#m:wjh

That was the sad existence he was left with, the one he’d been running from for years. He lived in a world where everyone was covered in the injuries and scars of their soulmate. Your body wasn’t a canvas of your own life, it was the story of someone else’s. And God Junhui hated that more than anything. That his life wasn’t his own anymore and there was nothing he could do about it.

It all became real for him when he came home from school on his 18th birthday. He shouldered off his bag and was getting ready to shower when he saw the bright pink mark on his stomach. A little thing, only two inches in length, half an inch wide, almost completely negligible. At first, he was confused, then scared, and finally—mortified.

No. He said to himself as he inspected the scar. Please tell me this is a lie.

For years he stared at his own body, repulsed and confused by the injuries that kept cropping up. His friends would laugh at the little marks, claiming that his soulmate was a complete klutz. Still, he refused to acknowledge it. He didn’t care what sort of scar showed up on his body, he refused to care. He refused to think about the one person who was tied to his entire existence. No matter what they were going through. He didn’t care when the eight inch gash appeared on his arm, nor did he care when he saw the surgical scar sprawled across his knee. It was just skin, scar tissue and skin. It didn’t mean anything.

Or that’s what he tried to convince himself.

Sometimes, if the injury was bad enough, he would even feel the pain from it. One day he was walking to work, and suddenly he was struck by an intense migraine. The throbbing alone was enough to make him want to puke. The world was spinning, he could barely feel the ground underneath his feet when he caught his reflection in a store window. His eyebrow had split open, a single trickle of blood streaking his face.

What happened? He found himself wondering despite himself. Are they—are they okay?

Before that moment, he had never actually bled from one of his soulmate’s wounds. And it terrified him. He had only seen the injuries once they’d healed, meaning that the danger, and pain, was over. That little bead of blood meant—meant that this was real. That on the other side of his scars was a real person. He hated forever, he hated the word, hated the meaning, hated what he was forced to endure because fate had better plans for him.

But still, he couldn’t help but wonder. And that was harmless, right?

Going to the doctor after that was interesting, because he had to get a full body X-Ray to see what sort of damage his new body had endured. Standard protocol when you turned 18, he’d just been putting it off for as long as he could. Injuries from his soulmate's childhood were clear against the backlight, several broken bones from when they were young, or reckless, or both. Without realizing it, Junhui found himself smiling at the sight. It was sort of comforting, knowing that he’ll always have this part of someone else. That it’ll never leave him.

He gingerly touched each wound and tried to imagine the story behind them. There was this one right up his shin, very old, very faded, it reminded him of the one time he fell off his bike as a kid. Maybe he had something in common with his soulmate. Maybe they had a similar past. He had no idea, but it was fun to wonder.

For periods of time, Junhui wouldn’t accumulate any new marks, and he felt lonely. He pretended like he didn’t, he continued on as he usually did. A string of flings and drunken escapades kept him busy, but they just—they weren’t as fun anymore. Car rides with no destination, late nights underneath the stars, the things he loved most no longer held the same weight. He felt stupid, selfish, wishing for some sign of his soulmate. Because that meant that they’d have to get hurt for it to happen.

And then, he thought he lost them.

He was getting set up for a gig, plugging in his mic and laughing with the stagehands, when he felt his life flash before his eyes. Like he’d been crushed by a car. The pain was so excruciating, he was finding it hard to breathe. Collapsing to the floor, he could’ve sworn that he saw a bright light above him. Tears streaked his face, his stomach churned like the red sea—he thought he was dying. He had no idea what was going on, until—until he realized that he was fine. That his soulmate—that his soulmate might’ve—

Pulling up his shirt, he watched a deep gash form on his stomach and a deep bruise color his whole abdomen. Propping himself up onto his elbows, he instantly fell back to the ground. Looking at his arm, he noticed the swelling. He was being covered in bruises, several of his bones were broken, and he only had one thought on his mind.

