#lowkey crack

The traffic would not move, a long, brutal line of tail lights bleeding red into the afternoon haze, and you could feel panic and frustration building in your chest the way a storm swells at sea. Jason kept both hands on the wheel, expression patient in that lazy, amused way he had when you tightened your jaw over things that outraged you, but you were watching the clock on the dashboard like it was a cruel joke and every minute ticked away your chance to make it back in time.

You had promised to be home for your niece’s kindergarten recital, a small thing and utterly important, and for reasons that mattered more than a calendar appointment the idea of missing those five minutes felt like failing something tender and inconsequential all at once.

A delivery truck crawled ahead, a construction van sat stalled in the left lane, and some inattentive driver three cars up had decided that inching forward like a turtle was their personal protest against progress, and you rubbed your hand along the steering wheel until the leather warmed under your palm. Jason glanced at you, an eyebrow raised in sympathetic amusement, and you tried to force a grin that bled away as soon as you saw the driver behind you lay on his horn with the thin, impatient blare of someone who thought the world owed him speed.

The horn shrieked again and again, a mechanical accusation, and before you could think it through you shoved your arm out the window and gave him the exact, obscene gesture that felt like the only honest punctuation for how you felt.

You heard muffled yelling almost immediately, a string of angry syllables carried by the open window, and the sound hit you like a dare. You snapped the car door open before Jason could say anything, shoulders already coiled, jaw set, and you swung your legs out with the kind of motion that meant you intended to move fast and hard.

“What is your problem?” you barked, voice sharp and ready, stepping forward with your hands flying into the air besides you because there was no time to fumble with politeness.

Jason watched you for a heartbeat, his mouth twitching at the corner as he tried not to laugh outright, the sight of your fury both ridiculous and entirely familiar to him, and then he dropped his amusement away because the man in the truck had already yanked his door open and was striding out, face red and words tumbling out in a messy, threatening tumble. The other man's anger looked bigger in the street than it had sounded through the horn, and your forward momentum would have put you chest to chest with him in less than a second if Jason had not moved.

He was up before you fully registered his motion, arms wrapping around you from behind with practiced ease, the kind of hold that stopped you without insulting your strength, and he planted his feet to brace both of you against the slight shove of the street.

“Babe,” he said quietly into your ear, voice low and steady, every syllable a soft tether, “don’t do this here.”

You twisted slightly, eyes blazing, wanting to break free and show the man exactly what a person who had been raised to stand up for the small and precious things looked like when she snapped, but Jason’s grip was firm and warm and impossibly patient, and you could feel the tension ease by the barest degree because his hands steadied you in a way words could not.

The other guy strode closer, chest puffed, and the heat of the moment thudded in your ears like a drum, but with Jason holding you back you were forced to breathe, to measure, to choose.

“You know he’s going to think twice if you actually clock him,” Jason grumbled, a soft amusement threading his voice now that the danger felt contained, and even as the corner of your mouth threatened a grin the absurdity of being held like this in the middle of a jammed city street made it impossible not to laugh.

The man kept yelling, and the world felt suspended between your fists and the restraint of the man behind you, but Jason’s presence, warm and unshakable, made the choice for you simple in the end: you stayed, you breathed, and you let the other driver fume and holler himself out while you folded the anger like a piece of paper and let it sit on the passenger seat.

Jason eased his arms from around you, not because he wanted to release you but because the moment had cooled enough for him to be gentler. He tapped your hip with a grin that was half chastisement and half pride. “You were going to make a huge fucking mess,” he said softly, his eyes crinkling. “We both know you’d have loved every minute of it.”

You leaned back into him, forehead resting briefly against the column of his shoulder, and the absurdity of nearly starting a brawl over a honk tugged a laugh from you, small and breathy. “I know,” you admitted, voice low, feeling the fight in your limbs settle into a smolder that would be saved for a more private occasion. "And as much as I want to reverse into his jackass truck, we have to get to the school... now."

Jason kissed the top of your head, the motion as casual and certain as any promise, and he guided you back into the car with a hand at the small of your back.

(Un)Fortunately for Jason, this wasn't something that was reserved for innocent traffic jams.

Later that night, the air smelled of smoke and scraped metal as the first wave of attackers crashed through the warehouse doors, and you didn’t even pause to think.

"This is what we have to deal with?" The one man scoffed out a laugh in reaction to seeing you standing there, and you couldn't help the twitch of your lips.

"Are you fucking serious? You're the ones who are so fucking afraid you have masks on, at least you know whose going to beat the shit out of you." You barked and without hesitation, you sprinted forward, fists clenched, muscles coiled, ready to throw every ounce of yourself at the nearest thug, your anger from the traffic jam earlier still simmering like fuel for the storm.

“Fuck me..” Jason grumbled to himself, already running after you, his eyes scanning the room for openings and weak points. “Don’t just run in!”

