#marble arch

“i’m a statute you can pray to, you say i’m too cold to touch.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, this is such a babe bauman inner monologue post-temporary death at the fence !! but like, it’s also traces of her old thoughts because of the fact she and steve finally get together after that so like it’s overlapping with the two nights they spent together naked in each others arms before he brought her back to life and just—

AND NO WAIT OKAY

…MISERABLE MAN

miserable man???

MISERABLE MAN!!!????

i’m not well at all. this is so oswdls steve and it’s even my gator tillman in mercy.

The Mystery of Marble Arch resolved itself with a fairly simple explanation, to Edwin’s irritation, Crystal’s amusement, and Charles’ relief. Apparently, a group of teenagers obsessed with the supernatural had taken up residence in the tunnels to record any signs of haunting. All efforts made by the local ghosts to scare them away had only encouraged them and increased their internet following—something Crystal had had to explain to Edwin multiple times—and so the ghosts had eventually relocated in the hopes that the teens would soon grow bored and leave. The teens had, instead, proceeded to fake further effects of haunting, which was what had led to the problems the maintenance crew reported. Crystal had tricked the teens into confessing on camera, which destroyed their credibility enough that they seemed likely to cause the Marble Arch ghosts no further trouble.

The upside of all this was that, since there was no actual case closed, it meant no paperwork needed to be completed for the Lost & Found Department. The downside was that it meant there was also no payment. A mixed blessing was Charles insisting that Crystal and Edwin needed self-defense lessons, because if there had been something dangerous down in the tunnels, they ought to know how to protect themselves. Niko headed off a potential argument by happily volunteering to be Charles’ student as soon as he was fully recovered from his injury. A few lessons probably wouldn’t be enough to convince the rest of the team to let her accompany them on any cases they deemed too dangerous, but it would still be useful to learn. And it was another thing Charles could teach her, which seemed to make him happy.

“Edwin can defend himself in a fight if needs to,” Charles told Niko confidentially later. They were continuing their work inventorying items in the infinite backpack while Edwin gave Crystal a potion-brewing lesson—in a different section of the building, since the girls complained about the smell otherwise. “During the Case of the Grisly Gastronomist, he whacked a ghost over the head with a cast-iron skillet. And during the Case of the Atrocious Alchemist, he rigged the bloke’s lab to explode using his own chemicals. It’s just hand-to-hand combat where he needs a little work.”

“He’s not teaching Crystal to make explosives, is he?” Niko asked, mildly concerned.

“Nah, not yet. Probably not at least.” Charles looked doubtful for a moment before returning to his favorite subject. “Also, Edwin is aces with a blade—you should see him fence! He gives me lessons on occasion, but I’m nowhere near his level. Did he ever tell you about the time he bested a ghost pirate captain?”

Niko shook her head and listened as Charles related the tale of the Case of the Sunken Ship. The captain had come to them requesting their help raising his lost vessel. His ship had been cursed and his crew doomed to linger without rest. The boys had located the ship and brought it to the surface, only to discover a crew of animated skeletons, and the captain had declared his intent to continue his career of piracy. Edwin had challenged him to a duel for ownership of the vessel and won. He then freed the crew—who had not been pleased with their captain for forcing them into eternal zombie servitude—and the boys had scarpered before everyone moved on or got dragged to their afterlives.

“But what happened to the ship?” Niko wanted to know.

“Well, it was still cursed, so we couldn’t just leave it lying around for anyone to find. So Edwin found this spell to shrink it and safely store it. Here, I’ll show you.” Charles rummaged around in the backpack before he removed a large bottle containing a ship.

Niko murmured in admiration. She’d seen movies and artwork of pirate ships and ghost ships, but seeing one in person was something else. She tried to make out the interior through one of the portholes, but it was too small to see clearly. “How did it fit into the bottle?”

“Magic,” Charles replied. “But also, Edwin’s really talented. He builds ships in bottles as a hobby. I know we’ve got one on display in the office somewhere.”

