All grown up | Alessia Russo x Irish Arsenal!Reader & McFoord x Platonic!Reader
Where you've been with the team since you were young and have always been seen as the baby of the group, even when you aren't the youngest by far, and the team finds out you've grown up when they figure out you're dating Alessia
Woso masterlist | Words: 1.6k
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When you first joined Arsenal, you were still a teenager, and quickly your nickname became âthe babyâ as you had been the youngest one on the team. Katie had taken you in when you made the move over from Ireland, you hadnât played together a lot because she had a few years on you, but to have a fellow Irish around made you feel more at home.Â
You were a shy kid, and had a tendency to follow Katie around, at least for the first few months that you were at the club. A lot had changed in all those years since, but you would always be seen as the baby of the group, even when you werenât the youngest anymore by a long shot.
Moving out of Katieâs place hadnât changed much to the dynamic the two of you had. The girl was like an older sister to you, and you still found yourself at her and Caitlinâs place more often than not. Besides the two of them, the team was your family away from family, and you could not be more grateful to have them in your life, but sometimes you would like to be treated like anything besides âthe babyâ of the group.
That is exactly what you found when Alessia joined Arsenal. It was refreshing to see someone treat you the way they treated the rest of the girls. Most girls that joined the team, easily fell into the rhythm of mothering you around, like you werenât a grown adult yourself by now. Not Alessia though.
You had fallen into a different rhythm with her. She wanted to get to know you for you, and not the person everyone saw you as. It wasnât long before the two of you fell for each other and started dating.
Together you decided to keep the relationship hidden from the rest of the team. You knew they would treat your relationship differently than any of the other girls starting one, and you didnât want all the eyes that would be on you, to ruin what you and Alessia had started.Â
âHey Kiddo, are you still coming over for dinner tonight?â Caitlin asked with her arm around your shoulder on the way back to the locker room after practice. âYeah, of course. You know I wouldn't miss it.â She patted your back and moved over to Katie.
You thought you and Alessia had been good at hiding your relationship. Making sure you were the last to leave training so you could slip into Alessiaâs car unnoticed, but Beth had noticed how you would always take forever to get ready and had set her mind on figuring out what was going on. She dragged Steph to the side when they walked to their cars and explained her plan.
Together they watched you and Alessia walk out, happily chatting, and getting into Alessiaâs car before driving off. After seeing this, she decided she was going to watch the two of you closely, to see if she could figure out what was going on.
When you arrived at Alessiaâs apartment you immediately pulled her towards the couch to get in some much needed cuddles. âI hate having to keep my distance from you around the girls.â The blonde wrapped her arms around you and pulled you closer into her side. âI know, love. Have you given any more thought about telling them about us?â
You shook your head, âI donât want what we have to change the moment everyone finds out. They are all so protective, all their eyes would be constantly on us, and I donât want it to feel like our relationship is constantly being watched by the adults.âÂ
Alessia presses a long kiss to your forehead. She sighed softly while running her fingers through your hair. âI get it, they can be a lot. But you know that no matter what they say, Iâm sticking around, right?â You smile and nod, âYeah, I know.â You cuddle up to her further and start a movie.
Once the movie was finished, it was time to head over to Katie and Caitlinâs for dinner. âWant me to drive you home or to Katieâs?â Alessia asked as she got up and stretched her arms out. After checking the time, you opted for Katieâs.Â
At a red light a couple blocks over, you took the time to kiss your girlfriend and thank her for driving you. So, when you got to Katieâs you got out of the car after another quick thank you, so neither Katie or Caitlin would see any of the couply stuff.Â
And good thing you did, because the first thing Katie said as you entered the home was, âWas that Alessiaâs car?â You froze for a split second, thinking she might be onto you. âYeah, we were hanging out and she gave me a ride.â
Katie narrowed her eyes at you in suspicion, but didnât press any further. âAlright, get in here Kiddo. Dinner is almost ready, and Cait is already complaining that Iâm doing it wrong.â You chuckled as Caitlinâs voice rang out from the kitchen, âThatâs because you are!â The tension you were feeling flooded away as soon as you stepped further into the home.Â
After dinner, Katie insisted on driving you home to not let Alessia drive back and forth again. You knew that if you went against her offer, you would only be giving her signs that something was going on between you and Alessia, so you accepted the offer.
Once you got inside you called Alessia to fill her in and ask if she would still come over to your place. When she got there, you were pacing the living room. âDo you think she suspects something?âÂ
âI donât know about Katie, but Beth and Steph are the ones Iâm worried about.â Your head shot up. âWhy?â Alessia sat down and shrugged. âBeth has been giving me these weird looks, like sheâs trying to figure something out. And then when our eyes meet, she quickly starts chatting with Steph, and I donât know, I just feel like theyâre talking about us.â
Alessia realises sheâs only worrying you more with what sheâs saying, so she quickly gets up and moves her hands to your cheeks to get you to focus on her. âWe can handle their teasing, and everything that they can throw our way. Weâre going to be okay no matter what.âÂ
You take a deep breath. âNo matter what.â You repeat her words. Alessia kisses you, before guiding you to your bedroom. âNow, letâs get some sleep.âÂ
The next day at lunch with the team, you sat between Caitlin and Alessia, with Katie, Beth, and Steph sat across from you. The atmosphere in the hall was great, conversations flowed easily at all the tables.Â
Alessiaâs knee brushed against yours and you were trying to focus on Katieâs words instead of the warm feeling that filled your body. Then all of a sudden Beth leaned forward with a sly smile, clearly ready to stir something. She looked directly at you, and you could feel your nerves kicking in instantly.
âSo,â She began, looking from you to Alessia and back. âHow long have the two of you been dating behind our backs?â The table went silent and the whole team was watching you after they heard your fork clatter on your plate.
âWhat?â You stammered, âWhat are you talking about?â
âOh, donât even try to deny it.â Beth smirked. âSteph and I saw you getting in the car with Alessia, looking a little too cosy if you ask me. Weâve all seen the way you two look at each other, and the lingering touches when you think we arenât watching.â
You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you were being called out in front of the whole time. âI- We-â You tried to form a coherent sentence, but you had seemingly forgotten how to form one, so you just sighed in defeat and nervously looked over to Katie.
She was leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed, you thought she was going to be mad, but then her smirk grew, matching that of Bethâs. âWell, well, our baby is all grown up.â Caitlin jumped in as well, âGuess that means we can double date now, huh?â
The whole room erupted into laughter and teasing comments. All you could do was sink lower into your seat, and bury your face in your hands. Alessia reached over to squeeze your leg under the table, trying to ground you amidst the chaos Bethâs comment had created.Â
You leaned into her side and buried your face into her chest, blocking everyone from seeing your reddened cheeks. Eventually, Katie reached over and ruffled your hair. âRelax, Kiddo. Weâre happy for you. Russo, youâre coming to dinner next time, alright?â The blonde nodded, not having spoken a word, too afraid to mess up herself. âYeah, ehm, Iâll be there.âÂ
You finally looked up, and glanced around the room. Despite their teasing, you found nothing but love and support on the faces of your teammates. Maybe Alessia had been right, telling them wasnât so bad after all.
âCome on, love birds,â Caitlin said as she got up and put a hand on both of your shoulders, âback to training.â
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mcfoord x child!reader | struggles of international duty
the irish countryside was calm and quiet, a stark contrast to the chaotic, bustling energy of london that you were used to.
despite how much during other moments with you that she craved this peace - katie couldnât help but frown, feeling like something was off as she sat back into the plush of her latest hotel bed, with you curled into her lap, almost like a cat.
you were silent, something incredibly unusual - the irish woman usually having to race around after you to stop you trying to do something like climb the curtains, or pour all of the drinks from the over expensive mini fridge all over the floor whenever she took you with her to camps.
