Fordham Administrators make startling realization: “We can just lie and ignore facts to push our own agenda!”
Rose Hill- Members of Fordham Administration made a startling realization today while trying to cover their asses. After the events of last Thursday and this weekend (in which the Fordham community was again reminded that the well-being of its students and faculty is still a priority fathom below landscaping), the administration began to draft a response.
“We were nervous at first because ya know...we were going to have to talk about the whole situation! The whole ‘we aren’t paying our professors living wages’; or that ‘we’re kicking students out of their homes without any sort of hearing’; the fact that ‘one of our Officers continued to press his full weight onto a much smaller female student of color while the other officers surrounded him and gave him enough room to move’... all that was going to make us look like real jerks.” said Grant McMahon, member of the administration.
“But that’s when we realized -- we didn’t have to say any of that! We could just lie!” McMahon said with a twinkle in his eye.
“We all took a real hard look at ourselves and realized we don’t really have the moral fortitude to feel bad about not admitting fault or keeping our students informed. I mean heck, we didn’t even mention once what the protest was about!”
When asked about the specific procedure of adding false information Grant exclaimed “I mean yeah, do you think we don’t realize that we genuinely denied our students the right to feel safe on this campus? We do! It would just be really hard to say that in an email and not be fired! So we just lied. That stuff about McShane being in an off-campus meeting to protect tuition? Total BS. He was at Chipotle! The line was really long!”
Grant finished our interview by telling this reporter he played in the NBA for 5 years, despite his height being 5′2.
