#loganxmc

Logan perches his legs on the coffee table as he leans back on the couch with one arm behind his head while he scrolls through his phone.

He’s currently reading up on some job postings that he’s interested in—car mechanic, car salesman, car…exhibitionist? (He’s pretty sure it’s some kind of sex thing)—and let’s the hum of normalcy settle into the space.

It’s been a three months or so since Ellie and Logan decided to move in together in a small apartment near Langston. Three months since he made the decision to live a life that will never take him away from the girl he loves ever again. Three months since he’s been borrowing money from Vaughn to help pay off the apartment bills—he winces at the last thought. Logan knows that getting a job with a record on his file isn’t going to be easy but so far it’s been almost impossible. Not that it’s going to discourage him. Logan is nothing if not tenacious and he’s confident that he’s going to find one soon. In fact, he already has some interviews lined up for the week.

But he really wishes he would land one soon. Other than paying Vaughn back, he wants to take Ellie out on dates other that just driving around the Devore, going to isolated cliff sides to watch the stars and hanging out in the park. Although she never complains (practically looks forward to them she would gush), he wants to do something nice for her. Maybe a surprise dinner date in a fancy restaurant or a trip further away in a cabin by a lake—something romantic and unexpected that will make her as happy as she makes him.

Logan sighs and exits the website he was scrolling through and opts to open his Pictagram account instead, feeling a little strange and happy at all the new comments and hearts he seems to be getting from his latest picture of Ellie sitting in the Devore in a pretty yellow dress. That’s the one thing Logan found extremely strange. When Ellie convinced him to make an account (so she could tag him memes, she reasoned) he was hesitant at first. The primary reason as to why he never bothered with social media in the first place was because he just can’t have his identity floating around in the internet when he was a wanted criminal. But now that he isn’t…he decided to give it a try and he’s been pleasantly surprised by how much he likes it. One of the best parts, he figured out later on, is the fact that he can scroll through years and years worth of Ellie’s life in her account which gives him the opportunity to ask questions and listen to stories of moments and memories he missed. That way, even if he wasn’t there, he’d have something to brag about his girlfriend to his future coworkers.

Logan hears the front door slam open and he quickly pulls his legs from the coffee table, trying to look innocent, as he turns to the direction of the door with a beaming smile. His smile falters for a moment when he sees the irritated and angry look on Ellie’s face as she throws her backpack on the couch beside him.

“Hey Trouble—” Ellie turns away from him, stalks to the bathroom, yanks it open and slams it shut behind her with a loud bang. “—maker…”

Logan frowns. That’s not good.

One thing that Logan learned about Ellie and living together in the past three months, blissful and happy as they were, is that there is a certain…science…to living with someone else. He’s always lived by himself, never having to take care or be mindful of anyone’s space other than his own, so the past three months have been a big adjustment for him. But Ellie has always been patient with him. Letting him make mistakes and helping him learn the intricacies of not pissing each other off every time one of them forgets to wash the dishes. So it’s definitely not good if she comes in the apartment and immediately ignores him in favor of locking herself in the bathroom. But he tries not to let it unnerve him as he pushes himself off of the couch and heads to the bathroom door.

He takes a deep breathe, leaning on the wall beside the door and tentatively knocks three times.

“Everything alright, trouble?”

He hears rustling and the toilet lid slamming down.

“Go away Logan. I’m angry right now.”

Logan’s heart picks up, his mind running through his memories to see if that anger was directed at him somehow (had he left his dirty laundry on the floor again?). Finding nothing, he decides to confront it head on. 

“Angry at me?”

A loud exasperated sigh. “No, not at you.”

Logan lets out a sigh of relief before he drops himself to the wooden floor and leans against the door. 

“Want to talk about it El?”

A sniff. “It’s stupid Logan. Just let me deal with it and I’ll be fine in an hour.”

Well. He isn’t going to do that if she’s crying behind the door. That’s one more thing that Logan learned about his girlfriend. Ellie likes to pick her battles. Which is admirable if she didn’t also end up bottling all of her frustration and anger until she explodes. Although Logan has never been the target of it (so far) he’s noticed in the past few months the little rituals she does to distract herself from her anger and annoyance. Such as suddenly wanting to clean their (already pretty clean) bedroom or start aggressively cooking scrambled eggs. With his least favorite being shutting him out completely.

