I'm new to Artfight. I haven't done any attacks, joined any teams, or nothing. But a few months ago, I got a DM on Art Fight telling me my art was super pretty and asking me to join a discord server.
I thought I was on the grounds to make some friends, instead, I have been giving the front seat to watch "Horseshoe theory" in action.
I got DMed and invited to a friend group that advised itself as being progressive, which I thought was super cool. I like being progressive.
But they weren't actually progressive. As per horseshoe theory, they tried so hard to be progressive that they just ended up looping back around to being really bigoted.
In a bulletin list of everything that happened in the small group:
- I have been accused of being racist because a majority of my OCs are black while I am a white. Apparently this was problematic because I was 'simulating' slavery.
- A girl who was new to the group was accused of being racist because she didn't have any black OCs. All of her OCs were furries.
- I got called racist AGAIN because one of my OCs, who is black, had a huge crush on another, who was white.
- I got called creepy because I said someone's OC was pretty. Just that. I said, "Your OC is really pretty" and that got me a stern talking to about not flirting with people's OCs randomly.
- I got called homophobic because one of my characters 'looks gay' but I had him labeled as pansexual.
- Got called misogynistic because I drew my female OC in a provocative pose. Please note, I not only drew my male characters like this, but I published the drawings on my toy house that I didn't know they had access to.
- Got called a fujoshi because I drew my male characters in provocative poses. Please note, I am a trans man.
- Got called a weirdo gooner because I drew my characters in provocative poses.
- Got told my character was 'minor-coded' because she had braces and dressed in pink.
- Got called racist, again, because I had a black male character who adopted a white kid. I was told, I kid you not, that if I understood anything about black people, then I'd have made the father a black mother since black fathers are never present. Holy fuck.
I left because I was tired of being accused of being a bigot over the smallest things and then watching as they strawmaned themselves into being actually racist or bigoted in an attempt to sound inclusive.
I'll be honest, I only stayed because I was so lonely that I was just happy to have some sort of community.
But I'm wiser now. I'm more tired. There were people acting bigoted under the guide of acting progressive, and that makes me kind of sad.
I'm sorry for such a long post. I don't want this post to come across as "Anti-Woke" or "Anti-progessive". I just hate how I ended up in a circle where people were acting this way. It sucks. It's sad.
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Iâm obsessed with your DIL reader works, they always make me giggle and kick my feet every time I read them. But then a question just popped into my head: what if king Daeron and queen Myriah suggested that Baelor and Maekar remarry? I just know it would cause the âremarriage drama.â
Like, theyâre both widowers and princes have duties to strengthen the realm (one of which is marrying into powerful noble houses). I imagine that after a bunch of small council discussions, the king and queen gently bring it up to the brothers. Since Baelor and Maekar already have an heir and a spare, thereâs no real pressure, but the council seems very enthusiastic about the idea, they even line up some âexcellent candidatesâ for political marriages. And just like that, rumors of âthe Princes preparing to remarryâ spread across the 7 kingdoms, and naturally, DIL readers are among the first to hear.
Of course, our princes are absolutely down bad for their girls, since itâs just a suggestion, Baelor and Maekar immediately refuse. Itâs obvious, why would they ruin their happy, peaceful lives with the women they love? Plus, the lady/ widow-candidates themselves arenât even interested (either strong, independent types or still deeply in love with their lovers/ late husbands), so the whole âremarriage dramaâ shouldâve ended there. Everyone parts ways happily.
Except Baelor and Maekar donât think itâs important, so they never mention it to their girls. Even though the decision has already been canceled, the rumors keep spreading like wildfire so now the entire realm is speculating which one will stand beside the princes and that absolutely shatters DIL readersâ hearts.
I can totally picture DIL!M reader crying, pouting, stomping around Maekarâs room. She even drops to her knees, clinging to him and pleading âplease, Father, donât do this. Iâll be good, I wonât bother you anymore, I promise I wonât upset you again, just let me be your only girlâ.
Meanwhile, Maekar is just like âwhat the fuck is going on? What are you even begging for?â So he asks and finds out the remarriage rumors have spread so far that even Dorne is buzzing (with houses already preparing daughters to present at court).
Honestly? Maekar sees this as the perfect chance to get back at her after all the headaches sheâs caused him. So he goes âbut this is a princeâs duty. It wouldnât be proper for Summerhall to be without a Lady of Summerhallâ. That cue DIL!M reader crying her eyes out for hours. He meant to tease her, but didnât expect her to react that strongly, so eventually he tells her the truth. Still, after all that whining and sulking, she decides to stay mad at him for a long time, refuses to talk to him or share his bed for weeks no matter how hard he tries to make it up to her.
But of course, it all ends in chaos: tears, yelling, a full-on emotional storm, sheâs crying and making a scene, heâs swearing and snapping, and somehow it ends with him spanking her while she sniffles and complains âI just want you to be mine. I donât want you to belong to anyone else. Why am I being punished for wanting whatâs mine?â
Inside, Maekar is absolutely thriving, but outwardly he just scoffs âof course youâre mine. Why would I remarry? But Iâve spoiled you too much. And where did you learn to abandon me like that? Try it again and Iâll take away your ability to walk for a week. Such a bratâ.
She just giggles through the sting (satisfied) âyour bratâ.
And he goes âMy bratâ before continuing her punishment.
