Genre: smut, crack, angst, strangers to lovers, F1!au
Series Rating: M (18+)
Warnings: drinking, lots of teasing and flirting, so much banter, fair warning - mingyu's kind of dick here, eventual smut to come
Word Count: 5.7k (final wc tbd)
Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I donât own SVT - they just inspire me
Summary: Minghao's just led his team to another championship - so why can't he enjoy it? He's jaded, having grown disillusioned with his life, and in desperate need of the familiar spark thatâs driven him all these years. Lucky for him, a chance encounter with the enemy of his rival will set his ignition ablaze with one wild ride đïž
A/N: Sorry this took so long - I've been working on several other projects and this one got pushed to the back burner. But it's here now! I really hope you're enjoying this Minghao, because he's such a kick to write, and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet đđ
Written as part of the @studiosvt Lights Out! collab đïž Banner by kiestrokes
Part One đ Collab Masterlist đ SVT Masterlist đ Main Masterlist đPart Three
The pool on the roof is a marvel of engineering, an infinity pool that looks out over the horizon. Itâs heated, which is good for the time of year, but what really helps keep Minghao from feeling the chill of the cloudless night is the glass that encloses the entire roof, making it one giant sunroom.
Minghao follows you into an elevator set up for direct access for kitchen staff to the pool. He doesnât ask how you know this will take to the pool. Heâs been wandering into different open rooms all night - nothing really seems off limits in this mansion, other than the kitchen. Itâs probably by design - The CEO wants to make sure no one questions his wealth. And no one could possibly question by taking in the view from his rooftop pool.Â
Thereâs another elevator at the other end of the sunroom, this one for The CEOâs use. Between the two elevator doors there is a massive bar. Minghao sets the tray on the countertop as you work the champagne bottle open and pour two glasses. You hand him one as you tell him your first name.
âIâm Minghao.âÂ
âI know who you are.â You grab the tray of cakes and walk over to the pool, settling yourself on the wooden paneling that lines the space around the pool. When you pat the ground next to you, Minghao takes his suit jacket off and folds it over the bar, then grabs the bottle and joins you, curling his legs underneath him to sit criss-cross, like heâs about to meditate. âIâm your assistant, remember?â You wink.
Minghao laughs. âRight.â He averts his eyes like a gentleman as you slide your skirt up your thighs a little so you can dangle your feet in the pool. âHow could I forget?âÂ
His phone buzzes in his pocket. Probably Seungkwan, wanting to know where he is. He ignores it.
You pick up one of the tiny cakes, gently pulling it apart into two halves before popping one into your mouth. âYou really donât know who I am?âÂ
He shakes his head. Why do you keep asking him that? Did you meet before, and he somehow managed to forget you? Heâs starting to feel bad, like he should know you. It can be hard to keep track of names in this industry - god knows how many people heâs met over the years. But heâs pretty sure heâd remember your face, at the very least.Â
You chew thoughtfully. âWhy did you help me back there?âÂ
âI donât know,â he admits. Well, thatâs not entirely true. He knows part of it. He thought you were going to get caught, and it bothered him, so he stepped in. But he doesnât know why it bothered him. âI thought you might need help. Those caterers can be mean.âÂ
You laugh. âI think I couldâve handled her. Besides, Iâm kind of her boss.â You gesture to the tray. âYou can have one, if youâd like.âÂ
Minghaoâs stomach is starting to rumble, so he selects one of the little cakes and pops it into his mouth. Itâs sweet and crumbly, chocolate coated in dark ganache, and he washes the whole thing down with a swig of his champagne. âYouâre one of the caterers? Like their manager?âÂ
âNo. But I hired them for the party.âÂ
âSo then, you work forâŠâÂ
âThe CEO,â you finish. âIâm his assistant.âÂ
If youâre The CEOâs assistant, thenâŠ. âThen you werenât kidding when you said you didnât need my help.âÂ
âNope.â You grin. âBut it was sweet of you to help me out anyway.â You offer him the tray again. âWant another one?âÂ
Minghao takes a second cake gratefully. Maybe he shouldâve raided the dinner service section of the kitchen before youâd brought him up here. Heâs getting hungry. His half-empty belly means the champagneâs going straight to his head, which would explain the unusual lightness heâs feeling right now.Â
âThatâs me,â he says, licking a bit of ganache from his thumb. âIâm very sweet.âÂ
You snort. âPlease. Iâve seen your interviews.âÂ
âHey!â Itâs his turn to be surprised and slightly offended. Okay, so maybe sometimes heâs a little short with the interviewers. Itâs not their fault that their job requires them to ask the most asinine questions with a straight face. He usually does his best to avoid going viral, but sometimes he canât suppress his snark.Â
âSorry. But also not.âÂ
Minghao leans back on his palms, watching you eat another cake while kicking your feet in the water. Who are you? Are you always this happy and relaxed? Whatâs that like?
âDo you usually steal champagne from your boss?â is what he ends up asking you. The question makes you snort again, waving your hand dismissively.
âItâs not stealing if itâs already paid for,â you counter, pouring refills for you both. âAnd it saved me time from going down to the wine cellar myself. But no, this is a one-time thing.â
âAre you celebrating?âÂ
âNot quite. More like⊠trying to come to a decision. A big one.â You twirl the stem of your glass, lost in thought.Â
Minghao waits patiently for a few minutes before clearing his throat. âDo you wanna⊠talk about it?âÂ
Maybe heâs overstepping, asking if you want to have a personal conversation with a near-total stranger. But if youâre willing to talk, heâs willing to listen. Plus, it might be nice to get out of his own head for a little while.Â
âYeah, okay.âÂ
Minghao blinks. âOkay.â He sets his glass down and you do the same, turning to face him. Your thigh bumps his knee and he apologizes, even though itâs your fault.Â
âIâm thinking about quitting my job.âÂ
âWhatâs holding you back?âÂ
âReally?â You laugh. âNot - âoh no, whatâs wrong at work?ââ
He lifts his shoulder. Heâs a little warmer now, with all this alcohol in his system, so he rolls his sleeves up. He notices as your eyes lock on his forearms. âIf youâre considering quitting, then things must be bad. Thatâs enough of a reason to leave.â He pauses. âBut if you do want to tell meâŠ.â
âOh, I could tell you so many stories,â you laugh, raising your glass in a sad toast. âIâve seen and dealt with so much bullshit! But it would take hours to tell them all and I donât want to waste your night.âÂ
âI donât know about that. Iâm having a better time than I thought I would tonight.â He sees your shy smile before you turn away. He wants to see it again, so he doubles down. âI mean it. Youâre much better company than anyone down there.âÂ
âWell, yeah, that is true.âÂ
He laughs, and you giggle, and he forgets himself for a moment, leaning towards you. You suck in a quick breath, loud enough for him to hear. He hums in response, low in his chest, and moves away before he does something reckless. Maybe he should slow down on the champagne.Â
His pocket starts to vibrate and he slaps his hand over it to keep it still. He must be getting a call. He pulls out his phone and glances at the screen. Seungkwan.
âDo you need to take that?âÂ
He shakes his head, sending the call to voicemail. Then he fires off some quick texts - wine went to my head, found a quiet room to lie down for a minute - and doesnât wait for a response before setting it down on the ground.
âItâs my manager, wondering where I am.âÂ
âOh, right, I imagine theyâre missing their star down there.âÂ
Minghao rolls his eyes. âI imagine theyâre doing just fine without me.â Especially since Mingyu is probably keeping them all captivated with one of his dumb stories. He realizes something. âYou said you hired the caterers for tonight - did you plan this party?âÂ
âMore or less, yeah. I organized everything, at least.âÂ
âWere any other drivers invited tonight? Or just Kim Mingyu?â
You wince, and take a swig of your drink. âJust Kim Mingyu. Everyoneâs favorite bobblehead.âÂ
Minghaoâs lungs fill with champagne and he doubles over, coughing it back up.
âAre you okay? Want me toâŠâ You raise your hand, ready to smack his back, but Minghao waves you off.Â
âAlmost⊠got it⊠all,â he wheezes between hacking. Itâs probably safer if he doesnât drink while youâre speaking, since he canât predict what will come out of your mouth. Strangely, heâs enjoying your randomness, even if itâs making his throat burn right now. âYouâre not - not a fan?âÂ
You snort into your glass. âSometimes I think his head is full of helium. Thatâs the only way he can keep that big thing upright. Iâm serious!â you add as Minghaoâs coughing becomes laughter. âLook at him closely, the next time you see him. His head is too big for the rest of his body.â
Minghao breathes carefully, making sure his lungs are clear. âIâm not a fan, either.âÂ
âFor any reason in particular?â
âHeâs my competitor. I respect his skills, but at the end of the day, heâs my competition, not a friend.âÂ
You lean towards him. âThere are no reporters here. You donât have to be so diplomatic with me.âÂ
âHeâs an asshole and I canât stand him.â Mingyuâs not the type of person Minghao would voluntarily interact with. But when you work in a circus like F1, itâs hard to avoid the clowns.Â
You roar with laughter. âOh, Iâm so glad I invited you to come up here with me.â Minghaoâs glad, too, and he pops another bite of cake into his mouth as you top off your glasses again. âThank god weâre not one of his sponsors. I avoid him as much as I can. Heâs soâŠâ You puff out a loud breath, shaking your head. âI donât even know where to start.âÂ
âHis giant head is a good start,â Minghao offers, lips curling into a smirk over the rim of his glass. He feels validated. Heâs not the only one who sees through Mingyuâs facade.Â
âSince you shared your true feelings, I think itâs only fair that I share my truth with you, too,â you say. âBut Iâm trusting you to keep it to yourself.âÂ
Minghao sits up, interested, and mimes zipping his lips closed.Â
You drop your voice to a whisper, as if the two of you arenât alone on the roof. âMingyu and I dated. A little.âÂ
Minghaoâs glad he swallowed before you spoke or else you might be wearing his drink right now. âReally?!âÂ
He tries very hard to hide the surprise on his face and fears heâs losing the battle. Mingyuâs dating exploits are usually plastered all over the internet - the man cannot leave his house without getting papâd by gossip sites, so of course any time he dates someone itâs heavily photographed and then highly discussed by the fans. Thatâs the reason Minghao goes to great lengths to keep his own love life under wraps when heâs dating. He doesnât want to expose anyone to the same scrutiny heâs subjected to day in and day out.Â
You shrug, playing with your glass. âIt wasnât any great love affair or anything. We went on a total of three whole dates. But yeah.âÂ
If youâd only gone a few dates, then it mustâve ended before the paparazzi ever got wind of it, which explains why he never saw you in any photos with Mingyu. He kind of wants to ask you why you dated him, but that would be incredibly forward of Minghao, and even if heâs a little buzzed right now, heâs still got manners.
He proceeds with caution. âIâm guessing those dates didnât go well.âÂ
Your laughter has a sharp tinge to it now. âOh, they were a disaster! First of all, we were set up, so I didnât really know him beyond what I knew from working in the industry. For our first date, we went out to dinner, and he spent a full hour and twenty-five minutes talking about himself before he asked me a single question about myself. Eighty-five minutes exactly. I know. I counted.â
âIâm not doubting a second of that.â Minghao replies. âIâve heard him talk about himself for even longer.âÂ
âIâm sure.â You place your empty glass on the ground with a sigh. âThat shouldâve been the end of it. But no, I agreed to a second date, and that one⊠well⊠we just didnât click, you know? Like, okay, weâre both in the industry, but in very different ways, and we both wanted very different things.âÂ
A beat passes. When you donât continue, Minghao prompts, âAnd the third date?âÂ
You merely shake your head, taking a big gulp of champagne. Minghao lets the silence sit, watching you as you lean back on your hands, idly kicking your legs in the water, and stare at the sky with a faraway look in your eyes. He wonders what the memory youâre lost in looks like. He gets the feeling itâs not a happy one, and that compels him to speak.Â
âI know we barely know each other, but I feel confident in saying that youâre better off without him, whatever happened.âÂ
You snap back to yourself. âYeah, totally. His loss and all that, right?âÂ
As much as heâd love to hear you rip on Mingyu for the rest of the night, he fears the conversation is leading you to a sad place, so Minghao steers things back on track. âSo, how long have you been at your job?â
âToo long.â You lift your feet, so your toes are above the water, and watch the waves you make as you speak. âLonger than most assistants. Iâve seen so many come and go over the years, all moving up the corporate ladder to bigger and better things. And then thereâs me, still standing on the bottom rung.âÂ
Minghao doesnât know anything about corporate life beyond what heâs picked up on from observation. His job thankfully doesnât require a lot of interaction with the executive structure of his team. But he understands the metaphor. And he feels a surprising amount of sympathy. He had to fight his way to the top.Â
âThereâs nothing wrong with being an executive assistant,â you continue. âItâs a fine enough job, pays the bills, whatever. But some of the stuff Iâve dealt withâŠâ You shake your head. âI spent my whole life preparing to be something else. And if thatâs not going to happen, then I donât want to be stuck here.â
Minghao doesnât press you for more details. He understands more than you could know. âThereâs nothing worse than being stuck.âÂ
âYou sound like you speak from experience.âÂ
âI do, but weâre talking about you, not me.âÂ
âWe can talk about you. Iâm not just a great assistant, Iâm a good listener, too. You can tell me anything.â
For a second, Minghao questions whether to open up about himself. Seungkwan would probably caution him not to. What if you take something he says and run to the press with it, or post it on social media? He probably should keep his mouth shut.Â
But thereâs a connection growing between you, something he hasnât felt in a long time, and a playful light in your eyes that heâs drawn to, so he decides, fuck it, why not tell the truth?
âWhen my contractâs up next year, Iâm not sure Iâm gonna resign. Iâm not sure I want to race anymore.âÂ
A sense of relief rushes over him as he says the words out loud. Theyâve been bouncing around his head since the start of the season.Â
âOh my god!â you shout, making Minghao jump. âAre you serious right now?!â Â
âYes?â
âHoly shit!âÂ
Minghaoâs panic begins to rise, bringing regret with it. âPlease stop yelling!âÂ
âIâm sorry! I thought you were going to tell me a story, not drop a worldwide exclusive on me! What?â you ask as Minghao groans, covering his face. âThis is a big deal!â
âI know it is, but - you said I could tell you anything.â He can almost hear Seungkwan calling him a dumbass right now. Lovingly, but also a little bitchily, the way only Seungkwan can.Â
âSorry. I just need a second to absorb.â You close your eyes, placing a hand over your sternum as you inhale a deep breath. âOkay. Iâve absorbed. Please go on.âÂ
He props his elbows on his knees and shrugs, resting his chin on his interlaced hands. âItâs like you said - I feel stuck. Iâm not sure what the path forward is for me right now.âÂ
âI see. I get that. But you used to know?âÂ
âYeah. I always envisioned success for myself. Being a champion. And then I did it this year. Sorta.âÂ
âSorta?!â Your voice gets loud again and Minghao jolts. âSorry, sorry. But are you saying that winning the Constructors Cup only rates as being âsortaâ successful?!â
âNo! Iâm not discounting that, not at all. Of course Iâm proud of winning the cup - Iâm really proud of myself for Dubai, I am. But beyond thatâŠ.â He draws a breath, surprised that itâs a little shuddery, and struggles to find the right words. âI thought this moment would mean everything to me. But instead, Iâm justâŠ.âÂ
âNumb?âÂ
He lowers his head, running his fingers through his hair, and nods. âYeah. Iâm numb, and I donât know what to do.âÂ
He can barely say the words, and canât look at you as he speaks them. It nearly breaks him when you reach out, placing your hand gently on top of his as it rests on his thigh. Why does this quiet show of support from a stranger mean so much?Â
âThat sounds like a nightmare.âÂ
âIt is.â He pauses. âBut itâs nice to know Iâm not the only one who feels lost right now.âÂ
âOh, you are definitely not alone.âÂ
You havenât moved your hand from his, so he turns his over, palm up, and watches as you slip your fingers between his. You squeeze reassuringly a few times, and Minghao feels a little ridiculous. But he canât deny that he feels comforted by your words, and your touch. For the first time in weeks, his heart isnât so heavy.Â
âWant to know a secret?â
âUm, yes, please.âÂ
âYouâre the first person Iâve told about this.âÂ
The weight of realization makes you sit up straighter. âI promise Iâll keep your secret,â you swear, your fingers lacing tighter with his. âYou can trust me.âÂ
He wants to believe that he can, so he allows himself to. âYou can trust me, too.âÂ
Buzz buzz
âSeriously?â With a frustrated sigh, he drops your hand and grabs his phone. Seungkwanâs bombarding him with message after message - Hello?? Did you fall asleep? Where are you? Call me!!
âYour manager again?âÂ
âYeah. Iâm just gonna - â He turns his phone off. âAt least your boss is leaving you alone right now.â
You wave your hand in the air. âOh please, I doubt heâs even noticed Iâm not down there. Heâs too busy blowing hot air up everyoneâs asses right now.âÂ
Minghao makes a face. âWhat a vivid phrase.âÂ
âItâs apt. I know everything about that man. I guarantee right now heâs got his lips glued to someoneâs butt. EspeciallyâŠâ you sigh and shake your head, and tip your glass back to drink the last few drops. âHe canât let a second go by without thinking about money, and how to get more of it.â
âI know too many people like that.âÂ
âTheyâre the worst, right?â You poke at the remnants of one of the cakes, picking up the crumbs on your finger and popping them into your mouth.Â
âIf I could give you one piece of adviceâŠâ Minghao waits for an encouraging nod from you before he continues. âI think that if you think too long about whether or not to quit, youâll never decide. Youâll keep arguing with yourself about whatâs better but never make a decision. But not choosing is itself a choice.âÂ
You turn away from him, and he immediately curses himself for being too blunt. If heâs not being too blunt, heâs being too sharp. Heâs like a weapon, designed to damage. Something about you makes him yearn for soft edges.Â
He watches your face as you stare at the starry sky, wondering how long he should wait before he apologizes, when you start to nod.
âYouâre right. Fuck. Fuck!âÂ
He doesnât know what that means and his face must telegraph that because you laugh.Â
âIâm really mad at how quickly you nailed me. Like, where the fuck did you come from?â You shake your head, seemingly mystified, but rather happy about it, if heâs reading your grin right.Â
He shrugs, but canât stop himself from smiling just as widely, and he laughs. You join him. He could ride this little wave all night, the tiny swell of joy he feels when he makes you laugh.Â
âBut honestly, I donât want to talk about them anymore. My boss, your manager, Mingyu. None of that.âÂ
Minghao shares that sentiment. He doesnât want to talk about any of that, either. Sitting here, looking into your eyes, he suddenly experiences a feeling he hasnât known in ages - longing.
âYeah, me neither.âÂ
âSo what should we talk about instead?âÂ
âWhatever you want,â he says. He reaches for your hand, a bit clumsily, but he links your fingers through his. âJust donât send me away. I donât want to go home yet.âÂ
Youâre silent for a moment, but he can tell youâre pleased from your little smile.Â
âYou donât want to go home, you donât want to go to the party - is there anything you do want?âÂ
Itâs a loaded question and you both know it. He hasnât held back from being honest with you so far tonight and he doesnât see a reason to start now.Â
Heâs feeling reckless again.Â
âI want to feel again,â he murmurs, and he raises your entwined hands to his mouth. You watch spellbound as his lips trace over your knuckles, slow and soft.Â
When he tugs, you fall into him eagerly, barely catching yourself with a palm to his chest as he kisses you. He releases your hand so he can hold your cheek and control the pace of the kiss. His nose nudges against yours, guiding you to tilt your face as he desires, allowing him to deepen the kisses until your head spins.
âI can help with that,â you whisper, as if the way your body yields to his touch didnât already inform him what you want.Â
He replies with a hum, rumbling from deep in his throat. âMmm, donât worry, you already are.â He cups your cheek again as he leans back. âAnd maybe I can help you, too.âÂ
Your pupils are dilated and your breathing is a little heavy as you stare at him, and he canât help but feel a little proud of the effect his kisses had on you. The urge to kiss you again is strong, but he remembers that heâs at a party, and the door to the roof pool is unlocked. If someone stumbles in on him making out with The CEOâs assistant, it could be disastrous for you both.Â
âBack to your dilemmaâŠâ He holds up a hand as you sigh. âJust stay with me for a second. Try it right now. Make a decision.âÂ
âAbout⊠my job?âÂ
He nods, and you scoff. Your hand is still in his. He squeezes it gently.Â
âNo, listen to me, and give it a try. I want you to tell me what you want to do. Donât think, just say the first thing that comes to mind. Okay?â
After a few seconds, you agree. âOkay.âÂ
He inhales a short breath. âAll right. Now tell me - what do you want to do?âÂ
âI want to kiss you again.âÂ
He laughs. Heâs shocked, but more than that, heâs pleased. âI meant more like, what do you want to do in your particular situation?â
âIâd rather kiss you than think about it.âÂ
You stick your chin out playfully, almost daring him to take you up on it, but heâs not fooled. He cups your face in his hands, and your cheeky smile turns shy. His thumb strokes your cheek for a moment as he gets lost in thought, trying to remember the last time he wanted so badly to kiss someone. He takes a deep breath before tilting your mouth to his.Â
When your lips meet, something flares inside him. He allows you to press against him only for a second before he leans away.
âMaybe we should - â
DING!
The doors to The CEOâs elevator open and Chan comes barrelling out, looking disheveled.
âYooo, look at that pool!âÂ
Minghao releases you as the other man raises his phone to take a picture, then stops, recognizing his teammate.Â
âHey, Minghao! Whereâve you been?âÂ
âMinghao?â Seokminâs right behind Chan. âHey, we found Minghao!âÂ
You curse under your breath. âGuess dinnerâs over.âÂ
Mingho rises to his feet, offering his hand to help you up. Seokmin and Chan are taking selfies at the bar while the door to the elevator keeps opening, spilling out more party guests each time. Seungkwan is one of them, and as soon as he spots Minghao, he heads directly for him. Minghao braces himself for an argument.Â
However, Seungkwanâs not here to yell at him. No, thatâs not quite right - heâs here to yell, but not about what Minghao expects. âWhat the hell? Have you been up here all night? Iâve been trying to get a hold of you!âÂ
âYeah, sorry, IâmâŠ.â Minghao glances at you, standing awkwardly a few feet away from him and his manager. âI just needed some fresh air.âÂ
âUh-huh, fresh air, sure. It doesnât matter.â Seungkwan grabs his arm, forcing Minghaoâs ear down to his mouth. âI learned something tonight. Junhuiâs out!âÂ
âHuh?âÂ
âHeâs out. Heâs leaving his contract!âÂ
Minghaoâs stunned by the news. Itâs not helping that his head is a little floaty right now, between the champagne and the kissing, and all the distracting noise that his teammates are currently making. The door opens again and this time itâs The CEO and Mingyu, and Minghao frowns.Â
Seungkwan glances back and forth between Minghao and you a few times. âListen, we can talk about it later, but I wanted you to know as soon as I found out.âÂ
âThanks, Seungkwan,â he replies, and the short, polite response confirms Seungkwanâs suspicion that Minghaoâs mind is elsewhere right now. He shakes his head and walks away, getting lost in his phone.Â
You havenât said a word since the party crashed your moment with Minghao. He steps closer to you. âI guess you probably need to get back to work.âÂ
âI guess.â You sigh. âToo bad. It felt for a second like tonight was going to be something different. Something good, for once.â You meet Minghaoâs gaze. âYou know?âÂ
He nods. He knows. He searches for The CEO, and finds him in tour guide mode, giving Seokmin and Chan a long-winded description about the architectural design of the pool. Minghao can tell that the two men are barely absorbing a word, too drunk to really pay attention, but The CEO either doesnât realize or doesnât care. Thatâs fine, Minghaoâs happy to have more time with you before your boss finds you.Â
âYN?âÂ
Both of you turn to see Mingyu bearing down on you with an annoyed look on his face.Â
âWhereâve you been all night?âÂ
You cross your arms over your chest. âThatâs none of your business.âÂ
Mingyuâs undaunted by your coldness. âYouâve been up here all night, with him? Really?â He doesnât look at Minghao, just nods his head in his direction.Â
âMingyu. Always a pleasure to see you,â Minghao replies crisply.
But Mingyu continues to ignore him. âWhy have you been wasting your time up here with Minghao? I saved you a seat at dinner.âÂ
âAnd then which of your girls did you call to fill it when I didnât show up?âÂ
Minghaoâs thankful he doesnât have a mouthful of champagne right now - though it would be fun to spit some all over Mingyu. It sounds like there might have been more to your story about dating Mingyu than simply not clicking.Â
Mingyu rolls his eyes. âOh, grow up and let it go already.âÂ
Minghao has to stick his hands in his pockets to keep his fists from flying towards the other manâs face. He doesnât know how much longer he can tolerate how disrespectful Mingyu is being to you right now. He can hear it in the other manâs tone - and see the hurt on your face.Â
âShut up, Mingyu,â you hiss, trying to keep your voice down. You look like youâre struggling to keep your anger in check, hands shaking at your sides like youâre resisting the urge to slap Mingyu. Thatâs too bad - heâd love to watch you smack the shit-eating grin off Mingyuâs face. âTake that big head of yours and shove it - â
âYN, darling, what is all this?âÂ
The CEO demonstrates exceptionally bad timing by joining the conversation at that exact moment. Minghao wants to hear the end of your sentence, though heâs pretty sure he guess where it was going.
But hold on. Did The CEO just call you âdarlingâ?
âSorry,â you mumble, stooping to pick up the tray and the empty glasses. Minghao grabs the empty champagne bottle and you flash a quick smile at him in appreciation. âI was just enjoying how much of a success the dinner party turned out to be. All that hard workâŠâÂ
The CEO nods. âRight. I see. Well, while youâve been up here⊠celebratingâŠ,â his gaze lands on Minghao for a second and Minghaoâs hands flex in his pockets, âIâve been busy making sure the teamâs legacy is secure.â He drops an arm around Mingyuâs shoulders, and Minghao puts the pieces together.
âNo. No, youâre not - tell me youâre not.â Minghao looks at Mingyu.Â
âOh yes,â Mingyu grins, and Minghao suddenly understands why people describe smiles as âsharp.â Mingyuâs a shark and Minghaoâs been treading water all night. âYes, I am!âÂ
âWhat is going on?â you demand. âIâm missing something.âÂ
âHeâs joining the team,â Minghao tells her. He feels nauseous. Bad taste always upsets his stomach, and Mingyu is downright indigestible. âJunhuiâs out.âÂ
âWhat?!âÂ
âThatâs right, darling.â The CEO beams from ear to ear as he speaks. âWinning the cup this year was just the start. With Mingyu driving for the team, weâre moving into our next era. Now, weâre not just building a new team, weâre building a dynasty!â
âHell yeah,â Mingyu whoops obnoxiously.Â
Minghao marvels at how quickly bad things can turn even worse. Heâs not just stuck, heâs trapped with Mingyu as his teammate. Â
When neither you nor Minghao say anything in response to the announcement, The CEOâs smile fades. âI realize this is a monumental moment, but I was expecting a little more of a reaction than silence.âÂ
âHooray,â Minghao says flatly.Â
The CEO doesnât know what to make of that. He turns to you.
âI thought you would be pleased, darling! Weâll be starting a new ad campaign and bringing Mingyu on board as a spokesperson, so that means youâll be spending more time together!âÂ
âOh god, thatâs the last thing I want! You never listen to me, do you? I told you, Iâm not dating him anymore! It was a mistake!âÂ
âHey!â Mingyu exclaims. âWhat do you mean, âa mistake?ââÂ
âNow, now, Iâm sure sheâs kidding,â The CEO tries to laugh but it sounds a little forced. Clearly he thought youâd be on board with his news. âArenât you, darling?âÂ
âNo, Iâm not!âÂ
The other party guests hanging out around the pool all turn as you shout. Minghao can see the panic in The CEOâs eyes and the anger in Mingyuâs, but all he cares about is the pain in yours.Â
âDating you was a mistake!â you inform Mingyu again. âAnd I told you that I never wanted to see him again, but you keep shoving him down my throat!âÂ
You point accusingly at The CEO, while Minghao struggles to make sense of things. Your boss calls you by a pet name and seems overly invested in your dating life. No wonder you want to get away from him. The man is an HR horror story.Â
âIf I was such a mistake, then whyâd you keep calling me?â Mingyu shoots back at you.Â
Minghao needs to walk away from this conversation before he does something heâll regret. Mingyu is his teammate now. He canât haul off and punch him, even if thatâs the only way heâd like to celebrate the news.Â
The CEO glances around. âMaybe we should talk about this somewhere else - âÂ
âNo!â you cut your boss off, shaking your head. âIâm done talking to you tonight.âÂ
âSweetheart, please - âÂ
That does it. Minghao canât take it anymore. He steps between you and your boss. âShe said sheâs done.âÂ
Everyone gathered around the pool falls silent, save for a whispered âoh shitâ from Seungkwan. Minghao can feel all eyes on him as he stares down The CEO, who reacts like heâs been slapped in the face.Â
But before the man can open his mouth, you grab Minghaoâs hand.Â
âHeâs right, Iâm done. Donât follow me.â Your tone is icy as you tug on Minghaoâs hand, pulling him along when you start walking towards the exit. âCome on.âÂ
You donât look back and neither does Minghao, following you without hesitation. He knows thereâs so much that heâs missing, but itâs clear that you want to escape. So he keeps his fingers locked in yours and lets you lead him into the elevator. Itâs not until the doors shut that he asks.Â
âNow where are we going?âÂ
Thereâs a wild look in your eye as you answer. âYou wanna go for a ride?â
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PAIRING:Â Mercedes!Driver Seungcheol x f. reader
Summary: Seungcheol and your brother Joshua battle over everything - pole positions, championships, the title of Mercedesâ best driver. The one thing they were never supposed to fight over was you.Â
WC:Â 19,882
GENRE:Â Exes to Lovers, Best Friends to Lovers, Brotherâs BFF
AU:Â Smut, Angst
RATING:Â 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.
WARNINGS: Lost of tension and angst, reader sacrifices what she wants constantly for Joshua (her brother) and feels like she is responsible for him, mentions of a parentâs death, petty drama, non-linear storytelling, Joshua and Seungcheol are both unfair and stupid in a lot of parts of this, explicit language, feelings of betrayal/sneaking around, sexually explicit content including oral (m. receiving), vaginal fingering, thigh riding, use of pet names baby) multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, biting and a bit of messiness, reader and Joshua really get into it and have it out in front of people, lots of deep convos, everything resolves happily I promise.
A/N:This fic is for the amazing Lights Out Collab hosted by @studiosvt!
A/N 2:Â I am so sorry this is so late I have moved across the country, had a bunch of things go wrong, and took a ton of L's today. This is not beta read AT ALL and there will be errors I am so so sorry.
MASTERLISTÂ |Â ASKÂ |Â LIGHTS OUT COLLABÂ |Â PART ONE
CIRCUIT DE BARCELONA-CATALUNYA | 2025
POST-QUALIFIYING
307.236 KM | 66 LAPS
The Catalan sun is a white-hot coin in a flat, cloudless sky. It's a good day for racing, the asphalt hot as a skillet with visible heatwaves. Despite it only being qualifying, the grandstands are filled, rows of red-and-yellow flags whipping and snapping. You can see them over the pitwall, screaming as cars fly by.
Sweat gathers at the small of your back, sticky and uncomfortable. You love Spain - love the smell of bougainvilleas and hibiscus - but it's sweltering in the garage where you're tucked away with no breath of wind.
You can taste the salt and hot rubber on every breath, the smell of grease and exhaust wafting in. The smell clings to the Mercedes polo like a second skin, and faintly, you think how nice it would be to shower right now.
A shower has to wait, though. Your eyes are fixed on the screen in front of you, helmet on your head with one ear pulled off so you can hear the roar of the engines and the distant metallic shriek of a socket gun.
The times on the TV flicker, each tenth of a second clawed back and lost back and forth. On your screen, Joshua is hunting pole position like a wolf that can smell blood while Seungcheol hunts Joshua.
Right now, Joshua holds the fastest time in Q3, flying around the curve of Turn 3. He's on his fastest and his last lap of the session, but Seungcheol's time is a heartbeat away trying to scrape past Joshua to claim pole.
You watch, fingers clutching your tablet as Joshua flies down the straight, something sparking. You can barely breathe, eyes focused on Joshua as he finishes his lap. He's the fastest of the day on the grid, but Seungcheol is flying as he nears Turn 10.
It happens in slow motion as the rear steps out and the car oversteers. Despite knowing he's chasing your brother, your heart squeezes as the tires lose grip and Seungcheol fishtails and goes wide.
Half the garage detonates as Joshua locks in for pole position while the other half deflates as Seungcheol loses his speed and destroys the lap. Both Ferrari cars fly past as he corrects himself and finishes out the last of his time, securing P5.
