#macecapa

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The first time Capa sees Mace, Mace is one of many potential engineers for the crew.  There's twelve of them, men and women, and although they're of various races and ages, Mace is almost completely indistinguishable in the crowd.  Almost, but he looks at Capa perhaps a little too long.

- - - -

The first time Capa kisses Mace, they're both drunk.  It's the first New Year's Eve party Capa's ever been to; he'd always been too busy or too unsocial in the past.  It's being thrown by a group of the younger military guys, and Mace makes a point of making sure Capa knows he's invited.

They're not drunk drunk, but they're tipsy, and happy.  Then at last everyone is shouting the numbers, "10! 9! 8!" as midnight draws immediately nigh.

Mace turns to him, grinning.  "Do you want to kiss?" he has to raise his voice over the surrounding noise, even though Capa's less than a foot away.

"What?"  Capa isn't sure he heard him right.

"Do you wanna kiss?"

Capa blushes, but shouts back, "Yeah!"  And just in time for calls of "Happy New Year!", he grabs Mace's lapel and kisses him.

It's more of a smooch than a real kiss, and they pull apart laughing.  Capa isn't sure what this means.  Mace could be making it very clear that he's attracted to Capa - that's what asking for a kiss normally means - or he could just be thinking it's hilarious to ask your platonic guy friend for a kiss on New Year's.

Mace touches his cheek gently, the loose, light feeling from his alcohol buzz making it easier to do without hesitation, and Capa becomes pretty sure that the kiss means what kisses tend to mean.

- - - -

The first time they have sex, it's incredible.  Mace makes love like he needs to fuck an orgasm out of Capa in order to live.  Not only does it instantly rank as the best sex Capa's ever had, it may change his perception of what sex should be forever.

- - - -

The first time Capa thinks he might want to stay with Mace for the rest of his life, Mace is asleep.  He's warm and solid against Capa's side and his arm is draped loosely over him.  Their relationship is casual and mostly secret, but it's also really nice.  It's been going on for a while, and Capa thinks he'd be perfectly happy if it just kept going indefinitely.

- - - -

The first time their relationship almost stops being a secret, they're leaving a movie theater.  Going out for entertainment has become less popular with the frigid weather, but a movie still makes a good date.

They turn a corner outside, and Mace looks around.  The coast in clear, so he takes Capa's hand.  Capa can't help the smile that breaks out on his face.  Mace is a hard-ass and prone to harsh judgement, but he can also be sweet.  Capa gets shown more of that side than anyone else.  He's not just friendly like he is with Cassie or Trey, he lets himself be vulnerable.

Capa stops them on the sidewalk and kisses him.  It's just for a moment; it's too cold and too public to take more than that.  As they part and turn to continue, their hands slide apart just in time to see Searle come around the corner in front of them.

Capa tucks his hands back into his pockets.  "Hey, Searle."

"Hey guys.  Out for a movie?" the doctor asks.

"Yeah, Episode XV just came out, and I hoped it'd encourage this guy," Mace nods over at Capa, "to take his astronautics training more seriously."

"I'm not sure Sal Dameron-Solo is an astronaut, really..." Capa comments.

"She works in space," Mace argues.

Searle seems to accept that Mace and Capa are not on a date, they're just dudes being bros, and they get away without suspicion.

- - - -

The first time they have a serious fight is when it becomes clear that Mace will likely be the top choice for the crew's engineer.  Of course they knew it was a possibly; it's why Mace is there, after all.  This opportunity is all Mace has hoped for for years.

But while the fact that their relationship is against the program's rules had seemed like an unimportant technicality before, it rears its head as a significant consideration now.

"Are you fucking kidding?  I'd lose my spot!" Mace says in answer to the suggestion that they just come clean.  "I would!  I absolutely would!" he insists as soon as Capa opens his mouth.  "There is no way they'd let me go when they have eleven other options who have not fucked you!"

Capa doesn't appreciate the insinuation that he's somehow tainted Mace, but he knows Mace is probably right.  The conversation goes round and round until Mace suggests maybe Capa should drop out of the mission.

Capa's initial reaction is to sigh, shake his head, and roll his eyes as he turns away so Mace won't see it.  He stops himself from saying that he isn't as replaceable as Mace is.

