#malecsanta18

Safety. Love. Sex. Trust. All the things he never thought he could have, now such an intricate part of his life he couldn’t imagine living without them. The knowledge was as unyielding as the color of a freshly applied rune or the exact angle of his bow in motion.

“Well,” Magnus said, breaking Alec from his thoughts. “You may not after you hear my request.” He fiddled with his earcuff, a simple black one that matched the thick lines around his eyes.

Alec shook his head. They had variations of this conversation before, and experience taught him that the best tactic was to keep pressing his point.

“What do you need?” Alec asked. “I can’t give it to you if you don’t tell me.”

Magnus swallowed hard and left his workspace, plucking an object from his desk as he went. The setting sun glinted off the honed edge of a blade, throwing lines of yellow across the floor and furniture. The matching glow of Magnus’ eyes, however, had nothing to do with the golden hour.

Most people might be scared at the sight he made. The most powerful warlock in New York gracefully stalking across the room in fluid, unbroken movements. Wisps of magic lingered around one hand while the other gripped the knife with the ease of longtime use.

Alec’s breath caught, and he shifted in place on the couch. The only concern he felt was that despite the trappings of his power, Magnus was clearly uncomfortable.

The last few steps brought him between Alec’s legs, where he came to a halt. Without thinking, Alec spread them wider, reeling him in with hands at the back of his strong thighs.

“I need a vial of your blood,” Magnus said. His gaze was focused somewhere over Alec’s shoulder. “Not for anything untoward,” he added quickly.

Well then. That explained the knife. And the uncharacteristic hesitance.

Every young Shadowhunter was drilled about the importance of never giving such consent, even under torture. Blood freely given was a weapon. Powerful and versatile. It was a skeleton key to the vilest magics in existence. Mind control, possession, resurrection, and more curses than he could count. Not to mention its aid in getting through an institute’s wards. There were dozens of other usages, each one straight out of a nightmare.

“Hey, look at me,” Alec said, waiting until those beautiful eyes focused on him. He unhooked an arm from around Magnus’ leg, holding it out and up as if in offering. “It’s okay. Take what you need.”

Magnus’ eyes grew wide. “Don’t you want to know why?”

Alec wrapped fingers around the arm holding the knife, and slowly brought the sharp edge to rest against the skin of his forearm. The metal was cold, but he didn’t flinch.

“I’m not worried, if that’s what you’re asking,” Alec said. “You’d never hurt me, Magnus. You’d never use that power against me.”

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut. “I’d rather die.”

“I know.” The silence hung heavy between them as Alec bent to place a kiss against Magnus’ wrist, still holding the knife. “If you say you need it, then you need it.”

He’d already given Magnus his heart and his body and his love. There was nothing of him that was off limits, nothing he wouldn’t share freely with the man before him.

Magnus’ face slackened in surprise, but he recovered quickly.

“There’s a little girl,” he said, shadows in his eyes. “A young warlock with a rare disease not seen in centuries. The strength of Nephilim blood is the only thing that can give the potion I’m brewing enough of a boost to cure her. It’s a long shot but nothing else has worked.”

“Magnus.” Alec tugged at Magnus’ wrist until he lowered himself to his knees between Alec’s legs, bringing them face-to-face. “I already said yes. Go save your people.”

Magnus leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Alec’s and whispering a soft, “Thank you.”

After that, it was almost anticlimactic. Magnus wielded the knife with the dexterity of an expert, and Alec was used to far more serious injuries. It was over in an instant.

Banishing the tiny vial, Magnus threw himself back into his work. When the potion was ready several days later, he whisked them off to a large house in Queens. The warlocks embraced Magnus but gave Alec skeptical looks.

Magnus hushed their protests with a wave of his hand. “Not to worry. This is Alexander. He’s one of the good ones.”

Alec wasn’t sure he deserved that endorsement, or even to be there, but Magnus insisted with a firm, “You should be here, you had a hand in this, too.” With a smile, he patted Alec’s jacket at the precise point the knife had rested. “Or more precisely, an arm.”

The warlocks let them pass, and Alec got to witness a very sick little girl regaining her health. He watched with a careful eye, ready to jump in and offer his strength if needed.

Her smile was something he would carry in his heart for a long time. A reminder that for all the loss, there was also good in their world.

Afterwards, he didn’t quite know what to say. Everything seemed inadequate, so he settled on, “Thank you for taking me with you. For showing me that.”

Magnus took both his hands and squeezed. “You did that. Your blood, the gift you gave that little girl.”

Alec brought their joined hands to his lips, brushing a kiss against Magnus’ knuckles. “You did that,” he corrected. “I was just ingredients.”

Because it was true. Alec gave his blood, but it was Magnus who transformed it into a cure for a sick child. It was Magnus who stayed up night after night, hands shaking from fatigue, eyes bloodshot, refusing to rest until the work was done. There wasn’t a day that went by when Alec wasn’t amazed at what his boyfriend could do, at how much he cared and how he worked himself to exhaustion for anyone who needed it.

“Oh Alexander, don’t you see? Do you know how many Nephilim would willingly give their blood to a warlock to save a Downworlder? But you didn’t hesitate. You didn’t even need to think it over.”

“Anyone would have done the same,” Alec protested.

Magnus shook his head, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “No,” he said, eyes heavy with memories as he untangled their hands to cup Alec’s cheek. “They wouldn’t. They didn’t.”

Alec didn’t know how to convince him he’d always be there. Always by Magnus’ side in whatever capacity he was needed. That it would be the two of them, together, for as long as Magnus would have him.

He did the next best thing, and leaned in to seal their lips together, trying to put into actions everything that Magnus wouldn’t yet accept from him in words.

--

 ii.

“Trust me,” Alec said, grabbing his bow. “This will work.”

Isabelle looked like she wanted to say something but with a shake of her head, took a silent step back, willing to follow his lead.

Not for the first time, Alec’s heart swelled with the love and care she always gave him. Isabelle was a fierce woman and he was lucky to have her in his life and on his side.

Neither did Jace look convinced, but with a nod, he clasped the bow in the same spot as Alec.

Events of the past several months had tested their bond, but they were still siblings and Parabatai, two souls united against the world. The confidence Alec felt—the certainly that this would work—was unwavering, and something of that must’ve filtered into Jace as well.

The power of the Parabatai tracking ritual thickened the air around them. Held tightly between their palms, the bow Alec favored began to hum with energy.

Alec met Jace’s eyes as the tracking took hold, but his thoughts were a world away. Not that he needed to strain himself to bend his mind towards Magnus. The memories rushed over him like the familiar wash of the tide coming home.

Magnus deep in concentration, hands flowing effortlessly across tiny bottles of spell ingredients as he worked his magic. Biting at his lip when he was unsure and trying to hide it. Head thrown back in the midst of pleasure, throat bared and mouth open in a silent shout as his entire body arched off the bed. Half asleep on the couch and nuzzling his face into Alec’s neck to chase the warmth of his skin.

A location formed in the front of Alec’s mind, hazy at first and then razor sharp, as if it had always been there. Opening his eyes, he saw the same knowledge reflected in Jace’s gaze.

They unclasped their hands.

“We know where he is,” Alec announced. As if the determined look on his face wasn’t announcement enough.

“That was…intense,” Jace said, visibly shaking himself off.” His eyes studied Alec as he continued. “More than usual. You okay?”

Isabelle gave Alec a pat on the shoulder as the three of them moved towards the Institute’s main exit. “I don’t see why you’re so surprised. Alec is intense on a good day, and now that Magnus is missing, well…” she trailed off, letting the sentence hang in the air.

Alec shrugged, unwilling to get into it when he had more important matters at hand. And it’s not like she was wrong.

Magnus should’ve been home days ago. No one knew where he was, and his phone went straight to voicemail. The last Alec heard, he was helping smooth over rising tensions within the vampire community, acting as an impartial, trusted third party. According to local gossip, there was a new clan in town and frictions were high.