Like right now.

When it first happened, Logan was totally at lost on how to deal with this new aspect of their relationship and just did whatever she asked from him—which was to let her “deal with it” on her own. But Logan hated the feeling of being so useless, that he couldn’t be there for her when she’s always been there for him. So with a little googling and a few anonymous questions on internet forums, he has now gained the necessary advice to be able to properly help her in times like this.

“You know El,” He starts, trying to tick off the mental list he created for this situation. “I really love you.”

A short pause, her voice heavy with confusion. “…I love you too Logan…?”

“Mm, I know,” He replies, a small smile tugging on his lips. “Because I love you and you love me, I’d really like to work together so we can figure out how to make you not angry anymore.”

A sniff then a whimper. “…But it’s really stupid…”

“Did you think it was stupid when I asked for your help on writing my resumé?”

“No…”

Logan smile widens when he hears the resolve in her voice weakening. “Exactly. There’s no such thing as ‘stupid’ between us, El. Even if you just want to talk about what’s making you angry. We don’t need a solution right now,” He pauses for a moment, his tone teasing and playful. “I’ll even let you drive the Devore if it makes you feel better.”

Logan grins at the soft and easy laughter that floats behind the door, momentarily thanking LostThrowaway43 for his brilliant advice of making small jokes to lighten the mood and make her laugh.

He hears the lock click open and he pushes his back away from the door. Ellie slowly opens the door and looks down at him gratefully, her eyes puffy with tears. Logan merely grins and pats the space beside him while she closes the door behind her and drops down to sit beside him. She leans her head on his shoulder and Logan easily fits his arm around her waist before she starts her outpour of emotions.

About how a certain professor has been a hardass and has been giving her a hard time, about how he constantly nitpicks on her work while the same mistake from her classmates get a pass and about how she wants to drop the class but can’t because it will leave a mark on her record.

And Logan listens to it all, only interjecting a few times to ask questions and affirming how much of an asshat the professor is. By the end of it, Logan can tell that Ellie looks a lot better and lighter. Sure, she’s still pissed at the professor (and he’s now pissed at the professor too) but he considers it as a win that he was able to coax her out of the bathroom and got her to talk.

Ellie sighs, the anger in her seeming to flow out in the past hour or so, as she fits her hand in his and gives it a grateful squeeze. “Thanks Logan. I actually feel a lot better now.”

Logan grins, turning to place a soft kiss on her head. “Glad to hear it trouble. What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?”

“Let’s go out,” She turns to him, a teasing smile on her lips. “You did say I could drive the Devore.”

Logan looks down at her with a grin as he raises an eyebrow. “Nuh uh. You just said you feel better now, the Devore was an if option. You can’t have it both, troublemaker.”

Ellie laughs before she takes his face into her hands and gives him a sweet and loving kiss. He responds easily, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. Eventually, she breaks the kiss and swipes her thumb over his lips, taking away the pink lipstick stain she’s left, as she gazes into his loving and amused eyes with a teasing smile.

“Next time, I’m driving the Devore before I start word vomiting.”   

Logan pretends to groan as he shakes his head, his heart so full at the affection and gratitude directed at him.

“You’re lucky I love you.”

Ellie softens, her eyes misting when she nods. She knows that he’s teasing, all in an effort to make her feel better but she’s struck, once again, with the realization that he doesn’t even know how right he is. That yeah, she really is lucky. That if it was anyone else other than Logan on the other side of that door, she would’ve never even opened it.

She gives him a small peck on the lips before she untangles herself from his limbs and picks herself off of the floor. She offers him a hand and he easily fits his hand into hers before she pulls him up with a small huff.

Logan quickly dusts off his jeans before he intertwines his hand in hers and gently tugs her to the door. Their conversation easily, almost naturally, transitioning to light hearted topics about his job hunting and their plans for the weekend.

~*~

Logan perches his legs on the coffee table as he leans back on the couch with one arm behind his head while he scrolls through his phone at the memes his coworkers have tagged him in Pictagram. He snickers at a particularly funny one about how some costumers angrily demand high quality and expensive car parts but their budget can barely get them a meal at McDonald’s. He taps his phone twice, giving it a heart, before he hears the front door slam open.