"I mean, come on - you don't even want to go!  Do you?  You're not an astronaut."

"No, but it's my bomb."

"What do you mean 'your' bomb?" Mace knows damn well what Capa means, but he's got to argue the point.  "A thousand people worked on that thing!"

"I designed it," Capa says, "and I know how to operate it better than anyone."

Mace won't let the idea go.  He's sure that there's no chance they'll be able to keep their relationship a secret for the entire mission.  Capa wouldn't agree that being found out is completely inevitable, but he can concede that it's highly likely.  If they're caught before the Icarus II launches, Mace will be replaced on the crew.  Even if they're caught after it's too late to pull him, it will tarnish his otherwise exemplary career forever.

Mace keeps trying to convince Capa to at least consider letting the next-best physicist go in his place, but they're still fighting, so it's not anything truly resembling a productive discussion.

Many factors stop Capa from biting his tongue, but not a small part of it is that his feelings are hurt.  Mace would rather go to space for three years without him than risk being there with him.  He finally tells Mace, "You're being selfish."

It's true, but it's too hard for Mace to hear.  He prides himself on being highly mission-oriented, sometimes possibly to a fault, and the accusation that he would ever fail this selfless ideal and just once put his own desires first, he can't accept that.

- - - -

The first time Capa realizes he and Mace are not going to make it, he's wearing Mace's jacket.  He wrapped it around him one day, a while before they started fighting, because even though Capa had his own, he was still cold and shivering.  Mace let himself be uncomfortable - even though he acted like a tough guy who didn't need a jacket anyway - rather than let Capa be uncomfortable.

'Wow,' Capa remembers thinking, 'that's love.'

- - - -

The first time they see each other after breaking up, less than 24 hours have passed.  They meet each other's eyes and both look away.

After a briefing, half of the crew is getting into mock space suits for an underwater simulation.  It is possible to get the bulky suit on alone, but it's usually done with help.  Before, Capa would have asked Mace.

"Cassie, would you mind?"

"Sure."  Cassie smiles that sweet smile of hers and comes over.  In some ways, Cassie is much like Mace.  She's young, military, ambitious, incredibly skilled, at the very top of her field.  But her personality is best defined by her open heart.  She's kind, and it's nice to have someone like her in the crew.

The pilot's hands run over his shoulders as she checks the straps there, and Capa catches Mace looking at them.  He looks away again, but he doesn't look happy.

- - - -

The first time Mace comes to the Payload, it's unexpected.  They're six months into the mission, and there are only three people who visit Capa while he's working - Searle, Kaneda, and Cassie.

The comm console beeps.  "Capa."  At first, Capa isn't sure he heard it correctly.  "Can I come in?"

"Yeah."  Capa opens the door, but the confusion is probably audible in his voice.  He waits for Mace to make his way in, then tries to look busy once he does.

"I need to ask you something."  Mace crosses his arms because it's awkward and he needs something to do with them.  "I know it's none of my business, but I need to ask."

"Okay...?"

"I was talking to Cassie, and she told me that shortly before we left Earth, she was pregnant."

"That sounds private."  Capa has no idea why Mace would want to blab Cassie's secrets to him.

"Look.  I know you two are close.  Were you..."  Mace pauses.  "Have you slept with her?"

Capa is too surprised by the question to act indignant or refuse to answer on principle.  Not that he has any reason to withhold the truth, either.  "No.  We've never done anything like that."  He and Cassie aren't involved, romantically or sexually.

Mace looks like he believes him.  "Okay."  He nods, "Good."

Capa almost asks, 'Why?', but he knows why.

Mace doesn't leave quite as abruptly as he came.  There's a moment where he isn't sure what to do next, isn't sure if Capa's going to call him on that question.

But Capa doesn't.  He also almost asks if Mace was jealous of Cassie or of him, but he realizes he doesn't want either answer.  The moment ends, and Mace leaves.

- - - -

The first time Capa thinks he and Mace might have a shot at actually being friends, he's supposed to be asleep.

