#lilieevans

James Potter to lily evans’ home for peculiar children: we made it to the airport folks

Remus Lupin: shame

Sirius Black: fight me bitch

Lily Evans: we thought ur chauffeur might crash on purpose 

James Potter: why would he do that???

Sirius Black: i dont have a chauffeur

Sirius Black: i have wesley

Peter Pettigrew: who is a chauffeur

Sirius Black: no he’s my driver

Remus Lupin: difference?

James Potter: more importantly tho

James Potter: he would never crash on purpose

Lily Evans: he would if he thought it might shut u up

Sirius Black: y would anyone want to shut us up

James Potter: yeah

Sirius Black: thanks bro

James Potter: i got ur back bro dw

Remus Lupin removed Sirius Black from the group

Remus Lupin removed James Potter from the group

Lily Evans changed Remus Lupin’s nickname to our lord and saviour

“Do you think they’re there yet?” Lily says, watching Remus as he methodically searches through Sirius’ drinks tray. 

“I think we would know if they were,” Peter answers drily. 

Remus pauses to inspect a label closely, “Pete’s right, we’ll know.”

“Missing them already?” 

“Fuck off,” Lily scowls, “just want to ask Sirius his netflix password.”

“You don’t know already?” Remus says at the same time Peter says, “bitchbetterhavemymoney, capital B.”

Lily frowns, “he told you? He doesn’t tell anyone.”

“Correction, he told James, and it’s way easier to bribe James than Sirius,” Peter smiles triumphantly. 

“I swear you use it all the time? Remus asks, setting down the bottle in favour for a shorter, fatter one. 

“He logs in for me and then makes me log off afterwards,” Lily says, rolling her eyes. 

“Here we go,” Remus stands, presenting a bottle of scotch to Peter and Lily, who are cuddled up together beneath a blanket on the sofa, and grins, “the most expensive bottle.”

“Are you sure?”

“Because, last time you said it was and then he came back and told us it was only his third most expensive one and -”

“I’m sure,” Remus says, interrupting Lily. “Not only is it the most expensive bottle on the living room’s tray,” he gestures around the room they’re in, “it’s also more expensive than anything in the drawing room.”

Lily Evans to ovaries before madame brovary: remus found it

Lily Evans: party @ 10

Mary MacDonald: should i bring snacks

Gemma Jones: ahhahaha gd one

Mary MacDonald: thank you <33

Lily Evans: he’s put a padlock on the chocolate cupboard but the pantry is full

Marlene McKinnon: I can’t believe we know someone who has a pantry

Lily Evans: shameful isn’t it

James Potter changed the group name to WASSUUUUUP

Sirius Black: blocked

James Potter: u said u liked it???

Sirius Black: yh i lied

James Potter: fight me bitch

Peter Pettigrew: ur plane didn’t crash then

James Potter: landed safe and sound

Remus Lupin: shame

Lily Evans: have they showered u in gold bars yet

Peter Pettigrew: have they got a red carpet for u all

Remus Lupin: are all the other rich ppl as rich as u

Lily Evans: have u had a competition to see whos richest

Peter Pettigrew: i bet the toilet had tenner notes for paper

Remus Lupin: more like fifties

James Potter: u all suck

Sirius Black: they’re just jealous bb 

Lily Evans: but srsly

Lily Evans: what’s it like

James Potter: amazing 

Sirius Black: the beach is beautiful the people are beautiful the tents are beautiful

James Potter: it’s like a rich persons dream

Remus Lupin: u, as a rich person, cannot make rich ppl jokes

Lily Evans: ***rich bitch

Lily Evans: check ur privilege potter

Sirius Black: says the white girl

James Potter: checkmate

Lily Evans: point 

Peter Pettigrew: have u seen a jenner yet

Remus Lupin: is the only available beverage pepsi

Lily Evans: ^^^the real question

Sirius Black: WHY THE FUCK DID MCKINNON JUST SEND ME A SNAPCHAT OF HER IN MY BATH

Peter Pettigrew: i’ll ask her

Peter Pettigrew: she says it was for the vine

Sirius Black: WHY THE FUCK IS SHE IN MY BATH

Sirius Black: GET HER OUT OF MY BATH

Sirius Black: u r having another party aren’t u ohMYGOD

Lily Evans: brb

Remus Lupin: idk i can’t read suddenly

Peter Pettigrew: gtg sorry bye

Sirius Black: TRAITORS

“What if James finds, like an heiress though? What are you going to do then?” Tegan asks, leaning so far across the table Lily can see down her shirt. 

