#livereaction

Which, I really loved his conversation with Maddie, that it's not that he doesn't like the Buck he is now, sleeping more and baking, it's more that he's middle-aged in firefighter terms. And I think it's interesting to introduce to the audience that the average age of retirement for firefighters is 55, so it kind of puts all of the characters in a new perspective regarding their time on the job. Maddie really starkly comparing herself now to herself nine years ago is really Thee comparison to make for Buck, too, since so much has changed for the better in her life compared to how Buck might view his own. She left an abusive marriage, started a new career, met and married the love of her life and had two children. Whereas Buck might just think that he hasn't moved forward at all - he's just moved from sharing a house with roommates to living alone - no relationship or children like Maddie. We of course know that's not true, and that his skills and experiences are worthwhile! (and the relationship(s) he does have!)

But I did deeply enjoy that his one attempt at trying to be his younger self was an attempt to do a backflip and he failed epically. But Hen at least seems supportive/has a fond memory of his buck-flip! I adore that little exchange between her and everybody. But Chim is being Thee Big Brother and ragging on Buck and - in truly great Captain form, ensuring that Buck's not pushing himself too hard since he's too "injured" for the auction, he must be too injured to do the heavy lifting on the job. But omg, it's probably one of the first times the show's ever intentionally/at all given us a gratuitous body-appreciation shot of any of them. Like!!! We were literally in those widows' perspectives, eyeing Buck up and it was amazing. He was and still remains That Guy.

I also loved that apparently he and May are similarly knowledgeable/have the same intuition regarding the bachelor auction, too. He essentially needs no coaching and knows all of the tricks, and the "multi-media presentation" (lol, Harry being outraged at Buck being able to put together a multi-media presentation when no one else did is SO FUNNY to me every single time. he's outraged Buck gets special treatment even though he very clearly gets special treatment because he has the highest bid on record and he's a natural at this according to everyone involved!) is a massive hit. Even though Eddie calls it "shameless" lol. (Eddie knows that Buck + baby/children does unfair things to the swoopy feelings in a person's chest.) But I think it's interesting when compared to earlier in the season in Secrets (aka the Let Buck Fuck episode) that yes in fact he DOES still have the charm and the swagger and he can Get It. Not just at a club with an unethical ENM couple, but with the general populace! The show is saying Buck is a Hot Commodity and he really is single by choice at this point because he's looking for something long term/his special someone.

(I watched the buddie system's episode on Secrets yesterday/today and I totally didn't even catch that when Ravi says that it's tommy's choice that Buck's single it's not even true? Because technically Tommy wanted to get back together with Buck and Buck is the one who shot the whole thing down. And further to that, I maintain that when Buck says "not true" in Secrets it is because when he wants to fuck he literally just goes to a club or bar and picks up, but he doesn't make a big deal out of it because they're not Relationships like what he's Actually looking for.)

AHEM. anyway. Let's talk about Hen! Her arc on her chronic illness is now over! Because her bloodwork is back and it's all normal/holding steady. Which. As someone who goes to the doctor more often than non-ill people, it's so funny to me now that I can see the folder/printouts he hands her are just a printout of her bloodwork and their little bar graphs of normal ranges????? The idea the office would color print those out instead of the doctor simply logging into the computer in the room, bringing up your results and turning the monitor so you can see.... Very Funny. also, if it's just her bloodwork that says if she's fine or not, if it's available before the appointment, that would be in her chart online to look up, and she'd get a notification about it! And because she's Hen she would look! Their conversation both seems realistic because it's so short but also not at all realistic because it's so short. I dunno, I think with something this specialized and a job that dangerous the discussion should be longer in-office.

But the important part is really her talking to Chimney (good! this is what it should've been from the start! Good best friend and captain-subordinate conversation!) and then her getting into an accident with Karen and being able to respond accordingly. My goodness though, Karen saying whatever it is she does "you can never be sure of anything" right before they get into a car crash??? Right before it cuts to commercial? Iconic.

and I do absolutely love the full circle moment of Hen performing CPR when that was the thing she Could Not Do when she finally admitted that she's disabled! But in this episode someone does come running up, able to help because they're also CPR certified, and she's able to say that she's a paramedic! another great cut to commercial/scene ending moment. And! I like that both in her home with her trainer and her at the accident, the first responder that talks directly with Hen is a woman! Like the 118 skews male, but Hen is not that much of an outlier in wider LAFD/general paramedics of the Los Angeles area!

The scene does mess up the timeline of the episode a bit, since the scene is mostly cut between the auction actively going on and them cleaning up the accident, but in the car conversation prior you can clearly tell that the accident happens earlier in the week because they are actively discussing whether or not to attend said auction! (but Eddie folding his laundry and getting into the fight at the motel is the Day Of the auction, and that's very close to when he got his tires slashed because while he has new tires he hasn't yet cleaned the spray paint off all of his truck)

I don't know why Jennifer Love Hewitt wasn't able to film with everyone else for the auction scenes, but it is very funny that the way she is in it involves Maddie and Chimney just commentating amongst themselves about the bachelors and how much they're going for. It's very silly but also very authentic to who Maddie and Chimney are as a couple. also this meaning that for Maddie to bid on Eddie it had to be via secret phone bidder? Very funny, very silly.

SPEAKING OF EDDIE! I'm gonna start at the beginning, not work my way backwards. So. the episode starts with him having concern over Buck tweaking his back. He laughs at Buck's "no I don't have ED" joke (or urinary incontinence or osteoporosis) which is in fact a funny joke, ESPECIALLY with Harry thinking he meant eating disorder by "ED". WHICH! Men/boys also get eating disorders and they're diagnosed as such much less frequently than in girls! But they're still very dangerous!

But anyway. Eddie. Concerned for Buck's well-being. Laughing at Buck's joke. then he hates the idea of a bachelor auction from the start, only turning around when there's a threat of being signed up against his will. And then! he doesn't understand why someone would enjoy being sold like a piece of meat. he's even baffled that someone paid $8,001 for a date with Buck! (Rude, Eddie. Very rude). But if there was a bidding war, it makes more sense. not that eddie knows/realizes that. It's just so funny to me that he's SO baffled. eight thousand dollars! (and then buck trying to say "with inflation" but lol, that's actually not helping your case because that's actually saying in today's dollar's that's a Lot More.)

Eddie finally realizing that Chris is not on the bus for him to pickup, though! A) He knows the bus driver's name, that's so Involved Dad/Dad Who Pays Attention of him. B) he calls buck after the school and the police, I love that. Love that he's who's working through his freakout about it. C) not important, but the way he's parked he completely blocks in Abigail's car, which strategically means the person couldn't run but also very funny/sad to think about how she probably had to come back in and ask him to move his truck so she could get out.

And I haven't really seen discourse about this at all, but Eddie was One-Hundred percent in the right to be That Mad. I was stuck trying to think who it would be okay to have pick up your kid from school without you knowing about it, and the list is virtually non-existent. Your co-parent, a grandparent/aunt/uncle who regularly picks the kid up and y'all got your days mixed up. That's the only no-upset-here option. Otherwise, I'm thinking who would have to pick your kid up for you to be mad but for it to be all right, and the answer is like, longtime next door neighbor/friend who's a teen, and like, an older sibling who was supposed to be doing something else after school. Otherwise? You get VERY VERY MAD.