âyou hungry darlinâ?â she quizzed as she stroked your hair softly, offering you a tiny square of toast for the third time now, having gone against making you sit with the entire team for breakfast when you were having someâŠ.rather big feelings.
âno, donât wanâ that mammyâ you could only muster a sniffle and half audible whine in response, causing your accent (a unique blend of english, australian and irish) to shine through as you bury your face into her chest, clinging on to her shirt.
katie sighed, setting the plate aside, running out of ideas as to what on earth was bugging you. youâd been like this for days, ever since youâd both arrived at ireland camp - grumpy, quiet, and clingy in a way that you usually werenât - typically being quite the opposite, most often found wreaking absolute havoc for such a tiny person.
at first, sheâd assumed itâd been the travel. the sheer amount of driving on top of the flight from london to dublin was a bit much for anyone at times, never mind a two year old who despised the car - but it hadnât gotten any better after sleeping, even when youâd taken more naps than usual, another red flag, you usually fighting them with all of your might.
âwhatâs the matter, baby, hm? can you tell mammy?â she whispered softly, pushing a tuft of hair away from your face. your eyes had an almost dullness to them, brimmed with tears as your bottom lip stuck out.
you simply shrugged, slumping into her hold even more as your small hands twisted the hem of her jersey, gripping it like a lifeline.
katie pressed a kiss to your temple, humming in an attempt to comfort you, worry gnawing away at her. whilst at times you very much knew exactly how to use your voice, letting anyone within a mile radius know that you were around, there were other times like this where she was reminded of just how young you actually still were - completely unable to communicate your emotions.
as the day went on nothing changed, even after her training session and she collected you from the mini nursery the squad had set up at camps, where she hoped youâd be back to your usual self, and having made the workers want to rip their hair out like you normally do.
funnily enough, being told that right now wouldâve almost comforted her. however, being told that youâd been an absolute angel, and not caused an ounce of trouble knowing her little monster, worried her even more.
that evening that followed went a lot like the morning did, with you clinging to her, flat out refusing to move. it was far past your bed time and you were still wide awake (not helping your mood) - having cried hysterically every time she tried to put you down in your travel cot, or even when she attempted to settle you in âthe big bedâ, something she rarely allowed no matter how much you begged.
sheâd settled for the singular option that kept you somewhat chilled, scrolling through pictures on her phone and letting you look, making sure to find ones of your favourite people and things, or funny ones to make you laugh, like the incredible action shot of you and kyra scaring steph in the arsenal locker room, one of coopurr with a tiara, and the one of you sat on katieâs shoulders in the park, a picture that caitlin had taken.
she sighed softly, as she swiped on to the next picture, with caitlin being the one holding you, missing her girlfriend more than ever, especially right now. the aussie always balanced her out, and almost always knew what to do parenting wise in situations like this.
your face crumpled instantly upon seeing that particular photo, kicking slightly as you let out a tiny wail - the long building dam breaking.
âmummaâ you sobbed, your little voice breaking.
katie froze, her heart sinking in her chest as realisation slapped her in the face. of course. caitlin wasnât here, and you were finally old enough to register being apart from your other parent - and miss her, without understanding why she wasnât with you.
âoh baby girlâ she cooed, scooping you into her arms, bouncing you softly.
âyou miss mumma, donât you?â
you could only nod against her chest, tears soaking her shirt as she moved to stand up, pacing the room as she continued to bounce you.
âiâm sorry, iâm so sorry, mumma loves you so much and is just at work for a few weeks, she misses you too, youâll see her so soon, yeah?â she held you tightly, her accent thickening as guilt washed over her.
you continued to cry as she pulled her phone out of her shortâ pocket, immediately pressing on her girlfriendâs contact - praying that she wasnât in training or a team meeting, or even that it was the middle of the night or something, her head being so clouded with your current state that she couldnât even think about what the time difference was.
thankfully (seriously, katie couldâve got down on her knees and thanked the lord) the call connected instantly, caitlinâs beaming face appearing on the screen.
âhi beautif- is everything okay?â her voice sounded through the speaker, registering the sound of your wails mid way through her sentence and frowning softly as katie turned her phone to bring you into view.
âm-mummaâ your tears halted immediately when you saw her, whimpering softly and reaching to poke the screen.
âhi my pudding, i miss you so muchâ caitlin all but melted as you babbled, continuing to prod at katieâs phone screen, your mood instantly perking up.
the latter explained the situation with a frown, as her girlfriendâs expression mirrored her own, brows furrowing with concern. âpoor little thing. are you alright babe? it sounds like itâs been roughâ she murmured softly.
âiâm bloody knackered, but she seems to be settling a little now - lifesaverâ she winked playfully at the aussie, shifting you on her hip as your eyelids flutter shut, exhaustion from the days of pretty much crying all day hitting you. âshe misses you. so do i, but i think sheâs realising for the first time that youâre not here and canât grasp why.â
Y/N Mcford is much like her ma, Katie: stubborn, fierce, and scrappy. At eighteen months, Y/N discovers headbutting and causes chaos with her newfound discovery.
"She's at it again," Caitlin sighed, watching their eighteen-month-old daughter Y/N charge across the living room with the determination of a tiny rugby player, head lowered and aimed directly at the coffee table.
Katie barely looked up from her phone, grinning. "Look at her go. Proper little scrapper, just like her mum."
"Which mum?" Caitlin asked dryly, scooping Y/N up just before impact. The toddler squirmed in her mama's arms, clearly frustrated at being denied her target.
"The Irish one, obviously," Katie laughed, finally putting her phone down. "She's got my fighting spirit."
Y/N had discovered headbutting three weeks ago, and it had quickly become her preferred method of interaction with the world. Walls, furniture, toys, people â nothing was safe from her tiny but surprisingly hard skull. Caitlin had already moved anything breakable, put guards on the sharp corners, and was considering bubble-wrapping the entire house or perhaps even her child.
"It's not funny, Katie. She's going to hurt herself. Or someone else."
"She's fine! Look at her â she's having a ball." Katie held out her arms, and Y/N immediately launched herself from Caitlin's grip, connecting her forehead with Katie's shoulder with a satisfying thud. "Oye! Good one, little warrior."
Caitlin rubbed her temples. "You're encouraging her."
"I'm appreciating her natural talent. She's got perfect form â head down, shoulders squared, proper follow-through."
"She's a baby, not a linebacker."
"Same principle applies."
******
The next day at Arsenal training, Caitlin had hoped to get a break from the constant headbutting surveillance. She'd arranged for Y/N to stay with Katie's mum, but a last-minute cancellation meant bringing the toddler to practice.Â
"She'll be fine," Katie assured her as they walked into the training facility. "The girls love her, and she can run around on the grass and burn some energy. What's the worst that could happen?"
Caitlin shot her a look. "Don't ever ask that question."
For the first twenty minutes, Y/N was content to toddle around the sidelines, occasionally clapping when the team scored during their small-sided games. Caitlin was just starting to relax when she heard Beth's voice ring out across the pitch.
"Incoming!"
Y/N had escaped from her designated safe zone and was charging toward the group of players with the single-minded focus of a heat-seeking missile. Her target: Leah Williamson, who was bent over tying her bootlaces.
"Leah, move!" Caitlin called out, but it was too late.
THUD.
Y/N's head connected with Leah's thigh, sending the captain stumbling sideways. The toddler bounced off and landed on her bottom, looking rather pleased with herself as she clapped her little hands in celebration.
"Bloody hell!" Leah laughed, rubbing her leg. "She's got some power behind that little head of hers."
"Sorry, sorry!" Caitlin jogged over, but Y/N was already up and scanning for her next target. She spotted Alessia stretching nearby and began her approach.
"Lessi, watch out!" Katie called, but she was laughing too hard to be much help.
