Perhaps this makes me out to be poseur or something, even though I've worked on some form of comics for over two decades now, and very seriously as my main focus for one decade.

I may not have anything finished under my belt, but it doesnt mean I'm not experienced. But I say all this to say that I am having a problem still with this first page.

Even though this is my passion, even though I was excited to make this comic, even though I was antsy to get to it already after years of preparations going nowhere. Even with this being the thing I love so much I want it to be my literal job, even though that's the most wild, probably never going to happen thing for me ever....even then with all my love, passion and desire to make this thing.......

I can't help but wonder what it means when I can't get through a day working on a page because I get so bored with it.

I tried drawing the Casino, and something about it was so tedious and mind numbing that I couldnt keep forcing myself to work on it. I was seriously considering going back to sleep at one point.

I feel really really really bad about this for obvious reasons, and even more confused about it all for the same reasons. Why is it so boring? Is it better to force myself to do this thing I hate, or is it being so boring indicative of some problem with how I was making it in the first place, and I should start over and think about this first page in a different way?

The opening of both Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal are different, yes, but only slightly so. P5R's opening is in essence a microcosm of itself, in that it just make things a bit nicer, and adds more. In any case, whether it be the original, Royal, the anime or even the Stage play... that opening Casino heist scene is exciting, enticing, intriguing and iconic.

I debated whether or not to cut it and start with Ren being beaten and interrogated after he gets caught, instead, but I thought it was just too damn iconic not to start with the Casino heist.

But somehow trying to draw the Casino itself is like pulling teeth, and I just REALLY dont know why.

And yeah, I've never been a HUGE background person, shocker. I do, at least at the moment (or more accurately, earlier before I felt so tired) feel more excited to/ready to draw the characters rather than the background art... but the background art is where I can show my love for more painty art, while still making the characters look rather solid.

Should I approach this from a different angle?

I can't exactly take a break when I havent even started on it yet, so that's not really an option. I wanted to start this NOW.

The drawing of Dragon Child Issue 10 has begun! Feels good to be making progress.

This is going to sound bad. Probably annoying to those of you who still stick around my crazy ass.

But... Even though I was and in many ways still am antsy to get to Persona 5's comic adaptation, and getting back to comics in general, and even though I have already decided to not let preparations be a roadblock, so long as I let my love of these games portray them in as best a manner that still lets their truest light shine through, even when I AM changing certain aspects -- such as age genericizing, setting these vaguely in the 1970s, (and what parts of the story are affected by this, finding alternatives that let the story plausibly more forward in more-or-less the same or a similar way) and various cosmetic differences here and there. As well as the usual differences that are completely unavoidable by the very nature of adapting a video game to a comic....

I am completely frozen right now. I keep finding myself, even after I decided on a way around the whole issue with the panels (That is, just drawing them myself anyways, or using line tools for that instead of the actual panel tools since they dont seem to work with me -- as well as using a couple of comic strips as a guide for how big/small the gutters should usually be) , to be avoiding drawing today. Not just for the comic, but for anything.

I told myself "Hey I'l just draw something else then, but found myself inherently putting it off. I instead played more Persona Q, which is a persona game, but it can't be said is research for this. Especially since the P5 cast doesnt show up in the original Persona Q, just Q2. and even then, this was post OG Persona 5. Violet isnt there. Not without being modded in to replace Noir, anyways.

Speaking of Noir, thats the only really big roadblock I have right now. I need to figure out where to find a 3D model of just her hat, or a hat just like it to use for reference material, or even as a traceover object. But it shouldnt be an obstacle NOW, because Noir as a Phantom Thief doesnt show up until the 5th Palace, about halfway into the game. the very very end of the 5th Palace is where I'd consider the "end" point of Persona 5 Royal begins. Its pretty deep into the story, and I could easilly begin this comic without it.... but for some reason I can't move. I just keep coming up with excuses and not wanting to do it.

At first I realized I hadnt taken my meds yet, and figured that was it. But I've taken them now, and time has passed, and I still cant manage to pick up my pen for anything.

Am I that nervous? I really am excited to work on this. But then why am I struggling to force myself to actually work on it today? I can see how annoying and bad this might look on the outside. I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me. Is this what they call "blank page syndrome"? Or is it something else?

A. Spending forever making things like character sheets and other reference materials, taking your time to finely craft all the things you'll need ahead of time, doing research and gathering things, making sure you are FULLY ready........but then it takes forever before you are actually working on a comic, and you feel miserable and are worried that no one cares, and its hard to not feel like time is passing you by. You just want to make the damn thing already. Its been years!

or

B. Not working on any of that, and instead just jumping in and winging it. Using your previous pages as you go as reference material, and risk it not being as good, because you'd rather not wait forever before you're actually making something. Both because you are miserable, but also because you dont have any recent examples of your work to show anyone, and also also you just want to make something and finish it before you die. And this world is so shitty, you just want to feel fulfilled. But without all that prep, will it be worse?