#littlebeanmichael

Hey, beans.

So I guess you’re all wondering what the hell happened to me, huh? Well this is going to be long and babbling, but stick with me and I will explain it all.

As most of you know, shortly before I deleted littlebeanmichael, I announced that I was quitting writing fic and would not be active on the blog anymore.

It was something that had been coming for quite a while. I wasn’t enjoying writing as much, and running the blog was starting to feel more like a job I had to do, rather than a hobby I wanted to do. I was staying up past 2am in a panic, desperately trying to churn out a good piece of writing for you guys every week. With a full time job and a surprisingly active social life, I was spending every spare minute I had either writing or queuing posts or answering asks.

It was starting to take over my life.

A/n: Finally finished this lol. I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK 💜

Type: Badboy!Luke Series

Part 1

It’s been a few weeks since you walked out of your boyfriend’s apartment. Ex boyfriend you should say. You’ve never felt more miserable than you do now. You wondered how Luke was doing. Was he suffering like you? Did he move on? He has to have right? It’s freaking Luke Hemmings. The notorious bad boy of your city; but you knew better than to believe the rumours that floated around day and night.

Everybody thought he was a menacing, threatening, unsafe, unstable and anything else remotely close to these words type of person. But he only portrayed that side because of his reputation. And you knew that. You understood it so well that every time someone commented on his “treacherous” behaviour, you still defended him. They just didn’t know.

A few weeks of ice cream and movies to try and get your mind off him did not help at all. Thoughts of him plagued your mind, tormenting your sleep and torturing you during your wake. He was as addictive as the cigarettes that hung from his mouth. Since that dreadful day, he’s left a few messages but stopped, relatively fast in your opinion. But I guess you should have expected it since you practically ripped his heart out, along with your own.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you heard the door open. You got up just in time to be met with your best friend, Bella.

“Alright so change into this and hurry the fuck up please.” She spoke while passing by you and handing you a bag.

You stood there for a few seconds, confused but as you opened the bag you saw a black dress and you instantly knew what she was going on about.

“I’m not going to the club Bel.” You dropped the bag onto the couch and continued eating your ice cream.

She stood there, hands on hips as she narrowed her eyes at you. “Y/N, you’ve been cooped up here for weeks straight, you have to get out honey.” Her eyes softened as she looked at you.

You sighed. You knew she was right but it was a hard time getting over the one person who made you feel genuine, unforced happiness. I guess it was time to move on, right?

“We leave if I feel suffocated and hate it.” You said as you went to change into the dress she brought, smiling slightly as you heard her let out a squeal.

_____

You reached the club and surprisingly was having a good time. It was just you and a couple of other friends, enjoying the bass that pulsed through your veins and the lights that flickered in the dimly lit room across the faces of half drunk half high people scattered haphazardly throughout the room.

You had a few drinks but not enough to be considered wasted. You just wanted to dance and at least attempt to have a good time.

“Hey I’m going to go outside for a bit okay!” You shouted over the music at Bella as she nodded at you and tapped her phone, signalling to text her if you needed her. You smiled at her as you sifted your way through the sweaty bodies on the dance floor and out to the exit.

You sighed as you reached outside and leaned against the wall, taking in the refreshing cool air that enveloped the night.

This was fun, right? I mean you were having a good time so why be anything but happy? Thinking about Luke hasn’t left your mind and it probably wouldn’t for a good while. It’s hard to forget about someone who gave you so much to remember.

You have to learn to live without him. It’s the only way to move on from the flawed, yet completely perfect relationship you had with him. It may not be everyone’s definition of perfection, but it was pretty damn close to yours.

You decided to head back in but stopped abruptly as you felt a hand tug your wrist back out. You were getting ready to scream when you saw those familiar set of cerulean waters stare right into you.

“Luke what the fuck!” You pushed at his chest as he smirked. Damn that smirk. “You scared me.”