I know teens/high schoolers don't need to be properly released to an adult's care after school like preschool and elementary school age kids (in which case she never would've gotten Chris off-property), but that's still SUCH an egregious violation. which of course Abigail doesn't think is an egregious violation, she just thinks she's helping out! She thinks she's being a helpful family friend! Because she's a very sheltered eighteen year old! But of the three previous times Eddie has met her (Chris has only met her once!), she was a)gravely ill/injured and b) in court, and c) stalked him/looked up his information and showed up uninvited to his house! That is not a good foundation for any kind of familial relationship. Especially since when she showed up uninvited for dinner, he very firmly set a boundary!

but i digress. I mentioned it in the last episode, but properly knowing her motivations/what's gong on, the actor who plays Abigail does SUCH a good job portraying the truth while also leaving plenty of room to be misinterpreted! She's just a girl with very little experience in the world trying her best!

Which, after yelling at her, Eddie does understand. And! good for him. I'm really very glad that he was able to be the hero/parental figure she so clearly needed in this instance. Because that's how he sees her! at the end you can so clearly tell that he views her as just a child to take care of. Because she's only a few years older than Chris, and she deserves the freedom and safety to spread her wings and make her own way in the world! It's really so, so sweet that he was able to be her surrogate parent in this instance.

i'm curious about the fighting he got up to in this episode, though, because from the gym scene we so clearly see that he's got some mean/powerful fighting hands - there was both a slow-mo shot of one hit and also a dialogue mention of not going too hard - but to the uninformed viewer it kind of looks like he gets his ass handed to him. Admittedly he is up against a surprise attack, a knife, protecting another person, a lamp bashed over him, and the shards of said lamp. But it still was a little questionable why it wasn't easier for him to fend off the crazy dad.

athena and eddie working together even briefly!!! what a good dynamic. it's funny, she treats him like a more reasonable Buck, but then he still goes off the handle/off-script/against protocol and she has the same exasperation she does when Buck does shit like that. Except with more respect? idk, I think it would be so good if in S10 Athena was able to draw a parallel that Eddie is just as/moreso careless than buck in certain instances, he just so happens to always get away with it.

speaking of the cops - Alex is here! for... why? to fulfill the role of a potential love interest while eddie actively shoots that down even as alex pays so much more attention to eddie than she does to Abigail? it's just SO "this is a new love interest!" outline, but then in the scenes as they play out, Eddie has no idea why Abigail would be "jealous" of Alex, and then there's an immediate "no" when Athena puts the two and two together so easily. Which! that whole conversation at Athena's desk Alex is standing there, so focused on Eddie and ready to work in tandem with him, whereas Eddie is barely acknowledging her and having a heartfelt conversation with Athena. Like!!!!! Sir has NO interest in dating this woman, or any other woman. doesn't understand why you would suggest it.

and then in the hospital scene when arguably she could/should be cozying up to eddie and they can/would be establishing a new relationship, he again barely acknowledges her, too focused on abigail and talking with Athena. Then BUCK SHOWS UP and he gets to do the worried significant other jog, and the "c'mon let me see" of a worried significant other. probably very confusing for alex that there was no kiss or other intimacy shared upon meeting at the hospital, and then they're going to sell eddie's black eye as "sexy"?? I would be confused.

so eddie's been rejecting heterosexuality the whole episode and frankly this whole season, and to top it off he texts - presumably - maddie from inside a coat rack (the most see-through closet that there is, it doesn't have any walls or a door) so that she can bid on him for him. Which. would be giving an extremely strong start to a relationship vibe if they had had alex bid on him, but she was so much of nothing in all of the scenes she was in, it's really for the best that Eddie really just fears woman finding him attractive and wanting to date him (his freaked out but hiding it on the catwalk is honestly kind of hilarious) and he's doing his best to get a friend to bid on him so he flat out doesn't have to date anyone.

I saw people discoursing at the time that the amounts for everyone's bid didn't make sense, but personally I think they all make perfect sense. Harry was doing the slow climb of a respectable bid likely in the up to $2k range, but Athena was being Too Much and jumped the bid up from a few hundred to $1000 and was very vocal about it, scaring other bidders away. Fair. I don't think that no one would have bid on Ravi until May did like the show demonstrates, but the bidding makes sense, and his price point - and May jumping in I think a $300 increment instead of the 200 increments they had been doing it showed that she meant business. Eddie, had it been allowed to grow steadily, with the bids coming frequent and jumping with that same regularity, would have been a lot more than what it ended up being - because Maddie/the mystery bidder did the thing of jumping far ahead in the queue - I think like a jump of $500-$700 more than where the bids were currently at - turned off the other bidders just like Athena's did. And Buck's we don't see the whole bidding portion, but we get the gist that it's been going on for a while (and that single lady who only just lost out on Buck to the stitch and bitch was absolutely enough his type that Buck would have fucked her good) and then it's kind of a last ditch "c'mon let's break the record!" that gets them to $8002.

and I think for the fact this is a charity auction, these are all reasonable numbers people would pay - at a charity auction. $1k is nothing to Athena. $1700 is probably more than what May should be paying, but she's got her own place and is in her just-graduated glow where there's money in her account/space on her credit card so she's going to use it for this one big dumb thing. Eddie splurging $2500 is a bit of a hit, but not unreasonable, and Buck's price-point is clearly the HIGHEST, and it's a charity auction, and it's still only a single digit thousand dollar number (split between five widows!). So.

back to Eddie fears a heterosexual relationship Diaz (which, I noticed Alex called him Diaz here and was like LOL people don't call him Diaz! not people who know him/want him to answer/are not antagonizing him!) - him watching in awe and saying "Shameless" to Buck's multi-media presentation.... you'd think he'd understand, since he's seen Buck going out and hitting on people/getting hit on, and he knows how good of a dude he is, but seeing Buck intentionally present himself this appealingly is more shocked than anyone else at that 118 table. Everyone else is like, nodding approvingly (or Harry, pissed he wasn't allowed it) and Eddie's just... gobsmacked. Until May becomes shocked that Buck rips off his shirt. which was ALSO very funny.

anyway, I hope I've properly conveyed that Eddie is SO gay in this episode, and he so clearly was telegraphing that Buck's His Person, and also, I love that Buck was full of smooth moves and instead of a very fuckable date, he got senior citizens teaching him to knit. Very telling, that.

anyway, I know this is a tv show and so they're very wibby wobbly make-stuff-up to fit the narrative about how actual firefighting works, but Eddie literally also says in this episode he works 24 hour shifts. don't treat it like getting there at 5am isn't incredibly inconvenient for the other shift.

anyway, the calls they went on were really good thematic 'parallel the main plot' calls - a mother over protective of her child (which. that boy was reckless in Every Direction, wow. that they managed to demonstrate that so clearly in his little screentime is incredible) when really she needs to be instructing him on how to behave safely in all environments. and a grown man being overprotective over his elderly father who actually does not need overprotecting because he does in fact have his faculties, and he's been misunderstanding/misrepresenting what he does/has been doing. which. the older man storyline was SO awkward (the infantilization of your father!!!) but then the gentleman playing him was so unbelievably charming I actually loved it.

a thing I love about rewatching this episode is that someone else caught that in the opening sequence, everyone is chewing gum, so you can tell it's Chim's dream, and it was so cool to watch in context that they put such a cool detail in!! and then the actual first call Harry goes out onto is so so similar to that dream sequence, probably actually filmed on the lower level of where they filmed the real life call. very cool!

my faaaavorite scene of this episode was when Chim went to talk to Hen! Hen Chim besties!!! Beloved!!!! every other scene of this episode felt off and eek and then Hen Chim besties??? immediate relief and yay and sooooo good. They have that shared history and she can talk truth and sense into him! Because they were partners for so long and also Hen's not currently his direct report so she can just exist as a bestie right now! Oh it was perfect. as soon as it was over I rewound to watch the whole scene again.

unfortunate side note: Hen using a cane to walk is nowhere near as realistic looking as in the last episode when she was in a wheelchair and using a rollator. Steep decline in believability, imo. Especially since she was using the rollator when Harry graduated the academy, and now on his first day/week she's already improved to the point of just a cane? I know it's implied there's some time jump, but it can't have been THAT big.

