#lilie

A Caleidoscope of Ways to Portray Love

Food and handmade crafts are a huge, overarching theme in a story where the portrayal of love is handled carefully, in order to avoid crossing certain boundaries that CLAMP have posed themselves for this series ever since the OG manga.

When you cannot convey a concept with a more traditional portrayal that's more typical of stories with older characters for older demographics, that's where creativity "enters the chat" and designates other seemigly unrelated elements as "the vessels" of those concepts.

That's why I would like to open a little digression right at the beginning, before delving straight into the core topic of food.

Love in CCS is consistently portrayed through means that defy the most traditional representations of love in shoujo manga.

We don't get kisses, hugs are carefully reserved for impactful scenes (so you can savor them more), hand holding is rare too and sometimes the lack of skinship itself shows strong evidence of the love that the characters feel for one another (I think about Syaoran and Sakura promising to not lose one another just because they can't touch, or Kaito's hand that subconsciously went towards Akiho, which he forced still everytime).

As an adult who's an aspec person too, I have to say that this aspect is probably what draws me to CCS even today: the fact that it is a series that talks so much about love in all of its forms, and yet uses very little physical love to bring its point home.

The peculiar representation of love in CCS is not only relative to visual representation, but also at a lexical and semantic level, so much that we could say CCS got its own language to express love.

I think all of you know by now that "my most important person" in CCS is simply a turn of phrase for "the person I'm in love with".

And this goes for all characters, children and young adults alike.

Including the OG arcs, you almost never hear the characters spell out verbs like aisuru, koisuru — this is because these verbs are loaded with nuances that are more suitable for characters older than the age Sakura & co. are. And since the whole Cardcaptor Sakura story is seen through the lenses of Sakura's point of view, all the characters respect the same "rule".

When Sakura or others need to express their love for someone, they prefer the adjective 大切 taisetsu (precious, important), sometimes in combination with 想う (omou, lit. to think, but this form with this particular kanji is loaded with a connotation of "I think about someone with deep feelings attached").

This expression is used multiple times to indicate love, like when Yelan talks to Syaoran (in the Mini Book that came with volume 10) in relation to Sakura, or when Sakura yells at the dragon that she realized he cherishes Akiho in return during the Clear Card climax, or even when Nadeshiko is talking to Fujitaka in the Short Story n. 5.

From this arc we also have the introduction of another phrase that's been used particularly in the "Clockland arc", which is "special person", used to indicate the love interest when other close and important people are mentioned in the same phrase. It is interchangeable with "most important person".

During Clear Card Arc, the word 好き suki (lit. like, love) seems to be quite restricted. It is sparingly used in the first half of the arc, one notable mention is the interaction between Lilie and little Kaito in their flashbacks of chapter 41 and 60, when Lilie draws the correlation between "liking/loving something" (like a food) and "liking/loving someone", which was admittedly a very clever way due to the ambiguity of the word itself. But then, after that, it basically "disappears" to make room for the other types of expressions mentioned above.

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that CCS, in a very CLAMP way, brought forward a challenge to portray and talk about love, without actually using any of the quintessential elements. It's like they posed themselves the question "can we sucessfully and satisfactorily convey the depth of the character's love without resorting to the classic, overused tropes of the genre?".

And believe me, they tried to answer to that question in more ways than you can imagine.

Everything, every single detail in CCS speaks of love.

Sometimes the more direct approach isn't the best one.

Sometimes the soft, gentle, subtle way is more effective because it has the potential to pervade every aspect of the story and linger longer, hence having a long-lasting impact.

And maybe that's why some people are left confused, or unsatisfied by the portrayal of romance in this arc. We are called to challenge our traditional understanding of romantic tropes and find love elsewhere. Not in kisses and hugs, but in words and gestures. Like making something with your own hands for your loved one.

The Importance of Something Handmade

After this long premise, I will finally delve into the major topic of this Trivia post, by sharing some pictures taken from my personal copy of the All In One Book from the Cardcaptor Sakura Exhibition, held in 2018 in Roppongi Hills, Tokyo.

I do so because the exhibition had very nice panels shaped like magic books, and each of them focused on a specific topic that characterizes CCS: one of them was about, you guessed it, handmade things.

Just like all the other panels, this one featured a text that delved into the thematic of handmade crafts and food, and said text was duly transcribed on the relative section of the All in One Book.

