#mango rambles

They described themselves as being 'more of a companion' like it was a negative thing I would have to come to terms with. I countered that this was exactly what I wanted, and that i had thought a lot about it as i had liked them for a long time and it was them specifically I was interested in for them. (They identify as bi, I've wondered if they might be some form of arospec because of the way they talk about relationships and attraction but it's not come up and they seem happy with their current lables)

Honestly, I feel like the way we function could better be put as queerplatonic at times, but also we operate generally as a romantic relationship and so call it such for friends and family. We've both grown up in fairly traditional environments but are both queer and different presentations of non-binary. I love them, I think they're awesome.

We also made sure and continue to make sure we both have an existence outside of our relationship. They worried I would zone in on just the relationship and forget external ones but we've managed to avoid it (I think it's something they've had happen in relationships previously)

Basically, every part of our relationship has been a very conscious and negotiated thing in order to get the the current existence and balance we have now.

And this is where I get annoyed at the 'usual standards' for these kinds of monogamous partnerships/relationships.

As I said, I love my partner. I don't live with them at the moment though and am in a shared house. My housemates will often come as a higher priority because I have been close with them longer and our lives are deeply intertwined right now. I love them like my family and would do untold things for both of them.

But much of my immediate family ask how my partner is rather than how my housemates, who are very important to me and that I live with are, and this annoys me. The default of the singular 'romantic' partner over close platonic connection irritates me!

Then the other thing is both me and my partner, despite having our own very happy way of co-existing, we both often feel like we're not living up to the 'correct' standard for the other. I nearly started crying when they said I was a good partner when I was talking about some of my insecurities one night because I had been feeling so out of my depth and like I was getting everything wrong. Because we're not acting like the movies or tv shows or the 'traditional' standard of romance. They feel like they should get me gifts like flowers or chocolate more often and always warns me not to expect really regular gifts of that sort when they do give them to me. I'm always just happy to have the one off gift! Because they are present, considerate, thoughtful and loving every other day of the week, I don't care whether or not they are doing the traditional dance of "romance"

It essentially feels like I'm having to push uphill and back on the expectations of society for how I'm supposed to behave in my own relationship. And that makes me mad.

Ace and aro spec people have their own versions of important relationships that are not confined by romantic description. Hell, everyone does if they try! Platonic connection feels so undervalued in western society. I was raised by a parent who could never find a good romantic partner, but never sought positive long lasting connection elsewhere. And I now hate feeling like I'm trying to remind everyone around me that, yes, I love my partner and they are important, but they are not my everything and I don't want them to be. My friends are and will remain crucial to my existence, and my partner is the same with their circle of people.