Speaking of the Hen and Chim scene, the one directly before it with Buck, Ravi, and Eddie was more perfection, just not the immaculate kind of perfection that Hen Chim besties is. It's really impressive that they have this trio energy where they're good at bouncing off each other, but also there's a special kind of Buck Eddie undercurrent, but that doesn't mean that buck and ravi or eddie and ravi can't team up on the other. It was almost kinda like Buddie were parents who understood what the kid was going through, and then Ravi was their childfree/unmarried friend who understood, but less, but they all wanted to help. Y'know?

That was also the vibe in the earlier scene about sending Harry on a coffee run. Buck and Eddie were shooting each other looks while Ravi was also making the same case in tandem with them. It was just really well done! The Ensemble-ness of the ensemble show is doing really well this episode! I liked it!

Oh, and before I get to the thing I've been avoiding - some people at the time of airing had a problem with the "Bobby's knife" of it all, and that is a nitpick with no basis. As someone who watched the back half of season 8 and all of season 9 before watching season 7, I thought Bobby's prayer book in Eddie's possession came literally out of nowhere and I rolled with it! But a knife like that is NOT out of nowhere, and if you think it is, you've never known a man working a blue collar/hands-on job in your life. It's so entirely simple that it would feel condescending if they added something to explain it more! Bobby would have had that exact knife, and it would in fact be that beat up, and it would be the appropriate present for Harry's starting day/week to get him a new one to call his own! It made me cry! It was a good emotional beat!

If they didn't want to leave us with a cliffhanger they could've had that be the last real scene of the episode and then did one of their wrap up montage voiceovers after it and it would've been great.

But they did want to end on a cliffhanger. They've come back to the Abigail storyline and even knowing it's not gay like we wanted and not wanting it to be more than what it was.... it was still So Awkward. or at least the scene when he's.... brought her back to the firehouse. and when she's at his home. OTHERWISE! at the courthouse, that was all above board. I was actually quite happy with that scene - the one with Eddie and Abigail, not the one where Hen and Eddie don't know how to answer leading questions without doing exactly what the lawyer wants them to do. embarrassing showing guys.

Knowing that Abigail is 18 starting with that courtroom bench scene I think is SO Important because she Is an adult, but she's also just 18, so she's very child-like. Or - she's a child who doesn't know how adult she is coming off, and the awkwardness [and bad behavior!] inherent in some of her actions. Not a girl, not yet a woman as Britney Spears once said (I think). And of course, in the firehouse? Eddie and Alex are treating her like a child ("let the nice lady buy you some socks"), but at Eddie's house she is an adult who needs to drive "home" safely. But at the dinner table (and at his door), she's just a teenager like Chris who was hungry and needed a meal (how very Dad of Eddie), and is making comments (which are kinda snide but she doesn't know/think they are!) about Alex and Eddie!

sidebar about Alex: again, bad at her job? What do you mean you got the religiously traumatized young woman faith-based housing? I would've spoken up standing around that table at the firestation. "hey alex, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah, wtf are you thinking with faith-based housing, isn't there a non-faith option?" Also SHE is really treating Abigail like a child. Like an infantilization amount, or right on the edge. Like don't just go straight through homelessness protocol: "wow, I'm sure you need some socks, huh?" can you have a conversation with her first? Please? make her feel less stand-offish?

But Eddie is basically trying to be a Good Dad Figure here, but it gets weird since he's a single dad and even though he's treating her like a child, she is Not, and her actions might be fine if she was "just" a teenager - say 16 instead of 18, if she was only one year older than Chris, but the world we live in, there's gotta be distance! There's gotta be boundaries! and we haven't pulled the gay!Eddie parachute yet so we haven't explained why he's Like That and Missing Signs

but from a drama television standpoint, this storyline does a great job of misleading you and operating just on the edge of plausible deniability. Or rather - stupid things an 18 year old teenager might say or do that without the right context and not knowing her intentions can read really bad! It reads like stalker and being a danger to friends and family! But if you know the context and that she really is innocent and doesn't want THAT from Eddie, you can see that she's just looking for connection with the one person who showed her kindness (and saved her!), and she's thinking he's able to do more for her than he can.

Tragic and still absolutely difficult to watch because they filmed it so Knife's Edge, it's all about what you see and the characters' true intention. Well done narratively, which makes it hard to watch.

the dinner table conversation was so well done, though. Like!!! The "who's Alex?" of it all and Eddie getting very uncomfortable. But before that, the "how old are you?" ... "I got an early start" is sooooo! I love Chris in these contexts. More of these. i mean we got this and the one with Tia Pepa and Abuela. But I would like more.

But then the next scene post-montage was a misrepresentation of 911another disability! Boo! I was so happy with the main character disability representation and then BAM completely misunderstanding how that one specific kind of epileptic seizures works. Which to be fair I didn't know until after the episode aired and people who actually have that disability chimed in with corrections (similar to what happened with DID (aka multiple personality disorder)). So. Bad job there, 9-1-1, even though they did do a good job setting the scene up and the problem solving involved was cool. Although apparently someone had called 911, said where they were, and the previous dispatcher didn't send anyone even though the person abruptly stopped speaking? Not great.

The rest of the Hen disability rep I really appreciated, too! For a main characters they put in the care, time, and effort, I guess. The way that even if you're doing everything right it still might not get better. And maybe not knowing what it was for three months and not treating it caught up to you, or maybe just the mix of meds you're trying aren't helpful/don't work for you. So you just have to keep trying different ones, or try a different routine that your body actually responds to and that you can sustainably do! Like maybe doing it with your found family is good at first, but as you continue to fail you can't stand that, so you have to get an outsider to run exercises with you! And like, I've only done mild physical therapy unrelated to my biggest disability moment, and they're really good at their jobs and the specific, tiny exercise movements to help get your body back to where you want it/help maintain what you have. Side-note here: Aisha is putting in incredible work. Incredible work. Still so vibrantly Hen but so noticeably affected by her disability.