“Potter can do what he wants,” Lily shrugs, “why do I care?” 

“Because you’re in love with him,” Marlene says, high-fiving Mary. 

Lily downs the rest of her wine glass, “factually incorrect.” Factually incorrect meaning unwilling to admit the truth. 

Gemma shakes her head, “how could you not be in love with him?”

“Very easily,” Lily snatches the bottle from Mary’s hand and pours herself another drop. Drop meaning entire glass. “It’s like this,” she pauses to take a sip, “you guys are projecting your fantasies on to me-”

“Oh, no no no!” She’s drowned out by cries of protest and drinks the rest of her glass as a distraction. Drinking red wine is so easy when she’s already drunk.

Thankfully, she’s saved from any more discussion about a particular black haired man by Peter sprinting in the room, skidding to a halt with his phone held out in front of him, “Have you seen this?”

Fyre Festival Goes Up in Flames

The luxury beach festival due to be held this weekend in the Bahamas has begun but, unlike the promotional videos, there is nothing luxury about it. Festival goers who arrived early have been reporting rabid dogs, empty tents, and not a single celebrity in sight. 

Snapchat videos and tweets show people arriving to what some have described as the ‘season finale of the Walking Dead’. Inside the tents, which are being fought over as we speak, empty mattresses and tables which look like they’re from IKEA are stand ins for the promised ‘5 star accommodation’. Since festival go-oers paid between $2,000 and $12,000 for this, it’s understandable that they’re annoyed.

Reportedly, celebrities who promoted the festival, such as the Jenner sisters, Bella Hadid and other supermodels/quasi-celebrities, were warned not to attend in advance of the festival. 

Lily Evans to the lord of the flies just got Real: hahahahhahahahahaahhahah

Remus Lupin: anything u want to tell us lads

Peter Pettigrew: we kno that u r online

James Potter: what are u talking about

Remus Lupin: “”””the beach is beautiful the people are beautiful the tents are beautiful”””””

Lily Evans: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/39743303/luxury-fyre-festival-is-cancelled-with-ticket-holders-still-stranded-in-bahamas

Sirius Black: technically

Sirius Black: i only lied abt the tents

Lily Evans: firstly...... are u guys okay?

James Potter: yh

James Potter: pissed off n hungry but yh

Sirius Black: i’m gonna sue

Lily Evans: secondly

Lily Evans: ahahahahahhahhahah

Peter Pettigrew: what a scam

Sirius Black: they lost my gucci suitcase

Remus Lupin: shame

Sirius Black removed Remus Lupin from the group

Peter Pettigrew: are u gonna start eating each other

Lily Evans added Remus Lupin to the group

Lily Evans: r they dividing u into groups to fight to the death

Sirius Black left the group

The thing is, Lily isn’t in love with James. She knows what love looks like. Her parents were in love, Petunia loves Vernon (not that Lily understands why), Frank and Alice are in love, Marlene and Tegan are in love. She has seen love. It’s holding hands and forehead kisses and long trips away to the beach and getting a dog together and sharing interests and watching tv all day in pyjamas and sharing bank accounts and smiling when the other person isn’t looking and wanting to spend the rest of your life together and having inside jokes and knowing as much as possible about the other person and knowing that no matter what you’re always safe with them. 

And sure, she and Potter have a lot of inside jokes, but she has a lot of inside jokes with Peter too. And sure, they’ve spent all day watching tv together, but never on the same piece of furniture. And sure, if she needs help she goes to Potter, and if she’s sad she rings him, and if she sees a funny otter video she sends it to him, but that’s how it’s always been, and sometimes she goes to Sirius too. Plus, they don’t have a puppy together and Lily is pretty certain they’ve never held hands. So, really, she can’t be in love with James.

The conclusion is a good one, Lily thinks as she finishes her third glass of wine (third really meaning ninth) and allows herself to pay attention to the others again. It’s difficult to play charades when she’s distracted by the thought of being in love with James Potter, but now she’s cleared that one up, it’s easy to guess that Remus is acting out National Treasure 2. 

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: u better not let anyone in my bedroom

Lily Evans: locked

LIly Evans: dw

Sirius Black: stop having parties w/out me

Lily Evans: stop locking away all the good booze when we have parties w u

Sirius Black: point

Peter Pettigrew to mckinnon just threw up in the bathtub: hows the prison food

Sirius Black: did mckinnon acc throw up in the bathtub????

Sirius Black: which one

Sirius Black: the red room?? downstairs guest ensuite?? MINE??!1?

