to come home to, greeting you with the best hug you’ve ever had (Yes it gets better every day. You don’t know how but it does.) Of course your friends all begin taking on extra care for you in his absence, meeting you for lunch or bringing dinner by, studying with you more often, hanging out more frequently. And you appreciate it, you really do. You really do have fun and enjoy the time with them. But there’s nothing like having Seonghwa in the flesh by your side. 

And it hits one late night, the moon high above you, the only light in a starless sky. It hasn’t even been a week since you said goodbye. Slumping down on the oddly empty sofa, you sigh, your fingers itching for the phone a foot away. 

Your friends have already gone home from your weekly Friday night shenanigans, which means that you should be putting on a funny movie with Seonghwa to conclude the evening. His cuddles are probably the best way to finish up a tiring week, reinvigorating you with excitement and energy for the next days to come.

With the weight building on your chest, you let a soft breath leave your lips before you give in to the nagging in your heart. Sure, you talked with him this morning, but you’d really like to hear his voice now for a moment, at least. 

y/n [ 12:06 am ] : are you busy?

Of course he doesn’t respond. It’s right in the middle of the workday for him. He has other things to do. But you can’t pick yourself up off the couch. You don’t know exactly what you’re waiting for. Fingers tapping mindlessly against the fabric, it isn’t until a soft ding echoes around the room that you shift. 

seonghwa [ 12:08 am ] : in a meeting :( i’ll be done in 20 though

seonghwa [ 12:08 am ] : is smthn wrong?  

y/n [ 12:09 am ] : nothing…just miss you…

Yeah, you should really head to bed. He’ll be busy even when the meeting ends. Waiting here will only make you more miserable. 

Pushing yourself off the sofa, you shuffle to the bathroom, brushing your teeth until you hear the quiet buzzing once more. As you rinse your mouth out, you find your eyes in the mirror. 

Seonghwa wouldn’t want you to be this sad, would he? He always loved, loves still, your smile, always pinching your cheeks when you have a wide grin or a matching one of his own growing on his face when you’re particularly happy. 

seonghwa [ 12:11 am ] : sorry baby :( i miss you too i’ll call you tn

seonghwa [ 12:12 am ] : why don’t you open a letter for me?

y/n [ 12:12 am ] : okay

y/n [ 12:13 am ] : gonna head to bed after though so dw gl with your meeting

seonghwa [ 12:13 am ] : sleep well baby :)

Unscrewing the jar, you carry it into your room and leave the glass on the nightstand before pulling out a small blue envelope. From the crooked creases, you’re guessing it must’ve been one of his first projects, which causes a small smile to force its way to your face as you imagine him redoing the same folds over and over until they were clean enough for his standards with furrowed brows. As you scoot into bed, you rest your back against the pillows and unfold the paper.

Brushing the smooth surface with your fingers, you finally let out a small breath and find his words. 

Dear y/n, Are you tucked into bed? I hope you are. I hope you’re getting enough rest, taking plenty of breaks, and still enjoying life without me. Did Jongho take you out for lunch today? Did you hang out with Yunho and Mingi? You can tell me all about it later; I’m sure it’s late now and you’re tired. 

That’s right. You have a lunch date with Jongho tomorrow. And you did study with Yunho and Mingi at the boba place near campus, even if you quickly devolved into laughter and anything but studying. 

You do miss Seonghwa. You wish he was with you here instead of being on the other side of an ocean. You really do. But there’s so much fun to be had with all your friends.

With a reluctant smile, you continue reading.

When you finish this note, I want you to close your eyes. I might be far from you physically, but you are never far from my thoughts. I’ll be thinking of you every day. I already do.  When I see the sun rise, you’re watching the same sun set, just on the other side of the planet. Two sides of the same coin. I’m still with you, baby.  So close your eyes. Smile for me? I’m never far so don’t miss me too much :) I’ll be home soon.  Sleep well and dream of me ;) Seonghwa

There’s a teary smile on your face as you finish his words. Flicking a stray droplet from your cheek, you sigh. 

What are you ever going to do with that man?

With a playful shake of your head, you attempt to fold the paper back into the shape it was given to you in, but you can’t seem to find the right combination of creases to turn the flat page into a beautiful letter once more. You’ll have to ask Seonghwa how to do it when he comes home. But for now, you start the pile of finished notes on your desk, smoothing out the lines so the page will lie flat next to your stacks of books. 

Perhaps Seonghwa’s letter is exactly what you needed to hear, the heavy allure of sleep beginning to take its toll on your drooping eyes and a yawn escaping from your lips. Crawling back to bed, you close your eyes. It might be your imagination—you know it is—but it’s as if you can feel him sitting next to your drowsy figure, watching over you protectively. 

On nights like this one, he’d normally tuck you in tightly under the blanket before busying himself with his homework at your desk until you fell asleep. Tonight is far from that, but, even half asleep, you know he’s still taking care of you from a world away. This isn’t what you’re used to, but today is okay. Sleep comes quickly. 

Today sucks. Today is the worst day you can remember in the last year. So you failed your exam. And your project team is driving you up the wall. It seems every inconvenience that can go wrong does go wrong, leaving you exasperated as you drop your keys at the front door after a long day. 

Shuffling into your room, your fingers fish out from the jar, unfolding the delicate page a little rougher than you should. With a huff, you collapse on the bed, holding the letter above you.

Dear y/n, How’s your final project going? You’re supposed to be doing one of those for your design class this semester, right? I know you must be stressed around now. I hope you’re remembering to take it easy. You’re doing so much work; you gotta take care of yourself, baby. Take a break. Go on a walk. Get boba with Hongjoong (lord knows he needs a break too). Even if you think you need to finish everything right now, you need to put yourself first. Your health matters. You matter. And you don’t want to burn out before the semester ends, do you? If you can’t do it for those things, could you do it for me?  Because, most of all, I hope you remember to be gentle with yourself. I know this degree is important to you, but above everything, you are the most important. You’re the most precious star, baby.  I’m proud of you already. Don’t worry too much, yeah? Love, Seonghwa

You think that’s what does you in, little streams beginning to flow down the mountains and valleys of your cheeks. It’s not even the frustration from your day. How does Seonghwa—past, present and future—just know exactly what you need to hear when you need to hear it? What ever did you do to be blessed by having a friend like him?

Placing the letter on the neat stack you’ve amassed, you return to your bed, not wanting to smudge his ink with your tears. Sunset prickles through the window shades, sneaking under your closed lids as you try to rest. While the still quiet is nice, in your heart you know Seonghwa is right. It’d be good to hang out with someone. 

So you open your eyes, retracing your steps through the apartment to find your phone on the kitchen counter. 

y/n [ 5:36 pm ] : do you wanna get boba maybe? 

hongjoong [ 5:37 pm ] : ofc???

 hongjoong [ 5:37 pm ] : ill come by we can walk together? 

Laughing with Hongjoong, you can feel every ounce of irritation that’d built up in you the whole day being replaced by the second. It’s almost a little annoying how well Seonghwa knows every corner of your mind. 

y/n [ 4:26 pm ] : SEONGHWA SEONGHWA

y/n [ 4:26 pm ] : SEONGHWA I GOT THE JOB

Checking the time, you let out a small sigh. He’s probably asleep. You know he’ll see your messages when he wakes up in the morning, but it’s not quite the same as celebrating with him in real time, still off the high of the email in your inbox.

It’s become a habit now, finding that glass jar whenever you wish he was with you instead. Yet again, you crawl on the bed, wrangling a piece of paper out from the container. The one you pull up is a little fancier than the ones you’ve picked previously, a pristine white page with small bunny and confetti stickers. It makes you pause, squinting at the folded envelope.

There’s no way Seonghwa would know, right?

Dear y/n, Congratulations! Maybe you guessed from the celebratory stickers I put on, but I wrote this one for a special occasion. I hope you’ll tell me all about it when we have a chance to talk again, but I hope this will suffice in the time being. Regardless, I want you to know that I’m so proud of you.  Even if you opened this on a different kind of day, I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of who you are and all you’ve accomplished any day of the week. My best friend is so kind and sweet but also smart and a badass.  But I just know that you’ll read this one on a good kind of day. So congratulations! I know, whatever it may be, that you deserve it. You are so capable, baby.  You’ll still tell me about it when you’re rich and successful though right? ;) Love, Seonghwa

Oh, curse him. He genuinely baffles you. What kind of guy can predict the future like that? (He knew. He always has faith in you.) And what kind of coincidence must there be for you to open the exact note today? 

And it just reaffirms the little thought in your mind that there is nobody in the world quite like Seonghwa. You don’t think there’ll be anyone as wonderful and gentle and caring as him. But to top it all off, he just understands you through and through. 

While you just clicked all those years ago, he also listened. He never stopped. He simply tries his best with you, and will never let you go so easily. He still does. What’s between you is more than an initial spark. 

It still burns. You’re more than content to keep fanning the gentle flame that keeps you both cozy. And Seonghwa and his warmth are the best company to sit around that fire with. It will always burn bright. 

Of course when he reads your messages in the morning, he celebrates and cheers with you, almost as loud as you know he would be if he was actually here.

You grow less dependent on Seonghwa’s little notes as time goes by. You’ll still take them out sometimes when you miss him particularly badly or for fun, but definitely less than the first weeks. Your texts and video chats are still as frequent as before, though. If you had to go two months without seeing his smile you aren’t sure what you’d both do. 

This weekend you find yourself at the farmer’s market with San and Wooyoung. As the former goes around trying to get free samples and the latter actually looks for groceries, you wander off to the lake. 

Families and pets are scattered along the shore, enjoying the spring breeze through the bright sky. Summer will come soon, an inkling of humidity sticking in the wind that blows past the shining sun.

The last time you came here was two years ago with Seonghwa. Another opportunity never really came up to return, but San and Wooyoung insisted you come today and you wanted to visit again anyway, agreeing to tag along. And next year, you’ll all graduate, making your way into the real world. It’s a little hard to believe. 

 But this is the kind of memory you’d like to savor, to revisit. 

Stepping out of the shade of the treeline, you let your eyes find a little family of ducklings. The babies tail behind their mother, and, almost as if they can sense your gaze, they turn and let out small quacks. With a chuckle, you give a small wave before they all head on their way once more, your heart growing in your chest at their flapping, splashing wings.

“Y/n!” San calls. 

“We got donuts. Do you want one?” Wooyoung asks. 

Turning to them you smile. “Sure. Just gimme a moment.”

This is the kind of thing Seonghwa would coo at, a simple, adorable moment. You’d probably be able to convince him to come here with you when he comes back with the promise of free samples alone. Everything else would just be another cherry on top.

Regardless, you want a picture, just for yourself, your own personal scrapbook in your mind. The animals, the weather, the scenery, it’s all a little too picturesque to not immortalize. 

But before you can even unlock the screen, your eyes find the date.

Your best friend is coming back in a week. 

You made it. 

While you certainly can survive without Seonghwa, there’s something about having him in the flesh that adds an extra sparkle and brightness to life. And he’ll be back before you know it. You survived months. You can make it another week. 

Snapping the photo, you hurry over to your friends and gladly take the glazed donut hole that Wooyoung hands you. Nothing has ever tasted so sweet. 

The night before Seonghwa’s return, the glass jar catches your eye. A lone page sits on the bottom, all its brethren now stacked neatly on your desk under a paperweight. 

Drying your face, you smile. What the hell. You might as well open it. 

Crawling into bed, you take the letter. Everything is as it should be. Seonghwa is on his plane home, back to you. You finished the semester with the best grades of your whole college career. You just had a fun night out with your seven other crazy friends. 

Unfolding the creases, a path you’ve memorized and can now do without a second thought, you swallow upon seeing the paragraphs in front of you.

You already know this is going to be different. 