Someone shakes you on your shoulders as they go by. You give them a smile but it feels too tight as you peel the headset off, cutting off Joshua's exhilarated laugh. You're happy for Joshua - you are. But there's a sting at knowing how defeated Seungcheol is going to be, a tiny part of you winching at the mistake.
Mistake.
You both seem to be making a lot of those, recently. Some bigger than others. You try not to think about that night in Monaco, though. Thinking about it takes you down a dangerous path you don't know how to walk, and you'd prefer to just ignore it. Pretend it didn't happen.
So you do exactly that. You dodge Seungcheol - which, as busy as you are, is easy - and you keep your head down, burying yourself in work and going to lunch and dinner with your brother and keeping sponsors and media happy. It's the only thing saving you from the confused and frustrated looks the other Mercedes driver has been giving you across the paddock at every opportunity.
You begin the walk in the hot sun toward the press conference room in lockstep with Mercedes media team, head down looking over requests and questions. You hardly hear her as she speaks, your mind still stuck on the slipping end of a Mercedes car that doesn't belong to your brother. You know Seungcheol will be livid, and you're equal parts anxious and empathetic.
The press conference area is a zoo of cameras and buzz of voices. A handle from Mercedes is already with Joshua who sees you and grins bright as the Spanish sun. You grin back, shooting him a two finger salute before pointing to a distant corner you'll be standing and monitoring. He gives a wave back, heading toward a seat between Kim Mingyu and Lee Seokmin, P2 and P3 respectively.
You linger toward the edge of the media scrum, watching as the press conference kicks off in full. It's nice to see Joshua at the top again, all smiles and fluent Spanish, charming the crowd the way he always has.
Despite feeling like he's the number two driver, Joshua has always been better with the media than Seungcheol. There is a charming but clinical precision to the way Joshua presents himself, every answer measured, every microexpression practiced. You think of the mock interviews you used to give him when you were kids, mouth twitching. He was born for this, despite his challenges.
The back of your neck buzzes as someone steps into your orbit, the smell of oil and cedar hitting you. A shiver threatens to slither up your spine and you stiffen, knowing immediately who it is.
"Hi," he murmurs, warm breath ghosting the shell of your ear briefly.
You barely turn your head a fraction of an inch to look at him. He's still in his race suit, the top rolled to the waist and tied. His hair is damp under the team hat, exhaustion written all over his face. Your heart twinges, noting the dark circles, the frustration pinched in the corners of his mouth.
"You're supposed to be doing interviews," you murmur, turning back to face forward.
"I did mine. Avoiding me again?"
You swallow. "I've been-"
"Busy. Yeah. Heard that line before." He shifts and his arm grazes your elbow briefly as he leans against a pillar. You can feel the heat radiating from him, your heart racing. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt."
It feels like a knife to the ribs. You feel his words land, a physical thing. For a second, you don't know what to say. You stare as Joshua laughs at something a reporter says, bright and careless.
Your eyes flick around but no one is watching you. "This isn't the place for this conversation."
"Fine, let's go somewhere else."
"Cheol."
"I don't mean right now." He pushes off the pillar and leans forward, hand quick. You feel something slide into your pocket and jolt, but he's already moving away. "Room 2418. If you want to talk, come find me. If you don't I'll leave you alone. Promise."
Before you can react, Seungcheol is gone as quickly as he came. You turn to look at him but he's already gone, pressing through a sea of bodies watching the presser. You feel your stomach sink, the weight of the room key burning in your back pocket like a brand.
Breathing shakily, you look back at the stage where Joshua is listening to Mingyu answer something, his mouth permanently affixed in a grin. You're so happy for him - you are. Spain is a good track for him, and starting on pole gives him a great chance at winning tomorrow.
So why don't you feel as happy as you should?
The key card is heavy in your back pocket, burning through denim. You don't dare touch it, trying to ignore it. But every time you move - walking to the paddock, sitting down to take a video conference - you feel it there, a tiny piece of plastic that has no right to be so invasive.
You spend the rest of the afternoon on autopilot, barely able to think straight. You manage to get through media debrief in the hospitality suite while Joshua recaps his lap in soundbites. You even manage to get through a call and remind Joshua that he's due to mention a partner in tomorrow's pre-race interviews.
But as soon as the sky begins to turn indigo and the sun begins to bleed orange across the track, you know the clock is winding down. You feel every tenth of a second like a qualifying lap, the meter going down down down until you have to make a choice.
Joshua finds you outside of the motorhome. He's traded the race suit for a linen shirt with the sleeves rolled and jeans, hair still damp from a shower. He grins when he sees you, slinging his arm around your neck as he pulls you toward the cars.
"Dinner to celebrate. There's a place on the beach that apparently has amazing paella."
Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth. "Can't. I've got some calls to finish up. Time difference shit."
He squints at you. "You've been weird."
"I'm always weird."
"Yeah, well, the weirdness has increased. Is everything okay?"
"For sure. Just tired, the season is long."
"Hmm." He flicks your forehead and pushes you toward the open door of your car. "You're a bad liar. Don't stay up too long, yeah?"
He jogs toward another one of the cars, members of the team waiting for him. You give them a wave, feeling like a stone has dropped low in your stomach. You slip into your car to take you back to the hotel, feeling the press of the room key as you sit in the leather interior.
Outside, the world melts. You watch it with your forehead pressed to the cool glass of the window, villas and buildings stretching out on either side of the winding rows. Splashes of bougainvillea and hibiscus pour over walls and distant trellises, a world full of color you barely register on the drive.
It's dark by the time you're back in your own room. You stand there with the curtains open, the city glittering below. You don't turn on the lights as you begin to pace, phone in one hand, the other pressed over your pocket.
Cursing, you storm off to the bathroom to take the longest shower of your life. The water doesn't burn the desire out of you no matter how high you turn up the temperature. It doesn't wash away the way you feel even though your fingers and toes prune, begging to dry off.
Waterlogged and feeling no better, you blow dry your hair even though you're not going out. You do anything to distract yourself - iron clothes for the next day. Make some phone calls. Answer some emails. But you eventually run out of things to do and your jeans stare at you from the floor.
You know the room key is in there.
Monaco feels like a mistake. Or, it feels like it should be a mistake. The panic you'd felt when Joshua started calling you while you were still in bed with Seungcheol had been real, the guilt enough to make you panic while Seungcheol watched you with unreadable eyes and a guarded expression as you dressed.
But the feelings were just as real as the panic. You'd felt the sheer joy of getting to have him, the relief of touching him. It felt right to be with Seungcheol - righter than anything else in your life. But you know it's supposed to feel wrong.
Still. Still.
Seungcheol just wants to talk. You could do talking, maybe sort this out. Tell him that can never happen again, because no matter how right it felt, he wasn't made to be with you. Or you weren't made to be with him. You're not sure the semantics matter, but you know it'll never work, because you'll never be able to choose between him and family.
And they always want you to choose.
You're moving before your brain catches up. You snatch the key card from your jeans and slip it into the pocket of your shorts. The hallway is cold when you slip out, closing the door quietly. There's no one around to catch you - not that anyone would think it was weird that you were leaving your room anyway.
Your heart ricochettes against your ribs as you get onto the elevator and punch the 24th floor. As it ascends, you can't help but remember the last time you did this - the way he'd told you to tell him to stop, the way he kissed you and pressed you against the elevator wall.
A shiver ripples through you. You fight it off as the elevator opens and you move into the hall, pulse thrumming. The hallway is silent, carpet absorbing your steps as you near his door. 2418 is at the very end of the corridor, far from the elevators.
You stop in front of the door and stand there, key card in hand. You lift the card then lower it. Lift it again. Your hand is shaking when you finally tap it against the reader and the light goes green, the lock clicking softly. Swallowing thickly, you open the door and slide through the gap.
It's dim inside, the room lit only by a single bedside lamp. Seungcheol is in bed, leaning against the headboard with a book in his lap. Your pulse jumps when you see him. He's shirtless in sweatpants slung low on his hips, hair messy. He looks up at you in surprise and snaps the book shut.
"You came," he says, voice rough. The relief that floods his face is so raw you feel uneven. "Hi."
Carefully, you enter the room. You don't go over to the bed - it feels too dangerous. So you linger near the couch, watching him swing his legs off the bed as he sits up. He doesn't get up, his eyes clocking the distance you keep between you.
"That can't happen again," you murmur, wrapping your arms around your middle. It's cold in his room, the chill seeping in. "What happened in Monaco can't happen again."
He stiffens. "Okay. Tell me why."
"Because he's my brother. Because you're teammates. Because if anyone were ever to find out, it would be a mess in the media and fuck things up for you both again - for me."
"I don't care what the fucking media thinks-"
"I do!" Your voice cracks. "And it isn't just the media and Joshua. It's you."
His face shutters, expression becoming guarded. "What do you mean?"
"How long until you try to make me choose again? How long until you're asking me to pick between you and family?"
He sighs. "I already said I was wrong for that."
"What if it happens again? Or what if Joshua does it?" You sniff, feeling your throat tighten. "Do you know what it's like for the two of you to jockey me? To treat me like I'm one of your races and not a person?"
For a few moments, Seungcheol is quiet. He watches you with that steady expression of his and it makes you want to scream. Not in anger but in agony, because you can see the softening of his expression, see the way he does get it. The way what you're saying makes sense to him.
Seungcheol starts to stand and you take a step back. He holds his hands up in a white flag, trying not to scare you off. You eye him warily and he just stands, watching you with dark eyes.
"I know," he says softly. "I know. It isn't fair. Never was. You have spent your entire life dedicated to your brother and at times, me. All I'm asking is what you want. Because if you do want me, if any part of you wants this-" Seungcheol flicks his fingers between you. "- I will make it work. I'll go at your pace. I'll wait until you're ready. I will never make you choose again."
"Cheol."
"I'm serious. I cannot fathom pretending I don't love you anymore. I cannot stand the stilted conversations and being iced out. I cannot stand not getting to hear you tell me I'm braking too late or that my push pace was shit."
Love. He says the word so easily, like he has no idea that your heart catches on it and runs with it. You stare at him, opening mouthed, pulse hammering. He takes one slow step toward you, palms still raised like you're a spooked animal about to bolt.
"I'm done pretending," he says again, quieter this time. "I hate acting like I don't notice the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching. Done pretending I don't have the hoodie you stole from me in 2017 folded in my suitcase cause it still smells like you."
Your lungs stutter. He keeps walking toward you and you let him until his feet almost brush yours. The air between you smells like cedar and hotel soap, the air charged as you lift your eyes to meet his.
"I love you." The words land between you. "I love you and I will not make you choose me or your brother because I want you to choose yourself. I have loved you since we were sixteen and you fell asleep on my shoulder during flights. Since you let me fall asleep on yours at the Canadian Grand Prix."
Your eyes burn. You blink hair, but the tears come anyway. He softens when he sees them. "And I'm sorry that you're crying because I love you."
You make a wounded sound, that's stuck between a sob and a laugh. "You idiot. You can't just - say all of that and expect me not to cry."
"I know." He lifts a hand, slow enough that you could dodge if you wanted. You don't. His thumb brushes the tears away from your eyes. "I love you enough to want you to choose whatever you want. Even if it isn't me. But I need you to hear it, in case any part of you does want this-"
"Of course there is," you choke out. The confession immediately makes you feel lighter and you chase the feeling, needing to get the words out. "I've always wanted this. But I don't think that it works."
"Do you want to try?"
 The question hangs between you like a live wire, sparking and humming with possibility. Seungcheol stands so close that you can feel the warmth rolling off his bare chest, his thumb still gently brushing the last of your tears from your cheek. His eyes are steady, patient in a way that makes your chest ache. Heâs not pushing. Not demanding. Not forcing you to choose. He's just asking.
You swallow hard, your heart a frantic drum against your ribs. You think of the docs in Miami, of Monaco, of the way his mouth felt against yours in the elevator. The terror of watching Joshua's car slam into the barrier while Seungcheol fought for the win - years of being the buffer, the manager, the sister, the peacekeeper - never just you.
You think about the little girl who used to chase two boys around karting tracks, handing them water bottles and yelling lap times from the sidelines. You think about who you are now, exhausted from carrying everyone elseâs dreams, from managing schedules and emotions and rivalries that were never supposed to fracture the way they did. You think about all the nights you lay awake wondering what your life would look like if you stopped orbiting Joshua and Seungcheol and started chasing something yourself.
"IâŠ" Your voice cracks, throat dry. You clear your throat and try again, steadier this time. "I do. I want to try. For me."
The relief that floods Seungcheolâs face is immediate and devastating. His shoulders drop, the tension bleeding out of him as though heâs been holding his breath for a year. âYeah?â
âYeah. I donât know how the hell weâre going to figure this out. I donât know how to do this without blowing everything up. But I want to try for once. I want to do something because I want it."
Seungcheolâs hand slides from your cheek to cup the side of your neck, his thumb stroking along your jaw. âWeâll go slow. Your pace. No pressure. No ultimatums. I swear it.â
You nod, even as fresh tears slip down your cheeks. He catches them with his lips this time, soft, reverent kisses pressed to the corners of your eyes, your temples, the bridge of your nose. When his mouth finally finds yours, itâs gentle. But the moment you lean into him, fingers curling into the warm skin of his waist, the kiss deepens.
Seungcheol tastes like toothpaste and hotel water and something undeniably him. You sigh into his mouth, letting him pull you closer until your bodies are flush. His free hand settles at the small of your back, guiding you as he walks backward toward the bed. When the backs of his knees hit the mattress, he sits down and tugs you with him so youâre straddling his lap.
âStill okay?â he whispers against your lips, giving you every chance to stop.
"Yes."
His hands roam slowly, mapping the curves of your waist and hips over the thin fabric of your shorts and t-shirt. You rock experimentally against him, feeling the hard line of his cock already straining against his sweatpants. The friction sends a spark of heat through you, and you do it again, deliberately this time.
Seungcheol groans low in his throat. âFuck."
You smile into the next kiss, bolder now as your hands slide up his chest and over the firm planes of muscle until your fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck. He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, tongue sliding against yours in a slow rhythm that mirrors the way you're grinding on his thigh.
He shifts you slightly, flexing his thigh beneath you and you gasp at the sudden pressure against your pussy. Even through the layers of fabric, the sensation is enough to make your head spin. Seungcheol notices immediately and grins, one of his large hands gripping your hip to encourage you to move more.
âThatâs it,â he murmurs, voice rough with want. âRide my thigh, baby."
Heat floods your face at the words, but you donât stop. You roll your hips again, slower this time, savoring the drag of fabric against your clit. Seungcheol watches you with dark, hooded eyes, his free hand slipping beneath the hem of your t-shirt to trace warm circles over the bare skin of your lower back.
You're already wet, soaking through your panties as you roll your hips, lashes fluttering. The friction builds steadily and you whimper into his mouth. He swallows every sound you make, kissing you like he's trying to make up for lost time.
His other hand drifts lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your shorts. He doesnât push them down though, instead pushing them just enough to the side to slide his fingers past the edge of your underwear. When his fingers brush against your cunt, you both moan, panting into each other's mouths when you break apart.
âSo wet already,â he rasps. âAll for me?â
You nod frantically, hips stuttering against his thigh. âCheol."
âIâve got you.â
Two thick fingers glide through your wet pussy before circling your swollen clit with perfect pressure. Your head falls forward, forehead pressing to his as you pant against his lips, shivering. It feels so good, heat blooming in your stomach as you chase the feeling, two of his fingers sliding slowly into your entrance. He keeps his strokes steady and slow, building you up without frantically rushing you.
Every stroke sends a wave of pleasure up your spine and you clutch at his shoulders, nails digging into the skin as you rock harder against his thigh. You feel your orgasm building low in your stomach, tight and inevitable.
Seungcheol kisses you again, messy and deep, swallowing your whimpers as he works you, his thumb circling your clit. Youâre trembling now, thighs tightening around his as you chase the building pleasure.
"That's my girl," he whispers, lips brushing your ear. âSo fucking pretty like this. Taking what you want. Let me feel you come.â
The words tip you over the edge and your orgasm crashes through you. Your hips jerk against his thigh as waves of pleasure roll over you, clenching around his fingers while he keeps moving them gently, drawing it out until youâre shaking and oversensitive. He presses soft kisses to your neck, your shoulder, anywhere he can reach while you come down.
Youâre still panting, forehead pressed to his collarbone, when his alarm suddenly blares from the nightstand. The sharp, insistent tone slices through the hazy afterglow like a bucket of cold water. Seungcheol curses under his breath, reaching over blindly to silence it without letting you go.
âShit. Sorry,â he mutters, voice hoarse. âThatâs my stupid sleep reminder. Team physio has me on a strict schedule this weekend.â
You let out a breathless laugh, still boneless in his lap. âOf course you have an alarm for sleep.â
âGotta keep the machine running.â His arms tighten around you, one hand still resting possessively on your hip. âStay with me tonight?â
The question is soft, almost hesitant, like heâs bracing for you to pull away again. But the thought of leaving this room, of going back to your own cold bed and the swirling thoughts that always wait for you there, feels unbearable right now.
You nod against his chest. âYeah. Iâll stay.â
Seungcheol sighs in relief. He carefully maneuvers you both until youâre lying down, pulling the covers over you. You curl into his side instinctively, one leg draped over his, your cheek pressed to the steady thump of his heart. Seungcheol reaches over to switch off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness.
For a long moment, neither of you speaks. His fingers trace lazy patterns up and down your spine, soothing and grounding. You listen to the rhythm of his breathing, feeling the last remnants of tension drain from your body.
âI meant what I said,â he whispers eventually, lips brushing the top of your head. âWeâll figure it out. No rush. No choosing. Just us, however that looks."
"I know. I believe you.â
Seungcheolâs arms wrap more securely around you, pulling you impossibly closer. The steady rise and fall of his chest, the warmth of his skin, the familiar scent of him - it lulls you, your eyelids growing heavy as sleep pulls at you.
âNight, baby,â he murmurs.
You manage a quiet hum in response, fingers curling loosely into his side. For once, youâre not thinking about Joshua, or the team, or the media, or what tomorrowâs race will bring. Youâre not calculating risks or managing expectations. Youâre simply here in Seungcheol's arms, and you finally fall asleep peacefully.
-
CIRCUIT DE BARCELONA-CATALUNYA | 2025
RACE DAY
307.236 KM | 66 LAPS
The morning light filters through a gap in the heavy hotel curtains, warming your face as you frown, waking slowly. The second warmth you feel is coming from behind you, a solid body pressed to your back and heavy arms wrapped around you, one thigh slung over yours.
For one perfect, suspended moment, everything feels right. No paddock tension, no media scrutiny, no brotherly responsibilities clawing at the edges of your mind. Just the quiet weight of him, the faint scent of his skin and last nightâs hotel soap.
Then reality crashes in.
Your eyes snap open fully. The digital clock on the nightstand reads 7:42 AM. Race day. Barcelona. You are late.
âShit,â you whisper, heart instantly jackrabbiting.
You have a dozen things scheduled before the drivers even head to the garage - strategy briefings, sponsor check-ins, media coordination, Joshuaâs pre-race routine. You were supposed to be up at 6:30 at the latest. You try to extricate yourself without waking Seungcheol, but the moment you shift, he tightens his hold instinctively, a low, sleepy rumble vibrating against your shoulders.
"Five more minutes," he croaks.
âWe donât have five minutes,â you hiss, half-laughing, half-panicking as you peel his arm off. âCheol, Iâm so late. I have to go.â
He cracks one eye open, taking in your disheveled state and the urgency on your face. Understanding dawns quickly. He sits up on one elbow, hair adorably mussed, the sheet pooling low around his hips. The sight is distractingly tempting, but you force yourself to focus.
He reaches for his phone on the nightstand, but youâre already scrambling out of bed, hunting for your bra and shorts. "Sorry, I should have set an alarm for you."
âNo time. I need to get back to my room, shower, change." You look in the mirror and hiss. "My hair is a mess."
Seungcheol swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands, crossing the room in two strides to catch your wrist gently before you can bolt. âHey. Breathe."
"You're right, sorry. But I really have to run. Joshuaâs probably already wondering where I am.â
He nods, expression softening. He leans in and presses a quick, firm kiss to your forehead. âText me when you can. And good luck today. Both of you."
You manage a small smile, squeeze his hand once, and then youâre slipping out the door with your shoes in hand, padding barefoot down the carpeted hallway. The elevator ride to your floor feels eternal, and by the time you burst into your own room, your phone is already exploding.
You snatch it off the charger. 14 missed calls. 27 new messages.
You hit Joshuaâs name first as you simultaneously kick off last nightâs clothes and turn the shower on full blast. The call connects on the second ring.
âWhere the hell are you?â Joshuaâs voice is sharp with worry. Iâve been calling for twenty minutes. You never sleep through alarms. Are you sick? Did something happen?â
âIâm fine, Iâm fine," you insist, hopping on one foot while trying to wrangle a clean towel. âOverslept. Badly. Iâm in my room now, jumping in the shower. Iâll be ready in fifteen, tops.â
âFifteen? Weâre supposed to leave for the circuit in twenty. The carâs waiting downstairs."
"Well I need fifteen, Josh."
He pauses, and you can practically hear him narrowing his eyes the way he does when he knows youâre skating around something. âYou sound out of breath. Were you running? Did you go for a run this morning without telling me?â
"No, I'm just rushing you idiot. Let me get ready!"
The shower is the fastest, most utilitarian one of your life and you leave your hair wet as you pull on a Mercedes polo, team issued pants, and comfortable sneakers. You grab a protein bar from the minibar on the way out, and you manage to get to the elevator with three minutes left to spare.
Your phone buzzes again as the elevator descends and when you look down, you can't help but smile.
Seungcheol: Hope you made it out okay. Love you.
Your heart does something terrifying as you re-read it. You're happy - genuinely, stupidly happy in a way that feels entirely dangerous. You feel out of sorts too, though, like your carefully constructed world has tilted overnight and you're still trying to find your footing.
You fire back a quick reply while speed-walking through the lobby, chewing your lip to hide the smile the entire time.
You: Made it ok. Love you too.
Joshua is already waiting near the entrance, arms crossed, looking every inch the polished driver in team gear with a cap pulled low. His eyes scan you the moment you appear, taking in your slightly flushed cheeks and the way youâre still catching your breath.
âYou look like you sprinted here,â he says. âSeriously, whatâs up? Youâre never late. Not like this.â
Both of you head to the team car, the driver already waiting for you. You slide into the backseat, buckling up as the car pulls away from the hotel. Barcelona's streets are already buzzing with fans in team colors and flags waving from balconies.
âI told you, overslept," you insist. "Phone was on silent. Wonât happen again.â
He studies you for a long moment, the kind of big-brother scrutiny that used to make you confess to stealing his snacks as kids. âYou sure thatâs all? Youâve been kind of distracted since Miami if I'm going to be honest with you."
Your stomach twists. Just a lot on my plate. Sponsors, media requests, keeping the narrative straight between you two after that interview. The usual circus.â You force a smile and nudge his knee with yours. âFocus on the race, okay? Pole position. Youâve got this. Iâll handle everything else.â
âFine. But weâre talking later. No dodging.â
The drive to Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya is mercifully short, the car weaving through traffic as fans stream toward the gates. Support races are already underway or wrapping up, the air thrumming with anticipation for the main event. You feel that familiar sense of excitement for Joshua, nerves for the team, and now something new and fluttery when you think about Seungcheol.
By the time you reach the paddock, the Mercedes garage is a hive of controlled chaos with mechanics swarming the cars, engineers hunching over laptops and staff coordinating interview slots. The smell of hot rubber, fuel, and polished carbon fiber hits you and helps you slip seamlessly into manager mode.
Joshua heads off for a quick physio session and final driver briefing while you hover near the hospitality area, answering emails and fielding questions, but your mind keeps drifting. Every time you catch a glimpse of black team polos or hear a familiar low laugh, your pulse jumps.
Seungcheol is somewhere in the garage too, no doubt going through his own pre-race rituals, but you don't seek him out, knowing it's too risky in the daylight with everyone watching.
The morning blurs. Driversâ parade, more media, team photos, final strategy notes. Joshua is focused, locked in, the way he gets before a race. You stick close, offering the usual encouragement, the two-finger salute thatâs been your ritual since you were kids and he returns it with a grin that doesnât quite hide his own underlying tension.
You feel happy and light in a way you haven't in months. Still, you feel like you're living two lives in one body: the competent, protective sister and manger, and the woman who spent last night in Seungcheol's lap, coming apart under his hands while he whispered that he loved you.
It's hard to reckon with, but you force yourself through lunch, picking at a salad and barely tasting it while Joshua reviews notes with his race engineer. Your phone buzzes again under the table.
Seungcheol: Saw you from across the paddock earlier. You look good in the team kit. Professional. Hot.
Seungcheol: Thinking about how you sounded last night. Trying very hard not to think about it during briefing. Failing.
Heat floods your face. You type back quickly under the table.
You: Stop. Iâm working. Youâre going to get us both in trouble.
Seungcheol: Worth it. Good luck kiss later? Quick one. Promise Iâll be careful.
Your stomach flips. You donât reply immediately, but the promise lingers as the afternoon wears on with the usual race day cadence. The grandstands fill steadily in the distance, the Catalan sun high and merciless as it turns the asphalt into a shimmering heat haze.
Autopilot is your best friend as you navigate your duties and answer phone calls, and by the time you're in the garage and coming alive for the race, you're blinking like you've just woken up from a dream, unsure how you got here.
Joshua looks sharp and focused as you talk him through his notes, squeezing his shoulder, same routine as always. He nods and kisses you on the head before rolling his shoulders and heading over to talk to his engineer, keeping his limbs loose.
You feel a light tap on your elbow then, barely there. You turn slightly to see Seungcheol passing behind you, seemingly on his way to his room in the garage. His expression is neutral and professional, but when he looks at you, his eyes are dark. He tilts his head toward the hall that leads to the drive rooms before he turns and vanishes down them.
Your heart leaps. You wait a beat, then follow at a casual pace, pretending to check something on your tablet.
The hallway is quiet, dimmer, the roar of the circuit muffled. Seungcheol is waiting just around the corner, out of sight. The moment you step close enough, he gently pulls you further in, one hand on your waist, the other cupping the back of your neck.
âHi,â he breathes, voice low and warm, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. His hair is still slightly damp from whatever prep he just finished, and he smells like his cologne mixed with the garage. "Doing okay?"
"Hi," you whisper. "I think so. We shouldn't-"
âI know. Ten seconds."
Before you can overthink it, he leans in and kisses you. It's soft at first, then deeper, a searing reminder that he's serious about this - about you. His lips move against yours with quiet hunger, tongue just grazing yours before he pulls back, forehead resting briefly against yours.
"Be safe," you murmur. "Please."
"I promise." He steals one last soft peck, then steps back, putting professional distance between you again. His eyes linger, dark and full of too many things to name here. âSee you after.â
He slips out first, rejoining the controlled chaos of the garage like nothing happened. You follow a moment later, heart racing, lips tingling and a stupid smile on your face as he jogs to the car and pulls on his balaclava before the helmet, hopping into the seat.
Arms crossed, you watch the formation lap unfold under the blazing sun, the two Mercedes cars gleaming as they roll out from the grid. Joshua starts on pole, the car flowing easily through sector one as the rest of the drivers form up behind him. Seungcheol cruises in P5, but you know even from there he's lethal. He's always driven better when he has something to prove.
You stand in your usual spot near the monitors, headset snug over one ear, tablet clutched tight. Wonwoo lingers nearby, but he says nothing, just as focused on the start of the race as you are, watching the red lights flicker down until it's lights out.
Joshua gets a perfect launch, maintaining the lead into Turn 1 while the field bunches up behind him. Seungcheol makes an aggressive move on the inside of the long run to the first corner, dispatching one of the Ferraris and slotting into P4 almost immediately. Your heart squeezes in victory, your hands tightening on your tablet as you watch them drive, the sound of radios crackling with their voices coming intermittently.
The first ten laps are relatively clean, Joshua defending easily while managing his tires with clinical precision. Behind him, Seungcheol is on the hunt, gaining inch by inch as he closes the gap on the cars ahead. By lap 15, he's already in P3, running an orange McLaren down brutally.
You canât help stealing glances toward Seungcheolâs side of the garage whenever the cameras cut to his onboard. His focus is absolute, hands making minute corrections through the technical sector two. The car looks sharp today with better balance than yesterday, and you feel a spark of pride as he extracts everything he can out of the car.
Guilt is there too. Youâre supposed to be wholly in Joshuaâs corner and you are, but your heart has always been big enough for both of them, even when it hurts a little.
Mid-race pit stops begin. You watch with laser-like focus as Joshua boxes on Lap 22 for fresh mediums, rejoining just behind the McLaren as the undercut works in his favor. Seungcheol stays out a lap longer, pushing hard on older tires before diving in. When he rejoins, the gap has narrowed dramatically.
The tension thickens. You shift your weight from foot to foot, chewing the inside of your cheek. The sun beats down mercilessly, turning the garage into a sauna. Sweat trickles down your spine beneath your polo while you watch the monitors as Seungcheol begins a relentless chase.
Lap after lap, he closes in. By lap 35 the gap is under a second and the garage is both electric and nervous. A 1-2 win would be fantastic for Mercedes, but they've been here before when their drivers blew the lead and crashed into one another, sacrificing position for the win.
âCome on, Josh,â you mutter under your breath. âHold him.â
But Seungcheol is on a mission and by Lap 42, he gets a strong run out of the final chicane and uses DRS down the main straight. Joshua defends the inside into Turn 1, but Seungcheol feints and switches late, forcing Joshua to cover. You hold your breath as they sweep into a complex turn, inches apart from one another at 300 km/h.
Joshua holds the lead out of the turn and you let out a breath, heart hammering. The team debates whether to ask for a position swap if the tires dictate it, but both drivers are pushing too hard for anyone to intervene lightly. You remember Suzuka. Singapore. The crashes. Your stomach knots tighter.
Seungcheol doesnât let up. He tries again on lap 48, diving deeper into Turn 1, but Joshua slams the door shut as sparks fly from Seungcheol's front wing when he clips the curb on the exit. The crowd roars, watching the two Mercedes fight hard, but cleanly.
The final stint becomes a masterclass in driving. You watch as Seungcheol chews into the gap between him and Joshua, setting the fastest lap of the race thus far. Joshuaâs engineer urges tire management while Seungcheol's pushes him to attack, both of them on entirely different strategies.
Turn 1 comes up again and the entire garage holds its breath as Seungcheol goes for the outside into the turn, forcing Joshua wide. They exit side-by-side again, but Joshua throws away tire strategy, climbing forward faster as he pushes the car to the absolute limit.
You grip your tablet so hard your knuckles ache, watching as they fight through the last lap, Seungcheol trying everything he can to claw past Joshua until the checkered flag is waving and you're letting out a shaky breath, light-headed from not breathing.
Joshua crosses the line first, a hard-fought victory that sends the Mercedes garage into an explosion of chaos. Mechanics cheer, high-fiving and clapping one another on the back while Seungcheol crosses just behind Joshua. It's a strong double podium for Mercedes, but you know Seungcheol will be frustrated.
The podium ceremony is electric, Spanish flash waving wildly in the grandstands as Joshua sprays champagne from the top step, grinning brightly. Seungcheol stands on the second step, hair damp with sweat and champagne, clapping politely. Then, to the visible surprise of everyone - including you - Seungcheol steps over during the celebrations and extends his hand to Joshua, pulling him into a firm, back-slapping hug.
The garage around you goes momentarily quiet before erupting in murmurs. You blink, stunned. Itâs the most genuine public gesture of sportsmanship between them in over a year. Joshua looks momentarily thrown, patting Seungcheolâs back awkwardly before they separate. The cameras eat it up, and you can already imagine the headlines.
Post-race media and debriefs blur together in the usual whirlwind, Joshua fielding questions about the defense, tire management, and the intense battle with Seungcheol. Seungcheol is polite in his own press conference, praising the car and the team while admitting he gave it everything. The atmosphere in the Mercedes motorhome feels lighter than it has in months with points in the bag and double podium with no fights.
It's weird, but good,.
Youâre still riding the high of Joshuaâs win when he finds you in the hospitality suite later, freshly showered and changed into team polo and jeans. His hair is still damp, cheeks flushed from the podium champagne and the heat.
âNice drive,â you tell him genuinely, pulling him into a quick hug. âYou held him off like a champ. That battle in the middle stint was insane.â
âYeah, it was.â Joshuaâs smile is bright but thereâs a thoughtful edge to it. He glances around, making sure no one is within earshot. âDid you see that on the podium? Him shaking my hand, clapping me on the back like weâre best friends again?â
You nod, keeping your expression neutral even as your pulse quickens. âI saw. Surprised everyone.â
âIt was weird. Good weird? Maybe. But after everything, I don't know. Whatever. Don't make any plans tonight, okay? We're having dinner. I want to talk."