Instead he's awake in the mess hall, playing chess with himself.  It's an illogical thing to do.  He only plays chess because he's bored, and sleep is important for functioning at the optimum level.  Functioning well is kind of essential when operating a stellar bomb the size of Manhattan.  But it doesn't actually require much of anything done with it - Capa already tests and checks it far more often than needed - and it would be practically impossible to set off on accident.  These facts mean Capa doesn't feel guilty about depriving himself of sleep.

He glances up when Mace enters.  Mace gets some left-overs and, to Capa's surprise, sits across from him.

"You can play alone?"

Capa shrugs.  "It's not the same, but it's still a mental exercise."

Mace watches him as he eats for a while, then asks, "Can you show me how?"

So Capa spends the next hour teaching Mace how to play chess.  They play the next day, too, for three hours.  As they play, they talk, and it becomes easy to stop pretending that they don't know each other as well as they do.

On the third day of this, Mace is laughing.  "Yours was so fluffy!  You looked like a big snow rabbit.  I liked it."  They've been discussing how the Icarus II is so much warmer than Earth, and he's remembering Capa's winter jacket.

Capa ducks his head and smiles as he moves his piece.  The move is intentionally bad, giving Mace an opportunity to at least try to win.  "Yeah, I remember."  He recalls one time Mace was so eager to fuck as soon as they got home, Capa didn't even have time to get that coat off.  Mace buried his face in the fluff of its hood when they were done.

Mace also recalls this, and swallows.  "I wonder how much warmer it will be when we get back?" he says, changing the subject back to Earth's climate.

"I have some very specific projections, if you'd like to see the figures," Capa offers in a tone of mock seriousness.

"No!  No, no thank you!"  He once asked Capa for 'very specific projections' about the likelihood of the Payload's success, and had to sit through two hours of numbers, factors, and a dumbed-down physics lecture, until he insisted that no, nevermind, really, he'd just take Capa's word for it.

It only takes about a week for their friendship to be doomed.  Because they're not friends; the feelings that naturally develop when they spend time together do not stop at friendship.

"This is stupid," Capa mutters.  He's referring to the sexual tension between them going unaddressed for so long that it's devolved into long silent looks and wondering which of them will make a move first.

Mace sighs.  "You're right.  I should have kept my distance."

"No.  It's stupid for us to act like we don't care about each other."  There's no way for Capa to spend this much time alone with Mace and just pretend he doesn't want to kiss him as much as he does.

"The rule is there for a reason - a good reason.  This mission is dangerous.  We could be compromised...  We need to stay objective."

"We're already compromised.  We were together for over a year.  Even if we're not sleeping together, if it comes down to letting you or someone else get blown out the airlock, I'm saving you," Capa says earnestly.  "Especially if it's Harvey, you know."

Mace huffs a laugh at that bit, but quickly sobers again.  "Still, we can't do this.  We shouldn't spend time together.  We need to try to do what we're supposed to do."

Right, Capa thinks.  It's very important that they try very hard to stop liking each other.

- - - -

The first time Capa hates Mace, it's when the shield needs to be repaired.

He doesn't hate him when Mace attacks him just as they enter the Dead Zone.  Instead, he hates himself.  He hates himself for how epicly fucked-up their relationship has become, for the many months of growing hostility and zero real conversations, for apologizing immediately after having Mace's arm pried from around his throat, for accepting Mace's lack of apology.  He hates himself the most for being pathetic and still not hating Mace back the way he should.

"I volunteer Capa."  That's what does it.

It's like acid in his heart.  He can finally hate Mace, because while he's still in love with him, Mace clearly isn't the least bit emotionally compromised by Capa anymore.

- - - -

The first time Mace actually apologizes to him, they're all going to die.

"Capa."

Fuck.  Capa has just started heading toward the Payload, and he really doesn't want to deal with Mace right now.  Or ever again, actually, for the rest of their short lives.

But he stops and turns, and as he does he stumbles slightly.  None of them exactly feel very well.  Mace catches him and helps him get straight again.

"Y'know, if I knew we'd all be screwed anyway, I never would have stopped sleeping with you," the engineer says.

Capa jerks back.  "Get the fuck away from me."  Their last interaction was Mace smearing Trey's blood into his palm, and now he goes and says shit like that.

He starts to continue the way he was going, but Mace calls out again.  "Capa, wait..."  There's a desperation in his voice.  Mace catches up with him and comes around to face him.

