anywayβ¦β¦β¦..marius/louis post-rhoshmandes rape recovery ficβ¦.because, like, obviously louis has so much baggage when it comes to intimacy, heβs only barely adjusted to his own body and powers post-merrick, and even though lestat and armand tell him how deeply they understand what he feels, thereβs still a disconnect there...meanwhile, marius bottled that shit up immediately and has no idea what it would even look like to begin addressing the trauma of what happened to him, but there is some sort of catharsis that comes from watching louis struggle with it and swing from anger to humiliation to grief and resentment and everything in between.
louis doesnβt make many public appearances after the incident, but maybe he starts to make little trips to mariusβ office to catch up on minutes and notes from the meetings heβs avoided. marius tells him what he missed (and all the things louis should be grateful that he was not around to witnessβ like lestat and armandβs bickering), and sometimes louis provides some feedback, other times he simply sits and nods and thanks marius for his time before leaving.
and maybe one night it is marius who comes to louis' chambers; beckoned silently by lestat, on a night where louis is having a particularly difficult time. he's picking at the upholstery of his favorite armchair and refusing to speak, but he allows marius to sit on the divan nearby, and tolerates marius' gentle musingsβ his thoughts on louis' latest book recommendation, perhaps an update on his latest art project.
and then maybe there's a lull, or maybe louis catches marius listening in on his thoughts, and eventually he confesses: "they all think i am a broken thing. a fragile thing. lestat, and armand, and those closest to me...they care so deeply and yet they hover and dote and send in their babysitters, and act as if i am made of glass."
and maybe marius says something understanding, or maybe he sternly reminds louis that "i am not your babysitter", but then there's this moment, suddenly, when louis looks at him with the most indescribable emotion in his eyes and asks:
"why did you come here tonight?"
"because lestat asked me to," marius replies. "and because it helps me, to witness your pain. because the art of suffering is lost to me and i admire your anger, and bitterness, and complete resentment."
"i'm not your muse," louis sneers. "teach me to bury it."
and maybe when marius is silent for a little too long, it sends louis into a rage and ignites an old anger that hasn't seethed through him since he was a drunken, mortal thing. an anger with no direction and no agenda; an anger that bleeds out of him and drains him as he throws his book across the floor and paces the room.
"it happened to us both! why am i the only one who suffers! they compare the two of us, i know they do, and they all wonder why i am not more like the great marius de romanus! why do you and gabrielle get to keep your dignity and your strengthβhow can you walk away from this!"
and maybe that's when marius slaps him. something sharp to cut through the manic hurricane of it all. and in the slap, louis feels echos of something else: the cruel sting of the ice, the rotted smell of the earth from beneath the tree in the grove.
"because i have endured worse."
he waits until the words sink in for louis, and maybe when they do, when louis is able to release a small amount of his anger and look to marius, maybe he finds an expression across marius' features that he's never seen beforeβ something wounded and pained behind his blue eyes.
"I haven't walked away from any of it," marius adds patiently, maybe moves a bit closer. "I'm here now."
and maybe it's louis who makes the first move, who closes the space between them with a kiss. maybe it's louis who needs this; needs to feel understood, needs to feel something, anything, without being treated like fragile porcelain.
but maybe marius needs it, too. he likes the way louis kisses him so fiercely and then draws away with sudden shyness, the way he seems to contradict and sabotage himself, the way he looks at marius as if he has all the answers for how to confront this beast. and maybe marius doesn't have all the answers (he never does), but maybe he can learn something from louis.
maybe they can learn something together.
