ā but you, you play it off as if you really care about other people when in fact itās always been you, you, and fucking you. ā
ššØš“š°š³š°šØš¹ Ā š¾š¶š¹š«šŗ Ā šŗš°š» Ā š·š¶š°šŗš¬š« Ā š¶šµ Ā šÆš¬š¹ Ā š»š¶šµš®š¼š¬Ā Ā āāthey run the gamut of her usual excuses ;Ā mortgage,Ā family,Ā children,Ā mother.Ā Ā they die before finding their way past her lips,Ā Ā caught behind her teeth like she canātĀ quiteĀ let them through.Ā Ā heās rightĀ āĀ not that itāsĀ allĀ about her,Ā Ā itās still aboutĀ allĀ of those things,Ā Ā still about her family,Ā aboutĀ providingĀ when her husband failed,Ā Ā about keeping her head aboveĀ water.Ā Ā but itās notĀ justĀ that,Ā Ā not anymore.Ā Ā sheād gotten a bite of something a little bit moreĀ excitingĀ Ā āĀ Ā a little bitĀ crazyĀ Ā āĀ Ā and no matter what sheās done to try and rid herself ofĀ wantingĀ it,Ā Ā beth just canāt seem to scrub the taste out of her mouth.
but for all the ways heāsĀ right,Ā Ā heāsĀ wrong,Ā Ā too.Ā Ā sheĀ Ā doesĀ careĀ Ā āācaresĀ Ā too much,Ā Ā andĀ Ā too hard,Ā Ā andĀ Ā too oftenĀ Ā for the things and people that end up biting her in the ass at the end of the day.Ā Ā sheād cared for annie when no one else could,Ā Ā and sheād spent herĀ entire lifeĀ bailing her out afterwards.Ā Ā not that this is about annie,Ā Ā and not that sheād change a thing.Ā Ā she cares for dean,Ā still!Ā still after all of the shit heās put her through,Ā Ā she cares enough to keepĀ trying.Ā Ā the list goes on and on,Ā and it brings with it a sort ofĀ rageĀ at him once again assuming that heĀ knowsĀ her.Ā Ā Ā and at Ā herself Ā for always letting him get under her Ā skin.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā thatās Ā not Ā true. Ā āĀ Ā Ā somehow her voice is steady, Ā somehow it doesnāt betray her anger, Ā somehow she stands her ground,Ā Ā just as she always does,Ā in spite of a war of emotions beneath the surface.Ā itās not just her,Ā Ā but itās becomingĀ moreĀ about her as time goes on.Ā about whatĀ bethĀ wants,Ā versus whatĀ everyoneĀ elseĀ wants.Ā Ā and doesnāt sheĀ deserveĀ it?Ā Ā isnāt it time sheĀ stoppedĀ living for everyone else?Ā Ā she blinks,Ā Ā wide-eyed like a deer caught in headlights but the lights are projectingĀ truthĀ and sheās trying to shield herĀ eyes.Ā Ā her voice isĀ quieterĀ when she speaks again,Ā Ā and sheād curse what it gives away if she wasnāt tryingĀ soĀ hardĀ to keep her mask in place.Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ iĀ care.Ā ā
šššš Ā Ā»Ā Ā @maelverdeĀ !!