With a shaky breath, you begin.

Dear y/n,  I hope things have been going according to plan and this is the last letter you open before I come home. I’ll be back soon and, even if I haven’t left yet as I write this, I know the first thing I’ll want to do when I land is fall into your arms and hold you until you complain about needing to pee or something. I already know I will miss you terribly. And maybe, my hope in writing this, in our distance, is to protect my fragile heart.  I know I’m being cowardly in not telling you this in person, but if you find you don’t see me in the way I see you, that’s okay. I will love you as a friend all the same and you can burn this letter and pretend the last 10 minutes never happened. But I love you. I love you in every way I have been taught to love and then some. I have fallen so deeply for you that a simple, ordinary life with you would be more meaningful and happy than any alternative, a timeline in which every other dream I have could come true. My heart is yours, has been shaped and nurtured and protected by you; I don’t think I know what it would be like if I’d never met you. Every day I wake up and see you in our kitchen before going to class, and I can’t help but feel lucky to know you. Yet, despite that, I can’t promise that I will be everything you need in a person, in the world. But I promise that I will try to protect your beautiful heart, your bright-eyed wonder, until you are so sure of them that nothing will shake you. And even then, I will still be in your corner, a shoulder to lean on. Just say the word.  I can't wait to come home.  Yours always,  Seonghwa

By the end, you can’t stop the waterfall of salty droplets falling from your face. You clutch the letter to your racing heart, trying to take a slow breath to calm all the nerves in your body that have been lit. 

Seonghwa…your Seonghwa…he loves you…

You always knew he loved you. You know he does now. 

It’s just…he loves you in one more way. 

You don’t think twice as you bring the page with you to your desk, already pulling out your own page and finding a pen. After all the letters he’s written you, you think it’s only fair that you write one back to him. Even if you can’t stop the few tears that soak your paper of your single note, you hope it’ll be enough to match the time and attention he put into his hundred.

Your little airport pickup sign has Seonghwa’s name in large, black sharpie on the front, but as you hold it up, the back of it is what causes a lump to form in your throat. The triangular paper flap that has since been taped down can change everything now. When Seonghwa opens it, nothing will be the same, and you won’t be able to go back. 

But you know it’ll all be for the better. 

Rocking on your heels, you scan the exit tunnel area once more. He’d texted you that he’d made it through customs a while ago, so it could be any minute now. But your impatience takes over, and you pull out your phone to check for new messages. 

With your foot tapping at the tile, you don’t even notice the footsteps towards you until their owner is wrapping his arms around you.

“Y/n,” he sighs, his breath falling to your skin. 

While you jolt at the surprise, you quickly relax into his familiar warmth, letting small pools form in the corners of your eyes. It doesn’t surprise you either when you feel similar drops landing on your shirt. 

“I missed you,” you cry. 

“I missed you too.”

He rocks you back and forth, the two of you eventually sinking to the ground to simply hold each other. Nothing can get in the way of you finally being together with him once more. 

“How was your internship?”

“Good, they gave me a glowing review to my advisor.” He snuggles his head further against you. “How’ve you been?”

“You say that like I haven’t spoken to you every day,” you chuckle, flicking away the wetness on your cheeks with your hands before they quickly return to their spot on his back. 

“I wanna hear about everything,” he says. “Even if you repeat it ten times over. I’m always gonna wanna hear what you have to say, y/n.”

Blinking, you find it in yourself to pull away, still in his arms, just at a further distance so you can meet his eyes. “There’s…there’s actually one thing I didn’t tell you.”

He swallows. Did you start seeing someone? You would’ve told him, right? Or maybe…you read his letter…and you thought telling him in person would soften the blow. “W-what is it?”

You hand him the envelope silently, staring at his smooth hands as he opens it and pulls out the piece of paper tucked neatly inside. It’s so simple, yet it holds your whole heart on it. 

He glances at you before his eyes find the words once more and he begins. 

Dear Seonghwa, It’s silly. You spent so much time writing me notes and letters, filling pages with heartfelt words that you just knew I needed to hear somehow always when I needed them most. You never ran out of the most perfect words. And yet, I can’t even figure out what to say in my first one. I don’t know if I can ever truly explain or understand how much I love you. You deserve to know, though, so I’ll try my best, but I can only hope that this is enough.  Your last letter to me was different in a few ways, no? If I’m reading things right, it was a confession, right? It was primarily for your feelings rather than mine.  And, most of all, it was everything I wanted to hear and then some.  The stars would be so proud to know they created you. I’m so honored that you feel I have shaped your wonderful heart in the way that I have, but I want you to know that you, your heart, yourself, you are stunning just as you are.   I don’t really know what I’m saying here but I hope you will always be happy. And I’d love it if I could be that person to make you happy. I love you. I think I always have. It just grew and grew, and I hope it doesn’t stop. Because, Park Seonghwa, you’re the one I love most.  Your partner in everything (and hopefully one more way), y/n

You’ve stopped staring for a long while, just listening to the hustle around the little bubble you’ve made on the floor. You don’t think you have the heart to see his face as he reads everything you poured into that letter. 

“Y/n,” he murmurs. 

You hum, still refusing to meet his eyes.

“Could you look at me?”

When you don’t budge, he lifts his fingers to your chin. Giving you a moment to look at him on your own, he turns your head from the ground.

“Have I told you…how much I love you?”

Finding his round orbs, you swallow. Of course his eyes always sparkle like that, but you don’t think you’ve ever seen them so bright. The soft blanket of his steady gaze is trained on you, a warm fondness and affection that causes your stomach to swoop. You’d never be able to describe how stunning his eyes are. Not even the most talented painter creating their finest masterpiece could match their beauty. And…it’s all for you…?

“Was it okay?” you squeak.

He smiles, brushing your cheek. “More than okay.” Tucking you into him, he rests his lips on your head. “It was perfect. You will always be more than enough.”

In the middle of your bubble, you give him a squeeze, resting your weight against him. He’s really here, with you, in your arms. And…

“Does that mean…you’re mine?”

He tests the waters, pressing a kiss to your temple. “And you’re mine, baby.”

“I like that.”

Grinning, he begins rubbing long strokes down your back. “I like that too, angel.”

But as you spot some of the other strangers you’d been waiting with begin to shuffle towards the exit with their friends and family, you try to stand, only to be met with the resistance of Seonghwa’s grip.

“Be good, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong says before squinting and teasing, “If you do anything to my dear y/nnie I will haunt your dreams,” but you know there’s some truth to the statement.

While the two of you laugh, you hear the tension in the back of his throat. But you trust Hongjoong, and so you trust Seonghwa enough. Even if it doesn’t work out romantically, at least you’ll get to know a mutual friend a little more. Your roommate slash best friend would never set you up with a creep, let alone be best friends with one. It’s a little strange how you haven’t gotten many opportunities to meet your best friend’s other closest friend, but sometimes that’s how the cards fall. At least you have this opportunity.

“Okay, now you can have fun,” he says, ushering the two of you out the door and shutting it with a firm click.

Now alone with Seonghwa, you bite your lip, glancing to his face. “So…did you have any plans?”

He blinks before the memory comes back to him. “Oh, yeah! If it’s not weird…I had something planned at my apartment. I’ve been meaning to try this cake sampler that I got from the bakery and—wait this does sound weird. I’m so—”

His ramblings cause a few chuckles to rise from your throat. “Don’t worry about it. I trust Joong, and I trust you enough. Besides, I quite like sweets,” you say, nudging him with your elbow. 

His features begin to relax and a small grin takes over instead. “Do you wanna walk? It’s not too far.”

With a firm nod, the two of you start down the street, the crisp fall air meeting your faces. 

“How long have you known Joong?” you ask, keeping your eyes trained on the buildings in front of you. “He’s always mentioned stories with you but I don’t really know much about you,” you admit, forcing your lips into a small curl.

But at your words, a fond smile finds its way to his features. “We’ve been friends since middle school,” he sighs, his eyes in the sky as he reminisces on those old, simple times. “Then we went to the same college and stayed together after that.”

“So you must have a lot of blackmail on him, huh?” you tease, which causes him to laugh.

“You could say that,” he chuckles with a faint grin. “But I’m sure you have more if you live with him.” 

As you round the corner, you fall into a mellow silence, nothing but the chatter of other pedestrians and the rustling of leaves in the wind meeting your ears. Yet, you aren’t rushing to fill it with more words and laughter. It’s nice, something so natural and comfortable. Whether it’s the very small history you share or just the two of you, you aren’t sure, but it’s almost a sweet melody to fall into.   

Turning to look at his face, you admire his profile. His skin is soft, as are his eyes, and within them, you find a sea of brightness, of stars speckling the deep ocean at night. It’s not even the lighting giving him the little flecks in his gaze. He’s just…stunning like that. Or maybe…it’s because he’s with—no, no way…right? Or maybe—

“This is me,” he suddenly says, bursting your bubbled reverie with a point in the direction of a brick building. 

You stand to the side as he unlocks the door before taking you to the end of the tiled hallway and letting you into his own apartment. The scent of something fruity lingers in the air as you take off your shoes and place them at the end of his neat row. Taking your time, you let your eyes wander to and fro around his space. Lived in, it’s well lived in, homey and sweet. 

He’s already made his way to the living area, sliding open a glass door to a small porch and backyard with a box in his hands. Still holding the handle, he turns and tilts his head.

“You coming?” he asks.

Suddenly your manners come back to you instead of leaving you ogling at how clean his place is. It’s not like there’s no character or decoration, but rather everything is purposefully placed in its location. A blanket rests on the armrest of the sofa. Above it, you spot the hexagonal shelves filled with little pictures and memorabilia. A plant or two sits on the windowsill, long arms of leaves reaching well below the overhang, and a few books are stacked on the coffee table. 

“Oh! Yeah!” you exclaim, taking wide steps toward him.

A small metal table sits on the platform, overlooking a little lawn enclosed by tall wooden fences. Meanwhile he places the box on the table before stepping on the crunchy grass and surveying the small yard with his hands behind his back. 

Autumn has well made itself known, warm to burnt shades of red, yellow and orange decorating the ground. The trees are mostly bare, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful with the bright blue sky and soft puffballs that blow past above. And judging by how Seonghwa seems enamored with the peaceful scene, you imagine he quite likes it too. 

“Do you spend a lot of time out here?” you call out.

Turning around to face you, he nods. “It’s nice to come out and destress.” But when he opens his mouth to speak once more, he lowers his head and bites his lip. “If I had time I would make it more lively but—”

He chooses to finish his thoughts with a shrug and a sad smile before he comes back and pulls out a chair at the table. “I love what I do, of course, but there are still things that are just wishes.”

“Oh, what do you do?” you ask, sitting down and pulling your coat tighter over your body.

He tilts his head as he takes the chair opposite to you. “Hongjoong didn’t tell you?”

“No, just that you’re usually busy,” you chuckle.

His lips quirk to the side as he opens the smooth, white box and hands you a fork. “That’s one way to say it, I guess,” he laughs. “I’m a pediatrician at KQ Hospital.”

There’s an amused grin when, after a few moments, he glances back up from splitting the miniature cakes to your face to see your slack jaw as you stare at this man.

You love Hongjoong, you really, really, do. But you can’t believe that this beautiful, nice doctor man is best friends with him. 

“It’s rude to stare, y’know,” he quips.

Oh, that makes more sense.

You promptly shut your mouth and take one of the halves he cut, shoving a bite of who knows what in.

As soon as the flavors melt on your tongue not more than a moment later, you immediately forget about your date’s shitheadedness. A mixture of sweet and tart dances in your mouth, a kick of lemon zest and raspberry hitting the roof, while vanilla sponge and frosting meet the bottom and melt down, creating a pool of rich flavor.