James Potter: better than evans’ cooking

Sirius Black: wHICH BATHTUB

Remus Lupin: lily would like to say that “””if i had any energy to waste in replying to potters insult then i would remind him that euphemia said i was a better cook that him””””

Sirius Black: pSTOP IGROING ME

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Betrayal

Dear Mother,

Evans told me that you said she was a better cook than me. Just emailing to check that you would never betray me like this.

Love, 

Your son,

James

Sent from my iPhone

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Betrayal

James darling, 

Please don’t use the company’s email for personal matters, you know it annoys everyone.

Lily’s cooking is a delight. It’s not a betrayal if it’s a fact. 

Love,

Mother

P.S Your father told me that festival you’re at turned out to be a bit of a disaster. Are you planning on coming home?

Lily Evans to James Potter: i CANNOT believe u emailed ur mym

Lily Evans: acc i take that back

Lily Evans: I CAN U LOSER

James Potter: u r durnk

Lily Evans: n u arent?????

James Potter: ppl r looting

James Potter: kinda scary shit

Lily Evans: dont let any1 steal sirius

Lily Evans: hed go for a Lot on the black market

Lily Evans: aahahaah

Lily Evans: brb gptta share my pun w// the group

James Potter: we’ve booked a flight for tomorrow afternoon

James Potter: gun get wasted on beach tomox

Lily Evans: legendz

James Potter: didnt cum to the bahamas not to get a tan

Lily Evans: cum ha

Lily Evans:  u r permanentnly tanned?????

James Potter: ik

James Potter: just wanted to remind u that im in the bahamas n u r not

Lily Evans: blocked

Marlene and Tegan get the downstairs guest room, Remus and Peter crash in the extension Sirius constantly denies he added so they could have their own rooms, Mary and Gemma take the upstairs guest room which Lily usually sleeps in, which means Lily is left with five choices. She could share with Mary and Gemma because it’s a king sized bed, but Gemma snores. She could sleep in one of the other two guest rooms, but she’s pretty sure one of them is haunted, and the other one has a broken bed from when Alice and Frank stayed around last week. Which leaves her with Potter’s room. Unless she really wants to picklock Sirius’ and risk facing his wrath.

It’s an easy choice really. Potter’s room is sans snoring, sans ghost and sans broken bed. Lily nods to herself, and walks up the staircase, waving a middle finger at Mary and Gemma when she passes their open door. The gits. 

Potter isn’t even here. It’s not like she’s sharing a bed with him. 

Lily shivers at the thought.

She shuts the door behind her and climbs into the bed, definitely not looking at the millions of framed photographs he has on his bedside table. One of him and the boys back at boarding school, arms looped around each other, smiles wide. Mary had taken that one, the day they all finished their GCSEs. One of him and his parents, at their vow renewal service, James and Fleamont towering over Euphemia. One of him and a bunch of kids all sat on a hospital bed, a sign above the bed saying ‘thank you!’. One of him with Graham Norton, both looking too excited. One of him and Sirius, young, really young, looking almost identical. One of him and all of them, taken by Euphemia at his twenty first birthday party, just before Remus threw up all over everyone’s shoes. One of him and -

Lily squints, leaning out of the bed to look at the one tucked away at the back, almost hidden. Fuck, it’s her. It’s them. She remembers it. It meaning the moment that landed them in seven gossip magazine, too many online columns, and one list of the hottest couples this month. It was one of his charity balls, for mental illness she remembers, one filled with celebrities and champagne trays and tiny snacks which would never satisfy any normal human being. 

They’re standing on a balcony, London spread out before them. They hadn’t noticed a photographer, or anyone, because they’d been too busy discussing the pros and cons of making a rope out of Lily’s dress to escape. Potter had suggested tying it to the balcony, climbing down and hailing a cab. He was kidding of course, because he loved these things, because it meant he got to talk about all the causes he loved and everyone had to at least pretend they were listening or their photograph would be splashed beneath a headline which read ‘B List Celebrity Hates Kids’, depending on which cause the ball was for that month. 

But Lily, Lily who had grown up in a mining village and worked for every penny she had, still wasn’t used to these balls even after five years of them. She loved the glamour and she could pull off confidence easily, she just didn’t like that she could never tell if people actually cared or not. 

So Potter, ever kind, had gone along with her escape plan, coming up with more pros then even she could manage. Then the flash had gone off and they’d jumped, quickly returning inside because James had to make a speech. Or something. 