Now, DIL!B readerâ is not nearly that simple because I think hers has a bit of angst. Sheâs mature, she does feel hurt, but she understands itâs Baelorâs duty. And not just any prince, heâs the heir, a political marriage to secure support from a powerful house makes perfect sense. Sheâs even met the most promising candidate, a beautiful, devoted lady/ widow who seems perfectly suited to be a future queen, and it destroys her. Sheâs jealous, heartbroken, but keeps it all inside, especially after seeing Baelor walking in the gardens with that lady/ widow (when in reality, they were discussing not marrying).
Baelor, being as perceptive as he is, notices the shift immediately once the rumors spread through the keep. She avoids him, keeps her distance, stops coming to his chambers at night, even dodges him when he tries to talk to her. But he had already made his stance clear to the king, queen, and the council. He had also set clear boundaries with the lady/ widow (she didnât even care about him, she was either in love with someone else or had absolutely no interest in marrying at all). So why is reader so worried? He just assumes the truth will spread as fast as the rumors, so heâs basically chilling, thinking everything will go back to normal. Except it doesnât!
Days later, the rumors are still going stronger than ever. Some lords even start proposing their daughters to the king directly. So when Baelor finally gets her alone, he asks gently âwhatâs wrong, sweet girl? Is something troubling you?â
And she just says âItâs nothing, Your Graceâ. Thatâs when it clicks, the âremarriage dramaâ hasnât died down at all. Itâs gotten worse. Baelor immediately tells her the truth, that heâs not remarrying, that itâs all just baseless rumors but she doesnât believe him. So they end up in a conversation like:
âPlease donât lie, Your Grace. Itâll only break my heart more.â
âIâm telling the truth. You are my one and only girl. And donât âYour Graceâ me, you know how much it hurts me when you distance yourself like this.â
âThe rumors have reached Dorne. House Yronwood is preparing to send their daughter. House Fowler has already set out for Kingâs Landing. Everyone is coming here to marry you.â
At that point, Baelor is just overloaded âwhat nonsense are you talking about? There will be no wedding. Iâm not marrying anyoneâ.
And eventually, after a lot of emotional back-and-forth, she finally believes him âreally? You wonât leave me to marry someone else?â
âOf course not. How could I ever do such a thing? You are the love of my life.â
Then they spend the whole night together, holding each other, kissing, making up for all those days of sadness, with Baelor promising to make it up to her.
And in the end, both couples live happily ever after đ Gods, Iâm being so dramatic đ
O.M.G. GIRLLLL you absolutely killed it with this!!! You not only captured Maekar and Baelor perfectly, but also the DILs!!! (Also, you are not being dramatic, you are being immensely creative and amazing and thank you so so so much for sending this in!!!)
I was thinking about writing a remarriage thing for them and you've just gotten my ideas exactly!!!
I definitely think it's posed as a suggestion more than anything because both Baelor and Maekar have children already so no one's really too worried about securing a line of succession or anything, so everything's all good on that front. I would say they just think it would be good to have a queen at baelor's side, and a companion for maekar so he is not too lonely. But obviously the people don't know about their DILs so none of that is necessary.
I think the conversation with Maekar would go something like:
"We think you should consider remarrying"
"Fuck that." *walks out*
JK (but also really not...)
But yeah, they would staunchly refuse, saying they are content with themselves and don't wish for a companion. Baelor would be kind enough to speak to the ladies chosen as possible candidates just to tell them personally that he will not be remarrying, but Maekar wouldn't even do that and would just shut down any idea of the sort.
Maekar's DIL is definitely freaking out INSTANTLY. He definitely didn't tell her because he said no and then didn't think twice about it, but a few days later she hears from a ladies maid or one of the ladies at court that the king and queen had been asking around for eligible maids for maekar and she just absolutely loses her shit. DIL!M runs to find him, asking him if it's true. For a second he doesn't even remember but then he's like, 'oh, yeah, they were asking' but before he can tell her that he said no, she starts crying. Like full on sobbing and weeping and just shaking and he's sitting there in shock like wtf is going on.
She hugs him tightly, crying into his chest before getting down on her knees and clasping her hands together and just full on begging him not to do it. "Please, Father, please do not remarry! I know it is selfish, but I don't care! I want you all to myself. You are mine. You are mine!"
And she is proper hysterical, and it takes him a minute to realise that she doesn't know he said no, and he feels soooo smug that she's this desperate. She's full on blubbering and begging and saying "please! I will be your good girl. I will! I will be good and obedient. I won't bother you at all, I won't!"
And obvi he sees an opportunity to be teasing and bother her in return so he just puts on this serious face, and goes "there is meant to be a lady of summerhall, girl, and I cannot deny the King and Queen if they are adamant." But instead of her making more promises, she just looks at him with pure utter terror and just curls in on herself and cries and he has never seen her look so sad and so truly upset that he can't handle it. He quickly just scoops her up into his arms and shushes her and tells her he was only teasing, that he refused outright and would never replace her.
She just pauses, breathing heavily, and looks at hime like "WHAT đĄ" and she's soooo angry that she instantly gets up, goes "you are so wicked, Father! You are wicked!" and leaves him. Now he's like "wtffff, everything was going in my favour but now she's angry again!"
DIL!M refuses to go to him now, she's that angry. How dare he play with her feelings like that when she was so upset at the thought of losing him?! At dinners she ignores him, she doesn't go to his chambers, she doesn't come to bother him, and when he finally gets sick of it, he comes barging into her bedchambers one night and teachers her a lesson!