Your stomach drops a little. âTalk about what?â
âEverything. Youâve been off. The lateness this morning. The way youâve been dodging questions."
"I'm fine."
He softens slightly, squeezing your shoulder. âYouâre my sister first, manager second. I need to know whatâs going on in your head. No blowing me off this time.â
You force a smile. âOkay. Dinner. Just us.â
He seems satisfied for now and heads off to do a quick sponsor appearance. You exhale shakily once heâs gone, pulling out your phone to see thereâs already a text waiting.
Seungcheol: Everyone thought it was weird that I hugged him huh
Seungcheol: I was feeling nostalgic. It was fun.
Seungcheol: Plans later?
You bite your lip, thumbs hovering.
You: That was a hell of a drive. Very proud of you both. Dinner with Josh tonight.. he wants to talk. Will update you later.
Seungcheol: Okay. Call me after. Let me know what you need from me. Love you.
The words burn as you stare at your phone, repeating them in your mind over and over again. Love you. Love you. Love you.
-
CIRCUIT DE BARCELONA-CATALUNYA | 2025
POST RACE
307.236 KM | 66 LAPS
The restaurant Joshua chooses sits tucked away in a quiet corner of Barcelonaâs Eixample district, far from the noisy tourist crowds and the lingering post-race energy near the circuit. Ca LâEnric is unassuming from the outside with terracotta walls and a simple wooden door, but inside is full of soft golden light and dark wooden panels and shelves of aged wine.
You and Joshua sit at a corner table beside a tall window that opens onto a small private courtyard garden strung with delicate fairy lights. The evening air drifting in is still warm from the dayâs heat, carrying faint hints of salt from the distant sea. Joshua orders a bottle of good local red without glancing at the wine list, intimately familiar with Spain and the list of wines here.
With win in hand, both of you lift your glasses, smiling as you tap them together with a shallow clink.
"To the win," Joshua says. "And to not crashing into my teammate."
You snort, sipping the wine. "Today was incredible. That's the kind of race dad would have been yelling the entire time."
The mention of your father settles over the table, heavy and solid. Joshuaâs eyes soften, and he nods, leaning back in the chair as he blows out a heavy sigh.
"Yeah, he would have loved today." He chews on his lip. "He always said Barcelona was one of the best races on the calendar. Remember how he used to stand in the garage with that old clipboard and timed sectors by hand?"
The memory of your father - tall and steady with a presence that could command a room - rises sharp and vidi. He had poured everything into both boysâ dreams through karting and Formula 2. Losing him left a hole nothing has ever fully filled. You've tried - god you've tried - but you're not him. You don't know how to be, and you're not sure that you want to be.
âHe would have been shouting strategy over the radio even if they told him not to,â you reply, voice thick. âThen heâd drag us all out for late-night calçots or whatever was in season and lecture us about tire management over dessert.â
âExactly. Heâd probably tell me I left a little too much room on the outside in Turn 4, though.â
The conversation flows naturally from there into the race itself, Joshua recounting everything in perfect detail. You listen intently, offering small strategic mentions you noted during his drive. He takes them in stride like he always has, not shying away from your recommendations or strategy. For a while, it feels easy. Familiar. Just the two of you breaking down the day the way you always have.
"Speaking of the race," Joshua says as the server brings over crispy tender grilled octopus sprinkled with paprika and olive olive, "That thing on the podium with Cheol was weird right?"
You keep your face carefully neutral, focusing on drizzling oil over a slice of warm bread. "Weird how? Surprising, I get. Media loved it though. Fans too."
"Sure. But it felt off. We havenât had a civil moment like that in over a year. Not since Singapore really went to shit.â He pauses, chewing thoughtfully. âI keep replaying the crashes. Suzuka last year. Singapore the year before. Every time we get close, it gets worse, you know? He drove hard again today and I guess I kept waiting for him to crash into me."
You set your fork down, choosing your words with care. The old habit of playing buffer kicks in automatically, even as your own heart pulls in conflicting directions. âHeâs always driven like that, Josh. Aggressive. All-in. Itâs what makes him good. Today was no different, you were just the better driver."
Joshuaâs gaze sharpens. âSince when are you playing devilâs advocate for him?"
"I'm not playing devil's advocate. I'm reminding you that you used to feed off each other on and off the track. Would it be so terrible to get back to that?"
"I'm sorry, are you saying it would be nice if we were friends again?"
The question lands like a precise jab to the ribs and heat creeps up your neck. Internally, your stomach twists at the memory of waking up wrapped in Seungcheolâs arms this morning, the taste of his desperate kiss in the hallway.
âWe used to be friends," you point out. "All three of us. It would be nice if some of that could come back. Not exactly the same as it was, obviously. But less hostile maybe. The team suffers when you two are constantly at each otherâs throats. And honestly? Itâs exhausting watching you both tear into each other when I know how much you used to mean to one another.â
âWeâll never be friends again. Not like before. He made that clear when he told you to choose in the middle of the garage after he put me in the wall."
"Josh-"
"No." He leans on the table, eyes flashing. "You don't come back from that. In fact, hearing you say this is even crazier. What changed?"
His question hits hard. The quiet, stolen joy you have been carrying since last night dims under the weight of cold reality. Joshuaâs certainty that there is no path back, no possibility of reconciliation makes the secret you're keeping even worse. You swallow against the sudden tightness in your throat.
"Nothing," you lie. "I'm just tired of all the anger, I guess. It's been years of this. I thought today might be a small step to healing. That's all."
The mains arrive at that moment and you're so relieved you could get on your knees and thank the server. The food smells incredible, but the growing tension has stolen most of your appetite. You push pieces around your plate while Joshua continues, his voice lower but no less intense.
âTalk to me. Really talk," he urges. "Youâve been weird for weeks. Oversleeping this morning, disappearing after quali yesterday, dodging my questions. And now this sudden softness toward Cheol? I know you better than anyone. Whatâs going on with you?â
The question opens a floodgate you have not fully prepared for. You take a slow sip of wine, letting the rich, earthy notes steady you. You don't know what to do. All you know is you can't tell him about Seungcheol - won't tell him about Seungcheol. Not yet. Not after hearing the finality in Joshua's assessment of their relationship.
âIâve spent a lot of time being your manager,â you say finally, your voice quiet. âSince Dad passed, I stepped into that role completely. Making sure you have everything you need, fighting for your seat, handling sponsors, media, and all the drama between you and Seungcheol. I donât regret it, Josh. Not for a second. Youâre my brother. But.."
"But what?"
"Sometimes I wonder if there's anything else out there for me. I never really had the chance to try. Everything has always revolved around the next race, the next season, keeping the dream alive for both of you."
Joshua sets his fork down slowly. His brow furrows, a mix of surprise and defensiveness crossing his face. For a while, he's silent, staring at you from across the table, brows pinched, eyes dark. You don't eat - don't know how to, under that gaze.
Finally, he says, "You make it sound like I forced you into this or like I've been holding you hostage. Is that how you feel?"
"No, Josh. That isn't what I mean."
"Then what do you mean?"
"I was so young when it started, and then Dad got sick, and suddenly I was managing schedules and contracts while barely figuring out my own life. I donât regret supporting you. Iâd do it again in a heartbeat. But Iâve never had real space to figure out what I want outside of all this. Does that make sense?"
"Not really, no."
You sigh in frustration. "What part is confusing?"
"The part where you want out."
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. You stepped into Dadâs shoes because you wanted to. Because youâre good at it. Now youâre making it sound like Iâve been selfish for letting you.â
âThatâs not fair,â you whisper fiercely, eyes stinging. âIâm not blaming you. Iâm just⊠being honest for once. About how I feel. About how heavy it all is sometimes. You asked me what's wrong. I'm telling you."
A heavy silence falls over the table as your lamb gets cold. The server passes by a single time, sensing the tension before he pivots and darts away. Outside in the courtyard, the fairy lights sway gently in the evening breeze, casting dancing shadows across the stone path.
âI donât want you to feel trapped," Joshua says eventually. "But this is all I've ever known too. Hearing you talk like this is scary."
"I'm sorry."
The rest of the meal passes in strained silence. You both pick at your food, the earlier warmth of shared memories replaced by a heavy, uncomfortable tension that lingers in the air long after the plates are cleared. When the check comes, neither of you fights over it the way you usually do. The walk back to the waiting car is quiet, the Barcelona night suddenly feeling cooler than it should.
By the time you reach the hotel, the happiness you felt this morning has dimmed. Joshua throws a wave goodnight, clipped and tired as he heads off, leaving you feeling stranded at sea.
You head to your room alone, the door clicking heavily behind you. You lean against it for a moment, eyes closed, letting the cool wood press into your back. The silence inside the room is almost suffocating after the heavy conversation at dinner. Your chest feels tight, your stomach still twisted from the argument with Joshua. You wonder if you should have told him about Seungcheol, if you should've just put it all out on the table.
No. Joshua doesn't do good with change. At least not all at once. He can barely chew on the idea of you being unsure if this career is what you should be doing long term, much less the idea that you're in a relationship - sort of - with Seungcheol.
You kick off your shoes and drop your bag on the chair by the desk. The room is dimly lit by a single lamp you left on earlier, Barcelona's city lights glowing faintly through the half-drawn curtains. You cross to the bed and sit on the edge, phone heavy in your hand. Your thumb hovers over Seungcheolâs contact for several long seconds before you finally tap it and bring the phone to your ear.
He answers on the third ring, his voice low and warm. "Hi, baby."
The simple endearment makes your eyes sting. You swallow hard, trying to keep your voice steady. âHi. Are you alone?â
âYeah. Just got back to my room a few minutes ago.â Thereâs a rustle of fabric on his end, like heâs settling back against the pillows. âHow was dinner with Josh?â
"Not great."
Seungcheol is quiet for a beat, reading the tone in your voice immediately. âTalk to me. What happened?â
âWe started off fine,â you say softly. âTalking about the race and dad and stuff. He brought up the podium with you today and said it felt weird."
I figured it might. I wasnât trying to make a big statement. I just felt like it was old times, I guess, I don't know. It was a good fight."
âI know that,â you whisper. âBut he didnât see it that way. He started talking about Singapore again. Suzuka. All of the crashes. I suggested that maybe progress is good and how I miss you guys being close and he did not like that."
"Didn't like it how?"
"Didn't like that suddenly it felt like I was going easy on you and thought it was weird I was trying to recommend being friends again."
Seungcheol stays silent for a moment. You can almost picture him running a hand through his hair, jaw clenched the way it does when heâs processing something difficult. You hear him shift on the other end, blowing out a sigh.
âWhat did you tell him?â he asks eventually.
âI said we used to be friends and that it would be nice if some of that could come back, even if it's not the same. He shut it down hard, Cheol. Said you two will never be friends again after what happened in Singapore and after you⊠you know."
âFuck,â he mutters. âI really fucked that night up, didnât I?â
You donât answer right away. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you stare at the ceiling.
âIâm sorry,â Seungcheol says. âI hate that youâre stuck in the middle again. Thatâs the last thing I want.â
"He's just stubborn. I think he hides behind the anger because the hurt is so bad. After that, the conversation kind of spiraled. He asked about me oversleeping and how distracted I've been and I was honest about struggling as his manager."
"What did he say?"
âHe thought I was saying I regret supporting him. That I want out. We ended up arguing about it."
Seungcheol is quiet for a long moment. You can hear him breathing, steady but heavy. Then, "Do you want me to come over?"
"No," you murmur. "Everything just feels really out of balance right now. Hearing your voice is nice, though."
âYou know I meant what I said last night, right?" The softness of his voice makes your throat tighten. "About not making you choose. About wanting you to figure out what you want. If you need space from the manager role, from constantly putting everyone else first I'll support that. If you need space from me, if you don't want to do this, I'll support that too."
It makes you cry. You hear him make a sound on the other end of the phone, like hearing you cry breaks something in him. He murmurs your name softly, the ache in his voice evident as you sniff into the phone, wiping your eyes.
"Sorry, you're just," you sniff again. "Stop being nice."
"You want me to stop being nice?"
"Yes!"
He hums. "I'll think about it. What do you need, baby?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm just scared. But I don't want to do the space thing with you. I really don't. I know that."
"Okay. Then we'll just figure it out a little at a time, okay?"
"Okay."
After a while, the conversation drifts into softer territory. He teases you gently about how fast you ran out of his room this morning. You laugh despite everything, telling him heâs lucky you didnât trip in the hallway. He promises to set an alarm the next time, and the promise of next time warms you.
Eventually, Seungcheolâs voice grows softer. âYou should try to get some sleep. Tomorrowâs another long day of travel."
âOkay.â
âI love you. Weâll figure this out. Whatever it takes.â
âI love you too,â you whisper back.
You stay on the phone a little longer, listening to each other breathe until your eyes grow heavy. When you finally hang up, the room feels a little less empty.
-
SMALL CHAPEL OUTSIDE LOS ANGELES | LATE 2021
Rain falls steadily outside, each droplet clinging to the trees and the sea of black umbrellas heading into the chapel. It's not the dramatic downpour of Suzuka or Miami, but it feels heavier. The air smells of wet earth, damp stone, and the faint sweetness of the white lilies arranged in heavy clusters around the altar.
Inside the chapel is warm but somber. Soft, grey light filters through the stained-glass windows, casting muted colors across the polished wooden pews. Candles flicker on tall stands, their flames trembling slightly with every quiet movement. The scent of melting wax mingles with the heavy perfume of flowers and it feels suffocating.
You sit in the front pew, shoulder pressed tightly against Joshuaâs. Your black dress feels too formal, too stiff against your skin, and your hand is twisting fiercely with your brothers, knuckles aching with how hard he squeezes your hand. He hasn't let go since you've arrived. Neither of you speaks much - words feel inadequate. You've already said your piece to begin the funeral, and now it's just the murmured words of the pastor and old friends of your father.
Joshuaâs eyes are red-rimmed but dry for the moment, his jaw locked in that familiar way he gets when he is trying desperately to hold himself together. He wears a simple black suit, the tie slightly crooked because he wouldn't let you fix it earlier. You lean your head against his shoulder, breathing in the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the rain that clung to his coat. He has always been your constant. Even as kids, when your father dragged him karting, Joshua was the one who made sure you had snacks, who let you ride on his back when you got tired, who kept you entertained on long trips.
Your fatherâs casket rests at the front, closed and draped with a simple white cloth and a single wreath of green leaves and white roses. Photos of him line the altar. You can barely look at them, honestly, but you remember each one in clear detail: him smiling proudly in the pit lane with young Joshua and Seungcheol in their karting suits, him with an arm around your shoulders at your high school graduation, him laughing in the garage with grease on his cheek and that clipboard always in hand.
Your father was the steady heartbeat of your world, a man who taught Joshua how to brake late and trust his instincts, who taught you how to read telemetry and st and tall in rooms full of powerful men. A man who believed so fiercely in you and his boys that he dedicated his life to you.
A quiet sob escapes you. Joshua immediately turns, wrapping his free arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer. "I've got you."
Seungcheol takes your other hand and rests it on his thigh. He arrived quietly and slid into the pew without a word, but the moment he sat down, his presence became an anchor. His broad frame is tense beneath his black suit jacket, dark hair neatly combed though a few strands have fallen forward.
The three of you sit together like you once did years ago in hotel rooms and airport terminals, a unit knit by grief. For a brief second, it feels like the old days, when the three of you were inseparable and your father was the steady heartbeat keeping you all together.
When it is time for eulogies, Joshua stands first. He reluctantly releases your hand, but Seungcheolâs hand stays wrapped around your fingers, grounding you while your brother walks to the front. Joshuaâs voice is steady at the beginning, but it wavers as he speaks about the man who taught him everything.
âHe gave us everything,â Joshua says, eyes flickering to you and Seungcheol. âAnd he never asked for anything back except that we chase our dreams with everything we have.â
When Joshua returns to the pew, his legs seem unsteady. You rise immediately and pull him into a tight hug so he can bury his face in your shoulder. Seungcheol stands and grips the both of you, pulling you both into his chest, arms holding you as close as possible with the same steady grip you've always known.
After the service, as people begin to file out into the rain, the three of you linger near the entrance. Joshua keeps one arm around your shoulders while Seungcheol stays close on your other side, his hand resting lightly at the small of your back as you step outside.
The drizzle has eased into a fine mist as the three of you form a small protective bubble from the world with your umbrellas.
"You're the only family I have left," Joshua says, looking at you and then to Seungcheol. "Both of you. It's us until the end, okay?"
Both of you nod and Joshua takes a deep breath, like the confirmation is what he needed to hear. As the rain continues to fall softly, you remain between your brother and Seungcheol, the three of you united in grief and whatever comes next.
-
SILVERSTONE CIRCUIT | 2025
POST-QUALIFYING
306.19KM | 52 LAPS
A grey sky hangs low over Silverstone, a shifting canvas of dark purples and gray that threaten rain. The air is heavy with the scent of damp grass and hot rubber as you cross the wet pavement and enter the hospitality suite on autopilot, tablet clutched in one hand. The suite is bustling with people and staff, the air conditioning too cold against your rain-damp skin. Outside the windows, the paddock is alive with movement as Mercedes prepares for its home race.
The past few weeks have been a delicate balancing act. Since Barcelona, you and Seungcheol have barely had any real time together. Stolen moments are all you can manage, quick brushes of hand in hallways, stolen kisses in a media room that's empty, a single sweaty night at the hotel in Austria. Each meeting leaves you buzzing with warmth, but the fear of what you're doing always lingers.
It also makes things more complicated. The more energy you pour into trying to ensure you have brief moments with Seungcheol, the more the cracks start to appear in everything else you do, especially with Joshua.
The list doesn't make you proud. A forgotten sponsor call, a missed minor media scheduling adjustment in Hungary, a late show to a briefing because you were trying to get dressed in a hotel room after a morning shower with Seungcheol that went far too long.
Joshua has noticed. The easy rhythm you once shared has gone strained and brittle, each conversation and meeting with your brother stiff and tense in the way only siblings who are fighting can fully understand.
Today's qualifying didn't help. Joshua had finished qualifying with a solid P4, but it isn't good enough for the home race and it certainly isn't good enough for him. His post-qualifying interview had been uncharacteristically sharp and clipped, and he'd snapped at a reporter who pressed him about team dynamics with Seungcheol.
You spot him the moment you step deeper into the hospitality suite, standing near the back, his arms crossed tightly over his chest as he stares out at the circuit with a stormy expression. His hair is still damp from the quick shower after quali, and the lines around his mouth are drawn tight.
You approach carefully, eyeing him warily. "Josh."
He turns, and the look he gives you is equal parts exhaustion and frustration. âThere you are. Finally.â
The tone stings. You set your tablet down on a nearby table. âI was handling the media fallout from the interview. It wasnât great, but we can spin it. You were just being honest about the pressure.â
âHonest?â Joshua lets out a short, bitter laugh. âI sounded like an asshole. And you werenât even there to pull me out of it in time. Thatâs your job, right?â
"I'm not your PR team nor am I your baby sitter. You know how to handle media. Don't take it out on me. I was dealing with other things."
âThatâs the problem lately,â he says, voice rising slightly. A few heads turn in your direction before politely looking away. âYouâre never where I need you to be. You forgot the sponsor briefing in France. You were late to a call yesterday. If you're going to hate being my manager, fine, hate it. But don't fucking suck at it."
"I don't hate being your manager, you ass," you snap back. "I'm doing my best here. The season is long. Everyone is tired. I'm juggling a lot. I told you. Don't throw it back in my fucking face."
"Well it's hard to tell if you just don't give a shit anymore. Is this about what we talked about in Barcelona? About you feeling lost? Because if youâre pulling away, at least be honest with me.â
His words cut deep, reopening the wound from that tense dinner. You open your mouth to respond when a familiar voice cuts through the tension from behind you. âEasy, Josh.â
Seungcheol appears at the edge of the conversation, still in his team polo, hair slightly tousled. He must have come straight from his own media duties. His presence is instinctive, and it sends a jolt through you. He steps closer, positioning himself slightly between you and your brother without fully blocking either of you.
"You guys are arguing in front of literally everyone," Seungcheol says. "You don't need to raise your voice at your sister."
Joshuaâs expression hardens instantly. "Stay out of this, Choi. This doesn't remotely concern you."
âIâm not the one raising my voice at her after sheâs been running herself ragged for you all weekend. Sheâs not your punching bag.â
âFunny coming from you,â Joshua fires back, stepping forward. âThe guy whoâs been making her life hell for over a year. Now you want to play knight in shining armor? Give me a break.â
Engineers and staff exchange uneasy glances, pretending to focus on their laptops while clearly listening. You stand frozen between them, heart pounding. It's like everything is happening in slow motion again, the same arguments, you between them.
âEnough!â
Elias Königâs sharp voice cuts through the room like a knife. The team principal strides over from the other side of the suite, his polished demeanor cracking with visible irritation. He places a firm hand on each driverâs shoulder, physically separating them.
âMy office. Both of you. Now,â Elias orders, voice cold and authoritative. âWe do not do this in front of the team. Not today.â
Joshua glares at Seungcheol one last time before storming off. Seungcheol hesitates, his eyes finding yours for a split second, filled with apology, before he follows. Elias shoots you a concerned look.
"I know," you sigh, running a hand over your face. "I don't know what to do with them."
"You are doing the best you can." He turns. "My turn to do the best I can."
You remain rooted to the spot, fists clenched at your sides, fury bubbling hot in your veins. Livid does not even begin to cover it. At Joshua for lashing out. At Seungcheol for intervening when you didn't ask him to. At yourself for letting the cracks widen in the first place.
The ride back to the hotel is agonizingly lonely. You sit in the back of a team car by yourself, the English countryside blurring past the tinted windows under the darkening sky while you scroll on your phone, wincing. It's just like old times, snippets of the tension between Mercedees being leaked and blasted online.
Sources say Mercedes garage tension is boiling over again. Looks like podium love from Spain didn't last long.
Old wounds reopening at Silverstone? Home race is bringing the drama for Mercedees.
You scroll through them with trembling fingers, each stupid comment and post feeling like another crack in a fragile world you're trying to hold together. The secret moments with Seungcheol have come at a cost. You are giving pieces of yourself to him, and the pieces you once gave so freely to Joshua are slipping through your fingers.
Tears prick at your eyes as the car pulls up to the hotel. The weight of your fatherâs absence feels heavier tonight, the memory of sitting between Joshua and Seungcheol at the funeral flashing unbidden in your mind. Back then, things hadn't been easy but they hadn't felt like this.
You just don't know what to do.
-
SILVERSTONE CIRCUIT | 2025
RACE DAY
306.19KM | 52 LAPS
Strong wind snaps across the Northamptonshire countryside, carrying the sharp scent of fresh-cut grass and damp asphalt. The grandstands are packed with fans with Mercedes flags and chanting, uncaring that the sky promises cold rain.
You stand in the garage, headset clamped over one ear, tablet clutched in both hands like a lifeline. Your stomach has been in knots since last nightâs blow-up in the hospitality suite. Joshua has barely spoken to you this morning, the pre-race ritual completely absent. He moved through his preparations with a cold, focused intensity that left little room for you, though you'd tried to approach. He'd simply brushed you off and you let him. Race day is more important than getting what you have to say off your chest.
The distance hurts more than you expected.
Seungcheol, on the other hand, has been sending you careful, soft glances whenever he thinks no one is watching. A quick brush of his fingers against yours when he passed you earlier, a soft nod of encouragement when you look at him, at a loss of what to do.
The formation lap begins. The two silver Mercedes cars roll out with Joshua starting from P4, Seungcheol from P3 after a strong qualifying recovery. The crowd roars as the field lines up on the grid. You watch the monitors with your heart in your throat.
Then its lights out.
Seungcheol gets a strong start, diving aggressively into Turn 1, capitalizing on hesitation from Red Bull in front of him. Joshua holds position cleanly but is already fighting for space in the tight midfield pack. From the very first lap, it is clear Seungcheol is on point today, working the leaders as he chases them down.
Lap after lap, Seungcheol climbs, the crowd screaming as the silver arrow slices through the wind. By lap 12 he is in the lead. The radio crackles with his engineerâs calm praise, but you can hear the barely-contained elation in Seungcheolâs voice when he responds.
âCar feels incredible today," Seungcheol notes. "Let's go for it."
Joshuaâs race, by contrast, begins to unravel. He struggles with balance in the high-speed sections, losing time on corner exits. A slow pit stop on lap 18 drops him further back, and by lap 31, disaster strikes. Joshuaâs rear tires lose grip on a patch of wind-blown grass and he spins on a quick right hand turn, the Mercedes snapping sideways before slamming into the barrier with a crunch.
You suck in a gasp, but Joshua is already reporting that he's okay before you can let it back out. The car is done, though, and your heart sinks as you watch him climb out on the monitors, helmet on, shoulders rigid with anger. He storms back toward the garage on foot, refusing the ride. You want to go to him immediately, but you stay grounded to your spot.
Joshua says nothing to you when you enter the garage. You start to walk toward him but he shoulders past, going down the hall with his helmet still on before he slams the door of his room. You swallow, unsure if you should follow him. Wonwoo shoots you a soft look and shakes his head, a rare moment of pity from Seungcheol's manager.
Meanwhile, Seungcheol is in command of the race. He defends the lead masterfully, managing his tires with clinical precision while still pushing when needed. When he crosses the finish line in P1, it's no surprise. The garage erupts in cheers, mechanics clapping each other on the back, jumping and shouting as the race comes to an end.
The team starts to empty out, heading to the podium to celebrate. You stand there, unsure of your place without Joshua. It's Wonwoo who taps you on the elbow and beckons you, shrugging his shoulders as if to say what else are you going to do? You give him a small, grateful smile and walk with him, the silence for once not charged with annoyance.
You smile, crossing your arms over your chest as they let him go to head up for the podium ceremony. You don't expect it when Seungcheol pivots, ripping off his helmet to tuck it under his head and job right toward you. For a split second, the world disappears. The elation of his face, raw, bright and uncontrollable, overrides everything else as you grin at him.
Before you can react, before you can even process what is happening, Seungcheol cups your face with both hands and kisses you. His lips are warm, tasting of salt from the sweat, and for a single, blissful section, you forget where you are and let him kiss you, your hand going to his race suit briefly.
Then reality crashes in.
Seungcheol pulls back suddenly, eyes wide with shock as he realizes what he has just done in front of the entire garage, the cameras, the world. His hands drop from your face like he has been burned.
"Shit," he sweats. "Fuck oh shit fuck, I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry."
The world turns to the chaos of cameras flashing, phones snapping photos and reporters buzzing. Among the noise, you stand frozen, heart hammering so loudly you can barely hear anything else. our lips still tingle from the kiss. Seungcheol looks at you with raw panic and regret.
"I'm sorry," he says again, the terror real.
"It's okay," you whisper, though it's really not. "Podium. Now."
He nods, giving you a final look before he turns and jogs toward the podium. You barely have time to process before you are walking back into the main garage on shaky legs, hand covering your mouth as you try to process the weight of what just happened. Seungcheol hadn't even thought about what he was doing, so happy that he'd just instinctively done it.
You can't blame him. But you feel the storm in the garage before you even turn the corner, the crackling energy of your brother planted in the middle of the garage waiting for you when you walk in, still in a daze. The moment he sees you, his expression twists into something raw.
âWhat the fuck was that?â he demands, voice loud enough that several mechanics find somewhere else to be.
"Josh-"
"After everything? There is no fucking way."
"Let me explain!"
"There is nothing to explain. He takes everything from me! Sponsors, fans, attention, wins. My sister. That's why you've been a fucking disaster, oh my god."
The garage descends into complete chaos. People pretend to work but are clearly listening. You feel heat flood your face, a mix of embarrassment, guilt, and rising anger.
âHe didnât take me,â you snap back, voice shaking but growing louder. âI chose this. I chose him. Because for once in my life I wanted something that was mine. Not yours, not the teamâs, not Dadâs dream. Mine."
"Oh for fuck's sake."
"Why can't you get that?"
âBecause he always wins!â Joshua shouts. âHe wins on track, he wins the crowd, he wins the narrative, he wins you. Do you have any idea how it feels?"
"Yes!" You screech. "Because I never win! I give up everything all the time to benefit everyone else and I'm losing all of the time! So yes, I know how it fucking feels, Josh. I was mad too. I was upset with him too. But I'm tired of hating someone who was - is - family to us."
"He is not our family. I am your family."
âYou hide your hurt with hate!â you scream, tears spilling over. âEvery time something goes wrong, you turn it into anger at him instead of dealing with it. You push everyone away, including me. I have spent my entire life choosing you, protecting you, managing your career, and the one time I choose something for myself, you act like Iâve betrayed you!â
The argument escalates into pure screaming. Joshua is red in the face, years of pain and anger pouring out of him. Gone is the collected, perfect racer everyone knows. Gone is the polished golden boy of Mercedes, replaced with the angry, hurt driver who has done nothing but shove his feelings down down down.
Seungcheol walks in, still flushed from the podium, champagne soaked and glowing with victory. You and Joshua pause, looking at Seungcheol as he freezes. His face falls when he sees the look on your face and he swallows, straightening his shoulders.
"Josh-"
"You couldn't help yourself, could you?" Joshua asks, shaking his head. "Had to take one more thing from me. That's all you do, Choi. You take and you don't care what it fucking costs anyone else."
Seungcheol steps forward, hands raised. âJosh, I didnât mean for it to happen like that. I was caught up in the moment-"
âYouâve been caught up in trying to steal my sister for months. Congratulations. You finally got what you wanted.â
The two men start shouting at each other, old wounds reopening in real time, both of them yelling over each other as you begin to scream at Joshua for overriding your feelings. It's a childish display - you know it is. But you're tired of bottling up how you feel for the sake of everyone else and it pours out of you, the exact mirror to Joshua.
âENOUGH!â
Elias Königâs voice booms through the garage like thunder, making you all flinch as he storms in. Everyone freezes - even the other mechanics from other garages who have been watching the spiral in Mercedes garage.
âAll of you," Elias orders, pointing a finger at the three of you. "Out of my garage right now. I donât care where you go, but you will leave this space immediately. Sleep on it. We will deal with this tomorrow when cooler heads prevail. This is not how we conduct ourselves at Mercedes.â
Mechanics and engineers scatter quickly. Joshua glares at both of you one last time, jaw clenched so tight it looks painful. "Fuck this."
Without another word, he storms out of the garage alone, shoulders rigid, refusing to look back at you. The sound of his footsteps echoes harshly before disappearing into the paddock noise. You stand there, chest heaving, heart hammering. Seungcheol hesitates only for a second before moving toward you. He gently takes your arm, his touch careful but insistent.
âCome on,â he says softly.
You donât resist. You let him guide you out of the garage, his hand steady on your lower back as you both slip through a side exit away from the worst of the cameras. The British evening air feels cold against your face, the distant roar of the crowd still celebrating Seungcheolâs home win echoing faintly, but all you can hear is the sound of your brotherâs broken voice accusing you of betrayal.
Seungcheol leads you toward one of the team cars waiting in a quieter area. He opens the door for you and slides in after, telling the driver to head straight to the hotel. Once the doors are closed and the car begins moving, the full weight of what just happened crashes over you.
"I'm so sorry," he says, turning toward you. âI wasnât thinking. The win, the adrenaline⊠I saw you and everything else disappeared. I never meant to put you in that position.â
You squeeze his hand tightly. I know. But Joshua is devastated. He thinks youâre taking everything from him. Sponsors, fans, wins, me. It's⊠I didn't know he felt that way."
"I didn't either. I hate that this is hurting him."
You lean your head against his shoulder as the car winds through the Silverstone countryside. The guilt, the love, the anger, and the exhaustion swirl together until you feel raw and hollow.
âI donât know how to fix this,â you whisper. âHe stormed out without me. He wouldnât even look at me.â
Seungcheol presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his arm wrapping around you. "It's time I talked to your brother. For now, just weather the storm, alright?"
"Yeah," you murmur hollowly. "I guess."
-
KARTING TRACK SOMEWHERE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE | 2017
The late afternoon sun hangs low over the karting circuit, painting the asphalt in warm gold and long shadows while the distant buzz of karts still practicing on the main track mixes with the sound of crickets starting their evening chorus. This is one of the smaller, regional tracks the three of you frequent. It's nothing glamorous, but it's a simple layout with tight hairpins and a long back straight to make good practice.
It's a warm summer evening, and right now, you and your brother are in the middle of a full-blowing screaming match behind the awning of the sleeper van your dad rented for the weekend.