Swallowing, you let your lips fall open with a sigh as you pick another forkful and sit back. Yes, it’s delicious, but it’s just so good that you want to savor the bit you have left first.

As you let your thoughts wander, your eyes fall on Seonghwa, and you promptly shut your mouth once more, realizing you must be drooling over how good this dessert is. Sitting up straight again, you clear your throat and put the utensil in your mouth.

“I take it that piece is good,” he laughs after he finishes swallowing his own bite of another half. “Judging by how dazed you look.”

“So good,” you mumble, unable to put words to the taste. 

He nods. “I’ll try it after I finish this one,” he hums, pointing his fork down at the small, pink circle that’s been bitten into. 

You gaze at the layers of vanilla cake sandwiching strawberries surrounded as you glance down at what he’s decided to eat first. But then your mind wanders back to his words.

“Do I really look that in love with a fucking piece of cake?” you groan, hiding your face in your hands.

You don’t dare to peek at him, but chuckles meet your ears. “It’s cute,” he replies, dropping his laughter a second later. “I mean, I know I probably look like that too with this piece.” He pauses before continuing and mumbling, “But you definitely look cuter than me doing it.”

Once more, your mouth falls open, but this time it’s because…what the hell do you say in response to that? After a few minutes of quiet chewing, you finish the lemon cake and take the other half of the piece Seonghwa had been eating first, the strawberry shortcake. 

Digging your fork into the soft layers, you look up at the clearing of a throat.

“I..I’m sorry if that was too much,” he murmurs. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Oh!” you exclaim, dropping your utensil and shaking your hands in the air. “No, no no. It was very sweet.” Lowering your gaze from your outburst, you bite your lip. “I’ve…actually—oh this is embarrassing.” 

He smiles a little at that, trying to conceal the way his heart hammers in his chest. What are you going to say next? He hasn’t the faintest clue, but he’d like to think that—

“I’ve actually kind of…liked you for…a while,” you say, finishing with a cough because lord knows you cannot handle telling him straight out.

“Oh really?” he asks, his tone lifting with each syllable. 

Nodding, you hide your eyes. “Since Yunho’s birthday party.”

He hums, urging you to continue, which makes you sigh.

“Do I have to?” you whine, but you resume your thoughts nonetheless. “You were just so…put together, I guess. And even then, you were still the sweet and silly guy everyone talked about.” You let out a sheepish chuckle. “I guess ever since then you’ve caught my eye, even if we didn’t speak much.”

Shoveling the forgotten piece of cake into your mouth, you slouch down. Your eyes are trained on the slice in front of you, refusing to meet his own. This is horribly embarrassing. Never have you so blatantly admitted such a feeling. In the silence, the blood rushing past your ears is all you can hear. Did you just ruin the date? Maybe it was too early for confessions and—

“You know,” Seonghwa begins, sitting up straighter, “I think I’ve had my eye on you for longer than that.”

“Huh?” you blurt out, your head shooting up.

“Yeah,” he laughs. “Hongjoong always spoke so highly of you. I wanted to see if what he said was true.” He lowers his eyes to his own dessert before biting his lip with a small smile. “I’d say it’s pretty true so far. And the way everyone would light up when they saw you?”

“So that’s why that idiot has been pestering me for ages!” you gasp, causing Seonghwa to chuckle and his cheeks to burn a little brighter.

But his words come back to you and your blood takes a turn for your face. He really…has liked you for that long? With a breath, you finally dare to look into his orbs. God, nothing would prepare you for the sight.

There’s a gentle warmth surrounding him, his gaze, and it’s fixed on you. On you? When the realization dawns on him that you’ve made eye contact, he tilts his head, an invisible force pushing his lips into a soft curve. 

“Hi there,” he quips. 

It’s hard to believe he can be so calm, even flirty and confident, when you remember the things Hongjoong had insinuated about your date when he was still a mystery. Tilting your head, you try to imagine it. 

Your favorite little story your roommate had told you was when his secret friend had plopped down on his couch, his head back and his fingers gently stroking his cheek as he recalled the little get together you’d just been at together. 

Apparently you’d thumbed his cheek, gently helping to clean off the last of the pie that’d been thrown and unfortunately, or fortunately now that you think about it, landed on his face. Alone in the kitchen together, he couldn’t help but feel special, even if this kind of incident was a little too common in the group and you’d done this for just about every one of the unhinged guys. Maybe you lingered a little longer, held him a little softer and a little more carefully. He’d like to think that. 

Could that really have been Seonghwa? The same one in front of you? The endearingly cocky and silly doctor in front of you is the same lovestruck guy who thought about you so often and whose heart raced around you?  

“Y/n?” he asks, his pitch increasing a little as your reverie continues.

Coming back to your senses, you bite your lip. Meeting his eyes slowly, you finally put the pieces together. His gaze is warm, deep and sweet like brown sugar or honey, as he stares back at you. A soft smile finds its way to his plush lips when the realization that you’re now looking at him dawns on him once more. 

When you give a shy wave, he grins a little more. 

“How’s the cake?”

“So good,” you sigh, letting your head fall back. “You’ll have to tell me where you got them.”

Reaching across the table, he squeezes your hand, but teases you anyway. “Secret. I need to convince you to go on a second date with me somehow, right?”

His flirtatiousness causes you to hide your face once more, not wanting him to see how you’re closing your eyes and biting down furiously on your lip to not grin. Placing your head in your hands, you try your best to tell yourself that you’re fine. Everything is fine. 

“Even if you decide that you’d rather stay friends, I’m glad we could get to know each other more,” he murmurs, glancing down at his plate. “I didn’t mean to make you—”

“That’s not what I meant!” you exclaim, shooting your head up from your palms. Realizing how loud you’ve become, you bring your fingers to your forehead, which causes Seonghwa’s lips to quirk. “I-I’d love that, actually.”

Letting his swirl of relief take over, he smiles widely, a small breath falling from them. “It’s a date.”

As another yawn overtakes your speech, Seonghwa chuckles, squeezing your hand. “How about we sit down somewhere?” he suggests.

Letting him lead you to a bench, the two of you fall into a sweet silence, just listening to the rustle of wind, the chitter chatter of conversations from passersby. He’s left a respectable distance between you, yet his hand still remains in yours as his warmth makes its way to you through the winter air.

“Long week?” he asks.

With long, busy days at work for the both of you, you and Seonghwa haven’t gone out in a while. Even though you do love the stay-at-home, lowkey dates you’ve been having, it’s also nice to get out every now and then. But you suppose that the high-demand life you’ve been living for a bit is catching up to you.

You hum in response, scooching closer to him as you admire the lights hung up around town. “But I wanna stay out with you for a little longer.”

“Are you sure? I can take you home if you-–”

A kiss to the cheek quiets his concerns, the warmth rushing to his face also floating towards you. Then quiet returns once more and you return to watching the world go by around you. And yet, despite the people rushing to and fro, maybe a reminder that everything goes on and everyone is their own main character, when you look to your side, to the laced fingers against the wooden bench, it all feels irrelevant. This, this right here, this is the world.

Almost as if he can sense the thoughts in your head, he turns to face you cupping your cheek and tilting your chin towards him. 

With the twinkle in his eyes, perhaps from a mischief or maybe the light’s reflection or their natural shine, or maybe even all three, he meets your gaze. Pink dusts his cheeks but they burn, leaving you wondering if it’s from the chill or his flusteredness. 

But before you can ask, he softly brings his lips to yours in a simple peck. He pulls away all too quickly, leaving yours to chase his for another moment of the sweetness of his mouth on yours. And there’s that sparkle again, brighter than any star in the sky or the full moon or the snowflake lights all around you to celebrate the season. There’s that bashful smile twirling with his quirked mouth blending giddiness and flirtatiousness that’s just so absolutely Seonghwa.

However you just know he’s being a tease, and you can’t take that anymore, not right now. So you take the lapel of his jacket in your hands and pull him closer to you, meeting his lips with yours. That surely wipes the smirk off his face. 

“Y’know,” you mumble as you pull away, “I was never really fond of winter?”

“Oh?” he asks, following behind you as you stand. 

You hum. “It’s just so cold.”

When you don’t hear from him for a moment, you turn to see if he’s still following you, but he sneaks up behind you anyway, stealing your hand and tucking it into his pocket.

“True. But the memories are warm, no? The memories, the people, the experiences, just like this.”

“I suppose…yes.”

His lips quirk up. “So maybe I’ll just have to keep you warm every winter then, hm?” 

Curse Seonghwa for always knowing and having the kinds of words that make your heart flutter and race in an instant. You lower your head to eye the ground, the flusteredness you experience around him something that still makes you shy.

And maybe that’s a good thing. Because you don’t think you would be able to stand watching him take pretty pictures of you, of your intertwined hands on this windy night, all with the most fond, lovestruck smile on his face, with the warmest, softest eyes in the world. As he captures the sparkling lights reflecting around you, the gentlest sprinkle of snow falling on your shoulders, the soft grin you sport, his hand that still hasn’t let go of yours, the moon above, he can’t help but think that he’s just…happy. He’s so warm, it might as well be summer. 

The thing Seonghwa likes most about your room is how it’s just so…you. Your personality and energy come out tenfold with the little trinkets and the colors and the decorations. It’s so cozy, so sweet, so comforting.

And here he is, laying in your bed and waiting for you to come out of the shower. It doesn’t feel quite real. 

Being together for a few months, the butterflies of an aging crush but a new love are floating around in his stomach. He scrolls on his phone, trying to pass the minutes, but they still feel slow. He can’t stop his foot from twitching, the energy having nowhere else to go.

But the moment the door clicks and you reveal yourself, he tosses the device aside, his head shooting up to see your face. 

He somehow looks even cuter like this, no fancy clothes. It’s just him, his fluffy hair, his bare face, his softest pajamas. A fond smile starts to overtake your features as you try to commit this moment to memory.

“Sorry if I took a while,” you hum, walking through your room to get on the other side of the bed. 

“N-no, it was fine,” he murmurs in return.

You lift the blanket and crawl in, but its warmth is nothing compared to the body of the man next to you. Resting your head on his chest, you wrap your arms around his middle and settle in. Something tells you that this might be the best night of sleep you’ll get. 

He presses a kiss to the top of your head before tangling his legs with yours and pulling you closer, snuggling further into your sheets and causing you to giggle. 

“Wow, getting so bold on your first night staying over here, huh?”

His pulse picks up under your ear, filling your head with the quickened pace of his heart. It’s already nice enough to hear it, but to hear how it beats for you, how he reacts to your simple words and touches? Maybe you both haven’t verbalized it yet, but he loves you. He loves you so much. 

He grumbles something before you place a hand on his chest, pushing yourself up to kiss his jaw to sedate him. However, after you place your lips on his skin, you cup his cheeks, turning his face to clearly look at yours, and blossoms of pink and rose bloom all over. If the heat wasn’t embarrassing enough, the knowing glint in your eye does it, causing a sheepish smile to force its way past his efforts and his gaze to glance down at your embroidered blanket. 

“Hey,” you murmur. “Nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

Flicking his chest with your fingers, you force him to look at you. But rather than meet your eyes, he settles his gaze on your lips. Good enough.  

“I love you.”

Childish giggles fill the air, bubbling the room with a simple, unadulterated joy and excitement. It’s that of a baby seeing their doting parents, a dog when you return from work, a man simply in love with you.

You’re about to scoff at him when he brings his lips close to yours, his breath brushing your skin as he nuzzles his nose with yours to repeat the words to you. “I love you.”

And now it’s your turn to squeal, immediately burying your face in the nearest pillow, which causes your boyfriend to laugh. 

“Really?” he teases.

“You’re just so–”

He huffs. “Why don’t you cuddle me properly instead?”

 Well, how can you resist?