Y/N struck again, this time catching Alessia in the shin. The striker yelped and hopped on one foot while Y/N giggled and toddled away, looking for victim number three.
"This is like a horror movie," Caitlin muttered, chasing after her daughter. "Attack of the Tiny Headbutter."
"It's brilliant!" Katie wiped tears from her eyes. "She's taken out half the England squad already."
Y/N's next victim was Kyra, who was sitting on the grass organizing cones. The toddler approached stealthily from behind and delivered a solid hit to Kyra's back.
"Oi!" Kyra spun around, then broke into a grin when she saw the culprit. "You little menace! Come here."
But Y/N was already moving, having spotted the ultimate prize: Renee, who was standing with her to Y/N, clipboard in hand, completely oblivious to the approaching danger.
"Oh no," Caitlin breathed. "Not the manager."
"This is about to get interesting," Katie said, making no move to help.
Y/N picked up speed, her little legs pumping as she closed the distance. The entire team had stopped what they were doing to watch the impending collision.
"Should we warn her?" Lia asked.
"Where's the fun in that?" Katie replied.
Y/N struck with precision, her head connecting with the back of Renee's knee. She stumbled forward, nearly dropping her clipboard, and spun around to find Y/N beaming up at her.
"Was that... did she just headbutt me?" she asked, looking bewildered.
"Welcome to Y/N's world," Caitlin said, finally catching up and scooping her daughter into her arms. "She's going through a phase."
"A phase?" Renee rubbed her knee. "How long do these phases typically last?"
"We're hoping it's just a phase," Caitlin said pointedly, glaring at Katie, who was still chuckling.
"She's just showing initiative," Katie defended. "Good spatial awareness, timing, commitment to the tackle. We should be proud."
"She's eighteen months old!"
"Never too early to start developing those skills."
Y/N squirmed in Caitlin's arms, clearly frustrated at being contained. She spotted Steph walking by and immediately dove forward, managing to graze the defender's arm with her forehead before Caitlin could react.
"Right, that's it." Caitlin marched toward the sideline. "Back to the safe zone, little miss."
"Aw, come on, Cait," Beth called out. "She's just having fun. We've all had worse hits in actual matches."
"That's not the point," Caitlin replied, but Y/N had already wriggled free and was making a beeline for Kim, who was adjusting her shin guards.
"Kim, heads up!" Viv shouted.
Kim looked up just in time to see Y/N approaching and quickly sidestepped, causing the toddler to run straight into the goalpost padding instead. Y/N bounced off and sat down hard, looking surprised.
For a moment, there was silence. Then Y/N's face scrunched up, and she let out a wail that could be heard across North London.
"Now you've done it," Caitlin said, rushing over to scoop up her wailing daughter. "Are you happy now?"
Katie's grin faltered as she watched Y/N's tears. "I'll get the ice pack."
"No, you'll get the car keys," Caitlin said firmly, cradling Y/N. "We're going home."
"But training's not overâ"
"It is for us."
That evening, as they sat on the couch with Y/N finally calm and sleepy between them, dressed in cat-patterned footie pajamas, Katie tried to lighten the mood.
"You have to admit, she's got good technique."
Caitlin gave her a withering look. "She headbutted the manager, Katie."
"And she handled it like a champ. I think she was impressed."
"She was traumatized."
"Same thing, really."
Y/N stirred in her sleep, and both women froze. The toddler's head moved slightly, and for a terrifying moment, it looked like she might be gearing up for another attack, even unconsciously.
"Do you think she dreams about headbutting?" Caitlin whispered.
"Probably. Little warrior princess, fighting battles in her sleep."
"This has to stop, Katie. We need to redirect this energy somehow."
"I've got an idea," Katie said, pulling out her phone. "What if we get her a little punching bag? For toddlers, obviously. Channel that aggression into something constructive."
"A punching bag? She's not even two!"
"Or we could teach her to headbutt a football. Good for developing header technique early."
Caitlin stared at her. "You're not helping."
"I'm trying to find solutions! She's clearly got natural athletic ability. We should nurture that."
Y/N's eyes fluttered open, and she looked around sleepily. Spotting the remote control on the coffee table, she immediately perked up and leaned forward.
"Oh no," both women said in unison.
But Y/N had already committed to her trajectory. Her tiny forehead connected with the remote with a soft bonk, and she settled back with a satisfied sigh, closing her eyes again.
"At least she's consistent," Katie said after a moment.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"Come on, Cait. She'll grow out of it. And until then, we've got the toughest kid in North London."
"The most dangerous kid in North London, you mean."
"Same thing."
Caitlin looked down at their sleeping daughter, her heart melting despite everything. "She really is scrappy, isn't she?"
"Just like her mums," Katie said, kissing the top of Y/N's head carefully. "Both of them."
"I suppose there are worse phases she could go through."
"Exactly. At least we always know where she is â just follow the sound of impact."
Y/N stirred again, and this time, she reached up with both hands and gently patted Katie's face before snuggling deeper into the couch cushions.
"See?" Katie whispered. "She can be gentle when she wants to be."
"When she's half asleep, maybe."
"It's progress."
The next morning, Y/N woke up with renewed energy and immediately surveyed the room for potential targets. Her eyes landed on the cat, who was sunning himself by the window, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger.
"Katie," Caitlin said urgently. "Your daughter is about to assault the cat."
"Our daughter," Katie corrected, but she was already moving. "And Coop Purr can handle himself."
Y/N was three steps away from the cat when Katie scooped her up, redirecting her toward the garden door instead.
"How about we practice your headbutting outside today, little warrior?"
"You're not helping," Caitlin called after them.
"I'm containing the situation!"
As they disappeared into the garden, Caitlin could hear Katie's voice drifting back: "Right, Y/N, see that tree? That's your target. Show me what you've got."
Caitlin buried her face in her hands. It was going to be a long phase.
Two Weeks Later
"She's gotten faster," Caitlin observed, watching Y/N charge across the park with the determination of a tiny rhino, heading straight for an unsuspecting golden retriever.
"And more accurate," Katie added proudly, jogging after their daughter. "Look at that form â she's lowered her center of gravity."
"Katie, she's about to assault a dog!"
"It's a big dog, it'll be fine!"
The golden retriever, fortunately, seemed to sense the incoming danger and bounded away just as Y/N arrived, causing her to tumble into the grass instead. She popped up immediately, grass stains on her knees, and began scanning for a new target.
"Mama!" Y/N called out, pointing at a nearby bench where an elderly man was feeding pigeons. "Bang bang!"
"She's naming her attack strategy now," Caitlin said weakly. "This is getting worse."
"It's getting more sophisticated," Katie corrected. "She's developing her own combat vocabulary."
Y/N had discovered that announcing her intentions with "bang bang" made people react more dramatically, which she found endlessly entertaining. She'd started doing it at home too, calling out her signature phrase before launching herself at furniture, walls, and anyone within range.
"Bang bang!" she shouted again, this time aiming for a nearby tree. The impact echoed through the park, and several joggers stopped to stare.
"Should we be concerned that other parents are starting to recognize us?" Caitlin asked, noticing the wide berth a family was giving them.
"They're just jealous of her commitment," Katie said, but even she looked slightly worried as Y/N bounced off the tree and immediately started looking for her next target.
******
"Please tell me you're not bringing the tiny destroyer today," Leah said as she spotted Katie and Caitlin approaching the training ground.
"She's with my mum," Caitlin replied firmly. "There will be no headbutting incidents today."
"Shame," Beth said, stretching her hamstrings. "I was hoping for a rematch. She got me good last time."
"She left a bruise on my thigh that lasted a week," Leah complained. "I had to tell people I took a ball to the leg."
"At least you got away with just a thigh hit," Alessia chimed in. "She caught me right in the shin bone. I swear she's got targeting systems."
