#lqr

qiren-xiong, i'm pretty sure there's clan precepts about vanity...

PROPAGANDA:

[Gandalf]

"Gotta put those big naturals to use somehow."

[Lan Qiren]

part 1 part 2 part 4

Lan Qiren: That photo of Wei Ying looks like a rabid dog. It looks like he’s about to bite you

Lan Xichen: I don’t think Wangji would be opposed to that

Lan Wangji: I would not be

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Wei Wuxian: Jiang Cheng, this is what happens when you leave early, me and Lan Zhan make pacts to get married at 50 in a Victoria’s Secret

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wwx, reading from his phone: Tauruses like Nie-xiong and Scorpios like Jiang Cheng are very compatible in bed! Scorpios love to play games and Taurus’ aren’t opposed to being tied up!

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Jin Guangyao: The way I speak is like a passive aggressive business email

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jc to wwx: I’ve realised that being emo in the bathroom is boring and you are more fun than the bathroom

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Nie Huaisang: If I were to fuck an ostrich, that would mean— *looks at jc* —wait, no, that doesn’t make sense

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Lan Jingyi to Jin Ling: You should indoctrinate your jiujiu into gay culture

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Wen Ning to lqr: Hi! Just wanted to let you know, due to an unfortunate mix up at the hospital your great-nephew Lan Sizhui is actually the antichrist. Sorry to bother you, have a good day *hangs up*

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jc to wangxian: STOP BEING ALLOSEXUAL THE WORLD IS ENDING

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Wen Chao: Why isn't women's rights in the fiction section?

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nhs to lxc: Er-ge, is there any pornography in the Cloud Recesses library pavilion?

lxc, flustered: There may be a few… um…"adult" books but I always promptly dispose of them

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lxc enthusiastically to wwx: *points to lwj* Is that your type of man? Are you a DILF liker?

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wwx: *finds a wheeled chair and starts rolling around on it*

jc: Should we start placing bets as to how long it'll take before he hurts himself?

nhs: I think it'll be somewhere around 30 minutes from now

*precisely 30 mins later on the dot*

wwx: I hurt myself

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ljy: How long is your colon?

jl: Long enough

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ljy: Earth has no rizz. It's pulling no bitches. Look at Saturn and Jupiter, they're getting plenty of bitches

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ljy about lsz's essay: 4 pages sizhui? really??

lsz: Yas gurl 💅✨

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nhs: Would you rather be a fucking bitch or a bitch-fucker

jc: I'd rather be a fucking bitch 

wwx: I'd rather be a bitch fucker

nhs: I'd rather be both. I could be fucked by bitches and fuck bitches

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jc in the middle of a conversation: Anyway, back to how my house burnt down and how my father doesn't love me

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ljy: *sings celtic lullabies next to a river*

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wwx: I love my shidi but sometimes he's a bit of a poo

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Wen Qing: With enough sheer force, a penis can easily be ripped off

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oyzz: Hammering is slang for sex

jl: Hammered is also slang for being drunk

wn: I thought hammer meant to get off work?

lsz: I was thinking of hammerhead sharks

ljy: I was thinking of a fucking hammer

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nhs: the only D I get is in my grades

jc: the only D I want is death

lwj: the only D I want is Dwei Ying

wwx: The only D i’ll get is a DUI

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wwx: Lets decompose dead bodies for fertilizer!

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nhs: lan-xiansheng, can we do something illegal in class today?

jc: Like hunting Wei Wuxian for sport!

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wwx to lwj: Everyone looks good in white button-up shirts, you’re not unique

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jgy: My mother is a grown adult. She can decide who she fucks, although that would be considered adultery. So long as you don’t get to tell me what to do, feel free to fuck either of my parents

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Jin Guangshan: Great! Now that Qin Su is gone, I can tell you about the time I slept with her mother!

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wwx: If you ever think you want to die, ask yourself; Do I want to die, or do I want to be a crow?

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lsz: Oh dear me! The fuck ass tunnel is blocked by a fuck ass puddle!

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Mo Xuanyu: I have the most siblings! I win!

Xue Yang: So your parents fuck the most. That's not an accomplishment

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Nie Mingjue about jgy: I hate his point shoes, I hate how he drives, I hate how he cries—

lxc: How does he drive?

nmj: Like a fucking bitch!

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Hm. This red-and-black, audacious and shameless demonic cultivating, Wangji-obsessed twink is very Wei Wuxian coded... what if he is Wei Wuxian?

But!

Wei Wuxian is dead, has been dead for 13 years...

Dead people generally stay dead...

So it is likely that this Mo Xuanyu is just Some Guy™️ and Wangji just has A Type™️

Perhaps he is moving on or something

Ah, yes, of course, silly me! How could that be Wei Wuxian?

And then like. 2 volumes later.

*Meanwhile*

Lan Xichen, looking at Nie Mingjue: (I want him to exhaust me everynight, as much he desires. I wish to waking up next to him everyday. I would love it so much!)

Later