You spun toward him, jaw tight, eyes blazing. “Run in? Jason, if I wait, they’re going to—”

Before you could finish, a man swung a crowbar at a terrified bystander, and the sound of wood connecting with metal made your blood boil. You lunged, moving faster than instinct should allow, sending your first attacker flying across the concrete floor with a well-placed punch that rattled his teeth.

“Fuck's sake! Hold on-...” Jason’s voice cut through the chaos, but he didn’t move toward the attacker, he moved toward you, catching your arm and yanking you back just as a second thug came around with a knife.

You twisted in his grip, eyes flaring. “I can handle this! Let go!” you snapped, ready to swing, fists coiled like loaded springs.

Jason’s hold tightened slightly, bracing his weight to keep you steady. “I know you can,” he said, voice low but steady. “But this isn’t traffic anymore. You can’t just flip out at everyone who honks their horn.”

You froze for a heartbeat, blinking in disbelief before a laugh escaped, sharp and breathless. “It feels exactly the same!” you shot back, shaking your head. “Same adrenaline, same rage, just bigger stakes!”

Jason smirked despite the tension, eyes warm, and he loosened his hold just enough to let you pivot but kept himself between you and the nearest attackers. “Yeah, bigger stakes,” he murmured, eyes flicking to a pair of men circling behind a crate. “Which means we have to be smart. Not just fast.”

You huffed, still coiled with energy, and glanced around the room. Every thug that made a sudden move toward the hostages or your flank sent a jolt of fury through you, and Jason’s hands returned to your arms several times, steadying you before you could barrel into the nearest group of attackers.

Finally, when one of the men tried to sneak around behind some machinery, you lunged — with Jason at your side this time, moving in perfect sync, his calm guiding your fire into precise, devastating blows that made every attack count. You still hit hard, still threw yourself into the fray, but with him there, your rage became controlled, almost elegant, every punch and kick a controlled storm instead of chaos.

By the time the last attacker was restrained, your chest heaving, knuckles scraped, and adrenaline still roaring through your veins, Jason dropped his hands from your arms and let you step back. You were shaking, both from exertion and the thrill of battle, and he reached for your shoulder, brushing the sweat-soaked strands of hair from your face.

“See?” he said quietly, voice teasing but proud. “You’re unstoppable when you don’t try to take the whole world out at once.”

You blinked, letting out a shaky laugh, the tension easing from your shoulders just enough to grin. “Unstoppable, huh? I’ll take it,” you admitted, finally letting yourself sink onto a crate nearby, still catching your breath. “But next time, I’m not letting anyone honk at me in traffic or in a nasty warehouse, got it?”

Jason chuckled softly, brushing a finger along your knuckles with a gentle touch. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, leaning against the crate beside you. “And maybe next time, we save the rage for the really big guys.”

You smirked, letting the fire inside you simmer rather than burn out. “Maybe,” you said, voice low but playful, “..no promises."

ᝰ.ᐟ edawgz 2025.

He wiped his phone dry as His feet stomped into the mud.

"supposed to be studying for Law exams... Fuck this shit Why do I even hang out with these idiots..." The Platinum blonde hissed. As soon as he turned the flashlight on his phone I figured jumped at him from the dark.

"ARAAA- BLAAAHH-OUCH FUCK!"

Without hesitation he slammed his umbrella down on the unfortunate soul. Sadly not killing his friend instantly.

"Man learn how to take a joke... Leviathan... "

The Green eyed Male mocked making sure to include Levi's online name.

"Don't call me that, IRL dipshit." He mutters, pushing Beelzebub out of the way, before taking a seat on one of the pillows in a circle with little candles around and an old Ouija board in the middle. All seven seats now occupied.

The man in the center takes one of the flashlights and lights up his face. "You're probably wondering why I've called here tonight, boys." 'Satan' grins immediately when one of the other online group members speaks up. "You'd better. Do you know how hard it is to find a babysitter to babysit my sweet little Mir at this hour? Belphie is already passing out..." 'Asmodeus' hisses through his fake smile. He was a single father, and beauty sleep was almost as important as the safety of his sweet little one.

"Tell them and watch them do exactly eyes that I'd say they do... " Mammon rolls his eyes Satan pushes him over before starting.

"and loving memory of our dear friend Solomon We all miss him.. I think it'd be a great idea to talk to him one more time! "

Lucifer sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, before getting up The rest of the group had a disapproving look on their face before getting up Satan's eyes went wide, stopping the group.

"WAIT WAIT FUCK YOU GUYS DON'T FUCKING GO! Solomon started to occult club in high school! Now we all moved on either with jobs or in college Don't you want to see him one more time! "

His friend stopped in his tracks, and they looked conflicted, guilty, and hurt.

Lucifer pipes up "I miss him just as much as you do but..."

Leviathan interjects, "Yeah, no, I'm not calling my dead friend in a 3:00 a.m. challenge in an abandoned building with a fake ass Ouija board."

Satan yells "THIS IS NOT A FUCKING YOUTUBE VIDEO!"

Beelzebub perks up in the middle of pressing the record button "It's not?"

Satan hits his shoulder before sitting levi back down "No we're still going to record it It's not going to be for a YouTube video though..."