I have to find them.

He managed to get to his feet, finding his right leg weaker than he remembered, and he practically sprinted out of the bar. Pulling out his phone, he started searching every news site he could think of, looking for any news of any sort of car crash. Of any sort of accident.

Every few minutes or so, he’d check to make sure that his scars were still there. That his soulmate hadn’t left him. Because that’s what everyone truly fears, and the one thing Junhui has grown to fear more than forever. When you slowly see your soulmate's scars clear up, when your skin is your own once more, it means one of two things.

Either you’ve found your soulmate, or your soulmate is dead.

Please stay alive. He found himself begging, finally catching word of a couple car accidents in the past day. He scrolled through them, scrolled through the pictures of victims, desperately trying to find them. Dozens of faces blurred past his vision, and he finally stopped at a picture of a young woman. A woman with a small scar on her chin, just like the cut Junhui got when he was a kid and banged his chin on a coffee table.

After years of denying her existence, he had finally found his soulmate. For a brief moment, he was caught in some sort of trance, completely awestruck by the person who was a permanent part of his life. She was beautiful, perfect, everything he had ever dreamed of and feared all at once. It broke his heart, knowing that it took her getting hit by a car for him to find her.

When he figured out which hospital she was taken to, he hailed a cab and paid him extra to get him there as fast as he could. As he rode, he read the article more thoroughly, reading about how she was hit by a drunk driver, how she was in critical condition, and how she was in a medically induced coma. He had to fight back tears, knowing that she might not make it.

Arriving at the hospital, he showed the front desk her picture, desperate to find her any way that he could. They confirmed that she was there, that she had just got out of surgery. They kept telling him that only family could see her, that he’d have to wait until she was out of the ICU, and a million other things that he didn’t give a damn about. He had to see her.

“She’s my soulmate.” He whispered, trying not to lose it. “Please, please, let me see her.”

Even though the nurses were conflicted, they eventually let him in. Thanking them quickly, he sprinted down the hall to her room, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t lose her. Not before she was even a part of his life. Not before he could even tell her how important she was to him. He hadn’t even met her yet, and yet if she died – then his life would be over.

He slowed down as he got closer, his heart beating in his ears. She was just a few doors down, she was so close, he could feel it deep down inside. As he stood outside her door, he tried to calm himself down, he inhaled and exhaled, attempting to stabilize the raging storm inside of him.

Mentally preparing for the worst he reached for the door handle, his entire arm shaking. He was fully aware that she wouldn’t even realize he was there, that she’d be lying catatonic in a hospital bed with tubes and wires hooked up to her. He didn’t care. It was still an important moment in his life. He was about to meet his soulmate for the first time.

Turning the handle, he felt his heart stop when he saw her. Even though the actual sight of her broke his heart, something he couldn’t explain started to stir inside of him. Like—like his entire existence led him to this point. And while that thought alone would’ve terrified him not too long ago, it now gave him a purpose to strive towards. He wouldn’t run from this.

He approached her carefully, pulling up a chair and sitting beside her. As he sat there, he watched as the little scars across his knuckles started to disappear, and saw them reappear on her. Unconsciously, he started to check on every single scar on his body, finding himself frowning as they vanished from his skin. He would’ve preferred to bare them, knowing that they wouldn’t mar her beautiful body. And he’d miss the proof that she was meant to be with him. Fate determined that they were meant to be together, and for the first time—he accepted that. Because he finally learned that alone was a far more terrifying word than forever.

Now, you press your hands to the cool onyx marble as you brace yourself for Jun’s next deep thrust from behind. Despite the dim lighting of the restroom, the sequins of the short, tight dress you’re wearing still glint with each movement, shimmering dully when Jun tugs the dress up so he can watch how well you’re taking him. You look up into the mirror to see the mess he’s made of you, and he groans when you clench at the sight: the lipstick smeared across your cheek, the marks left on your neck, and the desperate look in your eyes will definitely leave little doubt for your persona for tonight’s operation.

