#lockhart

It's very effective.

Gilderoy lets them paint themselves with his nail polish and they glitter into the checkered battlefield as dazzling soldiers. Each as confident and as charming as the next.

Severus hates how many times he's had to tell him to stop flirting with animated objects.

If given half a chance, Gilderoy Lockhart will flirt with the following objects:

Lockhart [City Pulse]. 2026. Bandcamp, Spotify, Facebook, Amazon, Youtube. Twitter(metalone).

"Oh? Hello there!" The barkeep smiles as she comes up from behind the counter, cleaning a nice clear mug with a rag. "Welcome to Seventh Heaven! How can I-?"

Tifa tilts her head, her red eyes inquisitively taking all of this visitor in. And then it hits her, given the change in her expression! "Oh, I remember you! Neon, right? It's been so long~!" Griiiiiiiiiin.

CW: Non-graphic spider, implied dead bird, mentioned infant spider death, Non-graphic explanation of how spiders reproduce.

Summary: An unlikely friendship is formed in the Forbidden Forest.

Gilderoy sat on the dirty forest floor with his back almost touching a massive tree, his least-best robes shielding his body from coming into contact with whatever filth was covering the forest.

He moved his legs closer to his body and rested his chin on his knees. The position was bad for his posture, but the alternative was to let his luscious locks touch the tree behind him, which was completely covered in dirty, high-priced, acromantula silk. 

If it weren't for how weak his knees felt, he would not have been sitting at all and instead would have run back to the castle as fast as possible. The silence in the forest was not making him feel any more at ease.

Sure, he'd been doing this for a while now. Sure, it had been his idea. But he still tried not to think about the fact that he was sitting right next to— "So... what's it like? Having so many kids, I mean..." He diverted his eyes to the remnants of what used to be a bird, he grimaced but decided it was better than looking at... at...

"I teach them how to hunt and hide from the bigger animals. Until they become the bigger animals. But unfortunately most of them never get to that point, it is the way of nature, but it hurts like a thousand birds gouging your eyes out over and over." The words were marked by that infernal clicking sound that sent cold, electric shivers down Gilderoy's back. 

"I've had many children over the years, so many that I couldn't possibly count them even if I knew how to. And yet I feel each loss deeply and in every part of my body, in every aspect of my life. I feel their loss like an empty space where they should be cuddling their siblings, sleeping on top of me, trusting me to care for them. So young. So young. Too young to having even said their first words. It hurts like having a missing limb that is forever bleeding." He gripped his arms harder. This time the shivers were caused by the grief in the spi— FRIEND! in his friend's voice! 

He did not want to think about his Friend's dead kids. "...Where do acromantula kids come from? I'm sure it's different to what I'm used to." He tried to smile, but he was sure this smile would not have won him any awards. Ever.

"The male uses their pedipalps to put the sperm into their mate's opening. Then she lays eggs and the babies come out of them."

Wait, that sounded familiar. "Scorpions do the same, I think." He frowned. Did they?

His companion clicked his... Pedipalps? "What is a... scorpion?"

"It's..." Gilderoy bit his glossy lips. What the hell was a scorpion? "A small... animal with claws like pincers, eight legs and a long tail that has a spike at the end that they use to..." he swallowed. "sting their venom into their prey..." His words were answered with clicking sounds.

Clicking. "I wish to know more about these scorpions." Clicking.

"Hm, I'll buy Hagrid a book so he can read it to you." More clicking.

"I shall await it, friend of Hagrid."

"Y'know? By this point you might as well call me friend of Aragog." He managed to stare into a pair of his Friend's many white eyes despite knowing he couldn't see it. And promptly tried not to faint when he saw those... things... move.

"Hmm..." Click. "Very well."