Alec knew Magnus could handle himself, but that didn’t stop the worry that gnawed relentlessly at his mind, working its way steadily deeper until it was all he could think about. He had thrown more of himself into the tracking spell than usual.

Activating his speed rune, he watched from the corner of his eye as his siblings followed suit. And then they were off, sprinting through the city towards Long Island City and Magnus.

“Care to explain how that tracking even worked?” Jace asked as they ran.

Despite his nerves, Alec smiled. “Remember Izzy’s trial?” he said. “Magnus agreed to act as counsel, and the payment we agreed on was my bow and quiver.”

“He what!” Isabelle nearly missed a step in her surprise. Her voice turned serious. “Alec, you never said. I know how much those weapons mean to you.”

“So did he, I bet,” Jace chimed in with a scowl.

“He had every right to ask for it.” Alec shot back, the metal of the Queensboro Bridge clanging beneath their feet with every step. Beneath them, the East River was an inky ribbon winding through the evening darkness. “He would’ve been well within his right to ask for more.”

Probably best not to mention that he’d initially asked for Alec himself. Though looking back, it was clear that was never a demand meant to be taken seriously. Regardless of his quick temper, Magnus was the kindest person Alec knew. He would never have demanded that of him as the price for saving his sister, not if Alec truly didn’t want to give it.

“But you were never without it,” Isabelle said, interrupting his thoughts. “After the trial, you were still using the same bow.”

Alec smiled, despite the bittersweet memories of that time. “He gave it right back. Told me to hold on to it for him.”

Jace bumped their shoulders together as the three of them ran in perfect unison. It was either silent support or an apology for his earlier judging words. Alec couldn’t tell but he appreciated it nonetheless.

“So your bow belongs to Magnus,” Isabelle said with a laugh. “I knew you were a hopeless romantic.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Alec said, not really meaning it. Growing up, he never in his wildest dreams thought there would come a day when his siblings would tease him about his boyfriend. It was an impossibility, right up until it wasn’t. Alec wouldn’t give it up for anything.

He wasn’t giving up Magnus either. Alec belonged to Magnus every bit as much as his bow. And Magnus belonged to him.

No matter what it took, Alec was going to bring him home.

They fell silent as they reached their destination, an abandoned glass factory that hadn’t yet been converted into high rises. The joking atmosphere between them turned serious.

It was time to get to work.

Later, after everything was settled—it turned out Magnus had been snatched by one of the vampire clans who thought the local High Warlock would be more effective as a hostage than a negotiator—Magnus turned to Alec and frowned.

“You shouldn’t have been able to find me. After that first time with the ruby, I enchanted my belongings against it. Not that I’m ungrateful to have my dashing Shadowhunter boyfriend swoop in to rescue me.”

“Not that you needed rescuing,” Alec said. He pressed a kiss to Magnus’ collarbone, the easiest place to reach from where he was laying atop his chest, both of them warm and safe in bed. “You had the whole lot of them hanging on your every word before I even showed up. You actually got them to sign a provisional peace treaty.”

Alec trailed a finger down bare skin, enjoying the feel of hard muscle under his hand. “I half expected the vampires to beg us to save them from you.”

“High Warlock,” Magnus replied, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that made him look slightly ridiculous. He captured Alec’s hand from his chest, placing a kiss on the forefinger. “Politics is part of the job. It’s not all flashy magic, you know. And you never answered my question. How did you find me?”

Alec laughed. “You didn’t enchant all your possessions. Remember my bow and quiver? Or should I say, your bow and quiver.” He pulled back, not wanting to miss the reaction his words were sure to evoke.

It was even better than expected.

Surprise etched itself across Magnus’ face and his mouth dropped into a tiny, adorable ‘oh.’ He recovered just as quickly, warmth melting away the shock like the first rays of spring.

“I forgot about that,” he said, the words as tender as his smile. He pulled Alec back down, until Alec’s head was once again tucked into the warmth of his neck.

Alec went willingly. More than willingly.

“I didn’t forget,” he replied, fitting his body to Magnus so there was no space between them.

They drifted off to sleep holding each other. It was Alec’s favorite way to end the day, and if he had anything to say about it, that wasn’t ever going to change.

--

 iii.

“Trust me,” Magnus said, pressing closer to Alec as they were surrounded by a small army of possessed mundanes. “Let them come closer.”

The heat of Magnus’ back against his own was a reassuring presence, the two of them circling in place even as they were herded further into the narrow alley.

One of the mundanes leaped forward, hands extended like claws. Alec swatted her away with the flat of his blade. With a hiss that wasn’t quite human, she fell back. It was only a temporary reprieve, the inhale before a piercing scream. 

Alec didn’t want to fight these people, but soon he would have little choice.

“Don’t hurt them.” Magnus echoed his thoughts, voice strained as the static of his magic crackled the night air. “I’m close, I just need to—”

He cut off as a hoard of the possessed descended on them at once.

Alec exploded into motion, jerking on Magnus’ elbow and spinning him towards where the herd was thinnest. Shielding him with his body, Alec pushed the attackers back, careful to only use non-fatal slices of his seraph blade. The pain made them cautious but wouldn’t keep them back for long.

“Alec darling, save the manhandling for later, if you would.” Rolling his wrists, Magnus summoned more power to his hands.

Alec snorted despite himself. “I’ll hold you to that once we’re home.”

“Promises, promises.”

There was no time to reply. For every person he knocked down, more came forward. From the corner of his eye, he could see Magnus throwing elbows and a few kicks of his own, even as the light gathered in his palms grew brighter. A burly man got past Alec’s guard, thick fingers curling around his neck and scratching at his eyes. Alec headbutted him. But as he did, another hand ripped his blade from his grip. It clattered to the ground, out of reach.

Desperate, he threw himself after it, using the momentum to dislodge his attackers. His head hit the concrete, dazing him just enough to slow his reactions. A middle-aged woman in bright workout clothes pounced on him.

A blast of angry red magic hit her chest, knocking her back. It startled the rest, buying him a temporary reprieve.

Alec leaped to his feet, giving up the weapon as a lost cause and letting his training take over. He fought for what felt like forever, losing himself in the rhythm of kicks and punches. Occasionally, Magnus blasted the stragglers before going back to whatever miracle spell was building between his hands.

But Alec could see he was faltering. They both were.

“I can’t hold them off forever,” Alec shouted between punches.

Just as he began to despair, Magnus shouted, “Now! Close your eyes, Alec.”

Alec’s body reacted on instinct, his absolute trust in Magnus guiding his movements. It left him open. Blinded and undefended—completely vulnerable if whatever Magnus planned didn’t work.

He braced himself for it. An attack, a punch, fingernails and teeth tearing into his skin.

Nothing came. The sound of bodies hitting the ground sounded in his ears, but Alec didn’t dare look. Finally, there was silence, save for the rumble of garbage trucks along a nearby street.

“It’s over.”

Magnus sounded tired, and Alec half expected him to be on the floor when he opened his eyes.

He wasn’t. His back was straight, stance slightly wider than normal. The magic had dissipated into the air save for the remnants clinging to the edge of his form. He cut a powerful figure, one that not even the exhaustion hovering around the creases in his eyes could dim.

Standing tall and wreathed in his own power, it was hard to believe he was real.

Unfortunately, Alec had more mundane matters to take care of than staring at his boyfriend. Literally mundane, in this case. Surrounding them was a circle of collapsed men and women, and he had a job to do.

He rushed over to the fallen mundane closest to him, a young man in an expensive business suit. Two fingers placed just above the collar released the knot of tension between Alec’s shoulders. The pulse was strong and steady. He checked the rest and, when the last was done, slumped in relief.

“They’re alive,” Magnus confirmed. “I took their most recent memories in the same spell that cured them. As far as they’re concerned, they got caught up with gangs on PCP.”