âI told you to lift earlier in Turn 6!â you shout, arms crossed tightly over your chest. Your cheeks are flushed with anger and the exertion of running back and forth all day. âYou went in way too hot again and spun it! Thatâs the third time today!â
Joshua throws his helmet down on the folding chair with a loud clatter, his racing suit half unzipped, hair sweaty and sticking up in a bunch of different directions. âMaybe if you actually timed the sectors right instead of daydreaming, I wouldn't spin out!"
âI wasnât daydreaming!â you snap back. âI was dealing with the stupid timing app that kept glitching because you spilled an energy drink on the tablet yesterday!â
âThat was an accident!â
âEverything's been an accident with you lately!â
The fight has been building all afternoon. Joshua has been off his game, pushing too hard and making sloppy mistakes, refusing to listen to feedback from both you and your dad. You have been exhausted from trying to keep up with both boysâ schedules, schoolwork, and helping your dad with logistics. The smaller frustrations have snowballed into something bigger, the way they always do when the two of you are tired and stressed.
Seungcheol leans against the side of the van a few meters away, arms loosely crossed, watching the two of you with a familiar mix of amusement and concern. His own karting suit is still zipped to the top, helmet tucked under his arm. Even at seventeen, he already carries that quiet confidence that makes people listen when he speaks.
Joshua gestures sharply at you. âYouâre supposed to be on my side, not acting like Dadâs second-in-command all the time!â
âI am on your side!â you yell back. âThatâs why Iâm telling you what youâre doing wrong! If I just clapped and said oh yeah great job Josh every time you spun it, youâd never get any better!â
âYou always think you know best!â
âBecause sometimes I do!â
The words hang in the air and Joshua's Joshuaâs face twists with hurt and anger. For a moment, it looks like he might say something even meaner, but instead he just turns away, shoulders tight, breathing hard.
You feel the sting of tears behind your eyes but refuse to let them fall. This is how you and Joshua fight, loud and honest and sometimes, brutally direct. You've been doing it since you were little - he pushes, you push back harder.
Seungcheol pushes off the trailer and walks over, sighing. He stops between the two of you, not quite in the middle, but close enough that both of you have to acknowledge him.
âAlright,â he says calmly, voice low and steady. âBoth of you, take a breath.â
Joshua glares at him. âStay out of it, Cheol.â
âIâm not staying out of it,â Seungcheol replies evenly. âYou two are fighting like this is the last race of the championship and someone cheated. Itâs just practice. On a random Tuesday.â
âHeâs not listening to me,â you mutter, wiping at your eyes angrily.
âAnd sheâs acting like Iâm an idiot who canât drive,â Joshua shoots back.
Seungcheol sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. He hates stepping between the two of you, but he's always been good at it, this being a buffer between siblings when fights get too heated. He's a natural leader, and he's good at diffusing the tension.
He turns to Joshua first. âYou went in too hot. Sheâs right about that. But she couldâve told you without sounding like she was scolding a little kid.â Then he looks at you. âAnd youâre doing too much. Youâre trying to be the timer, the strategist, the manager, and the sister all at once. Heâs not going to hear you when youâre this wound up.â
Both of you stay silent, breathing heavily, glaring at the ground. Seungcheol steps closer to Joshua and places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing once. Joshua melts a little, the fight going out of him as he nods at his best friend.
"You know what you're doing, Josh," Seungcheol murmurs. "But youâre also stubborn as hell. Sometimes you need to listen when she tells you something. She's trying to help."
When he turns to you, its hard not to pout. Seungcheol's gaze softens, doing something to your stomach that feels like butterflies when he smirks, shaking his head. "You're allowed to be tired, but we're a time. It's not just you versus the world. Josh is on your team too."
The tension in your shoulders slowly loosens. Seungcheol has always had this effect, grounding both of you without taking sides. Joshua kicks at a pebble on the ground, still sulking but no longer vibrating with anger.
Finally, he looks at you. "I hate when it feels like you're disappointed in me."
âIâm not disappointed,â you say quietly, voice thick. âIâm scared youâre going to hurt yourself pushing like that. And I hate watching you spin when I know you can do better.â
The anger drains from his face, replaced by exhaustion and something vulnerable. He steps forward and pulls you into a rough hug, arms wrapping tightly around your shoulders. You hug him back just as hard, burying your face in his chest.
âIâm sorry,â he mumbles into your hair. âI know Iâve been an ass today.â
âYou have,â you mutter, but thereâs no heat left in it. âBut Iâm sorry too. I was being mean instead of helpful.â
After a long moment, Joshua pulls back but keeps his hands on your shoulders. His eyes are serious now, the kind of serious he only gets when itâs just the two of you.
âI know I rely on you too much,â he says quietly. âYou do so much for me. Sometimes it feels like youâre the only person truly in my corner. Like no matter what happens on track, youâve always got my back. So when you're on the opposite side, it feels terrifying."
"I'm always in your corner, even when we're disagreeing. Even when youâre being stubborn and Iâm being bossy. That doesnât change. Iâm your sister first. Always. I might get frustrated, I might push you because I want you to be better, but I will never not be on your side.â
Joshuaâs eyes glisten. He nods once, swallowing hard, then pulls you into another tight hug. Seungcheol steps closer and ruffles both of your heads affectionately, breaking the heavy moment with his usual easy warmth.
âSee? That wasnât so hard,â he teases lightly. âNow can we please go get some chips from the corner store before your dad comes over here and yells at us for fighting?"
You roll your eyes, but the familiar banter feels like coming home. The three of you start walking toward the corner store together, you in the middle, Joshua on your right, Seungcheol on your left, shoulders bumping, voices already rising in playful arguments about lap times and who owes who snacks.
Like that, the fight is over. Easy and simple, the three of you against the world.
-
OXFORD, ENGLAND | 2025
TWO DAYS AFTER SILVERSTONE
The rain has been falling steadily since yesterday, a soft, persistent drizzle that turns the world outside your window into muted greens and grays. Your apartment in Oxford is quiet except for the low hum of the refrigerator and the occasional distant sound of traffic on the wet streets below. It's a nice place, a two-story apartment with tall windows overlooking a quiet residential street lined with bicycles and overflowing window boxes. You like the calm here during the season, but sometimes you miss the ocean spray of Los Angeles, a place that feels light years away.
Today, the calm feels suffocating. You haven't spoken to Joshua in two days. Not since the screaming match in the Mercedes garage at Silverstone. Not since he stormed out alone while you left with Seungcheol. The silence between you is heavier than any argument you have ever had, and you don't know how to bridge the gap. You'd called him a single time yesterday, but he hadn't picked up. You were almost glad, cause you weren't sure what to say.
Headlines and social media clips have exploded since Seungcheolâs impulsive kiss after his home win. You try to avoid the headlines, but they're impossible to miss. Mercedes Teammates' Sister Caught in the Middle. Secret Romance or Public Breakdown at Silverstone?
Your name is everywhere, photos of the kiss circulating alongside old images of you and Joshua together, and worse, old clips of you and Seungcheol, every interaction you've had since you were teens under scrutiny. You've spent hours fielding damage-control calls from the Mercedes PR team, trying to keep sponsors calm while your personal life implodes in public, all while enduring the silence from your brother.
Seungcheol's absence is just as bad, though he's far from silent. The team has kept both drivers under tight media control and separate schedules since the incident, but he's been your lifeline through texts and late-night phone calls, dropping you sweet messages that make you smile through the distress. You cling to those messages like a raft in rough water, but they cannot fix the growing chasm between you and your brother.
The glass of wine in front of you is empty. It did nothing to dull the stress, but it doesn't matter. You have insane amounts of work to get through while you sit on the floor at your coffee table. Meeting agendas, sponsor contracts, media schedules, and damage-control notes are spread out in messy piles around you. You've been trying to work and stay productive as a distraction, but it's been borderline impossible.
Your phone buzzes with another notification. You ignore it and instead, open your email, hoping for something routine to distract you. To your surprise, something does as you click the email open, scanning it.
Subject: Opportunity - Executive Role at Apex Management
Ms. Hong,
I hope this email finds you well, despite the understandably turbulent few days in the paddock.
My name is Elena Moreau, and I'm the founding partner of Apex Management, a new venture launching later this year. We are building a specialized management company dedicated exclusively to motorsport athletes with a focus in Formula 1, Formula 2, IndyCar, and emerging talent across other smaller, local series.
After following your work closely over the past several years, we believe you would be an exceptional fit for a senior leadership role within our organization. Specifically, we are looking for someone to serve as Head of Manager Development and Portfolio Strategy. In this position, you would:
- Design and lead training programs for new driver managers, teaching best practices in media relations, sponsor management, crisis handling, and long-term career planning.
- Oversee a portfolio of high-profile drivers, providing strategic guidance at the highest level.
- Help shape the overall direction of the company, creating systems that genuinely support drivers beyond race weekends - addressing mental health, personal branding, financial planning, and work-life balance.
- Your hands-on experience managing a top-tier Formula 1 driver through complex team dynamics, intense media scrutiny, and high-stakes sponsorship environments makes you uniquely qualified. We are particularly impressed by how you have balanced fierce advocacy with genuine care, which I believe are qualities that are rare in this industry.
- We understand the current timing is sensitive. This is not a formal offer yet, but we would love to discuss the role in more detail at your earliest convenience. The position would allow significant flexibility, including the possibility of continuing select private client work if desired.
Please let me know if you are open to a confidential conversation. We are very excited about the possibility of bringing your expertise to Apex and helping us continue to overtake the competition.
Best regards,
Elena Moreau
Founding Partner
Apex Driver Management
You read the email twice, heart beating faster with each pass. It's an incredible opportunity you don't expect, the kind of role that would let you step out of the shadow of being Joshua's Manager-Sister and into something that is entirely your own. You could train others, build systems, shape how the next generation of drivers are supported. You could finally use every hard-earned skill you have developed, not for just one person, but at a larger scale.
For a few quiet moments, you let yourself imagine it. The freedom. The challenge. The chance to build something meaningful instead of constantly putting out fires.
Then the guilt crashes in.
How could you even consider leaving Joshua right now? After Silverstone? After everything that has happened? After your father trusted you to take care of him? You rub your temples, staring at the email until the words start to blur. A sharp knock on the front door jolts you out of your thoughts just as you think you're going to throw up.
Your heart leaps into your throat as you clambour to your feet. You're not expecting anyone, and you wonder if its. Mrs. Kindkaid again asking if you've seen her cat Pumpkin, which you have not. It isn't your fault Pumpkin likes to escape Mrs. Kinkaid's stuffy apartment and-
It's Joshua.
He stands in front of the door, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his dark hoodie, shoulders slightly hunched against the rain. You unlock the door without thinking, yanking the door open to get him in and out of the cold rain, not wanting him to catch a cold before Hungary.
"Get in," you order. "You cannot get sick right now."
He sighs, stepping out of the rain and into the warmth of your apartment. He shakes the rain from his hoodie, lowering the hood to reveal damp hair. Joshua looks at you for a long moment, eyes searching yours, and the silent stretches for a moment.
"Can we talk?" He asks finally. "I'm not here to fight."
You nod and he strides into the living room, familiar with the space. Though you only live here during season, Joshua has been here plenty of times, often preferring to crash here after a meal made by you to staying at his own apartment.
Joshua stands in the middle of your living room, eyes scanning the mess of papers and your open laptop before finally settling on you. His expression is tired, eyes rimmed with exhaustion, but there is no anger left in them.
âIâm sorry I ignored your call,â he says quietly, voice rough. âI needed time to think. Everything happened so fast at Silverstone, and I didn't know how to handle it."
You nod slowly, pushing off the door. âIâve been going out of my mind. Two days of silence from you is hard."
He winces. âI know. Iâm sorry.â
You gesture toward the couch. âDo you want to sit?â
He sits on one end of the couch while you take the floor again, knees pulled up to your chest, the familiar position somehow comforting. For a long moment, you both just breathe.
âI didnât mean to scream at you like that,â Joshua starts, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. âSeeing him kiss you in front of everyone felt like the last piece of control I had was ripped away. Like he was taking you from me too."
âI know it looked bad. But Cheol didnât plan that. He was high on adrenaline after the win. He saw me and⊠yeah. He apologized. It was just⊠poor timing, I guess. I wanted to talk to you first."
Joshua nods slowly, staring at his hands. âI believe you. But it still stung. Because for years now, itâs felt like heâs always winning. And I keep losing pieces of what used to be mine. What used to be ours.â
The raw honesty in his voice cracks something open inside you. Tears prick at your eyes as memories flood in, all the late nights in hotel rooms when you were kids, the three of you dreaming about Formula 1, your fatherâs proud smile watching both boys on the podium together.
"I'm not something he's taking, though. I'm a person. I chose him. Not to hurt you, but because for the first time in my life, I let myself want something that was just for me.â
I know that now. Iâve been thinking about what you said in Barcelona about feeling lost." He looks up, eyes watery. "About how youâve spent your whole life being my manager, my protector, my sister. Carrying everything after Dad died. Iâve been so focused on my own pain, on the rivalry with Cheol, that I stopped seeing how much you were carrying. How much youâve given up for me.â
You'd do it again in a heartbeat. Everytime you've chosen him, every race, every crisis. Joshua is your brother, a constant in your life that you'll never turn away from. He's the only family you have left beside Seungcheol, and the thought of him thinking you regret your choices or that you resent him eats you alive.
You reach out and place your hand over his. âI donât regret it."
"Thank god."
"It's hard, but it isn't awful. It's just⊠heavy. Seungcheol sees me for me. Not a sibling, not a manger, not a rival. Just me."
Joshua nods. "I think I get that now."
"You know I'll always be in your corner, right?" You ask, a tear spilling. "Even when we disagree. Even when Iâm angry. Even when Iâm choosing something for myself. That doesnât change. Youâre my brother. Youâre my family. Nothing and no one can take that away.â
Joshuaâs shoulders tremble. He pulls you up from the floor and onto the couch beside him, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. You bury your face in his shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with rain.
"I know," he sighs. "I know. I was mad and I'm an idiot and I know."
You stay like that for a long time, the rain continuing its steady rhythm against the windows. Eventually, Joshua pulls back just enough to look at you. There is something hesitant in his expression now.
"What?" You ask.
"Seungcheol came to talk to me."
You blink, surprised. âHe did?â
Joshua nods. âHe showed up at my hotel room that night. I almost slammed the door in his face, but he wouldnât leave. He said we needed to talk."
Your heart stutters. âWhat did he say?â
âHe apologized. Properly. Not just for the kiss, but for everything. Singapore. The crashes. The way he handled things. He told me heâs been in love with you for years, that he tried to ignore it because he didnât want to ruin our friendship or the team dynamic, but he couldnât anymore.â Joshua lets out a shaky breath. âHe said he knows heâs hurt me, and he knows heâs taken things from me on track, but that he never wanted to take you. He just couldnât keep pretending he didnât love you.â
"Oh."
Joshua laughs. "Oh, she says. Our best friend of over a decade confesses his love for her to me, and all she has to say is oh."
You slap him on the arm and he laughs, holding up his hands to defend himself. You let your hands drop in your lap, wondering how long Joshua made Seungcheol stand outside of his hotel room door. Seungcheol hadn't even mentioned he was talking to Joshua, which is something you'll be sure to pinch him for later.
âIâm not totally innocent in all of this,â Joshua admits. âIâve been carrying so much anger toward him that I stopped seeing clearly. I pushed him away first in some ways. I let the rivalry consume everything. And you were right, Iâve been hiding my hurt behind hate instead of dealing with it.â
"Sometimes I'm right."
He snorts. "Yeah, I've heard that before. I think above all I missed my best friend. I miss the guy I used to kart with. The one who stayed up all night with me dreaming about Formula 1. I donât know if itâll ever be the same again, but I want to try."
You feel a wave of relief so strong it makes you dizzy. âReally?"
"Yeah. Even if he's annoying."
"Can't argue with you there." He sighs, giving you a look. "What now?"
"As your brother, I want the best for you. And after listening to Cheol talk about how much he loves you, I realized that the best for you might actually be him. Iâve known he was in love with you since we were kids. I told myself he would never do anything about it, and I didnât want to upset the dynamic between the three of us. But I see now how it was eating away at him."
You let out a shaky laugh through your tears. âYouâve known this whole time?â
âYeah,â he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. âIâm sorry I made it harder for you.â
âIâm sorry too,â you whisper. âFor not being honest with you sooner. For letting the secrets build up.â
You lean forward and pull him into another hug, staying wrapped like that for a long moment before you glance at your laptop and you see the email open from Elene Moreau. You hesitate for a second, indecision flicking through you, then you decide to take the leap.
"I want to show you something," you sniff, leaning to grab the computer. "got an email today. From a company starting a new management firm specifically for motorsport drivers. They want me for a senior role. Training new managers, overseeing big portfolios, shaping how drivers are supported beyond the track.â
"No shit? Show me."
You do, elated that he meets it with genuine excitement, immediately flooding you with questions you don't know how to answer. It makes you laugh, both of you sliding to the floor to start looking up the company and what they do. It's impressive, for a start up, and though its something new and foreign, you feel a familiar excitement ignite inside of you, the promise of something that could maybe be yours.
"You should reach out to her," Joshua says eventually.
âReally?"
âReally.â He smiles, small but genuine. âYou deserve to have something thatâs yours. And if it means youâre not managing me full-time anymore, we'll figure it out. You've carried me long enough."
Joshua pulls you into one final, tight hug. For the first time in days, the weight on your chest feels a little lighter, and Joshua feels less like a client and more like your brother.
"Thank you," you murmur into his shoulder.
"Of course. You're my sister. I want the world for you."
-
CIRCUIT DE SPA-FRANCORCHAMPS | 2025
NIGHT BEFORE THE RACE
308.052 KM | 44 LAPS
Cool air kisses the back of your neck, the earth scent of pine and rain heavy in the Belgian countryside. The air is misty just outside the private restaurant tucked away in a converted stone farmhouse, the exposed wooden beams and soft lighting make it feel warm despite the weather. Team Mercedes fills the space with loud laughter and cheering, shadows dancing in the low lights, a fire crackling in a stone hearth near the end of the table.
Seungcheol pours your wine from your right, leaning around you to listen to what Joshua is saying, brows raised. The rest of the team marvels, pleasantly surprised at the ease with which the three of you have decided to operate tonight.
"Car felt good," Joshua says. "Is that new wing of yours helping?"
âYeah, it does. Feels more planted on the exit. Your car was fast today. Think it'll do good on wet pavement if it rains tomorrow?"
"Yeah I think so."
You watch the exchange with quiet hope blooming in your chest. It's stilted and careful, but it's real talking with no shouting and no tense accusations. Just two teammates acknowledging each otherâs driving on one of the most demanding circuits in the world. The sight makes something tight in your chest finally begin to loosen.
Seungcheolâs hand finds yours under the table, his fingers lacing through yours, thumb stroking slow circles against your skin. He doesnât hide it. When Elias glances over, Seungcheol doesnât pull away. Instead, he lifts your joined hands and presses a soft kiss to the back of yours, right there in front of the team. Your cheeks warm, but the quiet smiles and knowing looks from a few senior engineers feel surprisingly kind rather than something bad.
Joshua notices but doesnât comment. Instead, he raises his glass slightly toward both of you. "To a clean race tomorrow."
Seungcheol clinks his glass against Joshuaâs without hesitation. âTo a clean race.â
The dinner continues with lighter conversation, stories from past races, jokes about the notorious weather, and even a few shared memories from karting days that make both men laugh. It is not perfect an awkward pause or two blooming between the two as they re-learn one another. But it feels nice.
By the time dessert arrives, everyone is loose with wine, Seungcheol's arm resting across the back of your chair, his fingers occasionally playing with the ends of your hair. Joshua watches the casual affection with a complicated expression, but there is no anger in it anymore. Only quiet acceptance mixed with lingering melancholy.
When the team begins to disperse, Seungcheol leans close to your ear. "Come back with me tonight? I've missed you."
You nod, heart fluttering. âYes.â
The ride back to the hotel is quiet, the card winding through the misty Ardennes roads, headlights cutting through the light fog. Seungcheol keeps his hand on your thigh, thumb tracing gentle patterns through your dress, and though the touch is simple, it sends warmth curling low in your belly.
Joshua wishes you both a good night, giving Seungcheol a single, narrow-eyed glance that says be nice to my sister before he vanishes up the elevator. Seungcheol smiles, pleased at this - pleased that it can be so easy now. You are too, feeling lighter than you have in months.
Once inside his hotel suite, the door barely clicks shut before Seungcheol pulls you into his arms. He kisses you slowly, his tongue lazy and hungry all at once, pouring weeks of stolen moments and restrained longing into every brush of his lips. His hands slide down your back, pulling you flush against him.
âIâve been thinking about this for days,â he whispers against your mouth. âJust you and me. No cameras. No screaming.â
You melt into him, fingers threading through his hair. âMe too.â
He walks you backward toward the bedroom, kissing you the entire way. He peels away your layers of clothing as he goes, the drag of his fingers on your sensitive skin maddening, sending a shiver up your spine. When you reach the bed, he lays you down carefully, his body covering yours as he kisses down your neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses across your skin.
You push gently at his shoulders until he rolls onto his back and he looks up at you with dark, hungry eyes, letting you straddle him with a wicked grin. You kiss your way across his chest, your teeth scraping skin, listening to him moan lightly when your tongue darts out to sooth the sting of your teeth. His skin is salty beneath your tongue, muscles jumping as you kiss down his stomach, singing to the floor between his thighs.
"You don't-"
The words die in his mouth when you palm him through his pants, squeezing his firm cock while your other hand unzips his pants. He helps you pull them off, his thick thighs twitched as you lean forward eagerly to drag your tongue up the underside of his shaft.
"Fuck, baby," he groans, hand going to the back of your head, not pushing but holding on, like he's trying to ground himself.
You take him into your mouth slowly, savoring the heavy weight of him on your tongue. You work him with long, deliberate strokes, licking, sucking and hollowing your cheeks as you take him deeper. Your lips stretch around him, the pinch at the corner of your mouth a sign that you're stretched to the limit, drool leaking from the corner of your lips as you work him.
âFuck, baby. You eel so good,â he rasps, voice wrecked. âSo perfect for me.â
You hum around him, the vibration making his thighs tense. You take your time, drawing it out until his breathing is ragged and his hand tightens gently in your hair. Eventually, he tugs you up gently, eyes blazing.
"Kiss me," he whispers, pulling you on top of him.
You do, tongues tangling as he sits up and shuffles you into his lap, his slick cock pressing against your heat. You groan, rolling your hips, feeling him slide against you, cockhead bumping your clit with each pass. He makes a wrecked sound before reaching between you, guiding the head of his cock to catch on your entrance, hesitating only a second before he presses in and you both gasp into each other's mouth.
Once heâs fully seated, he wraps his arms around you, holding you close in his lap. He rocks up into you with slow, deep rolls of his hips, grinding against that perfect spot inside you with every movement while you cling to his shoulders, forehead pressed to his.
âI love you,â he murmurs against your lips. âSo much.â
âI love you too,â you whisper back, rolling your hips to meet his slow thrusts.
He's deep, each stroke of his cock making you see stars, dizzy as you roll your hips into him, chests pressed together. His hands roam your back, your waist, your thighs, grounding you as you suck in a sharp breath, the pleasure nearly overwhelming.
Seungcheol shifts you both without warning, turning you on your side until he's behind you and one of his arms wraps around your waist while the other slides under your neck. He presses in again, the slide wet and hot, making you arch back into him, lashes fluttering. His thrusts remain slow while he presses wet kisses along your shoulder and the back of your neck.
âYou feel incredible,â he groans, voice low in your ear. "So fucking warm and tight."
You moan softly, pushing back against him, lost in the steady rhythm. His hand slides down to circle your clit with perfect pressure, drawing out your pleasure until youâre trembling in his arms. When you finally come, it's with the sound of his name in your mouth as you clench around him, squeezing hard. It makes him follow you shortly after, his hips stuttering before he buries himself to the hilt and spills inside you.
You stay like that for a long time afterward, trying to catch your breath, the room spinning. The room is quiet except for your shared, slowing breaths and the distant sound of rain beginning to fall on the Belgian countryside, the maddening thoughts and spiralling finally coming to an end.
"I finally feel happy," Seungcheol murmurs, voice sleepy. "You make me happy."
"You make me happy too."
Seungcheol presses a kiss to the back of your neck before drifting to sleep with you in his arms.
-
Subject: Re: Opportunity - Executive Role at Apex Management
Mrs. Moreau,
Thank you for reaching out and for your kind words. I apologize for the delayed response, my current driver certainly keeps me on my toes, as he has since we were kids.
I was genuinely surprised and flattered to receive your email. The vision you describe for Apex Driver Management is exciting and much needed in our industry. The opportunity to help shape manager training, oversee driver portfolios, and build better support systems for athletes resonates deeply with me. After years of hands-on experience managing a top-level driver through the unique pressures of Formula 1, I believe I could bring valuable perspective to this role.
I would very much like to schedule a confidential conversation to discuss the position in more detail. My schedule is quite full with the current race weekend, but I am available for a call early next week if that works for you.
Thank you again for thinking of me. I look forward to speaking soon.
Here is to overtaking the competition.
Part of the Light's Out collab hosted by @studiosvt!
pairing: Kim Mingyu x f!reader
total wc: 22k/?
part 1: 7.5k | part 2: 14.4k | part 3
synopsis: Itâs hard to dislike Mingyu, an acknowledgement he risks his modesty for. So when he approaches you with rose tinted glasses, clad in the team kit of his dreams, heâs ready to build a rapport of a lifetime with his brand new race engineer.
Until, the brakes screech loud enough for the entire paddock to hear.
Itâs hard to dislike Mingyu, but you make it look easy.
contains: f1driver!mingyu, race engineer!reader, fluff, angst, coworkers to lovers, annoyances to lovers, beloved by all mingyu, detailed descriptions of a car crash, smut in future chapters [minors dni]
NOTE: please pay attention to the chapter headings as they are important to understand the timeline <33
[a/n]: been a minute but we're here!! thank to everyone who sent such nice things about part 1 in the reblogs, in my DMs, and in my inbox, this one is for all of youuu. huge thank you to @sailorsoons for beta reading this for me love u queen.
masterlist
BAKU 2025
James Calicoâs apprentice recovers quickly from Mingyuâs jab. Mouth opening like it was ready to suck his entire being into the abyss.Â
âThereâs only been one headline overtaking your name in the past weeks,â Selina Thatcher continues. It was going to take more to hear her say it outright, of course, a tactic sheâd learnt from the best.Â
Mingyu however, has also learned to be stubborn from the best, and manages to hold his ground while at ease, âI will repeat, and ask you to be specific.â
Mingyu refuses to break eye contact with her artificially coloured irises, the bright blue boring into his eyes like they were meant to hypnotise. With the way that she operates, he wouldnât put the thought behind that decision past her.Â
He sees her closed mouth move, like she's thinking. Before finally, she lets it go.Â
âRumours regarding your race engineer."
MELBOURNE 2025
Mingyu waking his doctor in the middle of the night as he attempts to refrain from throwing up on the hotel carpet wonât be part of his finer moments, but he jests in having a story to tell from his first race weekend as a Ferrari driver. Of course, it was only media day, but the prospect of officially laying himself out in front of reporters in red was a thought that troubled his dinner.Â
The world had already witnessed his brand new uniform in his official photoshoots and all the pre-season trailers heâs been made to shoot, but he discerns the weight of being face-to-face with a sea of Tifosi staring back at him from the chemically fragrant toilet bowl. Despite the precious seconds of sleep he loses, he does not take these nerves too heavily upon himself.Â
Mingyu wouldnât see the internet aftermath of his strut across the paddock till later, but that was hardly what concerned him.Â
He sits on a cream couch, laid back and relaxed as he dares in a room full of stationed reporters with cameras on him. Sunghoon, his former teammate, is on his left, and Jun on his right.Â
Sunghoon is currently chuckling through an answer about his old teammate, pretending he wasnât right there next to him.Â
âReal piece of work,â Sunghoon chortles into the mic.Â
Mingyu is inclined to pick up his own and give his two cents, âHeard the horror stories.â
He finds himself appreciating having two people he considers friends next to him for his first conference of the season, even as they begin to tackle the more carefully worded questions.Â
âFirst of all, congratulations on the Ferrari seat, the red suits you.â
Mingyu murmurs a âthank youâ into his mic as he continues, âSpeaking of past and present, Ferrari will also be debuting their first ever female race engineer this weekend, how would you say you and Ms. _____ have been melding on the track?âÂ
Mingyu brings the mic back up to his lips, like it was the easiest answer in the world. âWeâve been doing great! We work together quite well and weâve been able to get some really good progress with the car, rest of the team involved as well, of course.â
âSo do we expect to see a better season out of Ferrari than last year?âÂ
Undeniably, Ferrari had been riding Mercedesâ coattails in the last season, a demotion to the clean one-two championships theyâd been winning year after year. They were yet to see Mingyuâs performance, so the question is ladled with genuine curiosity. Â
âObviously I canât compare from last year, but the teamâs been working hard to turn out a winning car. I have faith we can get there. The season will tell.â
Mingyuâs response would echo in his ears as he slipped into the car that Friday, a repeating mantra going along the lines of donât fuck this up donât fuck this up donât fuck this upâ
Your voice cuts through the static of the radio, asking him about brake quality.Â
âItâs alright,â he grunts as he forces a turn. âMaking a racket though.â Mingyu can hear the distinct screeeeech when he brakes, even above the piercing roar of the engine.Â
âCopy.â
Itâs silence from you till you pop back in to tell him to pit, and disconnect completely when he makes it to the garage. He reports back on the brakes, feeling optimistic about the mechanic's response assuring him it's a quick fix.Â
The mechanic was right, as Saturday morning, the final practice session goes as smooth as they could ever want. Your voice over the radio, however, remains as clipped as ever, and Mingyu has to look past it and attempt to focus on the car.Â
Mingyuâs about to walk into his final practice lap when your radio comes on, a quick âradio checkâ in his ear.Â
He likes to think it was his good mood that urged him to do this, similar to his ways with Derek. But later, he might attribute it to simply wanting to grease the one creaky cog that just would not let upâyou.Â
So Mingyu, his attention mostly on the track, begins to lightly rap Fergalicious into the radio, naturally, since it was the first thing that pops into his head, âAll the time I turn around brothas gather 'round always looking at me up and down, looking at my uhââ
He does not realise a potential error in his ways till he hears no response from you. It isnât important for you to respond, considering you called for the radio check, but Mingyu suddenly feels a pang of doubt. He doesnât know why, since this is probably the least noteworthy thing heâd done on track.Â
He lets the practice session end, parking in the garage and pushing himself out of the seat. He has no notes this time, and lets the team crowd the car as he unclips his helmet, ripping off his balaclava and walking towards his room to have a good lie in before Qualifying begins.Â
Heâs forgotten about what happened on the track in his haste to be horizontal, and is physically jolted when he runs into you blocking his door.Â
It takes him by surprise that youâd want to speak to him when not necessary, but even more so, the downright livid expression on your face. Mingyu is forced to a stop in front of you, hoping for an explanation.Â
âWhat was that?â you hiss, and Mingyu has to fight from physically cringing at the venom in your tone.Â
âWhat?â Mingyu gapes.Â
âThey could fine you for copyright violations, what were you thinking?â Arms crossed over your chest, your shoulders are so high up they nearly touch your ears.Â
â...That the FIA canât force me to cough up because I rapped four seconds of Fergalicious on radio?â
âThis comes onto me too, you know?â
âI canât imagine it would, no.â Mingyu is frowning now, utterly confused as to why he's being chewed out for something heâd done his entire career.Â
He watches as you close your eyes, and he can almost see the steam slowly begin to subside, the cooldown operations of your system working overtime.Â
âJustâŠpick something else to check in with.â
Mingyu moves his head back in sarcasm as he suggests it, âWhat, should I list the lower classification of shark breeds?â
âThatâs fine,â you air into his space, leaving him dumbfounded. You donât care to elaborate or refute his obvious sarcasm, because youâre already walking away like he's a waste of your time.Â
It takes a lot for Mingyu to not hurl his helmet into the room as he finally walks in, now too adrenaline flushed to consider his previous plan of lying down. Despite his anger, he finds it within himself to put your apparent lack of rationality to his emotional state, wondering if heâd messed up somehow and he canât see it.Â
Regardless, he hoped you would be able to form a courteous relationship if not a friendly one, considering you were his only point of contact when heâd be an inch from death on the race track. If he wasnât sure of your obvious dislike for him before, he was sure now.Â
That Sunday, when heâs geared up for his first ever race in a Ferrari, he refuses to be troubled by the connotations when you call for a radio check. A deep breath, and Mingyu begins to recite, exactly as you asked, âWhale shark, megalodon, great white, hammerhead, basking, bull, shortfin mako, nurse, tiger, zebra, thresherââ
You interrupt his list of lower classification sharks, rudely, might he add, âThatâs all.â
âSure? I have more,â Mingyu asks on purpose, and hears no reply. He wonders if the paddock is hearing this, which heâs sure they are, as are people at home, and everyone else whoâd tune in to hear the compilation eventually.Â
Mingyu isnât sure if this is going to get him another dressing down, or perhaps youâd choose to simply ignore him even harder, but he feels a very thick sense of satisfaction trickle into his chest.Â
When he snaps back into place on the track, heâs maintained his P3 position for most of the race, but notes the looming threat of the McLaren behind him.Â
âGap?â he asks.