"I'm sorry."

Capa looks at him like he doesn't understand the meaning of the words.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for everything.  It wasn't your fault.  Or it was everyone's fault, and yours maybe the least."

The physicist still doesn't appear convinced this a genuine expression.

"It's the Icarus I crew's fault for sabotaging their ship and making our mission necessary at all, and for making us go try to rescue them.  It's the program's fault for not sending a psychologist with them, or for not vetting them properly in the first place.  It's Kaneda's fault for making the call.  You advised him what you thought was best - you were wrong, but it was his decision.  It's Trey's fault for being so paranoid about the computer making a mistake that he didn't let it check for his own.  And it's his damn fault for decoupling the airlock."  Mace is panting as he speaks, the low oxygen content of the air not wanting to support so many words.  "And it's my fault, for not realizing the risks of destroying the Comm Towers.  That was my responsibility."

Capa is touched by this admission, but he's also still hurt.  "That wasn't the case a few hours ago."

"I was so frustrated.  This didn't have to happen.  We fucked up so unbelievably bad."  Having someone to blame had helped feed his denial.  "But the truth is, if everyone was as good at their jobs as you are, we'd have two Payloads and full oxygen tanks and eight crew members."

"Well we're fucked now."  The words aren't biting, just the resigned truth.  "But thanks for saying that," Capa says.

Mace isn't finished.  They don't have much time left, so he needs to get this out now.  "I get so... mad around you.  I wanted to not be with you, but I hate not being with you.  This whole experience has been like being stabbed in the gut and walking around like that every day."

"I'm not the one who stabbed you!"  It comes out surprisingly loud and makes Capa wheeze after it.  "I'm not the one who pursued you.  I'm not the one who decided we couldn't be together.  I didn't ask to spend time with you and then decide we couldn't even do that.  I am not a bad thing that's happened to you, Mace."

"No," Mace shakes his head, but he's agreeing.  "You're the best thing that's happened to me."

Capa doesn't know what to say.  He knows this is the explanation for why Mace has treated him like crap, because he knows Mace, and he knows he can't cope with feelings that don't agree with his duties.  All he can think is that their situation is a god-damn tragedy: two people who hate each other and love each other and are about to die.

"I think I did the right thing, but I still regret it."

"Yeah," Capa sighs.  "I regret a lot."

- - - -

The last time Capa sees Mace, it's through the slit of his golden space suit.  He thinks he's already dead at first, but then Mace blinks.

He's trapped in one of the tanks of coolant, in the air-tight mainframe room.  The rest of the ship is gutted, but this one spot has survived.  He sees Capa, and his lips move slightly, like he's still trying to tell him to 'Do it, Capa.'

.

“Hey,” Capa greeted Mace with a quick kiss, but he was still surprised when the other man pulled him close.

“When I called you here to help me with maintenance, that was a lie,” Mace confessed.  "I actually called you because I was hoping we could have sex.“

"In the engine room?”

“Yes!”

“Why don’t we go to the Payload instead?  You know, the gigantic place only I have the access code to, so we won’t be caught by the people we’re trying to keep our relationship a secret from?”

“The exciting part,” Mace explained, “is that we might get caught.  That’s what makes the sex ‘naughty’.”

Capa considered.  The idea of 'naughty’ sex was appealing.  Their sex was inherently naughty in that they weren’t supposed to be allowed to have it, but that got old after a while, and any excitement on their long journey was welcome.  "Alright, but you better have brought our lube, because there’s no way we’re using engine grease or whatever else you have down here.“

Mace laughed.  "God, you’re so vanilla,” he teased.  "But yes, I got it.“

"Good.”  With that settled, he hooked a thumb through Mace’s belt loop and cupped the back of his head with his other hand to bring the taller man close enough to kiss deeply.

Mace made a small sound of pleasure.  He stroked Capa’s neck gently, knowing it made him weak in the best way.  When they broke apart for breath, Capa’s head tilted back and his eyes closed as he panted.  He looked just a bit helpless, and Mace liked that.  It had taken him a while to figure the physicist out, but now he was his favorite thing to play with.