So you pull your head off the cushion, resting it on his shoulder and settling your hands around his warm shirt. 

The heat of your skin, especially on your cheeks, seeps through his pajamas, leaving you both flustered, it seems. In silence, he rubs long, slow strokes down your back until he feels the gentle rhythm of your chest rising and falling become a leisured wave. 

Then he presses his lips to the top of your head, reaching for his phone. You’d both forgotten to close the blinds before climbing into bed, leaving moonlight to shine through the window and on your skin, illuminating the side of your face that’s squished against his body. 

So he swipes to the camera, snapping a quick picture that shows the content quirk of your lips and the bottom half of his face. Even while you’re unconscious, Seonghwa makes you happy.

He makes a mental note to print the picture out later before he slips the device back on the nightstand and returns his hands to hold you. Knowing you’re happy, that makes him happy. Despite the storm in his stomach, there’s always an ease to being with you, and sleep comes easily to him today. 

It’s too early to say if you’re the one, for sure, but Seonghwa can’t say he won’t be surprised if you are. 

Your giggles are music to his ears as you both walk back under the starry sky to your apartment. It’s been a while since you all hung out with your group of friends and you’d forgotten how funny and weird (affectionately) they could be.

“I hope your birthday was still good, even if Wooyoung made the whole restaurant sing happy birthday and called you old.”

Seonghwa chuckles. “It was wonderful.” He then leans in close, his breath fanning your ear, mumbling, “I dare say it was the best,” before he kisses your cheek and resumes walking.

Despite mastering composure at his sudden bouts of flirtiness, you still feel the hammering of your heart at what he insinuates; it’s because of you. 

“I hope…you’re always happy,” you whisper.

He smiles, squeezing your hand. He figures if he’s with you, he’ll always be happy in life. 

However any verbal response he had brewing is quickly quieted as you scamper off, bouncing at a fence gate. “I didn’t know there was a playground here!” you exclaim, unclicking the latch and letting yourself in. 

It’s small, but a slide and a set of swings still sit in the grass, along with a tiny sand pit, all illuminated by the few streetlamps littering the sidewalk. 

Seonghwa watches as you find the swingset, sitting yourself down and gently pushing yourself into the air. There’s a freeness to your movement, a simple, unadulterated grin that laces your face as you soar up and up.

With a smile, he joins you on the next swing, slowly picking up pace. But when he comes into view, you blink, suddenly remembering yourself.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to take away from you,” you sputter, your voice floating away into the night. 

But his smile simply grows wider. “Don’t worry about it, baby. You didn’t. And I’m more than happy to be here.”

With a breath of relief, you let a few moments of warm silence pass despite the chill of early spring in the air. 

“I just love the park,” you finally whisper. 

“I love the park too,” he quips, although you aren’t sure if he’s just saying that because he loves you, ergo he loves what you love, or because he actually does. 

But you can see how the park is just so…Seonghwa. It’s a happy kind of place, a place of nice, fond memories, where kids come to play, dogs come to run around, and adults come on peaceful walks. If you had to describe him in a single word, it’d be warm. 

You sigh thinking about it. Life with him is just so…comfortable, so content. You could cry if you think about it for too long. But today isn’t about you, nor do you want to cry tonight. So you come flying off the swing in an elegant arc, meeting his gaze with a raised brow. 

“Race you home!” you challenge, taking off in the direction of your apartment. 

And despite your efforts and your head start, he still overtakes you. Perhaps being on his feet all day and taking care of rambunctious kids has given him plenty of stamina. Nevertheless, he waits for you to catch up by the entrance to the building, watching as your chest heaves up and down from all the running with that annoyingly cute quirk of his lips.

“What the hell, Park Seonghwa,” you gasp. 

“You’re the one who wanted a race, no?” he retorts with an obnoxious(ly endearing) tilt of his head. 

Rolling your eyes, you unlock the door and flick on the lights. Seonghwa steps in behind you, slipping off his shoes then heading to the kitchen to get a drink. But, watching him almost in slow motion, you gasp, realization rushing to your head.

“No, wait!” 

He turns around and lifts his brows, backing away from the fridge as you come barreling in and stand in front of it with your arms out. 

“Can you sit down?” you ask. “Just gimme a moment?”

Somehow his eyes go even wider but he obliges and takes a seat at the small dinner table, watching you intently. Sensing his gaze, you shut the lights off, rummaging around the refrigerator and the cabinets, looking for everything you need in the dark. 

And then when you come out with a beautiful cake and a few lit candles burning on top, Seonghwa shakes his head, although you both know from the smile lacing his lips that he’s just…he feels so full.

“Baby,” he murmurs, standing and walking slowly towards you. He helps you hold the cake up before leaning over it and meeting your lips. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

“I wanted to, just something for the two of us, hm?”

He beams. 

Bringing a peck to his lips, you slowly pull away, whispering, “I know you like some things all to yourself.”

That he does. 

So he blows out the candles, insisting that you cut the cake. As you plate a slice to share, he dips his finger in the vanilla buttercream before poking it with his tongue. 

“How is it?” you ask, your eyes low as you begin to pack the extras back in the original box.  

“Hm, it’s good,” he hums. Seeing your gaze still trained on the finicky container, he smirks. “I think it would be sweeter if–” 

Instead of hearing the rest of his sentence, you’re met with the smallest dab of soft sugar on your cheek and a peck from the Park Seonghwa.

“Huh!?” you sputter. 

“I was right,” he teases. “Much better.”

With a playful roll of your eyes, you find his lips, the residue of cake lingering on your own. “I suppose it is better this way,” you exhale, refusing to pull away and causing your breath to float towards him. 

“I’m always right, aren’t I?”

You sigh, swatting his arm teasingly before heading to the kitchen. 

When you return from putting the box in the fridge, Seonghwa is in the middle of chewing, a small bite still on his fork. He looks up from his seat when you enter, following your gaze as you move to sit across from him.

“Thank you,” he whispers, “for tonight, for everything.”

And then, of course, he smears another bit of frosting on your lips, sealing it with just another photo and, as always, a kiss. 

Your face is buried in your phone as you pound out texts to your annoying coworker. You’ve been working overtime all week and you’d requested the afternoon off long ago, so there is no reason why he should be on your neck right now. 

Your feet lead you through the halls of the hospital, not even having to think about it to know where Seonghwa will be. Your attention is preoccupied, but you don’t have to pay any attention, almost as if it’s become a second nature, finding him. And sure enough, there he is in the pediatric wing. Although, he notices you before you can do the same to him.

“Hold on tight!” he exclaims to the young girl on his back before he ducks down and makes zooming noises as the two of them approach you.

He comes to an abrupt stop in front of you, pausing to wait for you to realize something—or someone—is in your way, and when you notice his shoes under the view of your phone, you shoot your head up, the crease in your forehead smoothening and your lips curving into a smile when you meet his face. 

“Tough day?” he asks.

“You have no idea,” you sigh before you catch a glimpse of the child he’s piggybacking. “Hey there,” you coo.

“This is Maisie,” he says, patting her hand. “Maisie, this is y/n.”

Her eyes widen at his statement. “Y/n! Dr. Park has a crush on you,” she giggles.

Letting your eyes flicker to Seonghwa, you grin at the light dusting of pink beginning to coat his cheeks, the cute child clinging to his coat, the little bear plush on the end of his stethoscope. “Oh really?” you ask, letting your pitch go higher to seem surprised.

She nods confidently. “He told me himself!” 

“Come on,” Seonghwa whines, shaking his head in fake annoyance. “That was a secret!” he whispers into her ear, but loud enough for you to hear.

She simply squeals when he starts tickling her, chasing her a few feet down the hall while pretending to be a monster to tease her before hoisting her back up on his back.

The three of you then begin walking back to Maisie’s room, and you happily indulge in her babblings about the hospital and especially Dr. Park. Hearing her gush about how he’s the “bestest doctor ever” causes even more color to rush to his face and the smile on yours to grow even bigger.  

But when you arrive and he puts her down at her door, already preparing goodbyes so he can finish up his work and get out of here for your date, it simply hasn’t been enough time. Her eyes instantly glaze over, her lip quivering before she starts to sniffle and hold her arms up to him.

“You’re leaving?” she whimpers. “But we just started playing.”

Kneeling down to her level, he rubs her head affectionately. “I have to finish working, Maisie. We can play tomorrow; how’s that sound?”

“But—”

“How about I play with you until Dr. Park is done?’ you pipe up, which seems to placate the patient, excitement returning to her gaze.

“Really!?” she exclaims, taking your hand and dragging you towards the bed. 

When you look back, Seonghwa’s eyes are soft, a little smile lacing his lips, but he still mouths, “Are you sure?” to which you give a firm nod. 

“Don’t worry about it,” you whisper back before turning to the girl again. 

“I’ll come back when I’m done to say goodbye, okay?” Seonghwa asks her.

She looks at him and blinks before turning back to you, not paying him any mind before pulling out a puzzle you recognize from the gift shop. Dumping it out on the table, she quickly starts sorting the pieces based on the cat picture on the box, like she’s done this plenty of times before. 

“You can start the outside,” she says, not looking up from her task. “I’ll do the brown cat first.”

You give a nod and begin gathering the edge pieces. “Do you like cats, Maisie?”

With a shrug, she looks up, her eyes growing wondrous and bright. “They’re okay. I like dogs. I have one named Cheese!”

“Oh really?” You give her a smile.

“Yeah. But Dr. Park got me this,” she says, returning to her task already.

“So, how long have you been here?” you ask, taking a pile of pieces and moving them in front of you.  

She lifts her head for a moment, her eyes on the ceiling. “Maybe thwee months.”

Giving a solemn bounce of your head, you click two puzzle pieces together. 

But despite the gravity of your question, she pauses and looks to you with wide eyes, a sparkle of realization floating within them when she asks quickly, “Are you Dr. Park’s favorite?”

“Me!?” you exclaim, pointing at yourself in surprise as your mouth falls open.

She bobs her head and frowns. “Dr. Park said I’m not his favorite. But he has a crush on you; it has to be you!” 

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” you chuckle sheepishly, ducking your head and trying to focus your attention on the pieces in front of you.

“It’s true!”

With a bite of your lip, you fall into a lull of conversation as she gets into doing the puzzle, her attention all on the many cats in front of you. And soon enough, the bits start to come together, forming a picture of a few kittens cuddled up together, plus a few holes from where you haven’t quite finished yet.

But the shadow lurking in the door’s window is what catches your eye, and you bite back a smile as you imagine how it must be Seonghwa trying to figure out how to steal you away. Turning your head back to the table, your gaze falls upon Maisie’s bleary, blinking eyes, trying to fight off sleep.

“How about we leave this here for next time?” you ask, rubbing her head. “I think you should get some rest, hm?”

Despite rubbing her eyes, she shakes her head. “I’m o—”

Instead of finishing her words, a yawn overtakes her, and you help her out of the chair, guiding her into the tall bed and pulling the blanket up to her chin. Just as you’re about to step away, the grip on your finger tightens, even if it’s just the slightest, so you turn back to face her, squeezing her hand. 

“You’ll come back, right, y/n?” she murmurs.

Nodding, you ruffle her hair and smile. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

With that, she falls into a peaceful slumber, and you tiptoe out, of course finding her favorite Dr. Park standing outside, his mouth in a small circle as he blinks back at you.

“Shall we?” you ask, tilting your head at him.

He gives a firm nod, coming back to his senses and offering out his arm for you to take. When he wraps it around your back, he presses you into his side with a fond smile.

“You’re amazing, you know,” he sighs.

“Me?” you gasp, shaking your head. “You do this every day, Seonghwa.” 