And Very Importantly the rest of the team - 118 plus Athena - keep showing up! Because there are days where you don't want to see anyone, or you have no energy for interacting with someone, but you still need a person. Like I remember when I was ill at home, I was just lying in bed, needing sleep/rest, but I really wanted the person at my home to stay in there with me. Just to sit with me. And like, maybe a different day I'd want them enjoying themselves not at my bedside, and you never know that until you're in the moment. And I love that it's a Buck Eddie one-two punch, that Buck knows that they can't leave her alone and Eddie knows that they just have to keep showing up anyway. Because they do!

There's something about this season, that the arcs all seem to be reinforcing the team needing to come together and care for each other. Which is somehow tied into the all-season grieving going on? I don't know, maybe it's just because I'm in the middle of one of them and am looking ahead to the other main one. But I think it's intentionally done and if you look at S9 as a whole, it's definitely a more prominent storyline than usual.

Hen and her younger self's diary! It was so good. Brilliant choice. Because this is an established part of Hen's past! It's been mentioned at least twice before! And I think it wasn't super specific about timing, so being able to place it within the timeline when she was writing a diary that ended up in Toni's possession! Loved it. Incredible. Exactly what someone ~wiggles hands~ age would do! Create something cheesy enough to work in this circumstance. And I always love Toni when she's on-screen, but I really really loved her being Hen's mom, reminding her of her past and how she's overcome things before, and how she's always been stubborn and impatient. But things take time and patience is needed! Also I am/was obsessed with her earrings this episode. I always love her style, but I was kinda mesmerized in that scene.

okay okay okay, now I can talk about Harry. I really like these baby steps towards becoming a firefighter, and they're all B/C storylines because it's really just... happening in the background. It takes a while. We had a two month time skip! He's learning and training and growing! And even though he's fighting it out for top of the class with Norris (that's what her/their nametag was during the ceremony at the end, so I'm going to assume it's their last name - I desperately want them to come back!) he still has a hangup! And it's the same one he's had (reasonable) - thinking about his mom and what she wants!

So I love that he went to Buck, because he really is big brother Buck, acting as his firefighter mentor! But he couldn't give helpful advice to Harry because his brain just doesn't work that way. But! He still went out of his way to help, going directly to Athena because he knew she could/would help.

And Athena and Harry's conversation was so!!!!!!!! I can't remember if I cried watching live, but I definitely shed a tear or two watching now. "I want you to quit." and it being what baby Harry would say to her about her own job!!!!! And honestly if anyone besides Angela Bassett delivered this little speech I probably wouldn't like it so much but it was SO GOOD. "i would leave, feeling terrible... then I would set it aside." WHICH!!! I think this already happened once in the overall Harry becoming a Firefighter Story Arc, where Athena's able to talk specifically with Harry and gets through to him in a way other members of the team can't because they're close and connected like that! Or maybe it was Harry talking to Athena saying that she's always been his first responder parent that he's following. Either way, I just think it's so consistent and good and real, them connecting like this.

It's really illustrated best in that scene when Chim goes over to apologize to Hen, and he's making extremely valid points, and his one not quite valid point has her saying "You're unhinged" and he says "because you're making me feel crazy!" and then she pivots to yelling about his weak point that he's not a good captain/people can't trust him as captain because she was interim captain and knows what it's like. but like. she's deflecting. she never did have to deal with something like this as interim! she's just poking his weak spot!!!!

before that, though, aisha and kenny were about making me cry while they were making up, and Chim said all the right things!!! except no, of course you're not going back to work??!? you COLLAPSED and you don't know WHY. you have a MYSTERY ILLNESS. and you don't have a desk job, you're a FIREFIGHTER PARAMEDIC! notably a very stressful job!

one last thing about Hen being a lying liar who lies - the confrontation intervention was going too well and everyone was asking reasonable questions "how does that protect them?" and she suddenly had to deflect a whole table of people concerned about her and who do not like that she lied to them for months and she brings out the big guns: grief over bobby. but i'll get back to that in a second, because: how does lying to your team protect them? karen so rightfully asks. spoiler: it doesn't! it doesn't protect them at all to have less information (y'know, one of the things that fucked them up about bobby's death is that he didn't tell anyone. and she thinks she's in the right because she was willing to recreate that situation with herself in bobby's place, not telling anyone until she was so far down that progressive illness road she died? NO! that's crazy talk). it really doesn't protect them from being hurt in the field by your inability to do your job due to a new symptom, or protect them from the hurt of not knowing what's going on with her!

the bobby rant she did - heck, maybe that was true. maybe that's something she really felt! maybe she felt isolated and that no one reached out to her about bobby's death, because everyone was in their own grief bubble. I mean, heck, we literally had a buck and eddie fight about them being stuck in their own grief bubble and not letting each other into the other person's grief bubble! so maybe not reaching out about her grief is true. but it is NOT true that no one asked her how she was full stop. Maddie literally asked you if you were okay when you stumbled. Eddie literally asked you if you were okay when you hesitated on a call. And we did a three month time skip so I would be willing to bet Chim and Buck and Karen all asked Hen how she was after she had a stumble, or a weird tremor, or was extra sleepy or tired one day. And she didn't tell them! She was self-isolating, putting herself in her own bubble, and now she's complaining that it was lonely in there. Yeah! you didn't let anyone in! i'm sure it was scary and the days just stretched on and on with uncertainty!

(it's also infuriating to me that the soundtrack of the scene is telling us that we should be listening and that this should be getting us on her side. and everyone at the table's faces are showing remorse and feeling bad for hen and like, sure, she is manipulating them, her loved ones. but not me! I was yelling in the middle of her speech noting each one of her lies! your sympathetic soundtrack isn't manipulating me!)

and it would've only gotten worse because she was the only doctor looking at her own tests (reminder: she's not a doctor, definitely not a specialist! at most she was a student doctor), and at some point even if she was the best med student there ever was - she was riddled with symptoms including fatigue and migraine and I'm sure her deductive and reasoning skills were at least partially impaired! She can't solve it on her own and we know now it's a progressive disease she was simply allowing to get worse because she wouldn't reach out for help. As Karen says, she's stubborn!!!!

so she's lashing out at everyone trying to help her, jabbing at all of their weak points. i'm so mad at her, but it's absolutely a real thing, extremely human. and, again, this is hen's fatal flaw. when she makes a mistake she can't admit it and ask for help, she tries to fix it all on her own, even if that only gets her into more hot water. it's an absolutely terrible way to manage making mistakes, but Hen so rarely makes mistakes that she still hasn't had to come up with a better way to handle her human fallibility.

i will note - when everyone is apologizing to her, and even when she was yelling at everyone - she made an athena exception. Athena, who was mad on her behalf at the start of the episode. Athena, who was the first person she told after Karen (and only person she actively told, frankly! everyone else found out via credit card receipts or seeing her collapse!). Hen and Chim called each other best friends in this episode, but I have to say - Hen and Athena bestieism is undefeated!

speaking of athena, when she walked in at the start of the episode I was a tad startled to see her looking so smart in her full uniform, but also - I was thinking about how nice it'll be now that she's a detective, how we're going to be treated to her fashion hour a lot more regularly now. I'm delighted, because Athena is always in a great outfit.