"She's developing her skills," Katie said defensively. "You should be honored to be part of her training."
"I think I'll stick to actual training, thanks," Steph laughed. "With people who can't fit their entire body weight behind their head."
The session was blissfully peaceful without Y/N's presence, but Caitlin found herself almost missing the chaos. Almost.
"It's weird how quiet it is," she mentioned to Katie during a water break.
"I know what you mean. Kind of boring without our little warrior princess causing mayhem."
"I did not say I missed it," Caitlin said quickly. "I said it was weird."
"Right, of course. You definitely don't miss watching her terrorize grown professional athletes."
"I absolutely do not."
"Cait, you're smiling."
"I'm notâ" Caitlin caught herself. "Okay, maybe it's a little bit funny. But only in retrospect."
******
"We need milk, bread, and something for dinner," Caitlin read from her phone as they entered the supermarket. "And we need to get through this without any headbutting incidents."
"She's been good all morning," Katie said, settling Y/N into the shopping cart. "Haven't you, little warrior?"
Y/N grinned cheekily and immediately spotted her reflection in the freezer door. "Bang bang!" she announced, trying to launch herself toward it.
"No bang bang in the shop," Caitlin said firmly, redirecting the cart. "Inside voices, gentle touches."
They made it through the produce section without incident, Y/N content to point at different fruits and vegetables while Katie made exaggerated faces at each one. But in the cereal aisle, disaster struck.
An elderly woman approached, cooing at Y/N. "Oh, what a sweet little girl! How old is she?"
"Eighteen months," Caitlin replied, already positioning herself to grab Y/N if necessary.
"She's just precious. And such lovely curly hairâ"
"Bang bang!" Y/N shouted, lunging forward with her forehead aimed directly at the woman's outstretched hand.
Caitlin caught her just in time, but the woman jumped back, looking startled.
"I'm so sorry," Caitlin said, wrestling Y/N back into the cart. "She's going through a phase."
"A... phase?" the woman asked, clutching her hand to her chest.
"She headbutts things," Katie explained cheerfully. "She's very good at it."
"Katie!" Caitlin hissed.
"What? She is!"
The woman backed away slowly, eyeing Y/N like she might suddenly break free and charge. "Well... good luck with that."
As soon as she was gone, Y/N slumped in the cart, looking dejected. "Bang bang?"
"No bang bang," Caitlin said gently. "Not at nice ladies."
"She's confused about the rules," Katie observed. "She can headbutt footballers but not strangers in shops."
"She can't headbutt footballers either!"
"But she does such a good job of it."
Y/N perked up at the praise and immediately tried to headbutt the shopping cart handle. The resulting clang echoed through the aisle.
"We're never going to be able to show our faces in this shop again," Caitlin muttered.
"Sure we will. We'll just shop online for a while."
"How long is a while?"
"Until she moves on to her next phase?"
"What if her next phase is worse?"
Katie considered this. "Could be biting."
"Don't even joke about that."
"Or screaming. Remember when my nephew went through his screaming phase?"
"Katie."
"I'm just saying, headbutting is relatively contained. She's not disrupting the whole shop, just small sections at a time."
"That's not reassuring."
Y/N had managed to get her head stuck between the cart bars and was making frustrated noises. Katie gently worked her free, and Y/N immediately tried to headbutt her in gratitude.
"Thank you, little warrior," Katie said, dodging skillfully. "But maybe save it for when we get home."
"Home to what? She's already headbutted every piece of furniture we own."
"We could rearrange. Give her some new targets."
"Or we could try that parenting book I bought. The one about redirecting destructive behavior."
"Did you read it?"
"I started to, but then Y/N headbutted it out of my hands."
"Of course she did."
They finished their shopping in relative peace, with only two more "bang bang" incidents and one near-miss with a display of soup cans. As they loaded groceries into the car, Y/N spotted a pigeon in the parking lot and immediately began straining against her car seat straps.
"Bang bang! Bang bang!"
"The wildlife isn't safe either," Caitlin sighed, hurrying to get Y/N secured.
"She's expanding her target range," Katie said approvingly. "Very strategic."
"Stop encouraging her!"
"I'm not encouraging her, I'm analyzing her technique. There's a difference."
Y/N finally settled once they started driving, but Caitlin could see her in the rearview mirror, eyeing the car seat like she was planning her next escape attempt.
"We need to baby-proof the car now too," she realized.
"Or teach her to headbutt safely while traveling."
"There is no safe way to headbutt while traveling!"
"We could get her a helmet."
"A helmet?"
"Little rugby helmet. Protect her head and reduce the damage to her targets."
Caitlin considered this. "That's... actually not a terrible idea."
"See? I do have helpful suggestions."
"One helpful suggestion. After weeks of encouraging her."
"I've been supportive of her natural talents."
"Her natural talents for destruction."
"Destruction is just construction in reverse."
"That doesn't make sense."
"It does if you think about it."
Y/N had apparently been listening to their conversation, because she chose that moment to attempt a headbutt on her car seat, which resulted in a muffled thud and a confused expression.
"Even she knows that doesn't make sense," Caitlin said.
"She's just practicing her technique in a confined space."
"She's going to give herself a concussion."
"She's got a hard head. Like her parents."
"I do not have a hard head."
"You're the most stubborn person I know."
"That's different."
"Is it though?"
Y/N had apparently decided the car seat was a worthy opponent and was now engaged in a systematic headbutting campaign against every padded surface within reach.
"This is what our lives have become," Caitlin said, pulling into their driveway. "Negotiating with a tiny person who communicates primarily through head trauma."
"Could be worse," Katie said, unbuckling Y/N from her seat. "She could be communicating through biting."
"Don't give her ideas."
Y/N, finally free from her car seat, immediately surveyed the driveway for potential targets. Her eyes landed on Katie's shin, and she grinned.
"Bang bang!"
"Not the shins again," Katie laughed, scooping Y/N up before she could launch her attack. "Come on, little warrior. Let's go find you something appropriate to headbutt."
"There is nothing appropriate for an eighteen-month-old to headbutt!"
"The couch cushions are pretty safe."
"The couch cushions are not safe. Nothing is safe. We live in a combat zone."
"Our very own little gladiator."
"That's not helping."
As they headed inside, Y/N spotted the cat sunning himself by the door and immediately began squirming in Katie's arms.
"Bang bang! Kitty!"
"No bang bang for kitty," Katie said firmly, but she was grinning. "Kitty is a friend, not a target."
"She's made friends with the concept of targeting," Caitlin observed. "That's somehow worse than random headbutting."
"It shows cognitive development."
"It shows that we're raising a tiny terrorist."
"A very cute tiny terrorist."
"Still a terrorist."
Y/N had given up on the cat and was now eyeing the front door with interest. "Bang bang?"
"No bang bang for the door either," Caitlin said, opening it quickly. "Door is for walking through, not attacking."
"She's really committed to this phase," Katie said as they stepped inside.
"How long do phases usually last?"
"Depends on the kid. Could be weeks, could be months."
"Months?"
"Or it could end tomorrow. Kids are unpredictable."
Y/N, as if to prove the point, suddenly became fascinated with her own shoes and spent the next ten minutes trying to headbutt her own feet.
"At least she's self-contained for now," Caitlin said, settling onto the couch to watch.
"Give her five minutes. She'll remember the coffee table exists."
Sure enough, Y/N looked up from her shoes, spotted the coffee table, and her eyes lit up with recognition.
"Bang bang!"
"And there we go," Katie said, moving to intercept. "Right on schedule."
"This is our life now," Caitlin said, but there was affection in her voice as she watched Katie redirect their determined daughter toward a pile of cushions instead.
"Could be worse," Katie called back.
"How?"
"She could be twins."
Caitlin paled. "Don't even joke about that."
"Two tiny headbutters, working in coordination..."
"Katie!"