Alec nodded. “I’ll call Luke and he can deal with the mundane police.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Magnus sway on his feet. Quickly, he stood, making his way over and getting his shoulder under Magnus’ arm.

“I can stand on my own.” Despite the words, Magnus made no move to extricate himself.

“Maybe I just want to feel up my boyfriend,” Alec responded with a smile, wrapping a hand snug around Magnus’ waist.

“Well, in that case, proceed.” Magnus gave an airy gesture, letting himself lean into the support Alec offered.

Alec gripped his waist tighter, relived to have the solid weight of him pressed up against his side.

He was accustomed to fighting alongside the people he loved, staying focused when they were in danger. Years of patrols with his siblings had drilled the constant threat into his mind, the knowledge that one of them could fall at any moment. It was something he tried not to think about, and was generally successful at it.

It was different with Magnus.

Alec hadn’t spent over a decade training his mind and body to accept Magnus being in danger as a mere fact of life. He wondered if that primal fear was what Magnus felt every time Alec walked out of their home towards the Institute.

Placing a kiss to Magnus’ temple, Alec closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of the man he loved. Warmth curled in his chest when Magnus dropped his head to rest on his shoulder, letting Alec take more of his weight.

“Come on,” he said, gently, leading Magnus to one of the nearby storefront benches. “We can wait for Luke here.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Magnus mumbled into his neck with a yawn. “Maybe just a little tired,” he conceded, as Alec maneuvered them into sitting.

“That was an impressive piece of magic you did.”

Magnus preened. “It wasn’t fully finished. I had to improvise a little at the end.”

Alec brushed a stray spike of hair from where it had fallen in front of his face. “Showoff.”

“It wouldn’t have worked if you didn’t keep most of them away from me. Thank you, Alexander. I know I didn’t give you much to go on.” Magnus grew visibly tired, until the words were no more than a mumble at the end.

The spell must have taken a lot of out of him because he didn’t complain when Alec coaxed him into lying across the bench, his head cradled in Alec’s lap. After a moment, Alec carded tentative fingers through the longer hair at the top of his head. Magnus could be touchy about having it messed up in public, but when he didn’t protest, Alec continued.

A little groan escaped Magnus’ lips, his eyes falling shut as Alec shifted to massaging the base of his skull. He let his fingers wander, tracing the lines of his eyebrows and trailing up and down his cheekbones. Without his usual defenses and extravagant gestures, he looked painfully young, a far cry from the centuries-old powerhouse and warlock leader he truly was.

Staring down into his relaxed face, Alec couldn’t help feeling a little floored.

Magnus was independent, often to a fault, preferring to look after himself under any and all circumstances. But here he was, practically asleep in a magically exhausted state on a New York City street. Letting Alec stand between himself and the world.

Alec would die before he let anyone touch him.

Eventually, the sound of approaching sirens reached his ears and he gently shook Magnus’ shoulder. They were both standing by the time Luke arrived on the scene with a handful of his officers.

Confident that the situation was in good hands, Magnus summoned a portal for them both. By unspoken agreement, any post-mission briefings would wait until tomorrow.

Hand-in hand, they stepped through the portal and into their home.

--

 iv.

“Magnus, trust me. I want this.” The words were hardly real, even to Alec’s own ears.

He had spelled out his entire plan, his research, everything. He spoke until his voice felt flat and scratchy. Now that it was done, he shifted in place, needing an outlet for the excess energy.

But Magnus only stared.

The silence stretched thin, the air between them cracked and brittle.

Alec was adept at reading the nuances in his boyfriend’s expressions but now those familiar features may as well been carved from stone. He could feel the exact moment his world dropped out beneath him. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he rocked backwards on the golden sheets of their bed.

“Please say something.” Each word felt forced from Alec's throat.

He spent so much time preparing, so many months soul-searching and charting every possible eventuality. He hadn’t planned that Magnus might say nothing at all.

A negative answer, sure. How could he not, after that first fiasco of a move-in discussion what felt like a lifetime ago. Eventually, they’d come to an understanding about how they each viewed the passage of time, and their relationship was stronger for it. Alec was so sure he wasn’t about to repeat past mistakes.

He hated being wrong.

“I’m afraid,” is what Magnus finally said.

Alec squinted at him. “What?”

Of all the responses he expected to his declaration of wanting to spend the rest of Magnus’ long life together, this wasn’t it.

Magnus swallowed, and Alec was momentarily distracted by the jut of his Adam’s apple as he explained.

“I’m scared that one day, maybe in a century, maybe four centuries, after your family and friends have all passed, that you’ll remember I’m the reason you’re stuck here without them.”

Magnus looked down at his hands, fingers reaching to fiddle with the rings he had already taken off in preparation for sleep. He paused, grasping at nothing until he finally clasped them together and placed them in his lap. “I don’t think I could live with myself if you looked at me like that.”

Alec choked back his instinctive denial.

It wouldn’t be fair to brush aside Magnus’ very real fears, even though he knew with a certainly aimed as true as his arrows, that those fears were wrong. The thought of living without his family was a white-hot poker seared into in his gut, but so was the thought of growing old and abandoning the love of his life to nothing but memories.

Alec couldn’t do anything about the lifespan of those he loved. He could only do something about his own.

He got to his knees on the soft mattress, shuffling forward to straddle Magnus’s lap where he sat against the headboard. Carefully, he wrapped both hands around the back of Magnus’ neck, using his thumbs to tilt his chin upwards.

Magnus let out a breath and allowed himself to be maneuvered.

Alec stroked the pad of his finger along the sharp cut of Magnus’ jaw. “I’ve thought about this, Magnus. So many times, you don’t even know. I understand what I’m committing to. I’m committing to you. Forever with you.”

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut like he was in actual pain.

When he opened them, they shone gold in wonder. “I wish I knew what I did to deserve you. I would keep doing it for the rest of my life.” He paused to bite at his lip. “But Alec, this is a big decision that can’t be undone. I need you to be sure.”

Alec pressed their foreheads together, mumbling against Magnus’ lips, “I’m sure about you.”

With a muffled cry, Magnus pressed forward, closing the slim distance between them.

Alec could taste the slightest tang of salt on his face as their lips moved together. He opened his mouth into the kiss, eagerly letting Magnus in. Magnus kissed like he wanted to devour Alec’s every word with his tongue, like he could sweep them directly from Alec’s lips into his own body and keep them safe in his heart for the rest of eternity.

Like if he didn’t, Alec might take them back.

Alec let him have it all, giving himself over to the kiss and giving Magnus everything he so desperately needed. His head spun, giddy with the thought of forever. This was only the beginning. He could see his future stretched out before him, bright and wondrous in the way he used to dream about, when he let himself imagine a fantasy world where things were different.

Except this was better. Magnus was real and warm beneath his hands, and Alec loved him with such a fire in his chest that he was surprised the whole world couldn’t see him burning.

When it was over, they stayed pressed up tight, breathing each other in as their racing heartbeats settled and the urge to gasp for each drag of air had passed.

“Oh Alexander, do you know what you do to me when you say things like that.”

Alec nodded, taking Magnus’ hands into his own. “I’m going to say it every day.” Alec turned serious as he added, “Forever, if you want it.”

“Besides,” Izzy said as she flopped down on Alec’s bed apparently oblivious to Magnus’ dark comments, “You and I both know, Alec’s the only person who has an early enough edition of Gray’s Anatomy to feature the illustrations you need.”

“They’re too valuable for any libraries to stock before about the 18th edition,” Magnus agreed with a sigh as he approached Alec’s bookshelves brushing his fingers lightly over the soft leather spine, tracing the gilded letters which identified it as a hallowed second edition.