But of course, it all ends in chaos: tears, yelling, a full-on emotional storm, sheâs crying and making a scene, heâs swearing and snapping, and somehow it ends with him spanking her while she sniffles and complains âI just want you to be mine. I donât want you to belong to anyone else. Why am I being punished for wanting whatâs mine?â
Inside, Maekar is absolutely thriving, but outwardly he just scoffs âof course youâre mine. Why would I remarry? But Iâve spoiled you too much. And where did you learn to abandon me like that? Try it again and Iâll take away your ability to walk for a week. Such a bratâ.
She just giggles through the sting (satisfied) âyour bratâ.
And he goes âMy bratâ before continuing her punishment.
Just gonna leave this here because you captured it so perfectly. Like yes, the "why am I being punished for wanting what is mine?" is definitely something she would say, and it is definitely putting Maekar on cloud 9!!!
On the opposite end of the scale, DIL!B is going completely non-verbal with her grief. She's a sensible girl at the end of the day so she knows that having a queen would be good for the realm, but she felt like she could ignore it, but now reality is slapping her in the face and she's so upset.
She's instantly pulling away when the rumours reach her. She's not even waiting for them to be denied, she's just going quiet and pulling away from Baelor because she can't bear to hear it from him and feel hurt all over again. Her cousin, DIL!M is trying to coax her out, to tell her that Baelor would never do that and that she should just speak to him, but she just feels so horribly sad that she can't.
She cries herself to sleep every night and forces herself to be alone, even watching from the window as Baelor walks in the gardens with one of the candidates (that's supposed to be where he walks with her đĽş) and just crying about it.
Eventually, Baelor has had enough of letting her pull away, and he corners her somewhere, maybe ambushing her in her chambers, and just forces her to stay in front of him.
"Speak to me, my dearest," he says firmly, reaching out and attempting to hold her arms. But she steps back from him, her face instantly contorting into pain and the tears are already burning and she's in so much pain but she just shakes her head.
"There is nothing to say, your grace," she whispers, and he feels like he's been stabbed. She never called him that, NEVER. It was always Father with her, always, and to hear that actually made him want to be sick.
"Do not call me that," he huffed, reaching forward again and this time not letting her get away. He cupped one of her cheeks and caressed it with his thumb and forced her to keep facing him even though she kept attempting to pull away. But she's so tired and can't fight anymore so she's just like,
"I know it is selfish. I am married to your son and cannot reasonably expect you not to marry if you so wish it. But I love you more than anything, and it feels like my heart is being ripped out at the thought of you sharing your life with any woman that is not me."
And Baelor is just so overwhelmed by love for her and so upset that she is upset that the first thing he does is kiss her. After that, he tells her "I will not be remarrying. I have refused the King and Queen and made it clear that I have no intention of ever remarrying."
"Really?" She's still crying but she's looking up at him with these big eyes and keeps pursing and licking her lips and holding him in return, so tight her fingers hurt and he just nods and kisses her again.
They're def spending all night together, and she's calling him Father again and feeling so much better after the torture she put herself through, and he just spends a long time reassuring her about everything.
AAAAA thank you so much for this anon, you are absolutely amazing!!!
sorry if this is too long or rant-y so feel free to delete if anything isnât allowed /gen. i have tiktok just for edits and stuff but the selfship community on there is a prison. for a community based off of loving characters thereâs so much constant discourse and drama and straight up bullying on there.
the first example that comes to mind is the lolcow-esque culture on there and how people froth at the mouth at the chance to be cruel, harass and cyberbully you if you do something they deem âproblematicâ (which can be as simple as expressing discomfort with doubles) like it genuinely disturbs me how so many people crawl out of the woodworks to be evil toward people. obviously iâm not going to name drop but thereâs a literal thirteen year old who, by his own admission, is mentally unwell and has been hospitalised, and instead of trying to help or showing sympathy or concern, they literally just troll and hate and flood his comments with vile shit. and they justify it as âheâs problematicâ when really heâs just showing symptoms of being an already mentally ill young person who is under intense online scrutiny and is constantly being hounded by virulent, transphobic trolls who delight in being wicked to him.
that and self ship / oshi culture is blended together so if you donât have a shrine or thousands worth of merchandise then some people genuinely think that youâre ânot a real fanâ or âdonât really love your f/oâ and thereâs an intense push of people trying to be âTHE ___ yumeâ or â___ number one fan!â that part of the community is incredibly competitive. and yeah, i know thatâs the whole point of oshi culture, but not every self shipper is also part of oshikatsu stuff, so to see people genuinely think that if you donât have a massive dedicated shrine and lots of merchandise then you donât really love / arenât dedicated to your f/o is really hurtful to people who donât have the money to invest in stuff like that.
and thereâs so many pointless rules and bad takes if you even breathe the wrong way people will jump you. if youâre a minor you canât have a crush on an adult character, thatâs weird (no it doesnât matter to them if you make your sona the same age.) if youâre a minor you canât have a crush on a character whoâs the same age as you, thatâs weird. you canât selfship if you have an irl partner, thatâs cheating. you have to ask your irl partner for permission to like a character. just genuinely the worst takes youâve ever seen in your life.
(and the nonsharing discourse is something else entirely so i wonât even get into that. itâs about as bad as youâre imagining.)
ITS BOTH OF YOU, HE SHOULDNT DO THINFS WIRHOHT YOUR CONSENT AND YOU SHOULDNT ALWAYS THINK YOURE RIGHT, NOW GO TO YOUR HUSBAND AND HAVE A MINDFUL CONVERSATION
"WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH?! I KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, AND I DON'T ALWAYS THINK I'M RIGHT! YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF ANYTHING WE WENT THROUGH! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND ME OR MY RELATIONSHIP!"