"Surrounding their targets, executing pincer movements..."
"I'm not listening!"
Y/N, meanwhile, had discovered that the cushions made a satisfying thump when headbutted and was systematically working her way through the pile, announcing each attack with a delighted "Bang bang!"
"At least she's happy," Katie said, settling next to Caitlin on the couch.
"She's happy because she's causing controlled chaos."
"She gets that from you."
"I do not cause chaos!"
"You reorganized the entire kitchen last week because the spice rack was 'inefficient.'"
"That was organization, not chaos."
"You made me memorize a new system for where everything goes."
"A logical system."
"You color-coded the tea bags."
"They're easier to find that way."
Y/N had apparently exhausted the cushions and was now approaching the couch where her parents sat, a determined look on her face.
"Incoming," Katie warned.
"Bang bang!" Y/N announced, launching herself at the couch.
Both women moved aside as Y/N's head connected with the cushions, and she bounced off with a giggle.
"She's got good rebound recovery," Katie observed.
"I'm just saying, she's got natural athletic ability."
"She's got natural destructive ability."
"Same thing in sports."
Y/N had bounced back to her feet and was now eyeing both of her parents with obvious intent.
"I think we're next," Caitlin said.
"Wouldn't be the first time today."
"Or the last."
"Bang bang!" Y/N called out, but instead of charging forward, she held her arms up to be picked up.
"Oh, she wants cuddles," Katie said, scooping her up. "See? She's not all destruction."
Y/N snuggled into Katie's shoulder for exactly three seconds before pulling back and delivering a gentle headbutt to Katie's collarbone.
"Spoke too soon," Caitlin laughed.
"She's just showing affection."
"Through blunt force trauma."
"It's very efficient."
"It's very concerning."
Y/N had settled back into cuddle mode, apparently satisfied with her affectionate headbutt. She yawned and closed her eyes, finally looking like the peaceful baby she was supposed to be.
"See?" Katie whispered. "She's just a normal, sleepy baby."
"A normal, sleepy baby who happens to solve all her problems with her forehead."
"Everyone has their methods."
"Most people's methods don't leave bruises."
"Most people aren't as effective as our little warrior."
Caitlin looked at their daughter, finally calm and sweet in Katie's arms, and felt her heart melt despite everything. "She really is pretty amazing, isn't she?"
"The most amazing tiny destroyer in all of London."
"Just promise me this phase will end eventually."
"I promise it will end."
"And that the next phase will be better."
"I promise it will be different."
"That's not the same thing."
"It's the best I can do."
Y/N stirred in her sleep, and both women froze, but she just snuggled deeper into Katie's shoulder.
"At least she's consistent," Caitlin said softly.
"And enthusiastic."
"And determined."
"She gets that from both of us."
"The determination, yes. The headbutting, that's all you."
"I've never headbutted anyone in my life!"
"You've definitely wanted to."
"That's different."
"She's just acting on impulses we all have."
"Speak for yourself."
"You're telling me you've never wanted to headbutt Jonas during a particularly frustrating team talk?"
Caitlin considered this. "...Maybe once or twice."
"See? She's just more honest about it."
"She's eighteen months old. She doesn't know about social filters."
"Lucky her."
Y/N sighed contentedly in her sleep, and both women smiled despite themselves.
"She really is perfect, isn't she?" Caitlin said.
"Even with the headbutting."
"Especially with the headbutting."
"I thought you wanted her to stop."
"I do. But it's also kind of... her thing."
"Her signature move."
"Our little warrior princess."
"With the hardest head in North London."
"And the biggest heart."
"Even if she expresses it through blunt force trauma."
"Even then."
They sat in comfortable silence, watching their daughter sleep, both secretly hoping this phase would last just a little bit longer. After all, how many parents could say their child had taken out half the England national team before she turned two?
"Katie?"
"Yeah?"
"We're never having a normal life, are we?"
"With her? Not a chance."
"Good. Normal is overrated."
"Besides, normal is boring."
"And we've got the most interesting daughter in the world."
"The most dangerous daughter in the world."
"Same thing."
Y/N stirred again, and this time her eyes opened slowly. She looked around, seemed to remember where she was, and immediately perked up.
"Bang bang?" she asked hopefully.
Both women sighed in unison.
"Here we go again," Caitlin said.
"Round two," Katie agreed.
"I love you, little warrior," Caitlin said, kissing Y/N's forehead. "But maybe we could try some gentle activities for a while?"
Y/N considered this seriously, then shook her head. "Bang bang!"
"That's our girl," Katie laughed. "Never backing down from a challenge."
"Even when the challenge is learning not to headbutt everything."
"Especially then."
And with that, Y/N wiggled free from Katie's arms, surveyed the room with the eye of a seasoned warrior, and selected her next target: the houseplant in the corner.
"Bang bang!"
"Not the plant!" both women shouted in unison.
But it was too late. Y/N was already in motion, and the plant didn't stand a chance.
"Well," Caitlin said, watching soil scatter across the floor, "at least she's consistent."
"And enthusiastic."
"And very, very determined."
"She gets that from us."
"The best and worst parts of us."
"Mostly the best."
"With a healthy dose of chaos thrown in."
"Our perfect little chaos."
Y/N, having successfully conquered the plant, looked around proudly and clapped her hands. "Bang bang!"
"Yes, sweetheart," Katie said, starting to clean up the soil. "Very good bang bang."
"We're going to need a bigger first aid kit," Caitlin observed.
"And possibly a helmet."
"For her or for us?"
"Yes."
And somewhere in the garden, Coop Purr opened one eye, saw Y/N through the window, and decided he was perfectly content to stay outside for the rest of the day.
After all, he wasn't stupid.
******
"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Caitlin said, adjusting the tiny rugby helmet on Y/N's head. It was bright red with padding on all sides, and Y/N looked like a miniature gladiator.
"She looks fierce," Katie said proudly, taking several photos. "Our little warrior princess is properly equipped now."
Y/N seemed rather delighted with her new headgear. She immediately tested it by headbutting the coffee table, and the satisfying thunk it made sent her into giggles.
"Bang bang!" she announced, then proceeded to demonstrate her new protected technique on every piece of furniture in the living room.
"Well, at least she's not going to give herself a concussion," Caitlin observed, watching Y/N bounce harmlessly off the bookshelf.
"And look how much more confident she is," Katie added as Y/N took a running start at the wall. "She's really committed to her craft now."
"Her craft being destruction."
"Her craft being impact sports."
The helmet had been Katie's idea, naturally, and she'd somehow convinced Caitlin it was practical. Now Y/N was essentially unstoppable, protected by padding and emboldened by her new equipment.
"We've created a monster," Caitlin realized as Y/N systematically worked her way around the room, testing her helmet against various surfaces.
"We've created a properly equipped athlete."
"She's not even two!"
"Messi started young too."
"Messi didn't start by headbutting furniture!"
"Different sport, different techniques."
Y/N had discovered that her helmet made different sounds depending on what she hit, and she was conducting a thorough scientific study of the acoustic properties of their home.
"She's getting louder," Caitlin noted as Y/N's latest impact echoed through the house.
"She's exploring the full range of her equipment."
"The neighbors are going to complain."
"The neighbors should be impressed by her dedication."
"To chaos."
"To excellence."
******
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Caitlin asked for the fifteenth time as they approached the Emirates Stadium. Y/N was in her pushchair, helmet secured and looking ready for battle.
"She'll be fine," Katie said, waving to fans who were taking photos of Y/N's unusual headgear. "She's got protective equipment now."
"That's not what I'm worried about."
"She's excited about the Arsenal match, aren't you, little warrior?"
"Bang bang!" Y/N agreed enthusiastically, pointing at the stadium.
They'd been given access to the family section, where other players' children would be watching. Caitlin had hoped this would provide a controlled environment. She was rapidly realizing her mistake.