"Handmade teddy bears, pencases, homemade bento, or beef stew: a multitude of items made by hand appear constantly in the daily life of Sakura and her friends. The world of Cardcaptor Sakura depicts the crafting process, the interactions occurring in the moment of giving those items to an important person, as well as all the emotional nuances of that moment.

Enjoying handmaking things by using your preferred materials and methods, as well as giving little gifts to close people in everyday's life have gained popularity in the last years and became part of the Japanese culture. Sakura gently shows us the charm of living a life where you can enjoy handmade things."

Each area of the exhibition was accompanied by an audio guide that further explored the topic at hand: you could hear the actual voices of Sakura, Kero, Yue and Syaoran talking with eachother and commenting various things. Above you can see a transcription of the audio guides that were active in the Handmade Things area (the relative panel was called "Gifts"). I think this is the part where the true essence of handmade food and crafts really is spelled out for everyone to reflect on. Taking an excerpt of Sakura and Syaoran's conversation, in fact they say:

Sakura: Ehehe, you gave me lots of things too, like the chocolate on Valentine's Day. I feel like handmade things can convey the feelings of the person who made them.

Syaoran: I think so too. I used to cook only for myself, but now I have so much fun cooking something for you, too.

It's all there: the planning, the designing, the process, the trial-and-error, the actual effort put into making something with your own hands shows just how much you value the person you're giving it to. Instead of buying something ready-made, something that's not customized, you can give something unique that shows your feelings (not exclusively of romantic love) for that person.

Yue explains it further in his own guide from the last half of the exhibition period:

"To my master, cooking or handmade accessories are probably like a precious magic spell that can convey her feelings to the person she's giving them to. Although, my master isn't really skilled with handmade things. She's nothing like Clow Reed, who could do anything with ease. And yet...I think there's surely a meaning in pouring your heart into something through repeated trial and error. ...Human beings are such interesting creatures."

The actual value of handmade things is really easy to understand once put in perspective like this: we're still talking about the story of a girl who goes through the last years of elementary school, right into her first year of middle school — she's literally starting to understand and deal with complex feelings and experiences that sometimes can be hard to put into words. Then, what's better than giving shape to those feelings in other ways?

Back in the OG series, we had several handmade elements used in that way: Valentine's Day chocolate, the White Day presents, the yukata Sakura sewed (helped by her father) to thank Syaoran, the scarf in the anime, and last but not least, the ultimate embodiment of Sakura and Syaoran's feelings for one another: the two teddy bears.

And how can we not mention another huge example — all the costumes Tomoyo makes with her own blessed hands, for Sakura and her loved one? I always say that Tomoyo's costumes are her own personal way to be with Sakura. To wrap her, hug her, protect her in her love through something she crafted with her own hands.

Clear Card Arc, on the other hand, continued the tradition of "handmade stuff" and (excluding the matter of the outfits that Akiho and Sakura were supposed to sew for Kaito and Syaoran, which got "lost" along the way) focused on food, to differentiate a bit from the OG arcs. And so, when we see Sakura practicing with tamagoyaki (egg rolls), particularly in the Clear Card anime, or when we see her bringing macarons to school to her friends (at which, admittedly, my eyes got wide like saucers because they're so damn hard to make, are those at a middle schooler's level??😂😂😂), or when we get half a chapter about making a no-bake cheesecake with Tomoyo, or cooking beef stew for Akiho....we shouldn't think "omg this is a cooking show", we should read beyond (ALWAYS go beyond, with CLAMP) what's appearing at a superficial level on the pages: Sakura is simply expressing her love for her friends, and that portrayal is so important that the story wants you to see the process, the "delivery" and all the heartwarming interactions that stem from them.

Food as a Vessel to Convey Multiple Messages

And since Clear Card shines the spotlight on food, it is interesting to point out its versatility, considering that it is used to carry many other aspects of the narrative, in this arc.

It is sometimes used not only as a way to convey feelings, but also as an occasion to bond and create a "bridge" between people. One of the most striking examples is the scene where Sakura invites Akiho home to have dinner together, since she's all alone. She didn't invite Tomoyo or Syaoran, but Akiho. Why?