She couldn’t help rolling her eyes whenever she heard someone fawning over her best friend. The whole thing didn’t make any sense to her. His popularity was unprecedented, he became the “idol” of the school in a matter of days. When they both entered high school she didn’t understand what the big deal was. Junhui wasn’t even that popular in junior high but suddenly he was beating off girls with a stick. She really didn’t get it. She didn’t want to either.

“Hey stupid.” Junhui teased, sitting on the table she was working at. “You busy?”

Leering up at him, she pointedly turned a page. “Yes, unlike you. Now scram, I have a big test to study for.”

“We have a test?” He asked honestly. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.” She sighed. “It’s been on the board for the past week. Don’t you ever pay attention in class?”

He shook his head. “Not really. I had no idea.”

“Because you don’t need to bother studying.” She muttered bitterly. “You’re going to get the highest grade in the class no matter what.”

He leaned back on his hands and smirked knowingly. “For once you’re not wrong.”

“Bite me Wen Junhui.” She spat as she stuck out her tongue. “If you knew what was good for you you’d probably treat me a bit better.”

“Oh yeah?” He challenged with a coy smirk. “What could you possibly do?”

“I don’t know, perhaps expose some of your deepest darkest secrets.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Maybe I should go around to everyone in the grade and tell them about your huge crush on Ms Park back in grade school? How your ears would turn red whenever she called you her little JunJun.”

Junhui’s eyes widened in fright. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh I would.” She threatened easily. “So stop being a pain in my ass if you know what’s good for you.”

Pouting, Junhui crossed his arms in a huff. “Here I was trying to have a pleasant conversation with my best friend. But, as always, you’re so mean.”

“Who starts a pleasant conversation with hey stupid?” She asked. “If you think that I’m the mean one in this friendship then you’re the devil.”

“That wouldn’t be the first time someone called me that.” He winked playfully.

She had to force her lunch back down. “Please don’t make me sick. Your face is enough to make my stomach turn on its own without your personality making it worse.”

“Nice try.” He scoffed. “But you’re not fooling anyone.”

Rolling her eyes, she stuffed her books into her bag and stood abruptly. “I don’t need to fool anyone into believing the truth because you’ve got all your lackeys eating up the lie. Now do me a favor and stay put so I can go study in peace.”

“Wait,” He started, hopping down from the table. “I actually—”

“Nuh uh!” She interrupted him with a wag of her finger. “You stay!”

“But—”

“I said stay!” She persisted. “Stay!”

Shaking his head with a sigh, he waved her off. “Alright fine, have it your way. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Probably.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “You always find your way back to me sooner or later.”

He offered her an affectionate smile. “Yeah. I always do.”

“See ya later Jun.”

The Wen Junhui that everyone at school thought they knew wasn’t the one she met back in grade school. When she met him he was this awkward little kid from China, barely spoke her language, barely left his house, he was even kind of cute. She actually used to have a bit of a crush on him until they entered high school and he turned into the egocentric jerk everyone knew and loved. Not that she’d ever admit that to anyone now.

Junhui used to be shy, considerate, courtesy and kind. How he managed to turn into a skirt chaser that only cared about sports and his hair was a complete mystery to her. Everyday he would have a new piece of arm candy, someone who basically worshipped the ground he walked on and looked good beside him. He barely associated with her during school anymore. The only times she would get to see him was if he was bored or if no one else was around. She hated feeling like she was only his friend out of convenience and nothing more.

“Whatcha doing?” He prompted one day, sitting beside her underneath a tree in the courtyard. “Are you skipping class like me?”

“As if. I have a free period.” She explained curtly. “A period free from you.”

Chuckling, Junhui leaned back on his elbows. “You’ll never be free from me.”