âTwo seconds.â
Fuck. Mingyu watches the turn come up after the straight, realising he needs to brake as late as possible to keep the McLaren at bay.Â
âWhoâs behind me?â
âGrant.â
The answer satisfies him, grateful it isnât Choi, who would not have been as easy to fend off. But he doesnât lower his guard, making the turn. He slows down more than needed, currently more occupied with zigzagging the track to prevent an overtake. Picking up speed on a straight, he floors it faster than he has all day.Â
âGap?âÂ
â3 seconds.â
A second is better than nothing, continuing to push without needing to be told. Heâs holding Grant off for the next four laps in complete silence, waiting for his tires to give out, to make a mistakeâanything.Â
The adrenalineâs reached a point where he hardly feels a thing, reacting on pure reflex as Grant continues to maintain the three second gap. He wants to tune in and ask you for the hypotheticals, but he knows itâs risky if the McLaren team hears and know heâs struggling to keep pace. With no knowing of when the driver was going to pit, he resolves with simply sticking it out.Â
âLaps?â he asks simply, too focused to blurt any more words at 200 kilometers per hour.Â
âFour left.âÂ
Mingyu needs to get on this podium. Nobody is expecting it of him, first race of the season in a car considered outside his caliber, but he did not make it to P3 by pure chance. He doesnât know how long heâs been holding Grant off, but as he comes out of the corner and into the straight, his last three laps are glistening like stars in front of his eyes. That might also be spots of fatigue, but he cannot ponder on it in the moment.Â
The only other car in his rearview for so long was just Grant, but he sees it, the distinct blue of a Williams making its way onto the straight as Mingyu is about to make a sharp turn.Â
Along with two laps left to go, Mingyu also now has two cars on his tail.Â
He enters the second to last lap, no sign of you in his ears, but enough of Grant in his mirror. Mingyuâs pushing as much as he can, full throttle without a care of the very peculiar sounds his engine is making.Â
The track is all that consumes his vision, eyes dry with how long he's gone without blinking, hands and feet numb from nothing that has to do with weather.Â
The last lap. You finally tune in to do your job, a small, âFinal lap, final lap.â
âCopy,â Mingyu says, but it comes out as a soundless breath.Â
Because he sees it, the final turn and the back of Minghaoâs car as it passes the checkered flag in front of him.Â
And in seconds, Mingyuâs there where he once watchedâin red, on the podium. Prevailed.Â
As the Mclaren turns into just Philip Grant and not his competitor, even your icy tone cannot bring him down at this moment.Â
âGreat job, everyone,â he huffs into the mic, a little starstruck.Â
He parks right up front the big number 3, pushing himself out of the car. The cooldown room is Minghao and Seokmin, both of whom are immediately congratulating him through desperate sips of water, pats on the back and bright faces.Â
Once theyâve all caught their breaths, heâs suddenly very aware heâs being filmed, but chooses to ignore it as he combs his hair back with his hands and puts his team hat on.Â
âHeard Grant gave you a tough time,â Seokmin starts. He won the race, Mingyu doesnât know by how much, but with the way he had time mid-race to ask his engineer for otherâs statuses, he assumes it mustâve gone a lot easier than Mingyuâs.Â
âYeah,â Mingyu hummed. âPushed through though.â
âLost sight of you at some point,â Minghao notes as he fidgets with his race suit.Â
âYeah, he was too busy staring at my rear end,â Seokmin adds, which earns him a smack against the chest from Minghao, whoâs smiling all the same.Â
Trophies are paraded, champagne is sprayed, and Mingyu is taking in every second like it might never happen again. But he knows it will, because every time he catches the crimson of Minghaoâs attire, he knows itâs his too, that his life has changed.Â
When heâs in the garage, he takes a moment to let everyone who is left to congratulate him, taking the time before finally reaching the technical aspect of the day before he can leave.Â
You sit in the meeting room with Seungcheol, waiting for him as he enters. Seungcheol already congratulated him earlier, but heâd be lying if he wasnât expecting something from you too. The room is freezing, like someone left the air conditioner on while the place was empty.Â
Itâs catching up to Mingyu that you never said a thing when heâd passed the checkered flag, not a peep of a congratulations, a sliver of remarkability in anything at all. There's time before he finally comes down from the race adrenaline, but he already knows itâs going to irk him.Â
âGrant was putting up a fight,â Cheol says.Â
Before Mingyu can reply, youâre butting in, âTelemetry says you were going full throttle for a lot of the stalemate but the engine wasnât giving as much as it should have. Did you feel anything different?â
Heâs thrown off by the direct question, but answers regardless, âI wasnât paying much attention while avoiding him, but it didnât sound right. Like there was no bass in the sound.â
Mingyu knew enough about the manufacturing of the cars to explain himself, but he realises this isnât something he fully understands, especially since the deterioration occurred so slowly.Â
âWeâll look into it. Anything else?âÂ
âI think that was it.â
Youâre click clacking away on your laptop, while Seungcheol sits with a hand running over his mouth. His brows are not quite relaxed. Finally, he speaks up into the silence. âI think thatâs all from us for now. You go rest up, you had a big day.â
Later on, when Mingyu has bid his goodnight, you continue typing out emails to the responsible people to hop on a call as soon as tomorrow morning. Seungcheol is staring lasers into you, not saying a word.Â
âWhat do you want?â you ask quietly, not a hitch in what youâre occupied with.Â
âDo you need to be that way?â
âWhat way?â
âLike that. With him.â
âWhat have I done to him?âÂ
âNothing. That might be the problem.â
âIâm doing my job Seungcheol, I donât know what you want from me.â
âYou treat him like an inconvenience. Heâs the essence of your job and youâve hardly spoken to him.â
You donât reply, slowing down your typing, still staring at the blinking bar that taunts you. âThis has nothing to do with you.â
âMingyu could make peace with a hyena if it came to it, but thereâs only so much heâs gonna take before it starts becoming a problemâ
Ripping your eyes from your screen, your fists clench atop your keyboard, pressing down so hard you send a flying line of ellipses across the email draft.Â
âIâm trying to imagine a situation where my professionalism becomes a problem, Seungcheol.â
âThis isnât professionalism. You're being professional when you talk to me, Hao, Charlotte, Hugh. Youâre not professional when youâre talking to Mingyu.â
âIâm tired,â you announce, slamming your laptop shut on your unsent email. âLetâs just go.â
Seungcheolâs own professionalism mustâve kicked in because he doesnât refute, choosing to leave you as you are.Â
Of course, it wasnât that he was wrongâyou are acting differently around Mingyu. On purpose.Â
The news was presented to you on a bright sunny morning, a day you were convinced was going to go very differently than it had.Â
There wasnât a thing you didnât love about the industry, and perhaps that was an overextension, but anytime youâre graced with plans and blueprints of developments and corrections of cars, it urges you to believe the statement true. Times were rare when you expressed this, met with scoffs and taunts of âyouâve clearly never done this", your own colleagues hardly being able to imagine being married to their job in the way you are.Â
The excitement was jittery, it made you need to suppress a jerky reaction, it filled your chest with warmth and comfort and the thrill of all the possibilities. Youâd managed to crawl your way up to an engineer, working on the cars that needed the most rapid rebrands, lightyears faster than other road cars.Â
But even then, as youâd mentioned to Carter plenty of times, there was something else you wanted. Something only the CEO could give you.Â
Carter promised heâd talk to him, but that was months ago. So when you woke up one day with a sparse meeting request in your email from none other than Carter himself, you had truly convinced yourself that this was it.Â
The Research and Development department of Scuderia Ferrari was an operation you caught glimpses and glances of like a forbidden love affair, windows not quite as big as other offices, but big enough for you to catch rare sightings of prototypes you couldnât understand, drawing paper and computers pulled up with charts you couldnât make out from where you stood.Â
You wanted to be in the eye of the hurricane, work on cars that defied the impossible, work that made you feel like you did something instead of sitting in a corner and pushing some buttons. It was embarrassing to admit just how much you longed for it, even more so when you realise youâd done everything to make sure you got there in the end.Â
Carter sat across from you with an unreadable expression, and the words to describe the feeling were not known to you, because what would regurgitate from his mouth next could only be described as nonsense wrapped in wet soil. The deep sinking weight in your chest plunged to depths unexplored, leaving a gaping black hole where there was once hope.Â
âWeâve caught wind that Cho is planning to Irish goodbye us altogether,â he gruffed out. âThat would leave us with a vacancy for race engineers, and weâd really rather keep it quiet.â
You donât remember how he explicitly asked you, but you remember asking him plenty of questions.Â
âHow can he just abandon his contract?!â
âHow much does this put me in the public eye?â
âHow am I supposed to drop everything and fly to a new country every week?â
And finally, the question youâd been wrestling down since the moment he uttered the dreaded words, you asked, âWhat about the position I said I wanted?â
Brayden Carter, a composed, professional man, simply interlaced his fingers on the table, âI can try, really try, if you can get through this season, and be available to us when we need you. Which, I know we will.â
âAre you bartering?â It came tumbling out before you could contain it. Entirely unprofessional, almost accusatory, but it wasnât not true.Â
âThink of it more asâŠa deal. I canât confirm that youâre what that department needs, or if HR would be intent on it, but I can promise you Iâll try. They donât need new personnel right now, and you going through them yourself wonât get you far. Iâll talk to Vigna and we can vouch for you.â
You wanted to ask the hard hitting questions, Whatâs the collateral?Â
But you donât. Quiet, unmoving, sitting back in your chair with fists on the armrests, deep within thoughts that take you everywhere and nowhere. Sitting there, you let his words imprint. He wasnât wrong, Choi Minho was winning championship after championship until last year, when Mercedes rolled in and turned all of Ferrariâs shine into coal covered relics. Itâd pushed them back more than they ever anticipated, R&D was packed to the brim with the best money could employ.Â
You needed Braydon Carter, and you needed Benedetto Vigna.Â
So you look up, blank faced, and with a tone that resembles an even emptier slate, you announce, âFine.â
The night you caught wind of Kim Mingyuâs potential onboarding onto Ferrari, your stomach knotted so hard you nearly threw up right then and there.Â
It wasnât that you were so repelled by him, more than the connotations ofâwell, everything else.Â
Your position as a reserve was quickly bumped up to upcoming as soon as Cho abandoned ship and left Carter and Co. with too much paperwork than they could afford with the time they had. You were the first female race engineer at Ferrari, but not the first in Formula One as a sport. The headlines and social media chatter was still quite at the forefront of your mind, of everything that went down beyond the track and paddocks in the supposed private lives of employees.Â
Human nature is to talk, about whatever the universe could bestow upon them as fodder. And arguably, there was nothing better to snicker about than people who arenât themselves. So when the very conveniently placed male driver / female race engineer combination first became available to the general public, it did not go down well.Â
You distinctly remember a female engineer at McLaren being switched out entirely, mid season when the rumours got out of hand. In hindsight, it was nothing but friendly banter, platonically intimate, but not nearly enough to be crossing professional lines. The very public aspect of your job was not lost on you, the prospect of stepping into the shoes you once watched from the sidelines loomed over your head. You needed to plan for this, airtight and foolproof, make sure you draw every line your job description would let you.Â
In an absolute heartbeat, you wouldâve preferred to be paired with Minghao. Quiet, reserved, kept things surface levelâas they should be. On the other end of the spectrum, you didnât need to dig to find out what entailed Mingyuâs paddock personality.Â
He was a firework bottled into a human body, light and sunshine followed him everywhere, leaving traces behind as the people who interacted with him beam like theyâd just been lit from within. Perhaps your perception was simply too left-brained to understand how a person could operate in this way, but you realised his overt friendliness was a threat to the lines youâd drawn in soldered iron.Â
You donât know the moral or ethical integrity of the decision you ended up making, but it was all you had. Avoid Mingyu like the plague, just enough to establish you wanted nothing to do with him, but not so much it hindered you or him from doing your jobs.
It seemed simple enough in theory. Get through the season, get results, and keep your mouth shut while youâre at it.Â
Seungcheolâs nagging did nothing but confirm what it looked like from the outsideâcold and direct. Just like it should be.Â
Even as Mingyu makes his way through the crowd in the garage, the same everlasting beam of sunshine on his face, now impossibly elevated with his podium, you remain standing in a corner where you canât be seen.
For a cursory, electrifying moment, you find yourself considering walking up to give him a brief congratulations.Â
Catching yourself before you could delve into the thought further, your back straightens up like someoneâs inserted a rod into your spine, rigid and at attention. Gripping the laptop and clipboard with a force definitely not recommended, you find yourself ripping your eyes away from the merrymaking, and about-turn into the nearest empty meeting room.Â
Passing up on pictures, you stay in the empty meeting room for minutes you donât count, watching the icicles form on every strand of hair on your body, letting the cold seep into your skin and muscles, pulling them so taut you can feel every fibre. Thereâs ice on everything you touch, cold, slippery and unforgivingly numbing.Â
The clock ticks in your ears, the only everlasting sound in the room.Â
IMOLA 2025
âLee in the pits, we can push this lap.â
Mingyu doesnât need to be told twice as he floors it. His first goal this weekend is to make it to Q3, which heâs evidently managed, as his second goal is to now somehow make it to pole. With Seokmin in the pits, he can forget about the twisting and turning he needs to do around him, gearing up as he approaches the starting line to race a lap like heâs never ever before.
Nothing could have prepared him for the vigour of a Ferrari fan in Imola, no matter how much heâd witnessed it in the past. It was electric, the way they reached for him to affirm their trust in him, the potency of their passion.Â
Even now, as Mingyu attempts to make this the fastest qualifying lap of his career, he simply canât go fast enough. The stands are no doubt loud, but nothing compares to the anarchy in his ears, the pounding possibility of this one, this is the lap.
He blanks out when the lap is over and he slows down for the subsequent one, tuning in to ask you the fated question.Â
âTime?â Ideally, he shouldnât have to ask, considering heâs attempting to focus on the track ahead and not logistics, but heâs too impatient to test you on that.Â
â1:24. Thatâs pole.â
It takes everything to not slam his fists into the steering wheel in celebration, choosing to simply shake his fists in the air in barely controlled exhilaration as he drives. âYes!â
âPit on the next round,â you say, and he considers himself retired from the qualifying session.Â
âHow long left on the clock?â Anything over a minute heâd argue to stay on track and defend the position.Â
âWeâre clear for P1.â
Despite the air of elation, your answer irritates him. âI asked how long left on the clock.â
âEnough to not worry. Pit on the next lap.â The reprimand in your tone does nothing but add fuel to the fire. Momentarily, Mingyu forgets the pressing fact that the entire world can hear the radio exchange, a powerfully worded retort on the tip of his tongue fighting its way out. He holds himself back as he forms the syllable on his lips. It takes him a moment, before finding himself to utter nothing else but this;
â_____.âÂ
Itâs a warning. Nothing but your name, which he realises heâs hardly ever uttered before. Itâs hard on his tongue, a forceful addition to his vocabulary. He doesnât understand it, like heâs introducing an enemy into the sanctuary of his spoken wordâa bad omen.Â
His voice is met with nothing but silence, not a crackle of an open line on the other end of the radio. Just when he thinks youâve chosen to completely ignore him on the air, he hears the static come back in.Â
âThirty seconds.â
How hard was that? Is what heâd like to ask, but he nips the thought at the bud, choosing to file into the pits in silence after that.Â
As heâs slowing down, his garage in sight, he chooses his next words carefully. âCongratulations, _____.â
He waits, as he parks his car in his garage, watches in his peripheral as hands he cannot count begin to pull at the car, pushing it into its space. He waits as he unlatches himself from his seat, feeling the clicks through his gloves, pressing down for longer than necessary. He waits as he rips the velcro off his gloves, freeing his hands from the damp den, flexing his fingers in the air. He waits as he heaves himself out of the car, standing as he reaches for the strap of his helmet.Â
He waits as he unlatches his helmet, pulling the helmet and HANS device with it. He waits as he yanks his balaclava off, staring at nothing as he finally moves his hand to his ears. He waits, his fingers hovering over his in-ears that connect him to the paddock at all times. He stares ahead, at where the pit wall is hindered by the hustle and bustle of the pit walk now that Qualifying is over.Â
Mingyu waits; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5⊠ears straining to hear the static, to hear you say something, until finally, he pulls out his in-ears, disconnecting himself from you.
The wire hits his chest, and he exhales. Looking around, he finds Hugh at his shoulder, smiling so wide it ripples at his dimples and strains his neck. He offers Mingyu a hand which he takes, pulling himself to step out of the car.Â
The gravity of the situation is losing its effects. Heâd made history, given the Tifosi something to look forward to come Sunday, but he feels nothing but ire.Â
Nightfall blinks its stars in the windows of Mingyuâs hotel room that night. Heâs scrubbed himself down twice, meticulously folded his dirty clothes and slipped them into a laundry bag, did his skincare for the first time in weeks, and picked off every last piece of loose thread on his pillow.Â
All to avoid looking at his phone.Â
But as he stares at the ceiling, knowing full well he has to reach for his phone to set his alarm for the following morning, he realises he has to come to terms with it. His lockscreen presents him with a message from Minseo.Â
[Old raisin]: meeting with carter on monday
[Mingyu]: For what
[Old raisin]: didnt say
Mingyu only huffs, exiting the app to set his alarms. Heâd deal with whatever it was later, for now, the only thing occupying his mind was the race he had to win.Â
He manages to avoid his phone all night and all morning, turning his alarms off and forgetting the device existed as he got ready. Chan is in the room while Mingyu splashes the sleep out of his eyes one last time, exiting to find his agent with furrowed brows at the small desk in the room, staring into his laptop screen.Â
âWhat?â asks Mingyu, reaching for his socks.Â
Chan shakes his head, emitting a small noise of dismissal. He looks up to see his driver nearly ready, and begins to pack up. By the time they get to the circuit, heâs noticed his agentâs diverted attention all the while. Staring at his phone scrolling, eyes darting across the screen, typing periodically.Â
Mingyuâs beginning to feel the nausea creep up, so he doesnât ask. Thereâs a prickly kind of heat all over his arms and neck, like heâd moved to a faraway place amidst the bustling garage. It was an odd feeling, and he canât say heâs felt like this before. Heâs self aware enough to know this was a myriad of factors swirling in his consciousness, but he isnât quite sure how to snap out of it.Â
Hugh is talking to you over Mingyuâs detached steering wheel. Heâs suddenly dizzy.Â
Turns out Mingyu didnât need to worry too much, considering the second heâs dipped into the driverâs seat, his nerves reset. Perhaps heâs conditioned himself to feel nothing but rapt attentiveness when his vision locks into the familiar landscape, but heâs grateful for the temporary nature of his cold feet.Â
âI donât have my steering wheel,â he speaks into the radio, strapping his gloves on.
Thereâs no response from your end, but seconds later, a mechanic is handing it to him.Â
He doesnât have time to ponder on your lack of response, again, because the garage is clearing out before his eyes, and he watches the raised hand walking backwards in front of him, before giving him the motion to exit.Â
Driving up to the grid at pole position after the formation lap, he lets out an exhale he knows the radio can hear. All of a sudden Mingyuâs forgotten where he is, whoâs counting on him, and what could come out of not delivering. All he can see are the lights above him that are going to flash bright red, and that the only rear end of a car heâs going to see is when he laps them all.Â
The lights ignite in a row, one by one by one, before going out altogether. And then Mingyuâs world is nothing but a roaring engine.Â
He pushes the first three laps as hard as he could, making sure the gap between him and Seokmin is as stretched as it can get. Seungcheol briefed him on strategy, that Minghao from P3 would keep him as occupied as possible in attempts to overtake that heâd eventually need to prioritise.Â
Mingyu is counting on it.Â
While Seokmin is on the opposite end of the aggressive spectrum off the track, he brings out the bear the second he's behind the wheel.Â
Mingyuâs glad for it, because this might be the most focused heâs ever been. So much so, that he doesnât realise how far heâs come till the radio crackles in, â33 laps in, 30 left to go.â
âCopy,â he utters as his first word inâŠhe doesnât know how long.
Seokmin is beginning to catch up behind him, both his livery and Minghaoâs in tandem in his mirror. Minghao remains hot on Seokminâs heels, but the Mercedes remains unrelenting.Â
Mingyu realises heâs going to have to start pushing again, so he takes his chance at the straight and goes full throttle. Minghao is beginning to wear the car down, catching gaps in Seokminâs guard as best as possible.Â
âBox box.â
âWhat?!â Mingyu sputters at the command.Â
With Seokmin hardly a few seconds behind, a pit stop was practically offering the lead to him on a silver platter. Mingyu doesnât think of the consequences when he lets the pit lane blur right past him as he continues on the track.Â
âMingyuââ
âIâm not pitting. Ten laps left, thatâs suicide!â He canât recognise the sound of his own voice, coming out grating and harsh from disuse, but laced with outrage.Â
Itâs empty on the other end as Mingyu does everything to ignore your request, knowing he couldnât just pit on the next lapconsidering the entire paddock heard your call. Mingyu attempts to put aside the irrational burst of anger for after the race, but he realises his ire is only gunning him to do better.Â
His ears ring as he whizzes past a lapped Aston Martin, finally, bringing a barrier between him and Seokmin. He realises itâs only a matter of time before the Aston has to give way to the other cars, and uses the delay to his advantage.Â
Heâs suddenly a lap away, still going full throttle to leave no room for error. A quick glance at his mirror and he realises Minghao is behind him now, having overtaken at some point along the way.Â
Mingyu crosses the checkered flag with the noise of his own blood rushing into his ears, reality slow to trickle in.Â
âThatâs a win,â he hears your flat voice over the noise, the confirmation that heâs done it. âCongratulations.â
Thatâs a win.Â
He doesnât remember any of the hollering that escapes him after that, because he realises heâs relaxing into his seat out of his own accord for the first time, and not from the influx of G forces pushing his organs into a centrifuge.Â
His victory lap is a blur, the roaring of the Tifosi a blended streak of red in his vision, the track a swallowing pit of dark grey. But maybe that was just the tears in his eyes.Â
âGreat job, Mingyu,â Braydon Carterâs voice is in his ear on the radio. âThis side of the paddockâs proud of you.â
Later on, heâll look back onto the pictures and realise he doesnât remember smiling that wide. Because in the moment, all Mingyu felt was an overwhelming, all-consuming sense of relief.Â
He seems to have forgotten the weight of his win, because as he walks out of the cooldown room and into the blue skies of Imola, the winning podium gives him the best view in the house; of the ever-stretching ocean of red thatâs taken over the track. A flag that could span an entire highway depicts the prancing horse like a winning emblem, reddish smoke wavering over the crowd like a haze.Â
Mingyu feels like heâs been punched square in the chest, the wind knocked out of him. Which is saying something considering the weight of ten elephants was laid on him in his car not even twenty minutes ago.Â
By the time Mingyu is back in the garage, stripped of most of his clothes and dipped to his neck in the ice bath, heâs letting his emotions slowly wither down to something manageable. Chan sits next to him on a chair, and Mingyu takes a moment to notice his agent still has his phone in his hands as he talks his ear off.
âAnd then I thought Hao was gonna ram into SeokminâŠâ he trails off as he watches him. His brows are furrowed and his mouth downturned. He hums in response to keep Mingyu talking, but his attention is anywhere but on him.Â
âYouâve been glued to your phone all day,â he says. âWhatâs going on?â
Chan snaps his head up to look at him, shaking his head with more force than necessary, locking his phone and slipping it back into his pocket. âNothing. Press should be waiting soon, dâyou think youâre done?â
Mingyu isnât buying it, but begins to rise out of the freezing water into the comparatively warmer air. Chan is setting towels down for him to step his pooling feet onto, but something tells him heâs busying himself to keep from making eye contact.Â
âChan, am I walking out there blind?âÂ
âBlind about what?â he asks. But Mingyu knows him well enough to hear the breathiness of his voice, the nerves laced behind his smoothing laughter.Â
âChan. If Iâm going to be asked about something out there, I wanna know.â His voice is sterner now, fully convinced heâs being kept from something.Â
When his agent doesnât respond, he only huffs. âFine, Iâll look myself.â Mingyu doesnât care heâs only in his drenched boxers, leaving puddles of water in his wake as he reaches for his phone with wet hands.Â
âOkay, justâ!â Chan snatches his phone away and forces a towel into his hands. âDry off and Iâll tell you.â
Mingyu sits down and runs the dry towel over his arms and chest. âPeople areâŠnoticing, that your race engineer isâŠâ
âA grump?â Mingyu answers for him.Â
âA little,â he cringes. âItâs mostly just memes and the usual jokes but some are saying she ruined the win.âÂ
âRuined it?â
âYou didnât say much on radio.â Chanâs arms hang limp at his sides. âThatâs not very like you.â
Mingyu looks down as he dries his legs. âNot much to say on a ghost line.âÂ
âThere isnât much we can do when most of the talk is lighthearted. But people are confused.âÂ
And they have the right to be. Mingyu isnât exactly the quiet type, his silence right after the biggest milestone of his career so far was bound to be noticed.Â
âYou were bouncing off the walls once you were out of the car, so it kindaâŠâ
âMade them think she was the problem,â Mingyu finishes. He sighs loudly, and thinks of the hoard of press waiting for him outside.Â
Chan looks as uncomfortable as ever, and he knows itâs not because of Mingyuâs lack of modesty.Â
It wouldnât be entirely right of him to badmouth Mingyuâs race engineer; and the possibility of the problem worseningâŠitâs weighing on him. It doesnât help that Mingyuâs popularity has rocketed to the stars since the season began.Â
âIs she?â Chan asks.Â
âHm?âÂ
âIs she a problem?â
Mingyu opens his mouth only to close it again. He runs a cold, pruned hand over his face. âI donât think she particularly likes me, but Iâd hoped she wouldnât let it get in the way of her job.â
âIf itâs affecting your drive you need to talk to Carter,â Chan pushes now that Mingyuâs brought the subject to light.Â
âI canât be making demands this quicklyââ
âYouâve given them a win seven weekends in,â Chan cuts him off. âThat has to account for something.â
âListen, Iâve been managing fineââ
âAnd when you canât? Sheâs your only point of communication on the track and she refuses to talk to you, thatâs a disaster waiting to happen! She was making you lap while Seokmin was only three seconds behind youâwith ten laps left to go!â
Mingyu doesnât have an answer for him, because he knows heâs right.Â
The win is fresh hanging over all of their heads, but a corner of his heart canât help but feel like an intruder on this team. Like heâs somehow gotten here through pure uncut luck and nothing more. That he needs to tread with paramount caution or else theyâd take it all away from him.Â
Mingyuâs scared, an irrational fear that he recognises. But it sits buried deep inside him, and you only seem to stoke that fire.Â
âIâll think about it for a week or two,â Mingyu finally says. Chan opens his mouth to refute but heâs cut off. âNow get out, I have put on dry underwear.â He flicks his damp towel at him, pushing him out of the small room.Â
Mingyu attempts to calm his nerves, now fully clothed amidst a panel of Minghao and Seokmin, staged before a room full of press representatives.Â
He musters the most natural of smiles, the easy pull of his mouth and the calm on his face that he doesnât feel. âItâs a bit! Sheâs funny like that.â
The reporter who asked the fated question stares like he mightâve told him you were an automation, and he sees it in his face. Heâs not buying it.Â
Mingyuâs dread hits the pedal.Â
Carter picks out a nonexistent piece of lint off his dark sweater. You ponder for a moment how much the plain piece of clothing cost, but are interrupted when he begins to speak.Â
âWe had a deal,â he reminds you. âYou fill in for Mingyuâs race engineer for this yearâand this year aloneâand Iâd help you get to R&D. Maybe I didnât make it clear enough, but we expected at least an above average job.â
Irritation you cannot describe ignites within you, rationality leaving you for a moment. With tense muscles and a hard look, you know deep down youâre being unreasonable. But you cannot seem to care.Â
âArguing on radio?â Heâs beginning to lose a bit of his composure. âAnd about whatâthe time?â
Thereâs nothing you can say.Â
âI canât vouch for you in front of Vigna when heâs called me five times in the last hour to tell me to put my race engineer in line.â
âI get it,â you say through grit teeth and a concealed sigh. âIâll fix it.â
âYou donât have a choice. The internetâs in the beginning stages of a riot and your face is smack center of the dart board.â
That is news to you. âWhat?â Itâs easier to look him in the eye now, genuinely confused.
He throws his hands in the air in a half-hearted yield, the lines on his face still ever present. âYou cannot wrong a driver this beloved by the public and not expect people to lash out, honestly I thought you were smart enough to know that. Granted itâs only a few jokes but thatâs always how it begins. You havenât just been inadequate at your job, youâve been utterly unprofessional!â His voice pitches higher by the end of the sentence, hands flying as he speaks.Â
He shakes his head, not quite done. â_____, if you cannot convince me, you cannot convince Vigna. And you cannot convince me until youâve convinced the public.âÂ
The inordinate feeling of whiplash stays with you all the way back to your hotel room, operating entirely on instinct as you wash up and finally slip under the covers. Your phone is untouched beside you, and you decide to steel yourself and pick the damn thing up for the first time in hours and hours.Â
At the very least, if you need to cry, thereâs enough to run the reservoir dry before tomorrow morning.Â
The first thing that glares at you is a suggested post, practically shoving reality in your face for the part of you that believes Carter was exaggerating.Â
KIM MINGYU WINS IN IMOLA!Â
The breath you take is shaky, pressing onto the comment section with hesitancy like it was prone to combustion.Â
[@_xy__z]:Â AAAAAAAA SO DESERVED!!!!! had potential to be his bestest win but ofc, thats not his fault
[@zx__y]:Â somebody needs to put his race engineer in check
[@yzx__01]:Â hottest man on the grid won in a ferrari in italy and was still met with radio silence đđđđ what of us common folk
[@x__zy]:Â yeah congrats and everything but wtf was happening on that radioÂ
[@yy01zx]: just when i thought i could be excited about another female race engineerâŠ..girl get a grip
Youâre grinding your teeth so hard you can hardly feel the pain in your jaw. Another scroll takes you to another still of Mingyuâs godawful face thatâs beginning to cost you, at the post race conference you had no desire to wait on or look out for.Â
âItâs a bit,â he says into the mic. Nothing in his expression to suggest a lick of an otherwise, nothing tentative in his smile. Itâs revolting to you how easy it looks, how easy the lie came to him. Not a hair out of place.Â
You close your eyes on instinct, and take a moment to regroup before you resort to kicking and punching at hotel grade bedsheets and thin air.Â
Itâd gotten that far.Â
Youâd never meant for it to get this far.Â
The utter weight of your emotions pushes you into a sitting position, vision blurring from the frustration. This is the opposite of what you wanted.Â
Itâs sickening as the thought begins to coagulate, the full bodied realisation of whatâs happened. It was obvious, in the comment section thatâs meant to be full of his praise but isnât, in the silence you gave in response on radio, to every time you talked yourself out of being even remotely near his vicinity, in your vehement denial of the fallout.
In your attempt to become unseen, youâd ended up thrusting yourself into the limelight anyway. Front and center.Â
And you donât know how to fix it.Â
MONACO 2025
Mingyu is bitter. And he doesnât think heâs entirely wrong to be so.Â
But he remains as though not a brick is out of place on the Monaco paddock. He finds repose in the one time during the season he gets to do it, getting to the paddock from his home and not a sterile hotel room. Itâs been a couple weeks since heâs set foot on a circuit, but hardly feels the detachment despite the break.Â
He tries and fails to not think about it when he gets to his tiny room in the garage to get into full battle dress, prepared for whenever he needs to get into the car for the first Practice session. Media day had been better than heâd expected, but he feels Minseo might have had something to do with the lack of questions aimed at the obvious.Â
Minghao is speaking to you at the opening of the garage when Mingyu emerges, his suit undone to the waist. Minghao is yet to change, still in jeans and sunglasses as you converse with a neutral expression. Your back is turned to Mingyu, but youâre nodding your head along. Mingyu is spotted as Minghao looks up and sees him walking towards the pair.Â
He says something to you before heâs moving to pat Mingyu on the back. âIâve gotta run right now, but let me know when we can talk. Wanted to catch up.âÂ
Mingyu nods, âYou can come over after the session.â
âSounds good,â he nods at you as well. âIâll see you.â
Mingyu is busy watching him walk away to his side of the garage, so much so that he hardly notices that you're yet to walk away from him.Â
Alarmingly, youâve instead turned around to face him in full. Itâs enough to startle him when he eventually looks over, an embarrassing spring under his feet. Thereâs an odd look on your face he canât quite place, which is already beginning to bother him. He braces himself for a sharp tongued demand from you, but all you look is a littleâŠpained?