“You said you’ve tried every other option, Magnus, and your essay is due in tonight. It’s not like you can just call and ask him. Even if by some miracle he isn’t still in the remote mountain villages in Timor-Leste then he’ll be in transit. You know as well as I do that any time he gets funded flights it means he’s on a stopping all stations round the world tour of obscure airports. Even if you managed to get a message to him, there’s no guarantee he’d be able to get an answer back in time.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed easing the book gently out from between its neighbours and cradling it close to his chest. He wanted Alec home but he also half-dreaded the idea that the tension that had grown like a wedge between them might still be there. “Thank you, Isabelle. I guess I’d better go finish my essay. You’ll let me know if you hear from him?”

“Of course! Hopefully this time he’ll remember to let us know before he boards the last plane so we can meet him at the airport, I know Max is dying to use the latest sign he’s made.”

Magnus laughed, thinking of Max’s ever-expanding stack of ‘Welcome Home Alec’ signs. At this point, they’d need to bring everyone they knew in order to hold up even half of them.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

[Throughout human history there have been many iterations of the symbol which represents the human heart. The first non-medical European illustration of the heart is thought to be a drawing accompanying the medieval French poem Le Roman De La Poire circa 1255 however it was not until the early 1500s that the familiar shape made its appearance...

...but why does this symbol bear so little resemblance to the human anatomy it represents? There are plenty of theories, the most prominent one being that most of our ‘knowledge’ of human anatomy in the 13th and 14th centuries was based on animal biology, in particular reptiles, which much more closely resemble the familiar scalloped shape of the heart icon. The ability of early physicians to view or study the human body was fiercely regulated and controlled - with many unable to view a single dissection let alone partake in the kind of labs that are a standard part of modern medical tuition. As such, Henry Gray’s seminal work Gray’s Anatomy, first published in 1858, was a turning point in the depiction of the human heart…]

Magnus' fingers stilled on his keyboard as he glanced again at the book he’d brought back to his apartment almost four hours earlier. It was ridiculous but he still hadn’t opened it. The thing was, he hadn’t told Izzy the whole truth. Yes, this essay was for his History of Medicine subject and accounted for almost a third of his grade but it was also final piece of his application to join Médecins Sans Frontières’ new project, working in the new hospital Alec had spent the past year helping local engineers design and build. Alec would be going back for another whole year to support the development of sustainable water supply for the school and the rest of the village. Following your best friend halfway around the world was madness, especially when things had never been quite the same between them since last year’s Yule Ball.

~ Morning After the Yule Balle: 19th December 2017 ~

Magnus came to slowly, groaning as he peeled gritty eyes open just long enough to take in the couch and apartment around him before squeezing them shut again. It wasn’t the first time since becoming friends with the Lightwoods three years earlier that he’d woken up on their sofa but the blinding headache was new. So was the fact that he couldn’t for the life of him remember how he’d gotten back here. He barely remembered any of the Yule Ball. Burying his head further in the soft pillows Magnus vowed never to mix first-generation antihistamines and alcohol again.  

“Breakfast?”

Magnus’ eyes snapped open his lips curling at the corners as he took in the sight of Alec setting a breakfast tray on the coffee table beside him. The man really was an angel sometimes.

“I figured you’d need something to help wash down the aspirin,” Alec said, smiling back as he reached over and placed two pills on Magnus’ palm, following it with a glass of water.

“My hero,” Magnus said, downing the tablets and finally tearing his eyes from Alec and focusing on the food in front of him. “You made me blueberry pancakes, Alexander? That’s not exactly standard hangover fare. If you were anyone else I’d think you were trying to seduce me with your culinary skills.”

Magnus grinned at the way Alec’s cheeks heated at the suggestion and he became suddenly fascinated with his boots. Whatever the cause, Magnus wasn’t complaining - in fact, he almost moaned as he took that first blissful bite of pancake. Alec really would make an excellent husband to someone one of these days. Too bad there wasn’t any handy mistletoe or he might...Magnus’ thoughts ground to a sudden halt as he suddenly remembered kissing someone under the mistletoe last night at the ball. It hadn’t been a typical crappy holiday season hook-up either, it had been incredible. He found himself describing it to Alec as he ate: the way her lips had felt against his, passionate and wild yet somehow also tender as if she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to devour Magnus or worship him. The way her fingers had tightened in his hair, tugging roughly to adjust the angle of his head, deepening the kiss, only for those same clever fingers to send shivers of pure pleasure as they massaged away any last traces of pain. The worst part was, despite remembering every tiny detail of the kiss, he had no memory of the person who’d done the kissing.

“Please Alec, you were there last night you have to help me find her!” Magnus said, looking up beseechingly at his best friend only to realise something was wrong.

At some point during his monologue, the blushing, solicitous angel who’d made him breakfast had been replaced by a stone statue.

“You remember the kiss but don’t remember the-the-the person, at all?” Alec asked harshly his fists clenching at his sides.

Magnus flinched, feeling suddenly ashamed even though he didn’t know why it was such a big deal to Alec if Magnus’ memory had decided to defy logic. Before he’d had a chance to ask, Alec had turned away, his shoulders tense as he’d gathered up the remnants of Magnus’ now cold breakfast.

Tray in hand he’d barely looked at Magnus as he’d apologised, “I can’t do this, Magnus. I-I-I thought -” Alec sighed sounding frustrated but resigned. “I’ve got that application for Engineers Without Borders to finish.”

Magnus tried to get up and follow him into the kitchen but the world still spun horribly when he attempted to stand and he was forced to sit again so he didn’t fall down. The last thing he needed was for an already grumpy Alec to have to bandage his head when he split it open on the sharp corner of his coffee table. Impatiently, he waited for Alec to reappear, which took considerably longer than Magnus had expected.

When at least he came out he headed straight for the door his bag already slung over his shoulder giving every appearance of intending to leave without another word.

“Alec?” Magnus called out after him, wishing his head would stop pounding long enough for him to figure out whatever this was.

Alec turned, his hand resting on the door handle still refusing to meet Magnus’ eyes. “I have to go. Feel free to stay as long as you need.” And then he walked out, closing the door firmly behind him.

Magnus had waited, half expecting at any moment that his best friend would come back and tell him what exactly he’d said that upset him so much. After over an hour, Magnus had to accept the unwelcome fact that Alec wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t answering any of Magnus’ messages either. He knew he was being selfish, knew how important that application was to Alec even though the thought of them being on opposite sides of the globe sounded miserable to Magnus all of a sudden. It would be the first time in almost three years since Izzy and Magnus had met on their first day of med school that they’d have to go more than a few weeks without seeing one another. At present, barely a day went past that they didn’t speak, one way or another, whether it was IM, in person or notes passed via Izzy.

Despite Alec’s continued refusal to discuss anything about the Yule Ball, Magnus had kept looking - amazed to discover that despite there having been hundreds of people at the ball, somehow no one had seen Magnus spending time with any women other than Dot, Cat and Izzy and he was absolutely certain it hadn’t been any of them. He’d even tried to convince the photographer to go through their shots from last night only to discover to that the man was crazy enough to still be using film and hadn’t had time to get the negatives developed yet. Rolling his eyes at the pretentiousness of art students in general, Magnus had hunted on in vain.

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus sighed, running his fingers over the soft leather cover of Gray’s Anatomy. He could still remember the first time Alec had shown it to him. It had been a gift from his grandfather on his mother’s side, the same one that was responsible for Alec’s middle name being ‘Gideon’. He’d apparently been convinced, despite Alec’s complete lack of interest in medicine, that book that had been in their family for generations would inspire Alec to become the next doctor in the family. The meticulous technical drawings the book was famous had inspired him just not to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps. He’d taken his love of the book’s illustrations and developed a fascination for cartography, drafting and surveying, finally settling on a career in engineering. Izzy had told Magnus that Alec had offered her the book when she’d first set her heart on doing medicine but she’d knew she’d never love it the way Alec did. She wanted the modern textbooks, the ones filled with gory colour photographs of real bodies, not the elegant etchings done over a hundred and fifty years earlier.

