MEANWHILE ON NETFLIX
Written by: Mark Illadell Welcome to Meanwhile on Netflix, one part movie review, one part social commentary, two parts rum, and a splash of soda. Speaking of drinks, I watched this movie downing a six-pack of PBR mixed with a Sunkist orange soda. That shits good!!!!
The movie we are talking about today is, Miami Connection. This movie is extremely complex. It reminds me of Purple Rain mixed with American Ninja 3... and... Scarface. It is one of those rare gems of a movie that could either be used as the climax of a stoner marathon or some sadistic form of visual torture soon to be outlawed by NATO. I'll let you be the judge.
The plot is pretty straightforward; some bearded dude hired a samurai, who has a gang of ninja henchmen, to import cocaine from some where to Miami. Then there is this rock band named Dragon Sound, who is competing for the position of "in house band" to a no named nightclub in Miami. The band Dragon Sound is comprised of multiethnic orphans who are also college students all living, training, studying, and rocking out together. Ok, so they fight over who gets to be the opening act in the club... they fight for revenge (of course the black guy dies)... and they fight to keep cocaine of the streets.
This movie is pretty bad. I'm not talking like awesome bad, I’m telling you, its really bad. It was so bad, I had to stop and wiki the movie halfway through just to make sure this wasn't a spoof... and it wasn't. The guys making this movie were actually trying to make something awesome. This is what makes this movie so much fun, because they really fucked up. This movie is filled with so much wrong it's really hard to find a place to begin. The songs that Dragon Sound sings are ridiculous. "Friends for eternity, loyalty, honesty, we'll stick together through thick and thin", and that is the honest to god lyrics of one of the songs. The best part of this film was watching the awkward lead character and co-director Mark; force-feed his band members grapes with his bare hands. There was also that fight scene between a random rock brand and a club promoter whose kung fu looked like he learned it from doing Tae-bo at the "Y". Oh, How could I forget the perfectly weathered biker gang girls flashing their weird shaped boobies, and the fight scenes are fucked.
Ninjas can't do karate with uzis... this shit is just wrong.
By the end of the movie, I was in love. It became the movie that I told everyone to watch. I'd tell them to watch "some of it"... watching all of it is a tall order, but watching a few scenes will do a body good. If you love Oscar worthy movies with strong characters and a driven plot or if you like CGI packed summer blockbusters, I'd say stay the hell away from this movie. However if you are the type of person who giggles when they see a cop eating a donut in real life, then this is the movie for you.
This review was brought to you by Septa and the 34 trolley. Septa "We're getting there... eventually".