(Drysdale had been lingering near the laundry room door, and after hearing Washfordâs yelling, he walks in with a pinched sort of expression. For a moment, it seems like heâs going to pretend he didnât hear anything. But then... he turns to the washer with a despondent expression.)
"Go on, then. Whatâs the problemâŚ?"
"The problem is you refuse to apologize for flirting with another man while I was RIGHT. THERE. You didn't even have the DECENCY to hide it. Did my love mean so little to you? Were you even sorry?!"
"How dare you act as if our love meant nothing to me! OF COURSE IT MEANT SOMETHING! I wasn't even trying to flirt! I just thought it'd be nice to spice up our damn act for once!"
"AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! You just went right into it! What, was it because he was young, and beautiful, and simpering sweet, draping himself all over you?! Wet from my part of the act, let me fucking tell you!"
"HE WAS FUCKING NICE TO ME! He complimented me, my looks, my skills! When the hell had been the last time you so much as simply called me handsome, back then!?"
"BULLSHIT, YOUâIâWhat?"
(That actually gets the washing machine to pause in utter confusion.)
"I called you beautiful all the time. What do you mean? I KNOW I complimented you every day."
"But you didn't. Not plainly. YouâYouâd wax poetic about⌠oh, I donât know, the sunset or the night sky or a fresh cherry blossom. Whatever little lovely thing had your true attention at the moment. And it was nice to be compared to those things, sometimes, but⌠I just⌠I missed being called pretty, or handsome, or beautiful. I liked knowing that you enjoyed me, and not just the idea of me. And you hadnât used those words to describe me in⌠god, I donât even know how long."
"But it was always you. Everything was metaphorâeverything was a simile. All of it was an analogy for you and everything you meant to me. Everything was about you."
(There is silence for some time before Washford speaks again.)
"⌠Am I that hard to decipher�"
(Another long moment.)
"Sometimes. Yes. More⌠more often than not. It wasnât just that, though⌠I knew if you started rambling to me about the beauty of the ocean orâor whatever else had captivated you lately that it was as a comparison to me, but⌠oh, I donât know. Sometimes it was hard to know how much you truly saw me."
"I always saw you."
(Washford turns away. It is clear he can't look at his former lover right now.)
"⌠I'm not apologizing until you apologize. My sin is far lesser. I do not want to be the one apologizing. Not now. Not when it still hurts."
"But it was always you. Always. You were in my thoughts⌠every day. The human would bring home coffee, sighing as they drank it⌠and I would think how you would energize me the same way."
"But if you had just said thatâ"
(Drysdale stops himself, sighing.)
âIt doesnât matter now. I never expected an apology from you, anyways. I thought you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me for the rest of our existence."
"No. I love you. I never stopped loving you. Why else is it still The Pale Betrayal?"
(Washford can't help but laugh, a watery, thin little sound.)
"I love you. I didn't want to break it off. I only don't regret it because you aren't sorry. Because⌠Because it didn't mean anything, so I thought.
(Tears glisten in Drysdaleâs eyes for a second before they start falling down his cheeks.)
"Of course it meant something. Of course Iâm sorry! Iâve never regretted anything more in all my life, IâIâve kicked myself for what I did to you every second of every day since it happened! Of course Iâm sorryâŚ"
(The dam breaks. Washford's own face grows wet with tears.)
"⌠That's all I wanted to hear. I didn't want to break it off. You were flirting. Your hands stayed on the clothes, on me⌠you were just flirting. And I have eyes. Dirk's a little morsel. Harper may make my ears bleed, but she is right to want to be protective over him when he's delicious like that. I just⌠wanted you to ask. And⌠if you did, while trying to keep the show going? I didn't see it. I didn't hear it."
(Drysdale chuckles ruefully, wiping at his eyes.)
"I didnât. I didnât ask. And I really am so sorry for that. Is... Is that really all you were waiting on? We couldâve been back together this whole time if only Iâd apologized soonerâŚ?"
"Yes. And⌠goddammit, that night, I was so hurt. I should have⌠I should have come back sooner. I should have seen you a day or two after. But it hurt. It felt like you'd carved my heart out and taken a bite right in front of me. It felt like I didn't matter to you."
"You always mattered to me. You never stopped mattering to me. God, Iâd have been there withâwith roses and an apology with in the week if I thought itâd help. I⌠when you never came back, never spoke even a word to me when you usually did if we fought⌠I thought you despised me. That you hated my guts. Thatâs the only reason I didn't apologize sooner⌠I assumed you wouldnât want to see me, that my apology would be meaningless to you, and youâd only become more furious with meâŚ"
"For a bit⌠I hated you. But not forever, and certainly not truly. But even if it would have been meaningless⌠it would have been the right thing to do. Drysdale Airington, I love you, and I know you are a man who does the right thing. That is one of the multitude of reasons why I love you."
"And I love you, Washford Currents. More than Iâve ever loved anything. And⌠and I know I said it once, but Iâm so sorry for⌠for The Pale Betrayal. And Iâm sorry I ever made you feel that our love was a mere trifle. And Iâm sorry that it took me this long to apologize. âŚyou have no idea how much Iâve missed youâŚ"
"Iâve missed you, too. Iâve missed youâuhmâIâve counted the days. I dreamt about you."
(Washford stumbles over his words, something he almost never doesâitâs clear heâs trying to keep it simple. Drysdale blinks, like heâs taken off guard by the simplicity of the words. But then he smiles, softer than Washford has seen in years. Unable to hold himself back anymore, he steps forward to cup Washfordâs cheek with a gentle hand.)