"There are a lot of people here," she said, scanning the crowd of families.
"And a lot of potential targets," Katie said cheerfully.
"Katie!"
"What? I'm just being realistic."
Y/N had spotted another toddler across the family area and was immediately straining against her pushchair straps, helmet gleaming in the stadium lights.
"Bang bang! Friend!"
"No bang bang for friends," Caitlin said firmly, but Y/N was already working on her escape plan.
The match started well enough. Y/N seemed content to watch the action on the pitch, occasionally pointing and shouting "Bang bang!" when players made contact with the ball. But as the game progressed, her attention began to wander.
"She's getting restless," Caitlin observed as Y/N started testing the structural integrity of her pushchair.
"Just needs some freedom to roam," Katie said, unbuckling the straps.
"Katie, no!"
But it was too late. Y/N was free, helmeted, and surveying the family section like a general planning her campaign.
Her first target was innocent enough â a discarded program that had fallen under a seat. She gave it a solid headbutt, and it crumpled satisfyingly.
"See? Harmless," Katie said.
Y/N's next target was slightly more concerning â the leg of an unsuspecting father who was focused on the match.
"Bang bang!" she announced before impact.
The man looked down in surprise as Y/N's helmet connected with his shin. "What theâ"
"I'm so sorry!" Caitlin rushed over. "She's going through a phase."
"A phase?" The man rubbed his leg, looking confused.
"Headbutting phase," Katie explained helpfully. "She's very committed to it."
"Right..." The man edged away slightly. "Maybe keep her... contained?"
But Y/N was already moving on, having spotted a group of children playing nearby. She approached them with the focused intensity of a professional athlete.
"Bang bang!" she called out, causing the children to scatter.
"She's dispersing the other kids," Caitlin noted with growing alarm.
"She's establishing dominance," Katie said proudly.
"She's terrorizing toddlers!"
"She's showing leadership skills."
Y/N had cornered one particularly brave child who stood his ground, apparently fascinated by her helmet. She gave him a gentle headbutt to the arm, and he laughed.
"Bang bang!" he said, trying to imitate her technique.
"Oh no," Caitlin breathed. "She's teaching them."
"She's sharing her skills," Katie corrected.
"She's starting a headbutting cult!"
Within minutes, three other children had gathered around Y/N, all attempting their own versions of her signature move. The family section was rapidly descending into chaos as small children began headbutting everything in sight.
"This is a disaster," Caitlin said, watching a small boy attempt to headbutt a plastic cup.
"This is team building," Katie countered, as Y/N organized her new followers into a formation.
"They're following her!"
"She's a natural leader."
Y/N had indeed assumed command of the small group, directing them toward a pile of stadium cushions that had been left on the ground. She demonstrated the proper technique, her helmet making a satisfying thunk, and the other children attempted to copy her.
"She's conducting a training session," Caitlin realized in horror.
"She's passing on her knowledge to the next generation."
"She's corrupting other people's children!"
"She's inspiring them to be their best selves."
The situation escalated when Y/N spotted something far more interesting than cushions â the players' tunnel, where Arsenal players occasionally emerged to acknowledge the crowd.
"Bang bang!" she announced, pointing toward the tunnel.
"She's identified a high-value target," Katie observed.
"She's planning to headbutt professional footballers!"
"She's setting ambitious goals."
Y/N began marching toward the tunnel with her small army of newly converted headbutters in tow. Parents throughout the family section began noticing their children's strange behavior.
"What's happening to the kids?" one mother asked.
"They're following the one with the helmet," another replied.
"Why does she have a helmet?"
"Apparently she headbutts things."
"She what?"
Caitlin was frantically trying to intercept Y/N's advance when disaster struck. Martin Ădegaard emerged from the tunnel to acknowledge the crowd, and Y/N's eyes lit up with recognition.
"Marty!" she shouted â her pet name for the men's Arsenal captain â and immediately adjusted her trajectory.
"She's going for the captain!" Caitlin called out in warning.
"She's got good taste in targets," Katie said, but even she was moving now.
Y/N was surprisingly fast for someone wearing a helmet, and she'd gained momentum as she approached the barrier separating the family section from the pitch. Martin, hearing the commotion, looked over just in time to see a small helmeted figure charging toward him with several other children in pursuit.
"What theâ" he started to say, then recognized Y/N. "Oh no."
"Marty! Bang bang!" Y/N called out, reaching the barrier.
Martin, showing excellent reflexes, took a step back. "Hello, Y/N. Nice helmet."
"Bang bang!" she replied, trying to climb over the barrier.
"No bang bang for Marty," Martin said, but he was grinning. "Save it for the opposition."
"She's trying to help the team," Katie said, having finally caught up.
"She's trying to assault the captain," Caitlin corrected, scooping Y/N up before she could scale the barrier.
"I'm trying to help!" Y/N protested, reaching toward Martin.
"You can help by cheering," Martin said diplomatically. "Very loud cheering."
"Bang bang cheering!" Y/N agreed, apparently satisfied with this compromise.
The other children, seeing their leader contained, began to disperse back to their parents, who were looking distinctly unimpressed.
"I think we might be banned from the family section," Caitlin said, noticing the stares they were receiving.
"We'll just sit in the regular stands next time," Katie said.
"There's not going to be a next time! At least until this phase passes."
"Of course there is. She's an Arsenal fan. It's her birthright."
"Her birthright is to terrorize the Emirates?"
"Her birthright is to support her mums' team."
"From a safe distance."
"From wherever she wants to be."
Y/N had spotted someone new approaching â Mikel, who was walking past the family section on his way to the dugout. Her eyes lit up with recognition and opportunity.
"Mikel!" she shouted, "Bang bang!"
Mikel looked over, saw Y/N in her helmet, and immediately altered his course to avoid the family section entirely. He'd heard all about the toddler's headbutting from various Arsenal staff and players.Â
"Even the manager is afraid of her," Caitlin observed.
"He's showing proper respect for her abilities."
"He's showing proper fear of a helmeted toddler."
"Same thing."
The match was winding down, and Y/N seemed to be running out of steam. She'd managed to headbutt several more inanimate objects, attempted to recruit two more children to her cause, and had been forcibly prevented from charging three different Arsenal players.
"I'd say that was a successful outing," Katie said as they prepared to leave.
"I'd say that was a public menace incident," Caitlin replied.
"She represented herself well."
"She represented chaos well."
"She's passionate about the club."
"She's passionate about destruction."
"She's passionate about both."
As they made their way toward the exit, Y/N spotted one final target â a statue of Thierry Henry near the entrance.
"Bang bang!" she announced, pointing at the bronze legend.
"Not the statue!" Caitlin said, but Y/N was already wriggling free.
"She's got good taste," Katie said, chasing after their daughter. "Henry's a legend."
"Henry's bronze! She'll hurt herself!"
"She's got a helmet!"
Y/N reached the statue and gave it her best effort, but the bronze was significantly harder than her usual targets. The impact rang out across the concourse, and Y/N sat down hard, looking surprised.
"Ow," she said, touching her helmet.
"That's what happens when you headbutt legends," Katie said, scooping her up. "They don't give way."
"Are you okay, little warrior?" Caitlin asked, checking Y/N for any signs of injury.
"Bang bang hard," Y/N observed, looking back at the statue with new respect.
"Very hard. Some things are too hard even for you."
"Bang bang soft things?"
"Yes, bang bang soft things only."
"Like cushions?"
"Like cushions."
"And people?"
"Not people!"
"Some people," Katie interjected. "Very specific people. Under very specific circumstances."
"Katie!"
"What? I'm being specific!"
Y/N considered this seriously, then nodded. "Bang bang smart."
As they walked to the car, Y/N's helmet caught the light, and several fans stopped to take photos. She waved regally, clearly enjoying her newfound celebrity status.