"and plus This isn't fake... I went to this one store super witchcrafty and purchased some shit." Satan rambles on going through the plastic bag that was right next to him this whole time.

Lucifer still reluctant now even more so that he sat back down His hands slide into his shirt to rub his pendant "... No I'm not doing witchcraft. Ghost is one thing but what if we summon some demon?"

Mammon's eyebrows raise his smile widens "are you scared? Thought you said there was no such thing as demons or ghosts?"

Lucifer's eyebrow twitched before he opened his mouth to say something. Only to get interrupted by the goth man sleeping just prior. "I heard demons. I'm up, I'm in." Belphegor yawned. The group could tell he had just left his house because his Sailor Moon pajamas were still on.

Yelling and bantering Go on as Satan follows exactly what he saw in the movies and in the end of his ritual they sat back in the circle putting all their hands on the old Ouija board.

"material quality nice.... Where'd you get this?" Mammon muttered at Satan.

"Solomon gave this thing to me before he passed. Said something about don't use it or whatever-.

All the sudden the candles blow out, a chill went down everyone's spine as they heard the scratching on the wooden board. As if a being is trying to claw It's way free. The scratching stops and that's when Satan opened his mouth.

" S-Spirit are you here?!" Satan calls out.

They all felt it: the wooden block scraping toward 'yes.' The group of men's eyes were wide, their hands and palms sweaty and shaking. They could hear nothing but their hearts pounding in their chests. Everyone was silent before someone blurted out a question.

"How many pickles can you shove up your ass?!" Beelzebub yelled out his words, echoing through the abandoned halls.

The group of men tried to stifle out their laughter as the wooden block started to move.

6-

"Six?"

6-

"SIXTY-SIX?!"

6

"SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX!!"

Leviathan cut the group off answering the being a question.

"Is this Solomon?" The laughter is immediately died down there was no movement as the air begin to get colder before the wooden piece scraped against the board

NO

The group held their breaths who they were talking to wasn't Solomon Lucifer's grip wanting to slip not wanting to be involved in this no longer however Satan stopped him "keep your hand on the board! If one of us let's go we might set whoever we're talking to free!"

However no one want to ask a question no one wanted to say anything else well except for one.

Belphegor who had been silent trying not to fall asleep asked another question.

"What are you?"

"T-R-A-P-E-D"

"F-R-E M-E"

"Damn this bitch can't spell..." Leviathan muttered.

The board started to shake as soon as The words left his mouth. The wooden piece scratching wild lay across the board spelling words

"V-E-S-S-E-L"

"H-E L-E-F-T M-E T-O R-O-T"

"F-R-E-E M-E"

"F-R-E-E M-E"

"F-R-E-E M-E"

"GOODBYE!" Say and yelled, trying to push and force the wooden piece to move to goodbye, but it wouldn't move within human strength, slowly scraping against the wooden board, it spelled one last message. The wooden block scrapes against the wood as the man tries to fight back, going letter after letter, spelling something intelligible- inhuman. The circle that Satan made begins to burn and sizzle, glowing red hot. Feeling a weird sensation in their chests they still try to push forth. The block of wood from the friction begin to splinter and crack before bursting open, the men recoiled as the piece of wood exploded in front of them, their hands back, their fingers burning as if touching a hot stove.

"hello world"

A voice calls from the empty halls a voice that none of them know.

That burning sensation from their fingertips.

The candles re light like it only barely see in front of them a person stands their wings flapping, their tail tucked neatly around their leg They have a toothy grin on their face they're horns curved upward and their wings keeping them above the ground leathery almost draconic.

"My what cute little humans!" The demonic being speaks the seven men are speechless.

"though... This place is cold and wet and I don't like it here... I'm going to have to knock you out now! Night night! But we will meet again Thank you for letting me free!"

Before Lucifer can reach for something to repel you You turn into some beast attacking each and every one of his friends.

-> 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨 "𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐲" 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐨

Was spamming your phone when you abruptly ended the call.

Dark Impulses™

Legit thought you didn't want to talk to him and didn't even care enough to come up with a valid excuse

Then he saw the video and man just snapped. No he did not find it funny -he did but you needed help-

"Sanzu get the car, some fucking animals are harassing my angel."

Now Sanzu thought that actual people were harassing you so he hurried his ass up-

Then they pulled up to your location where the turkeys at this point were pecking at your car.

Mikey, the ever crazy and nonchalant fuck just walked up there and grabbed those two turkeys by their throat, not caring at all.

"Should've minded your own damn business and pick another person to bother."

-Yeah he strangled them to death-

Opened the door of your car and hugged you, back to his usual calm demeanor.

-Please praise Mikey or Sanzu will give you hell for making him miss his break and stain Mikey's hands with filthy blood like that-

"You must've been terrified, I killed them. Now never hang up on me again."

-> 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮

Laughed his ass off at the video.

Continued to laugh his ass off more menacingly as he grabbed his katana and got in the car.

Takeomi probably thought Sanzu was high on some new drug -he probably was-

Those turkeys weren't letting you talk to him!