"You absolute sap. Youâre just dying to go off on some speech of prose, arenât you? ... Thank you."
"It's the only way I know how to talk. You ask me to draw your face and then cut off my right hand before I start. Uhmâyou⌠It's hard. It's very hard. And it makes me feel stupid that I can't say it concisely."
(Washford seems to deliberate, and then slumps in defeat.)
"⌠I hate this. Please let me talk."
"Oh, go on, then. I never expected nor wanted you to speak simply all the time, anyways. Iâd never rip a piece of you away like that."
(Washford breathes a sigh of relief.)
"Oh, thank god, my tongue moves freely again. I just⌠I need to. There are so many thoughts in my head. I can't say anything otherwise. It's so⌠robotic, so trite. 'I love you. You're pretty.' What am I, the very text-to-speech that took our human's job away?!"
"⌠That's not fair to those who aren't linguistically gifted, I know. But you're not just pretty. Your eyes sparkle. They gleam with excitement, and it has stayed in my mind forever. Every single time you wanted to try and add something to the routine. You always bite off more than you can chew, and yet you gorge like a snake anyways, to spite God and all before him. And I love that."
"Your ambition will be the death of you, some beautiful, awful, graceful swan song to the raucous applause of devils and demons and angels and all manners of rascals. And I will cradle your body to mine. I will perform the most sacred funeral rites. I will sing hymns into your skin to warm it before placing you into the earth. I will love you for all of my days. God, I will love you for all of my days."
(Tears begin to fall down Drysdaleâs cheeks again, and it seems that hearing Washford explain how deeply he loves him in the only way he truly knows how is the breaking point for Drysdale. One moment heâs just standing there, crying and cradling Washfordâs cheek. The next, heâs surging forward as he pulls Washford into a desperate, passionate kiss. And what else can Washford do but return it, but grab onto the dryer like he's a lifeline? It's because he is; it's because finally, all is right with the world.)
(When they break away for air, Washford sobs. The sound cracks and splinters in his throat like glass breaking under pressure. He nearly collapses in his lover's arms.)
"Drysdale⌠I missed you. I need you."
(Drysdale holds onto him just as tightly, just as desperately. He buries his face in the crook of Washfordâs neck, nosing at it gently as he struggles to keep his breathing even through his tears.)
"âŚI need you, tooâfuck, I need you⌠it was like having a damn limb amputated, being without youâŚ"
(Washford doesn't respond immediately. However, it's not that he doesn't hear him⌠it's that he's trembling and his teeth almost chatter with the force of it.)
"I haven't been able to sleep. I've been having nightmares. I⌠I don't know what's happening to me. I'm going insane. I feel like I'm going insane."
(Drysdale lifts his head, looking at Washford with his brow pinched in concern. He takes in the sight of his beloved, the bags under Washfordâs eyes, the way he trembles, how he seems moments away from falling apart entirelyâŚ)
Because I love angst I have to ask this... does leshy ever feel sad being out of the cycle of reincarnation? Since he has those beliefs being a disciple and all does he ever feel sad thinking "yeah this beautiful part of this belief? Never gonna get to ve part of it as punishment for my actions."
This is the ask that inspired me to create the Camellia comic! so really really thank you!! The specific reason is below.
First, something essential to understanding how the ex-bishops "believe":
The magic of the Red Crown and its ability to bring back the dead is in direct contradiction to the belief in the Eternal Cycle, which includes death as part of itself.
I mentioned this detail when I talked about Shamura's karma and why it caused the False Prophet so much conflict.
All those killed or brought back to life by its magic no longer belong to the cycle, and they all know it in some dregree because after their death, they met what is outside of it: Purgatory or Limbo.
Returning to the ask in question, and using Leshy as an example (since he is the one you asked about), his way of believing is largely "functional".
Let me explain:
The way Leshy was introduced to the cult and its beliefs was quiteâŚviolent, to say the least. The first bishop returned from purgatory and condemned to eternal life by the one who killed him in the first place...fun.
The only good thing about his situation? The relationship he eventually formed with Camellia, his caretaker. A long process that slowly adapted him to his new life until one day, oh no, his favorite mortal died.
Taking this part of the comic "the reason", which in context refers to how time affects everything (and why the False Prophet keep the ex-bishops in the cult as immortals).
Time affects everything, and being immortal can become torture. What do you do when the only thing that made sense, the only thing worthwhile for you in your now eternal existence, is taken away by something as natural as the end his life?
You suffer eternally or...
You take the hand that is offered to you, the balm that promises to make your eternity more bearable. The belief that proclaims that what mattered to you will eventually return.
This is why Leshy decided to believe in the first place, and belief is powerful regardless of your reason. The False Prophet didn't expect anything different, although they did find it amusing that Camellia knew it before the worm himself.
So, to round things off: the ex-bishops know they are exempt from the eternal cycle, whether as punishment or simply as a consequence of their actions, doesn't matter now.
If they believe in the cult's beliefs, it's not because they expect to be part of the process that the rest of the followers undergo (said, death and reincarnation).
They believe (with some variations and different reasons) because an eternity is a path of thorns without something to hold onto. But believing? Believing makes it bearable.