He quickly pulls his legs from the coffee table, trying to look innocent, as he turns to the direction of the door with a beaming smile. His smile falters for a moment when he once again sees the irritated and angry look on Ellie’s face as she throws her backpack on the coffee table with a huff…and promptly takes a seat right next to him.

“I cannot believe the grade he gave me!” Ellie shouts, crossing her arms and leaning back on the couch with a scowl. “All because the PowerPoint was in a color that hurt his eyes?! Unbelievable!”

Logan secretly smiles, leaning forward to place his phone on the coffee table, before he angles his body towards her. He reaches out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, his eyes lighting up with affection.

Logan breathes in and out. Slowly, steadily, serenely. Just to make sure he isn’t trapped in a dream.

His eyes are wide in disbelief and awe as he stares at the woman standing just outside of the door of the shitty loft he uses as his temporary hideout. She smiles, a smile so heartbreakingly familiar that Logan can only surmise that he has died and this is his heaven.

“Logan,” Ellie says, palms open and reaching out. “Run away with me.”

~*~

It should have been easy.

All Logan needed to do was wait outside of the building as a getaway car for the person that hired him. It’s something he has done a million times before. In fact, it was such a mundane and routine job for him that he allowed himself to drift off into his memories and play a game of what-if with the girl he left behind as the starring role. He knew that he shouldn’t, that it was nothing short of masochism, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to indulge himself even just for a moment.

But when he saw the person that hired him exit the building, cuffed and dragged to a police car hidden away from his line of view—he knew that he needed to disappear.

Days later, he found out that there’s an arrest warrant out for him. His name, his current 2005 Devore GT license plate, his face—all given away by the man who hired him for approximately three hours. He should have expected it, should have been more cautious, but on days when his soul longs for a repeat of sideshows and of her in his passenger seat—he can rarely muster the strength to think beyond his aching heart.

And now he’s paying the price. His momentary mistake brought upon by his meandering memories has once again led him to the choice of packing his bag and leaving tonight.

That was the plan, that was solution. Until she showed up to his door, an apparition and a dream, telling him the words he so selfishly sought after but he knew he could never allow himself to ask on their first goodbye.

~*~

“What are you doing here Ellie?” He grabs her arm, tugging her gently inside the door and slamming it behind her. “How did you find me? Are you okay?”

He doesn’t know which emotion to settle on first. Fear, worry, disbelief—all mixing into a pot of admiration and affection as he places his hands on her arms, rubbing up and down as if he could stoke a fire that will signal to him his salvation.

“I asked Vaughn to tell me where you were,” She reaches out, caging his face in her hands so she can trap his treacherous thoughts and bring him back to her in this moment. “I…wanted to visit. I wanted to see you. But you’re in trouble aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes.”

She’s right. She’s always right. But now is not the time to fall into her arms, to wrap himself in what he knows as the only source of warmth stronger than the sun. He needs her to be safe, he needs her to be free—and both statements need the answer to be away from him.

“You need to leave El. It’s not safe here,” He tries to be reprimanding, tries to be cold. But his voice wavers and he lets slip the affection he has always held for her and only her.

She holds tight—her eyes so strong, so stunning, so spellbinding when she says her next words.

“Let’s run away, Logan. I can drive all night and I want to be there with you. Let me.”

He squeezes his eyes tight, chest hurting in a pain he never knew existed. He wants to, he desperately wants to but a better part of him says no. That the reason he left in the first place was to protect her. Running away with her right now undoes all of his work of keeping her safe. He steels himself, he forces himself to shut his heart down—to let his brain answer for him. He opens his eyes, biting his bottom lip before he speaks and—

She overtakes him, drives faster than he ever could, and maneuvers herself around his feints as she crashes right into his heart.

“I love you Logan,” She smiles brilliantly, the words as easy to say as her own name. “I never stopped loving you.”

 ~*~

“You’re really leaving it here?”

Logan turns to her with a smile, the first of many that he hopes, and takes their intertwined hands to his lips.

