I am fucking good for nothing. I already did my best, but it wasn't enough. I studied at friday night at 7:30 and I ended at 10:30. It was friday, but still I am studying because I am afraid of getting a low score nor grade. And so on saturday to tuesday. Our test would be on wed, so I study harder than usual. On the test day, I did my very best. I was anxious because I kept on imagining that what if I will be left out on bfj for the next school year? What if I will be the only one who does not have any honors for this quarter? It will be so embarrassing. All my classmates will have an award and except for me, what if that will happen? So I studied, really hard. But those almost sleepless nights went for nothing, I got a low score. I got 48/75. I am such an embarrass to my family, classmates, adviser, teachers and to myself. Believe me, I was studying a lot before the exam day came. I thought I would had 50+, but I am wrong. I am done of adjusting to the people around me, so is this happening?? I only want to be in honors. I do not want to be out of the section one. I am hopeless and helpless at the same time. So tired but I am still fighting. Last quarter, i didn't took my exams, quizzes and everything bout school seriously. I wanted to be known of everyone. I wanted to be pretty and popular. But now I realised that it is not important. Looks and popularity are not important. So I am trying to focus on my studies. But goddamn, i still got the low grade.Â