He put one arm on the wall behind you as he leaned in. “I’m sorry angel I just needed to talk to you.” His voice changed from playful to serious within seconds and you couldn’t pull away. You didn’t want to pull away. His embrace, his warmth, his sarcastic yet alluring nature, everything. You missed everything about him.

“I know you said you didn’t want to hurt anymore.” He began as he pulled you further from the exit when he saw people coming out, glaring at the guys who were shamelessly undressing you with their eyes. But this wasn’t the time to let his threatening image pop through.

You followed him, resisting the urge to kiss his lips right then and there. Control yourself Y/N control. This is for the best.

“And I know I’m selfish but I need you back in my life baby.” He said, cupping your jaw.

“Luke I-”

“No, hold on. Just listen please.” He begged, just wanting you to hear him out first before you shut him down.

“We’ve been together for 2 and a half years and I want that to continue.” He sighed, letting go of you while pacing in the confined alley.

“I miss you baby. Your smile. Your eyes. Your lips. Your hair. Your voice. Your teasing. The way you walk. The way you say my name. The way you stare at me. The way you talk. You.” He breathed out, his piercings standing out more in the bright night.

“I love you.”

You let out a quiet sob at his speech. Why was this so hard?

He immediately came over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, whispering soothing words to calm you down.

“Being happy was so much easier when you were around.” You whispered, gripping onto his leather jacket and looking up at him.

“We can still have that.” He rubbed your sides, something you’ve always found utterly relaxing. “I can fix this Y/N I promise. Just give me a chance to.”

You debated it. You couldn’t go back to seeing him get beat up every night. But you couldn’t stand another day without him in your life. He was like a hit. You just wanted more and more of it.

He brushed his lips on your forehead. “This scares me more than any rival gang I’ve met you know?”

You chuckled quietly. “I know, I can be pretty intimidating.” He laughed at your response, finally easing the stiffness in his joints as you grabbed his neck down to place a chaste kiss to his lips.

Things will get better, you thought.

Until you heard that gunshot rush through the wind, ringing in your ears as a bloodcurdling scream was let out.

Crew are not to be romantically involved with cast members. Doing so may result in termination of employment.

When you’d first signed on to work as a production assistant for a major Hollywood studio, you’d glazed over that portion of the contract. You’d been told that you would first be working on an action movie, starring a past-his-prime star and a woman 20 years younger than him. Unless there were any exceptionally hot extras, there wouldn’t by anyone on set that you would want to hook up with. However, just the day after you’d signed the contract, you’d received the information that you were being assigned to a new movie, a romance. A heart-wrenching, Nicholas Sparks-esque, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl discovers she only has two months to live romance, starring a young starlet opposite the very hot, very talented Luke Hemmings.

Although you’d recently been crushing on the blond haired, blue eyed actor from magazine covers lining the grocery store checkout line, you still weren’t worried. Why would Luke Hemmings, who was in a different club every night and rumored to be dating a different model every week, even look twice at you, who would be at the bottom of the totem pole on set and was fresh out of college and working to pay off student loans?

You hadn’t counted on somehow catching his eye the first day on set. You hadn’t counted on him actively pursuing you. And you hadn’t counted on waking up naked in his king size bed in his Beverly Hills mansion just a few days after meeting him for the first time. “Shit.” You murmured, realizing that you had made a huge, huge mistake. Panicking, you slithered out of bed and began gathering your clothes, planning to dress quickly and leave before he woke. You’d worry about what you would do the next time you saw him later on.

“You know I’m not really a morning person,” You heard from behind you as you were bent over picking up your bra. You straightened, giving him a hard look. Despite your anger, at yourself for making such a stupid decision and at Luke for attracting you to him like a fly to honey, you felt yourself melt a bit at the sight of him. His blond hair was tousled, the polar opposite of the neat quiff it was styled in while he was filming, his milky white chest littered with lovebites that you remembered leaving all too well, his icy blue eyes fixed on your body as if you were the only thing that mattered in the world. “But waking up to this view I could become one.” He raked his eyes along your naked form.