“Only until things settle down El,” He promises before he looks back to his Devore hidden underneath a mundane gray tarp in a nondescript building owned by an acquaintance of his. A small pang of pain resonates deep somewhere in his heart. “I’ll come back for it.”

“Mm, let’s hope sooner rather than later,” She squeezes his hand with a fond smile before she tugs him to her car.

He follows her easily, his heart still hammering against his chest at the idea, the dream, the reality that she’s here with him right now. She easily slides into the driver’s seat and he slips into the passengers, looking to the back seat at his one duffel bag sitting next to her luggage. He chuckles at the sight as she pulls out into the street, feeling like he’s just been caught in a long con.

“Were you already planning to steal me away before you came, trouble?”

She grins, her eyes sparkling in delight. “I was actually planning to stay for a few days. But things just seem to work out by themselves huh?”

He releases a breath, his lungs expanding as if it’s the first time he’s tasted air. He reaches out and places his hand on top of hers on the gear stick, fingers fitting in between each other. He squeezes—gratitude and affection at the freedom only she can bring.

She smiles, glancing at him briefly. “Are you ready Logan?”

He places his other hand on top of his heart, aware of the ache that slowly gives way to something better. He’s ready. Perhaps he’s always been ready. He just needed to let himself want it. And now that he has, he allows himself the chance to forget. To forget the reasons, the fear and the paranoia of the consequences in the future as he gives himself the permission to demand from the universe—that he deserves happiness. That he deserves her love. That he deserves this life.

With a sigh akin to euphoria, he leans back on the seat and closes his eyes. Imagining himself as a kite flying over the city—free in the open sky, tethered and tied in the hands of the girl he loves.

Logan takes a deep breath, letting the air cage against his chest until the last second, before he lets it out in one big rush. He drops his head on the steering wheel of his Devore and grips it tight in his hands.

God, he’s so fucking nervous. 

It’s been a year after all, things have changed.

For the better or the worse, he doesn’t know. But he tells himself not to hope—not to expect. To keep his expectations low so his heart can handle the ricochet of seeing the new Ellie for the first time in a year.

He could have left her alone, let her move on with her life. That’s what he wanted in the first goodbye and that’s what he told himself in the second one. So he really shouldn’t be here in Langston, nervously waiting for her class that Riya texted him was about to end in ten minutes. But he’s a weak man.

And he can’t stay away.

He lifts his head from the steering wheel, his eyes sharp and focused as he looks on to the throng of students exiting the building. His heart is on alert, his eyes fliting left to right to find her—and there. Her hair is shorter now, she’s smiling, and she’s laughing—good.

He exits the Devore, nervously adjusts his jacket and quickly rehearses all the things he wants to say: how are you, how’s Langston, are you dating anyone—no, no. Not that one. He has no right. Quickly, before he leaves all of his courage on the gravel, he takes purposeful steps towards her.

And it’s almost as if time just seems to speed up. Because in one moment, he’s approaching her with a smile and an awkward hand wave, and in the next his blinking back the surprise in his eyes as he looks down to his arms full of Ellie.

She’s crying. She’s sniffling. She’s sobbing.

Well shit. He doesn’t have a plan for that.

“Baby—” He bites his tongue, clears his throat and wraps his arms around her shoulder. And he tries again as he always does. Because that’s what he’s good at. “What’re you crying for, El?”

“I…thought…you…hated me,” She confesses between broken sobs, burying herself into his chest. “Vaughn…wouldn’t tell me where you were. I…tried so hard to find you Logan. I tried so hard to…to come back.”

Well shit. Now he’s tearing up and he definitely doesn’t have a plan for that.

He feels the eyes of people settling on them and he carefully peels her off of him, holding her blubbery face in his hands. He smiles brilliantly, wiping away the tears from her cheeks as he searches her watery eyes. “Let’s talk in the Devore okay?”

She nods, wiping away her runny nose with the back of her hand as he settles his hand on the small of her back and leads her to the car. She takes her place in the passenger seat and his in the driver’s seat. He turns on the engine, letting the cool air filter into the space before he begins and unravels days, weeks, and months that blend into nothing behind high walls and small spaces.

“I turned myself in. I told Vaughn not to tell you.”

He turns to look at her—shock, pain, guilt, awe. All valid and all warranted.