"She's going to be insufferable now," Caitlin said, watching Y/N pose for pictures.
"She's going to be confident," Katie corrected.
"She's going to think she's invincible."
"She's going to think she's properly equipped."
"Which is worse."
"Which is accurate."
Y/N had apparently decided that her helmet made her some sort of celebrity, because she was now attempting to high-five every Arsenal fan they passed.
"She's working the crowd," Katie observed.
"She's being a show-off."
"She's being social."
"She's being a menace."
"She's being herself."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
By the time they reached the car, Y/N had collected several more admirers and had attempted to headbutt at least six more inanimate objects. Her helmet was slightly scuffed but intact, and she seemed deeply satisfied with her day's work.
"Bang bang good day," she announced as Katie strapped her into her car seat.
"Very good day," Katie agreed. "You showed excellent technique and target selection."
"Please stop encouraging her tactical development," Caitlin said, but she was smiling.
"She did well for her first match," Katie said. "Only minor chaos, no serious injuries, and she made some new friends."
"She corrupted other people's children."
"She shared her interests."
"Her interests are destructive."
"Her interests are athletic."
"Headbutting is not a sport!"
"It is in rugby."
"She's not playing rugby!"
"Yet."
Y/N had apparently been listening to this conversation, because she chose that moment to speak up: "Rugby?"
"No rugby," Caitlin said firmly. "No rugby, no headbutting sports, no contact sports of any kind."
"Football?" Y/N asked hopefully.
"Football is fine. Regular football. With your feet."
"Bang bang football?"
"No bang bang football."
"Headers?" Katie suggested. "She's got the technique down."
"She's eighteen months old!"
"Cristiano started young too."
"Cristiano didn't start by headbutting statues!"
"Different training methods."
Y/N had apparently lost interest in the conversation and was now trying to headbutt her car seat, her helmet making muffled thumping sounds.
"She's working on her confined space technique," Katie observed.
"She's going to drive us insane."
"She's going to make us proud."
"She's going to make us famous for all the wrong reasons."
"She's going to make us famous for having the most determined daughter in London."
"The most destructive daughter in London."
"The most interesting daughter in London."
"I'll take interesting."
"Good, because boring was never an option with her."
"No," Caitlin said, watching Y/N systematically test every surface within reach of her car seat. "Boring definitely wasn't an option."
"Besides," Katie added, starting the engine, "think of all the stories we'll have to tell when she's older."
"Think of all the therapy we'll need."
"Think of all the trophies she'll win."
"Think of all the property damage she'll cause."
"Think of all the opponents she'll intimidate."
"Think of all the insurance claims we'll file."
Y/N had apparently exhausted her car seat testing and was now trying to headbutt the window, her helmet squeaking against the glass.
"She's persistent," Caitlin said fondly.
"She's unstoppable."
"She's ours."
"She's perfect."
"Even with the helmet."
"Especially with the helmet."
"Bang bang perfect," Y/N agreed from the back seat, and both women laughed.
"Yes, sweetheart," Katie said, catching Y/N's eye in the rearview mirror. "Bang bang perfect."
"Our little warrior princess."
"With the hardest head in North London."
"And the biggest heart."
"And the most protective gear."
"And the most patient parents."
"Speak for yourself."
"The most understanding parents."
"That's better."
"The most experienced in toddler chaos management."
"The most tired parents."
"The most proud parents."
"The most worried parents."
"The most entertained parents."
"All of the above."
Y/N had finally settled into her car seat, apparently satisfied with her day's destruction. Her helmet was slightly askew, and she was already starting to nod off.
"She's had a big day," Caitlin said softly.
"She's had a successful day."
"She's had a chaotic day."
"She's had a Y/N day."
"Which is all of the above."
"Which is perfect."
"Which is terrifying."
"Which is our life."
"Which is exactly what we signed up for."
"Is it though?"
"Well, it's what we got."
"It's what we got, and we wouldn't change it."
"We might change the helmet."
"We might upgrade the helmet."
"We might need multiple helmets."
"We might need backup helmets."
"We might need helmets for ourselves."
"We definitely need helmets for ourselves."
"And possibly armor."
"And definitely more insurance."
"And maybe a bigger first aid kit."
"And definitely more patience."
"And possibly a manual."
"There's no manual for this."
"There should be."
"What would it be called?"
"'Parenting a Tiny Destroyer: A Survival Guide.'"
"'Living with a Helmeted Toddler: Tips and Tricks.'"
"'Bang Bang Parenting: When Your Child Chooses Violence.'"
"'My Daughter the Gladiator: A Love Story.'"
"That last one is perfect."
"She really is our little gladiator."
"Ready to take on the world."
"One headbutt at a time."
"One bang bang at a time."
"Our perfect little warrior."
"With the perfect little helmet."
"And the perfect little battle cry."
"And the perfect little technique."
"And the perfect little parents to support her."
"The perfect little terrified parents."
"The perfect little proud parents."
"The perfect little exhausted parents."
"The perfect little family."
"The perfect little chaotic family."
"The perfect little us."
Y/N stirred in her sleep, her helmet tilting slightly, and both women smiled.
"She's dreaming of headbutting," Katie said softly.
"She's dreaming of conquering."
"She's dreaming of bang bang adventures."
"She's dreaming of tomorrow's targets."
"She's dreaming of her next match."
"She's dreaming of her next phase."
"What do you think her next phase will be?"
"Hopefully something quieter."
"Hopefully something less destructive."
"Hopefully something that doesn't require protective equipment."
"Hopefully something that doesn't involve assault."
"Hopefully something normal."
"But knowing her..."
"Knowing her, it'll be something completely unexpected."
"Something uniquely Y/N."
"Something perfectly chaotic."
"Something perfectly her."
"Something perfectly ours."
"Something perfectly terrifying."
"Something perfectly wonderful."
"Something perfectly bang bang."
And with that, they drove home through the London evening, their helmeted warrior princess sleeping peacefully in the back seat, dreaming of tomorrow's adventures and all the things she had yet to headbutt.
The world, quite simply, wasn't ready for what came next.
But Katie and Caitlin were learning that with Y/N, being ready was optional.
would you ever do one where katie has adhd and sheâs always fidgeting and stuff maybe beth makes a comment like âgod you canât ever sit still mccabeâ and it makes katie feel kinda insecure about it and caitlin comforts her
The locker room buzzed with post-match energyâshouts, laughter, the thud of boots being kicked off and the hiss of water bottles opening. Katie McCabe sat on the bench, one leg bouncing furiously as she peeled her socks off with twitchy fingers. Her eyes darted around, barely resting anywhere for long. Her thoughts didnât either.
It wasnât that she was nervous. Theyâd won, and sheâd even assisted Caitlinâs goal. But her body hadnât got the memo to stop. Her hands were drumming against her thigh now, and she was halfway through retying her ponytail for no real reason when Bethâs voice cut across the room.
âGod, you canât ever sit still, McCabe,â Beth said with a teasing laugh, nodding at Katieâs constant fidgeting. âYouâve got ants in your pants or something?â
The words werenât harsh. Not really. Just playful. The kind of banter that got thrown around after matches all the time. But it hit Katie sideways.
She froze, her leg stilled.
The room kept spinning around her, full of motion and sound, but she suddenly felt like she was glowing under a spotlight. Her jaw tightened as she forced a smile, then grabbed her water bottle a bit too quickly and muttered, âJust got energy, sâall.â
But she was quiet the rest of the time. Her body didnât calm, but now every bounce of her leg felt like a mistake. Every wiggle, every twist of her wrist or shuffle in her seat, felt like something she should hide.
-
Back at home, the flat was quiet. Caitlin was in the kitchen grabbing two beers, humming softly. Katie sat curled up on the couch, arms crossed tightly over her chest, her phone screen flickering in her hand. She was still. Almost too still.