Your mouth is doing a strange thing, tight lipped and stretching. âGood morning,â you say, in an equally odd voice heâs never heard from you.Â
And then you walk away, about-turned and marching towards the meeting rooms in the back.Â
Mingyu gapes.Â
You just greeted him. And he quickly realises that it was something akin to a smile on your face (more of a grimace than anything), and a ghastly attempt at a pleasant tone.Â
Mingyu doesnât know what to do with himself.Â
Heâs sure he looks stupid standing there with a dazed expression on his face, but heâs too occupied with his attempts to register the situation. Good morning.
A harsh slap on the back of his head lurches him forward, but reels him back into the world. Wonwoo stands there, brows furrowed and a concerned look in his eyes.Â
âHello?â
âWhat?â Mingyu asks sharply.Â
âWhy are you staring at the door like Jesus is about to walk out?â
âWhat do you want?â Mingyu asks rather rudely.Â
âTo know why you went momentarily deaf? I called out for you like ten times.â
He shakes his head in response. âItâs nothing.â
âDid she say something?â Wonwoo asks the censored question, but Mingyu doesnât need him to fill in that blank. You did say something, but it wasnât what anybody in their vicinity would expect.Â
Mingyu locks eyes with his friend, who has his headset over his shoulders and his hands in his pockets, and tells him: âShe said good morning.â
âTo who?â
âTo me.â
âLikeâŠsarcastically?â
âNo! She looked like she was smiling.â
âSardonically.â
âNo! Like she was trying to be pleasant.â
Wonwoo is silent for a moment, before asking again, âShe said good morning, to you, while smiling pleasantly?â
âIt wasâŠan attempt.â
âAt what?â
âLooked like it pained her to be nice to me,â Mingyu folds his arms over his chest.Â
Wonwoo similarly looks like heâs trying to absorb what heâs being told, cocking his head to the side. âAnd all it took wasâŠ?â
Mingyu shrugs with dazed eyes.Â
Wonwoo looks like he already knows, â...a couple mean internet jokes?â
âI meanâŠif thatâsâŠâ Mingyu closes his eyes and trails off. âI donât know. Itâs throwing me off, I donât like it.â
âIf sheâs trying to be nicer thenâŠlet her.â
âShe looks like she wants to vomit at the thought of speaking to me politely. Iâd rather her cuss me out.â
Wonwoo raises his eyebrows and looks like he wants to say something, but his eyes flit over his shoulder. Mingyu looks behind him instinctively and sees you and Seungcheol walking out of the meeting room.Â
Your hair is in a ponytail, itâs earlier in the day so thereâs less pieces that are falling out to frame your face. The strands shine in the reflection of the sun, pouring in through the open garage. Youâre wearing the red team kit and a dark pair of trousers, tablet in hand as you strut towards the outside, weaving through mechanics and engineers pouring over the car that parks between you.Â
Squinting eyes in the sunlight, he watches a shadow come over your face as you bring a hand up to shield your vision. The sun pours through the gaps of your fingers, illuminating parts of your face.Â
Mingyu stares blatantly as you walk up to the pit wall, like it will give him an answer. All it does is make him queasy.Â
Wonwoo pats him on the back, gentler this time, âThatâs your cue. I gotta get back too.â
Mingyu is on the track, in the middle of accelerating on a straight when he finally admits the fact that your tone is still hesitantly agreeable.Â
âDo your tires feel okay?â you ask him over the radio, strange micro-pauses between words that donât sound natural in the slightest. The question itself is a doozy, considering you speak an average of fifteen words to him over the radio during the entire weekend. Youâve exhausted that number and more, and itâs only Friday.Â
âYeah, theyâreâtheyâre fine.â Itâs distracting enough that heâs begun to slow down on the straight.
âYouâre slower, do we need to note an issue with the engine?â
âNo, I need to push.â
âNoted.â
Mingyu feels like heâs been knocked off his rocker, still deciding if heâd rather you revert back to the way you were. But he has no say in that, nor did he have one in your apparent change in attitude.
Itâs when he takes the turn and lands behind Seokminâs black Mercedes, he realises he doesnât have the choice to slack off from shock. Especially not at this point of the season.Â
Itâs only a Practice session to tweak the reconstructed car, but Mingyu feels his tunnel vision seep in, suddenly hellbent on overtaking the man and leaving him to floating dust. Even then, as he takes his turns, brake checks the car, pushes to full throttle, he canât shake it offâat least not entirely.
Especially not when your voice continues to crackle into his ears more times than heâs ever heard before, more care for his status updates than youâd ever shown. Perhaps, you are even going beyond whatâs required.Â
Mingyu hops out of the car at the end of the session, bartering Minseo for no more sit down interviews or hands he has to shake with a promise of fixing her shower head during the week. His home calls for him, and so does Minghao when he feels the familiar buzz of his phone in his pocket.Â
Minghao insists on no dinner when they get to Mingyuâs apartment, but allows him to scoop a bowl of dressed salad as they sit on the floor over his coffee table. In all honesty, Mingyu never has much of an appetite the night before Qualifying or Race Days, but he admits it feels easier with Minghao joining him at the eve.Â
Minghao was never the talkative type, not nearly as much as Mingyu at the very least, but heâs found himself growing closer to his teammate over the past months. It was easy to talk to him, especially when it came to the unceasing case of imposter syndrome that would grip Mingyu like a vice at the worst times.Â
Although it looks a little bit like Minghao is skirting around the actual topic, their small talk never quite transitioning. Until it does.Â
He puts his fork down into his almost finished bowl, moving it to rest at the coffee table. He sighs, and thatâs Mingyuâs only indication before he begins to speak. âSoâŠ,_____.â
It shouldnât shock him, but Mingyu does find himself shifting uncomfortably on the carpeted floor at the sound of your name, your unusually pitched voice ringing in his ears all over again. Mingyu can only sigh in response, repositioning to brace for impact.Â
Minghao chuckles at his shift in behaviour, âAlright, whatâs going on with that?â
âWish I knew.â
âWonwoo said sheâd been different,â he raises his brows.Â
âSnitch,â Mingyu mumbles under his breath. âYeah she has. Itâs obvious why, but I wouldâve thought sheâd want to talk about it first.â
Minghao's mouth is in a tight line. âSheâs not always like this.â
âThatâs the whole problem, isn't it?â Mingyu downs his water glass. âShe doesnât seem to have an issue with anyone else.â
âAnd now?â
âLike sheâs convincing herself I'm not repulsive.â
âIf you think itâs bad on air, youâre in for a shock.â
Minghao is silent for a minute, taking in Mingyuâs face. âIâve never seen you this bothered.â
Mingyu runs his tongue over his teeth, âItâs affecting how I drive. I thought it wasnât, but I keep thinking about it and itâs distracting. And sheâs trying to be nicer for the world to see but itâs doing nothing but distract me even more. And I justâŠ.I can't figure out what I possibly could've done.â
âYou,â Minghao starts, âhave a horrible need to be liked.â
Mingyu blinks.Â
âWhat?â
âItâs what I said.â
âI know Iâm liked.â
âThatâs not what I said.â
âYouâre saying Iâm more annoyed she doesnât like me than the fact that itâs affecting my driving?â
Minghao only shrugs, âMaybe itâs both. Iâm not saying she isnât in the wrong, but maybe you need to try being okay with however she is. Itâll stop bothering you as much, thatâs for sure.â
âButââ
âSheâs trying to be more communicative. Sure, it sounds grating to the ear but maybe you need to take the progress as is.â
Mingyu listens, not knowing how to respond.Â
âMeet her where she is. Better than fighting it.â
He thinks about it. He hasn't been seeing the change as progression, linking it as another facet of your existing odd behaviour emitting from the same anomalous place it always had. Thereâs an echo of effort in the way you spoke to him, something changed in the two weeks he hadnât seen you. Whether it came from a place of vexation or adjustment, he doesnât know. He wonders if he should take it as the latter and run with it. For his own sake.Â
âThink about it. It wonât hurt. And if it willâŠyouâre better at hiding it than she is.â
âIs this some sick form of sabotage?â he shoots at his friend in jest.Â
Minghao only raises his hands in defense, âCanât do a nice thing anymore.â
When Mingyu sees you bright and early on Saturday, he forces himself to smile.Â
He isnât sure why heâs shocked, but he watches as you smile back. Youâre getting better at being natural about it, but thereâs still a lingering hesitancy in the pull of your mouth.Â
When heâs in the car, about to make it into Q3 in the nick of time, you speak into his ears, âDouble checked everything on my end, you can push for this one.â
And then, miraculously:
âYouâre doing great, Mingyu.â
If Mingyu wasnât in the middle of Qualifying, he wouldâve driven right into the gravel. Minghao is in his ears again, words resounding as he steels himself.Â
And when he makes it to P2 by a hair, he canât even bring himself to be disappointed. Not when youâre speaking encouragement in his ear.Â
âThatâs P2, good place to start.â
And in the meeting room, mechanics and engineers all crowded at the table, Mingyu finds himself hearing a side of you heâs only seen from afar.Â
âI think we need the engine to have another once over before tomorrow but I think both car and driver are doing alright.â Your tone is light, airy, easy, at least exponentially more so than before. Nobody else in the room looks remotely moved by the alteration, but Mingyu has to stop himself from ogling like heâs seen a ghost.Â
When Sunday rolls around, despite the mere 24 hour difference, he feels it a little less burdensome to muster a smile at you, but is still finding it difficult to tamp down the blow when you send a little âgood morningâ his way.Â
Mingyu steps up to the second plate by the end of the race, right before Minghao jumps up onto the first. Most of the race was Mingyu defending his rear from the incessant Mercedes. Seokmin who claps good-naturedly all the same on the third plate as Minghao accepts his trophy with head held high.Â
When the roar dies down, and Mingyu makes his way back with slow steps, he takes his time waving at fans when they spot him despite the end of the race. The sun is setting, the Monaco glow making its way over to the pit lane. He finds you at the opening of his garage. Normally, you would lock yourself in a meeting room with an array of staff post-race, and normally, heâd be confused to find you anywhere but there. Almost like you were waiting.Â
âCongrats,â you say as soon as heâs within earshot. Mingyu briefly wonders if the insurmountable awkwardness is as apparent to you as it is to him. Nobody can tell though, because Mingyu hides it as best as possible and gives you a âthanksâ in return.Â
The garage is impeccably loud, the weekend coming to a close and a million parts of his car drilling out of their fixed places to be transported. Itâs impossible to not adapt when heâs surrounded by similar (and louder) sounds on the regular, but as he watches the hesitancy in your face, he has to focus to realise you have something to say.Â
He watches as your mouth opens, but he hardly catches it. Something about Carter. He thinks you mention Seokmin but he hasnât fully caught it.Â
Instinctively, Mingyu leans in closer. Thereâs little thought of how close his ear is to your mouth, not until you start speaking. âYou did a good job defending, Carterâs been worried about Lee.â
Your breath hits his skin as you speak, arms folded and face clear. He sees it when he faces you to respond. He doesnât think before he says it, slipping into his usually banter on instinct, âTheyâve been feeding him telemetry reports in his downtime, heâs been a pain this season.â
He thinks that was a smile. Less coerced, less laboured. Maybe even real.Â
"We're expecting it to get harder, Toto seems adamant on no mistakes."
In the newly turned tides of different gravel in a different country, yet sustained essence, it feels almost ironic to say. But that doesn't stop him. "So are we."
Not a question, but it hangs in the air like it just might be.Â
Mingyu isn't sure himself if he meant it as a test, but the way he watches you absorb his words is calculated. Every twitch in your face, every tremble of your mouth. Until you respond. Assured.Â
"So are we."
Minghao is attempting to put up a fight in the squash court, conspicuous with the sweat that glistens on his skin under the harsh lights. Mingyu does not doubt he appears to be faring worse, his sweating abilities notorious and excessive.Â
Mingyu's managed to break his racket twice already, less of an expense at the center's supply store but more-so at his dignity. Minghao makes sure to nag, but not before laughing at the cracked racket hanging limp in his hand.Â
Minghao sends the rubber ball straight into the wall as Mingyu prepares to maneuver. Squash is loud, in a significantly more echo-y way than the roar of an engine. It reverberates in Mingyu's skull with every slammed ball, the beginnings of a headache making its way to his temples.Â
Minghao seems to be faring similarly, because he calls quits first. Both of them are massaging their heads as they walk to their bags.Â
"Forgot how horrible that gets after a while," Minghao groans, the heel of his hand over his brow bone. He plops down next to the bags, reaching for the water bottle as Mingyu does the same.Â
"Ice pack?" Mingyu pants, but is met with a shaking head. He wouldn't know where to find one anyway. When he's done chugging his water, he plops down right beside him, digging into his duffel bag for his phone.Â
For the hours he hasn't checked it, he's shocked he's gotten no notifications, his homescreen empty.Â
All except for one.Â
[Old raisin]: you have to get home now
[Old raisin]: dont make me call you
Dread floods into his stomach almost immediately. He's sitting up straighter, not even bothering to reply.Â
He scrambles to open the first social media app he can navigate, scrolling to the search bar.Â
Sports - Trending
MINGYU
84.7k PostsÂ
CALICOÂ @jamescalico - June 1
Ferrari Driver Mingyu Kim & Ferrari Race Engineer _____ _____ on the Monaco Paddock. May 19th 2024.Â
Mingyu thinks it's wallpaper at first. It's a glowing ember of a picture, the sun radiating a vivid orange that feels impossible. It's behind the camera, shining down on the unmistakable crimson of the Ferrari garage, half shadowed by the shelter, the other half on fire. It almost hurts to look at.Â
You stand so close to one another you're almost touching. The bend of Mingyu's head shields his face from the camera, but it's rotated to face you completely. You stand on tiptoes he doesn't remember, to speak to him in your learned tone over the loud machinery.Â
Except it looks anything like it. Because the mortifyingly beautiful image convinces him you stand there sharing something more than words. It looks like Mingyu's dipped his head down to kiss you, and you seemed to have leaned up to kiss him. Right there, on the Monaco Paddock.Â
MONTREAL 2025
It's in the bathtub of a hotel you can't remember the name of, in the middle of the foreign Montreal city center that you realise you've ruined it all.Â
The briefing room flashes before your eyes with every blink, the sterile white haunting you like a ghost in the bathroom. You do your best to avoid it, staring directly at the yellow of the sconce. The horrid scene swims into your visions anyway.Â
Carter sat with his hand cupping his face, stormy eyed as he listened to Vigna over the speakerphone like he held all the answers in the world. You sat on the opposite end, listening in as your situation was laid out in front of you.Â
"âthe angle, Benedettoâ"
"Look at the photo Braydon, it's unmistakable."
"We can let it blow over, there's no point in responding."
"We have a race in three days we cannot put these two on the same radio!"Â
You forgot to distinguish who's saying what at some point, because you know it's your head reeling far worse than any other man in the room. It's a blur, the tense phone calls to Vigna, to marketing, to every other department in the damn company that seems to be obligated to have an opinion.
You're tired. So very tired.Â
The water in the bath is running cold, or perhaps you're just losing feeling.Â
Carter had his head in his hands by the end of it, sitting in an empty meeting room as the rest of the damage control leaves. A pen here, a blaring yellow sticky note there. It was silent, and you'd hardly said a word once you'd said your initial piece.Â
But what was there left to say? No spacey sound of the telephone with Maranello on the other end, no furiously typing assistant in the corner, no PR person with a million ways to fix it all.Â
There was no space for words in the barren room, not from Carter, and certainly not from you.Â
The puddle of water on the floor of the hotel bathroom makes you want to dip right back into the tub. You forgot to turn the air conditioning off, and the blistering air flows inwards to your naked dripping body.Â
Forever, you'll pride yourself for keeping it in for that long. The sob that finally breaks out of you shakes your entire body, your wet hands are in your damp hair as you crouch onto the bathroom floor. Your forehead touches your cold, bare knees, face hot as you dig your nails into your arms.Â
Huddled in that bathroom, shivering but nowhere near cold, you wish you'd said no to Carter all those months ago. No to leaving your perfectly comfortable position in Maranello, no to the cloudy promise of something more, no to believing there was more for you if you'd just tried.Â
It stares at you as if you needed the reflection, as if the consequences of your actions aren't raking through your body. Like if you cried hard enough, if you regretted it horribly enough, it would all undo itself.Â
The thread meant to take you to the other side was unfurled, yanked by your own hand. But you find yourself tangled in it instead, knotted and inevitably stuck.Â
Your fingers itch for the scissors.Â
BAKU 2025
Chan beats around the bush while attempting to give Mingyu a pep talk, but he doesn't need to be told to know that this might be the worst track on the calendar to be as distracted as he is.Â
Mingyu skips media day, a decision made for him, but he wonders if it's made things all the more worse. Less regarding the very hefty fine it's resulted on his tab, but more so the blatant avoidance of it all.Â
It's all the way to Sunday, and Mingyu is yet to physically see you around the paddock. Hugh and Seungcheol take his meetings and debriefs, his complaints and notices. He's constantly surrounded by people, someone's always speaking to him about something or the other. He isn't entirely sure if it's deliberate, but he swears he's always had his choice of minutes to sit down and breathe. Everyone is around, everyone he can see. All but you.Â
But he knows your there. Because as soon as he sits in the car, your voice is very real in his ears.Â
It seems you've finally learned how to sound normal when speaking to him, because he hears the very obvious lack of strain in the way you talk. Suddenly there's no pause that makes him cringe, no misplaced comment that does too much or too little.Â
The irony of it isn't lost on him. Of course you'd pick now to fix it, when it's all too late.Â
Mingyu misses out on pole by a hair, Seokmin in his eyeshot as they wait inevitably for the lights to finally go out. He's staring at the rear end he'd be fighting for the next two hours when he hears you.Â
"Radio check."
Mingyu's voice catches in his throat. His helmet is closing in on his nose when it's anything but, his visor blurring while the screen remains spotless.Â
He opens his mouth, his tongue too dry.Â
Does he make his list of obscure shark breeds? Does he throw all good sense to the wind and start rapping? Nothing seems to be appropriate.Â
"Mingyu, can you hear me?"
Inevitably, he opens his mouth. "Yeah. Testing, can you hear me alright?"
"Radio check complete."
Mingyu doesn't remember the lights going out, but his body reacts for him. The strain of his focus is apparent, but he can't help but feel like he's driving on autopilot. The first couple laps are close, he thinks he might be able to overtake Seokmin, but is humbled very quickly by the sharp Baku turns.Â
Seokmin stays trailing in front of him, closer and then farther away, the most frustrating game of push and pull. Mingyu had to learn to be patient, his carting days riddled with disappointing results in the beginning, all because he let his frustration have at the wheel.Â
He remembers a particular race where he'd sent his helmet flying across the garage, angry tears in his eyes only adding to his humiliation. He was so close, so, so close. If only he'd waited till the turn to overtake, he wouldn't be two places behind where he'd started. Of course, the element of being thirteen years old in a high adrenaline sport was partial to the rash decision making, but he learned quickly the wonders of having a level head after that.Â
Mingyu's managed to keep to the regime for the years that followed, to curb his frustration when he could feel it holding the wheel instead of his own two hands.
He's gotten close to Seokmin again, a frantic "Gap?" as you tell him "2 seconds." Mingyu's nearly there, hot on his heels as he makes it so his front tires are parallel to Seokmin's rear. He's pushing, till he realises the turn is going to hinder him almost immediately.Â
And then he feels it. An itchy feeling in his blood, one he hasn't felt for so long. Mingyu feels the irritation shoot into a rolling boil, all before the simmering warning can register. His annoyance costs him a few seconds; he doesn't need to ask you, Seokmin's farther away than he's been all race.Â
The shaky feeling evaporates as soon as he registers the excess of tarmac in front of him, at least he thinks it does.Â
Mingyu's back on Seokmin's tail, he's gotten close enough before, now he needs to finish the job. The opening comes when Mingyu's redeemed himself on the straight and the next turn is coming their way. Seokmin makes the fatal mistake of slowing a fraction of a second before Mingyu, and suddenly, their tires are parallel as they make their turn.Â
There's a moment where Seokmin's wheel touches Mingyu's, the contact eliciting sparks he cannotnot see, but most definitely can feel with the tremor inside the car. He curses under his breath, but remains diligent on the pedal.Â
The outcome of the turn is in sight, but unfortunately for Mingyu, so is Seokmin's car in his peripheral vision. Mingyu's on the inside, sacrificing much of his grip to keep up with Seokmin's luxury of space on the outside. For a wild moment, Mingyu thinks he's being pushed off the track, the realisation urging him to move as much to the right as physically possible.Â
And then, when the turn ends, there's less of a dark figure in the corner of his eyes, receding smoothly but slowly. Mingyu's gonna make it.Â
His rear tires are now parallel to Seokmin's fronts, the overtake one of the slowest he's ever done, but he cannot complain when it's working. He needs to keep pushing, keep his hands and feet exactly where they are till he can come out the other side.Â
Soon, they're approaching their next turn, and it's one Mingyu quickly realises he should be dreading.Â
Turn 15 looms within eyeshot, and Seokmin just hardly out of it. Mingyu braces, keeping one eye on his rearview where Seokmin is getting too close for comfort.Â
Every bone in his body screams at him to slam on the brakes, the wall taking over his vision with every passing millisecond. The high buildings of Baku shield his vision, and for a fraction of a second, he feels claustrophobic. The Baku track is taking over his visual field, the blaring wall becoming bigger, bigger, bigger.
Mingyu's eyes snap to see the rotating tires of Seokmin's car, the feeling that he's finally begun to brake. That's when Mingyu decides it's his turn, the wall inexplicably close as he slams it, turning his wheel despite the G force working entirely against him.Â
His steering wheel is turned, his car is turning, Mingyu can feel the turn make it's way around.Â
Till he doesn't.Â
Mingyu doesn't realise what's happened in that moment, all he knows is that Seokmin has surpassed him, and he's watching the sleek, speeding Mercedes whizz past, as Mingyu's Ferrari is sent directly into the barrier.Â
All within a second, Mingyu has his epiphany, and brings out all he has left in him to brace for impact.Â
His eyes are closed as the crash around him surmounts the roar of the engine, surmounts every piece of engineering that made his car, surmounts the friction of the cars that continue to speed past the catastrophe.Â
Mingyu thinks he passes out for a moment, because the next time he opens his eyes the car is stationary, and there's nothing he can see beyond the dark of debris and the thin sliver of sunlight seeping from above. He's breathing heavily, the sound loud in his ears.Â
It doesn't take him long to realise what happened, but he still feels slumped against his seat, head lolling forward before hitting the rest again. The steering wheel in front of him is multiplying by threes before returning to just the one, a sudden bout of vertigo engulfing him.Â
His own blood rushing into his ears is all he can hear for a while, till the real world slowly begins to trickle in.Â
The sound of his name echoes in the hollow of his ears. It's calm, collected, stable, all opposed to the hurtling of his heart and mind. The buzz surrounding the voice is slow to dissipate, but steady.Â
"Mingyu. Mingyu, can you hear me? Answer if you can hear me. Mingyu, do you copy?"
Your voice registers in his mind, and he can muster the effort to keep his eyes open to the spinning world around him. It's there again, his name, your voice. On repeat.
"Mingyu, answer me if you can hear me."
His mouth is dry, but he makes it. "I'm okay."
"Safety car's there, they're gonna get you out."
Mingyu manages to pull himself out when the debris and broken wall is lifted off of his car, marshals in jumpsuits helping him up. He takes his helmet off, and then his balaclava. Still as suffocated as he was when he was stuck in his car.Â
Reality snaps him back into place in a way he can only describe as vile.Â
The piercing roar of an engine cuts its way through the turn, slower because of the crash and the safety car, but taunting nonetheless. Someone is pulling him, a medic with his hands on him that asks him too many questions, flashlights in his eyes and water bottles shoved in his face.Â
Mingyu's back to working on autopilot, all the way back to the garage.Â
Mingyuâs head feels like an anvil.Â
He isnât sure if the hat that hinders half his vision is helping or not, but he makes no move to remove it. The back of his eyelids are reprieve from the lights of his room on the paddock, only to turn into a canvas for his racing thoughts.Â
A knock on the door is a sledgehammer to his brain, a grimace making its way onto his tired face as he braces himself to perceive the empty room. His sisterâs voice filters through the door, quiet and guarded.Â
âTheyâre ready for you,â she says. Timid, transposed for the usual abrasion she directs at him.Â
The acid in his chest feels like it could burn a hole through him. But he gets up, a difficulty in his joints as they protest the move. Minseo says nothing as she takes him in, silently leading him to the hoard of press that sits before a table, ready to grill him on the events of today.Â
Mingyu wants to go home.
Thereâs a chorus of greetings as he enters the room, cameras already flashing. Heâd long suppressed the irate impulse of shoving cameras away from his face, but he might be regressing.Â
He responds with a mild acknowledgment of the reporters that gather round the table, shifting into the chair set out for him. Itâs crowded, too many people in a secluded area of the Baku paddock, huddled with too big cameras and microphones around a round coffee table.Â
The post race conference had presumably wrapped up, but Mingyu was not one of the three podium standers to grace that particular hall.Â
Somebody from behind him lets them know they can begin hounding Mingyu with questions.Â
âIâm gonna start by asking how youâre doing?â one of the closest ones to him asks. His face is blank, tone monotonous.Â
âIâm alright. Looked worse than it was,â he responds plainly, nodding.Â
âThatâs good to hear.â The reporter pauses, like heâs attempting to phrase the obvious. âSo, would you tell us what exactly happened at turn 15?âÂ
âWhat seems to happen at turn 15 a lot," Mingyu responds matter-of-factly. âThe Mercedes was on my tail and I thought I could risk a delayed brake. Wheels lock up and then Iâm suddenly in the wall.âÂ
âDo you think it couldâve been a podium for you if it werenât for the crash?â another asks.Â
âWho knows.â
âWould you classify this as a mistake or a gap in skill?â
Mingyu hopes they donât catch his jaw tightening, but they probably did.Â
âIt was a lapse in judgment. Itâs a difficult turn and I let myself get cornered. Couldâve been better off taking the risk of Lee overtaking me but thatâs not how it turned out.â
âMingyu, youâve appeared to have high morale since joining Ferrari this season, will this incident be affecting future performance?â
Another one pipes up. Someone in the corner with eyes like a hawk. âAnd what of the rumour thatâs been circulating in the press in recent weeks?â
Mingyu is not moving, or else they would catch the way heâd halted entirely. A sour taste fills his mouth, metallic and uncomfortable.
Mingyu had known this would happen, the only question was whenâheâd gotten his answer. He sits there attempting to gulp inconspicuously, to dry his mouth before opening it.Â
âWhat rumour?âÂ
Mingyuâs voice is gravelly as he answers, and he has to hold back a curse.Â
The reporter is too slow, because without proper conference guidelines restraining him (or ethical considerations entirely), someone interjects.Â
âThe rumours talking about the possibility of the car beingâŠtampered with.â
Mingyu exhales in lieu of a sigh of relief. âIt was human error, canât tamper with that.â
The person whoâd initially asked the question seems to have recovered, because sheâs now stepping in closer.Â
âAnd what of the other rumours?â she asks, pressing.Â
At that moment, it clicks.Â
The blonde woman heâs never seen before, steps forward with a mic thatâs unmarked. But he knows who she is.Â
The question is left open-ended on purpose, to catch him in a slip. His mind is ablaze, uncharacteristic anger coursing through him as he attempts to steel himself. He will not relent.Â
âItâs been a long weekend. And Iâd really appreciate it if you could refrain from vague questions. Thereâs a million and more rumours about me, the team, my past, my future, more that I probably wonât ever hear.âÂ
She pushes her tongue into her cheek, visibly irked. Satisfaction blooms in Mingyuâs chest.Â
But it remains short lived as he watches her open her mouth. Spearlike.Â
James Calicoâs apprentice recovers quickly from Mingyuâs jab. Mouth opening like it was ready to suck his entire being into the abyss.Â
âThereâs only been one headline overtaking your name in the past weeks,â Selina Thatcher continues. It was going to take more to hear her say it outright, of course, a tactic sheâd learnt from the best.Â
Mingyu however, has also learned to be stubborn from the best, and manages to hold his ground while at ease, âI will repeat, and ask you to be specific.â
Mingyu refuses to break eye contact with her artificially coloured irises, the bright blue boring into his eyes like they were meant to hypnotise. With the way that she operates, he wouldnât put the thought behind that decision past her.Â
He sees her closed mouth move, like she was thinking. Before finally, she lets it go.Â
âRumours regarding your race engineer," she says. "More specifically, regarding you and your race engineer."Â
Mingyu does not relent as he continues to stare into the horrid woman's face.Â
When Mingyu had read the name James Calico in that squash court, he could not bring himself to be awfully surprised. At best, the man was a pap with the instinct of a shark out for blood. At worstâŠhe'd rather not think about what happened the last time Calico decided he wanted to cause a scene.Â
He's smart though, he deserves that much, sending his apprentice moles out to stir the already boiling pot. Thatcher's face is disgustingly smug, and Mingyu's lingering vertigo wants nothing more than to throw up his breakfast all over her pristine coat.Â
But he settles for words, because he knows it's all he has.Â
He makes sure he's locking eyes when he says it. "Is that an appropriate question to be asking me."Â
[19:46]
[Old Raisin]:Â medias on fire
[Old Raisin]:Â idk if i should hit you or congratulate you
[Mingyu]:Â neither preferably
[Old Raisin]:Â why did you say thatÂ
[Mingyu]:Â You can put it up to post crash brain fog
[Mingyu]:Â Anything
[Mingyu]:Â I dont careÂ
đ 18+, minors DNI đš minors and blank blogs will be blocked
đïžđš Brought to you by @camandemstudios' Lights Out Collab
As his race engineer, youâve spent five amazing years guiding McLaren superstar, Joshua Hong, to victory after victory. But in that fifth year, you learn something horrifying about yourself: youâve fallen in love with your driver. Youâre not willing to let your heart get in the way of everything youâve worked for, so you do the one thing you know is guaranteed to keep both of your careers safe: you leave.
Two years later, Joshua inadvertently comes crashing back into your life with an announcement that rocks the F1 world. Before you know it, youâre on his doorstep with an offer you know he wonât be able to refuse, ready to guide him back to where he needs to beâone last time.
â« Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now Starship
F1 GLOSSARY FOR THIS FIC
PAIRING: joshua x fem!reader
WC: 28.4k / 93.9k (oh my god.)
TAGS: coworkers to best friends to LOVERS WEEEEE (tags for whole fic can be found on the series masterlist)
SMUT TAGS: unprotected piv, fingering, oral f. receiving, overstimulation, cream pie, morning after sex, missionary, cowgirl, spooning position
A/N: i cannot apologize enough for how long this took. i finished this through sheer guilt lol. i am still going to continue to be a bit inactive bc i've had a death in the family and work has taken over my life, so sorry for not replying to asks, comments, etc. but i'll get to them soon!!! hope u like this one! even though it's ending on a personally sour note in my life, i still loved writing this sosososo much. my fav joshua fic to date. okie bye have fun hehe.
ITALIAN GRAND PRIX 2023 FP1
"Iâm so sorry⊠I donât think I can do this."
"Why are you sorry, Shua? Come on in.â
âBecause,â he croaks, voice hoarse and cracking every other syllable, âI havenât missed a single race since I started.â
âItâs about time then! All the more reason to ditch,â you say, shrugging a shoulder. You smile at the team principal when he shoots you a severe look from down the pit wall. Your job probably entails encouraging Joshua to tough out whatever nasty bug he caught and see the weekend through, but you literally only have a handful of races left before youâre done with McLaren. You cannot be bothered with repercussions. âDonât feel bad. This is what the reserve drivers are for. We all want you safe and healthy more than anything else.â
âMaybe not all of us,â Wonwoo mutters, side-eyeing the team principal as the man continues glaring at you.Â
You ignore him in favor of Joshua. âIâm so proud of you for even getting out there for free practice. Frankly, youâve looked horrible since we landed in Italy.â
âGee, thanks.â He canât even say those two words without coughing horribly. You wince at how congested and phlegmy he sounds, and it makes your own chest hurt.
You briefly wonder if this is what itâs like to be in loveâif near-debilitating empathy is part of the deal. Because if Joshua was sad, you were near tears. If he was angry, you were ready to deck someone. If he was sick (like he is now), you suddenly wanted to go back to school to study pathology and find a way to eradicate germs forever (like you want to now). If this is what itâs like to be in love, you must have been in love with Joshua for so long before ever really knowing it. Youâve always been this way with him. It just feels so much bigger now that you notice it.