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iâm sure itâs been brought up by someone else but would it be a reach to say that whats-his-face and whats-her-name from ep 7 are meant to be a callback to buckâs discomfort over tommy having been abbyâs fiance and the discomfort he felt in that situation where it made him feel like didnât belong in that relationship anymore? like i know with abby and tommy, he questioned tommyâs treatment of abby and how he thought it was wrong for tommy to âlieâ to her, but even then i never thought that was the actual point of buckâs discomfortâŚ
(this is going to be a long ask so i apologize)
iâm going to try and make this make as much sense as possible, but here we go
abby was buckâs first serious adult relationship, just like tommy was buckâs first relationship after discovering an element of himself that he had been missing up until then (iâm not going to go into detail on all of the parallels between tommy and abby bc itâs been done time and time again)
but we see a certain level of disinterest from tommy towards buck throughout their relationship; when we get to 8x06, they try to imply through the whole josh glee speech thing that buckâs main source of discomfort in their relationship is that tommy lied to abby about his sexuality. even at the time i didnât buy that reasoning because it feels a bit out of character for buck to consider breaking up with tommy for not being comfortable coming out to abby⌠i think the real reason was that he began putting pieces together in his mind and was drawing conclusions the audience already had.
buck was basically a rebound for abby (ik thatâs watering it down a little bit but for all intents and purposesâŚ) she basically told him as much after the train derailment, and practically had the same exact âiâm your first not lastâ conversation with him as tommy ended up having.
i think deep down, buck realized that to both abby and tommy, he was never something serious- he was kind of (again watering it down a bit) just a fun fling for both of them and only found out after the fact that not only had he been used for that purpose, but it wasnât communicated to him until it was over.Â
buck very much wants a full two-sided relationship with someone that he can settle down with. he knows this, and we know this. which is why i think initially, when ep 7 came out and the whole moral of the episode was âoh buck realizes he wants to find loveâ people took pause and felt a bit annoyed that the plotline felt a bit like beating a dead horse, especially considering that was effectively what buckâs entire arc w tommy was in s8.
now, looking at s8 and how things kind of got derailed, i think it makes sense that they are now trying to revive that point for buck if they are planning on continuing his story this season the same way they were going to in s8 (whatever that may be)
and they did that by having buck sleep with a married couple. they intentionally made the choice to have him sleep with them separately, not together, when (if the whole point of the episode was JUST about buck wanting to find love) they could have easily just had him sleep with both of them at once. but by sleeping with them separately he doesnât realize they are a couple, and doesnât realize that itâs a casual thing for either of them until after the fact. combine that with the symbolism of buck hooking up with the woman âfirstâ and the man âsecondâ (ik the montage it was intercut but it started with him going out with the woman first and he got her number first too), and to me the parallels between tommy and abby become very clear- a couple (former in tommy and abbyâs case) who used him as a fling without telling him until after the fact and left him at the conclusion that he wanted something serious more than casual.
i feel like this comparison has to have already been made but i havenât seen it anywhere and i think itâs a very interesting concept considering what they seemingly were setting up last season with buck (and eddie)⌠and i was curious what your thoughts on this angle are?Â
again i apologize for the long ask, i just couldnât figure out a way to make this more concise đ
Hey Nonnie.
Thanks for such a great and in depth ask. I really agree with pretty much everything youâve said and itâs a lot of the way I feel about things. I definitely think weâre meant to see Jade and Zane as parallels to Abby and tommy. Even on just a surface level we have Buck being pursued by both people who were or are part of a relationship with one another - specifically for his being a âunicornâ not one of them was actually interested in Buck the person all four relationships (of whatever length they were) were all focused on what Buck could do to them, what he represented and not what was mutually beneficial.
I also agree - I donât think that Tommy lying to Abby and his treatment of her as a result of the lying was the soul source of his discomfort - I do think it was a part of it, I think it made him question if he would be treated in a similar way or if Tommy was lying to him as well (which he was imo by virtue of not being upfront and honest about why he was with Buck or that he didnât see the relationship being a long term one - until he was forced into that confession. And while there technically isnât anything wrong Iâm not stating from the get go that you donât see the relationship as being long term etc - especially with Buck stating that he didnât know what he was ready for - Tommy made no effort at all to check in and have that conversation at any point during the relationships length!) but not the main source.
I also think that the glee monologue from Josh was meant to highlight all the things missing from the relationship and actually get Buck to question his relationship - I donât think it was meant to be a convincing argument in favour of Tommy - I think the intention was always for Buck to misunderstand what Josh was trying to do, to highlight (because that is the central theme of Bucks romantic journey - that he isnât able to understand what he is looking for in a relationship because of his upbringing and that the relationships he keeps finding himself in are as a result of that upbringing - so he keeps associating physical intimacy with emotional intimacy because that is how his parents showed him love. He is learning to undo that conditioning) to the audience as much if not more than to Buck himself, all the things his relationship with Tommy is lacking - his reaction to Josh asking if he was in love with Tommy was revealing all on its own without the rest of the speech.
I think part of Bucks entire journey, especially since the network change and he and Tommy first kissed, has been very much centred on Bucks search for emotional connection and intimacy and showing how heâs getting better at figuring out when he isnât getting that and also realising that heâs jumping to sexual intimacy too quickly - that he gets a tiny crumb of it and immediately jumps into bed with someone rather than taking the time to really get to know them before moving into a physical relationship. The Tommy of it all and his struggle with getting over that break up (initially), for me was centred around both paralleling the Abby of it all, whilst also highlighting exactly where Buck was getting his emotional intimacy and the fact that had been impacted - and he hadnât truly recognised that and still doesnât recognise what that meant.
I am of course talking about Eddie and Christopher - I remain strongly of the opinion that the BT relationship would not have lasted anywhere close to as long as it did had Kim not appeared on the scene and everything that went down there with Eddie causing Chris to leave. The web is super tangled up with this entire thing because there are multiple angles in which to see the ripples of what happened.
