#mattwan

my late friend @hsaijou drew my it lives ships for me. she was one of the kindest sweetest and most talented souls I've ever met, and it was an honor to have them in my life. I'm forever grateful.

row 1 (left to right): devon hunter/andy kang, tom sato/harper vance

row 2: ro salvador/abel flint, amalia de leon/amor rodriguez

row 3: reg custodio/jocelyn wu, matthias mcquiod/wan capili

playlist covers here:

babes wake up its time for my daily 2 am mattyass x mc meme

Text ID:

Juan(MC), with a folorn expression: idk babe i just don't think a murder carnival is a good idea tbh? lets go home and get u some therapy

Imagine finding out you were the reason they died. That you're the reason you hurt everyone you've ever loved, friends new and old, innocents who never stood a chance.

Imagine finding another one like you, the only person who could understand. He tells you you're not a monster, but not human. Something more, something extraordinary.

Matthias finds beauty in who you are, even and especially the parts of you you fear the most. He sees you in all your ugly glory, tells you you're nothing short of a miracle he'd love to witness everyday until the end of time.

first there's juan's make-up and matty's minor Illusion cantrip magics. then there's how mattyass prides himself on being able to hide behind a calm composure while wan dons on a smile and snarky remark to disguise the pain.

and then there's how mattyass' psyche tries to tuck his insecurity and guilt and shame under the mountainload of Justification and Egotism (ooh an interesting question is if hes lying about never forgiving himself - OR is he lying to himself about being a grand Puppet Master? someone who's finally made something of himself built on a throne of skull and bone. are you proud of that, little man with everything and nothing?)

in sharp contrast to wan, puppet of all puppets, who has sinks into their insecurities of being an out-of-control monster who hurts their loved ones

i think they both end up in toxic, self-defeating cycles where mattyass Bullshits justifies every sin under the sun as something that needs to be done as he wears his lil arrogant king of delusion crown... while wan ends up lashing out and pushing people away because they think they're so far below their loved ones

ultimately, however, wan is never alone. he has support from lia, abel, lincoln, joss and everyone else who's alive, and they have that connection that makes them want to do better and help others do better too.

Fandom: It Lives Within (visual novel) @itlivesproject 💜

Summary: “Don’t we, um, have a fancy schmancy dinner reservation to get to? Shouldn’t we start, I dunno, preparing for that before the whore devours get cold?” His smile softens, those bright blue eyes remaining as tender as always. “If you mean the hors d'oeuvres, it’s quite alright. You’re far more important. Now, please tell me what exactly the matter is. I’d only like to help you, darling.” A beat. Then as they always do around Matthias, Juan's defenses crumble, and he lays himself bare before his lover, exposing all their flaws and faults and feelings. — On the very last day of the year, Juan struggles with un-poachable eggs, climbable apple trees, and feeling uncomfortable in their own body. While Matthias can’t wave it all away with a magic spell, he offers his special brand of assistance.

Characters | Ships: Matthias McQuoid/Main Character (Juan "Wan” Capili)

Notes: I think dusty dream daddy and mx bodysnatcher deserve to be happy, even for a bit ;’3

for context my mc wan (they/he) is a AMAB genderqueer drag queen who hides their self-deprecation with sass and make-up 😗 ✌️ this doesn't have to be read with my other Wan fics, but some callbacks/themes would have a stronger impact if you do HAHA anyways enjoy and happy new year my dear ilw fandom <3

— The new year is often a harbinger of hopeful starts. It's a joyous farewell to past pains and baleful baggage. As one of Juan's favorite songs goes: It's out with the old, in with the new. Goodbye clouds of gray, hello skies of blue.

If only leaving trauma behind was as simple as sipping the iced tea Matthias had imported from England.