“Luke,” You began, quickly pulling your clothes on, knowing that it would be easier to have this conversation with him and then make a quick getaway if you were already dressed. “Last night was a mistake.”

“Was I that bad?” He asked. You knew he was trying to make you laugh, but you weren’t in the mood, the consequences of last night weighing on you heavily.

“No, it’s just…you’re you and I’m me.” You cringed inwardly at how cliché that sounded. “You always go for models and starlets and I’m just a normal girl.”

“Maybe I need a break from them.” He got out of bed, wrapping the sheet around him and advancing toward you.

You stepped back, avoiding his advances. “Luke, I could lose my job over this.” You said. You didn’t really expect him to understand, he’d had his first big movie as a teenager and as far as you knew had never worked a regular nine to five but you still hoped he could see where you were coming from.

He stopped short, eyes widening. “What?”

“Didn’t you read your contract? Crew and cast aren’t allowed to be romantically involved.”

His look of confusion turned to a smile. “Y/N, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Why?” You asked, irritation creeping into your voice, annoyed that he couldn’t see things from your perspective.

“I mean it’s not like we’re a couple. We just slept together.” His smile widened and he held his hands out as if to say “problem solved”.

“I doubt my boss is going to care about the difference!” You finally snapped, yelling at a volume that would have had your neighbors complaining had the two of you been having this conversation at your studio apartment. “Why can’t you see how bad this situation is for me? For you this is great, you got laid, didn’t even have to buy me dinner first, and once we finish this film we never have to see each other again. I could lose my job, which I need thanks to my thousands of dollars of student loans and this could ruin my reputation so I’ll never get a production job again. Plus I slept with someone who I might have feelings for but-” You cut yourself off before you could finish that final statement. You hadn’t meant to spill your secret feelings for Luke, but it must have slipped out as you vented the rest of your frustrations. Truthfully, your feelings had developed beyond a crush. After seeing how nice he was to everyone on set, even the lowly production assistants such as yourself, and how he was always smiling and making people laugh, you’d developed real feelings for Luke. “Never mind.” You said quickly, turning on your heel and running out of the room.

“Y/N, wait!” Luke called after you, following you as you rushed down the stairs. You tugged open the heavy oak door and ran outside, slamming the door behind you. You figured that Luke wouldn’t follow you outside, not wanting to risk being seen by paparazzi despite the fact that he was in his private neighborhood. Your theory was confirmed when you stopped briefly at the end of his driveway to catch your breath. If he’d wanted to, he could have caught up to you, but when his door stayed shut, you knew he’d stopped following you. If you’d been paying less attention to Luke’s front door and more attention to your other surroundings, you might have heard the telltale camera flashes coming from bushes lining the driveway. * You’d been scrolling through your Twitter timeline when it happened. The tweet had been from one of the trashy celebrity gossip accounts that you followed. “Luke Hemmings’ New Piece? Mystery Girl Spotted Outside His Beverly Hills Home!” Your heart dropped. You quickly clicked on the link to the article, skimming through it, praying that there wasn’t a picture. The article noted your “disheveled appearance” and speculated about the various “nocturnal activities” that might have taken place between you and Luke. That wasn’t even the worst part. No, worst was the picture of you at the bottom. Had you not been so livid, you might have actually admired the photographer’s skills. The picture was high quality and taken from an angle where your face could be seen clearly. Also visible were your messy hair, hickey covered neck and shirt that was on inside out.

Your first instinct was to tell Luke, see if there was anything he (or more likely his lawyer) could do. But you were too stubborn to do that. You were still angry with him and no matter how bad things were you weren’t going to come crawling back. Your second instinct was to check your e-mail to see if the executive producer of the film, your boss, had requested a meeting yet. In your short time in Hollywood you’d come to find out that news spread incredibly fast. But you didn’t do that either. You wanted to prolong the illusion that everyone else might be oblivious as long as possible. You disconnected from social media for the night, turning off your phone, laptop and TV and headed to bed early.