There is of course the physical absence of Chris - that had a big impact on Buck - his internalised failure to get Chris to stay with his dad in the aftermath the most obvious one, but also the fact that co-parenting Chris is actually a massive part of Bucks identity and self worth at this point - its an emotional tether he gains a huge amount of positivity from helping ground him and feel worthy in ways he doesnât elsewhere in his life. There is obviously guilt wrapped up in this as well - because if he is feeling this way then how must Eddie be feeling and what right does Buck have to feel anything much about it. So Tommy becomes a sort of replacement for that emotional tether missing in his life.
This situation in and of itself pushes Buck into remaining in a relationship we have already had hints heâs realising isnât actually what he wants or needs (some of the looks weâve seen Buck give when Tommy has said something - such as at the medal ceremony - or his lack of interest in or care for Buck more generally before the Kim thing blew up) Buck doesnât end it for the same reason he didnât end things with Taylor in season 5 - because Eddie is emotionally unavailable to Buck at that point in time and so physical intimacy is Bucks fail safe alternative and he doesnât have to go seeking it out in mindless hook ups if he stays in a relationship even if it isnât serving him.
That Eddie has himself gone down this route prior to all of this, because of the very fact Buck has come out and is now an option - his clinging to Marisol as a result - because Eddie wouldâve broken up with Marisol if Buck hadnât come out to him in that kitchen scene - itâs a pivotal moment for Buck and Eddies relationship - nothing changes because Eddie is having internalised gay panic over his best friend being an option and then not actually being available - Eddie reads Buck saying he cant stop thinking about Tommy as a rejection - he can obviously never feel about Eddie in that way and so Eddie must stick to what he has. It is no coincidence that Eddie is about to break up with Marisol a couple of episodes after he finds out Buck has ended things with Natalia - it is literally Buck and Eddie in the same pattern as weâve seen them in since they met (well since Shannon died at least because I do think that there wasnât enough before that point to begin that pattern weâve seen since as they were still getting to know one another and the show was figuring out the dynamics for all the characters. I also remain convinced that when Tim talked about having to kill Shannon because there wasnât anywhere to go with her at that point it was because they had decided there was enough interest in Buddie that they were pressing the green button on them being the big slow burn relationship for the show - I think they wouldâve made Madney that slow burn will they wont they couple if Buddie hadnât been coming over well as a potential with the audience! But thatâs just my theory I have nothing to back it up beyond the way the story played out live and what Tim said in interviews at the time as well as vibes born of years of watching procedural tv!) Itâs no coincidence that Eddie finds out about Marisols almost a nun, catholic past right after Natalia is no more, or that he asks her to move in right at a point where Tommy is very clearly flirting with him.
We all focus on Bucks jealousy etc from 704 - which we are meant to because we are seeing it from Bucks perspective, but its also being made very clear to us that Bucks jealousy has a good foundation and that Eddie is at least aware to a certain extent of it. We the viewer can read Eddieâs constant talking about Tommy this and Tommy that from Bucks perspective and it making him jealous, but weâre can also see it from Eddieâs perspective of him testing the waters with Buck - seeing what Bucks reaction to it all is. We will never know what wouldâve happened if Eddie had been able to get to Buck before Tommy did and theyâd actually been able to have a conversation about it - because Buck confessed to Eddie that he was on a date with Tommy before Eddie could have that conversation with him - which is how that kitchen talk couldâve played out had the Tommy kiss and date not happened.
There is also the fact that Eddies inability to grieve Shannon and their relationship properly is still very much in play -and how that impacts Buck, but that has been talked about to death so I dont want to get into it again!
All this to say that, yes I do think there is an element of 907 rehashing what we saw play out with Tommy over 8a (and a bit with 8b and the hook up as well) and I get why people feel aggrieved about it, but for me personally I think weâd have ended up with this arc regardless - I just think weâd have seen it play out a little bit differently if theyâd been able to get Eddie to where they wanted him by the end of 8b as they had originally intended. Now we donât know exactly where that wouldâve been, but its safe to assume that he wouldâve been a bit further along in his arc than he currently is. I think it was really smart to play the entire plot line out in the way they did and in the way you described - having the Jade first and then Zane second, dressing Zane very very very similarly to Tommy (all his outfits are basically Tommy outfits - right down to the black and red shot colouring of his date shirt matching the red and black shot Henley Tommy was wearing when he kissed Buck - both were tests - Tommy testing if Buck was into men and Zane testing if Buck would hook up with and then call him or Jade! And we revert to a black shirt with a black vest for the break up scene!). The entire thing was about calling back to Tommy and the fact he parallels with Abby and then playing into the fact that Buck never got given the full picture by any one of the 4 people from the outset and that his autonomy wasnât respected in any way at all and so he couldnât consent to what was happening to him (and this isnât about Tommy kissing him - that part was fine, right up to the end of their date was all fine and as consensual as it couldâve been - I mean tommy couldâve asked to kiss Buck but thatâs not really realistic and Tommy was telegraphing what he was going to do from the moment Buck said he was trying to get Tommys attention so that part is all fine for me from that perspective) that he was able to have that final scene where he turned them down and took ownership of his romantic endeavours is the key thing and the symbol of growth.