He hums, allowing for a moment of silence before he kisses your temple. That is true. However, even though he always loved kids and taking care of them, learning to comfort and watch out for them in some of the most difficult and painful moments in their lives thus far was something he had to learn, then practice and hone until this moment. And you…you just seem to get it. He’s known deep down all along, but it’s so apparent now; there’s just something so warm, so honest and pure about you, how you love. You love and care with your whole heart and your whole being. Anyone who comes across you just can’t help themselves from being fond of you. 

He smiles, shaking his head from his reverie. “I love you,” he says. 

Squeezing his hand in a sleepy response, you allow yourself to relax into his hold as he leads you to the lobby, the pediatric wing being one of the farthest from the parking lot. 

The longer you walk, the more your eyes begin to lower and settle, the toll of the long work day hitting you. As your weight begins to rest more and more on Seonghwa’s side, he smiles fondly, rubbing your arm with his hand. This is something he will never get tired of. 

“I hope…this’ll still be us in 10 years,” he whispers. “In 20, in 30, in forever.”

Maybe he’s making things up but he swears he feels you nuzzle your head against him at that and he can’t help but grin.

As his colleagues greet him, making quick pauses to say hello before they return to rushing around the building, he can’t help but feel his chest swell with pride. This amazing person clinging to his side, you’re his. And he’s forever yours. 

And judging by the twinkles in the older doctors’ eyes, they know it. They see it. It’s a relationship of a lifetime. 

Seonghwa sighs as you reach the lobby atrium. He’s so…he feels so warm. Sure, not everything is exactly perfect in his life—and nothing ever is; that’s just how it is—but he couldn’t care less when he has you by his side. It’s worth it if it’s you. 

He rubs your arm, trying to carefully coax you from your slumber as you pass the fish tank, knowing you always pass it with a brightness in your gaze when you visit. There’s a small quirk to his lips as you lift your head and rub your bleary eyes.

“Hm?” you mumble. “Did I fall asleep?”

He chuckles softly, “Yeah, babe.” He then places his hands on your shoulders, gently turning you around to face the large cylinder that reaches from the floor to the ceiling. “Did you wanna see the fish?”

Gasping, you lean in to kiss his cheek before taking a step towards the glass. “Oh, they’re so cute,” you coo, watching their mouths open and close with a simple joy.

Seonghwa smiles, slipping his hands into his pockets to pull out his phone. Your eyes are so wide, so sparkly as you gaze at the small creatures. Of course he has to take a picture.   

“Going home, Dr. Park?” a voice calls to him.

Your boyfriend turns around, smiling as he greets his old friend. “Gonna get dinner and then head back,” he hums. “You?”

Jongho shakes his head. “Stuck on call tonight.”

Without noticing the other doctor from your view, you come up to Seonghwa, looping your arm through his. “Can we– oh, hi!”

“This is Jongho,” Seonghwa says. “Jongho, y/n, my–”

“Oh you’re y/n!” the former gasps. “Y’know, Seonghwa, all he does is gush about–”

“Hey!” he whines, dusty pink immediately flooding his cheeks, but you simply giggle, kissing his cheek.

“You do, huh?” you tease, squeezing his wrist just a little bit more.

Your boyfriend lets out a sigh, holding tighter on to your arm. “Well…”

Rolling his eyes, Jongho takes a step back, knowing his friend’s antics. “Anyway I don’t wanna keep you guys here. Enjoy dinner.” He then glances at the giant tank you were admiring a few moments earlier. “Unless you guys want a picture?”

“Yes please!” you exclaim, dragging Seonghwa backwards to the fish once more before he can even take a breath (not that he would refuse anyway).

So your boyfriend places his hand around you and you return with a side hug as Jongho moves into place.

However as he starts to count down, Seonghwa takes your hand, spinning you to face each other.

“Three.”

“What’re you–”

“Two.”

He places his lips on yours, a small smirk against your mouth as he pulls you closer, leaving you with wide eyes.

“One.”

Seonghwa makes a mental note to send the pictures you took of the two of you in your fancy clothes before and during dinner to himself as he puts the dishes in the dishwasher. Even though it was just a simple date at home, he finds that these are his favorite times with you. Neither of you need to be somewhere expensive to have fun. Rather, the ordinary, peaceful moments with just each other, where you can tease him for not knowing how to put on a tie or where you can simply admire him in the kitchen, are your favorites. 

Since you’ve finished cleaning up the table, you come into the room and wrap your arms around him from behind, now clad in a plain t-shirt and shorts. 

“Hm?” he hums. “What’s up, angel?”

“Nothin’,” you murmur into his back. “Just…love you.”

He smiles. “I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

As the last utensil goes into the basket, you place a slow kiss on his neck and he grasps the hands laced in front of his waist. He leads you out to the living room and you follow in silence, still attached to his back, knowing that anywhere he goes is somewhere you’re more than happy to go to too. 

Silence now fills the room as he lights a candle on the shelf and pushes his coffee table to the side, nothing but the distant chatter of pedestrians and traffic just beyond the walls reaching your ears. With a warmth of vanilla beginning to meet your nostrils, you bury your nose into his shirt, letting his cologne swim in your mind.

But then his pant leg brushes against your calf, and you’re reminded of how casually you’re dressed now that you’ve changed out of the clothes you came in. So, as he makes his way to his phone on the couch, you reach your hands up from his middle to ruffle his hair then let loose the top couple buttons on his shirt before returning your hands to his waist. 

“What’s that about?” he teases.

“Mm, nothing,” you murmur. 

He turns in your hold, pressing the screen of his phone a few times, a few clicks coming before he taps it again and a gentle melody waltzes into the room. His phone is tossed aside in favor of holding you, his hands coming under your arms and finding their place on your back. 

Moving gently, he rocks you back and forth and presses sweet kisses to your head to the rhythm. 

This is it. It hits Seonghwa like a truck. Nothing will be better than this, not unless you’re by his side. This…this is what he wants and will want for a lifetime, for forever.

He can see it all with you, celebrating every milestone, every anniversary both old and new, helping each other through the tough times, moving in with you, putting a ring on your finger, growing old together. What does a future without you in it even look like? 

A breath falls from his lips. Wow…

Maybe you can read his mind. You glance towards his eyes, your own boring into his with a deepness richer than the ocean or the most expensive treasure. Then you bring your lips to his, never leaving for more than a couple seconds to breathe and his chasing each time you go.  Minutes pass, maybe hours, just you two in each other’s arms, swaying to your own beat. This is it.

And when you both grow too tired to stand, the soft tunes still humming along in the background, you collapse on the couch, his arms bringing you as close to his chest as possible before he nuzzles his nose against your neck. Even if Seonghwa’s bed is much larger and comfier than his living room sofa, peaceful slumber comes to you both. 

The last thing you see before you close your eyes for the evening is the bright stars shining through the windows, above the roofs and the trees. The world is so, so big. How lucky are you to be here, to have found him? 

You press a kiss to his temple, then tumble into the endless pool of love you share.

“Can you tell me a story?” you sigh, rolling around in his grasp and placing a hand on Seonghwa’ chest.

“Sure…you must be stressed, huh? You usually fall asleep quickly with me.”

“All I can think about is my report,” you frown.

He thinks for a moment, stroking your cheek. “What kinda story?”

Trying to come up with ideas, you resettle in his hold, thinking of what you need to hear most right now. “Can you tell me how you fell in love with me?”

His lips quirk. “Of course.”

As he ponders for a moment, his chest rises and falls in a slow rhythm, that of a late night wave rumbling against the sand, and you let yourself fall into it, the endless ocean of loving Seonghwa. He rubs his hand over the one of yours that rests near his heart, kissing your fingers.

“Well,” he starts, suddenly shy, heat coming off his face, “You know—you know about…what Hongjoong said. He’d always gush about how you were the sweetest, kindest person he knew.” 

He pauses, brushing your cheek with his thumb before stroking your back. 

“He’s right, y’know” he adds, a murmur under his breath. “And whenever I saw you…you just…made everyone laugh and smile like it was the first time again. And of course you’re so stunning, so I kinda…I kinda admired you from afar, friends but barely, only mutual. I guess we were really acquaintances.

“A-and then…Hongjoong asked me if he could set me up with someone.” He grins a little as he recalls the day he received that text, his eyes fluttering closed fondly like the world’s most beautiful butterfly wings on a peaceful day against a soft flower. “I figured it’d been a while since I dated, so I agreed.”

You giggle softly into his chest, his low, soft voice meeting your ears, a fireplace kind of warmth on a cold night and lulling you into a relaxed state of mind. 

“And you’re so fun and cute to be around: it was only natural. And everything Hongjoong said was true and thensome, and feeling all the happiness and laughter you give other people…for me…that…I…I just feel so warm, so full, with you. So myself, so loved.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I was slowly falling in love with you, and then it…it just hit me all at once. That I couldn’t imagine a future without you, that I just felt so…happy…with you, that you made everything better, that you make everything better. I am so happy with you.”

You twitch in his hold, rolling over slightly so he can see your lazy, lowered eyes and soft smile. While your breaths have become slower and deeper, he knows you can still hear him, just teetering on the edge of sleep. 

“And I’m so proud of you. You’re gonna kill it at your presentation tomorrow.”

With that, you give in, cuddling close and absorbing his warmth under the covers to find a restful night. Listening to the beat of your heart over him, he sighs. After a soft click of the camera, he puts his phone back on the nightstand. You’re just the cutest, how can he resist?

“I love you,” he mumbles once more. “I…don’t even know…what a future without you would be, y’know. I want it all with you, and I’ll give you…I’ll give you my everything.”

Then he slips into the same peaceful slumber, knowing nothing about what’s to come, except that it’ll all be fine, since you’re here, cozied up on top of him. Even in sleep, you cling to him, and he to you.

Seonghwa runs a hand through his hair before he buries his face in his palms. Why did he say those things? Sitting alone in his—your—apartment, in the shivering silence, he sighs. He might just be the biggest idiot on the planet. 

He pushes a hand through his hair once more then holds his fingers to his forehead as he tries to recall your fight. 

You’re right. All he’s been doing the whole week has been squabbling with you, arguing with you about things you’ve just been trying to work on, for the both of you. 

Every time you excitedly ran up to him as he came home, planted a kiss on his cheek, and then started rattling off possible ideas for your new apartment together (an idea he’d brought up in the first place), he responded with a quick “No” or “Later” or some variant, then padded off to the bedroom. All you wanted was to take a burden off his shoulders, to take a little more charge of decorating your new shared home while he was a bit more occupied than usual with work. And yet, he just brushed you off. All because he was too stressed and bothered to deal with it, with you. You aren’t a bother; Seonghwa doesn’t even know when he started or why he’s talking like that. Would you even want to move in with him after this?

Shaking his head, he lets his eyes wander to the window, a quick winter dusk falling upon the landscape. Are you okay? You haven’t come back in—he checks the clock—almost an hour, and immediately the dread and worry flood over his stomach. The churning acid turns to a storm in his belly, threatening to rise and blow over. Where on earth could you be? 

He rushes out, grabbing the first jacket on the hook near the entrance before standing in the street and turning his head to and fro. Taking another deep breath, he begins to pace and runs through where you could’ve gone. Maybe Hongjoong’s? 

But when he checks his phone and doesn’t see a single message from him, he knows that’s not it. If Hongjoong knew what he’d done to you, he would be giving his best friend the biggest ass whooping and lecture of a lifetime.

Maybe you went to your favorite cafe, the one a few blocks over, to pick up a small treat. He heads in that direction, no other leads to go off of, wind biting at his cheeks.

And yet, when he passes the small playground on the way there, he realizes he’s even bigger of a dumbass. 

He opens the gate slowly, trying to minimize the squealing of the metal, before he shoves his hands in his pockets and makes his way to the swings. Surely enough, there you are, gently rocking back and forth on the small set, your feet dragging in the ground.

