Sometimes, in the middle of some perfectly useless afternoon, between answering a message and watching the light die against the wall, it happens: maybe we will never get to be with the person we want most.
No, maybe is a coward’s word, one of those little words we use so the truth will not bite through the tongue, sometimes we simply won’t. The person will go on breathing somewhere, buying cigarettes, losing sleep, taking off their clothes for somebody else, the same body our hands still remember, every scar, every warm hollow, every stupid sacred inch, the crooked teeth, while we answer emails, pay bills, laugh at dinner, fuck other people, grow older, all those vulgar little things the living do when they have not had the decency to die from wanting.
And then? Tuesday, Wednesday, rain against the glass, milk gone sour in the fridge, some song beginning at exactly the wrong hour. They say life goes on. Of course it does, the filthy thing, dragging us along by the hair while somewhere the person we wanted most is laughing with someone else, being tired with someone else, saying come to bed to someone else.
And we go on too, I suppose. Half everything, answering when spoken to. But carrying where, tell me, carrying where this enormous, useless, still warm love for the one person we will never have again?