We really need to push that jealousy aside and start considering that Akiho was the new classmate, away from ""home"" (yeah we later found out that was for the best): she surely must have felt a bit "lost" and Sakura strived hard since day one to make her feel like Tomoeda could be her home, too. And what's better than inviting said new friend over for a dinner? To make her feel a bit of that familiar warmth?

The chance turned into a further moment of bonding when the girls found out that...they both hated konnyaku!!

In this case, even disliking a common food can become a way to create bonds between...birds of a feather! 😂

Sometimes, instead, the dislike of a particular food becomes a precious chance to get some character development and growth.

Having differences with your loved one is only normal, and there's nothing wrong in having each your own preferences. But that, admittedly, creates a point in your relationship where you don't see eye to eye, and you can't enjoy that thing together.

And the couples in CCS aren't exempt from having differences too:

some of the characters decide to overcome their dislike of that particular food that their loved one adores so much, so they can enjoy it together and create many other lovely memories together. This is the moment where food is used as a tool for character growth: "I don't really like this thing, but you love it so much. Seeing you enjoying it makes me want to try to overcome this dislike I have, to see if I can enjoy it and bond even more with you". Beware, it is not used as a "brainwash" type of thing where the person changes completely tastes and personality to fit the ones of their lover: the characters still dislike that thing. They only tolerate it when it comes from their beloved or they eat it together with them (because power of love, you know? 😉).

In chapter 62, Akiho says she wants to try to overcome her dislike of konnyaku because Kaito likes it. ✨ She feels like it is a wonderful thing to have the person you love eating something you made, and on top of that, how you both learn to like the same things.

Lilie's husband hated not only chocomint, but all sweets in general: after falling in love with Lilie and receiving handmade sweets from her, he learned to appreciate them, chocomint included. ❤️

The same happens to Syaoran in chapter 62: he wants to eat anything that Sakura makes so badly, that he's ok with trying even some chocomint macarons she made. Needless to say, it doesn't taste that bad, if it's Sakura the one making it!

And even Kaito, another chocomint hater ever since he was a kid, seems to have overcome his dislike of the divisive flavor, since in the Special Chapter at the end of the story he announces to Akiho they will have chocomint ice cream for dessert later that day (seemingly, to eat it together).

And this leads me to delve into another funny matter: what's with all the chocomint???

The Matter of the Chocomint

Ah, the matter of the chocomint. How many people I've seen along the years wondering in puzzlement about the "big deal" that the characters seemingly were making about this peculiar flavor of food? 😂

I know the matter might seem trivial and "random", but yes, as you might have imagined if you've read this far, there's much more behind chocomint too.

Let's start by what CLAMP themselves said during the CLAMP Space of April 1st, 2024 -- this is an excerpt taken from my own report :

As you can see, chocomint is described by Ohkawa as a divisive food: you either love it or hate it. But the people who love it really do consume it with a passion, in this series (Lilie is quite obsessed with it, Akiho is second only to her and Sakura herself is quite fond of it too), so much that I can imagine their loved ones looking at them and be...completely bewitched by the expression of happiness on their faces! 😆 That's something that makes you want to try to overcome your distaste, to enjoy something together, as we said before.

Chocomint itself is a very popular kind of flavor in Japan, so much that there's this term, チョコミン党 (a pun on the combination of the words "chocomint" and "faction") that indicates the fans of its taste, again reflecting the fact that it's a divisive flavor (hence the word "faction").

The characters themselves are self-reporting as being part of the "chocomint faction" in the series.

And...if the fact that it's "divisive" is so relevant, judging by Ohkawa's words...couldn't we just draw a parallel between how this flavor creates factions, "walls", and the walls that prevented many characters from communicating, understanding one another, and caused a variable range of concern (if not straight up worry) in their loved ones? Basically, one of the major issues that gave them an opportunity for more character growth?

I'm thinking about how Syaoran couldn't tell Sakura he was the one taking the Sakura Cards away in the beginning, and refused to explain to his girlfriend the situation with her powers, afraid of what that could trigger. Or the way Kaito kept hiding from Akiho his deteriorating health condition to avoid worrying her, only to end up stressing Akiho even further because the girl could clearly see everything behind his smiles.

Or how Sakura herself kept bottling up her feelings for half the series.

Or how several other characters acted in their own way, keeping others in the dark.