“Mind if I join?” he murmurs.

Glancing up, you find his eyes, a color as dark as the sky in this crescent moon night.

“Sure,” you mumble, bringing your gaze back to your shoes.

He takes the swing next to you and starts to gently pump his legs alongside you. “I’m sorry.” Allowing for a moment of silence, he continues. “You have every right to be mad. I’m an ass.”

His words cause you to snicker. Hearing the kids’ favorite doctor let out such profanities is a little amusing, you have to admit, even if your heart feels so heavy in this moment. “That’s one way to put it.”

“All you wanted was to help, to make things easier. And I wasn’t responding at all. I made things worse, huh?”

He’s met with a slow nod. 

“I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. I…I’m gonna be better. I promise, and I’m sorry.”

Finally you lift your gaze from the ground, meeting his. The puffiness surrounding your orbs causes a lump to form in his throat.

“We can’t really go back. But can you do something for me?”

He blinks. Then it all happens at once.

“Yes!” He jumps off the swing and stands in front of you, getting to his knees. “Anything! I-I’m gonna be better. A-and if you don’t wanna…move in with me right now, I get it. I’ll–”

You’re falling into his arms, resting your head against his warmth and letting small streams flow down your face. “Of course I wanna live with you, you idiot,” you chuckle despite the tears falling from your cheeks. 

And he’s stroking your back as his own salty droplets begin to meet your skin. “We’re gonna make this work, I promise.”

“Just…talk to me, talk to me, Hwa.”

Kissing your temple, he lets himself sink into your embrace. “I know, angel. I should’ve just talked to you…way before today.”

A beat passes before you test the waters, slowly sliding your hand into his. Of course, he greets it with a hearty squeeze.

“How about we go to that cafe, and you can tell me about all the places you found and your ideas?” he asks. 

“Only if you’re paying,” you quip.

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else, angel.”

And so you begin telling him about all of the cute little houses you’d found and saved online, about all the dreamy living rooms you could imagine lounging in with him, all the gorgeous kitchens you could see the two of you cooking together in. He takes it all in, already picturing a life together, a place where you can grow even more, side by side. 

The only thing to take him from the peaceful bubble you’ve created is you pulling your phone from your pocket, watching as you take a picture of your intertwined, swinging hands.

“Hm?”

Blinking at him, you smile a little. “I wanna remember it all,” you murmur. “The good…the bad. The good is self explanatory, but the bad, we grow from it, no?”

He nods. 

“I wanna remember everything with you.”

His heart squeezes, and he can’t help but pull you into an embrace right in the middle of the sidewalk.

In the end, it was a cute, quaint place in a quiet neighborhood around the same distance from your office and the hospital that you settled on. With the light that always streamed through into the kitchen and the beautiful bay window in the living room opposite a large fireplace, how could you say no? Not to mention there was a spacious backyard, perfect for the two of you to start a little plant family. There was just plenty of room for you and Seonghwa, enough for you to grow yet not too much where it would be lonely or overwhelming. 

Speaking of your boyfriend, he comes inside with an unceremonious plop, bringing the last box from the moving truck. 

“Lunch break?” you ask, handing him a glass of water.

He nods, taking the cup and letting the liquid slide down his throat. 

“We probably have some noodles somewhere or something,” you wonder aloud as you turn and rifle through the containers littering the ground, looking for some utensils and pots. When you finish finding everything you need, you leave Seonghwa in the entryway, his chest still heaving as he wipes the droplets from his chin. Who knew moving would be this much work? Regardless, it makes no difference to him; it’ll be worth it.  

With his breath at last under control, he makes his way to you, placing the empty glass in the sink and wrapping his arms around you. A kiss finds its way under your ear as he watches you turn on the stove.

“I was thinking we could do the kitchen and bedroom today,” you say, melting at his touch. “Then work on the living room and other stuff. Maybe we can start the garden stuff when it’s warmer in a few weeks or so.”

“That sounds good, angel.” 

And silence falls upon you as you eat lunch, as you continue unpacking into the evening. Even then, you don’t need words to communicate with Seonghwa. A simple sigh will call him over to help you move a particularly heavy box up the stairs. A quick glance will tell you where he wants a plant or decoration to be put, and vice versa. 

By the time sunset falls, the bedroom is all set up, the bathroom stocked and the kitchen essentials all put away. You let yourself fall into the bed, your body sinking into the fluff as the exhaustion of the day hits you. Yet, there’s a large grin on your face as you stare at your lovely boyfriend standing in the doorway. 

It’s all real, huh?

Seonghwa chuckles, stealing a picture that he hides under the pretense of playing music, before he settles in next to you. Pressing a kiss to your cheek, he props his head up against his fist and admires you. 

“What? Do I have something on my face?” you ask, noticing his eyes on you. 

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Then why are you—”

“Can’t I admire my favorite person in the world?” he asks. 

Lowering your gaze, you let your smile grow, if that was even possible. But, a moment of silence later, his stomach gurgles, causing you to chuckle instead.

 “How about take out for dinner?” he asks.

“Only if you get those dumplings and egg tarts,” you quip.

“Done and done.”

Rolling the shopping cart to a stop in front of the cereal aisle, you turn and bring your fingers to your chin as you examine the options. With a hum, you take a box of oat cereal and turn to Seonghwa, his arms on either side of you to keep you between him and the metal handle.

“You think this is good?” you ask, turning the package in your hands as you check the ingredients and try to imagine its taste.

“How about…” He reaches for the same type of cereal, but a version with dried fruit. “This one?”

Chuckling, you take the box and place it in the cart, rolling away from his grasp and towards the dairy section. 

“Hey!” he exclaims, running after you with a pout. “You’re really gonna leave your beloved boyfriend alone in the grocery store?” 

Luckily a quick peck seems to placate him before you go about the shopping and Seonghwa…he’s somewhere getting stuff you definitely do need. Rolling your eyes as you pull out the seemingly endless bags of sweets and snacks, you ultimately give in to his puppy eyes.

“Maybe you shouldn’t leave your boyfriend alone in the grocery store,” he teasingly sing-songs in your ear during checkout.

“You’re ridiculous, Hwa,” you sigh, shaking your head as you try to hide the smile lacing your lips. 

Your efforts, however, clearly are for nothing when his mouth brushes the rim of your ear to mumble, “you love it,” before returning to packing the groceries.

“Never mind, you’re the worst.”

He pouts. “Hey!”

Getting deja vu as you roll the cart into the parking lot, he clings to your arm once more as you usher him towards the car. He does let go to help you put the bags in the trunk, but once you start pushing the shopping cart back towards the store, he’s back, holding on to your waist.

“I love you,” he whispers against your back. 

With a chuckle, you reach for his hand and press a kiss to his fingers. “I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

The second the cart clinks with the others and is out of your grasp, Seonghwa moves his arms to wrap around yours, waddling you both back to the car.

“Is everything okay, Hwa?” you ask. 

He definitely does like PDA, but this seems like a new level. Had you missed something? Perhaps something at work? Or…oh no was it an anniversary? Maybe that employee was actually flirting and he was jealous (okay maybe that’s it, just the littlest bit)?

“Yeah,” he hums. “Why’d you ask?”

“Mm, you’re extra touchy today. There’s nothing wrong with that—I mean, I’m happy if you are, and I love it—but I just…wanna know if you’re good, y’know?”

He nods against you. “I guess…I just, I feel a little extra lucky today.”

A nice quiet comes through as words get blown into the wind. With a sigh, you admire the sky as the puffy clouds float past, revealing a shy sunset, a dance of pinks and purples, warm yellows and oranges mixing above, causing halos to appear over the white puffballs. 

Maybe he’s right. Maybe today is just a lucky day. 

That’s especially true since Seonghwa doesn’t notice you pull out your phone to snap a picture until you turn the camera to face you both, his face buried against you.

“Cheese!” you exclaim, but he glances up a moment too late. 

Chuckling, you open the photo, seeing his surprised yet steady, warm gaze still looking at you as if you brightened the whole world, like you were the most beautiful star in the sky, the most important masterpiece in the world despite all the beauty behind you both.

“Hey! Lemme see!” he exclaims.

“No, it’s mine!” you squeal, shoving your phone in your pocket and breaking free to dash towards the car. 

He shakes his head, a fond smile on his face as he lets you run ahead. You may win this time, but he’ll definitely be getting that selfie later.

You know it isn’t an ordinary Saturday afternoon when Seonghwa jumps at the sound of the front door opening. With raised brows, you eye him for a moment before taking off your coat. 

“Just gimme 10 minutes then we can head out?” you ask.

“Sounds good,” he hums, but you sense the tension in his throat. “I, uh, was actually thinking we could…stay here?”

Nodding, you try to shake off his uneasiness, guessing it must be from work. Maybe there’d been a particularly tough case earlier in the week. Or maybe he hadn’t slept well? But you immediately know the latter idea is far from the truth with the way he refused to let you go when you woke up earlier. 

Regardless, when you come back downstairs and he hands you a bouquet of sweet lavenders and blooming sunflowers with the brightest smile in the universe, you put your worries to rest. 

He’d been extra jumpy about today’s date, usually sprinkling in teasing hints throughout the days prior about something new he wanted to try or a recipe he had in mind for dinner. But there was absolutely nothing for today. Even when you’d get curious and ask, he’d pretend to zip his mouth shut, throwing away the key like he was in elementary school again. Maybe it was a habit he’d picked up from the kids, a thought that makes you grin when you imagine them teaching him.

Nonetheless, he leads you out to the backyard with his hand over yours, the blooms of mid-Spring meeting your nose and a bright blue sky above that speckles with the start of sunset. With the warmer weather, your little garden has sprouted once more, a reminder of all the time and love you’ve grown and built with the love of your life. And the table and chairs set up await on the patio, perfectly for a peaceful date night that’s almost reminiscent of your first date with Seonghwa. 

You can’t help but admire the little lights you put up last summer along the fence either. Everything just came together so well. It’s a little hard to believe it’s all yours. Even your boyfriend notices them, glancing up from where his hands are intertwined in front of your waist as the two of you admire the handiwork you’ve put into this space together.

But after a moment, Seonghwa tugs on your arm. When you glance at him with raised brows, he simply smiles, leading you back to the table a few steps away and inviting you to sit down. A wide array of dishes from snacks and dinner foods to dessert all lay in front of you, leaving you to wonder when and how he got this all set up. But when you tilt your head in his direction, he just grins, kissing your fingers, your cheeks, your temples.

Business goes on as usual, like this is a normal date or night-in together, hearing about the kids’ silly antics, what his family is up to, what you’ve been working on at the office. You almost forget your suspicions from earlier. There’s certainly been fancier and more expensive surprises, but nights like these always remind you that is definitely your favorite kind.

And when dinner has long been finished, you manage to convince him to slip into the grass with you before cleaning up. The soft blades meet your skin as you cuddle into Seonghwa’s side with a sigh. 

It’s funny. On the most beautiful night you think you’ve ever seen, dusk having well made itself known by now, you still can see how Seonghwa looks at you like the most precious thing in the universe, the most sparkling figure in his sky. And in Seonghwa’s eyes, you see the world, and the stars, and all that is beautiful, too. In your hands, you hold his heart. Tonight is just more proof of that. 

When you let out a soft exhale, your gaze high in the sky and distracted by the twinkling above, Seonghwa figures this is it. He pulls out the small booklet from the picnic basket, an old album you two had gotten on vacation somewhere a while back. 

Turning back to face him, your eyes land on the object in his hands. The picture in the cover is one you vividly remember, and you glance to his eyes, tears beginning to line your eyes.

“I…I’ve been collecting this to give to you,” he murmurs, flipping open the book and turning to the first page. 