He ducked his head to kiss his neck, moving down it slowly.  Capa started grinding their hips together, feeling Mace’s length and encouraging it to full hardness.

He felt Mace’s teeth nip at him and suck a spot of flesh between his lips.  "Ah, no marks.“  The idea was to risk getting caught, not ensure it.

Mace relented, leaving the spot unmarred.  He returned to Capa’s lips, kissing him while his hands went to work on the tie of his pants.  He soon had him in hand, pumping him slowly.  He could feel Capa falter, gasping into Mace’s mouth.

Capa undid Mace’s belt with a few quick tugs, then pushed his pants and boxers down all at once.  He took a firm hold of him, and just the feel of his weight and girth was almost as much of a turn-on as Mace’s hand working on his dick.

"Let’s do this.”  At night, in bed, they usually enjoyed more foreplay, but right now, Capa was impatient.

Mace smirked.  He turned Capa around and pushed him against the wall - Capa had indicated many times that he liked a bit of manhandling, and that held true now.  He pulled the smaller man’s clothing out of the way, and fished the lubricant out of one of his pockets.

He resumed stroking Capa’s hardness as he circled his entrance with a fingertip.  He kissed along his nape, and Capa sighed as he pressed into him.

“You’re so fucking hot inside.”  Mace’s whisper was heavy with desire and his breath was warm on Capa’s neck.

He had two fingers inside him now, twisting and pressing in and out.  Capa braced himself against the wall and pushed back, wanting more of that feeling.

Soon, Mace obliged.  Capa could hear him slicking himself up, and he dropped his head, waiting.  He didn’t want them to be caught, but Mace was right, the possibility was exciting.

He felt Mace grip his hips and pull them back further, then he was breaching him, wider than his fingers, and pressing all the way in, much deeper.  No matter how many times they did this, Capa never got over the pleasure of how full Mace made him feel.  It was almost too much, but not - it was just on the right side of that edge, and it always pushed Capa to his own.

“You okay?” Mace’s breath was labored.

Capa nodded.  "Yeah.  Go.“

Mace pulled nearly all the way out before slamming back in.  He did this three times over before setting a pace.  Capa struggled to similarly regulate his breaths; it was like the air was being fucked out of him every time Mace’s hips struck his backside.  He saw pre-cum fall in drops from his dick to the floor, and made a note to be sure it got cleaned up before they left.  He’d forget, though.

It was hard to remember they were even on a spaceship, trying to save the world, trying to keep this very act a secret from the other six people on board.

Mace tightened his grip with one hand as he used the other to reach around Capa and stroke him in time with his thrusts.  He loved the noises Capa was making.  He probably wanted to be quiet, but just couldn’t help it.  Mace loved being the cause of Capa losing control.

After a while, he could tell they were both close.  He picked up his pace, wanting to bring them to completion simultaneously.  Capa was meeting his motions, forcefully, and his sounds were becoming more strained.

*

Cassie was heading toward the engine room, seeking Mace’s company.  She was bored out of her mind, and chatting while the man worked was as good a solution as any.  Abruptly, she froze.

This was it: They were officially back in Earth’s orbit.  After three long years away, that brilliant blue planet was filling their screens.  A U.S. space shuttle would be docking with them soon, and then their feet would be on solid ground within the hour.

Capa and Mace had just finished getting into their space suits - not the giant reflective ones made to survive close proximity to the Sun, but the standard orange pressure suits used for any shuttle launch or re-entry.  Capa was enjoying watching Mace - this was probably the happiest he’d ever seen him, happier even than when they saved the Sun.

“We finally get to go fucking home!”  That was Mace, swearing as much when ecstatic as he did when seething.

“You’re not going to miss the Icarus II at all?” Capa asked.

“Are you kidding me?  Capa, we gonna get to eat real food and be more than two feet away from a wall!”  He shook Capa by the shoulders a bit, but good-naturedly.  He’d gradually grown friendlier toward the physicist during their long trip together; Capa thought he probably wasn’t even Mace’s least favorite person on board anymore.

Capa laughed, but then paused.  "I’ve been really procrastinating doing something…“

Mace’s brows drew together.  "What?”

“Do you wanna make out?”