Magnus, by contrast, had happily indulged Alec’s passion and they’d spent hours pouring through the book together over the years every time Magnus had happened to need to reference one or other of the illustrations as he learnt about the body’s various structures and systems. As much as he’d adored it when Alec bought him a modern copy of Gray’s Anatomy for his birthday he always defaulted back to Alec’s copy with its incredible single-colour woodcut illustrations whenever he could. The text might mostly have become redundant has as medical knowledge changed fundamentally and rapidly over the past century but the illustrations were as important now as they’d ever been.  

He missed Alec. Magnus hadn’t realised how much he’d relied on his presence until his absence left a gaping hole in his life. It’s been almost a year and Alec is still the first person he wants to tell whenever anything happens. He might finally have stopped getting his phone out and staring out compose texts he can’t send but it still aches everytime he remembers Alec’s sat-phone is for emergencies only. Going from talking every day to exchanging infrequent emails had felt worse than some of his breakups. Then again, for the last few years, he’s always had Alec there helping him pick up the pieces whenever a relationship inevitably failed. He’d always scoffed at the adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ but it’s been 355 days since Alec left and he’s sitting at his desk hours before an important assignment is due incapable of completing it because he doesn’t want to open a book that would remind him too much of the man he wants, more than anything else, this Christmas. Too bad he felt certain Alec didn’t feel the same way about him.

Sighing, Magnus opened the cover and scanned the index of illustrations for the one he was looking for. There, under the heading ‘Heart’, the illustration he’d looked everywhere for: ‘Circulation of Blood in an Adult’ directing him to page six hundred and twenty-nine. Picking up the tome Magnus started at the middle and skimmed gently through the pages, slowing when he finally reached the six-hundreds to turn each individual page so as not to miss it. Magnus nearly dropped the book in surprise when he turned the final page and a colour photograph slides out onto the desk.

A single glance is enough to make him forget Gray’s Anatomy, forget the essay he has only hours left to finish and the application he needs to ace. On the desk in front of him is a photograph from last year’s Yule Ball. A photo of him and Alec wrapped tightly in one another’s arms, kissing under the mistletoe.

Chapter 2

I confess,

I loved you more than I let on but you weren’t ready for it and I wasn’t going to pour myself into hands that couldn’t hold me

- Lauren Eden, Of Yesteryear

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Having seen the photo, Magnus wonders how he could possibly have forgotten. He’s spent an entire year comparing every kiss he shared to this one, like Prince Charming with his stupid glass slipper, finding them woefully disappointing by contrast. The thing was, with the exception of giants like Alec, he was tall so it hadn’t occurred to him why the angle always felt off - no matter what he tried. God, he was such an idiot! How could he have ignored what was right in front of him all this time? And why hadn’t Alec said something? But as soon as that thought occurred to him, he knew exactly why.

Who in their right mind would confess when the object of their affection not only didn’t remember them but had also somehow misgendered them in the process. Magnus felt physically ill as their conversation the next morning replayed in his head with full 5.1 surround sound, complete with high definition technicolour images of Alec’s transformation from breakfast baring angel to the stony-faced statue he’d been by the time he left the apartment. The fact Alec had hidden the photo here, in his most treasured book under the heading ‘Heart’ made the tears that had welled up unnoticed spill out over his cheeks.

With shaking fingers Magnus picked the photo up off the desk, the knife in his heart twisting as he realised they were both smiling as they kissed. Steeling himself, he flipped the photo drawing in a sharp breath as he saw the inscription in Alec’s familiar all-caps handwriting and in smaller text printed directly onto the photo, the photographer's details.

‘A NIGHT TO REMEMBER’ MAGNUS BANE & ALEC LIGHTWOOD YULE BALL 18TH DEC 2017

PHOTOGRAPHER: J. GHAMSARI  - EDITION: 1/1 - PRINTED: 24TH DEC 2017

He’d thought nothing could make this situation worse, but one glance at the date the photo had been printed made Magnus want the ground to open beneath his feet to transport him straight to hell. Alec had tried to tell him and Magnus had unintentionally broken his heart a second time instead. By the time Magnus had realised his mistake, Alec had already left the country.

~ December 24th, 2017 ~

Magnus groaned when he heard the doorbell, it would probably be carollers but as the only person home the night before Christmas Magnus had promised his housemates he wouldn’t let any last minute parcels go unsigned for. Snatching his shirt up from where it lay discarded beside the sofa and buttoning it haphazardly Magnus made his way down the long passage to the front door, stunned to see it was Alec standing on the sill, a thick manilla envelope clasped in one hand.

“Alec, what are you doing here? I thought you would have gone back home for what’s left of the holidays,” Magnus said noticing the way Alec’s eyes lingered on his exposed chest a beat longer than they usually would before darting away.

“It’s - uh, it’s about last week,” Alec paused, threading his fingers roughly through his hair in that familiar tell of mental agitation. “Look, you’ve got every reason to be mad at me. The next morning, after the Yule Ball - I know I should have-”

“Allowed me to drag you halfway ‘round NYU on a wild goose chase when neither of us had any idea who we were looking for?” Magnus interrupted smoothly, laughing softly. “I should never have asked, Alec, I know how important getting that internship application in was to you. Besides, it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“It doesn’t?” Alec asked roughly, his gaze piercing as he froze in place.

“Surely you know me better than to think I’d let it rest until I found out, Alexander?”

“You - you’ve remembered?” Alec asked, looking suddenly paler.

“Not exactly. But Camille - you remember her from the presentation night for the Medical Prize, don’t you? She found out I was looking for her and admitted she’d been my mysterious stranger all along. Apparently, my crush wasn’t so unrequited after all. So you see, it’s all worked out. She’s coming around later tonight if you wanted to stay and meet her?”

“No.”

Magnus’ head snapped back, surprised by the vehemence in that single word but before he had a chance to do more than raise an eyebrow, Alec had continued.

“I mean, I’d be interrupting your evening plans. I should let you -” Alec paused again, his teeth sinking into his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. “I have to go. Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Wait, Alec!” Magnus called out, hating this sudden chill between them as Alec turned away. “Surely you didn’t just come here to apologise. You should stay, have a drink with me. It is Christmas after all.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Well, can you at least tell me when we’re catching up next?” Magnus asked, suddenly feeling the need to make sure he hadn’t somehow irrevocably ruined the friendship without even realising it. “I know you had planned to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your family but seeing as you’re still here...”

“Actually, I, um. I got offered the internship with Engineers Without Borders,” Alec muttered, shifting his feet.

“Alexander! That’s fantastic, now you have to come in and have a drink with me, tell me all about it. Where they’re sending you, for how long - I want to know everything!” Instinctive Magnus reached out, tugging on the arm of Alec’s long black coat. It hurt when instead of smiling Alec pulled away.

“I fly out January 1st. I’ll be gone all year. It’s - I’ll be living in one of the mountain villages in Timor-Leste, they’ve got a new project to build a hospital there and if things go well, I can stay to work on securing the town’s water supply the year after. They said they’d try and get me back in time for next Christmas. So I - um - I have to go. You know, packing and everything.”

Every other time Alec’s said anything about the project his passion had been radiant, which meant these clipped sentences and flat tone had to be Magnus’ fault. Magnus cursed the Yule Ball, cursed the fact he couldn’t even abandon his plans with Camille because he hadn’t thought to get her number. Cursed the fact he was meant to be going away with Cat and Ragnor to have New Year's Eve at Cat’s family’s Chalet. So this was it? Alec was leaving the country in a few days for an entire year and Magnus wouldn’t get to see him again till next Christmas?

“At least let me take you out to the airport, Alec,” Magnus said, throwing caution to the wind and jettisoning his New Year's plans.

“But-” Alec began, displaying that adorable furrowed brow of his.

“Nothing is more important than seeing my best friend off on the trip of a lifetime,” Magnus assured him. “I’ll be at that airport whether you let me drive you or not. I’m not below blackmailing Izzy into telling me so you may as well just accept it.”

Alec’s rueful smile was like sunshine, the man he recognised peeking out from behind the rigid facade he was putting up.