The photograph hadn’t captured their shock though. It had caught her laughing, bright and full, and him smiling, kind and soft, and really, they did look like a couple. They were standing too close, looking too happy to not. Except they weren’t, and the group had had to spend the next three weeks batting away reporters about who was the stunning red head who had captured humanitarian James Potter’s heart. Then it had died down, and everyone had forgotten about the picture, even Lily.

It shocks her that it’s there, on his bedside table. Makes something burst in her chest, a rogue party popper. 

So, instead of confronting all the thoughts that pop into her when she sees the picture, like a rational adult, she rolls over, buries beneath the silk sheets and promptly goes to sleep.

James Potter to can someone tell me which bathtub please??: so someone recognised sirius

James Potter: so now he’s trying to make a raft

James Potter: out of his remaining gucci luggage

Remus Lupin: let me know if he drowns

James Potter: why is no one recognising me

James Potter: my achievements way out rank his

Peter Pettigrew: yh but you’re not a black

Peter Pettigrew: n u’ve never been in a commercial for toothpaste

James Potter: im a potter tho

Remus Lupin: plus u’ve never been pictured naked in the sun

James Potter: point

Lily Evans: shhhh stop buxxing my phone

James Potter: mary told me u were sleeping in my bed

James Potter: u better not have chundered in there

Lily Evans: brb gtg kill mary

James Potter sent a video.

James Potter: if u evr wanted to kno what sirius screams sound like when he gets his hair wet

Remus Lupin: did he fall in??

James Potter: some tit capsized him

Remus Lupin: brilliant

@DailyProphet The Daily Prophet

[30/04] Pictured: minor celebrities, James Potter and Sirius Black, are among first to leave Fyre Festival, boarding a flight back to England this afternoon.

Remus Lupin to which fucking bathtub was it: have you heard the news?

Remus Lupin changed Sirius Black’s nickname to minor celebrity.

minor celebrity: blocked

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: did u get the banner yet

Remus Lupin: i cant believe we r throwing them a welcome home party

Remus Lupin: they were gone for like three days

Lily Evans: but they survived a disaster remus

Lily Evans: a disaster™

Lily Evans: a travesty™

Remus Lupin:  i got the banner

Remus Lupin: what r we adding to it

Lily Evans: i want it to read ‘welcome home minor celebrities’

Remus Lupin: padfoot is never gonna let u in his house again

Lily Evans: we both know that isn’t true

Remus Lupin: point

James Potter to it was all the bathtubs: we landed safely

Remus Lupin: shame

Peter Pettigrew: u better have bought us some souvenirs 

James Potter: does duty free count

Peter Pettigrew: blocked

“Surprise!” They all yell, as James and Sirius step through the door, their bags brought in moments later by Wesley. James jumps, looking satisfyingly surprised, whereas Sirius just scowls and turns to help Wesley with the remaining suitcases. Clearly, their antics were old by now.

“Here are your disaster survival kits,” Tegan says, offering them two first aid kits which Peter had filled with tiny vodka bottles, rape whistles and Finding Nemo water proof plasters. James accepts both, Sirius just leading Wesley through to the kitchen. 

It’s not long before they’re all at least tipsy again, Sirius having finished his temper tantrum over a) the amount of booze they drank and b) the fact that McKinnon had never actually thrown up in a bathtub at all. Lily finds it especially easy to get drunk, probably because she starts drinking whenever James tries to talk to her. 

She’s not sure why, but she suspects it has something to do with the photograph. The photograph which she keeps seeing in her head, framed next to his bed. So, every time he comes near her, she brings her glass or bottle to her mouth and refuses to make eye contact.

A successful technique with Potter, but no one else and it isn’t long before Sirius has her cornered, having spotted her new found avoidance scheme. 

“You throw us a party, but won’t even talk to one of the special guests,” he says, swirling his scotch around the glass, “would you care to comment?”

“I prefer A-listers to minor celebrities,” she says before she can think of anything else, and because she knows Sirius is still sore about it.

“If you would just stop, and listen to one of us, you know you’d be so much happier,” he sighs. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lily says, and promptly turns her back on him. 

James Potter to Lily Evans: mum wants to know if you’re coming over for sunday lunch

Lily Evans: when dont i

James Potter: point

Lily Evans: u recovered from ur traumatic time yet

James Potter: not sure

James Potter: thinking of setting up a charity for everyone who went

Lily Evans: omg ive got a rlly good name for it!!

Lily Evans: trust fund

Lily Evans: oh wait..........

@DailyProphet The Daily Prophet