#live audio

I texted this to an old friend and remembered when I was in Boise, about 1 year on E and spiraling over my future, I had a bad show. but it wasn't any different than other bad shows, it wasn't even my worst one. for whatever reason, it paralyzed me.

all of the sudden my audio console scared me; frequency identification, volume perception, and mic positioning were suddenly completely foreign and unknowable to me. I would hear feedback and freeze. there were several days where sitting behind a console would make me cry.

for six weeks I was relegated to back up duty, filling in for video, babysitting, working general projects and completely terrified of mixing audio. it shouldn't be surprising that this coincided with the election ramping up, my dysphoria worsening, and other general issues as well. I was terrified that I would lose the only marketable skill I had and have to go back to bad retail.

I wish I could say there was some trick, but getting over it took time and some dedicated practice. we left Boise six months later and things got better. I guess I needed to remind myself that things have already gotten better and they will keep getting better.