Man pulled up to fight the turkeys with a whole katana.

"Come at me you feathery fucks."

Lowkey the turkeys were winning for a second cuz they caught him by surprise but Sanzu slaughtered them.

He probably had a few feathers stuck in his hair and suit.

Made you clean him because technically this was your fault.

From then on Sanzu harbours a deep hatred towards Turkeys considering how much of a petty bitch he is.

And keeps them far away from you.

Whenever he's presented with one:

"If you don't remove these bird bitches from my sight I'll put you in the slaughterhouse instead."

-> 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

Ran would find your excuse pretty funny and creative when you explained why you couldn't pick up the phone then he saw the video.

Would tease you the entire time.

But then he'll realize they're messing up your schedule and you literally can't get out of the car.

Probably gonna bring a few butchers with him when he arrives.

On God imagine the turkeys start chasing him when he arrives.

Now Ran is pissed instead, they ruined his pants.

"Make it slow and painful."

The butchers need a raise.

Ran gonna very gently knock on your car door and once you open up he'll smile.

Always brings it up for shits and giggles to tease you until he's reminded of how they ruined their pants.

"We'll be having turkey for dinner tonight honey~"

-> 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

You give the turkey excuse and man boutta send a whole 10 minute voice-mail of how bullshit your excuse was but quickly deleted it once you send the video.

Gonna save the video and laugh his ass off the entire month at it.

Rindou quickly arrived to your location to stand there still for 10 minutes because he was too busy recording how the turkeys harassed you.

"PFFFFT! Don't worry babe, you can fight them!"

If you actually become frustrated or they peck at you he's gonna shoot them dead.

Man went from 🤣💀 to 😐 in seconds once on of the turkeys actually caused the slightest bruise as you tried to get out.

Rin is the only one allowed to torment you!... Physically at least-

Whenever you disobey Rindou he'll try to use the turkeys as a threat.

And he'll never let it go that he helped you.

"Don't raise your voice at me, I can literally go buy 5 fucking turkeys to torment you. I'm not going to save you like I did last time."

-> 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢

Koko needing a minute to process the video.

But yes god just did that to you.

Turns this in his favor.

When he arrives at the scene Koko will somehow manipulate the turkeys fight each other instead.

Gonna take bids from whatever poor souls that were around and decided to watch.

"Yes this is legal, now shut the fuck up and bid something or leave."

Man said fuck the police and their rules.

Pulled you out of the car and left once he collected his money.

Yes he did take you to a nice dinner and you had turkey.

Whether it's those same turkeys or not you never found out.

Koko made it clear he paid with the turkey money.

"Enjoy it as much as you want darling~"

-> 𝐊𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐨

Lowkey worried.

Like are you okay? You stopped responding to him?

When he saw the video he actually laughed then felt bad-

Quickly got up and drove to your location to help you.

The entire drive he was on the call with you.

"Darling please just stay in the car, I'll be there soon."

Luckily for you you didn't have to witness any blood this time.

He just shooed the turkeys away, probably shot off his gun at the ground to scare them off.

If they stayed it's their fault Kakucho already gave them two chances 🤷‍♀️

"Are you okay? Let's go home and properly check you, what if they hurt you and gave you some sort of sickness."

-> 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢

Man's too tired for this bullshit.

Saw the video and lowkey wanted to pretend it didn't exist but then again he'd choose you over all.

Lowkey he did let out a few chuckles escape.

Pulled up to the scene with a whole hunting rifle. Probably stole it from Ran or smth.

The Akashi siblings bringing weapons to fight birds.

No he does not know how to use it.

"Alright, how hard can it be?"

Takeomi probably killed some innocent civilian walking by.

But hey it got the turkeys away.

Just know he'll make you do smth because of this, give and take right?

You'll be teased for an entire month for this.

You're driving him home. And he's getting more affection privileges.

-And being able to smoke inside the house again-

Will bring it up if you don't answer the phone.

"Are the turkeys harrassing you again or smth? Answer the damn phone."

-> 𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢 𝐌𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐢

Lowkey actually believed it when you send the first text.

But then he saw the video and straight up laughed for a few minutes before doing a Rindou and just 😐

He was walking out of his office with a purpose.

Takeomi regretted asking what was happening.

"[Y/N]'s being held captive by turkeys, Imma need to go help them."

Akashi's illegitimate sibling as he pulled up to the turkeys to fight.

But instead, Mochi use his fists.

Yes you did record Mochi fighting some birds.

He won, but like Sanzu got feathers all over him.

Mochi WILL take those turkeys home to make as dinner as some personal revenge of your own.

He's proud of his accomplishment-

The engagement diamond is barely back on your finger for two minutes when you get bombarded with calls from your friends–a few in particular. Even though your recently set wedding day is still weeks away, they insist on taking you out on a bachelorette bash. 

What can you do except say yes?

-

The moment you step onto the street, a chorus of squeals greet you. Your face lights up as you see your lady squad lounging about one of Bruce Wayne’s limousines. You wave excitedly as you start towards them. 