âWhat the fuck was that? Why did you tell him to ditch his job?â
âHeâs still got the lead in points even if he misses this race,â you say simply. âHe can afford to rest.â You donât bother explaining why Joshua would still deserve to rest even if he couldnât afford it.
âYou donât make that decision! This is not about Hong; itâs about the team! Did you not stop to think that the points Hong would contribute from this race would put us further up for the Constructorsâ Championship?â
Youâre out of your seat and walking away from the wall before the team principal can continue his line of angry questioning, leaving Wonwoo to take care of the mess you made when you encouraged your driver to drop out. Of course you thought about the hit the team would take from pulling him from the track, but the thing is, the team principal is mistaken; it is about Joshua Hong to you. And youâd let McLaren lose every single championship for the rest of time if it meant Joshua was healthy and happy.
Your driver is already parked and out of his car, pitifully swaying on his feet as you approach him. Heâs struggling with removing his own helmet, and by the time you get to him, he still hasnât gotten it off.
âGod, youâre really going through it, arenât you?â you mutter, gently slapping his hands away from his own chin.
He reaches up to shove his visor open, bloodshot eyes looking at you with so much exhaustion, you feel it seep into your own bones. It gives you pause, your fingers stilling against the buckle.Â
âShua, you look like death,â you inform him.
âNot really enjoying this never-ending parade of insults,â he grumbles.
âI'm not trying to insult you,â you insist as your fingers continue to work. The buckle releases, and you gently tug his helmet off him. Heâs sweating profusely, hair stuck to every spot it touches his skin. You fight the urge to push it back off his forehead. A member of the crew grabs the helmet from you wordlessly, scurrying off to do whatever they have to to prepare Joshuaâs reserve driver. âIâm just confused about why you went out there in the first place.â
His skin is pale and clammy, and it looks like it will take every ounce of energy in him to respond. He does it anyway. âDidnât want to let anyone down,â he breathes, hand instinctively grasping your forearm when the step he takes forward makes him too dizzy.
âYouâre not letting anyone down,â you assure him, guiding him into the garage. âWe want you healthy.â
âYou want me to be healthy.â
âWell, yes.â
âMcLaren wants me on the track.â
âAnd who cares what they think?â you scoff, sitting him down on a bench while you grab him a water bottle. You hand it to him and he presses it to his forehead, so you grab him another one. He looks at you in confusion. âOne for your forehead, the other to drink. Please hydrate.â
He nods once, accepting the bottle after you open it for him. âThanks.â
âLetâs get you to your hotel room.â
âLetâs?â
âWho else is going to take care of you?âÂ
âIâm not taking you away from the race,â he argues, shaking his head at you as he slumps against the back of the seat. âTheyâll have our heads.â
âJoshua, Iâm a handful of races from leaving McLaren,â you say, ignoring the wince it inspires from him. Maybe if you keep mentioning it casually enough, heâll believe it isnât the huge deal it is to both of you. Maybe youâll believe it too. âAnd youâre primed to win your second title. What are they going to do? Fire us?â
You reckon he doesnât have the energy to argue anymore because he says very little as you start to get him ready to leave, fighting furiously against a blush when you bring him to the private driverâs suite and realize you have to change him out of his race suit and into his sweats.
âYou sure you canât just⊠go home in the suit?â
He slumps into a seat at one of the tables and cranes his neck back to look at you with an unamused expression. Heâs most literally drenched in sweat from FP1, and you imagine asking him to go home in his race suit would be the equivalent of asking him to swim in his own filth in the midst of this sticky summer. While sick.
âRight.â
âDonât worry,â he coughs, waving a hand weakly at you. âIf you grab my stuff out of my locker, I can change myself.â
You do as he requests, only taking a minuteâtwo topsâbut when you come back, his neck is limp, head thrown back where he immediately fell asleep the moment you turned your back on him. You sigh, shoulders sagging.
âLord help me,â you whisper, shaking your head to yourself as you set his clothes on his lap and get on your knees.
You unlace his boots slowly, taking them off one at a time before pausing and steeling yourself for whatâs next. The good news is there isnât much to change Joshua out of. The bad news is that the shoes are the only things you can remove to stall. The next item is already his race suit. And once that comes off, all that will be left is Joshua in his fireproof underwear, and the idea makes you shiver against your will. Itâs not seeing him without the suit that scares you because the fireproof garments are long sleeves and pants. But Joshua is going to want to change out of those too. And if his suit and his garments are soaked in sweat... his underwear will be too. And he'll want to change out of those. Andâ
âNo, no, I cannot do this,â you mutter, scrambling up from where youâre kneeling. âItâs an invasion of privacy!âÂ
Joshua groans in his sleep at your shriek-whispering but doesnât wake up. You call the only other person you know can help. Wonwoo shows up in less than five minutes, kicking you out of the suite so he can change your driver, assuring you heâs seen Joshua in the locker room enough times that this would not be a âgross, horrible invasion of privacyâ that would make him âutterly and whollyâ despise you.
After heâs changed, Wonwoo gives you the OK to come back in, and you find Joshua conscious again, smiling at you lazily.Â
âSee, told you I could change myself.â
âWonwoo changed you.â
âYeah⊠kinda crazy to wake up in the middle of a fever to a six foot man tugging on your underwear...â
âOkay, shush, come on. Letâs go,â you say, jerking your head toward the door.Â
âUm, and where are you going?â Wonwoo asks.
You glance at Joshua, who glares at you, saying everything he wants to say without having to: You should stay here. You should do your job. You ignore him, pulling your boss aside to talk in a hushed whisper.
âWonwoo, look at him. Do you really think heâs in any state to get back to his hotel room and take care of himself?â you ask.Â
âAn assistant, whose job is to do these kinds of things, can get him back to his room, where heâll sleep like the dead for the rest of the weekend. Then, you can check in on him. After you do your job and get his reserve driver ready for Q1, which is where Joshua would want you anyway,â he says in that tone you hateâthe one that reminds you he is your boss at the end of the day.
âIâm almost done!â you whisper, glancing at Joshua to see if he can hear you. You almost roll your eyes when you find the man knocked out again. âI only have seven races left after Monza. Iâve been training my replacement for three months now. Let him show the execs what heâs made of!â
You actually donât care about the development of the race engineer stepping into your role, but you know itâs a good enough argument.
âI canât.âÂ
Or not.Â
âI can cover a lot for you, but I cannot give you permission to miss a race, Y/N. Not without a good reason.â
âThis is a good reason!â you argue. What could be a better reason than your best friend being so ill, he canât hold himself up?
âA good reason is you being sick. Are you sick?â he asks, making it clear itâs not a rhetorical question when he looks at you expectantly. You clear your throat in a weak attempt at a cough. His eyebrows fall flat as he glares at you. You shake your head. âA good reason would be a family emergency. Or an emergency involving a significant other. Are you either of those to Joshua?â he asks, tilting his head at you like he knows youâre in love and is daring you to say it.
You narrow your eyes at him. âYouâre being condescending.â
âNo, Iâm being your boss. Weâre friends. Good friends. Youâll be standing up there with me as a groomswoman when I marry whatever unlucky person stumbles into my life.â You canât help your pout. âBut Iâm also your boss. Getting my job done involves you getting yours done. You might be leaving at the end of the season, but Iâll still be here, and my neck is still on the line too.â
You look up at him, feeling ashamed of yourself. You have the utmost respect for Wonwoo. Heâs been your biggest supporter and ally. Heâs unlocked and held doors open for you for the last five yearsâeven kicked them down for you sometimes. But when it comes to Joshua, itâs never been a choice for you. Thereâs very little that you wouldnât do for him, especially now that you know you love him and especially now that youâre on borrowed time.Â
âWonwoo,â you sigh, defeated. âIâm going.â
He sighs twice as hard, shaking his head at you. âYouâre unbelievable.â The shame grows. âEver since he came into your life, youâll do anything at the drop of a hat for that man. Youâre incapable of thinking of or choosing yourself anymore.â
âWhat is that supposed to mean?â you ask, voice sounding as small as you feel.Â
âIt means I know exactly why youâre leaving McLaren,â he informs you.Â
It would be easy to play dumb with anyone else, but the way he looks at you so intenselyâa gut-wrenching mix of satisfaction and disappointmentâmakes it impossible. Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. He nods.Â
âYeah. Surprise, I have fucking eyes⊠and glasses.â The addition pulls an unexpected laugh out of you, but you quickly cut it out when he makes it clear how annoyed he is. It takes a moment for him to shake his head and speak again. âAnd the dumb thing is you donât even need to leave. I wouldnât let them do anything to you about it. Joshuaâwouldânever,â he emphasizes the words with a fist to his open palm on each syllable, âlet them do anything to you over it either.âÂ
Your eyes flit to the manâs form, where his body twitches randomly as it falls deeper into his sleep cycle.Â
âBut youâre always convinced you know whatâs best for everyone and that the only way for you to make things right is to bend over backwards in the most ridiculous, impossible positions,â he says. You think this is the most youâve ever been perceived. âYou could just ask for help. You could just ask for partnership. You should know all about that.â He inhales before ending his rant with: âI canât make you stay. But I can ask that you think about what Joshua would want too. Because I donât know him even a fraction as well as you do, and even I know the last thing heâd want is for you to give up something you love so much because of him.â
âItâs only one race.â
âWe both know Iâm not talking about the race.â His eyes soften and he shrugs. âIf you need to go tonight, then go. Iâm not going to get fired if you donât stay; McLaren would burn down to the ground without me anyway.â You both smile because you know itâs the truth. When his smile fades, Wonwoo says, âI just want you to think about whether youâre doing the right thing⊠or if youâre just doing the easy thing. Is this whatâs best for you two, or is it easier for you to pretend like it doesnât exist if youâre not looking it in the face every day?â
You donât have anything to say to him, so he leaves, clapping you on the shoulder before he does. You both know you wonât be joining him at the pit wall. Even with all the questions heâs left you with, and even with the doubt thatâs now blooming in your chest, youâll choose Joshua.
Youâll get him back to the hotel, and youâll take care of him all weekend, ignoring calls from the team principal and CEO. Heâll feel better by the time you get back to London, but youâll inevitably come down with whatever it was he had and passed onto you. And heâll miss almost a week of work to take care of you as a thank you for your service in Monza, which results in McLaren pettily benching him for the next raceâan empty threat that goes nowhere since Wonwoo points out Joshua missing another race on top of the Italian Grand Prix would put the Constructorsâ Championship in jeopardy.
And instead of accepting the help like your boss would tell you to, youâll focus on just how easily Joshua let himself get in trouble for you and how quickly he comes to your side whenever he even thinks you might need him, and the guilt will set in. Youâll convince yourself that even if Wonwoo is right about everything, leaving is what needs to happen if it means Joshua wonât be burdened with you and your feelings anymore.Â
You donât need or want his input about it. You do know whatâs best, at least where Joshua Hong is concerned. Youâre his fucking race engineer, after all. Knowing whatâs best for him is literally your job.
You and Joshua both swore youâd talk, but it turns out thereâs not much talking either of you really want to do. Instead, for the next several weeks following the night in your garage, you both fall into a routine.Â
Every night, you leave the Academy together since he practically moved back into your home. You make dinner together or you pick up takeout. Maybe you work some more or watch a movie or just hang out, wildly laughing in the living room like kids. But most of the time, youâll end up pinned under himâon the couch, in your bed, against the shower wall, on the floorâbegging for both a reprieve and even more. In the morning, if he wakes up first (although a seldom occurence), he lazily fucks you awake until the two of you are inevitably and embarrassingly late. You dodge Jihyoâs wiggly eyebrows, Eunchaeâs huge, prying eyes, and Joshua, himself, whoâs hellbent on getting you to display any level of PDA toward himâeven if itâs just a touch of his arm. Then you repeat.Â
And you donât get tired of it. You canât imagine ever getting tired of it. Your heart and body are both making up for lost time and you get the feeling that they'll never really catch up. At least you hope they never do. Nothing in your life has ever felt as good as being in love with Joshua does, and youâre getting swept up in the sensation of him loving you right back. He shows it in everything he does and says. He shows it in every glance, embrace, and kiss. He shows it every time he loses himself in youâevery time he leaves a piece of himself inside you.Â
So you donât talk. You avoid bringing up what this means for you. You don't discuss his sabbatical, his inevitable departure, and your commitment to making it work regardless of where he is in the world. You start to think the words can be left unsaidâthat maybe it will be easier to just cross that bridge at the end of the season. That maybe confessing your love to each other was enough to communicate everything you wanted to say anyway.
You tell yourself that as time continues to fly until itâs suddenly the girlsâ fourth race and F1âs Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal.Â
Saki has a healthy lead in points with Megan following and Eunchae, having climbed up in the last two races, right on her heels. You're now halfway through the season, and you're happy to see that Joshua's words stuck with them. The girls continue to huddle together in their pre-race pep talks, double check each other's helmets, cheer with near-animalistic energy for the drivers that make it to the podium, and hold each other tight when some inevitably don't make points. They also continue to bond over shamelessly catcalling professional F1 drivers, which is exactly what they're doing as Joshua's very own reserve driver, Soonyoung, approaches the pit lane to say hi to their instructor.
âWow, you just let them treat the drivers like pieces of meat like that?âÂ
You swivel around in your chair so abruptly, you almost throw yourself right off of it. âWonwoo?!â
Your body is up and running toward him before you can even fully register that the ever-elusive engineer is standing on the Academy pit wall.
âMissed you too,â he laughs when you do nothing short of throw yourself into his arms.
âOh my god! Youâre always so busy on race weekends!â For the last two years, no matter how many races of the Academyâs overlapped with F1, neither of you ever found the time to see each other even for a moment; you only really saw him during the off-season, when you would visit him to make sure you kept your groomswoman status.
âYeah, the briefing went smoothly and our drivers are pretty much set, so I thought Iâd make good use of my break and come find you,â he explains, grin wide on his face as you pull away. âYou have some time to catch up?â
âYes!â you exclaim excitedly, glancing at Joshua to find the man violently shushing the girls while the driver next to him blushes furiously. You figure you have about half an hour before they'll need you back in your seat for the race. âYes, of course! Letâs go to the Academy suite. Howâve you been?â He smiles, following you as you start to lead him down the wall and through the paddock.Â
âIâve been really good. Busy as always. Of course, everyone misses Hong, but Iâm still having the time of my life drowning in spreadsheets.â You laugh because you know itâs not an exaggeration. âHow about you? Howâs the Academy? How's it like having Hong work for you?âÂ
âHe doesnât work for me,â you correct him, rolling your eyes. âHe works for Jihyo.âÂ
âPfft. That man has only ever worked for one person, and it sure as hell isnât my CEO and itâs definitely not your CEO. Youâre the only breathing being in the world that can make him work as hard as he does⊠maybe aside from his own mom.â You glare at him over your shoulder. âWhat? You disagree?â
âUm, yes?â You throw the door to the Academyâs hospitality suite open, not bothering to hold the door for Wonwoo, who just laughs again. Â
âOkay, well youâve always been stubborn.â
âDonât I know it.â You groan when you see the only other person in the suite is Jihyo. Sheâs seated at the break table in her Academy tee and black jeans, eyes glued to her phone as she undoubtedly sifts through emails. She greets Wonwoo without looking up. âHey, Jeon. I see youâve found your star engineer.â
âI have,â he nods, immediately going for the couch as you go to the mini fridge to grab yourselves water bottles. You leave one on the table in front of Jihyo, who mutters a thank you, immediately opens it, and takes several sips.
âWhatâs she being stubborn about now?â Jihyo asks.Â
âNothing,â you answer before Wonwoo can. He just smirks as he takes a bottle from you, his body jostling as you plop down on the other end of the couch. âHow's it going without F1's best race engineer by your side?â
He snorts. âIt's going. Though if you ever want to come back, youââ
âShe doesn't!â Jihyo cuts in, smiling tightly at Wonwoo, who shrinks back into the couch a bit. âShe's perfectly happy here, aren't you, Y/N?â
You laugh. âEh, I'm doing okay.â
Jihyo doesn't entertain your joke. âBut if you ever get tired of working for The Big Papaya,â she says to him, âI'd be more than happy to find you something to do at the Academy.â
You scoff. âUm, hello? You already have a head tech exec. Me? What the hell are you going to have Wonwoo do if not replace me?â
She shrugs. âI'd double his McLaren salary just to have him sit in my office and answer my phone if it meant pissing off that CEO.â
He grins and shakes his head. âReally enticing offerâfielding calls for you instead of overseeing the most prestigious racing series for the most successful team on the grid. Iâll be sure to keep it in mind.â
âDo that,â Jihyo says with a nod.
âShe can't keep from poaching everyone from McLaren,â you explain to him. âI'm not sure why she's so set on robbing that man of all his talent.â
Wonwoo laughs. âDoes she need a reason? You of all people should know how fun it was to make him mad.â
âFun?â you repeat incredulously. âYeah, if you consider leaning back at a 45 degree angle while he screams at you for 15 straight minutes because you're afraid the vein in his forehead is going to explode, then yeah. That was fun.â
âSorry, with how often you got yourself into trouble, I'd assume pissing McLaren's CEO off was your favorite pastime.â
âOoo,â Jihyo jumps in again, thumbs still flying against her screen as she continues working without missing a beat. âShare with the class, Jeon. What kind of trouble did our sweet Mickie get up to?â
âLet's see⊠where to startâŠâ
âHow about we don't start at all?â you ask sarcastically. He ignores you and barrels straight ahead, rattling off memories of all the times you got your ass handed to you by Wonwoo's boss.Â
âOh, how about the last time we were all here in Montreal?â You have to fight to refrain from groaning as Wonwoo tells Jihyo why the CEO of McLaren was on the verge of strangling you that weekend. âShe and Joshua thought it would be fun to spend the entire race doing karaoke instead of their jobs.â
âOh my god, I remember this!â Jihyo exclaimed, looking away from her phone briefly to grin at you. âMy entire feed was clips of your radio transmissions for weeks! You do a fantastic rendition of âI've Had the Time of My Lifeâ by the way. Joshua definitely carried the team, but entertaining nonetheless.â
âWhy, thank you so much.â
âThey got slapped with a time penalty for singing songs F1 doesn't have the royalties to,â Wonwoo says flatly. You roll your eyes.Â
âAnd he still ended up on the podium, did he not?â
âOkay,â he nods and sits up like he's preparing to have an argument with you. âHow about the time you two stayed up so late on a race night, he managed to forget what box meant and missed a pit stop?âÂ
âThankfully, I'm a ridiculously prepared and responsible engineer that makes enough of a buffer for him to be able to afford a missed stop,â you point out haughtily. âAnd again, he still made the podium that weekend.â
âYou nodded off and woke yourself up with your own snore.â
âYeah, after he had already crossed the finish line!â you argue. âMy job was done!â
âOh my god, what kind of shit do you do at the Academy?â Jihyo mutters like she's second-guessing who she hired.Â
âThere was the time she refused to sandbag Joshua during FP; she also edged out his teammate for the podium that weekend.â
âAh, my first-ever offense,â you hum as you nod. âWhat a sweet, sweet memory.â
âYou were an entirely different person, huh?â Jihyo muses, smirking as she types. âShe's been with me going on her third year now and she has yet to commit her first offense.â
Wonwoo scoffs. âYeah, because you didn't have Hong around.â He sighs dramatically. âI invite you to think hard about her behavioral changes after you poached Hong.â
Jihyo rolls her eyes. âWhy is that everyone's favorite word? âPoached,ââ she says the word with the disgust only someone who has never poached employees from McLaren can be capable of. She takes a moment to think before she tucks her phone away and smiles at you. âCome to think of it, she's never pissed me off, but once Josh joined the team, her punctuality went down the drain.â
You wince as you think of all the sleepovers where Joshua refused to open his eyes in the morning and forced you into a situation where you had to dodge Jihyo's suggestive smiles all day.
âAnd they can't pay attention in meetings they're both in for the life of them,â she tells Wonwoo.
âI think our work speaks for itself,â you mumble.
âSure, sure.â
Wonwoo nudges your foot with his and when you look at him, he smirks. âSpeaking of you and Hong⊠lots of rumors going around.â
You groan just as Jihyo starts giggling the way she uncontrollably does every time she thinks of the social media shit storm that came from Shanghai's media pen. She has dozens of the memes that resulted from it saved on her phone.
âAnd they're all true,â Jihyo says, incredibly smug. You gasp at her willingness to divulge your own secrets. âLove is in the gasoline-polluted air.â
Wonwoo's brows reach his hairline as you hiss at her. âYou have the biggest mouth.â
âWe're all besties here,â she replies, shrugging.
âOh my god, they're actually true?â Wonwoo asks, voice cracking a little from surprise. âHe took the sabbatical to help you through a pregnancyâŠ?â
Jihyo chokes on nothing, hand going to her chest as she starts coughing erratically, while you nearly spit out the water you just took a sip of.Â
âOh my god,â she wheezes, âthat's a new one, oh my god.â
âWhat?!â you shriek. âNo! No, I am not pregnant, what the fuck?!â You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. âWhere are these jobless people getting their information?! No, we are not married or pregnant or on our honeymoon or any of those ridiculous things! We're justâŠâ
âYes, please do tell us what you are,â Jihyo says, having recovered from her coughing fit. Voice deadpan, she sarcastically tells you, âI've been dying to know.â
You glare at nothing in particular. âWe're⊠just⊠we are exploring.â
âExploringâŠâ Wonwoo repeats with a raised eyebrow.
âYes. Exploring what this could potentially be⊠and whatnot.â
ââWhatnotâ is code for exploring each other's bodies,â Jihyo clarifies.Â
âHR is never around when you need them,â you lament.
Your ex-boss cracks a smile at that, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing when you sink lower on the couch and cross your arms over your chest petulantly.Â
âI'm not shocked,â he says, waving a hand at your silent and contained tantrum. âYou two were always just a matter of when. Seven years is a crazy âwhen,â but to each their own.â
âSorry, and who are you dating?â you ask with narrowed eyes.
Jihyo giggles again, earning another glare from you.
âBeing bullied by you two is exhausting.â
Wonwoo sighs, shaking his head. âWhat a shame.â
âWhat is?â
âI guess I was just holding out hope.â When he notices you still look clueless, he continues. âI mean even though his email sounded pretty serious, I was hoping he'd change his mind, but now that I know the rumors are true and you two are an item⊠well, no chance of him changing his mind now.â He shrugs. âI guess McLaren will have good news for Soonyoung.â
You frown. âWhat? What do you mean?â you ask, the question obviously taking him by surprise. When he doesn't immediately answer, you tell him, âJoshua is still going back to McLaren at the end of the season. It's just a sabbatical.â
You think of the way his smile has gotten bigger, his laughs are louder, his skin glows brighter, and his eyes shine with renewed joy and purpose as he works with the girls. He has undoubtedly fallen back in love with the sport, and youâre certain you've done a good job of steering him back to where he should be when the season ends: right there, back with Wonwoo and the rest of the team.
Jihyo looks at you with a carefully blank expression. âWhat do you mean?â she asks quietly. âHaven't you two talked yet?â
It might have been a while since you updated Jihyo on the non-updates you have regarding your intention to talk to Joshua, but something about the way she asks forms a knot in your stomach.
âNo?â you answer, perplexed. âTalked about what?â For once in her life, she looks speechless. You turn back to Wonwoo. âWhat are you talking about? What email?â
He looks between you and your CEO uncomfortably, but he knows you well enough to know better than to make you press him for answers.Â
âUh, Hong⊠he, umâhe formally resigned from McLaren,â he answers, making your stomach abruptly and violently lurch. There's a sudden and unrelenting pounding in your ears, making it hard to hear the man even though he's right next to you. He fidgets as he informs you, âHe didn't provide a reason why.â
âWhatâŠ?â Your voice sounds so far away. âHe can't do that! He can't quit! HeâŠâ It can't be true; his demeanor has improved so much since you first spoke to him about his position in Barcelona. F1 is where he belongs. F1 is not F1 without Joshua.Â
You must've said the thought aloud because Wonwoo smiles weakly and says, âI mean⊠F1 has been around since before Joshua's mom was even born, let alone Joshua.â You look at him incredulously and he hurriedly adds, âBut totally! I get what you mean!â
âWhen did he submit his resignation?â
Wonwoo fidgets uncomfortably, glancing at Jihyo, who simply shrugs at him. He answers, âAbout a week before your season began.â
You scoff. âOkay, that was months ago! He probably did that when he was still caught up in all his feelings from announcing his sabbatical.â
It's an easy explanation; heâs had months to change his mind, and now that heâs enjoying his time at the Academy, it should be clear this world is where he belongs. He must have changed his mind by now.
It's an easy explanation and Wonwoo decimates it with just as much ease. âHe's going to be at MTC next weekend to complete his exit process and work with PR on an announcement,â he tells you, grimacing as he does. âHe reconfirmed his availability just a few days ago.â
Your chest feels heavy and you lay a palm to it, pressing and rubbing firmly like that will help you breathe a little easier. It doesn't.
âI⊠I thought I was handling it.â
âHandling what?â Jihyo asks softly.
âMaking him fall back in love with racing again,â you mutter. âHe was right,â you say, referring to McLaren's CEO, âJoshua lost his spark, but⊠I thought I was helping him find it again⊠I thought I was helping him find his way back.â
âOh honey,â Jihyo says, standing and making her way over to you. She sits on the other side of you and rests a hand on yours. âThat was never your responsibility.â
Wonwoo nods in agreement. âHong's a grown man. He knows what he wants and he knows what's best for him.â He says the words emphatically and they sound familiar. âThat was never a burden for you to take on. Not then, not now.â
âThis is his sport,â you say to yourself more than anyone. âThis⊠is our sport.â
Jihyo purses her lips like she's begging her filter to work for once and truly mulling over what the right thing to say is. Wonwoo doesn't look any closer to figuring it out either.
âWhat is he going to do? This is a temporary position⊠what is he going to do nextâŠ?â
Your CEO squeezes your hand. âI think it's time you talk to him, babe.â
Wonwoo nods solemnly. âI'm sorry. I don't know why I assumed you knew.â
You shake your head but that's all you can manage right now to communicate it isn't his fault. âI, um.â Swallowing feels like choking back sawdust. âI should head back to the wall. The race is starting soon.â
âOf course. Let's go,â Jihyo says, standing with you. âI'm going to watch.â
âI gotta head over to the garage,â Wonwoo says, joining you. âIt was nice seeing you, Y/N. I⊠I hope everything works out with Hong. Call me when you're free to have dinner, okay?â
You nod and try your best to smile at Wonwoo as he quickly hugs you and makes his exit, feeling an inkling of guilt for ruining your first time together at a grand prix since you left. It's useless, though; you know it's a sorry excuse for a smile and that you've thoroughly ruined the happy mood. You can't help the way the disappointment paints every part of your face and body. You failed.Â
You set out to do the single most important thing you would ever do for Joshua, and you failed.
ABU DHABI GRAND PRIX 2019
"It doesn't even matter if you make podium or not. You literally just need to be above him."
"I'm a little offended you don't know by now that that's just not going to be good enough."
You nod because it was the response you were 100% expecting. Of course it wouldn't be good enough for Joshua to win his first title in only his second season in F1; he has to do it in first place too.Â
âRight,â you say before pursing your lips. Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you like he's silently asking you what you expected. You wave him off wordlessly. âOkay, well. If my driver wants first place, I guess he's getting first place.â
âMmm, that's more like it.â
The lights go out and without a beat of hesitation, Joshua's car takes off from P2, right behind Mercedes's veteran driver Ocasio in pole position.
Lights out and away we go! the commentator shouts from the stream. We've got Joshua Hong on McLaren and Benito Ocasio on Mercedes battling it out for the championship tonight with both coming into this race tied at 369 points. We're in a unique situation for this race. The gap in points between these two drivers and the rest of the grid is large enough that the next two places on the championship lineup were already decided several races ago. This grand prix tonight, here in beautiful Abu Dhabi⊠it might as well just be Hong and Ocasio alone on that track. This race will decide the fate of only two drivers tonight. This is a battle between 95 and 31. Everyone else will be smart to stay out of their way tonight.
âClean, clean, keep it clean,â you whisper to yourself as Joshua defends the first turn from P3. In general, the first lap always makes you nervous because it's generally where most of the crashes in a race happen, but the first lap of a championship race? Your nerves are so tightly wound, a simple âhelloâ from someone right now has the power to send you into psychosis.Â
As if wanting to prove you right, two cars toward the middle of the pack make brief contact, one of them wobbling dangerously before eventually losing control and crashing right into the barrier instead of making the turn. Even with Joshua far from the fiasco, you clench your muscles as you watch the other cars frantically dodge the pink car. No one else crashes.
âAlpine just crashed,â you inform Joshua. âSafety car coming out. It'll be quick, but I'll let you know if you're about to lap.â
âCopy. Is he okay?â
You watch as the marshal reaches the crash and the driver clad in pink pops up and out of his car, visibly angry as he kicks the rear tire in frustration.
âHe's fine. Focus on Mercedes.â Joshua doesn't need to be told twice, giving the driver absolutely no breathing room as he stays on his ass for the next three miles. By the time they finish the first lap, the safety car is gone and full-speed racing has continued.Â
Nothing changes for the first dozen laps, both you and Joshua saying very little to each other as he focuses on trying to overtake P1, and you focus on staying on top of his strategy.
âHe's got him pegged,â Wonwoo groans. âThis guy majored in Joshua Hong. Got a fucking minor in McLaren.â You bristle at the idea of Mercedes locking their driver in a room to study yoursâhis strengths, weaknesses, techniques, and strategyâfor hours on end. Sure, you and Joshua did the same, but you hate the idea anyway.Â
âHe doesn't have him pegged,â you insist even though you don't quite believe that yourself. âHe's only seen what's been broadcasted.â
âYeah, and everything has been broadcasted,â he mutters. You don't have the emotional capacity to fit irritation alongside everything else so you don't bother glaring at him.Â
Since the race first started, you've been wracking your brain for somethingâanything. And for the first time in 48 races⊠absolutely nothing is coming to mind. Ocasio is just as hungry for it as Joshua is; he's been in F1 three times as long with no title to show for it, and his contract with the prestigious works team is on the line. This is the closest he's gotten to becoming the world champion, and he's going up against a second-year driver for it. You wish you could tell yourself itâs okay if Joshua doesn't winâthat he has the rest of his career to achieve so much, but this could very well be Ocasio's last chance to be something great in Formula. You wish you could. Instead, you tell yourself you'll actually have a full blown meltdown if you get this close and don't get Joshua on the middle of that stupid podium.Â
Everyone else is worried over winning the Constructorsâ Championship over Mercedes; you're worried over letting Joshua down over something he so badly wants.
âIt's only your second year. Don't be so stressed,â you told him just before the race, even though you had zero place giving anyone advice about what to do with their stress when yours was currently completely ravaging your body.
You handed him his helmet, which no one had touched aside from you. This time, he had secretly asked that not even Wonwoo touch it todayâsomething about feeling extra protective of his energy. He put it on and stared at you with those expressive eyes, and you saw the desperation and nervousness and doubt. You felt like you were staring at a boy. You felt like you were staring at a younger Joshua on the verge of achieving everything he'd ever dreamt of. You saw how much it meant to him.
âI'm not stressed,â he said, voice even. You didn't fall for it, though, and he knew you didn't. His mother was right; he was such a bad liar.Â
âWeâll win.â
âOkay,â he said just before he flipped his visor down and turned away to get into his car. He didn't say it sarcasticallyâlike he didn't believe you. In fact, it was very much the opposite. He said it as if just because you had uttered the words, they would be true. He said it like he really believed anything you told him was right.
And it instilled an unfathomable and unexplainable fear in you to know someone trusted you so deeply.
âShua, how are the tires feeling?â you ask on his 22nd lap. He's the only driver on the track who hasn't boxed yet, continuing to insist the degradation feels minimal. The only reason you keep allowing it is because he never fights you back on anything, and you want to trust heâd be honest with you.
âManageableâ is all you get. You sigh and turn around and away from your monitor, watching as Joshua passes in a blur of orange. He disappears into a turn and you glare at nothing in particular. Is this the best you can do? Have your driver chase another and hope the other one fucks up?
âHe has to box soon,â Wonwoo tells you. You're about to turn around to agree when something catches your eye. A single cloudâhuge and fluffy and shaped perfectly like the head of a cauliflower.Â
âRain isn't on the forecast, is itâŠ?â you ask, knowing damn well itâs never rained hard enough at Yas Marina to warrant wet tires.