Caitlin noticed. She always did.
âAlright, whatâs up?â Caitlin asked, setting the drinks down and sitting beside her, her arm slipping easily around Katieâs waist.
âNothing,â Katie mumbled. âJust tired.â
Caitlin tilted her head. âYouâre never still when youâre tired. Youâre twitchy and adorable and annoying as hell when youâre tired.â
Katie gave a weak laugh, then went quiet again.
Caitlin waited. And when Katie didnât say anything, she gently pressed, âWas it what Beth said?â
Katieâs eyes flicked toward her, then dropped. âItâs stupid.â
âItâs not stupid if itâs making you go quiet,â Caitlin said softly, brushing Katieâs arm with her thumb. âTalk to me.â
Katie let out a sigh. âIt just⊠I know Iâm always moving. I know I fidget and bounce and interrupt people sometimes and I canât help it. Iâm not trying to be annoying. But when people point it outâeven when theyâre jokingâit makes me feel like⊠like I should just shut it all off, yâknow?â
Caitlinâs heart clenched. She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Katieâs temple.
âHey,â she whispered. âYou donât have to shut anything off. Not for anyone.â
Katie blinked a few times, fighting the tight feeling in her chest.
âI love how your brain works,â Caitlin said. âI love that youâre always buzzing. That you think in twenty directions at once and have three different ideas before Iâve finished one sentence. That youâre alive in this loud, bright way no one else is.â
Katie turned her head, meeting Caitlinâs eyes, and there was something raw in hers now.
âAnd I love your fidgeting,â Caitlin added with a soft grin. âMeans I always know where you are in a room. Youâre like⊠constant motion. My own little storm.â
Katie cracked a smileâsmall, but real. âYour storm, huh?â
âDamn right,â Caitlin said, pulling her into a hug. âAnd if anyone canât handle it, they can get out of the way.â
Katie laughed against her shoulder, and this time, her leg bounced again. She didnât try to stop it.
âThanks,â she murmured.
âAlways,â Caitlin replied. âNow, câmere. Letâs put on something crap on telly and you can fidget all you want. Iâll just sit here and admire it.â
And that night, for the first time in a while, Katie didnât feel like she had to be still to be loved. She just had to be Katieâstorm and all.
katie mccabe x caitlin foord x child!reader | 1.1k | it's never too early for christmas
Ë˰âą*â this is part of my new little starfish universe. i hope y'all like it and it makes up for the lack of fics lately!
âDonât you think itâs a bit early for that,â Caitlin had come home to see the entire lounge covered in tinsel and christmas tree decorations with both you and Katie in the middle of it all singing and dancing to christmas music while putting up the christmas tree.Â
Even if your mummy thought it was too early for christmas, she still cracked a smile at how adorable her two girls looked dressed up in christmas clothing, your hair in two little pigtails with tinsel wrapped around. Poor Coopurr was even dressed up and whenever he tried to sneak away you would grab him back until he curled up on the couch accepting his fate.
âMummy!â You dropped everything in your hands, trying to run over to Caitlin despite all the obstacles in your way. Caitlin bent down, arms out, you always would run into her arms and sheâd pick you up. But you stopped right before, âItâs never too early for Christmas, Mummy!â Caitlin held back a little laugh, it was hard when you stood in front of her your arms crossed, with a little pout and your eyebrows furrowed.Â
What made it even harder for Caitlin to not laugh was the fact Katie was a bit behind you with the same expression on her face, âOh is that right?â Disbelief flashed across your face at the thought your mummy would question you before a cheeky grin took over. You grabbed a handful of tinsel and threw it on top of Caitlin. With her still kneeling she ended up covered head to toe in tinsel.
âMuch better!â You grinned, happy with yourself, grabbing hold of your mummyâs hand, âCome help me and mammy,â The three of you finished decorating the christmas tree. Your mummy lifted you so you could reach the top of the tree so you could put the star on, with some help from your mammy of course.
âStarfish,â Your mammy called from the kitchen, sheâd gone to make the three of you some hot chocolates while you and your mummy picked out a christmas movie for the three of you to watch. It didnât take long for Caitlin to give up on the âitâs too early to start christmasâ since she was out numbered anyway. As soon as November hit it was time for Christmas.
You slid off of your mummyâs lap and made your way towards the kitchen, âDo you wanna show mummy what we got today?â Katie handed you a little bag, your eyes lit up. Youâd almost forgotten what youâd bought today while it was just you and mammy. Before you could run off your mammy reminded you to be careful, you walked carefully back to your mummy, you didnât want to ruin the surprise.
Katie was close behind you, somehow balancing the three hot chocolates, âStarfish and I have a surprise for you love,â While leaning forward, handing Caitlin one of the hot chocolates she snuck in a little kiss. Smiling at each other, Katie attempted to sit next to Caitlin but it didnât last long before you wedged yourself in between the pair.Â
âWhat you got there, starfish?â Your mummy nodded towards the bag you were holding up while you were wiggling your way between them.
You held the bag away from Caitlin when she pretended to try to look inside the bag, âClose your eyes mummy,â Katie leaned over to cover Caitlinâs eyes making sure she wasnât peeking, âMammy says be careful,â Your mummy let out a little chuckle, whenever you wanted to come across more serious you always brought Katie into it. It was like if you said that your mammy said it then no one could ever go against it, you were the exception to that though with the amount of times you liked to push your mammyâs buttons.
Your mummy held her hands out and you carefully took out the little bauble and placed it in Caitlinâs hands. You picked out the colours and how it was decorated and personalised. You were quite proud of yourself, it was just like the ones you and your mammy had on the tree already.Â
You sat back in your mammyâs lap, her hands leaving Caitlinâs eyes to wrap around you. Caitlin opened her eyes and instantly teared up at the present in her hands. Her smile reached her eyes, looking between you and the bauble. The bauble in Caitlinâs hands was forest green with silver writing on it, âmummyâ with the year underneath it was written across with little snowflakes all around.
The year was this year, when you started calling Caitlin mum/mummy. It matched the one you had with your name and the year you were born, along with Katieâs âmammyâ bauble. When you were getting it made Katie couldnât decide between matching the year with yours and hers but she decided it would mean a bit more having the year you officially started calling Caitlin your mum.
âDo you like it?â You asked when you thought your mummy was silent for too long. Caitlin was taking it all in, processing everything. She was so grateful for the little family she had with you and Katie, forever thankful for being allowed to love and be loved by both you and Katie.
âStarfish, I donât like it. I love it,â Caitlin had to add that she loves it quickly, seeing your face start to drop and the warning glare Katie started to send Caitlinâs way, âCome here,â Your mummy gently gave your mammy the bauble to keep safe and scoped you up into her lap, her arms wrapping around you tightly, âI love you and I love the present so so much Starfish,âÂ
You cuddled into your mummy, Caitlin glanced towards Katie, a smile thrown her way with a little thank you mouthed. Katie placed the bauble down where it would stay safe and threw herself on top of the two of you, joining in on the cuddles. âMammy,â you laughed out but wiggled enough to wrap one of your arms around your mammy as well.Â
Eventually you grew impatient and wanted to see the bauble join yours and mammyâs on the tree. Caitlin stood up, holding you on her hip while she got the bauble, you reached out for your mammyâs hand, holding it while you all stood in front of the tree. The third bauble was the perfect addition and soon enough the three of you would be adding a fourth and who knows after that.
Both Katie and Caitlinâs hearts were full as the three of you cuddled up together on the couch, watching Christmas movies, movies that only Caitlin would stay awake throughout while her two girls fell asleep either side of her. Caitlin smiled, giving a small kiss to yours and your mammyâs foreheads while you slept. Life was perfect, even if Christmas started coming earlier and earlier every year.
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