The dispatch AI storyline! I remembered about the rag-as-inappropriate-tourniquet bit, but I completely forgot that it essentially took Maddie's voice! Like that's some serious legal nonsense shit, if the program went longer, I'd definitely have Maddie make some kind of legal action that the AI program took her voice to literally take her job. It's a fucked up storyline, and I'm glad that in the tv world they were able to so solidly squash the AI for almost killing someone. Unfortunately here in the real world generative AIs have talked people into taking their own life, and nothing is done! WHICH! Is another way Maddie could be in hot water with the AI taking her voice - that's indistinguishable on the phone from Maddie on the phone, so someone saying "i just did what the 9-1-1 lady said" and you say 'who?' they can't tell if it was the AI or Maddie! AI pushing off it's incompetency on maddie when it's helpful for the AI!

the greatest/saddest hits of maddie 9-1-1 calls was brutal, though. Like I appreciate calling back to earlier seasons, I do! everyone should watch from the beginning! but omg, I didn't need to cry in that moment, and I did! like for fuck's sake you can't just bring up that clip where the guy drowns in his attic. you can't just spring that on someone!!!!!

of the many things that made me angry this episode, the divorce proceeding also made me angry, because that's some illegal shit, putting all the assets acquired during a marriage - including one that was apparently a gift?! - into an LLC you created pre-marriage. That guy is a crook. Like arguably she stole the car.... from an LLC, but she actually does have the moral high ground even though she was the one yelling and screaming.

the young man who got cut by the sliding glass door story - they did have those text messages appear on the screen in a way we could read them again!!! can we do that for main characters' texts, too?! pretty please? please tell me you learned from the eddie in el paso texts.

speaking of eddie, I loved his storyline with the veteran! I agree with ryan guzman that we can/should explore more of that with him. I mean, we bring up that he's a vet enough, why not get more story meat out of it??? Also, score another point for giving Eddie More To Do this season!!! Loved it.

also.... a wonderful episode with a side of buddie. in the start where they're sweeping the hose lines (???), understanding both parts of the issue, then speaking at least a little collaboratively (aka like a married couple) at the scene of the vet who took the grocery store, and then being a unit at the intervention! and it's funny that the hypothetical of Chim doing the exact same - firing a team member who lied - is for Buck when Buck in the past been been on the verge of a firing for health reasons (blood clot), but he was completely honest with Bobby (and it was actually bobby in the wrong for the lawsuit era because buck DID everything by the book and was open), and then in the future of This Season we see Buck be open again! and in a situation similar to what Hen's going through, I think we could count on him starting with telling Eddie, if not going straight to Chim, and Eddie would urge him to do the right thing and let the captain know. They'd have a conversation about what to say and what to not say. I feel like they've had those conversations before!

Cryptic pregnancy!!! I love cryptic pregnancies as a narrative device (eventually... eventually I will cryptic-mpregnancy trap Eddie Diaz, but Not Yet, my fic docket is working on other bits) because you can do so many fun things with it! Like make a woman going on a first date go into labor with her brand new man! And wonderfully, have that man step up (after Buck gives him some encouraging words!! <3 ) - which it's not the first time 9-1-1 has done the first date gone bad thing, and that if they get through it together relatively intact, they're probably going to make a pretty good couple!

And of course because I watch the pitt I am now thinking about every time they alert the hospital for some kind of incoming trauma and then partially or mostly deal with it before they even transport them.... like at least get them put in the ambo! And I know Hen was like "we gotta act now!" but I have my doubts and also- is that not something you can do while driving her to the hospital with the emergency lights on???? I don't know the medical bits of whether it is necessary or not, but I watch lots of Actual OB/GN doctors going through stuff and I'm skeptical. It works for the story, but I'm skeptical! But two thumbs way up for the cryptic pregnancy of it all. Maddie could've been less pushy and more kind/understanding on the call, but the overall story premise worked soooo well. :)

The show let buck fuck!!!!! and it was so hot!!! And considering how completely awkward and nerdy he can seem in the main/usual narratives of the show, seeing Buck in his full flirty element, picking up and being picked up is So Much and definitely overwhelming. Like I don't think we've seen full Buck with his I wanna fuck charm on for a while. There was that like, one second where he invited Tommy back to Eddie's house for their one-nighter (not sustained, didn't get awkward), and before that I wanna say it was Taylor, which was mostly glimpses of it, like when we saw them On Top of Each Other but in the lead-up was much lighter; at least it felt that way. So like, the last sustained "i wanna get with you" charm Buck was exuding was toward Abby. Like that whole bit when they first hook up was So Much because that charm was dialed UP and it's the same way here!!! Buck and his flirty come-on eyes all through both dates, and then we see them start to hook up and I was OVERCOME because it was filmed so it could and would be So Hot and it WAS.

of course, Buck is right that they weren't actually practicing ethical non-monogamy because they didn't tell him!!! they were only being ethical to each other, not to Buck!!! Like, the ENM of it all in the context of the club is totally fine - see if he hits on us both, who he calls, but then when you DO score a date? You're talking about your brother and career and yadda yadda yadda, mention your spouse! Instead of just calling Buck a unicorn suggestively and leaving it at that. Which, knowing what you know on rewatch it is kind of obvious that's what she means/is implying/hoping he picks up on, but he doesn't! Because he's a loyal monogamist at heart and has no interest in being a third or being poly. Not that we would've heard about it if Buck had a past proclivity with threesomes, but even in Buck 1.0 days, he was a one woman at a time kind of guy!

Which, I realized on this watch, is why he's even making it a thing with Eddie and Ravi, asking "that's not good, right?" because he doesn't even want to date more than one person at a time, let alone be poly, even though there's nothing wrong with dating two people (a FIRST date) when you haven't discussed exclusivity with either of them - CLEARLY. (there's nothing wrong with poly either, I'm just saying in this context)

Speaking of Eddie and Ravi, I love this trio SO MUCH they're SO FUN. I hope we get more of it, especially now that we're really learning more about Ravi and seeing his personality (he's so straight, guys, I'm so sorry to everyone who's been headcanoning him as pan, but he's So Straight the way he gets bowled over by how hot Jade is multiple times this ep and how he acts checking out women at the club) so Buck and Eddie can chirp him back. But their banter is amazing and I love it.

"gonna go seed the ground" "don't- buck - don't seed!" "let your wingman fly" "he's a kamikazee" brilliant brilliant brilliant, and then: "he's unbelievable" "that's buck." not to mention the whole tighty-whitey/chastity belt conversation "this metaphor is oddly working" BEAUTIFUL. also side note: clearly they're not in a locker room that has you able to see people changing if ravi doesn't know if eddie is a boxer briefs or tighty-whiteys guy! that or ravi is Very Respectful with his eyes.

another more important side note: the way eddie looks at buck at the club! he's SO fond of him. so fond. he is only out tonight because of buck. because he's enjoying spending time with his best friend and his friend-coworker. He's delighted by buck even when he's annoyed by him. and I don't really need or want to get into the whole "why are you so bad at this" thing because i think it's nothing - at most it's "that's too complicated to get into right now"/"i don't know"/"it's not a joke" BUT! i think it's a fun bit that Buck doesn't know his three o'clock from his nine o'clock and accidentally pointed eddie in his own direction.

i will make something about this though: "you haven't looked at a woman in over a year" "neither have you" "not true and also, not my point" Helloooooooo??? essentially canon confirmation that Eddie would get a girlfriend if Buck did, that he's measuring their dating lives against each other (which, narratively we've seen happen repeatedly from either buck or eddie, they like to either both be coupled up or both single. they don't like being lopsided). But ALSO, Buck saying that's not true is telling me that he's been on one-off dates that went nowhere OR that he goes out to bars/clubs to hookup and Eddie just isn't in the loop for that. even just the suggestion of that is delightful to me.

and i haven't even gotten to the Hen of it all yet. oof!