Of course, someone had to burst your bubble eventually. The second you set foot on set the next morning, one of your coworkers had told you that your boss was looking for you, and as expected you’d been fired. Though you’d tried your best to explain the situation and that you and Luke wouldn’t be seeing each other again, it had been to no avail. You’d started to look for new jobs and had applied for a few, but you knew that getting fired for hooking up with a cast member looked bad to potential employers.

A few days later, you were sitting in your apartment, eating ice cream, and praying for a call back from one of the places you’d sent your resume to.  You were startled by a knock on your door, since so far you hadn’t really made any friends in LA. Regardless, you went to answer it, mentally preparing yourself to chase away a Jehovah’s Witness or a kid selling something for a fundraiser. Instead, you saw Luke. He was dressed in the most nondescript clothes possible, a black hoodie with the hood pulled up hiding his hair and sunglasses over his eyes even though he was inside. You knew he hadn’t wanted to be spotted entering your shitty apartment building.

You immediately went to slam the door in his face, not wanting to see him, wanting to be able to completely forget about your mistake and move on, but he wedged his foot in the doorway to stop you. “Y/N please, I want to talk.”

“Unless you’re here to apologize I don’t want to hear it.” You said, giving the door another nudged, trying to get him to move his foot.

“I am. I’m sorry you lost your job and I’m sorry I was so insensitive…that morning. Y/N I never wanted to hurt you.” You knew you should never trust an actor, they were masters at faking emotion in their voices but Luke sounded so sweet and sincere you could feel your anger ebbing away. “And I didn’t come here just to apologize.”

“If you’re looking for a repeat of the other night you may as well just leave now.” You still weren’t quite ready to forgive him.

“That’s not why. Can you just let me in before someone comes down the hallway and sees me standing out here?” Reluctantly, you opened the door and let Luke inside your tiny apartment. He removed his sunglasses and hood, revealing his perfectly styled hair. You figured he must have just come from filming. He quickly glanced around the space. You waited for him to make a snarky comment but he didn’t instead choosing to settle himself on the couch. He patted the space next to him, indicating that you should come sit too. You did, opting to sit on the opposite side of the couch instead of right next to him. To his credit, he didn’t slide up right next to you, he seemed to respect that you didn’t want to be near him.

“First I don’t even know how that guy got that photo. And when I saw it the first thing I did was call my lawyer to see if we could get it taken down. But he said that it wouldn’t be much use because it was probably all over the Internet already and I know it’s caused you so much trouble. I wanted to tell them not to fire you, but I figured that that would only make it look more suspicious. But when one of the other production assistants told me what happened, I had an idea.” He smiled. “I’m currently looking for a new personal assistant. And I thought you would be the perfect person for the job.” He smiled even wider and held his hands out in the same “problem solved” gesture you’d last seen when he broke your heart.

Of course, this time the problem was actually solved. “Luke, really?” He nodded, keeping the same smile on his face. Though your first instinct was to say yes immediately, you peppered him with questions first. What would your duties be? Managing his schedule, doing his shopping (not being able to go out in public without being recognized made even a trip to Trader Joe’s a hassle, he explained), and essentially doing whatever he told you to do. What would the pay be like? Way more than you were making as a production assistant. And finally. “Are you sure this is a good idea with our history?”

“Do you forgive me?” He asked.

You thought about it. He’d apologized, tried to help you and was now presenting the solution to your unemployment problem to you on a silver platter. “Yes.”

“Can you move past what happened?”

You hesitated. Despite everything, your feelings for Luke lingered. But you figured you could move past them in time. “Yes.”

“Then the job’s yours if you want it.”

“I do.”