All this miscommunication, all these misbehaviors created division, created a wall between loved ones. And the idea of turning chocomint into an embodiment of that division works really well, because all the characters, in the end (at various degrees and each with their different process) learn how to overcome that "wall" and achieve a better understanding and deepen their bonds with their loved ones — just like trying chocomint for the sake of their loved one did. It carries this general idea of "what was divided before is now reunited".

Hell, even the way Kaito kept himself always quite alienated from Sakura's group and acted sometimes as an opponent could be seen as that. And now, all matters cleared up, he's thankfully part of the big CCS family too.

And while we're talking about Kaito and chocomint, this gives me the perfect opportunity to switch to the last consideration over this topic, another deeper use that CLAMP made of food to convey something that sometimes is hardly visible to the eye: someone's mental wellbeing.

Kaito's Complex Relationship With Food and the Signs of His Trauma

Food is such a favorite narrative tool in this story, that CLAMP also employed it to convey a much more serious matter.

Throughout the story and the small flashbacks of Kaito's childhood, we are told multiple times of his peculiar relationship with food.

We are told by Momo that "everything used to taste the same, to you" (chapter 39), or that he never once cooked in his life till he was tasked to accompany Akiho in her travels (Drama CD n. 2), to which he replied "there wasn't any need for it". Not "I was too young", or "no one taught me", especially because for a child with his magical powers that couldn't have been an impediment. "There wasn't any need for it".

During their first meeting, we're shown how Lilie is suprised to find him eating a Calorie Mate bar for lunch, instead of having a proper meal. Now, a Calorie Mate is surely designed as a substitute of a complete meal, supplying vitamins and minerals, but its use is more intended like an "emergency food", for when you're in a hurry. And it isn't exactly popular for being particularly delectable, so to speak.

Although surprised, it is important to point out that Lilie doesn't shame him for the choice of food, but actually poses the only question that matters: "does it taste good (to you)?". Even if it's a questionable choice for lunch, if the person likes it, there's nothing wrong with it.

But little Kaito's answer is something that always chilled me to the bone: "Not particularly. But as long as it keeps the pangs of hunger at bay..."

Now, all these behavior might seem like "funny quirks", when you read the story at a superficial level. But upon a more careful reading, when you take into consideration Kaito's whole background, and the situation he grew up in, they suddenly become an alarming symptom of the poor condition he's living in, affecting his psychological development as well.

Food, in this story, is very clearly portrayed as a vessel for joy and happiness. It is, after all, an effect that's rooted in neuroscience: good tasting food triggers the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin, giving a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. It is how our nervous system normally responds to these kind of stimuli.

But there are circumstances where this response is lacking: among the most common causes, there are mental health conditions and trauma.

Kaito's childhood has been nothing short of bleak: separated from his parents before even having a conscience of his own, all he could ever remember was being alone. Living in a circle of strangers who looked at his magic with fear, he's literally recruited like a child soldier by a congregation of criminals, with the only goal of exploiting his astounding magical powers. Lacking love, nurture and warmth in those crucial and delicate years of his upbringing, little Kaito's response to the offer is dull and half-hearted like everything he will do from there on, until Akiho enters his life: "I don't feel like going, but I don't even feel like opposing it". He doesn't wish for anything neither in positive (wanting) nor in negative (refusing), so he just literally lets things happen to him. Even when they order him to use time magic at expense of his lifespan, he doesn't refuse. He already shows a frightening apathy at such young age.

Momo is very clear about this aspect, in chapter 39, while talking to herself: "For a boy like you, who never wished for anything at all, something must have changed in you, that day when you made your decision".

Before we see him with Akiho, his expression is always rather blank. In the story, CLAMP really try to tell us with all the elements they can use that this child is not okay, that something had destroyed, or rather, didn't allow for a healthy mental state to take root in him. His emotional development is completely stunted.

And along with the disinterest for pretty much everything (human connections included), he also shows clearly a significant disinterest in food. There's this line he says in the flashback of chapter 31, while the Association is having a boring meeting, that always left me feeling rather perplexed: "I'm getting a feeling like....I'm hungry right now".

I kid you not, in Japanese it is phrased in this way, and it always struck me with how weird it was. I remember discussing it with Japanese fans, as they found it peculiar too, because it's phrased as if he's not even sure of how his body is behaving in that moment. It's like he's saying "I recognize the grumbling, so it must mean my stomach is empty and therefore I have to fill it if I want it to stop doing so". It is a very, very detached way to express the simple feeling of hunger. And what he says after is even more detached: "I wonder if I have some solid food left".