“You really want to get up at six in the morning just to see me off at the gate?” Alec asked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“I’ll be on your doorstep at five,” Magnus shot back, his lips automatically curling to match Alec’s.

“If you’re late I’m leaving without you,” Alec threatened sliding back into their familiar banter without even seeming to realise he was doing it.

“Okay.”

“Okay. You’re on.” Alec nodded, holding Magnus’ gaze before saying softly, “Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Merry Christmas, Alexander.”

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus needed a drink.

His crush on Camille had been madness and she’d played him for the fool he was. She’d strung him along for almost 3 weeks after ‘confessing’ to being his mysterious mistletoe kiss. She’d made a game out of kissing him everywhere except his lips, correctly assuming that he’d realise the minute their lips met that something was off. He’d been so caught up in wanting it to be her, wanting to believe that she felt the way he did about her. But even she’d tired of that game eventually, laughing at his naivety when she’d finally revealed she hadn’t even noticed him at the Yule Ball, she’d just thought it would be fun to see how long she could string him along because surely the top medical student couldn’t be that stupid? Well, apparently he was. He’d spilled the whole humiliating affair out in one of his emails to Alec. It makes perfect sense now that Alec had barely referenced the whole mess when he’d finally replied over a week later. Then again, it wasn’t like Alec had super reliable internet at the best of times, so it could also be that Magnus was projecting.

Getting up, Magnus paced over to the drinks cart, skipping his usual ice and pouring whiskey liberally into the waiting tumbler. Tossing it back in a single swallow Magnus tried to figure out what to do. It’s been a whole year since that photograph had been taken, it’d hardly be surprising if the intervening time had been enough to thoroughly destroy whatever feelings Alec might once have had for him. Did he really want to risk destroying their friendship a second time?

Yes.

The answer was immediate. He was in love with Alexander Lightwood and he had to know if there was any chance to make this work. Hell, he’d been prepared to follow the man to the other side of the world without the tiniest shred of real evidence to justify his hopes, now at least he knew it was possible. There had been real passion in that kiss and tenderness in the breakfast he’d made for him the next morning. He just hoped Alec was willing to give him a chance to show just how much he wanted that future.

Nuzzling his face in Magnus’ neck, Alec shook his head. “I just want to take advantage of our time off classes.”

“It’s still early,” Magnus griped, flailing his hand around on the bedside table until he could get a hold of his wand that he flicked carelessly to close the little slit in the curtains. “Too bright.”

“But it’s snowing,” Alec whispered, smiling as he kissed languidly at his collarbone, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin.

With a final groan of resignation, Magnus sat up, running a hand through the soft, droopy strands of his hair. “You’re relentless, Alexander.” He pulled his boxer briefs on and then stood, looking for his robe before he gave up searching by hand. “Accio,” he murmured, catching the silk fabric in one hand.

The way the sunlight came through the window cast little rainbows across his body where it hit the angled cuts on the glass. One was on the high point of his cheekbone, and it made Alec smile.

Pulling back his side of the curtain, Alec put on his sweats and a t-shirt before rounding the foot of the bed and pulling Magnus in against his chest.

He could feel the smile on Magnus’ lips where his face pressed against his cheek, and he wrinkled his nose playfully at the excessively noisy kiss Magnus planted on him. “Let’s go sit by the fireplace and warm up,” Alec suggested, sliding his hand down Magnus’ arm to intertwine their fingers and pull him along.

“I don’t think I can say no to that,” Magnus admitted, allowing himself to be led down the winding stairs out of the boys’ dormitory and into the common room.

Alec had become as comfortable in the Ravenclaw common room as he was in his own house’s, evidenced by the way he went to the fireplace to stoke it, then took a blanket from the pile next to the chairs to toss across Magnus’ lap before taking a seat next to him on the loveseat.

Magnus smiled at him affectionately, and the feeling of his fingers tenderly carding through Alec’s hair earned him a sound akin to a purr. “All that hurry just to lie back down? You’re a menace,” he teased.

“Do you want something to drink?” Alec asked, pointedly ignoring Magnus’ jibe and reaching for the serving tray on the end table that had empty mugs and magically refilling carafes of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate.

“Hot chocolate.” Magnus immediately took his hot mug and cradled it against his chest when Alec offered it to him, cupping it with both hands.

After pouring himself a cup of coffee, Alec sat back under Magnus’ arm, pressing a kiss to the round of his shoulder. “I was thinking we could go into Hogsmeade today. Do some Christmas shopping.”

“That sounds marvelous,” Magnus smiled, running his index finger around the rim of his mug thoughtfully. “I’ve got a few more last minute gifts to buy.”

“You’re behind on your Christmas shopping?” Alec asked incredulously, eyebrows raised high on his forehead. “The world must be coming to an end.”

Magnus snorted in faux offense, waving off Alec’s comment. “You’re one to talk—you spend entirely too long planning your list, leaving all the shopping for the very last minute.”

“Hey lovebirds,” a voice interrupted, coming from the stairs that led down from the girls’ dormitory. They looked over to see Isabelle, wrapped in a thin kimono that only partially covered her nightgown and wearing luxuriously fuzzy slippers. She had an affectionate smirk on her face when she dropped into the armchair across from them. “You’re up early. I thought you’d be taking advantage of nearly the entire school clearing out for the holidays to roll around in the sheets all day.”

Magnus nodded, looking down into his cup coyly. “If I’d had my way…”

“We’ve got shopping to get done,” Alec interrupted, “and today’s the perfect time to go to Hogsmeade.”

Twisting her hair around into a loose knot at the base of her skull, Isabelle reached for a mug of her own that she filled with tea. “Sounds romantic.”

“What about you? I thought you’d be sleeping until at least noon.” Alec took a sip of his coffee, the steam fogging the inner corners of his lenses.

“I’m not going to let the empty common room go to waste,” she explained, pulling her wand from the bodice of her nightgown and flicking it. A pile of boxes of varying sizes stacked themselves beside the leg of her chair. “I’ve got plenty of Christmas wrapping to do, I promised Mom and Max that I would call via Floo Network, and Clary and I were going to play a few games of Wizard’s Chess. With everyone gone, I can do all of that right here with minimal interruptions.” The silver serpent bracelet on her wrist suddenly slithered to life, coiling up her forearm slowly. After a one tap against it with the tip of her wand, it retreated back down and froze in place. “Right on schedule.”

Alec laughed, setting his empty mug back on the table. “We’ll leave you to it then.” Looking over at Magnus finishing the contents of his own, he said, “I’m going to head to my dorm to get my things.”

Nodding, Magnus gave him a kiss that mingled the tastes of their beverages into a pleasant combination that lingered on his tongue. “I’ll meet you outside the Great Hall.”

Just before Alec could leave, Isabelle stopped him. “Look up, hermano.” The smug smile on her face took all the surprise out of the realization that above him was a sprig of mistletoe. And even less inconspicuous was the subtle look that she shared with Magnus.

“We can’t argue with tradition,” Magnus said simply, making his way over to Alec and hooking his fingers into the elastic of his pants to pull his hips flush against his own as they shared another kiss, this one a bit more chaste yet sweet.

With a final parting nod to Isabelle, Alec started his trek down to the Slytherin dungeon. He smiled to himself as he jogged down the steps of the changing staircases, running a hand along the side of his neck. Magnus’ parting gift from the previous night had been a love bite the size of a Galleon that had turned into a purplish bruise that was tender to the touch. He pressed on it gently, reveling in the delicious ache.

After giving the password, he crossed over the threshold of the portrait hole and entered the common room. It was completely empty, save for Clary who was curled up on the couch with her sketchbook propped up on her thighs as her charcoal flew over the paper. Her eyebrows were drawn in concentration, but she glanced up at the sound of someone entering.

“Hey,” she greeted, smiling warmly.

“Is everyone else gone?” Alec asked, sitting on the ottoman across from her.

