#mansfieldpark

I live in a society where the eldest son usually inherits everything. This is a stupid system, which I have pointed out more than once (like Rushworth! How is it fair that he will inherit 12k but doesn't have two brain cells to rub together?). I am smart, wealthy, and well-educated so I've always seen myself as the sort of woman who marries an eldest son. When I met Tom and Edmund (brothers), I tried for Tom the heir but he was clearly not interested. And then, without meaning to at all, I found myself falling for Edmund which was kind of... annoying? He is hot, but that's not even the reason, he's just this genuinly good guy and he takes care of his poor cousin. I guess I just think I would really be able to trust him and be happy married to him.

Heres the problem though, he wants to be a clergyman. That wouldn't be so bad, though I have some real, legit issues with the church and with my brother-in-law (he's a glutton, it's a whole thing), but he really wants to do the small-town active pastor thing. And that makes sense, because he's a devoted person, but I just can't see myself living in the country all year. I like London! I have friends there and that's where I've lived most of my life. So I tried to convince him to choose another profession but he won't budge!

It bothers me because I really do love him, and I am starting to think that my friends might have made the wrong choice when they married purely for money. My friend Janet (Mrs. Fraser) is really unhappy. Also, when Edmund left to get ordained, I couldn't stop thinking about him! It was crazy, I was worried he stayed away because of another girl and I've never felt jealous in my life! So I made up my mind to marry him while he was away and I delayed my trip to London until he came home.

Anyway, now I'm in London and I hear his brother is sick. Now don't get me wrong, I would never like, wish death on someone, but in this world, where an accident of birth means that one son get everything and the other gets nearly nothing, is it really so awful to hope? Edmund is far more responsiible than Tom, he actually cares about people, and Tom is probably a gambling addict. He is a terrible choice for heir! So yes, I hinted to Edmund's cousin that it would be for the best for everyone if maybe Tom got what was coming to him (this isn't a random illness, he was drunk and got injured). But I really thought she would agree with me, after all, her whole family treats her life shit except for Edmund. Edmund would actually make sure she's provided for, I doubt Tom would.

Mansfield Park, Jane Austen