#local radio

A glowing review from a local(ish) radio station!

The full track:

tv commercial: see this blue liquid? now i will half load this dishwasher and turn it on. buy paper towels.

local radio commercials: do you see this goat? i will make the goat noise. maaaa! now do you see it? yes? good. buy our pizza. maaaaa!

- the same five adverts play in the same order every five minutes. two of them are for taxi services.

- the DJs all have nicknames. the lore behind them is written on stone tablets, hidden from public knowledge.

- the station has a “No Repeats Between 9AM and 5PM” policy. you heard them play the same song twice in a row, but no one calls the station for their reward. you must have imagined it.

- you don’t remember the last time traffic updates made sense. where even is junction 19?

- the 2AM DJ asks how you’re doing. when you respond, she tells you she doesn’t care. the next song is an EDM remix of an old katy perry song.

- “Dial Seven Sevens To Get Straight To Taxi Heaven!” you don’t ask how to get out of Taxi Heaven. no one escapes Taxi Heaven.

- on saturday mornings, children call in to tell jokes. you hear the same voices every week, telling the same jokes. you’ve been having nightmares about the vampire snowman.

I am listening to the radio while studying for my exam tomorrow and they legit just said

“Frozen 2 is now in theatres as a part of Disney’s scheme to steal all your money.”