So Hen is in the wrong here. As Athena says, they'll all be mad at her after they're done being very scared for her. And Athena calls her out on her lying, too! She knows it's because Hen doesn't want to get pulled from being in the field. Which is part of why she's been paying out of pocket at the Luna clinic and looking at all of her own labs instead of actually going to a doctor. I guarantee the LAFD has excellent health benefits, but if you put something like that on your insurance it's much more likely that you'll be pulled to at LEAST light duty. (I don't know how that works out legally, I feel like it doesn't, but Still. The paper trail!) Which Hen should've been on! Since she doesn't seem to collapse that often, it probably would've worked that she stay light duty and go mainly on medical calls - even though she's having to off-load the actual procedure to Eddie! Like, in a normal profession - I need to go to the doctor and figure some shit out? None of my work's business. For firefighting where your life, the team's life, and the public's life is in danger? Nuh uh, they need to know.

Which is why she should have told Chimney earlier and it's actually a bigger betrayal to Chim than it is to Karen. She put all of them in jeopardy. Karen at least can see that Hen's been trying to figure it out and care for herself - but omg she also dropped thousands of dollars on treatments and had a huge bag full of medications. And the first thing she says is "you went through my stuff?" like she's trying to reclaim the moral high ground. you can't, Hen! Karen's allowed to look around her own house and look at your shared finances! She also knows you as well as/in a different way than Athena does, and she knows that you were trying to be unnecessarily self-sufficient and figure it out yourself even though you are a paramedic, and you were at best a student doctor. One with a lot of real world training, but that doesn't change that she never did rotations or worked in an actual hospital or clinic, she knows emergency medical procedures, not the in-depth stuff she'd need to know to solve her own medical mystery.

In future episodes I will relate to and feel for Hen in her chronic illness struggles, but right now (even as she's having a massive onset of symptoms) I'm just pissed at her for lying. Especially when it's a medical thing! You didn't do anything wrong to make this happen! Just tell your wife and partners at work about it! They can help you figure out and carry the burden! The line was once you collapsed. Truth had to come out then.

To the Chim of it all. He is clearly full of self-doubt as full official captain of the 118 (it's his first episode as full captain, even if it's three months after the episode he got sworn in) since he's still not sure he can fill Bobby's shoes. That's why he's misreading this situation that Hen doesn't trust him, when Hen would've lied to Bobby about this, too! She's scared! and she's trying to carry the burden alone, so she's isolating instead of reaching out. But Chim can't see that. HOWEVER, Chim is fully clear at the implications of her actions, and that disciplinary action is warranted.

Unfortunately, as Chim noted earlier in the episode (right before he said it was "quiet" and jinxed it), he's having trouble riding the line of being captain versus being friends/family with the core group! So he doesn't know how to discipline one of his close friends/family underlings. He doesn't know how to switch between being betrayed as a friend and the betrayal and serious harm of her actions as a fire captain. I mean, it's legally dubious for him to fire her when all he has is Karen's word that it's been going on for months - she has a bunch of credit card statements, but there's no way to prove he knew about those, it's just Karen's word - if it was the first time she collapsed outright and nothing had been going on previously, he could not fire her. (I am not a lawyer.) BUT! he also clearly only fired her because she goaded him into it, asking to be treated like anybody else. He was at a loss before that, unsure how to discipline. Luckily, since he's going to calm down before filing any paperwork, she won't be officially fired. She's only fired in the context of this room and the fight between them.

and of course Eddie is always down for some hospital meatloaf (questionable, Eddie), but he's also the one in charge while Chim (and Hen, who I assume would be first in line interim captain again) is at the hospital!!! I am assuming it's Eddie instead of Buck because A) Eddie has more certifications and has taken more tests than Buck has, putting him at a higher leader position technically. B) The show is showing its conservative values again and even though he and Buck are the same in many ways - Eddie does have a kid, which is a step towards that ideal nuclear family the show clearly loves.

Possibly most important from this episode (because Hen's lying pisses me off): the kinsey scale shot. <3333333 Buck right in the middle for his bisexuality (it's official, we Let Buck Fuck and demonstrated that he's into men and women equally, they had practically identical dates!), and to the side is Zane, eyeing up Eddie, a little more gay, and there's Jade, eyeing up Ravi (who clearly almost goes for it), a little more straight, and then there's Ravi (again, about to risk it all for the hottie) in the very straight man spot, and then at the other end is Eddie! Still so repressed he doesn't know what to do with himself in the gay spot (he freaks while almost keeping his expression exactly the same and bolts). It's so iconic.

Buck this episode was So Parental and Guiding Mentor I'm absolutely obsessed with him. When he was pacing outside of Harry's test and interview!!!! The dad in Buck jumped out. It's not the first time, and it certainly won't be the last! Which - the way Harry gets maneuvered through this was SO nepo baby coded of him - but I like to believe that if you are invited to take the test you are also invited to use the facilities, so that part isn't really cheating or anything. He just also has a personal trainer who can tell him how best to answer his interview questions and helps him train/workout in specific ways! Which in some ways is all a nepo baby is - having more knowledge than a person with no connections at all. In the realm of this episode though, I looooooove a montage! And Buck asking him questions and personal train-ing him was so good. so, so good! We got to showcase Buck's new backyard which of course is a kind of gym area, we got to see him driving his truck, we got to see Buck show off his knowledge a little bit!!

The montage is the best part, but also the best part of this storyline is Harry showing up at Buck's door and info-dumping on him, because so far Harry's storyline has been exclusively between Athena and May! But now the broader team gets to learn what he's been up to, and presumably have a similar reaction to Buck. Except Buck feels at least semi-responsible so he's even more afraid of Athena being mad at him than someone whose idea it wasn't to give Harry a ride-along. His reaction was so good. Asking all the right questions! It is funny though that Harry says he wants to do this on his own but then immediately say he needs Buck's help. ALTHOUGH, brownie point for Harry, asking for help is actually an excellent sign of maturity and shows he is willing to learn!

Never gonna get over the nepo baby allegations of having such an in that even though you backed out you can just know where the chief is eating dinner, walk up to him, and chat to him about it. Like the Chief knows your name, that's Wild. That's so nepo baby of you.

Buck's saying about it not hurting less to give something up than to have it taken away is so deep and I really like it and wish I could remember the exact wording (maybe have it on a cross-stitch to remind myself to be brave). It's definitely Buck-lived-experience advice, though, and I love that a lot, too.

Chimney's small little plot point that's really just more of just Something That Needs to Happen To Move the Story Forward was so sweet. Him acting so weird was so cute and funny. Although, with little stuff like that it's so nice to see the main crew just hanging out post-work shift, being funny and quippy amongst themselves. I did really like how Chief Simpson (that's his name, right? I swear I just watched the episode) spun things in his little speech - which if you listen you can tell they're kind of full of shit, which is often the point and a funny thing for the show to do - that Chim taking so long was actually somber consideration and stuff. Which is actually mostly true! It was also a lot of fear, but obviously they're not going to say that. Nugget of truth among the bullshit.