Selina is sitting on the hood, black dress blending into her background. Her smile, however, is as blinding as ever. 

Stephanie and Cass are huddled together at the front of the group, the former bouncing on her feet and the latter gazing at you fondly. The door closest to them swings open to reveal a waving Barbara, her glasses are off tonight and you think she looks beautiful. 

“Get over here, girl!” Steph finally explodes, running over to catch you up in a hug. You laugh as she lifts you into the air like you weigh nothing, giggling breathlessly when you’re back on solid ground. 

“You look gorgeous,” you compliment her, then turn to the rest of the group. “You all do.”

Selina slides off the hood to greet you, green eyes sparkling. 

“You better get in the car, honey. Someone’s been dying to meet you,” she says, lips quirking mischievously. You gasp as you realize who it might be. 

“You didn’t–Harley!” You yelp joyfully, you’d been itching to meet the lady anti-hero ever since Selina had mentioned her. Sure enough, a pair of pink-and-blue pigtails swing your way from the driver’s seat. 

“Hey, sugar! Nice to meet ya!” Harley Quinn squeals, and your heart flutters madly when you meet her fun-loving gaze. 

“I can’t believe you’re all going to take me out tonight,” you tease as you get in beside Barbara. “It’s gonna be one hell of a send-off with you ladies.”

“Oh, you can count on it.” Steph’s grin is positively wicked as she straps herself in on your other side, Cass joining her. “Step on it, Harls!”

“You got it!”

-

The first place they take you is one of the biggest boutiques in town, Selina leading you all into the shop. Surprise, surprise–it’s been rented out just for you tonight. 

“Bruce is gonna feel tonight on his credit card, huh?” You chuckle as you run a hand over a blue silk dress. 

“You know it, kitten.” Selina smirks. “Nothing he can’t earn back, though. So don’t pay any attention to the budget tonight, sweetheart. It’s on us–with a little help from Batsy’s black card.”

This rouses laughter from everyone, and hands fly to grab gowns off the racks. A few photoshoots later, you’re all decked out in shimmering garments that fall elegantly around you like colorful auras. What’s more, the entire group is covered from head to toe in jewelry, enough to make you shine bright as little suns. The doorbell tinkles over your heads as you file out the door and back into the limo. 

“Where to next? We didn’t spend too long in there,” you say breathlessly. 

“Mhm–you’ll see in just a bit!” Steph titters. Harley snickered from the passenger seat up front, she’d switched off driving duty with Selina.

“I’ll give ya a hint, sugar–if you were this excited to meet little ol’ me, you’ll go absolutely bonkers soon!”

-

Harley was right. 

Your mouth drops open as you crane your neck to see the entirety of the behemoth of a yacht before you. 

“You guys didn’t tell me that you rented out the freaking Titanic!” you squawked, your hair brushing your bare shoulders as you shook your head back and forth in wonder. 

“Well, better be careful with that rock, then. You wouldn’t want to cause this one to sink too!” Barbara joked, referring to your ring as you helped her up the ramp. You grin at her tasteful reference, finally making it to the deck. 

What you don’t expect is the throngs of eyes swinging your way as you stand there with your girls. 

Then you realize that you know some of these people. Recognition spreads in your mind like wildfire as your gaze jumps from person to person. Your friends must’ve pulled a few strings, because you can pick out Wonder Woman and Black Canary from the crowd almost instantly. 

“Oh my god,” you murmur faintly. “I think I’m going to pass out.”

Cass looks mildly alarmed, but calms as she reads your body language. You’re glad for her patience, because you would not have appreciated a trip to the ER because your friends mistook your excitement for illness. 

Just then, Wonder Woman catches you staring at her. Smiling, she says something to Black Canary, and the blonde hero winks at you. You swoon, and Steph makes a show of catching you in her arms. 

“Listen,” you say dreamily, “I know I’m getting married to Jason, but if Dinah Lance asks me out tonight, I just might have to call off the wedding.” 

“Agreed,” Steph sighs, shooting a playful look at Cass. The ravenette shrugs good-naturedly, and it makes you all smile. 

“Let’s go mingle! We’re not going out with anyone if we jus’ keep standing here,'' Harley sings, and with overlapping agreements, you melt into the crowds. It’s a wild experience, flitting through the throngs of heroines in the most ridiculously flashy heels you’ve ever chosen in your life. You’re still reeling after meeting your two favorite Justice League members that you almost miss the clinking of Selina’s glass. 

“May I have your attention?” She purrs, and heads turn. “Thank you all for coming out, I know our bride-to-be really enjoyed herself tonight!” Playful catcalls ring out, and you blush graciously as you remember Dinah’s lips on your cheek. You could’ve died happy right then and there, but you were glad you hadn’t. This had been such an incredible night, and your heart was about ready to burst with love for your friends. 

“It’s almost midnight–let’s send our little bride off!” Barbara calls out. Cheers go up, champagne bottles pop, and suddenly fireworks burst into life overhead as the yacht cruises along Gotham’s glittering coast. You can feel tears of joy sliding down your cheeks, and you let out a happy sob as arms wrap around you. 

