#lucigast

The Snow, The Fire, The Blood

what if I wrote that instead chat. What if I wrote about Caleb showing up to the hospital and not recognizing the man he once loved. The one he married and was happy with before it all went so wrong. What if I wrote his guilt and his dispare and his vindication.

what if I wrote about Lucien waking up, but he doesn’t remember anything chat. What if all he knew was “Empty”, what if he cralwed out of what was supposed to be his grave with no understanding of who he used to be.

what if there was months of rehabilitation, cognitive therapy, tests, and Lucien at twenty five is not only freshly divorced with no support system, but had been diagnosed with traumatic amnesia. He doesn’t remember anything—he has a traumatic brain injury. He has no reference for currency, who he is, how society functions.

what if Caleb, first driven by guilt as he learns that Lucien was hit on the way to Caleb’s house—their old house—with flowers in the back seat and Caleb’s favourite dessert (a letter to be left on his front porch, not an apology, because Lucien never apologizes, but something else. Maybe something too sweet to say to Caleb’s face, maybe something about how he missed his stupid face in the mornings or regretted the fact that they got the bloody divorce in the first place), spends hours at his bedside knowing that for all their acrimony, they were each others once.

what if all of Caleb’s friends think he’s foolish, making a mistake for a man who never cared for him the way he cared. What if they have no idea that whoever the person in the hospital bed is, it’s not Lucien anymore. What if they keep telling Caleb to stop doing this to himself. Lucien doesn’t deserve your time of day. Leave him Caleb, don’t let him drag you back in.

what if Caleb was Mollymauk’s whole world? What if the medical system never had it changed to them being divorced? What if every victory Mollymauk has he does it for his husband whom once he learns what that means he falls deeply, unquestionably in love with?

he was Caleb’s husband, Caleb was his. They were each others.

what if Caleb fell in love himself? Their divorce isn’t even a full year behind him, but here he is, sitting in the hospital room, helping Mollymauk with his dexterity exercises. Smiling as he sticks his tongue out and knowing full well how much this is going to hurt when the truth comes out.

WHAT IF MOLLYMAUK THOUGHT THEY WERE MARRIED EVERY BLOODY DAY IN THAT HOSPITAIL. that Caleb wasn’t brave enough to tell him the truth, not when he was so fragile.

WHAT IF CALEB BROUGHT HIM HOME? Hm chat? What if Caleb knew he should have told Mollymauk hours, days, months ago the truth, but now he has the crushing guilt that to Mollymauk, Caleb is his whole world. The person he proudly introduced as his husband to everyone he meets—much to the neighbours confusion—isn’t his. They haven’t been together from the start.

WHAT IF ONCE MOLLYMAUK KNEW ALL HE COULD SAY WAS: “You were mine.”