Also a thing I said while watching: well, you have to have a wife to be captain, need a wife to pin that badge to you! (but we can talk about the underlying conservative politics of the show Later) A wonderful thing about a re-watch, though, is getting to pause and replay things, and the little group breakdowns of who is hanging out together was so sweet. Karen-May-Ravi at a table, Eddie laughing at something Buck said in their conversation with Harry, and Hen and Maddie hanging out! Beautiful. The watch scene was also Beautiful.

Hen's mystery illness!!! well first I'm going to say something about the woman who got a CT scan and DIED (wow, it's been a while since a death of someone on a call). A) of all, her having no family history is one of those reasons that anonymous sperm and egg donors should be illegal! Knowing an updated medical history for those children/people is imperative to prevent huge medical problems down the line. Which, interestingly enough, you hear Hen talking to her Mom about her own medical history, trying to get information because it's IMPORTANT. Even as it's annoying to fill out the whole thing. B) of all, that fuckass doctor shoving the tablet in the team's face being like SHE SIGNED A WAIVER! Yeah, and you didn't look at her once while she was in the scanner, which is a huge dereliction of duty on his part. Like, the people running the scans aren't doing nothing behind that wall. Being on the phone the whole time is definitely medical malpractice or something. Especially since he's just on a sales call. Someone else should be doing that! She was probably dead in the scanner for like twenty minutes because he straight up didn't notice her allergic reaction, which was obvious and immediate.

Okay, those are my all-caps feelings, here's lower caps feelings: I've had several ct scans and pet scans and never has any of the injectable dyes tasted like pennies. For CT scans it's mostly that you feel like you've peed yourself even though you haven't. But maybe it's a different medicine on the show so it's one the woman could be allergic to. I don't know, I'm not a doctor.

Absolutely LOVED when they guy was like "well shock her!" and Hen and Eddie are just like SHE'S IN ASYSTOLE, YOU CAN'T SHOCK ASYSTOLE, which is one-hundred percent something they themselves have done in earlier seasons, but it was something The Pitt really pointed out to viewers as something tv shows get wrong. You shock to get a heart back into a normal rhythm; for flatlining, you give epi and do chest compressions until the heart is pumping again. I don't think your regular degular viewer would probably notice that this is a bit of meta, but for someone who reads too many interviews and watches The Pitt and pays attention to the medical stuff, it's SO meta it's delightful, and it's folded in so naturally into a scene where they're really just dressing down this doctor who's in the stupid vanity scanning industry. Chef's kiss.

Okay, now for the Hen of it all. I think the first instance of her lying to Karen is sort of valid. Her phone call literally woke her up and an initial feeling of downplaying such a significant symptom is kind of valid when up until now she's only had a weird rash and shaking hands. She doesn't want or need (even though she does need) Karen to rush her and the kids home and to get carted off to the ER. Misguided but understandable since she's still getting her bearings on what's what. So she lies. It's when she brushes off Maddie's concern and then makes up a patient and asks her leading questions that we're making our way into seriously-fucking-up territory. If that post wasn't there she would have tripped and fell down the stairs, probably seriously injuring herself!

And like, if it was me, that call with my mother asking about family medical history would also be me telling her what weird things have been happening and going over a game plan of action. Or I could be doing that with Maddie! Instead she bald-faced lies to Maddie - WHO is extremely distracted taking care of baby Nash and the busy-ness of the day where her husband became a new captain! I'm sure SHE would talk through it with Hen in a medical way and take it seriously and not make too big of a deal out of it, putting two medical heads together if Hen would just be honest! Instead she's put it in the realm of a patient they had, which Maddie doesn't care about! Get her to lock-in, Hen, and she'll be a staunch ally and a huge asset.

Looking ahead, I'm glad the conflict over her lying will only last the next two episodes (this is its introductory episode), and then the next two/three focus on her struggle/recovery with the illness. Right now it's about her secrecy! WHICH! Is Hen's fatal flaw. I'm tired of people saying her lying is out of character. It comes back time and time again! She keeps secrets because she thinks she can do things herself and/or she thinks she knows best and/or she thinks she can fix it before anyone finds out. It is a consistent, reasonable flaw.

Next episode is Secrets, I'm excited!!!!! It's a Hen main plot episode but it is easily remembered as a great Buck plot! We finally let Buck fuck! (and discover that people are going to view him as a unicorn, but we can get into that next time.)

Buck storyline!! Delighted we get to see his new gorgeous house, delighted that Maddie's there being a nuisance of an older sibling, delighted that he's apparently terrible at labelling boxes and unpacking in a timely manner. I relate to you deeply, Buck (except for the labeling thing, I would never write "K" for "kitsch" I would write out Kitchen and then also misc or holiday). I know the fandom's up in arms and full of theories about where Buck's been living for those months he was looking for a place and then waiting to move in, but honestly what a wonderful writing choice to simply not address it. A beautiful thing to ret-con later if they need to! and also, in a tv show it simply doesn't matter. It's exactly the kind of thing we want and need to write our little stories.

The one gripe I do have with the Buck storyline is the cream of tartar business. Cream of tartar is unique enough and specific enough in cookie baking you know it's that weird ingredient for sugar cookies and snickerdoodles. I can kind of tell the writers were trying to do some sort of equivalent of the cocoa powder in the chili thing here, but that's not how cookies work, and more about how unsweetened cocoa powder works. I guess it also kind of works in the "how did you know?" category because how would dude know if it was like, nutmeg or ginger or a dash of chili powder or something? That would be weirder. Tang is easy.

The actual thing where Buck has an alcoholic living in his attic I think is actually a really innovative storyline! Because Buck is so kind but also he does get so deeply betrayed he's a good character to put in that morally grey situation. And of course he's got the whimsy and the hope to think Bobby's haunting him. But I do like that they made it still a Sign From Bobby! and I liked that Ravi helped him play-act through the motions of talking with Bobby, and that he said it's what Bobby would say! I mean, it kind of is. the weight of the words Buck was yelling "it's not your house, not anymore" I think could be just as-is, but I do feel like the weight was put on them to make it more meaningful. Metaphor-full, if you will, about Buck trying to establish a life, to be his own person, something something something. Abandonment issues? idk, i don't think the show fully fleshed it out.

It did hurt a little bit more at the end where he says that he's a friend of a friend because by the end of the season...... he's gotten to the friend portion, which is sad. Very sad to think about.

the calls this episode!! Apart from the Abigail one, which I'll get to while talking about Eddie, except to say the cinematography of them turning off all the lights and blowing out the candles was eeeeeexcellent and perfect for a Halloween episode! - the calls were kind of fun and funny. I mean, dude at the start should NOT have been driving without being able to see, or at least while they're trying to fix it, PULL OVER. Interesting that some of the gang thinks there's a "costume curse" though. Lovely bit of consistent characterization!!!

Rolling giant pumpkin did make me absolutely cackle. Again. It's such a beautiful little part of the episode. Ridiculous, but in a way that makes sense to the kind of bonkers calls that first responders may have to respond to - because it is very clearly a traffic impediment! Also Athena's "Taser taser taser!" call - I assume the correct thing to do when you are about to fire your taser - and we know Athena is By The Book - is a sound that plays on loop in my head sometimes. It's wild and I love it. And like, I love that Officer Williams also tried to puncture it, he assumed it would roll normally, but Athena (with that information, I presume), decided to puncture it with the little rods that are in tasers!

