LET MY MAN TOP GOD DAMNIT!!!

Even if he has a small dick, who said small dicked people can't top the living daylights out of somebody? We in a age and time where we have a million and one kinds of toys to choose from. And unlike Flambae, ROBERT GOT ALL HIS FINGERS!!

He got a small dick? Let my man fist the fuck out of somebody. My boy got a mouth of his own that I think he knows how to use. Also, WHO SAID YOU NEED TO PUT YO DICK IN SOMEBODY TO TOP???

Anyways the thing I kept thinking about: What if in an AU younger Robert somehow decides to watch a circus act (Maybe Chase drags him there or Robert just accidentally stumbles apon the opportunity to watch) and sees a younger version of Punch Up doing tricks and shit and Robert just thinks he's just so cool

(Not well thought out, just wanted to get this out of my head cause it was slowly consuming me and idk how to write 😭)

*realizes that I'm a writer*

So we all know Robert is terrible at taking care of himself so what if Colm and Jan decided that enough was enough after Coupé sees him finish off two whole nuggets of a McDonald's ten piece and happily claim he now has some kind of meat for dinner for a while.

So she tells Colm who also decides enough is enough and forcefully invites himself and Jan over to Roberts apartment with groceries and a crockpot with a delicious roast with potatoes, carrots and onion in it!

Robert tries to protest and get them to leave because he is very confused now but they refuse his protests.

Coupé happily sets the island and starts scooping out food while Punchy puts the food they brought away, putting all the sweets they bought the man in a lower cabinet so he could easily reach them without having to stretch his achy limbs.

They sit Robert down and they start to eat but only after Robert takes a bite of his food.

For the next few days that is how things go, they barge in, they bring a home cooked meal and they force Robert to eat.

They're hearts always sing when they see how much Robert loves their food, sometimes even eating himself into a food coma. And because of that, they realize their feelings for the man. And they fall even harder than they already had.

Then one day, for a bit of a mix up, Coupé finds a Korean recipe in her recipe box. She doesn't know where it came from or when she got it but she decided to make it for Robert.

This time she gets Colm to go get Robert as she prepares everything.

Once Robert is there and sees what she's making, he instantly starts to tear up and tries to book it so they don't see but Colm stops him worriedly.

It takes a while and a couple glasses of wine to calm Robert down but he just cuddles up to both of them and begs them not to leave him too.

They're concerned but they agree, gently kissing his face free of tears. Colm continues hugging and holding onto Robert while Janelle finishes preparing and starts up the meal.

And what meal would that be?

A nice, warm Korean Beef Hot Pot.

And why did Robert start to cry?

Because that was his favorite meal that his mom ever made him. Before she left...just like everyone else.

So, can I just share how I picture Robert's relationships and pregnancy with Colm and Janelle?

1. With two kids already, his body has more demands—he's clearly going to struggle. It seems like from the second trimester on, he needs IV drips. The first couple of times it's done at the hospital, but after that, Janelle takes over (and it's way neater and faster).

2. They have this running joke that the baby will definitely be a redhead—"Irish are the reddest people (damn Vikings)"—even though it's a recessive gene. But looking at all the kids, we've generally noticed that Robert's genes seem way more dominant.

3. They obviously have tons of the cutest dresses (Colm buys them). Someone from z-team I'd give them a Leprechaun costume for the kids, okay?

I love this couple too much.

This is v accurate to what I have in mind!

Long post ahead, more under the cut!

Anyone want to talk about smutty stuff?