And so you began working for Luke. At first it was a lot to handle, but you grew accustomed to it and after a few months you had it down pat. The two of you grew closer as you spent more time together, you learned more about him and he learned more about you. You discovered he had a great sense of humor, he only liked almond milk in his coffee, not regular (this you’d learned the hard way) and that he loved watching cartoons despite the fact that he was in his twenties. Another interesting thing had happened since you had started working for him. The string of models/actresses/any girl that was skinny, blond and hot had ended. Sure he still went out to clubs frequently, but he was always seen leaving alone, not with some girl in tow. A few months after you’d began working for him, you found out why.

“So Y/N,” He began, as you frowned over your iPhone, planning out his next few days.

“Yes?” You asked, looking up at him, thinking he was going to ask you to go on a coffee run or a grocery store run.

“There’s currently another position available and I was wondering if you would be interested.”

“A promotion?” Had you been in a cartoon your eyes would have lit up with dollar signs. Though you were making more money now, you were itching to make enough per month to move to a new apartment.

“Sort of.” He hesitated. “The position open is as my girlfriend.”

“Luke,” You whispered, not sure what to say.

“I want you to be my girlfriend. Honestly from the minute I saw you on set, I thought you were beautiful. When we slept together, I really felt myself falling for you. I just pushed the feelings away, because I was worried. I’d never really felt anything like that. I didn’t know how to act. When I realized I’d let you get away, I had to get you back. This has been my way of keeping you close. But I can’t ignore the feelings anymore. I want you to be my girlfriend.” He repeated.

“Luke,” You said again. You’d had feelings for him from the get go. Though he’d hurt you and they had gone away, but since the two of you had been growing closer they’d come back, only this time they were stronger. “Yes I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“So that means I can finally do this.” Before you could ask what he meant, he swept you into his arms, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that was straight out of the movies.

(Dialogue of the movie is in italics so it is less confusing. This is the first thing I have ever written. I know it sucks. But it’s pretty fitting because this is trash and I am trash)

You quietly recited your lines over and over again hoping to calm the nerves. But everything you tried seemed to worsen them.

“You’ll do fine. You’ve been through so many auditions, you’re practically a pro at them.” Your manager tried to encourage you, but to no avail.

To you, this was the most important audition yet. If you get the part, it could launch your career. No more random commercial or small acting gigs. If you got the part of female lead, your life would drastically change. Everything relies on this one callback.

“Y/N Y/L/N”

You nervously stood up and walked through the door that could potentially change your life.

When you entered the audition room, you were greeted by the director of the movie as well as other important crew members. But there was one other person in that room that threw you off guard.

Calum Hood

Meeting each other's eyes, it brought you back to your small hometown. Memories that you have tried and pushed away resurfaced. The way little Calum had always made sure you were never hurt on the playground. The way best friend Calum helped you through all of your problems. The way teenage Calum asked you to be his girlfriend nonchalantly while you both were chilling on the couch. The way boyfriend Calum treated you as the queen to his world. But the most prominent memory that you two share was the day that he broke up with you.

“For today’s audition,” the director snapped you out of the your trance. “You will be reading a scene with the lead actor of this film, Calum Hood. This is to help us see if you two will have chemistry on the screen. You can start reading at the top of page 3.”

The camera in the front of the room started blinking, giving you and Ash the cue to start the scene.

“I’ve missed you Serena. This past year has been hell without you.” Calum read out the first line of the scene.

“Ryan, please don’t do this. You were the one that left me standing alone in front of your door a year. You chose your career and left me without one regret that day.”

As you continued to read the script, you realized how apt the scene was. It described what happened between you and Calum to the T. How he had left you and his small hometown to go and pursue his newfound acting career. leaving with nothing except  a break up text.

“Serena, I never stopped loving you. I thought that if I left without saying goodbye, it would cause less pain. If I left suddenly, I could somehow push all of my emotions away.”