She nodded, tucking loose hair from her ponytail behind her ear. “Mostly. And Simon’s gone too according to the Hufflepuff prefect I ran into at breakfast—he left yesterday to spend Hanukkah with his family. Maia stayed though, but she’s working today.”

“Oh,” Alec said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Magnus and I will have to drop by The Three Broomsticks and say hi.”

“You guys going to Hogsmeade? The weather’s great for that today, with the first snow and everything.” Getting to her feet and flexing her toes in her thick wool socks, Clary ambled over to the fireplace, holding her hands out for warmth. “It’s cold enough that I think I’m staying in, though.”

“You’re hanging out with Izzy, so I doubt you’ll be bored,” Alec pointed out, heading towards the boys’ dormitory. “She’s waiting for you in the Ravenclaw common room whenever you want to drop by.”

“Good to know,” Clary laughed.

When he got back to his room, Alec traded in his glasses and lounge wear for a forest green wool sweater, jeans, and combat boots. His hair was nearly impossible to tame, hopelessly tousled, so he pulled on a beanie as an afterthought before stuffing his wand into his back pocket and making his way to the entrance hall.

Magnus was already waiting for him, leaning against one of the pillars outside the Great Hall with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his long coat. As soon as he caught sight of Alec, his face broke into a warm smile that set Alec’s heart off beating rapidly in his chest. Warmth spread underneath his skin and coalesced in his hands with a pleasant tingling sensation. Alec couldn’t imagine a time in the future when he wouldn’t be struck by his extraordinary luck to be the recipient of the affection of a man like Magnus. He never knew it could feel this way to be looked at with such tenderness; never knew that his heart could pound against his rib cage in a way that made him certain everyone could hear it, that his entire body would feel like it was vibrating with an untamable electricity that coursed through him completely.

“Hey there pretty boy,” Magnus greeted smoothly, pressing a kiss to Alec’s temple. “Ready to go?”

Alec took his hand in response, giving an encouraging smile.

As soon as they were out the doors, they were getting covered in snowflakes—some got caught in their eyelashes and nestled in their hair while others landed on their skin only to melt from the body heat radiating from them.

Hogwarts was at its most beautiful in winter, Alec thought. The glaze of snow that covered everything made it look so picturesque. He’d never minded the cold, or trudging through some snow, so he relished every opportunity to wander the grounds in the midst of it all.

Magnus didn’t seem to mind either, taking in the white-dusted paths, trees, and buildings with a content smile.

They didn’t talk for a few minutes, lapsing into comfortable silence. Simply holding hands, feeling their mingled pulses pounding, was satisfaction enough sometimes. Words were always valuable to Alec—there were so many conversations that he’d shared with Magnus that had been tucked away in his heart for safekeeping—but the times they didn’t speak to one another but still shared in each other’s space almost felt even more intimate.

There had been an innate sense of ease they felt all the way down to their bones from the very beginning.

Alec had first seen Magnus at the Sorting in his first year. He’d sat down on the stool and looked out at the sea of attentive faces and was taken aback by one boy in particular. He couldn’t remember ever having seen someone so beautiful. When he was sorted into Slytherin, he hoped beyond hope that the boy would join him, and was admittedly disappointed when he wasn’t, but on his way to the Ravenclaw table, their eyes had met. The softest, prettiest smile spread across the boy’s lips, and Alec didn’t think he would ever forget it. They had a handful of classes together but barely spoke beyond an occasional greeting or pardon, though they shared kind smiles and nods every now and then.

Things were much the same as second years, timid but interested.

By the time they were third years, Alec finally took the plunge after sharing half a bottle of Gigglewater with Isabelle for her birthday. He’d asked Magnus if he would be interested in studying together in the library sometime, and Magnus had charitably overlooked the nervous ambiguity and accepted, offering a day and time. They only studied for the first ten minutes before they devolved into unrelated chit chat. Alec had never had conversation come so easily with someone he’d hardly spoken to, and was surprised at how quickly his responses and questions came. Studying in the library became study dates, which became coffee dates in Hogsmeade, which became late night conversations in the common rooms, which became something wonderful and undeniably real.

At the start of their fourth year, they were officially a couple, following a summer that they spent nearly every minute of together. They’d shared their first kiss, Alec’s first kiss, which was nothing like he’d imagined but everything he had hoped it could be. They spent many a night sleeping beside one another under the stars, and many mornings watching the sunrise while they drank their coffee.  

They’d been together ever since, and now, in their last year at Hogwarts, they wanted to enjoy every minute they had to be together in the simple little bubble they’d been in since the day they’d met.

A cold snowflake that slid down the back of Alec’s neck made him jump, startling him out of his thoughts. “The snow’s picking up,” he remarked, breaking the silence.

Magnus stopped for a moment, reaching down to pull his wand from where it was tucked into his boot, and held it up as he murmured a spell under his breath, a translucent bubble that resembled an umbrella emerged from the tip. It was wide enough for them to both fit comfortably beneath it, but he didn’t hesitate to wrap his hand around Alec’s upper arm and pull him close.

Chuckling warmly, Alec pressed his face to Magnus’ temple, earning a playful swat.

“Your nose is cold,” Magnus complained.

Surging forward, Alec leaned into him more insistently, following Magnus’ closely even as he tried to move away. “But you’re so warm.”

“I’ll buy you as many Butterbeers as your heart desires to warm you up,” Magnus offered, finally managing to keep Alec at bay. “As soon as we’re done with our shopping.”

Hogsmeade was relatively quiet despite the holiday season, and Magnus and Alec intended to take full advantage of it. They went from store to store, their pockets growing lighter as their bags became heavier with gifts. Two hours later, with heavy limbs and a plethora of baggage, they dragged themselves to The Three Broomsticks.

Magnus chose a table for two near the back of the pub, next to one of the Christmas trees. While Alec arranged their purchases on the floor beside them, he went to the bar to order their drinks and returned with a plate of pumpkin pasties. Alec’s favorite.

Holding one out to Alec, Magnus encouraged him to take a bite before taking one of his own. “Mm, they’ve really outdone themselves. I’m already anticipating putting on at least twenty pounds from all the holiday foods.”

Alec laughed, finishing the remainder of the first pasty in one bite. “It’ll be so worth the stomachache.”

“Two Butterbeers for the gents.” Maia stood above them, her tray anchored against her hip as she set their drinks in front of them. Her bracelets clinked against one another with her movements.

“How’s the holiday traffic?” Alec asked her, running his fingers down the side of his tumbler to collect a small drip of butterscotch.

Letting out a long suffering sigh, Maia shook her head. “You wouldn’t believe how busy we’ve been. You’ve caught us at a slower time, shockingly. I’ve been on my feet for so long I think I could collapse at any minute.”

Holding up his hand, Magnus fanned out his fingers and then twisted them slightly, revealing a Galleon. He’d always been fond of muggle magic tricks, and Alec couldn’t deny that he greatly enjoyed watching it.

Maia grinned, reaching for the coin as he held it out to her. “Next visit is on the house for you, sir.” With a wink, she turned and made her way back to the bar.

After a hearty gulp of his drink, Alec set down his glass only for Magnus to dissolve into a fit of laughter. Managing to compose himself, Magnus reached across the table and swept his thumb across Alec’s upper lip, collecting the soft foam. “I don’t think a mustache is quite your look,” he explained, struggling to keep a straight face.

“Izzy used to insist we put whipped cream on our hot chocolate when we were little so we could all have mustaches. She thought it was the funniest thing,” Alec reminisced, shaking his head with a smile. “Max thought she was a genius, of course.”

Magnus reached across the table to cradle the back of Alec’s hand tenderly. “How has he been doing with your parents’ separation?”

There was a part of Alec that had been dreading when Magnus inevitably asked about the divorce, because no matter how hard he tried to be the strong and silent eldest child who made sure all the others were taken care of, he still hurt watching a piece of his family begin to crumble. The other part of him, however, desperately wanted to confide in Magnus—he was the one person Alec didn’t feel he had to hide or water down his feelings for. Having someone take care of him was a new phenomenon, and he couldn’t deny that he liked the comfort and yearned for it, in spite of his proclivity for denying himself for the sake of others.

