Frozen Tides

“But first, tell me where Cleo is.” Jonas said.

“Cleo,” Magnus repeated. “Yes, of course you’d be one of the privileged few who don’t address her by her royal title, being allies and all.”

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AM

INCONSOLABLE

Summary: Cleo has a panic attack due to the rain, caused by an event from her past. Magnus wonders the inn, only to come across Cleo in her state of panic, guilt overcomes him and he tries to help her overcome her fears. Rated K+

She had once liked the rain. But now, things are different. She now hated the rain. Every time she heard it pounding against the roof, every time she saw it splatter on the windows, a sense of fear crept into her stomach. And that hadn’t changed when she heard the beating of it against the roof of the inn. She knew it hardly rained in Paelsia, why did it have to start when she, Magnus, King Gaius, and Selia Damora had arrived? She sighed. She knew the true fear was just beginning.

Cleo pulled her arms around her knees, her back against the wall beside her bed. She felt the grip of terror’s cold hands around her chest, her breath coming out in short rasps, her heart pounding like mad. Her vision began to spin as the rain’s insatiable thirst for her panic continued to hammer around her. Cleo’s head whipped around the room, her vision chaotic, she could hardly breathe. 

She was strong; she had to stop this nonsense. She tried to get up, but ended up tightening her arms around her legs. Stop, stop, stop, the words echoed through her mind. This has happened every time it rains since that day months ago, the day that now causes her horror. Something wet fell down her cheek. She didn’t even bother to wipe the tears running down her face. Goddess, how she wanted her sister. 

Since childhood, her sister had been the one to comfort her when she was scared. Emilia would hold her until she calmed down, sometimes falling asleep in her arms. Oh how she longed to be held like that again, but now she had no one. No one to comfort her, no one to hold her. Nic, her only remaining friend who was also almost family, was who knows where. It wasn’t even a question if Magnus would comfort her; she already knew the answer was no. The reality that she had no one bit into her painfully. The room continued to spin around her, chest heaving, breath ragged, tears running down her face like the rain outside. 

Magnus 

He climbed up the stairs to the bedchambers of the inn. Several wooden doors lined the top of the hallway. He knew distinctly which door was his and which one was Cleo’s. Rain poured down outside, hammering the walls and roof pleasantly. He enjoyed the rain; it never rained in Limeros, or any of the kingdoms for that matter. He enjoyed the way it rushed down the windows, how it sounded when he was falling asleep. And that’s what he was about to do: go to sleep.

He walked towards his door, the one three down from the stairs. Instead of rushing into his room the minute he saw it, he stopped at Cleo’s door. A soft whimpering sounded from behind the door. Immediately, concern began to overcome Magnus. Was she hurt? What happened? He wondered. He twisted the round doorknob, relieved when he heard the click indicate it was open. Tentatively, he pulled the door open, careful not to cause any loud scraping against the door’s hinges. Magnus pulled the door open completely. His gaze immediately landed on the wall opposite Cleo's bed.

A petite figure hugged her legs to her chest, her arms so tight around her legs that he could see the whites of her knuckles. She lifted her head to look at him, her white-golden hair falling lightly over the sides of her face. He noticed her chest heaving, as if she was gasping for breath. But the most shocking part was the tears that rained down her cheeks. He had never seen her cry before, not once. Whatever had happened had pushed her far, farther than ever before.

He didn’t waste a second longer, rushing to her huddled figure in an instant. His legs hit the wooden floor harder than he had anticipated when he went to sit beside her. He placed his hands against her knees. "Cleo, what’s wrong?" He asked quickly, aware of the disquietude in his voice. She stared at him, not offering an answer. He shook his head, it didn’t matter what happened. She was upset, he had to help her. 

He moved to sit beside her, his hands leaving her knees and extending out in front of him. He watched her gasp for air. She hadn’t bothered to hide her tears from him. Cleo looked at his extended arms cautiously. "Let me help you, Cleo," he said, noticing her eyebrows had knitted together in confusion. 

"Please, I don’t know what happened, but let me help you. I’m not very good at comfor-" he was interrupted when Cleo wrapped her arms around his waist. He was shocked for a few seconds, his arms were still extended out in front of him. "Cleo," he whispered, the surprise wearing off as quickly as it had come. Her grip on him was tighter than he had expected from her. His arms were wrapped around her own waist, pulling her closer. 

"Tell me when you’re ready, Cleo." He whispered.

He felt her grip loosening around him a few minutes later. She unwrapped her arms from his waist, instead bringing her head down to rest on his lap. Her legs were still curled up behind her, but by then her breathing had calmed down to a slow aftermath. His arm continued to rest around her waist, his other hand stroking her hair gently. "You’re safe here, my love," he whispered delicately, continuing to stroke her hair.

She breathed in deeply, "The day before the attack on Auranos, it rained the worst I have ever seen. That night—her voice broke, emotion pouring out through every word—I stayed with Emilia the whole night. She died not long later. Since that day, the rain has triggered something in me, something I have tried to hide within myself. I think," she choked on her words, "I think it reminds me that everyone I loved has left me; it reminds me that I have no one left to comfort me the way she used to." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Cleo’s confession left him feeling guilty; guilty that he and his family had taken everything from her. He was heartbroken that she had to go through everything alone. He had been so selfish and conceited that he hadn’t noticed she was a beautifully broken turmoil. No, he wouldn’t think like that anymore. He had to move on from the past, to build a better future. And whatever the cost, that future would have Cleo in it.

"I’m sorry," he said softly. Cleo shook her head in his lap, "It isn’t your fault, Magnus." He exhaled.

"You have me now, Cleo. I will do anything to ensure your safety. You know that, don’t you? I won’t let you suffer alone anymore. You pulled me out of the darkness, and  I will be damned to the darklands before I allow you to drown in your own. "

Her head turned to look up at him, a grateful look on her face, along with a different look he had hardly seen before in his life, love.

"I scare myself with how much I need you, Magnus." She said delicately, he felt her heartbeat against his leg. It seemed to have calmed down to a slow, normal, tempo.

He leaned over slightly, gently so as not to disturb her. As he had suspected, she had fallen asleep right there in his arms.