You hadn’t realized that Calum had closed the space between the two of you until you looked up to meet his eyes. Those eyes piercing through your soul, trying to convey a message that you have yet to decode.

“Did you ever think how much it would hurt me though, Ryan. Going from perfectly happy to heartbroken within the span of 24 hours.”

“I couldn’t imagine the amount of pain that you went through. But I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you, Serena. And I don’t think I ever will. Please forgive me. Please.”

Looking down at your feet, your emotions completely overwhelmed you. Ash had always been easy to read. His body language gave everything away. He want your forgiveness. He was in the same position as the main character in the movie. And this was his way to get you to talk to him.

Meeting Ash’s eyes again, letting read all of your emotions, you spoke for both you and your character, Serena.

“I don’t know.”

A/n: You wanted another tour fight, here ya go!! I was going to make this a happy ending but got emo last second 😅 Really hope you like it and feedback is encouraged! Tell me if you guys like it or not and keep on requesting! ❤️ 

TRIGGER: Swearing 

Pairing: Calum + Y/n 

I knew dating a rockstar wasn’t going to be easy. Calum was a unique one. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before and I know that this, what Calum and I have, definitely constitutes as serious. The moment I laid my eyes on him in that record shop, I knew I was a goner. I mean who can resist those chocolate brown eyes and those little curls that fell across his forehead and the way he could make you feel so safe just by his touch… 

Fuck. I’ve never been good at this whole “love” thing before. I mean he’s the first guy I’ve ever fallen for and in our 1 and a half years of dating, I know that he feels the same way but I just can’t help it. 

I’m scared. 

I don’t want to mess things up with Calum. He’s the only thing that I look forward to after a long day at school. He’s the only person I want to explore the world with. He’s the only one I want to touch, kiss, and cuddle with at night.

That’s my hopeless romantic side talking.

My logical, realistic side is telling me that happy endings don’t exist. That fairy tales are a bunch of lies and that love isn’t real. 

I want to be with Calum but I know that whatever we have is going to have to end soon because that’s just the way things go…right? 

So that’s why I’m sitting alone in this coffee shop just down the street of the arena the boys were performing in tonight. I took a week off work so that I could visit Calum and tell him what I’ve been feeling but it’s difficult when you can’t even articulate the words you want to say without breaking someone’s heart. 

I need to let go of him so that I won’t get hurt. I’ve suffered too much pain to go through it all again. I sound selfish I know. But I’m doing this for him too. When I’m gone, he can be with someone who knows and experiences his lifestyle too. Maybe meet another celebrity or a model. But this life I have with Calum is bound to dissipate and I can’t go through that pain. I can’t. 

He’s been ringing my phone and sending me texts along with the rest of the boys wondering where I am since I left in the morning and haven’t been heard of since. I need time to collect my thoughts before I see him. 

As the sun shone through the window painting a fluorescent white light against the faces of the civilians walking by, I saw him. I knew that face from a mile away. 

Dammit. I should have known he would come looking for me. Although he may seem like he’s an easygoing guy, I knew he worried a lot. About me specifically. Which just makes what I’m about to do even harder. 

As I met his eyes through the window, I could see the relief flood in as he made his way through the door and in front of me.

“Seriously?!” He all but yelled in the relatively quiet coffee shop. “Running away in a foreign city y/n! Are you crazy?!“ 

"Calum, calm down I-” But of course he wouldn’t let me finish. 

“I called you a dozen times at least along with the boys. Why didn’t you answer?” He softened his voice looking directly into my eyes. “I was so fuckin worried that something may have happened to you y/n. Why would you scare me like that?" 

I sighed playing with the rim of my coffee cup not daring to meet his eyes just yet. 

"Doll.” He gently spoke. “Please look at me.” He sat down in front of me grabbing my hand forcing me to look at him. 

“I’m sorry Cal I really am but I just needed to get away for a bit.” I muttered. Fuck me I hate this I absolutely hate this. 

