#martian

Cock rings Part 1

Mark has simmered out significantly over the years.

He left Red Bull behind, wrote a book, divorced his wife, adopted way too many dogs, and, somehow, a floppy haired f1 driver too.

He spends time doting over the son he never got to have and going on runs along the beach and generally enjoying a half on half off phase of retirement limbo he exists in that mostly involves annoying his twenty something son about details on his little boyfriend. (Mark is not overstepping boundaries in the name of Oscar’s wellbeing, he’s not, that’s insane. He’s googling Carlos Sainz on an hourly basis because it’s good for his health.)

At first it’s funny, jenson and Fernando getting to conspiratorially chuckle behind their hands at marks hopeless face while a besotted Oscar trails after the Spaniard.

Then Oscar isn’t the only one looking besotted and the chuckles stop.

Mark is suddenly at every race. He’s calling Oscar at all hours to see how he’s feeling. (Important.) he’s dropping in on Aston Martin hospitality for a visit with Fernando. (Long overdue. Oh, Williams is next door this season? Crazy.) he’s taken up casual chats with an increasingly amused Lewis. (No he is not in the Ferrari garage to gather information. He’s here to talk to his dear friend Hamilton. Lewis. That guy.)

The 2000s grid finds it laughable at first. The work hard play hard mark who used to always walk into the paddock with a blonde on his arm or at least leave with one in his bed is now playing telephone and slinking around corners to stalk a teenager in bright orange as he tries and fails to act cool about his crush.

Genuinely, it is very funny. Until jenson is walking through McLaren hospitality to say hello to Lando and sees Oscar near tears walking out of his drivers room.

It takes him twenty minutes to coax the kid into telling him about how he thinks Carlos must hate him now because it almost felt like he was looking back and now it’s like he scared him off. The little hiccups and sniffles make jenson realize exactly how this kid got mark wrapped around his little finger.

Jenson button walks out of that garage with his head held high and Nico Rosberg on speed dial in a way he intends to put to use.

If there’s anything Nico loves more than gossip and meddling it’s gossip and meddling in the name of love. The blonde takes one look at the tortured Williams driver in a sad blue suit and matching eyes, does a once over at his fluffy hair, and decides he absolutely must be reunited with his prodigious love at once with a flair for the dramatic only Nico could muster.

After a second glance is all it takes for Nico to spot mark glaring at Carlos over Oscar’s shoulder? He knows exactly who to call to jog their reformed playboy out of overprotective dad mode for long enough to see exactly how hypocritical he’s being.

Sebastian Vettel picks up the phone on the first ring after the second try when he finally gets far enough from the hive to remove his netted sun hat. He tries unsuccessfully to convince Nico he’s too old for metaling before jenson explains the situation.

It takes the tale of a tortured twink, disapproval for an age gap relationship, and mark Webber skulking around in socks and sandals like a proud dad for Sebastian to decide he has to book a flight out to silverstone to see this for himself.

Jenson cackles like a hyena when he tells him to bring lube. Seb pretends he hung up early enough to not hear that.

So early, in fact, Nico calls him back to ensure he is bringing lube. Seb just laughs and tells him Nico wasn’t the first paddock twink and apparently is even further from the last then originally thought if those photos of Oscar are anything to go by.

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