You let out a small squeak as you gaze at your younger selves. Your first date, the two of you wide eyed and unknowing in your old apartment with Hongjoong, is followed by memories of your first kiss, his first night over, his first birthday with you, moving in. You don’t even remember some of the specific details of these moments. They’re just a random date night at his old place, an obscure night over, the aftermath of a fight, maybe a day when you were meeting him after work, the most ordinary day and occasion shopping at the grocery store. To onlookers, they’re so uneventful, but they’re everything to you both. In such moments, you turn to realize the little flower of love you’ve both been growing has bloomed a little more. It’s not so little anymore. It’s become a whole garden.

Each and every time, without fail, you don’t fail to see the love in your gazes. And if you aren’t in the frame, you don’t fail to see the tender sincerity in the shot, the natural honesty and fond affection in the photographer’s lens. It’s so apparent, so easy. Everything is with Seonghwa, especially loving him. The work it takes to love each other, it’s always going to be worth it. 

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close despite the jackhammer going off where his heart should be. “I-I don’t really know…know where to begin,” he chuckles before clearing his throat. “I’m just so…in awe of you, how much joy you bring everyone, how much light you bring me.

“My whole heart, my whole being, is in love with you, loves you. They’re yours. Maybe you knew already, but if you didn’t, I want you to know; I’m yours. 

“It’s you, and it’ll always be you, the one I love.”

“Seonghwa,” you murmur, a tear threatening to fall as you clutch a little tighter to him before he continues.

“I know I’m a little clumsy, and I can’t promise that I will ever not be, but I promise that I’ll hold and love you as if you’re the most precious thing in the universe, because you are. And, maybe, even with that, despite that, would you marry me? W-would you make me even happier than I am now?”

The droplets pooling in your eyes begin to drop without another word, and Seonghwa’s smile falls just as they do. As he cups your cheeks, thumbing your skin and flicking off the tears, you can’t even find words for him, especially when you glance up from your trembling hands and meet his gaze.

While a flash of hurt flickers behind his starry eyes, there is just so much warmth in them, for you. It’s more than any summer’s day, yet not as overwhelming and painful as an unrelenting sun beam. Nonetheless, it will never end. It’s simply better in every way.

“Did I do something wrong?” he whispers. “Oh, angel, please don’t cry. Tell me what’s—”

“No,” you sob, refusing to let him even entertain such a thought. “God, you did everything right. You’re just so…I love you.”

Tilting your head to face him, he meets your orbs. Even through the glassy, tearful surface covering your eyes, you look to him with such coziness, security. In your eyes, he sees his home, his love, and his future. 

A small exhale leaves his lips before they meet yours, slowly pressing soft kisses to calm you down. He doesn’t need to say it for you to know that whether or not you say yes, he will accept your decision and never stop loving you. Between every kiss, he pulls away for a second, and in those moments, you are continuously reminded of how you never want to stop being with him, how you never want to part.

When he slips his head back once more, you move your hands to clasp each other behind his neck, bringing his forehead to yours. 

“Of course I’d say yes,” you whisper, so quiet as if it’s a secret for just him to know.

This time, when he meets your plush lips, there’s a smile that curls against you, one that makes a similar one grow on your features.

But while your reply was an answer just for him, he doesn’t want to be the only one to know. So, as difficult as it is for him, he leans back, just for a moment, his eyes on yours with that bright twinkle you adore so much that rivals the sun, the full moon, and all the galaxies.

The fact that there is so much love in him, in his eyes, and it’s all for you, makes you lower your head, a shy grin taking over. 

It doesn’t help when he takes your left palm and slides the sparkly ring on your finger before lifting it to his lips. Pulling away, he squeezes your hand and starts brushing his thumb slowly over your skin.

“Y’know,” you murmur, cuddling further into his side on the soft lawn, “I was thinking, for our wedding, maybe…we could have that lemon raspberry cake?”

He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your head. “I was thinking the same thing.”

a/n: hello im (yu)mei :] 

i’ve been writing this since the summer but then school happened so i haven’t been on tumblr much since then, but i’m just so down bad for seonghwa so i finished this over my break 😭

my writing schedule is also pretty inconsistent rn bc of uni but i’m planning to add ateez to my list of groups i write for regularly when i have more time/come off my weird lil unofficial + indefinite hiatus :] (although i admittedly am not good at sticking to this LOL i already have some drafts for some of the members + wips 😳)

“Y/n. I actually live in the room right next to here.”

“Oh?” he asks before his eyes land on your own cooking experiment. “Ramen?”

“Yeah. It’s too cold to go out,” you laugh. “Didn’t feel like putting on ten jackets just to get burnt pizza or something. I see you also are partaking in the art of instant noodles.”

He grins. “My friend wanted some and I didn’t feel like studying anymore. Perfect excuse.”

“Oh who’s your friend? Maybe I know them.”

“Yeosang. He lives in—”

“I know him!” you exclaim. “He’s the best study partner ever, I swear. I dunno how he does it; I think I’d die if I had to use that many equations.” You shake your head with a fond smile.

Before San can reply, however, a beeping rings through the room, causing you to pull away and tend to your noodles. Now in silence, he glances over to you, your lips pursed as you use a fork to strain the water out. 

Has he ever seen someone as cute as you? He’s sure that other people have the same unconscious habit, but there’s something so endearing about the way you pout in concentration to avoid burns or spillage. He could probably stay here forever just to keep talking to—

Your movement pulls him from his reverie, his eyes immediately falling to the tile as you grab the cover to your pot and prepare to head out. 

But instead of leaving right away, with the steaming pot in your hand, you turn to him. “I’ll see you around?”

His gaze shoots up from the floor. “Oh yeah! I’ll see you around.” 

The little wave with your free hand does him in before you disappear around the corner. He hardly knows you and yet he bets that when he goes to deliver Yeosang his dinner he’d even get on his knees and thank him for making him make ramen tonight. Maybe Yeosang would even offer to set up a—

Sighing, San rests his cheek on his knuckles with a small smile as he thinks of you. 

Oh, he’s down bad.

Tonight’s studying requires a midnight snack, you decide. So you gather all your cookware and make the short trip to the kitchen right next to your room. It should be a quick mission, in and out and straight back to biology. 

And it starts out that way.

You quickly fill the pot and turn on the stove, your foot tapping on the floor as you wait for the water to come to a boil. 

“I told you I’d see you around!” 

Your leg stills and you whip your head around, met with none other than the sight of Choi San. 

“Hey, San.” You move to the side, giving him room, almost reminiscent of last week. 

“Hi,” he grins, sliding into the space next to you.

“Back for more noodles?”

“Of course; I need my CS nerd fuel,” he quips. 

“Oh my god, thank you again for your help the other day.”

So maybe Yeosang is a good wingman, San thinks, the smile on his face growing softly. After finding out that his friend was in fact crushing on you (San wasn’t exactly subtle in his attempts to ask about you, to which Wooyoung shouted to the whole library), Yeosang reluctantly invited him to your weekly study sessions, and he’d in fact been able to help you with your homework (after Wooyoung called him a nerd and elbowed his ribs to get him to sit closer to you).

But if he thinks about it too long, his cheeks will get even redder, so he simply scratches his neck. “It’s no problem, really. Just lemme know if you need help or something.”

“Thanks, San.”

With both of your pots boiling, you begin to fill them with the noodle brick, but your eyes fall upon San’s overflowing with extra goodies.

“What’re those?” you ask, pointing to the floating rectangles at the top of the water.

“Fish tofu,” he grins. “You want some?”

“Oh, it’s okay,” you murmur, suddenly quiet. “I wouldn’t wanna take your dinner or something.”

“Don’t worry about it.” With those little dimples of his, he slides a couple pieces into your noodles, not another word filling the air between you.

You certainly don’t need to study to know the fact, through and through, that San is incredibly bad for your poor heart. 

And so, one coincidence turned into two, then four, and six. Choi San was just always in the kitchen making ramen. 

Even today, not long after you start boiling water, he comes in. It’s so expected now, and just being with him has become so natural. Shuffling through the doorway, he fills his pot without another sound before placing it on the stovetop next to yours.

“What’re you up to?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets and waiting next to you, your eyes all trained on the bubbles underneath the cover.

“Just tryna finish a lab report,” you reply. “You?”

“Needed a break from homework. I think I would’ve lost my mind if I had to think about recursion for another second without something to eat.”

With a small chuckle, the two of you fall into silence once more. Together, alone, you let yourself glance at his face. There’s something so puzzling about him, you realize. It’s as if he only lives in the kitchen. Sure, you’ve met him with your mutual friends on campus, but for someone who lives in the same building, he’s practically a ghost over here. 

“Can I ask you something?” you pipe up, breaking the peaceful lull. 

“Sure.” 

“How come I never see you? I only see you in the kitchen,” you laugh. “I thought I'd at least see you around going to class or doing laundry, just something.” 

He lowers his gaze, suddenly finding his noodles very interesting and stirring them with his chopsticks. “I, uh, I actually don't live on this side of the building,” he murmurs, unusually quiet. His words are barely an exhale, a faint breath that nearly doesn’t reach your ears. 

“Oh…” 

As the steam rises from the boiling pot, he smiles a little, a nervous blush beginning to color his cheeks. “I live on the other side. When we met I was only here because Yeosang asked me to make him some ramen.” 

You recall that windy day two months ago. Midterms season was dawning, so you can imagine the stress Yeosang must’ve been under to resort to asking San to make him something to eat. You hardly even saw the man unless he was scurrying to the dining hall, claiming he was going to die from studying so much physics.  

“I didnt wanna study so I came over and well…” 

“You kept coming over,” you finish. 

“Yeah,” he admits with a quiet laugh. “I just…like spending time with you.”

“Y’know,” you exhale, “you don’t need to make up reasons or walk across the building to see me.” 

His eyes widen. “Really!?” 

“Yeah.” A small grin laces your lips as you nod. “I like spending time with you too.” 

Comfortable silence falls upon you both as the minutes count down, the ticking of time for the small moments you share. You like spending time with him too. Maybe, even if you don’t feel the same way he does, you could at least be friends. You could be friends all on your own, without any meddling middle men. San thinks he’d like that, that he’d rather have you as a friend than be nothing at all. In whatever way you’ll accept his affection, that will be enough.

“Although, I do have a question.” 

His head pops up, wide eyes blinking back at you before they soften. “Shoot.” 

“How do you always know when I'm here when you live on the other side of the building?” 

Color rises to his cheeks once more, a deeper red definitely not from the heat of the steam. “My friends…my friends like to tease me. Y’know Jongho?” 

You nod. “He lives around the corner from me.” 

“He always texts me when he thinks he hears you going to the kitchen,” he admits before his eyes widen. “That's kinda creepy, wait. I'm so sorry! I swear I'll tell him to stop. I can stop com—“ 

You laugh before shaking your head, causing him to stare a little bewildered at you. “Please don’t stop. I like spending time with you, San. I like spending time with you… a little too much.”

He stands, eyes blown as he finally turns to you and blinks. “Huh.” 

“Gimme your phone.” 

Taking his device out of his pocket, he hands it to you silently, still gawking at you and your words. When your fingers brush he jumps back, his brain jumpstarting and observing you. There’s a silly smile lacing your lips as, wait, are you… you are! You’re putting your number into his contacts!? 

“Next time I'll just text you when I'm making ramen. Maybe I’ll even head over to your kitchen.”

Then you turn back to the stove, tending to your noodles as if you didn’t just so brazenly flirt with your crush while his jaw falls open. 

San thinks he could die right now. He could die right here, right now, and be perfectly content. Not only would he not have to take his computer science exam next week, but he also has the number of the cutest, funniest person in the university!? This has to be a dream.

You look up from your pot at the large “Ouch!” that rings through the room, turning to meet a San with furrowed brows stroking his forearm.