“I’m starting to realize this.” She muttered underneath her breath. “Don’t you have someone else you can bother? What about that girl from Class D? Haven’t you been hanging out with her?”

Junhui groaned dramatically. “She wants me to meet her parents. Can you believe that? Why do these girls always think that we’re dating?”

“Maybe because you send them flowers and tell them how beautiful they are.” She offered without looking up from her book. “Something in there might give them the wrong impression.”

“It’s all just a bit of fun.” He sighed. “Fun that they always seem to ruin. Looks like I’m going to have to text her and call it off.”

“I think you should start drafting up contracts with these girls.” She returned sarcastically. “With I will never meet a girl’s parents in big bold letters at the top so they won’t get the wrong idea.”

Pouting, Junhui sat up and nudged her with his elbow. “That’s not entirely true, I’ve met your parents.”

“I’m basically your sister.” She scoffed. “That doesn’t count and you know it.”

“Ugh, all this talk is giving me a headache.” He deflected, scooting slightly and lying his head down in her lap.

When she didn’t respond or acknowledge his actions, he started to squirm. A minute passed, two, and she still didn’t say anything. Her lips twitched slightly in amusement at Junhui’s evident displeasure. He never liked it when he was ignored, he was just like a little kid in that sense. It was the one thing that she was able to hold over him. She never felt the need to indulge him like everyone else.

“C’mooon…” He whined. “Pay attention to me!”

She shook her head. “I’m busy.”

“But I’m bored!” He continued. “At least read to me or something.”

“If I read to you will you shut up?” She sighed, deciding to at least meet him halfway. “Because if you’re going to keep bothering me—”

“You know listening to someone drone on and on always puts me to sleep.” He stated, shifting slightly in her lap. “I’ll be out before you know it.”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Thanks for calling me boring.”

He smirked triumphantly. “Anytime.”

“Whatever.” She grumbled. “You better keep your promise.”

As she read Anne of Green Gables to him, she could feel him drifting off. Subconsciously she started running her fingers through his hair, something she used to do when they were young and honest. Moments like these truly made her miss the old Junhui, made her wish that he would act more like this around all of his other “friends”. She always regretted these moments because she would get too attached to them. Even if she knew that she could only get a few minutes like this with him a day she foolishly yearned for more.

Sometimes she wondered why she was so different. Why he didn’t treat her like all the other girls. Perhaps it was insecurity, but she always knew it was because he never saw her as a woman. She was just the childhood friend, the crutch, the person he leaned on yet never wanted to be with. It didn’t bother her, not really. Her romantic feelings for him died off long ago. The Junhui she loved was gone.

In the following months she did her best to distance herself from him. She was finally fed up with being Junhui’s obligatory best friend. Their friendship had always felt one sided, he only ever came to her when he was bored or running away from his latest fling. So avoiding him wasn’t even that difficult. All she had to do was hang out with her friends and he wouldn’t even bother with her. He didn’t want to be seen by her side.

“Why do I feel like you’re ignoring me?” He asked towards the end of their junior year. “Like—more than usual.”

Taking a sip of water, she didn’t even bother to look at him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“There it is!” He exclaimed. “Right there! You’re mad at me!”

“Why would I be mad at you?” She sighed laboriously. “Do you ever think before you speak?”

“I’m very good at knowing when a woman is mad at me.” He returned, his chest puffing with pride. “I’ve practically made pissing off others an art form.”

She flipped through her flashcards. “If you think you know me at all then you’re more delusional than you let on.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He asked, almost offended. “We’ve known each other since we were kids! I know you better than anyone else!”

“Then why don’t you tell me why I’m mad at you.” She challenged in a dry tone. “If you even want to call it that.”

Pursing his lips, Junhui, for once in his life, was at a loss for words. “I—I don’t—I don’t know…”

“Looks like I’ve made my point.” She clipped. “Get lost Junhui. I’m busy.”

“Don’t be like this.” He tried to persuade her. “Seeing you upset like this always makes me sad.”