I feel like the guy who got hit and walked off thinking himself dead is a metaphor meant to tie in to our main character's storylines, I just can't quite grasp it. When grief makes you feel dead, but instead you're just walking around a grumpy zombie? I'm not entirely sure; maybe it was just a fun call to showcase a wacky condition.

Eddie Diaz grappling with his faith that connects him to his abuela and his tia pepa and Bobby, but he's not sure he likes it, likes mass, he's just Not Sure. Which!!! of course if he hated it growing up, it would feel weird reconsidering as an adult. But he goes with his abuela and enjoys it - you gotta find the funny priest, those are always the best - and I think being able to tie it in with his family is what makes it so hopeful and like it might be the right thing to do - but then (and I did not remember this) the scene immediately after it is Abigail in the little church. Even if it was a subtle comparison - which it isn't - putting them right next to each other would certainly make you compare and contrast them!

It's really the duality of faith - on one hand, it's your favorite family member telling you that you don't have to find God in church, you can find Him in love, because "what is love if not a sign of God's presence?", on the other hand it's the way some people use religion to abuse children for anything, even something as slight as going to a college prep retreat instead of a missionary trip. Which is extremely real in the scope of modern religion. You think you're in your own little corner and having your own little faith journey (wearing shirts that show off a bit of chest hair, WOW, eddie), and then you're reminded/confronted with the other side of the coin. This place, this thing, can be and often is terrible.

It's hard to square that circle and I'm glad they didn't end with a clear path for Eddie in that regard. He isn't telling Chris, Chris can decide about all of that when he's older, because he's not going to force him to go. (which i love for eddie. excellent dad brownie point for him) Eddie is trying to figure it out, whether he's doing it for Bobby, or Abuela, or himself. And the prayer at the end....that's what religion is often for - those very hard moments, you want to connect with something/someone and you want to make yourself feel less miserable about it all, so you pray. Which, from my experience/in a theory of mine, it can feel a lot like what I think meditation is supposed to, reciting a prayer together. Praying the rosary? Can be meditation, just by a different name.

Eddie's still trying to figure himself out and how he feels about faith, in the midst of losing Bobby and now Abuela, and I like that. He deserves to figure some stuff out. Maybe start feeling the love around him. (fwiw that's my personal theology (informed by my many years of church-going), that while you can feel God in a place, where God really is is in other people - that's kind of the whole Jesus and holy ghost of it all imo)

The Abigail storyline, Eddie was most focused on the religious trauma of it all (valid), and how it'll likely lead to 30 years of therapy, but I did really appreciate how the rest of the team focused on the how and the why and the logistics, particularly Buck's look around the area (which he does not-infrequently - figuring out how the situation came to be!), and Chim, who is the paramedic captain. I keep seeing that so differently, that he sees these scenes with a paramedic lens. And then the adults responsible all get arrested! How nice. How tv show of them. I'm glad we came back to this story in however many episodes, even though I wish it was more gay. But it's fine as-is! The work it does in this episode is fantastic.

The Dia de los Muertos of it all!!! I loved that they started and ended the episode with the parade and Eddie looking hot but devastated. I loved that it was a big parade and we spent long voiceover slow-mo time watching it. I'm the most thrilled that Eddie and Chris set up an ofrenda, that story beat was absolutely perfect. Eddie learning that this is another way to deal with grief and to remember loved ones and connect with his culture and pass it onto Chris!!! 10/10

Athena being in the white space that was earlier for all of the group going up in the capsule just answering what you would think are questions they asked everybody, and then the turn when you see it's basically her subconscious because young athena is there..... Chilling. Brilliant Work. and the many different angles we get of her in that space before that are telling us something is a bit different.... So Good. SO GOOD on rewatch. and like..... there are certain issues to be had with Athena because she is a (proud!) cop character, but especially when you add up all the things from her flashbacks and how she currently works, she is actually an incredibly consistent character and when you get down to the core of her, I really love her. Especially when you remember that she initially signed up because of a guy - and presumably found she was really good at it.

Of all the times we've seen her former partner, this is the best episode for him as a character, clearly. And it really bleeds into the bits of her sense of self in the job and the conversation that happened in her subconscious - which interestingly will bleed into when she gives Harry his pep talk about putting on the uniform. Which is consistent with what we've heard from her in earlier seasons in similar situations! Like the way she likens putting on her uniform to the way a waitress or a mail carrier would is So Important to Me and how she sees herself.

ANYWAY. it was really wild that the guy flirting with her was Michael, in retrospect. He was a cutie! It does explain a bit why he's so try-hard, though, and from my vague recollection of season 1, they were both kind of desperate (as he tells it), which explains her clear settling for somebody and his extremely forward way of letting her know he's interested. Not that Athena wasn't a smokeshow, but I assume in most situations such things are done smoother, and/or there's more spark and interest from the beginning.

Oh, and I forgot, I love that Rick is in this episode! Young!Rick! He's great. I love Rick.

The actual astronaut on the ISS is so great. Consummate professional, willing to work with everyone, very knowledgeable, good at everything the way astronauts need to be!!!! And I really loved the way she uses everyone's title Every Single Time. She said I Respect You and Your Professional Authority. It is a nitpick of mine that apparently at the start of the geomagnetic storm there were only two people up there, the guy who died and her?? Like... what? I know astronauts are not always sent up in huge numbers, but that's some heavy understaffing of the international space station. Y'know, that multiple, multiple countries are a part of using/maintaining, etc? I don't know how many people normally staff it, but I don't think in any normal time "2" is a reasonable number. I could be wrong, but it certainly FEELS wrong.

Athena's self-sacrifice moment and fight with Hen is !!!!! Like I'm just fully on athena's side here, and it's also the start of, in this season, Hen using her own grief over bobby as a weapon against people (where it is various levels of appropriate). Athena's line about there being more people in heaven for her..... DEVASTATING. Even though, aren't her parents still alive? It's Emmett and Bobby, right? Well, and maybe from this episode we a little bit count her partner, but idk.

oh! and I do like the continued development of the other normal people who went up into space. The tech guy and tripp's fiancee getting closer and becoming a thing is so cute and works so well. And then when they team up at the end?? Good for them! And the football coach/former astronaut just continues to be extremely capable. He's a problem solver! He just also happens to understand more STEM than most people of that stereotype! I love him video-calling his team from the ISS to draw up a gameplan.

Love Hen and Athena's return home. Love that Harry actually can make a good latte (while it was happening live I thought it was gonna be that it was terrible). I do understand Athena's anger that Harry applied to the LAFD, and I think is an important part of the narrative of Harry becoming a firefighter. Hen and Karen showing affection is always a 10/10 from me.

noticed this time where I didn't before, that in the voiceover of the newscaster, in being thankful there weren't more casualties, he says something like "as if someone out there is watching over us" which kind of just sounds like an unusual God reference, but this time I was like... are we talking about Bobby? Is bobby the benevolent figure watching over LA to keep them safe? wish it had been expressed less subtly, if so! because i can see the show taking that stance.