#magicandmalice

@furious-winter Tumblr won't let me see the peen OR the wholesome fluff lol

Tagged by @magicandmalice 

Uuh, this got a little long but I couldn’t decide on an excerpt. Also! Not tagging anyone bc it’s been so long I don’t know anyone on here anymore lol. Feel free to tag me in this if you want to do it tho! 

"Ah, si sta parlando inglese. Who summoned me?" asks the shadow, this time in heavily accented English. He sounds lackadaisical like he's been through this sort of exchange one too many times.

"Summoned you?" Joseph parrots, cocking his head to the side. "Looks like we got us another crazy here, eh Smokey."

Smokey slowly reaches into the back pocket of his jeans. Joseph knows what he's going for. "Hey man, I asked you somethin'! Who are you and what're you doin' here?"

"And I asked you a question," the man says, sounding quite sane for a mad man. "Who called me out?"

"We have no idea what you're talking about," Smokey says as he looks to Joseph. Joseph signals for him to remain calm and not pull out the switchblade he knows Smokey carries but is terrified of using. "No one called you, man."

The stranger sighs. "Just my luck... un paio di idioti."

Joseph grins as he cracks his knuckles. "Not sure what language you're speakin' but I'm pretty sure you just called us a couple of idiots. Why don't ya come out of the shadows there mate and show us your ugly mug."

Smokey stays where he is, crouched protectively over his belongings as Joseph takes a few more steps into the alley. The silhouette moves too, moving towards Joseph in a graceful stride that makes him appear like he's floating. When he finally steps into a streak of sunlight, Joseph gets a better look at the man. He's wearing a diamond checkered top hat, fashioned lopsidedly on his head and its pattern matches his waistcoat. The jacket he wears looks like it's made of crushed velvet, rich burgundy in colour, like a fine merlot. His pants appear to be normal black slacks, slightly oversized and stuffed into black knee-high boots. His hands are sheathed in fingerless leather gloves with brass bulbs on the knuckles.

He looks like a ridiculous magician, Joseph scoffs inwardly. Like a mad hatter.

"Right well. This bloke is definitely not right in the head, eh Smokey. Let's split."

Smokey rushes to gather his things, the items clanking against each other as he wraps them back up in his jacket.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" the man asks, tilting his head to the side that mimics the slide of his crooked grin. As he does this, the illumination clears the brim of his hat and reveals the upper part of the man's face. Light catches his eye and it gleams an unnaturally raw emerald. Below his eye is some sort of purplish smudge, triangular in shape. It's too bright to be a bruise or a tattoo.

Joseph makes a fist and grinds it into the palm of his hand. "You sure you wanna keep bein' a prick?"

"C'mon, JoJo," Smokey urges, cradling the bundle of junk in his arms.

"Be my guest," the stranger lilts, sweeping his hand in the air as if he's allowing them safe passage.

Joseph laughs nervously and an unsettling feeling begins to bubble in his gut. "You're off, mate. Let's get out of here, Smokey." He takes a few steps back, never taking his eyes off the man and waits for Smokey to get a good distance behind him. The man doesn't move and watches Joseph retreat without expression. Joseph doesn't think he even blinks. Once his back clears the mouth of the alley and there's a good forty-somewhat feet in between the weirdo and them, Joseph finally turns to Smokey and whispers, "Run."

Smokey doesn't need to be told twice, he takes off like someone's just lit a fire under his ass and Joseph isn't too far behind. The heavy knot in his stomach keeps nagging him to look over his shoulder but that same knot is preventing him from doing so. Anxious adrenaline courses through his veins and his blood rushes between his ears.

"I left the crystal ball!" Smokey yells apologetically but he too doesn't look over his shoulder to see if Joseph is following him.

"Forget the bloody thing!" Joseph shouts back, his chest pulling tight as his lungs struggle to retain a steady stream of oxygen. "That guy probably followed us from the market lookin' to get that junk back for that old bat — or he was lookin' to make a quid himself!"

"I thought you said this stuff was worthless!"

"Never said that mad hatter thought the same thing now, did I?"

Smokey looks back over his shoulder again and grins wildly. "He did look like a mad hatter, didn't he?"

"As mad as they come," Joseph agrees, leaping over tin garbage pail rolled out in the middle of the sidewalk. They're nearing a street corner and this being New York, Joseph knows there's gotta be a vendor on it. He could really use a Coke right now. "Hey — didn't he kinda remind you of a ringmaster? Y'know, like the bloke that runs the circus?"

Smokey laughs. "Yeah, he did! Maybe that woman in the market was a carnie or something. Maybe there's like, a band of them..."

The pounding of his heart drowns Smokey out as Joseph dares a glance over his shoulder. The streets are crowded as usual but there is no oddly dressed man in a top hat in pursuit. For this, Joseph breathes a sigh of relief and he's about to turn around to share this news with his friend when he knocks into something head-on. There's a hollow clattering on concrete and when Joseph catches up with what just happened, he sees that he's run into Smokey and knocked him onto the sidewalk.

"S-Smokey!" Joseph stutters as he scurries to pick up his friend from the ground. Then he stops short when he sees the reason for Smokey's abrupt stop.

The stranger is somehow in front of them, standing with his arms crossed and a fist curled under his chin. His eyes are closed, his expression reads annoyance as he sighs heavily.

"What in the hell," Joseph starts as grabs Smokey's arm to pull him up. His friend's eyes are just about bugging wide out of his head, his mouth agape in shock. Smokey looks like he's just seen a ghost. "Where the hell did you just come from — how the bloody hell did you do that?!"