Mace didn’t say anything in reply at first, too taken aback by the question.  He finally managed a sound, but started with an, “Uh…”

“I figure if you don’t want to, I don’t really have to ever see you again anyway, so it saves me some embarrassment,” Capa explained.

“Um.  Yeah.”  Mace shook his head as if to clear it, “To the making out.  Not to your stupid reasoning, because we’re still going to be locked in decontamination for a week when we land, so you would still have to be embarrassed for a week.”

Capa shrugged.  "Good thing you said yes.“

"Yeah,” Mace repeated, “so…”

The rendezvous with the Icarus I had been a bust, but all still seemed well until the lights went out.  This was even more alarming than it would have been under normal circumstances - “normal” being on a ship alone in space, almost a hundred million miles away from Earth and any possible assistance - because they were just about to reach their Payload Delivery Point.  This was the least ideal time for things to go wrong; things could not go wrong now, or their entire mission would be lost.

Of all the possible causes running through Mace’s head, a new person on board was not on the list.  What followed happened very quickly.  Mace didn’t even have time to truly let the shock of Pinbacker’s presence sink in.  He heard the other’s talking, standing around the former captain’s still-warm body, as he threw his tools down next to the mainframe and braced himself.  He did look up when he heard Kaneda say, “Where’s Capa?  Has anyone seen him?”

They tried to reach him over the comm tags; no answer.  Mace felt his stomach knot in a way he couldn’t explain.  But he soon heard the physicist was locked in the airlock.  Trapped, but not dead, and someone was off to free him.  Mace knew his relief was solely for the logical reason: the time to deliver the stellar bomb that was supposed to save the world was now upon them, and Capa was the only one capable of doing that.  That was the reason why Mace had (mostly) tolerated his otherwise useless presence on board for all these months.

He got the mainframe back online as quickly as he could, with the anxious assistance of his crewmates, and then they all hurried to the front of the ship.  When he arrived, he saw Capa punching away at the console.  The younger man was shaking, but that made sense, considering both the shock of encountering the insane shadow of a man they all thought long dead and the fact that he now had to rush through the most important task in human history while still maintaining perfect precision.

Finally, Capa paused, before hitting one last button.  They could briefly hear and feel the Payload detaching, and then they watched on the monitors as it shrank and disappeared into the bright wall of the Sun.  A few tense minutes passed as they waited for it to detonate.  Or not.  Whether it actually worked or didn’t, they were officially on their way home now.  Mace noticed Capa was leaning heavily on the console.

Suddenly, the light on their screens became much brighter.  Another started generating new numbers for the various forms of radiation detected.  Each one was increasing, and they matched what Capa had predicted.  The captain announced the results, and the crew cheered.

Just before Capa collapsed, Mace realized something was off.  Capa was wearing something strange.  It wasn’t any piece of the crew’s usual attire.  With confusion, he recognized it as one of the compression vests that went with their space suits.  As he took a step toward him, Capa’s knees buckled.

Searle was quick to make everyone else step aside, but Mace was still just behind him.  He saw traces of blood on the console’s keys.  Searle unzipped the vest, and found much more.

.

Mace didn’t want it to seem like he wanted to see Capa.  Why even would he?  What was he gonna do, hold his hand, tell him to get better soon, ask if he seriously let himself almost bleed to death just to see if his bomb worked?

Yet he still found himself making an excuse to pass by sick bay.  It made sense for him to have to go that way.  He had an entire ship to maintain, he could plausibly be anywhere at any time.

Searle popped his head out just as Mace was approaching.  "Mace, could you come in here for a minute?  I need to go speak with Kaneda, but someone needs to watch him.“

Mace followed Searle into the room where Capa was recovering, bandaged up and hooked to a couple of IV bags.

"What should I do if he wakes up?” he asked.

“Just stop him from trying to get up.  And if you can, get him to drink something.”  With that, Searle left.

Mace stood in the doorway for a moment before going and sitting at Capa’s bedside.  He looked even younger and more fragile than usual like this.  With a gnarly chest wound, it should have the opposite effect.  But Capa wasn’t actually either of those things.  He was the fucking genius who designed and set off the thing that saved everyone they knew.  Mace was glad they brought him.  And even though Capa had now returned to his ‘useless’ status…

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Mace whispered.