She wasn’t swayed. “Why don’t you go find someone who will fawn over you. That always makes you happy.”

“Is that was this is about?” Junhui asked in disbelief. “You’re pissed at me because I’m popular?”

If she rolled her eyes any harder they would’ve rolled right out of her head. “You’re an idiot.”

Junhui leaned back and crossed his arms in exasperation. “I’m an idiot because I can’t read your mind?”

“You’re an idiot because you honestly think that there can’t be a plausible explanation why I’d ever be pissed at you.” She informed him with a glare. “Unless you actually think your popularity has anything to do with this. And if that is the case then idiot is far too kind of a word for you.”

“I don’t believe this right now.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “I thought we were friends and yet you won’t even talk to me—”

“In what world are we friends?” She interjected angrily. “Name one time in the past two years we’ve hung out outside of school. When’s the last time you came over to study or play video games? Have I ever met your other friends? Have you met mine? What’s my favorite band right now? What did I get on my last English test? Answer any one of these questions and I’ll consider calling you my friend.”

Watching Junhui’s mouth flutter open and shut was enough of an answer for her.

“That’s what I thought.” She sighed, packing up her things and swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Look at it this way, you won’t have to pretend not to be my friend anymore during school. Won’t that make your life so much easier? Isn’t that what I’ve always been good for?”

They didn’t speak after that. She barely even looked his way. Life continued on, nothing really changed for either of them. Girls still chased after him, she still studied diligently, it was like their friendship had almost zero influence over either of their lives. It was a sad thought, one she tried not to dwell on, because even if she was thankful to be rid of him she couldn’t deny that she missed him.

She missed spending time with him, missed laughing over stupid jokes and going out for ramen because one of them had a craving. She missed the Junhui that belonged to her, as selfish as that sounded. Not that he was hers and hers alone, but she didn’t want anything to do with the Junhui that seemed to belong to everyone else. Maybe that was best for both of them.

All throughout senior year he tried to reach out to her. Some days her locker would be stuffed with letters and notes, each were thrown directly into the garbage without a second thought. It was—kind. She really should’ve given him a chance. Of course at that point she knew she was mostly being stubborn, that she was the problem not him, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to confront him. Her own pride prevented them from fixing a problem that could’ve been solved long ago.

“Hey.” He said to her during graduation after cornering her on the roof. “Sorry for tricking you.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “I figured it wasn’t Jisoo, his Chinese isn’t that good.”

“I’m shocked you can even still read Chinese.” Junhui chuckled. “You were always so adamant against learning it.”

“Sometimes I like to surprise you.” She smirked. “What’d you want to talk about anyway?”

“Well—” He started hesitantly. “I really didn’t want to leave today without clearing the air between us. No matter how much you protested the matter.”

Blushing slightly, she ran an anxious hand through her hair. “Sorry about that. I’ve—I’ve sort of been an ass about the whole thing.”

“You’re telling me!” Junhui agreed with a smile. “I’ve been chasing you around for the past year!”

“Hey, I’m sorry.” She apologized once more. “But I appreciate the persistence, I wasn’t sure you even cared.”

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “There was no way I was going to let you end our friendship without first knowing the truth. After the shock wore off that day I was running around the school looking for your but you were gone.”

“O-oh?” She stammered. “Really?”

He offered her a shy grin. “Yeah. I hadn’t realized until that moment how I was treating you could’ve easily been confused for shame. I’ve never been ashamed of being your friend, I hope you know that.”

Unsure of how to feel, she nibbled on her lower lip. “I guess—I guess I didn’t know that.”

“And that’s totally on me.” He admitted honestly. “What you mistook for a “hidden friendship” was actually—you’re my only friend. And I literally mean that, everyone else gets on my nerves. I wasn’t avoiding you during school, I was always trying to get away from my swarming fans to find you. Hanging out with you between classes was—it was the one thing I looked forward to during my day. I hate how everyone fawns over me.”