"Solid food". He isn't thinking of a particular food, or doesn't crave anything in particular: anything, as long as it's solid and fills his stomach (remember his reply to Lilie with the Calorie Mate?) is fine to him. Even if it's barely edible. Food is only seen as a means to survival.

The disinterest, the complete inability to perceive food as something that can give him satisfaction is just one symptom of his general state.

Lack of pleasure from eating food, lack of motivation, lack of interest in any activity as well as lack of interest in human connections are all expressions of what's clinically called anhedonia.

Now, to avoid any misunderstanding because of previous experiences, particularly on this website: I'm not saying that CLAMP tried to depict consciously or in detail what a person suffering from anhedonia looks like, nor I'm claiming they ever said it was their intention. I'm only saying that all the behaviors Kaito is showing in this story overlap for a good 80% to those who experience anhedonia, and if you look at his background, it's heartbreaking to realize how the cause is easy to see.

If PTSD or depression are listed among the major underlying causes for anhedonia, it's easy to recognize how Kaito might have been suffering from those because of the environment he grew up and lived in.

Lilie knew all of this. She didn't pose the question about the Calorie Mate aimlessly or randomly. She knew what Kaito was going through, she knew his nature, she knew what he would represent in her daughter's life, what an irreplaceable existence he would become in the future. And if she could help even a little for both of their happiness, she had to try.

And that's why you see her strenously trying, through relentless and stubborn attempts, to get Kaito to taste her favorite food.

To cause a change in him. To shake him, to spark a reaction. Even a negative one (like he had with chocomint), it didn't matter, as long as she could cause in him a reaction that would help him realize that food wasn't just "a solid thing he put in his stomach to sedate the hunger", but it could also make him feel something at an emotional level.

If she could help him finally recognize a food as "disgusting" (as opposed to "everything tastes the same"), her biggest hope was that she could also help him find a food he loved. And from there, with the flashback we see in chapter 41, she hoped to bring him to the next step: learning how a delicious food makes you feel inside would hopefully serve him as a guide to recognize how he would feel once he'd found the person he loved the most.

Her words, in the last flashback we see of Lilie with little Kaito, are very clear once you have the whole picture: "I might not be able to search for the thing you love along with you. But surely there is, out there, something you will love that will be only yours. And it will be waiting for you to realize it." She knew her time on this Earth was about to end, and she was probably aware she wouldn't be able to see her attempts come to fruition.

Her entire goal, with the whole "I hope to make you find a food you love", was to teach him to recognize how he would feel once he had established a bond with Akiho. The same warmth, the same tingling, the same feeling of contentment. And hopefully, from there, saving his life and her daughter's true happiness. Because it's only when Kaito finally realizes that he also cherishes Akiho, after her tearful love declaration, that he gets outside of the fake moon, and then agrees to let Sakura bring his true appearance back with the Rewind Card.

CLAMP used food, in this particular sub-storyline, both as a symptom of one's condition and as a lifeline, since Lilie's attempts weren't useless at all: they were like little seeds that she planted into him, and they bloomed fully only when Kaito met Akiho and experienced life (fully, for the first time) with her. Not only his relationship with food is completely revolutionized, as it's one of the main tasks he takes on as her butler, but he also enjoys eating with her and reacts not once, but twice with "it's delicious!" to the food Akiho makes for him. The one reaction that Lilie hoped to pull out of him back then.

Such a trivial reaction that anyone thought was normal and probably coming out of politeness, actually concealed a big, big step further in his character development. In episode 17 of the anime, the thing is even more endearing, because Akiho gives him her cake roll right before dinner, and he's so eager to eat it that he ignores completely all manners and tells her to eat it together right away — to hell with dinner! 😅

I really wanted to talk about this last aspect because I believe it’s where the role of food in Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card reached its peak, fulfilling its most pivotal function. I never imagined CLAMP would touch on a topic like that in this manga, even in their typical subtle way, and I really appreciated it.

But it's something that you can only notice once you read this story not at a quick, superficial level, but actually putting effort and dedicating the right attention to it. It's like things that seemed so mundane before, suddenly are connected together to lead into a new perspective that you might not have considered till that moment.