“Thank you all so much,” you exclaim, wiping at your face as you bring your arms around your five amazing friends. “This was the best night a girl could’ve asked for.”

“You know it, sugar!” 

Kill me now kill me now kill me now kill me now kill me now. “Ow,” she manages aloud, three seconds from bursting into tears. Marinette wants the ground to swallow her up whole, except if it were going to swallow her right now it would have to swallow Adrien too, meaning she can never get away from him. “Wait, don’t move,” Adrien says, voice right next to her ear, and oh my god help— By some miracle, Marinette manages to stop struggling. She can feel Adrien carefully undoing whatever tangle they’d gotten themselves into, and she wonders if he can hear her heart pounding right in her throat, because that’s what it feels like. The butterflies in her stomach are gone, having evolved into a herd of stampeding elephants. If she had a mirror right now, her face would be royal purple. “Okay,” Adrien finally says softly, and Marinette is at her absolute miserablest. “I think it’s good now.” She picks herself up and away from Adrien at the speed of light, and he gets to his feet as well. “I’m so sorry,” she somehow manages to stammer out, “I’m so, so sorry, I’m madly clumsy and I’ve been all over the place because of you—ackph, no, not you, I mean—I mean, I’m all over the place and I hope you’re not hurt and that I didn’t ruin your beautif—I mean, I hope you’re not hurt!” Smooth, Marinette. He hates you now. Definitely. She summons up enough courage to peek up at his face. Adrien doesn’t look mad, just a bit dazed. “It’s okay, Marinette,” he tells her in that ever-patient voice, green eyes crinkling at the corners. “Accidents happen. Are you hurt anywhere?” He cannot be looking at her like that. The maximum heart rate for somebody her age is two-hundred beats per minute, and Marinette is dead certain hers has jumped to at least three-hundred. Because after all that glaring, Adrien Agreste is looking at her with ridiculously soft, gorgeous green eyes, and she’s going to cry because it’s so confusing. “I’m fine!” she yelps, then practically bolts. It’s only after she gets home, and after at least twelve replays of what had transpired, that Marinette remembers the books Adrien had dropped to catch her. The books that had ended up scattered on the ground; the books that she hadn’t even helped him pick up. Her substantial-sized kwami audience witnesses her screaming into her pillow.

___

A couple of graphs and serious analysis later, Marinette heads to school the next day deciding that Adrien can’t be mad at her. He hadn’t seemed mad when she’d literally knocked him over, just concerned. And was incredibly patient and kind and unfairly attractive. Yup. That was it. But when she walks into the classroom with Adrien already there, he does the exact same thing: dips his head, narrows his eyes, and glares at her. Marinette’s heart drops from her chest to her stomach and promptly stops beating. She thinks she manages to squeak out, “Washroom!” before running, but she can’t even be sure about that.

___

“He is glaring at me,” Marinette laments to Alya after recounting every single detail of what had happened when she crashed down the stairs, “it’s happened four times already! I know I messed up somehow and he hates me now, but what do I even do? Alya, what can I even say to him? Maybe I can just transfer. Maybe maman will homeschool me. Maybe I can move to China? No, I wouldn’t survive there, I’d need a translator. Adrien was my translator before this! Alya, help!” Alya pats her head sympathetically. “No need to get ahead of yourself. Let’s figure out why he’s glaring at you first, if he even is in the first place.” “He definitely is.” “We’ll see,” comes the reply.

___

“Okay,” Alya concludes half a day later as they sit in Marinette’s room. “He definitely is.” Marinette can’t even say see, I’m right and feel good about it. She groans. “I told you so has never felt worse.” “But he doesn’t seem mad,” Alya muses. “Like, apart from that squinting thing he does at you, he still acts pretty normal, right? It’s not like he’s ignoring you or anything like that.” “Yes, but it’s like every time I walk up to Adrien he glowers at me, so maybe it’s his way of telling me he hates me and doesn’t want me around him, but he’s too polite to say it to my face. So when I actually approach him, he forces himself to be nice.” “That’s far fetched, and you know it.” Marinette both hates the fact that Alya was being the voice of reason and appreciates it at the same time. She knows the conclusions she’s jumping to are irrational, but Adrien’s behaviour is still weird no matter how she thinks of it, and there are no logical explanations. She plants her face into her best friend’s shoulder. “This is miserable.” “Maybe you could ask him as Ladybug?” Marinette snorts. “And do what? Hey Adrien, a mutual friend of a friend of mine wanted me to ask you why you’ve been glaring at Marinette Dupain-Cheng? Yeah, that girl. The one in your class. If you could let me know, then I could tell them, and they could tell Marinette so she doesn’t overthink herself to death. Thanks!” “Okay, maybe not. But we’ll figure it out.” Alya reaches for her phone. “Honestly, I can ask him.” “Don’t!” Marinette screeches, and attempts to full-body tackle the phone out of Alya’s hands. “If he hates me already, that’ll just annoy him more!” “I promise you Adrien Agreste doesn’t hate you, but fine—I won’t ask him. Now.” Danger averted, Marinette slides to the floor and lays on the carpet face-down like a starfish. A pathetic, confused, Adrien-hated, starfish. “I can’t go to school like this. Every time he looks at me I think I’m going to die. Why does this happen to me? Why?” Alya, bless her patience and logic, sits down next to Marinette. “You’re Ladybug,” she tells her, “you save the city practically every day. I’m sure you can figure out why your crush has been acting weird, if you can solve those Lucky Charms?” Marinette’s beginning to think that her worst Lucky Charm is nothing compared to this conundrum, but she ends up nodding miserably.