Ellie’s face falls, her lips quivering at the thought of a whole year. Twelve months of time she should have given him.

Yes. A resounding and definite yes.

“Logan, I could’ve…” Could she?

“I would’ve…” Would she?

And he knows, the smile he gives her spells out he knows.

“I didn’t want you to see me like that Ellie,” He reaches out, wiping away a stray tear. “Not that side of me.”

She bites her lips to stop the hypotheticals that threaten to tumble out of her in rush. Because it won’t help, not when time has already passed. So she chooses a question that focuses on the now, of a question that maps out the future. “Is everything…okay now?”

Logan lets out a laugh, the sound soft and freeing. “Yeah, I gotta report to a parole officer though. But everything is okay now El, maybe even better.”

Logan hesitates, his hands almost twitching in uncertainty, before he takes the chance and reaches out to her hand. She takes his hand readily as she searches his face, hope and uncertainty staring back at him. He tests his voice with a cough before he pulls out the truth straight from his heart, molding and materializing it into a concrete and tangible promise of forever.

“The moment I closed the door on your car, I already knew what I needed to do. I thought I could do it El. I thought I could say goodbye a second time,” He chuckles ruefully, the memory so heavy in his mind it keeps him up night and gives him strength in the day. “But I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t disappear again knowing I’ll be leaving the best parts of me behind. I…I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.”

Ellie lets out a choked sob, nodding before she takes his face and gently guides him to her lips. He expected an explosion of desperation, of need, of hunger—but it’s slow, steady, soft. It’s full of nights on the hood of her car watching the stars, it’s full of fast food and laughter in the middle of the night, it’s full of roads and hair whipping around his face.

She breaks the kiss, her thumb running over his lips as a slow and easy smile captures hers. Her eyes light up, searching his own before she leans forward again and brushes her lips against his. Time so arbitrary in the atmosphere they’ve built around each other.  

“So I’m thinking of skipping the rest of my classes today…”

She waggles her eyebrows at him and he blinks once, twice before he laughs and throws his head back—the kind of laughter that causes an ache in your stomach. The kind of laughter he hasn’t experienced in almost a year. He surges forward and captures her lips in a playful and loving kiss that leaves her with a loopy smile.

Logan gazes at her, her hand and fingers fitting in between the spaces of his life he’s only ever opened up to her. His next words are full of promise, affirmation and affection as a loving and teasing smirk pulls his lips.

Perhaps she knew it at Brent’s party or maybe it was when he told her he loved her for the first time. It’s most likely not prom night, the evening was entirely ruined after all, and it’s definitely not when they exchanged their goodbyes with her Dad’s gun pointed at him.

Perhaps it was right away that she knew.

When she was a girl undercover and he was a boy with the getaway.

~*~

Ellie never knew how difficult it would be on the run. She imagined it, seen it dramatized in movies but the reality is often times more tragic and mundane.

On the first night, she had to throw her phone away. After all, she couldn’t have her Dad or her friends calling or tracking her. Logan insisted on her keeping it, just in case she misses home. Never understanding that she is home with him. But he’s adamant and she’s stubborn so she threw it when he wasn’t looking.

For three days now, they’ve been living off of Logan’s savings and some cash she saved for her trip to see him. They don’t live lavishly, often times sleeping in shitty motels and eating at fast food places or diners, and it isn’t the life she imagined or the trip she saw herself doing with him. But she doesn’t mind, not when every moment with him is a blur of happiness and love.  

Now, she lays in his arms on the hood of her car, stars blanketed all around them as he runs lazy circles on the skin of her waist. She releases an air of relief, moving closer to the beat of his heart to cement the reality to herself that this moment is real.

“What are you thinking about El?”

What she’s always been thinking about: about how much she loves him, about how happy she is, about how much she’s missed him. But those words have already been spoken a million times between them in the past three days. The conversation is sincere, full of affection, but even she has to admit it has become a repetitive recitation of the truth of her heart and she wants to talk about something else. A mystery she’s trying to solve.

“I’m thinking of when I fell in love with you,” She offers, intertwining their fingers together. “What moment, which part.”

She feels the small rumble of his chest, a small laugh that weighed heavy with affection and joy. She’s hit again with all the things she’s missed about him.