“He’s…struggling,” Alec hedged, eyes down. “For the most part, he’s going through this alone. Izzy, Jace, and I are together here, but he’s still at home where he has to watch their marriage come apart at the seams.” He paused for a moment. “That’s why Izzy arranged to speak with him today. We’re trying our best to be there for him as much as we can but it’s only doing so much. Mom said she’d rather we stay here for the holidays so we don’t have to be around for it too, so we won’t even be with him then.”

Magnus’ grip tightened on Alec’s hand, causing Alec to meet his gaze. “You’re doing the best you know how to, Alexander,” he said kindly. His eyes were warm and gentle, and looking into them gave Alec a sense of momentary peace. “You can’t carry the burden for all your siblings. Your pain alone is hard enough to carry. You’re all doing the most important thing you can, and that’s to stand by one another.”

With a wry smile, Alec nodded in agreement. “You’re right. I just wish there was more I could do.”

“Alexander… Defender of man. You can’t forsake the importance of your own wellbeing.”

“I’ll work on that,” Alec replied, picking up another pasty from the tray.

It didn’t take long to finish off a second round of drinks as well as the remainder of the pastries, leaving them sufficiently warmed and sated.

“Before I forget,” Alec began, reaching into his coat for the small wrapped box he’d carefully kept a hand on all afternoon, “I have something I want to give you.”

Magnus rolled his eyes playfully. “My birthday isn’t for a week, and Christmas is still a ways away.”

“I know, but this was something that I…I didn’t want to wait on.”

Seeming to pick up on the more serious tone Alec had taken, Magnus sat up straighter and leaned across the table towards him. “Okay.”

Alec slid the small package, about the size of a music box, across the tabletop towards him. “It’s not much but I really wanted you to have it,” he said, like a disclaimer.

Magnus waved off his self-deprecation and carefully undid the bow and wrapping paper to reveal a square glass container. Inside of it was a filmy blue wisp that was nearly transparent. It began to swirl slowly and grew into something with definite shape—limbs, body, head, and tail. It was a white panther, pacing lazily in his box before standing still and lowering its head in deference to him. “It’s beautiful,” Magnus breathed, looking back up at Alec.

“I wanted you to know. I wanted you to be the first one I told.” Alec pulled his wand out, clutching it with a slightly shaky hand. “My patronus changed its form.” Before he could scare himself out of it, Alec murmured “Expecto patronum” under his breath. Soft wisps of blue burst from the tip of his wand and amalgamated into a larger version of the white panther, gracefully running in the air above them before slowing to a stop above Alec’s left shoulder.

Ever since mastering the patronus charm in fourth year, Alec’s had taken the form of a stallion. He’d grown so accustomed to it that during the previous week when he’d cast it to send a message to Isabelle, he was shocked to see a white panther glowing before him. It resembled Magnus’ patronus in every way, save for its coloring. Magnus’ patronus had always been a black panther, as sleek and graceful as he was.

Alec had heard the rumors that a patronus could adapt its form, but he had thought it was simply that—a rumor. And for some, a silly love story. When one’s greatest happiness became tied to another, that was reflected in their magic but it was still hard for Alec to believe it was possible. Much less that it would happen to him. Yet it had.

“Alexander…” Magnus shook his head, touching the side of the glass container adoringly.

“I harnessed a small piece of the magic produced when I thought of my happiest memory, captured it for you in its truest form. It changed for you, Magnus. Because of you.” Alec could feel the slight heat rising in his cheeks, but he pressed on. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too,” Magnus replied without missing a beat. He spoke sincerely, and it made Alec’s heart feel as if it were being squeezed tightly in his chest. Placing his fingers under Alec’s chin, he guided their mouths together and kissed him, slow and warm and languid. “Thank you for such a beautiful gift,” he whispered when they parted, his lips brushing Alec’s as he spoke. “And,” he continued, sitting back and reaching for his things, “I have to confess I have a gift for you as well that I didn’t plan to wait to give to you. And now, it seems particularly apropos.” He produced a small, flat box from the confines of his messenger bag.

“Magnus, you definitely didn’t—”

“I know,” Magnus interjected. “I really wanted to. Trust me.”

Lifting the lid revealed a long, delicate silver chain on which a round silver pendant the size of a Knut hung. An engraving of an anatomical heart was meticulously carved into the cold metal, and Alec traced it gently. Oddly, it seemed to be throbbing faintly as if blood were truly coursing through it.

“I’ve imbued it with a bit of my own heart, so to speak,” Magnus explained. “A binding spell between my heart and that one allows it to replicate my heartbeat when you touch it. It can only be activated by you.”

Slipping it over his head hastily, Alec relished the feeling of the pendant settling against his sternum, pounding a pulse that acted as perfect counterpoint to his own. “I love it, Magnus. I love you.”

“Merry Christmas, my love,” Magnus replied, reaching for Alec’s hands with both of his.

Clasping them tightly, Alec brought them to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

It was nightfall when they returned to the castle. With the nights getting shorter and shorter, it was truly not very late when it became dark enough the lamp posts that lined the grounds came to life.

“It’s still early,” Alec began, grabbing the lapels of Magnus’ coat to pull him close, “and I’m sure Izzy and Clary would like us out of the way a bit longer.”

Magnus considered the offer with a thoughtful hum. “What did you have in mind to keep us occupied?”

“How about a soak in the prefect’s bathtub?” Alec suggested, nuzzling against Magnus’ face affectionately.

The warm chuckle Magnus released made Alec smile. “You like to break the rules, don’t you?”

“It’s only half a rule break,” Alec justified, leaning back to look at him. “I am a prefect. You’re not.”

“Well, I’m happy to take responsibility for my end.” With that, Magnus took Alec’s hand and pulled him towards the staircases.

They attempted to smother their laughter with kisses and gentle shushing with fingertips ghosting over mouths as they stumbled their way to the fifth floor.

After murmuring the password, Alec passed over the threshold with Magnus close behind. The enormous tub sat beside the large stained glass window that was beginning to catch moonlight and refract it onto the smooth surface. The candles in the mounted candelabras came alive with bright flames, and with a flick of Alec’s wand, the pipes began to rattle as hot water and bubbles came streaming out.

“Shall I take care of our shopping bags?” Magnus asked, shedding his coat and letting it fall to the ground.

“Allow me.” With a flick of Alec’s wrist, their spoils were sent to their respective rooms.

As the water began to flood the tub and steam began to fill the room, making the air thick, Magnus and Alec shed their clothes. Roaming hands, tender fingers, and petal pink mouths kissed at both the scarred and unblemished patches of skin that were revealed.

Running the pads of his fingers over the top of the water to test the temperature, Magnus nodded. “It feels wonderful.”

“After you.” Alec touched his necklace thoughtfully, about to remove it, but the rhythmic thud that pounded against his chest dissuaded him. Stepping in after him, he settled against the edge and closed his eyes. The heat made his skin tingle at the sudden change in temperature, but he welcomed it.

The sound of water splashing and the spatter of water droplets coaxed him into looking at Magnus, who was running his hands over his water-slicked hair with his back to Alec. Small jewels of water slid down the sharp bones of his shoulder blades as well as the straight line of his spine. “You prefects are lucky bastards,” he remarked, looking over his shoulder at Alec. “I never knew what I was missing.” Sinking down lower, he submerged himself in bubbles up to his sharp collarbones.

Alec crooked his finger in a come here gesture. “I’m always happy to share with you.”

With a self-satisfied smile, Magnus glided over to him and pressed their chests flush against each other. “What a generous offer. I fully intend to take complete advantage of it, you know.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Magnus looked at him, seeming to ponder the face of his love. “You’re what I want,” he said simply.