___

Marinette is ignoring him, and Adrien doesn’t know what to make of it. Aside from feeling absolutely devastated. Apart from three days ago when she’d tripped down the stairs and landed on him, they haven’t had a proper conversation. Which is awful, because he’s just beginning to think they’ve gotten somewhere with their friendship. Marinette had even brought him pastries from her family’s bakery when he mentioned his diet was ridiculously strict. They’d studied together; Adrien taught her common phrases in Chinese. It was going well—in fact, it was going much better than at the beginning of the year, when Marinette seemed to tense up every time she saw him and avoided him like the plague. And now, they’re right back at square one. The other day, Adrien had run into her at the locker rooms. He had walked towards her and she looked like she’d seen a ghost. “I need to go,” Marinette had blurted when he was just about to ask her if they could talk, “my hamster’s on dire—I mean fire!” Adrien has come up with plenty of bad excuses since becoming Chat Noir, so he knows one when he sees it. Marinette’s hamster (if she even has one) isn’t on fire. Probably. She just dislikes him again for some reason, and Adrien cannot figure out for the life of him what’s going on. The possibility of Marinette—bright, cheerful, helpful, wonderful Marinette—being upset with him is so awful that he can’t even concentrate in class. By the fourth day, Adrien can’t take it anymore. Since Marinette isn’t approachable, the next best options are Nino and Alya. Adrien Agreste created a group chat with Alya Cesaire, Nino Lahiffe. [16:46] Adrien Hey guys, do you know if I did anything to make Marinette mad at me? [16:47] Nino Why do you think mari’s mad at you??   You know she thinks YOURE mad at her, right This is alya btw im with nino [16:47] Adrien Why would I be mad at her? [16:48] Nino GOD you are so BLONDE Ill tell you tomorrow, you can think about it yourself After his schedule that day, Adrien sits at his desk with Plagg next to him. He takes out a sheet of paper and writes: Reasons Marinette thinks I’m mad at her. “You’re really weird,” Plagg notes, perched on top of the eraser. “Just ask Pigtails, and you’ll find out.” “She’s been avoiding me,” Adrien explains patiently.   “Then make sure she can’t avoid you, and you two can talk about it? Easy.” He wrinkles his nose at Plagg. “You saw that she runs away from me before I can talk to her! And I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. If she’s not mad at me and thinks I’m mad at her… what did I even do to make her feel like I’m mad at her?” “Maybe since she dumped yogurt on your head?” “I know it was just an accident. I literally told Marinette it was completely fine.” "Maybe when she tripped down the stairs and landed on you?” “I wasn’t acting mad after that either. I even asked her if she was okay to make sure she knew I wasn’t upset at her.” “I’m out of ideas,” Plagg announces, reaching for a wheel of camembert. “You’re on your own now, kid.” Turns out, Adrien can’t think of any reasons either. He ends up with a blank sheet of paper and his mind tired of the circles he’s run himself into.

