#marksparklfarkl

why HYDRA's logo has tentacles and only one head

that's not a hydra

that's a kraken

from marksparklfarkl on Twitter

read at least four books (I’m like... 1.75 books in)((I think I’m still not there))

sell out (I bought fake glasses because I was told I look good in them, so... check!)((I lost the fake glasses years ago and am very poor, so))

get punched in a fight

spend at least 1 hr a week pretend ing to be a ghost, were wolf, vampire, or frankstein (Waaaaaay behind)((this might be a lot easier from now on))

wear a dress more (Well, one time is more than none, so... yeah?)((I’m confident I can check this one off))

get my initials on the hi score screen on tinder ((oh my god no))

get hot or figure out how toseparate my perception of my self-worth from my perception of whether im physically attractive (Not quite)((progress made but not there yet))

buy more pants srsly i have like thre pairs that fit okay (I have done that! A little.. gonna keep with it)((the pants I bought then have worn out and I had to buy new pants. I’m still at like two pairs))

earn to speak really well with a accent

paint things

send and receive more drunk text messages (missed lots of opportunities but working on it)((oof this should just be “send and receive more text messages”))

look more like blake lively (RT from Common White Girl)((more unattainable than ever tbh))

don’t bite the inside of my mouth accidentally while chewing. don’t. do not. (so far so good!)((i fucked this up *last night* so we’ll see what 2018 holds))

win an arm wrestle against a santaman or easter bunny (OOH IT’S EASTER-ISH)((ugh i just missed santaman time... we’ll try easter and next decemberween))

fill up my liary. never tell anyone the truth. lie always (On and Off)((I haven’t written in it in... probably since early 2015; it’s far from full))

forget how to walk. relearn from the beginning

be approximately twice as grumpy and despicable as 2012 (Timehop Resolution)((grumpy, yes; despicable, ehh))

beat spiderman in a fight

eat less. evolve beyond the need to eat. beyond the need to drink. or breathe

become a dungeon master((HELLA CHECK))

cut down a tree with an axe. or use an axe to cut down a tree. but preferably the former

put hidden cameras all over a house. doesn’t matter whose. probably mine

learn to speak cat. talk shit about roommates with ploopy and swoopy ((i don’t live anywhere near ploopy anymore))

be as cool and clever and funny and witty and wonderful and handsome and cool (yeah, I said it twice) as @MarkSparklFarkl (RT from my friend Tori)((hoo, still working on it))

learn the art of disguise. be able to flawlessly impersonate D. Golway by 2016

rise to meet every challenge. always disappoint with the results((doing p well with the second half of this one, but gotta step up on the first))

maintain tiny, almost unnoticeable inconsistencies in repeated hashtag use((gotta use hashtags))

put my feet behind my head((i don’t think i’ve ever been farther from this one than i am now))

play at least 1 human character in a rpg

say “i hate everything” no more than once per day (going strong-ish)((WOW actually check??!?))

show more support for oatmeal raisin cookies in social settings. (RT from my friend Cat)

photography

dronk more water. i’m hella inconsistent with my hydration (Sometimes)((getting better?))

dress like han solo more (damn it just got hot)((that vest is so gone))

dance somestimes (eh, yeah?)((oof))

be more like i dunno vague i guess? (it’s... going... y’know...)

I want to learn to be a blacksmith.

wine more drink (doin’ okay, but not to “more” yet)((I think this one counts as done, if i expand “wine” to... just poison in general))

at least twice as many selfies (I have some math to do on this one)((oi twice as many as what? i think i’m behind, regradless))

win more claw games((back in 2016, i was on my way, but i fell out of practice suddenly and drastically))

tweet less (actually...)((i think I did it.. i’ll count it))

give Jennifer more credit((i didn’t, like accomplish this one, but... I’m crossing it off))

fart in public sometimes but always blame it on someone else

when life gives you lemons, wake up

use exclamations points at least 200% more often!((i’m at maybe 150% more))

clear tape

hop to class like a kangaroo at least once per month (not once... and it’s hot now... but I’ll try)((I... no longer have classes and don’t anticipate having anymore anytime))

break things

jump the gun whatever that means

fight a bull

we’ll bang ok

shave my head((I cut my own hair when got rid of all the long stuff... I’m gonna count it and maybe add this resolution to a future list))

write two books((WRITE?? TWO?? wtf was i thinking))

shoot a thousand video game aliens at least((totally by now))

do like a backflip or something

get a bigger bed((my bed is actually smaller now))

write a hit song

win at something (I... probably have... but it doesn’t feel satisfactory yet so)((what sit prominently in my memory are losses.. no victories))

throw a beard

b present (eh)

wear clays glasses more because it makes easier not to see hashtag deep (nope I have my own)((i no longer have my own glasses but i can’t wear clay’s anymore))

take steroids

get a gold chain that says sexy

yell timber

roar

swing from the chandelier

get a chandelier

Find an arch-nemesis.

all presented with the same spelling and grammar with which they were originally tweeted

wish me luck

i *never* post dirty photos of myself online

but i couldn’t resist today

my roommate @scarletscarab is DMing and recruited some of his circus pals to play with us.

and my favorite thing to come about in this campaign so far (all one sessions of it) is...

So I’m playing a Tabaxi (catfolk) rogue roughly based on my cat. He’s not super smart, but he is super enthusiastic and wants to work with the team. So he tells things as he sees ‘em initially.

So when I climbed the church’s ringing bell tower and the Tiefling druid asked who was ringing and I couldn’t see anybody ringing it, I told her “it appears to be ringing itself”

and she said 

“That seems highly unlikely.”

So when I was climbing down off the roof and the DM told me that many of the nearby buildings had “people-sized” holes in the roof, I reported “it looks like it’s been raining people”

and she said

“That seems highly unlikely.”

Now, I’m obnoxious and I’m aware that we are playing a roleplaying game in a world full of magic and anomalous.

SO NOW

Any time an actual clue is discovered that leads to a knew hypothesis for explaining whatever mystery we’re trying to solve, MY CHARACTER can sass in with a not-wrong-but-also-not-helpful-and-also-ironic

“THAT SEEMS HIGHLY UNLIKELY.”

today was a very stressful day that held many opportunities in which several promises for more stressful days in the immediate future reared their heads.

i’ve been drinking my friend’s sweet tea vodka since i got off work. the friend who’s been letting me stay in his apartment while he’s away and I was coincidentally homeless. the friend whose apartment has bunch of swords in it.

and i just looked at one of the swords and for like half a second i thought “how many of my problems could I solve if I threw myself on that?”

which scared me, to have a thought like that, even for just half a second. but, the answer to that question is actually not very many, especially compared to the problems it’d generate. for one thing, i’d almost definitely survive; i’m a resilient fucker. which would mean a lot of discomfort while I heal from trying to throw myself on a sword, and possibly worse, medical bills if I or someone else called an ambulance.

beyond that, throwing myself on a sword would really inhibit me from a lot (if not all) of the aspects of my life I do enjoy. Like, my job is pretty neat. My coworkers infuriate me fairly often and I have to give my boss my two weeks notice kinda soon, but in the meantime, I dig it.

and getting sworded would probably throw off my impending move to chicago. it would at least make me way worse at moving furniture. and I’m very excited about moving to chicago and putting my furniture in that apartment and living with one of my best friends.

and speaking of friends, i feel like i’ve got more contact with more friends than i have in a while. like i was feeling pretty alone and cut off for a bit and i never thought of dramatically throwing myself on a sword. now, i very regularly talk to several friends i care very much about. a sword in me would probably cause difficulty to that communication as well as cause them stress that i don’t wish on them.