"We have a problem here," the man states, opening his eyes finally. "If —"

"Now look here you —"

"If both of you can see me," the man continues, "then that means both of you touched the crystal ball at the same time."

Joseph scrunches his nose in disdain. "What are you on about?"

The stranger sighs again, this time more exasperated. "The crystal ball? You gentlemen rubbed it?"

"Y-yeah, we rubbed it," Smokey stutters, finally breaking his awed silence. "So?"

"Well here I am, you've summoned me, granter of wishes. Unfortunately, that is a problem because only there can only be one wisher at a time."

A sardonic laugh erupts from Joseph. "Oh my god. Are you saying you're some kind of genie? Like Arabian Nights, the magic lamp and all that crock?"

The man clucks his tongue. "Not genie, jinni. And it was a crystal ball, not a lamp. Are you blind as well as stupid?"

"Who're you callin' stupid?" asks Joseph, pushing up his shirt sleeves. "You expect us to believe you're a genie — jinni whatever, same difference — and we're the stupid ones?"

"I rubbed it," Smokey says quietly. "Remember, JoJo? With the scarf."

"Yeah, I remember but this bloke isn't a genie, Smokey. He's some mad man that followed us and saw you rub the stupid ball with the scarf. He's just tryin' to have a go at us so that we'll give him the stuff you looted."

"Try me," the man challenges.

Joseph nudges his friend's shoulder. "Just give him the junk, Smokey. Supper's in an hour, let's get on with it."

"Wait, JoJo," Smokey says, tugging on Joseph's sleeve. “Let's see if this guy's really telling the truth."

Joseph can feel the heat of eyes all around him and when he chances a look, the passersby on the sidewalk all seem to be giving Smokey and him a look that says they ought to be locked up in the local loony bin. Perhaps they aren't looking at them but rather at the man dressed like a ringleader but when Joseph follows their judging stares, none lead back to the strange man claiming to be a genie. "Right well... if you're going to have at it then let's get out of the middle of the street, yeah? People are lookin' at us like we're the ones who are mad."

Smokey nods and retreats a few feet to the nearest alleyway with Joseph and the man following.

"You got a name, genie man?" asks Joseph.

"Caesar," he answers without skipping a beat. "Caesar Zeppeli."

"Sounds like quite the unimaginative stage name," Joseph mutters scornfully.

"I wouldn't expect a brute like you to understand what's in a name," Caesar replies.

"I should make you eat one of these bloody pigeons for tryin' to take advantage of my friend," snaps Joseph.

"Please. I bet you couldn't even fight off a woman."

"Why the hell would I wanna fight a woman, you twit?!"

"Guys!" Smokey interrupts, stopping once he's hidden in the dark of the alley. "This will take five minutes, JoJo. Once this guy proves he's a fake, we can leave, okay? I just wanna see what he's got."

Joseph makes a face, "Yeah, he's a fake alright. Some wannabe street magician that should be workin' in Vegas by the name of The Great Zeppeli —"

"Actually, my grandfather was a magician of sorts in his time and he went by the name of Zeppeli the Eccentric," Caesar says pointedly, pulling on the brim of his top hat. "This used to be his."

"Thanks for that useless piece of information."

"JoJo, please."

Joseph sighs defeat and slumps against the dry brick of an old building. He uses one foot pressed into the wall to prop himself up. "Well — we're waiting," he says to Caesar expectedly.

"Before we begin, there are a few rules we must go over," Caesar announces.

"Of course there are," Joseph mumbles, rolling his eyes. Both Smokey and Caesar give him a look and Joseph says nothing more on the subject.

Caesar clears his throat. "There are rules to wishes that the jinn and wisher must abide by. The first one being I cannot grant a wish that interferes with free will."

"What does that mean?" asks Smokey, raising a brow.

"I cannot make someone fall in love with you or hurt themselves in any matter. Anything that a subject would not do otherwise with their own free will. Understand?"

What a crock of shit, Joseph thinks.

"Yes," Smokey croaks.

"Secondly, I cannot make something from nothing. The third rule is that no wish may change the natural order of life and death and bring one who is dead back to life, nor can I cause one's death."

Tagged by: tagged by @magicandmalice IT’S BEEN SO LONG OMG

Name: Ruby

Nicknames: Ruu, Ru, Rubes, Rooby Booby

Zodiac sign: Virgo/Libra cusp

Height: 5′0′’

Orientation: Aro/Ace

Nationality: Canadian

Favorite fruit: Cherries, cranberries, and raspberries

Favorite season: Forever fall

Favorite book:  Definitely hard to pick just one but I’d have to go with Lightning by Dean Koontz

Favorite flower: Lillies and orchids

Favorite scent: Sugary sweet, vanilla, cinnamon

Favorite color: Mint green

Favorite animal: Cats and geckos

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: All of the above

Average sleep hours: 3-5

Cat or dog person: Cat person most definitely

Favorite fictional character: Uuuuh.. Gokudera Hayato, Aomine Daiki, Winifred Burkle, ???? thinking is hard

Number of blankets you sleep with: 1 thick one

Dream trip: Ireland, Scotland, Hawaii and Greece

Blog created: Um... like 5 yrs ago maybe? Yeah abt that

Number of followers: Main blog: 913, Side blog 1: 10 205, Side blog 2: 797 and like 20-100 on the others ones (I think I have like 6 or 7?)