Her jaw dropped in shock. “Wait—what? Now I know you’re lying. You’ve been totally eating up all of this attention since freshman year!”

“About that…” He pressed his lips together. “The only reason why I pretended to like it was because—because I thought that if all the other girls liked the cool, calm, and collected Junhui that maybe—maybe you would—”

Oh no.

Junhui swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Confession time. I’ve sort of been in love with you since we were kids. I’ve always loved how confident you are, how you don’t take shit from anyone, how unapologetic you are, but I never had the courage to tell you how I felt. After we entered high school and everyone just assumed that I was this hotshot cool kid that was enough to make me start believing that I could tell you. And when you didn’t treat me any differently, when I was still the same Junhui to you, I actually fell more in love.

“It was weird. No matter what everyone else thought of me, no matter how much it was rubbed in your face, you never treated me differently. You’ve known the truth all along and you liked me for me, not some image everyone painted me as. I planned on confessing to you eventually, but you always brushed me off. Every time I found you you were already running for the hills.”

When he paused to gauge her reaction, to hear some sort of response, she realized that she was frozen in place. She didn’t want to believe him, or at least a huge part of her didn’t, but she knew that he wasn’t lying. He would never lie to her about something so important. She just had no idea what to say or what to think, his confession had sent her mind reeling.

“You don’t have to like me back.” He added suddenly. “I never thought that you would, you’ve always seemed so annoyed with me. You’ve always compared us to siblings and I can be a real dickish little brother. And—and after what I put you through, even if it wasn’t intentional, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me.”

She had to tuck her head to her chin to hide the blush creeping up her neck. “Why are you always so dramatic?”

Blinking in disbelief, Junhui burst out laughing. “That’s what you finally say after I confess to you? You had my stomach in knots for that?”

“Well what am I supposed to say!” She exclaimed, slightly frustrated. “How was I supposed to know you had any sort of feelings for me whatsoever! I haven’t prepared for this!”

Sighing, he took a couple of steps towards her. “This isn’t a test. You could’ve prepared for weeks and you wouldn’t have been ready.”

“Some mental preparation would’ve been nice at least!” She continued to protest. “You can’t just spring this on me like—that’s not fair!”

“Why are you the one freaking out?” He asked, clearly amused. “I’m the one who confessed! If you’re going to drag out this rejection I swear to God—”

“Who said I was going to reject you!” She halfway shouted without realizing what she said. “I mean—y-you shouldn’t put words in a girls mouth like that! I—I have my own opinions and you shouldn’t speak for me!”

A dangerous look sparked in Junhui’s eyes as he closed the remaining distance between them. “So why don’t you tell me what you want to say then? You can’t keep me waiting all day, we have to graduate in a couple of hours.”

“N-no one’s making you stay up here…” She mumbled nervously. “You’re free to go…”

“No way in hell I’m leaving this rooftop without an answer.” He stated plainly, crossing his arms. “I’m not letting you leave either.”

Her eyes widened in shock, her blush deepened even further. “Th-that’s not fair! Wen Junhui, if you don’t leave right now I’m—I’m going to—”

“You’re going to—what?” He challenged confidently. “Call me names? Expose an embarrassing fact of my childhood to our classmates? I hate to burst your bubble but there isn’t anything you can do that’ll sway me from—”

She interrupted him by grabbing at his lapel and pulling him down for a chaste kiss. It was quick, sudden, it sent a shiver down her spine. She hadn’t kissed a lot of boys in her life, but that was definitely the best. The brash action was enough to stun Junhui to a point where he couldn’t move, giving her the perfect chance to escape. Willing the nervous tension from her joints, she quickly bolted towards the door just as he came to his senses.

“See you at graduation!” She teased. “My little JunJun.”

“You’re the worst girlfriend ever!” He shouted after her. “I hope you know that!”