“What happened?” He questioned, gently rubbing his thumb across my hand. “Is something wrong?”

I let go of his hand and I can’t deny the aching pain in my chest when I saw the hurt cross his eyes. I was always a hand holder with him. My cold hands meeting his always warm ones was a perfect contrast. I knew he pretended to act like he was annoyed with my constantly “cold blooded nature” but I could see the fondness in his eyes every time I held his hand, knowing that he could always warm me up just by his touch. 

“Baby.” He spoke snapping me out of my thoughts. “Hey lets go back to the arena okay? We can talk there.” He carefully spoke as if raising his voice would trigger and unleash a fury within me. 

But I wasn’t mad. Far from it actually. I knew we couldn’t have this conversation here so I nodded my head and got up, making my way out the door without so much of a glance back at Calum. 

The walk back was brutal. We were always touching each other. Whether it was his arm around my waist and hand in my back pocket, or my hands around his arm tracing his tattoos and clinging onto him like a koala bear. But I kept my distance. Touching him would only make what I’m about to do even more difficult. 

As we came near the arena I felt Calum’s hand grip mine tightly, interlacing our fingers together while pulling me away and into the tour bus that was parked just outside the exit. He led me in and sat me down on the couch making sure the boys weren’t there.

“Okay.” He started. “Tell me what’s going on please?” He pleaded taking a seat beside me but keeping his distance since I rejected his last attempt to touch me. 

“And I don’t want to hear any bullshit of how you’re fine or that it’s nothing okay? I know you better than anyone baby so just tell me the truth?” I looked over at him and saw his eyes, wide with concern and confusion. 

Well here goes nothing. 

“I love you, you know that right?” I raised my eyes up towards him meeting his gaze. He looked confused but still replied, “Yeah doll of course I know that. And I love you too. Why-" 

"Which is why I need to let you go.” I interrupted. His whole body tensed at that sentence. I almost didn’t see it as I looked down at my hands. 

“This was never going to work in the first place right? I mean you’re a fuckin rockstar and I’m just, well me. Hold on just listen to me for a second okay?” He was about to say something but I knew the comforting words that were about to come out of his mouth would make me stay in a heartbeat. And I had to leave. 

“You deserve better Calum. You’re the literal representation of perfection while I’m just a walking skeleton of stress and anxiety. I don’t want to get hurt Cal. I don’t think I would be able to handle it.” I mumbled, still not looking at him. But I could feel his eyes trained on me and watching my every movement. 

“So that’s why I booked a flight back home. My bags are already packed and waiting in a car.” I finally looked at him and the tears that were forming in his eyes shattered my heart completely. 

“I know you’ll be perfectly fine without me Cal. I know.” I smiled a little while I got up from the couch. He stood up too and quickly wrapped his arms around me, nestling his head in the crook of my neck. And I could feel his heart being ripped in half. 

I hugged back, squeezing him tight before I let go cupping his cheeks with my hands. “No.” He whispered. “I can’t just let you go y/n. Not after this long of being together. I know you’re scared baby but I would never hurt you okay? Fuck I can’t just go back to life without you because that life doesn’t exist for me anymore. I met you and my whole world changed for the better. Things are better if you stay. You’re the only constant thing I see in my future.” The first tear fell as he all but begged for me to listen to him. 

But I made up my mind. 

“Cal.” I croaked out, the lump in my throat clearly present. “Let me go okay? It’ll all be okay. I promise.” I brokenly spoke, my voice wavering at the emotional toll this was taking on us both. I finally mustered up the courage to let go and walk away from him. 

I walked out of the tour bus casting one last glance at the boy whose life I completely tore apart. He looked so lost and so vulnerable. But this was for the best. It had to be. And as I made my way to the car that was about to take me miles away from him, I couldn’t help but think of all the memories of us. I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears from falling out. 

Maybe he was my happy ending. 

Or maybe not.