“Is there anything Edwin can’t do?” Niko asked, amused.

“Well, he still hasn’t learned how to throw a punch,” Charles admitted. He leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially. “And he’s terrible at bluffing in poker.”

Niko reflected that Edwin had bluffed his way out of trouble perfectly well during the Case of the Voyeuristic Vampire last month. But Charles probably knew all his tells by now. “I’m no good at lying either,” she confessed.

“Yeah, you and Edwin are a lot alike in many ways.” Charles smiled fondly at her. “Maybe that’s why I like you so much. But, like, not the way I liked Crystal!” he clarified in a rush, looking embarrassed. “I mean, not that you’re not—I mean—”

Niko giggled and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Charles. I know what you meant.”

Charles grinned sheepishly and returned his attention to the backpack. This time, he pulled out shiny, dark red stone and stared at it for a moment before his face lit up in recognition. “I forgot about this one! It’s supposed to be a magic rock, but we think it’s probably a dud.” He passed it to Niko for inspection.

“It looks like it could be a garnet,” she observed.

“A diviner gave it to us as payment after we cleared out a pixie infestation in her shop. She said it can show visions of the future, but only for people ‘in tune with the harmonies of the universe’ or something.” He chuckled. “Edwin says foresight is a very ‘imprecise and unreliable form of magic’.” He adopted Edwin’s mannerisms for a moment. “Not to her face, though, ‘cause she’s helped us out occasionally before. Plus, it’s a pretty rock.”

Niko studied the polished surface of the crystal. Something about the play of the light made it seem like there were shapes moving around inside it. She tilted the rock, and then she could see the images more clearly—a scene with figures she recognized, tinted in red. Edwin and Charles standing beside the office desk, both looking bashful and pleased, as Charles handed Edwin a gift-wrapped package.

Niko gasped. “Did you see that?” The image had faded into abstract blocks of color and light, but she was sure she hadn’t imagined it.

“See what?”

“There, in the stone.” Niko tilted the crystal for Charles to see. “It was like watching people filmed in black-and-white, only in tones of red instead of gray or sepia.”

“You can use the stone?” Charles’ face split into a grin. “That’s aces, Niko!”

“I’m not sure how I did it,” Niko admitted. No matter which way she tilted the crystal in the light, it didn’t seem willing to show her anything more. She was glad Charles believed her.

“What did you see?” he asked eagerly.

“You and Edwin. You both looked happy, and you were handing him a present.” Niko squealed. “Do you think it might have been the knitting needles?”

“I don’t know.” Some of Charles’ enthusiasm receded. “I give him lots of gifts.”

“Oh, really?” Niko did not bother to try to sound innocent.

“Well, lots of occasions for gifts, aren’t there?” Charles started listing them on his fingers. “There’s birthdays and Christmas, the anniversary of the agency, the anniversary of when we met—although Edwin refuses to celebrate that on the day itself, since that’s the day I died—there’s the day he escaped from Hell the first time, the day we solved our first case together…”

“You like excuses to give him presents?” Niko asked with a mischievous smile.

“Don’t need excuses, do I? I like making him happy.” Charles smiled as though it was the most obvious thing in the world to give presents to his best friend of thirty-some years. Niko resisted the temptation to question if his motives were at all romantic in nature.

“You know he’s happy whether you give him gifts or not,” she said instead.

“I know. But I still want to do something extra for him. Something special.” He sighed as he surveyed the piles of objects surrounding the backpack on the floor. “I really hope we can find those enchanted knitting needles.”

Niko thought about Charles wanting to make Edwin happy, and about how the backpack could shift and rearrange itself to fulfill Charles’ wishes. The edges of an idea were beginning to form, but she didn’t want to look at it too closely, for fear it might disappear, like dandelion seeds blown away by the wind. “I think…” she said slowly. “I might have an idea for how to find them.”

My spine curves against your fingertips

Like a marble arch