#md phd

This week was insane, they turned the fire hose onto us. I went from 200 anki cards a day to 500+ bc of all the antibiotics/antivirals/antifungals/anti-anything-icky they threw at us this week.

On wednesday I felt absolutely lost. Like “ohmygod I’ve worked so hard to get here and now that I’m here I can’t do it. This is too much”

Today I finished all of my anki cards in under an hour. Things came to me that I didn’t even know were in my head, I didn’t have to work as hard to remember which antibiotics are bacteriostatic and which are bactericidal. 

It really makes me think about how they say that it’s good to struggle when you’re learning something. That you think that you’re not doing well because it’s difficult and you’re struggling, but THAT’S how you learn. I felt like I was drowning this week, like they made a mistake and I shouldn’t be here, that it’s only the second week and I couldn’t do this. Then I woke up today and could recall so much more, things fell into place, and I actually felt like I could cram more stuff into my head.

The first time I applied to medical school (MD-PhD and a couple MDs), I applied to 13 schools. I got one interview and ultimately didn’t matriculate. It cost me $1,860.

The second time I applied (this year - MD-PhD only), I applied to 26 schools. Many people told me that was too many, and in retrospect now I know which ones I could have skipped. But, I wanted this to be my last time applying, I had saved up during my gap years, and I was going to do whatever it took to get in. 

This cycle I applied to 26 schools, I received 15 interview invitations, attended 13 interviews, and thus far have received 5 acceptances (although I’m only holding 2 as I withdrew from 3). In total this application cycle cost me $5,100. Additionally, I was reimbursed $1,050 from the various schools that offered to pay for interview travel. So that’s more than $6,000 to apply to medical school. That is a LOT of money. I can only imagine how much it cost for MD applicants with more interviews and no reimbursements. I could’ve paid off my car with that money, or taken a huge chunk out of my student loans. I’m so grateful that I was able to afford all of this, but I can’t help but think of those that can’t.

just had my first seminar where they started to hammer in “reviewing papers is a service” “reviewing is an obligation” “reviewing is how we shepherd our fields”

and it really felt like they were saying “if you start telling yourself this now you won’t realize later that you should be compensated for your time/expertise”

am I being too critical? it seems like journals profit off of this system of not paying reviewers, and collecting submission AND subscriptions fees

please educate me

I started studying for my MCAT retake (507 -> 519 #growthhhhhh)

1 year ago...

I submitted my second AMCAS application (no shame reapplicant)

7 months ago...

I got my first MD-PhD acceptance (speechless)

1 day ago...

I committed to a program that I am beyond excited to start at this fall (pls COVID let me go to class)

But then there's thank-you-emails and update-emails and letter-of-intent-emails.

I'm so so so happy for them, happy and excited and proud!

But also, I'm only halfway through. That'll be me (hopefully) in four. More. Years.