“Tell me about it trouble.”

“It’s not when you told me you loved me the first time, the moment wasn’t right,” He squeezes her hand in guilt, kissing the top of her head and she squeezes back in reassurance, the circumstances of the memory and feelings already faded into the past.

“After, then?”

He chuckles, nuzzling his face into her hair. His voice teasing when he asks, “The sideshow?”

She shakes her head, that’s not right.

"Before, way before.”

She thinks for a moment, a beat, as she filters through her memories and latches on to the emotions to see if he’s right.

But no, apparently not. Perhaps, embarrassingly, before then. Maybe she didn’t realize it then because she had no name for it yet. But now that she has, she knows. Cross referencing the realization now to the pitter patter of her heart before. When it happened, when it transpired. In the garage of Brent Vandermeer and in the passenger seat of his car as she leaned in to kiss him and when she pulls away, a big bright smile on her face, it was—

“Automatically in love,” He bursts into giddy laughter and she blushes, hiding her face into his chest. “That was lame sorry.”

“Ellie Wheeler, love at first sight with me?” His voice is a wonder, his eyes pricking with tears as he chuckles. “Best compliment hands down.”  

“Technically second sight,” She peeks up at him, her eyes shining as a grin settles on her face. “But I won’t argue semantics with you.”

~*~

He laughs again, the voice so free and airy in the vast space only for them. She observes him with a soft smile, her heart so full it’s overflowing.

“Love you Logan.”

He sighs, soaking up the words as if it’s the first time he’s heard it. He leans down, taking her face into his hands and peppering her with kisses that will leave their mark for days.

“Love you too beautiful.”

Ellie untangles herself from his hold and under the covers, dropping her head to her hands with a sigh. She has a headache. Her eyes flit to Logan and a weary smile pulls on her lips before she pads her way to the motel’s bathroom. She flips on the switch, squinting at the blinding light, as she kicks the door shut before flipping the toilet lid down and taking a seat.

She doesn’t know what time it is but it should be either midnight or early morning. She fits her face behind her hands, preparing herself for a moment, before the tears start to fall.

Three weeks have passed since they’ve been on the run and it’s taking its toll on her. She doesn’t want to say anything, she never wants him to know. But she misses her friends, she misses her life in Langston and she misses her dad.

Perhaps it only hits her in the night because she’s alone with her intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that bring in worry, fear and regret. She stomps them down to the best of her ability, this is her decision after all and she can’t regret it. So she allows the brief moments of the night to steal away her resolve as she gives herself the time and space to express the emotions she knows she has no right to.

A sob catches her throat and she thumps her chest, forcing it back down her throat so the noise doesn’t break the illusion.

It’s unfair for her to feel this way after three weeks when Logan must have had to deal with this his entire life. But the rational brain can never compete with the impulsive emotion. So she can learn to deal with it in the morning, right now she just wants to be free.

“Ellie…”

Her tears cease, heart caught in a panic and guilt so powerful it shakes her body—she forgot to lock the door. She looks up and her face falls when she sees his face—guilt, pain then acceptance and understanding. So easily as if he has practiced for this moment a thousand times.

“Logan…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby.”

“Shh…shh…El, you have nothing to apologize for,” He dives forward, catching her hands in his and bringing her sobbing self into his arms. He rubs her back, his words so clear and full of love it breaks her. “I love you Ellie and I’ll always love you, that’s never going to change,” He pulls back and tilts her chin to him, a smile so final it mimics the sun setting on a rainy day. “Let’s get you home, okay?” 

~*~

It’s heartbreaking. It’s unfair. He doesn’t deserve this.

The way he packs away her things as she cries in the corner, the way he leads her to her car and leans into the drivers seat with a lasting and loving kiss, and the way he closes the door with a face that tells her all that she needs to know. That he understands. That he doesn’t blame her. That he loves her all the same.

So she starts the engine, her shaking fingers turning on the keys, before she wipes away the last of her tears for tonight. She doesn’t look back. She can’t. She’s not strong enough.

And when she pulls on the road and drives away, she hopes—selfishly, she prays—that the trail she’s leaving of her heart will build a road that leads back to the boy she loves.