It feels very much like theyâve set Buck up through the parallels of Abby,Tommy, Jade and Zane, to finally spend some time actually figuring himself out and what it is heâs looking for and for him to click into understanding that he already has what it is heâs looking for. I havenât had time to write my meta on the space arc, and how it all plots out the intended arcs for the characters for the season, but I will mention here that Buck is paralleled with Tricia who throughout her time in space, figures out what she has and what she wants romantically are not the same thing - that she is worth more than she has accepted and that she also has the tools to bring about change to her life. Thatâs the very brief version of her arc, but they show her actually managing to make that change in her life - from the things she learnt about herself, but also from what she already had. The shares are a metaphor for knowledge and internal power and that being what you need to bring about change. That the Jade and Zane plot for 907 also plays into that and emphasises Bucks repeated patterns is a really great thing from my perspective and one of the reasons I really enjoyed that plot (even as I hated having to actually watch Buck hooking up with people but thatâs a Demi me thing!)
Thanks for the ask - it was a really great one and I hope my answer lives up to expectations đđđ
But do you know how to find help? I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do.
Quick overview:
Homeschooled until 4th grade, went to public school until 7th grade when I begged my parents to homeschool me again because I would wake up every morning and immediately start hyperventilating from sheer stress.
I barely did any homeschooling. I don't remember most of it (I think I blocked it out or something from stress) and I don't know if I even technically graduated.
My parents neglected me and barely taught me anything so I don't know how to function. I don't know how to pay bills or a mortgage or use a credit card or do any household chores. I have severe dyscalculia so my math is at maybe a 3rd or 4th grade level even though I'm 27.
I have severe executive dysfunction which even my ADHD meds don't help, and I don't have the energy/motivation to make food, do laundry, or basically anything. The most I can manage is washing my hair every few days when it becomes disgusting and brushing/flossing every night.
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 17? Maybe?
I live at home with my parents. I used to work with my mom because she had a cleaning business but after about 30 minutes I felt so drained and fatigued that I needed to lay down on the floor. I don't think I have a medical problem because this doesn't happen when I'm doing something I enjoy, only if I force myself to do things I find miserable.
I know that trying to get a "normal" job will send me into instant burnout and probably kill me. I only want to make my art and comics and stories, I don't want to be a wageslave making someone else rich until I die in my 30s from being constantly stressed.
Even though I live at home and don't work and don't have to do chores I'm still constantly stressed and on the brink of burnout. I'm so terrified what's going to happen to me after my parents pass away, I can't survive on my own but I would genuinely rather die than be forced to live in a group home where I have all of my possessions taken away and I'm treated like a prisoner with no bodily autonomy.
Even the slightest amount of stress (like dropping a fork on accident) will cause me to have meltdowns where I punch myself until I bruise severely. I cannot handle any amount of stress at all.
When I try to think about how I'm going to survive on my own I become extremely confused and disoriented and I can hardly think. It's like my brain is shutting down to prevent me from having a severe mental breakdown.
How do I find someone to help me? I need someone that's like a caretaker that can pay my bills for me, drive me to the doctor, bring me groceries, etc. so that I don't become homeless and die.
I don't want to do therapy because I cannot stand the fact that they use CBT on you without informed consent, and just constantly gaslight you.
I hate the way they talk to me, like I'm a toddler or a dog that's too stupid to understand anything. The thought of having to tell them everything embarassing about myself makes me want to scream and cry and hurt someone.
And I know that their only answer will be "We need to fix you so that you can learn to be happy being alone and independant!" ignoring the fact that humans are a social species and you cannot cure autism or ADHD or dyscalculia and I'm disabled and need help.
My only hope at this point is that someone really attractive and rich with really low standards falls in love with me and wants to take care of me, but I know that's not going to happen.
So my only option is to find someone that can take care of me (without infantilizing me and taking away my rights) and then I can just... Work on my comics and stories and fantasize about fictional characters and pretend they love me.
If I can't find someone I'm just going to have to move to a state where I can file for MAID and be euthanized.
Firstly, I would love to just hug you, Nonny, because I fully understand where you're coming from. So *warm autistic auntie hug*.
Next, since you mentioned MAiD, I am guessing you're from Canada. Now, I'm in Australia so I've had to Google my information.
Canadian followers can also chime in and correct me or offer more.
So, resources:
Support and Services
Disability Services
Example of Neurodivergent Job Seeking
Also, job wise, there's working from home, freelance comic work etc.
Now, therapy wise: what you're looking for is Neurodivergent affirming therapy. This is not CBT. They work WITH how you think.
Example of a Canada based Neurodivergent affirming therapy
I can't comment on your exhaustion levels because there are just to many variables. It could be autism, ADHD, chronic fatigue syndrome etc etc.
I can recommend a couple of books that may help, also!
A supportive, practical workbook to help autistic adults understand, manage, and recover from autistic burnout. Created by neurodivergent pr
Once you purchase this item, you will receive an email with a link to download - you have 24 hours to download the item before the link expi
And as a fellow person with dyscalculia, you're correct that it can't be cured, but it can be made better. I couldn't tell time in an analogue clock until my late 20s and couldn't count change until my 30s. And I still mess it up. So, I understand where you're coming from.
Lastly: I can't help you with finding a rich man. You already know that I'm going to be all old lady and tell you that is not what to hold out for etc. So, I'll spare you that. Every young person hears that.
But, I can encourage you to date, make friends (if that is your proclivity), go out etc. Only if you want to. Or, focus on subsidised housing and be happily alone. Both and everything in between is valid. You don't need to be with someone to live happily. There are options available.
I will make one final note: you do seem to be having maladaptive daydreaming or similar. I'm not a mental health therapist, but you're desire to avoid life and be in a world where you are desired etc is very common (i did it well into my 30s) especially in Autism and ADHD. But, in the long-run it can become unhealthy. Perhaps focus it into writing, even if just for yourself. But perhaps look into it.