From the base of rocket red flames belched smoke as the engines battled against the planets gravity. Winds laden with red dust were diverted for the first time by the hand of man.

Over the radio, one of the astronauts counted down, “Fifty feet … Forty-five … Forty feet …” The red sands of Mars moved, slightly at first, and then greater gouts of dust were kicked up as the rocket ship bore down on the surface. “Ten feet … Nine … Eight … Seven … Six … Five … Four … Three … Two … One … Touchdown! We have Touchdown!”

A softer voice, faint and crackly with the distance from the Earth was heard. “Congratulations, Lander. Everything here checks out, you are Go for disembark.”

“Roger, Control. Lander is Go for disembark.”

On the side of the rocket, a small door opens, a swirl of dust obscures the opening, and clears to show an astronaut, silhouetted by the internal lights. Ponderously he climbs down the ladder, turns and pauses, before striding out to place the first human foot on the Red Planet. “Another step in Humanity’s great journey of exploration.”

Soon after the second astronaut follows, and both start moving across the desolate landscape. Suddenly one wave to the other. “Over here, I’ve found them!”

The other joins his crewmate, and one uses a grabber to pick up an object. He holds it up to examine it, before declaring: “No distance is too far … to get a Mars Bar!”

The film paused on the smiling face of the astronaut framed in his helmet behind the Mars Bar held bottom left of the screen. The lights in the small conference room come up, and the three advertising people beamed widely, unnaturally white teeth gleaming in the artificial light.

“Of course, Mr Tracy, in the real film you will be the ‘lead’ astronaut; the first out of the rocket to recreate your first steps, and the one to speak the tag line. Captain Taylor, you will be the second astronaut, the one who ‘finds’ the Mars Bar.”

Captain Lee Taylor glanced across at his openly horrified friend and beyond him, Lucille Tracy, was clearly a woman who had just witnessed a train wreck.

He smirked. Those two were current out of commission, so it was down to good ol’ Lee to sort things out.

“Well, Lizzy,” he began, ignoring the woman’s hiss of irritation and muttered “Jessie”; “I’m sure it’ll be a whizz bang job for your company. Sell ‘em candies by the truck load.”

The two advertising executives and the representative for Mars company all brightened. Clearly, they agreed, and thought he was going to sign up for his role.

“But there’s one little problem, and it ain’t so little, when ya really get down to it.”

‘Lizzy’s’ colleague frowned. “A problem?”

“Yup. Th’ Space Agency ‘owns’ that line.” Blank stares. “Y’know ‘Another step…’ blah blah blah. They own it. Can’t use it for advertising without their permission.” An exaggerated frown. “An’ I’m pretty sure they already turned you down for a – whaddya call it again? Oh yeah – a ‘public relations collaboration’ way back when the mission was on.”

Jeff goraned. “They wanted us eating the damned things on live tv from the space ship, and on Mars.”

Lee snorted. “Even if the agency hadn’t nixed that idea, I’da done it. An’ so woulda th’ rest a the crew.” He indicated Jeff with a thumb. “Chocolate upsets his guts in zero-g. Weren’t no way in hell we were gonna breathe that stink all th’ way t’ Mars an’ back.”

Jeff glared at him. “I’m not that bad, Lee.”

Lee smirked at him. “The hell you aren’t, Jeff. We got back from that first equipment drop at Alphie, the techs spent two dang weeks pulling that ship apart, ‘cause it smelled so bad in there, they thought a skunk musta got in an’ died!”

Lucy giggled from behind her hands, and watched the pitch team turn slowly green at the thought. The argument beside her was starting to heat up, so she cleared her throat. Loudly.

Jeff and Lee immediately quieted down and turned back to her. Typical. People thought she was the mother of four kids, with one on the way. In truth, she was the (very) pregnant mother of five kids, with a nephew who randomly landed on her doorstep.

She turned her attention back to the advertising team. “As Lee pointed out, you’d have to do an extraordinary amount of work to get the rights to use that line for advertising purposes. There’s also the matter of Jeff and Lee’s binding contracts: they cannot participate in any activity that may be mistaken as being approved by the Space Agency without their express sign off. I sincerely doubt that you would be able to get them to agree to this advertising campaign.”

She glanced at Jeff, who took up the ball. “As you know, I have left the Space Agency, in favour of running my own business. I have to consider Tracy Engineering Industries, and how any public appearances may affect its interests. I’m afraid I cannot see how participating in your advertising campaign would benefit my company.”

Lee chimed in, “And you were sayin’ you’d banned chocolate from the house cause that was all young … uh … Jason? Jamie?”

“John.” It was sighed.

“Yeah, that’s the one! How he was refusin’ ta eat anything but chocolate.”

Jeff looked evenly at the three people across the table from him, and controlled a flash of guilt. They were deflated, and looked like he’d kicked their puppy. Which, he supposed, he had.

“I am terribly sorry, gentleman, ma’am; I thank you for your kind offer–”

“We could rework the line! Change it! And we could put your company logo on the rocket! Double-up on the advertising!” The company representative blurted out the idea, and the other two, immediately started muttering together, apparently trying to figure out an acceptable alternative for the words the Space Agency’s public relations team had sent two years writing.

Jeff paused, considering. Three hopeful faces were again watching him.

A glance either side of him, seeking input from Lucy and Lee, settled the matter.

“As I said, I … that is we thank you for your kind offer, but we will not be accepting.”

It took some time to extract themselves from the room, and more time to be allowed to depart the building, but finally Jeff stepped out onto the pavement with his wife and his best friend on either side of him.

He wrapped an arm around Lucy’s shoulders and turned to Lee. “Now tell the truth, did you really want to do that ad?”

Lee shrugged. “Woulda been fun. But th’ Agency would nevera gone for it. Sayin’ no here an’ now saved everyone a whole lotta wasted time.” He punched Jeff. “Anyways, what I said wouldnta mattered. They was only after you. Whole thing lived or died on your say so. Th’ big damn hero with the big damn dimples.”

Lee ducked the swiped hand easily. “I don’t have dimples, Lee,” Jeff muttered.

Lucy smirked. “At least, not on your face.”

She disentangled herself from her husband as both men gaped at her in shock.

“Lucy!” that was Jeff.

Lee’s reaction was much more entertaining. “Oh, god, no! Dammit, Lucy, too much information! Don’t need to know nothin’ about his rear end other than if it’s loaded for gas attack! Oh, god. That’s it! You’re gonna find me some brain bleach to clean that outta my mind.”

Laughing, the three of them stepped out from the shelter of the building, set on enjoying a rare afternoon with no responsibilities.

Just three friends enjoying life.

Notes:

I found this old tv advertisement for Mars Bars on YouTube. And then I started thinking.

It’s a dangerous thing for me to do.

Also, the fart joke crept in there and hijacked the end. Sorry about that.

The standard disclaimers, I do not own Thunderbirds, either the TOS or CGI Series. (Although I do own copies on DVD.)

Oh, and Mars Bars were DEFINITELY harmed in the making of this fic!