#martyrwails

i hate openly not doing well but genuinely i have been hating myself sm recently its really hard to imagine being loved or enjoyed or safe sexually rn but rest assured…when I kick this trauma’s ass…when I break the shackles of catholic trauma and purity culture…

my problem with forcemasc is its not dykey enough reminder to self make forcebutch content

I think I have more stupid internalized bullshit to deal with than I thought bc sometimes sex just never feels good and always feels bad and always feels scary even when its just in my head alone by myself THINKING ABOUT IT and I get horribly confused and sad and I hate that something very natural and almost innate is somehow also really fucking complicated

beautiful women older than me please hypnotize me im begging

Sub bottom shame….this is so stupid. I do not feel loveable or worthy if I get what I want I’m only loveable and worthy if Im suffering a little (Billing the catholic church for emotional damages)

Want her to let me explore her until I’m not scared of her anymore. Let me settle slowly into her control, let her love me from above, but slowly, so I don’t scare myself. Promise me you’re not like her. Please don’t be angry with me for being afraid of you. I cannot help but fear beautiful things.

I’m so sorry the only thing that gets me hard while domming is utter cruelty and depravity and also unhinged violence against the girl I’m fucking, the worlds not ready for me yet.

wanna bounce on it for them and be called a good boy and just fully start sobbing tbh. like im still doing my job but im fully in tears at being praised