___

“Wow,” Alya comments when he drags himself into the classroom the next day. She’s earlier than most of the class—the only other people are Rose and Juleka, who Adrien waves blearily at. “Did you sleep?” “Not really,” Adrien replies. “I tried to think of reasons, I really did. But I can’t figure it out.” Alya’s expression turns from a teasing grin to wide-eyed pity. “Did you stay up all night trying to figure out why Marinette thinks you’re mad at her?” Adrien nods miserably. “Oh,” Alya says. “Oh boy. I’m sorry for stressing you out, Agreste, but I genuinely did not think you would do that. It was supposed to be a joke.” “Well,” he says, feeling a bit like an idiot, “Marinette’s my good friend, and I wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us. It just feels unfair to her, and I don’t want to see her upset.” “A good friend,” Alya echoes. “Right…” Adrien questioningly glances at her, but she schools her expression back to neutral before he can figure out what she means. She straightens in her seat then folds her hands in a business-like manner. “Alright. I’ll get straight to the point so you don’t go thinking too deeply into it. Why have you been glaring at Marinette every time you see her?” Out of everything Alya could’ve said, that one makes the least sense. Adrien does a double take at her. “Glaring? When? How?” Alya sighs. Then, she dips her head and narrows her eyes at Adrien. He gapes at her for a solid five seconds. “I’ve been doing that at Marinette?” he manages out. “But… wait, is that what I looked like?” “Probably not, but I thought you needed a visual display. Do you know what I’m talking about?” “Um… I think?” Adrien wracks his mind back to the couple of times he’s seen Marinette. “I’m not glaring at her. My eyesight’s been a bit fuzzy these days, and I can see clearer if I squint. That’s what I’ve been doing. Squinting at her.” Alya is dead silent for a heartbeat, then she bursts out laughing. Adrien feels the back of his neck heat up. Max, Kim and Alix file into the classroom at that moment, and to his relief, they don’t join in the conversation to add to his humiliation. “Oh my God,” she finally gets out between laughter, “you’re going nearsighted and Marinette thinks you’re mad at her, when you’re really just trying to see. I literally told her you weren’t mad. Why haven’t you gotten glasses yet?” That’s a good question. Mostly because he sits at the front of the class, which means that even though things are sometimes fuzzy, Adrien can still more or less make out what’s on the board. His vision also self-corrects as Chat Noir, so it doesn’t hinder any superhero responsibilities. It’s just… weird, really, seeing people blurry when they’re walking towards him. (Especially Marinette, because Adrien likes looking at her expressions, and her in general.) “I didn’t want to bother Father or Nathalie,” he admits at last. “And I thought there might be a chance that it was temporary.” Alya has stopped laughing, to his relief. She wipes her hands under her eyes. “Well, you should probably get glasses to wear just in case. And so you can stop squinting at Marinette and she stops falling down stairs.” Adrien winces. “Also,” Alya continues, “that makes sense and all, but why have you only been squinting at Marinette? I don’t think you’ve ever done the same to me. Or Nino for the matter.” He frowns. Had he only been squinting at Marinette? Adrien hadn’t even been aware, but now that he is, he doesn’t have an answer for Alya, but she’s waiting expectantly for one, and— Marinette walks into the classroom at that moment. She spots them, and her cheeks drain of colour. Adrien shoots to his feet. “Marinette,” he calls quickly before she can turn heel and bolt. “Can we talk outside?” Her eyes flit nervously to him, then behind, to Alya. Adrien feels downright rotten for making her look so nervous. “I’m sorry,” he adds. “I’m not mad at you, I promise.” Somehow, it’s enough for her to squeak out a “yes” and they end up outside the classroom, leaning on the railing and overlooking the courtyard. In his periphery, he sees Marinette twisting her fingers nervously in front of her chest, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. He glances at her directly. She doesn't look back at him, but her hair looks extra shiny and soft, and Adrien idly wonders what it would feel like to bat one of her pigtails. Then he realizes his thoughts are all over the place and he’s supposed to be apologizing to Marinette for the misunderstanding. Alya’s voice comes back: why have you only been squinting at Marinette? The fact that Adrien doesn’t know the answer to that makes him antsy and nervous, which is dumb because being around Marinette is comfortable and easy, so it makes no sense that he feels tongue-tied now. “Sorry,” Adrien blurts out again. “Sorry. I think we might have a couple of misunderstandings, and it might be my fault.” That’s enough for Marinette to turn to look at him, her eyes wide and panicked. “It’s not your fault!” she exclaims, waving her hands frantically. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” “Well…” She’s looking away again. “I guess it was neither of our faults, but it was mostly me. My eyesight has been getting a bit blurry these days, but squinting helps me see clearly.” Slowly, she lifts her head up. “Wait, what?” “I’m going nearsighted,” Adrien reiterates. “Technically.” The words take at least ten seconds to visibly compute on Marinette’s expression. “You mean,” she begins, “you need glasses?” “I think so.” “Oh,” Marinette says. “Oh.” There is a span of silence. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Adrien finally admits. “And I’m really sorry for that. I promise I wasn’t mad at you at all, it’s one-hundred-percent because of my eyesight.” Marinette offers him a tiny smile back. “I’m really glad to hear that.” Her voice is earnest, and Adrien swears his heart swells and jumps. He may be good friends with Alya and Nino, but there’s a certain fondness that’s always been specially reserved for Marinette. Perhaps that’s why he’s only been trying to see her with full clarity. “Sorry I jumped to conclusions too.” “I would probably be weirded out if someone did that to me.” She laughs slightly this time. She has a pretty laugh, Adrien thinks hazily, then blinks. Wait, what? “Now that you say it, though,” Marinette muses, “it did look a lot less like glaring than it was squinting.” “I would hope so, because Alya gave me a terrifying impression when I asked and I really hope I didn’t look like that.” Marinette laughs louder. Adrien’s trying to think of the next thing to say so she’ll laugh again when the bell rings. “Marinette?” he says, just for one final thing, because it feels imperative to put it out there. She turns, stops, waits expectantly. “For the record,” Adrien tells her before he can lose the courage to, “if I do get mad at you—hypothetically, since I don’t think it will happen—I’ll never not try to solve it. I value your friendship too much for that.” She ducks her head. “Thanks, Adrien,” comes the quiet reply, and it puts a smile on his face too.

End Notes: they are clowns but they’re cute so thats ok :’)