“Are you okay?” you gasp. “Did you burn yourself?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just had to pinch myself.”

“Huh?”

“I needed to make sure this isn’t a dream, y/n!”

Stifling a chuckle, you return to your noodles once more, the timer now up. “Well, you better call me and take me out on a date, Choi San. I’m counting on it.”

“Oh, you bet!”

It’s fitting that your first real, official date with Choi San is none other than a ramen outing. 

Stifling a giggle as he opens the door for you—ever a gentleman—you try your best to bite down on the large smile that threatens to overtake your features, but San knows better. 

“What!?” he whines, tugging on your jacket as the host leads you to your table and sliding it on the back of your chair. 

“Nothing,” you tease, still playing with his fingers and refusing to let go. “I just think it’s a little funny you wanted to come here for our first date after all the ramen we’ve already had.”

“Well I dunno if the instant ones count. I think we should have actual ramen instead of just making the ones from the value pack I got for a dollar,” he laughs. 

“Hm, maybe.”

And when the food arrives, you find yourself wanting to take everything back. 

“Oh, this looks delicious,” you gasp, your mouth forming a small circle as the steam rises towards you, drifting scents of savory broth and fresh noodles into your nose.

“I told you so!” he teases, his chopsticks already in hand as he admittedly drools over the bowl.

But somehow, San’s grin grows, his cheeky hand making its way over your tray and stealing a piece of tender beef sitting right on the top of the nest of food.

 The smile is still lacing his lips as he chews on the stolen bite, his eyes sparkling a little more at your small pout. “I just need to make sure it’s not too hot,” he quips. 

With a roll of your eyes and your own little quirk of your lips, you dig in, and you just know San was right. You really do need to have the real stuff, not the straight up sodium packs, no matter how many times they come in handy in a pinch.

But before you can even finish savoring the flavor and swallowing, your date has another trick up his sleeve, leaving a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. 

Picking up the best piece in between his chopsticks, he carefully places the perfectly cooked bit in the center of your bowl, those adorable dimples peeking through his pink blush, one that rises not just from the steam. How are you going to finish this meal when he just knows how to make you swoon? 

And, as if that wasn’t bad enough for your fragile heart, he repeats the action no less than three times, even taking it upon himself to blow on the bite then hold it to your lips until you finally eat it. 

Oh, this man is going to be the death of you. 

“He’s in the kitchen?” you ask, holding the phone between your ear and your shoulder as you prepare your pot and fish out a packet from your drawers.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa hums. “You coming?” 

“I’ll be over in a bit.”

“A bit” means less than five minutes as you sprint through the halls to make it over to the other side of the building before he leaves, not bothering to lock your door despite knowing you’ll probably end up hanging out in his room for the rest of the afternoon.

And, true to Seonghwa’s word, San is in the kitchen. With his back hunched over the stove, his hand steadying the pot, his small pout lacing his lips as a stray noodle hits the sink, he doesn’t even flinch at the pounding of footsteps running through the dorm. 

He’s so cute like that, so immersed in something seemingly so simple. But that’s San for you, doing everything with care and attention.

Maybe you’re just in a teasing mood, or maybe San and his friends have rubbed off on you, but an idea pops into your head as you take another moment to admire him. 

With a smile, you adjust your pitch an octave or two. “You’re super handsome.”

“Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m already taken,” San replies monotonously, not even looking up from his task at the intrusion. 

At your burst of laughter, he finally looks up, his eyes widening at your form collapsing to the ground and clutching your stomach as fits of giggles erupt over and over. 

“Huh!?”

“It’s just me, doofus!” 

Joining you on the floor, he kneels over you, tickling your sides with a fond grin before you both pull apart and sit back on your knees.

“You’re so silly,” he teases, tilting his head to the side.

“It’s true though! I was telling the truth!”

But with him looking at you…like that…that warm gaze and bright smile…the last of your laughter subsides, allowing your head to jump back to his words. 

He’s already taken? Well, you hadn’t exactly crossed over to that and had that discussion after your few dates, but…you’d like that, love that. 

“San—”

“Y/n—”

A hint of laughter comes to both of you before pittering out once more. 

“You go,” you murmur. 

“I know I said…” His voice is unusually soft, even more so as he takes a small breath and leaves the rest in the open. “But…if you aren’t comfortable with that…relationship…with me…right now, that’s okay. I can wait. If you want, I’ll wait for you. But as far as I’m concerned, there’s nobody else. So, whatever you want, I’ll make it work.”

His words are barely a whisper now. Glancing between you and his twiddling fingers, he’s never looked so nervous. You’d like nothing more to take his hand in yours and bring that dimpled smile back, easing his racing heart. And there isn’t a doubt in your heart anyway, so why wait? 

Scooting forward, you rest a hand on his shoulder, a small grin on your lips. “Maybe you haven’t figured it out yet but…I’m kind of impatient, y’know.”

“Coming!”

After you place the dishes together with their brethren, you make your way to the bedroom. Most of your things are packed neatly into the cardboard boxes littering the floor, some taped shut and some still open and halfway filled with your decorations and personal belongings. But Wonwoo sits on the bed, a book in his hands.

“What’s that?” you ask, coming over to sit next to him.

“Photo album,” he replies, his gaze still on the faded pictures from years ago. His lips quirk as he turns the page. “I didn’t know you kept these.”

Letting your eyes wander to the book, you chuckle softly. “We look so young.”

With the images in front of you, you remember those days well. You and Wonwoo were wide eyed college students when you started dating. And maybe (definitely) you were too naive and immature, as the honeymoon phase quickly wore off and you quickly decided you were better off as friends before drifting to your separate friend groups.

“You’re still just as beautiful,” he murmurs. “Actually, even more so.”

You sling an arm around his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I think you’re the most beautiful though.”

A shy grin comes over his face, his cheeks turning a warmish pink that matches the sunset outside. After a moment of quiet, his gaze returns back down to the pictures on his lap.

“Do you regret dating then?” he murmurs, his fingers glossing over your bright, teenage smile. 

You pause, meeting eyes with the adolescent Wonwoo below. His face is sharper now, and you know he’s more mature, a little wiser. “No,” you decide. “We had a good time overall, right? And we’re together now; no harm done.” Glancing to your boyfriend, you cock your head. “Do you?”

“No,” he replies quickly, shaking his head. “I think knowing you like that then, I think that helped me learn about you. I think it taught me how to love you better now.” 

He flips the page, finding some slightly more recent pictures, around the time you met again at work a couple years ago. Smiling, he brushes the cheek of your past self with his thumb. 

“Y’know, you still flick your pen when you’re thinking.”

“You-you remember that?” You turn to face him, his eyes now on you with his warm, steady gaze.

Slipping off his shoes, he tip toes towards the bar to pull off the lid, revealing a small dinner. It’s grown lukewarm in the hour or so it’s been out, but Wonwoo appreciates the thought and the effort. 

He puts the noodles in the microwave, setting the timer before making his way to his room. It’s pretty much your room too, with how much you stay over. You practically live at this place, though technically you do have a lease somewhere else in the city. Not that Wonwoo minds your presence here at all, though. It’s quite the opposite, actually.  

The handle is cool to the touch, and as slowly as he can, he pushes it down and the door out, causing the smallest creak to come from the wood.

Moonlight shines through the window and on your skin, illuminating the side of your face squished against his pillow. Maybe a strand of drool is falling from your open mouth as you take deep breaths, exhausted by your long day. 

And then his eyes fall upon your clothing. You’re still wearing the jeans and top from when you left in the morning. He chuckles as he imagines you earlier in the day, plopping down for what was supposed to be a short nap until you probably gave in to your fatigue and passed out on his bed. 

He tries his best to take quiet steps before he sits on the edge of the bed, lightly tracing the shape of your face with his fingers.

“Angel,” he murmurs.

You make some sort of responsive hum as you snuggle your face further in his pillow. An old, faint scent of peach and cucumber meets your nose and causes you to smile, almost like you’re in a pleasant dream. Your favorite thing about Wonwoo’s room, his whole apartment, has to be how even just being in it reminds you of him, makes you happy. Everything is infused with him, his personality, his essence. It’s a constant reminder of the person who brings you joy all the time and it spreads to the deepest nooks and crannies in your brain when you need it most.

“Let’s get you changed into something more comfortable,” he says, coaxing you out of slumber slowly with his smooth voice. 

“Too tired,” you mumble before you hide your face further in the soft pillow to avoid the moonlight, causing your words to get muffled by the fabric. 

While he offers a small smile, he does worry about how uncomfortable sleeping in this outfit all night will be, so he presses his lips to your cheek and whispers a simple “Please?” against your skin.

His breath tickles, causing your lips to curl no matter how hard you try and how much you want to stay in bed, which only makes you whine. 

“I’ll help you, okay?”

You grumble but force yourself up, rubbing your eyes with your palms.

“There’s my angel,” he coos.

He stands to press a kiss to your head and pad over to the dresser, pulling out his most worn t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants you leave in his drawers.

You’re still blinking sleep out of your eyes when he places the folded clothing in front of your slouching figure, kissing the crown of your head as you try to get your brain in a conscious enough state to change.

When you think you can finally see without the blurry film of drowsiness, you shake your head to rid yourself of the last bits of the feeling. With your vision and thoughts finally somewhat clear, you glance up and Wonwoo is gone. He can be so polite sometimes. Even after all these years he still likes to give you your privacy, even when you don’t mind. 

The somewhat worn cloth has the familiar smell of fruit, and the softness of the fabric is already lulling you back into the cozy slumber you’d been in minutes earlier despite your efforts to resist. Wonwoo’s clothes just…remind you of him, like a nice hug both for your whole being, the comforts of belonging, of love, of home, all wrapped up in one thing.

Once you’re changed into his shirt and your bottoms, you creep into the hallway and spot Wonwoo at the counter, munching on his old noodles.

“I’m sorry they got cold,” you whisper as you approach him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face against him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, settling into your touch despite jumping a little at the coldness of your hands seeping through his own pajama shirt.

He eats in silence, with you falling asleep attached to his back and him happy to ease you into dreaming again. With his eyes wandering while he chews, they find your reflections in the oven door.

He can’t seem to stop his lips from curving and smile from blooming when he notices the way the old cotton of his shirt sits on your shoulders. Knowing that you prefer soft t-shirts, especially with his scent, to sleep in, he’d given you his, and he can’t say he doesn’t like it. It’s a nice little reminder that you are his to love and cherish, that you feel the same things towards him.

As he finishes the last bite of his dinner, he places the plate and utensils in the dishwasher. They’re tomorrow’s problem. Right now, he just wants to bring his favorite person to bed and cuddle you until you’re both fast asleep.

Patting your locked hands that rest on his middle, he begins the journey to his room, letting you drag your feet on the wooden boards and use him to move yourself. Regardless, he would never tire of your weight on his back.

Once you’ve returned, he closes the door behind you before helping you into bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin and crawling in next to you.

“Sleep well, love,” he whispers, pressing one last kiss into your cheek. 

“Mm, g‘night.”

What a good night it is. You would dare even say it’s the best kind of night.

a/n: i am no good at sappy notes, so i make no promises on how good this one will be either. i don’t know wonwoo and wonwoo doesn’t know me. but in some of the most volatile, terrifying, stressful and hopeless times of my life, i looked to you, and, while i didn’t think everything would suddenly be okay, at least i felt a little better. and i don’t know just seeing you can make me smile. if i could say anything to you it simply would be thank you. thank you for all the happiness and respites you have given me, whether you know it or not. and i hope that it is paid back to you and then some. i hope you are and will always be happy. whether or not i’m a carat for a long time, i will be grateful for you. 

happy birthday, my dearest. i hope you are having a great birthday filled with love and joy.