Your boss makes a sound of surprise. âRain?â he repeats. âNo, it's not on the forecast.â
You frown at the big, chunky cloud as it slowly crawls across the black sky, taller than it is wide. âDid you even look?â
âI don't need to look,â he snorts. âIt's never rains atââ
âWell, please look,â you say before speaking into your headset. âShua, track check, please.â
âNo changes,â he grunts.
âClear?â
âYup.â
âOh shit,â Wonwoo says behind you just as Joshua asks, âWhy?â
âJust checking,â you tell him. âThanks.â
You turn back to Wonwoo, who's peering at another engineer's monitor. You lean into his personal space to get a look, and you thank whatever god exists for your eighth grade science teacher and for the other teamsâ complacency with this track. If you're smart about your moves, no one will realize that the cloud you spotted is the first thunderhead heading toward Yas Marina until itâs already pouring, which the forecast estimates will be soon.
âRemind me what tires Ocasio is on?â you ask. He took his pit stop just three laps ago.Â
âHard,â someone answers, confirming what you were hoping: Mercedes changed out his tires without looking at the weather.
âOkay,â you sit back down, adrenaline flooding your system almost immediately. âThe second we pit him and change to intermediates, the entire grid will hear it on the broadcast and know to check the weather, and they'll be onto us fast. How many laps can he go before he absolutely has to box?â
âI say five max,â the performance engineer says. âMore comfortable with four.â That's around 6-8 minutes if Joshua keeps driving each lap at the speed he has been.
âWe'll box him on lap 27,â you make a split decision and tell your team, taking the risk to push your driver for five more laps. âThat gives these clouds eight minutes to cook up a storm for us.â
You switch to the private channel to notify the pit crew, telling them to refrain from bringing out the intermediates until the very last moment.Â
âShua, your air pressure is looking a little funky,â you say, even though the telemetry data clearly shows it's fine. You know he'll remember your code for the rain. âYou'll probably feel fluctuations for the next five. Keep it calm and clean for now.â
âWe need, like, a million code words and phrases,â Joshua said, sprawled across the floor of Wonwooâs office. The head engineer laughed through his nose as he pored over his work at his deskâprobably because you and Joshua met just yesterday and this is one of your first orders of business.
âA million seems excessive,â you responded from where you were seated on your boss's worn armchair, a McLaren relic at that point.
âWell, a million different things could happen on the track.â
You nodded. That was very true. âWhat about a code forâŠâ
âRain?â Joshua offered, looking at the windows as it poured outside. You smiled.Â
âWhy would I need to warn you about rain if everyone has access to the weather app on their phones?âÂ
He glared at you. âWhat if it's at a place where it never rains?â
âThen I probably wouldn't need to warn you that it's going to rain,â you pointed out, ragebaiting him. He felt familiar enough to do that with already, like an old friend.
âWhat if we're in Saudi Arabia⊠or Bahrain?!â he asked. âWhat if you don't expect rain but it's coming and you have to warn me?â
âOkay, but in what world would I know it's going to rain before everyone else does?â
âI don't know you,â he said petulantly. âYou could be psychic. How would I know?â
You smirked, finally letting him have his way. âOkay⊠say I'm psychic. What should we say for rain then?âÂ
âHow about, âDo you like the song Purple Rain by Prince?ââ
âWay too obvious,â Wonwoo muttered without looking up.
âFair,â Joshua sighed.
âWe can work off that, though!â you encouraged him. âHow about something like âgroovyâ? Get it? Because Prince? And grooves on a tire?â
âAlso obvious,â the head engineer muttered again. Both you and Joshua scowled at him.
âOkay, genius, how about you tell us what the code word should be?â you asked him. He looked up from his work and stared at you both blankly.Â
âIf we're sticking with the Prince theme⊠I guess âfunk.ââ
You both stared at him. âIn what context would I say âfunkââŠ?â
âIn what context would you say âgroovyâ?â he shot back. You bit back your laughter.
âYou could tell me something in the telemetry data looks funky,â Joshua said, nodding at the word. âI like it.â
âOkay, so I'll choose something that's very obviously not funky,â you added. âAnd then I'll find a way to give you a number and that will be the numberââ
He joined in as you both finished the sentence. ââof laps until it starts raining.â
âPerfect!â he grinned. âNow. How about if there's going to be a blizzard?â
âWhere the hell would there be a blizzard?!â
The memory of sitting in Wonwoo's office for hours last year, coming up with code words makes you smile a little. Joshua's line stays silent for a moment, and you know he's debating whether or not he should ask you if you're sureânot about the air pressure, but about the rain. In the end, all he says is: âCopy.â
You switch channels and tell the pit crew, âGet ready. Five laps. Don't let them see what you're up to until you have to.â
âCopy,â the head mechanic confirms.
âWe should bring the other driver in too,â the team principal, who's sat smack in the middle of all of you, says. Your head whips toward him.
âYou can't,â you argue. Joshua's teammate just boxed a lap ago. âIf he comes back in, everyone will know something is happening and they'll find out sooner.â
âA second sooner isn't going toââ
âA second is a lifetime in F1,â you interject. You're not sure why you have to explain that to the team principal. âIt will make a difference. We need every moment we can get before everyone else realizes itâs about to rain.â
âWe have a responsibility to the team,â he saysâa condescending reminder you don't need. Everybody knows every constructor on the grid only cares about the team.
âThe other driver isn't even in the points!â you nearly shout. âBringing him in won't help him; it will just squash Joshua's advantage!â
âNo, we'd be giving them both an advantage and getting us closer to the championship.â
You fight with every fiber of your being to stop yourself from laughing right in his face. Joshua's teammate, much like Benito Ocasio's, doesn't have nearly enough points to contribute to the WCC. This truly is a battle between Joshua and the Mercedes driver.
âWith all due respect, if Hong loses this, sir, the team loses the Constructorsâ Championship,â Wonwoo emphasizes your point. âOur time is best spent focusing on him.â
You hate the way the team principal actually takes pause to think about it just because the point came from a man's mouth.
âAs long as we get Hong to finish above Ocasio, both trophies are McLaren's,â your boss punctuates the point. The team principal purses his lips before nodding once at him and avoiding eye contact with you as he turns back to his monitor.
âAre you fucking kidding me,â you mutter under your breath as you and Wonwoo do the same.
âBreathe,â Wonwoo whispers. âYou have a driver to focus on.â
You shake your head as your blood goes from a mild boil to a simmer.Â
By the time Joshua gets to his 27th lap, the clouds have rolled in considerably, but none of the other teamsâ radios or pit crews show any sign of boxing their drivers.Â
âEveryone's so focused on the track, no one even notices how dark it's gotten,â Wonwoo says with wonder as he looks out at the circuit. To be fair, the floodlights that blanket the track are near-blinding. If you hadn't been desperately searching the circuit for an answer, you probably wouldn't have noticed either.
âBox, box,â you call loudly into your mic.Â
âBoxing,â Joshua confirms as he takes the last turn before approaching the pit lane. Ocasio zooms past as he does, the next three drivers replacing Joshua not far behind. He stops in front of the garage, the pit crew doing a phenomenal job of hiding the tires until the very last second. âYou sure?â he finally asks. His eyes are on you. You nod. He glances up at the sky before looking back at you and laughing. âGood thing we came up with the plan then, huh?â
You smile. âI guess you were on to something with your millions of codes.â
The team signals itâs safe to pull away and he does. As he disappears once more, you brace yourself for the commentator to announce Joshua is on wets now, but they don't. Instead, they're in a commotion over Red Bull.Â
Unbelievable! Kim is attacking his own teammate, Kwon! he shouts. Even you get distracted for a moment, eyes bulging as you turn to the broadcast. You watch as both drivers, while battling for P3, go full speed down the west straight of Yas Marina, side-by-side and dangerously close with neither of them easing up or falling back as they approach the turn. One of them is going to have to give way or Red Bull will be finishing the season with two DNFs!
âShua,â you speak to your driver. âYou're four seconds out from P3, both Red Bull drivers battling.â
âWhat?â he asks in disbelief.
âOne of them is going to crashâmaybe both,â you say, 100% confident of it as they close in on the turn. If they refuse to back off, they'll either take it full-speed and lose control, or they'll brake too late and too hard and lock out. âBe careful.â
âGot it. Let me know ifââ
Oh my god! the commentator shouts as Mingyu finally falls back.
Soonyoung slams on his brakes, locks out exactly like you knew he would, and fishtails wildly before crashing straight into the barrier, going at least 180mph. The car doesn't stop, catching air from the impact, grinding across the top of the barrier, and rolling several times before landing back on the asphalt upside down.
Kwon has taken a nasty crash into the barrier as Kim mercilessly takes P3 without so much as a blink! Red Bull is rightfully losing their minds on the pit wall, and the safety car is out!
âKwon crashed; the safety car is coming out,â you tell Joshua as the car speeds onto the track and overtakes your driver, slowing him down as they approach the crash site.Â
âOh shit,â Joshua breathes as the Red Bull car comes into his view. On the broadcast, you can see smoke rising from the engine, his car looking like The Hulk smashed it between both fists, smoothed it back out, and then flattened it with the heel of his foot.
Both the safety car and Joshua pass Soonyoung just as the marshal reaches the Red Bull driver.Â
âIs he okay?â your driver's voice is small.
You hold your breath as Soonyoung's unconscious body is dragged out from his car, limp with his arm bent at an awkward angle. You look away quickly.
âI don't know,â you say for the first time. Soonyoung and the wreckage of his car is taken off the track and the race resumes, with little news about whether or not the driver is okay.
"He has to be okay,â Joshua says a minute or so later. You know he's befriended the driver since Soonyoung was one of the few who didn't look at him like he was a poor piece of gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe. âThey would've stopped the race if he wasn't.â
âExactly,â you say, surprised by how shaken you sound. You clear your throat and nod even though he can't see you. âJust focus on making Mingyu pay for it.â
He doesn't even bother with confirming he heard you, instead flooring it as he closes the gap between him and Mingyu. You'd almost forgotten about the rain until Joshua reaches the remaining Red Bull driver just as the first drops begin to fall.
âHere we go,â Wonwoo inhales.
Whatâs this? the commentator asks, bewildered. Is it raining in Abu Dhabi?
As if it heard him, the sky opens up with a boom of thunder, and suddenly, the rain comes down all at once, pounding the pavement almost violently.
âHoly shit.â
A Formula first, folks! We have a wet race in Abu Dhabi! the commentator laughs incredulously. And we've already got several drivers hydroplaning on their slicks!
Immediately, several drivers lose control, sliding all over the track like their cars are skating on ice. You have half a mind to start dancing and celebrating when you see that not only is Kim Mingyu one of them, but so are P1 and P2, leaving a wide open window for Joshua.
âShua!â you shriek excitedly. âTwo seconds to P1, and he slid off track! It's yours! Push now!â
âPushing,â he says, passing P3 and P2 easily as they struggle to take control of their cars long enough to get them to the pit lane to change out their tires.Â
Hong is breezing past theseâheâs on wets! When did that happen?! He's on wets! The McLaren driver is on intermediates; we're being told he was switched out during his last pit stop right before the Red Bull showdown! Here's the radio transmission.
They show the play you and Joshua conducted and you tune out, watching as your driver zooms right past Ocasio's still, helpless car, an unstoppable, orange blur. You can't help but clap as he does, widening the gap between him and the rest of the grid considerably.
âWhen does the rain let up?â you ask Wonwoo.
âCan expect it to lighten in the next 20 minutes,â he answers.
âGood job, Shua!â you congratulate him on his placement. âKeep a close eye on the track for me, okay? The moment it starts drying up, we need you back in the pit to change you up.â
âGot it, boss,â he says, a smile in his voice. âGood call. How'd you know? That handy app on your phone?â
âNo, even better. My eyeballs and deep knowledge of cumulowhatever clouds.â
âAmazing, thank you, cumuloso-and-so clouds.â
Joshua widens his gap from P2 to a whole minute as everyone struggles to get to the pit in the downpour, easily lapping P17-19. By the time Ocasio's team gets him on tires suitable for the rain, he's already almost an entire lap behind Joshua. To top it all off, the Mercedes driver is only on his rain tires for two laps before Joshua radios in to let you know the track is drying. He pits at the next opportunity, the team putting him back on slicks, and he pulls away, considerably faster.Â
Phenomenal driving from Hong, and a truly magnificent show of expertise and talent from his engineer, Y/N L/N, the commentator says. Not only was he ahead by already being on wets by the time this history-making storm rolled in, but now, he's ahead as the track starts to dry up. Talk about intuition and foresight!
It's over and you know it. You don't say it out of fear that you'll somehow jinx it, but it's over. There are only three laps left, Joshua has lapped half of the grid, and Mercedes is so far behind, you could pit Joshua a third time for shits and giggles and he'd still be in P1.
Because you were fighting tooth and nail to keep your job last season, you were too busy trying to show your worth to your CEO to have any sort of tangible goals. Your sole focus was having another season at all; you wouldn't have ever thought a world title was on the horizon.
It isn't until he only has half a lap to go that you finally say it. âIt's yours, Shua.â
âIt's ours.â
He flies past the checkered flag to a roar of delighted screams and celebrations, fireworks and flashing lights, confetti and champagne, tears and laughter. As you watch Joshua's dreams come true, you get the nagging feeling that maybe his dream had become yours sometime in the last two seasons without you noticing.
You find you don't mind it.
Joshua Hong, in his second season, has won not only the Formula Oneâs World Driversâ Championship, but has secured the World Constructorsâ Championship for McLaren for the first time since 1998! Some drivers go their entire careers never reaching these heights, and Hong has done it in only two seasons! F1âs unlikeliest superstar has proven everyone wrong in the best way. He entered McLarenâs development program as one of their oldest participants and became a rookie with the least amount of karting experience on the grid, and now here he is: 2019âs World Champion⊠unbelievable, truly unbelievable. I donât think thereâs a person in the world right now who can argue how deserving the McLaren driver is of this. A job well done by Hong and a job well done by L/N. Congratulations to them and to McLaren!
The first time you met Joshua was at the McLaren Technology Center just a week after you practically begged your CEO to give you a chance with this rookie. You'd heard little to nothing about himâthis Joshua Hong. All you knew was that he entered the karting program way later than any of the other current drivers on the grid, and his stats from the development program were the best you'd seen in years. Still, everyone was writing him off.
There were jokes made that he was McLaren's Cinderellaâthat it was a wonder he got this spot over other drivers in the program who had paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to be here. There were people who attributed his climb up into F1 as a pity pickâjust someone with a rags-to-riches story to please the media and fill the spot, while McLaren desperately tried to win their first driver or constructorsâ championship in years with their most senior driver.Â
Even the CEO made it clear the organization's focus would remain on their veteran driver, who they thought was primed for a title. Wonwoo had also already been forced to spend most of his team's time and resources with him. You knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but almost having this opportunity ripped away from you before it was even yours lit a fire under your ass, and regardless of who was correct about who Joshua Hong was, you were going to make him bring F1 to its knees.Â
When you met him in the lobby of MTC, with his manager and an HR representative in tow, he was dressed in a white T-shirt tucked into black slacksâplain and forgettable on anyone else, but almost 10 years later, you still remember every detail. You still smell the cologne he had on, the way his clothes didn't have a single wrinkle, how big his smile was as he told you, âWhen I heard my race engineer was a woman, my mom and I were so excited.â
You can't say you fell in love right then and there because you don't think you'll ever be able to pinpoint the exact minute you did, but he definitely already had your heart one way or anotherâwhether or not you knew it at the moment. He was your best friend from the start.Â
Which is why youâre so confused about why he would decide to keep something as big as his resignation from F1 a secret from you.
As soon as the girlsâ race was over, you made your way back to your own hotel room, forgoing the media pen altogether. And instead of being able to drive yourself crazy all alone, thinking about what went wrong, when Joshua made this decision, and if you could've even done anything at all, Jihyo decided you could do all that with a friend.Â
She was at your hotel room in her sweats and a bare face just three hours after you left the race.
âI told Joshua I had an emergency and to stay and help the other staff tear down,â she says when you open the door. Her arms are full of snacks and she has a small, almost nervous smile on her lips. âCan I come in?â
You answer by stepping aside and opening the door wider. She comes in, kicking her shoes off before wandering deeper into the room and throwing the snacks onto your bed.
âI got the paddock services team to open a vending machine for me and I completely raided it, but if there's nothing here you want, we can order room service,â she says, taking a seat next to her mountain of stolen snacks. âOn the company card!â
âAll of our meals are on the company card on race weekends,â you point out.
âSure, but none of your meals are ever the $90 surf and turf,â Jihyo counters. You have nothing to say to that so you sit on the other side of her mountain.
âThis is good,â you mutter, going for a bag of gummy bears.Â
You're only on your second bear when the CEO gets straight to the point. âSo⊠what are you upset about?â
You stop mid-chew and stare at her blankly. âSeriously?â
âI'm not asking in a dismissive way,â she clarifies. âI'm asking so we can, I don't know. Unpack your feelings? Get down to the root of this? If you're not going to talk to Joshua, you should talk to someone.â
You can't help the embarrassment that warms your skin. You don't know why you've put this conversation off for so long; if you'd had it earlier, maybe he would've told you that he resigned. But you didn't, and now this conversation is going to be three times as hard as it originally would've ever been.
âWell?â
You put the bag of gummy bears down and wipe your fingers on your sweats, grateful when Jihyo doesn't bat an eye at you.
It's hard to explain why you feel so gutted over a decision that doesn't affect you. To make it even more complicated, you don't understand why you feel almost betrayed you had to hear it from Wonwoo instead of Joshua, especially if he decided so long ago. You went back and forth with yourself for the last few hours, trying to make sense of it, and you still haven't gotten anywhere.
âI'm mad that heâs quitting something he obviously loves just because of a bad season,â you say because it's the easiest thing to pick out and you have to start somewhere.
Jihyo nods as she grabs and opens a bag of Hot Cheetos. âMaybe it's not because of a bad season.â You know she's right; Joshua told you as much in Barcelona. âHow do you know he still loves it anyway?â
âHave you seen him lately?â you ask, flailing a hand like you're gesturing to an imaginary track inside your hotel room. âThe man is in love with racing! You don't look like that and sound like that and teach like that and not absolutely love what you do.â
She hums quietly, processing your words as the sound of her crunching fills the room. You can tell she's trying to think of where to guide you and the conversation next, but you're a race engineer. You're not the one who follows blindly, and now that you've started talking, you suddenly can't stop.
âDevastated is the closest word I have to what I felt when he told me he was tired of this world,â you admit to her as you think about that day you came to get him. âHow can he be tired of this world? He worked his whole life for this! He's just barely approaching the peak of his career, and he's ending it before he can even get there.â
âIs it the end?â
âWhat?â
âOf his career,â she explains. âIs it the end of his career?â
âWhat else would he do?â you ask, finding it impossible to figure out what on earth Joshua would be if it weren't an F1 driver. A fucking professional LEGO car builder? A sleepy pancake eater?  Â
âWhatever brings him happiness,â she says easily. You open your mouth to say the obvious (of course F1 makes him happy), but she continues before you can. âWhatever energizes him instead of drains him. Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is what he might actually want? That this isn't the mistake you think it is?â
You look up at Jihyo and expect to find judgment on her face because after all, it's a good point and what kind of person would you be to want Joshua to stay with something that only brings him exhaustion? But it's the opposite. She looks at you with a sort of curious compassion, and you know she truly is trying to help you unpack this.Â
âY/NâŠâ she sighs, bringing her legs up onto the bed so she can turn to face you fully. âWhy are you really upset? Don't think about a right answer or a nice answer. First thing that comes to your mind. Why are you upset?â
âIt feels like he's leaving me behind,â your mouth says for you before you can even fully process the reason for your meltdown. You widen your eyes at your own confession.
âOkay!â Jihyo encourages you, nodding. âThat's real! we're getting somewhere. Why do you feel like heâs leaving you behind? Your worth isn't tied to F1. He can leave F1 and still be with you.â
âI knowâŠâ you say helplessly because you do. That's why it's so hard to understand. âIt just⊠it feels like I tried my hardest to get him to stay in this with me, and⊠he still decided he was done with F1. With me.â
âHe's the opposite of done with you.â
You know realistically, that's true. You two have never been closerâhave never given yourself to one another the way you have in the last few months. But you can't help but tie everything you two are with this sport, and not having Joshua in itâeven if you're not the one guiding him on the trackâfeels too massive of a change for you to comprehend.
âHe's just doing what he thinks is good for him. Isn't that what you did?â she asks. âIsn't he allowed that too? He gave you that grace once, didn't he?â
The regret that seizes your heart is sharp and it leaves you breathless. She's right; Joshua literally watched you make a decision on your own, watched you prepare for months to create a new life without him, and then you didn't even give him the chance to watch you leave. You took that away from him. You left him with an incomprehensible change yourself, and you did it without even saying goodbye. And not once did he complain or hold it against you.
Giving you grace was an understatement.Â
âOh my god, I'm so stupid.â
âNo,â Jihyo argues. âYou're just a little lost in your feelings. That's why I'm here.â
âWhat I did was so much fucking worse, and I have the nerve to throw myself an all-day pity party.â
âYeah, well⊠you live and you learn,â she shrugs. You glare at her and she snorts. âWhat? What you did was objectively worse. You're by no means a bad person, but I do agree with you. I would much rather have my best friend or situationship or fucking-whatever-you-two-are prolong telling me about their resignation than take that resignation without saying goodbye.â
âOkay!â you shout, throwing a gummy bear at her face. It bounces off her forehead and makes it into her bag of chips. âI get it! Shut up now.â
âYou come to cheer up a friend and you get pelted by gummy bears,â she clicks her tongue in disapproval, fishing the bear out and popping it into her mouth even though it's covered in Cheeto dust. âIngrate.â
You sigh. âThank you. You're a good friend. And I love you.â
âI know,â she smirks, eating another chip before saying, âI love you too. And you're just as good of a friend. To me and to Joshua. You just need to see past your fears and let him explain.â
You frown at the idea. âWhat do you mean see past my fears?â
âI mean, you're so afraid you're losing him that you're just letting that be the whole picture. He hasn't even said anything to you. He doesn't even know you know!â she points out, scoffing a little. âAnd you've already gone and made a whole story up about how he's giving up on his dream and it means the end of his career and the end of you two.â
Your frown deepens.
âIn reality⊠you don't know anything at all, really. You just know what your fear has told you.â
âOh.â
âIt's seriously time you guys talk.â
âI guess it is.â
âBut before you do⊠can I interest you in surf and turf?â
It's well past midnight and you didn't respond to any of his texts or calls after the race and you didn't let him know you'd be coming, but you know Joshua will open the door and welcome you in anyway. He proves you right after only the second knock.
âHey!â he breathes, so heartwrenchingly happy to see you.
He's in an oversized tee and white sweats, his hair damp from a shower he must have taken in the last hour. He smiles and doesn't hesitate to pull you into his arms, holding you tight against his body. Even with all the emotions warring inside you, your arms still instinctively wrap around him and you press your cheek against his chest, closing your eyes briefly. He kisses the top of your head, lips resting there for a moment.
âI missed you, my love.â
You open your eyes and your hold on him loosens.
âI was worried about you but I figured you were just napping.â He pulls away, stepping aside to let you in, and closing the door behind the both of you. âIs that what you were doing?â
âHuh?â you ask as you slowly follow him further into his room, where he has race highlights playing on his laptop on the floor, several pages of notes surrounding it.Â
He laughs, looking up at you, brows furrowing a little in amusement while he bends down to clean everything up. âNapping? Were you napping?â
âOh,â you shake your head, watching him gather every last sheet of paper before heading to the desk to put it all away. âNo. I wasâŠâ After several moments trying, your brain won't supply the proper words, so instead, you just come out and say, âJoshua, I know you resigned from McLaren.â
His hold on his laptop slips, but one end was already on the table so it doesn't fall far. His back, turned to you and hiding his face away from you, is completely stiff, every muscle in his body seemingly frozen.Â
âI ran into Wonwoo today,â you explain, shifting your weight nervously from foot to foot. âHe let it slip thinking I knew, but⊠obviously I didn't.â
Joshua exhales slowly, hanging his head in what you imagine is shame. âI'm sorry,â he says, turning around to face you, already looking deeply regretful as he meets your eyes.Â
You pause to take a shaky breath before you take a few steps closer. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes tiredly like he's been dreading this conversationâlike he always knew this was going to be a point of contention for you.Â
He places his glasses back on his face and inhales deeply before stepping forward, resting his hands on your biceps, and saying, âI was going to tell you⊠I promise I was. You were going to be the first person who knewâat least, outside of everyone else who had to know first⊠y'know, for legal reasons. My manager. The CEOs. Wonwoo. The PR teams. Lawyers⊠but you were going to be the first one that mattered, I swear. I haven't even told my mom.âÂ
âI'm not mad you didn't tell me,â you say truthfully. It's been an hour or two since Jihyo dragged you back to your senses, and you know you're being honest when you say that. Parts of you are mad but not because Joshua kept this to himself. You've kept larger things to yourself for much longer. One of those things being that you were in love with him.
His eyebrows rise. âYou're not?â
You shake your head. âI'm⊠a little hurt and confused and⊠scared, I guess. But I don't think I'm madânot about you keeping this a secret.â
He rubs his hands up and down your arms, looking at least a fraction less on-edge than he did a moment ago. âI don't want you to be any of those things, most of all scared. Nothing has to change between us. I don't want anything to change between us.â
âYou're leaving F1,â you say as if that's a point to counter his.Â
âF1 isn't you,â he tells you like he knew this was going to be how you feltâlike he knew you'd equate his departure from F1 to leaving you behind too. âI'm not leaving you. I'm not even truly leaving F1.â You look up at him and tilt your head in question. âI'll always be a part of this world. One way or another, even if it's through you. Or just as a fan in the grandstands. I don't think I could ever fully step away. I'm just⊠trying something new.â
âBeing unemployed?â you ask, sulking.
He laughs now, his hands coming up to your shoulders and then cupping around the back of your neck to pull you forward so he can land a kiss on your forehead. âResting,â he says. âAnd focusing on something that makes me a lot happier than going vroom vroom in a car.â You can't help but grin at the phrase you recognize Eunchae saying several times in class before.
âWhat could possibly make you happier than going vroom vroom?â you ask, rolling your eyes at him. He returns the roll right back as he leans in to kiss your forehead again, this time leaving pecks on your cheeks, your nose, and your lips too.
âTake a wild guess,â he says against your mouth before leaning back once more.
âMe?â you ask incredulously, your panic, which had already been simmering down considerably, suddenly spiking again.Â
âYes, you,â he laughs, frowning a little like it's crazy you wouldn't connect thatâas if that's crazier than leaving his sport for you. âI finally have you. I'm not going to spend the majority of the year away from you now that I finally have you.â
âJoshua, Iââ
âHey.â
âOh my god, not now!â you shriek frantically as he pouts at your usage of his full name. âI can't be the reason you leave F1!â
âOkay, well. One, you're not the only reason, and two, why not?â
Your mouth drops open in astonishment at the question. How do you point out that this might not work without hurting either of your feelings? How do you say that he can't change his entire life for you?
Jihyo's voice suddenly cuts through your thoughts like a knife. Isn't that what you did? You suddenly have nothing to say.
âYou're scared things won't work out between us and I'll have made this huge life decision for nothing,â he mutters quietly, hands coming back to your arms to rub them comfortingly. âOf course, I've thought about that. Of course, I know that's a possibility. I don't care, though. I'm not happy in F1 anymore, Y/N. I haven't been in a while, and I'm⊠I'm really tired of pretending I have been.âÂ
You sigh, knowing that if it's a case of Joshua's happiness, you've already lost any argument this could have turned into.
âIf it helps you feel better,â he says, squeezing your arms, âI made the decision before anything even happened with us. I made it with a clear head⊠at least, a semi-clear head.â He smiles at you and you feel your resolve slip completely. âKind of hard to think totally straight whenever I'm even in the same city as you.â
It's impossible to suppress a smile after hearing that, and he immediately laughs and pulls you flush against him.
âIs that a smile I see?â he asks, as he brings a finger under your chin to tilt your head up at him. His lips twist into a playful smirk. âPretty.â
You glare at him. âAre you sure about this?â
âI've actually never been surer. I promise.â
You let that sink in. With Joshua, it's always been a game of hoping you can trust each other to be honest and to make the best choices, and not once has he ever let you down. You know you have no choice but to trust that this is the best path for him.
âOkay,â you finally say, nodding. âJoshua Hong is leaving F1.â
You know he's telling the truth when the sentence makes him smile widely. âHe sure is.â
Laughing a little, you shake your head and scoff. âI can't believe I left F1 for you just for you to follow me.â
His smile falters slightly and his brows furrow. âWhat do you mean?â
Your heart stops. What is in the air in Montreal? Did you catch something from Wonwoo and his big mouth? âIâŠâ
Your face and hesitation must give you away because Joshua's smile completely disappears now, and his brows pull down even further. âY/N⊠what do you mean you left F1 for me?â
âShuaâŠâ you stammer his name, unable to figure how to say what you know you need to. The weeks of putting off talking have led to this; you've always needed to tell him this. You just never figured out how to.
âAre you saying⊠did youâŠâ His grip on you loosens. âY/N, why did you leave McLaren?â he asks bluntly.
âPlease don't be mad.â
âWhy did you leave?â
âI left because⊠I was in love with you,â you finally say it. âI was in love with you and I knew it would ruin our careers and I didn't want to fuck everything up when you were literally at the top ofââ
âAre you serious?â he asks, hands completely falling away from you now. It makes you run cold. He pushes his glasses up into his hair and pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut. âPlease tell me you're joking right now. Please tell me it was solely because Jihyo poached you and you didn't throw your life away because of me.â
âI mean⊠I don't know that I would call it throwing my life away,â you say meekly, huffing a nervous laugh. Joshua drops his hand from his face and levels you with a flat, unamused look. You purse your lips before admitting, âI can't tell you that because it's not true.â
âOh my god,â he laughs, though it's clear he doesn't find this funny. âWhy would you do that?!â
âI told you, Iââ
âNo, don't say it was for me and my career, please don't say that.â
âBut it was! It was for mine too! Iââ
âI can't be the reason you left!â
You glare at him now, anger replacing all the complex emotions you had earlier. âI can be a reason you leave F1, but you can't be a reason I do?â
âExactly, I can't!â He agrees with your point. You narrow your eyes at him.Â
âThat's so hypââ
âIt's not,â he says sharply, shaking his head like he can't believe you don't see whatever it is he does. âIt's not hypocritical when you already spent five years making your entire life about me!â
âWhat?â you ask, your confusion stalling your irritation. âWhat are you talking about?â
He stares at you, breathing too quickly for your liking. Even during races, he was the picture of cool, calm, and collected. You don't think you've ever seen him like this. It drains you of your fight. Exhausted, you plop down on the edge of his bed, shoulders sagging a little.
âLook⊠I'm sorry I left. I am. You know how guilty I feel over it. But⊠I couldn't be the female engineer who fell in love with her driver.â
Joshua's face softens and he shakes his head. âNo, I know. IâI'm not mad you left. I'm⊠I'm mad that after everything we've been through together, you had to do something as big as change your entire career because of me. For me.â
You wait for him to continue, watching as he obviously tries to gather and make sense of his thoughts. He removes his glasses from the top of his head, using his shirt to clean the lenses before putting them back on.
âYou don't think it made me feel guilty?â he asks, shaking his head and leaning against the dresser across from you. âFrom the moment you woke up to the second you fell asleepâyou don't think it made me feel guilty knowing your entire life had to be me?â
âShua, Iââ He doesn't let you tell him that you loved your time at McLaren. That caring for him wasn't just something you were paid to do; it was something you loved to do.
âI was so committed to staying happy for you when you told us you were leaving for the Academy because⊠because at least that meant you were going to get to be your own person without the baggage of an F1 driver constantly looming over you.â You frown at the wording. You hate it. âJust to find out now that that wasn't even the case, and you left because of me. You left because of the baggage of an F1 driverâjust another thing to add to the list of things you've had to do for me.â
âYou are not and have never been baggage to me. I love you,â you remind him. âI did those things because I love you.â
âAnd trust me, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I'm so grateful you do everything that you do for meâŠâ he insists, âbut I donât want everything that happens between us to be you guiding and you providing and you sacrificing. You having the burden of deciding what's best for both of us. Youâve given me F1, youâve given me the Academy, you've given me everything you've ever had to offer me.â He pauses to catch a breath before saying, âIt's my turn. You have to let it be my turn at some point. You leaving F1 and me leaving F1 aren't the same, not when you've already given up so many things for me.â
âBut I didn't give you anything," you correct him. âYou worked for and deserve everything you haveâmore than anyone else! And I didn't even have anything to do with you getting into F1!â
He exhales through his nose. âThatâs not what I mean.â
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
He shakes his head and glares at the ceiling. âI spent five years, Y/N. Five fucking years with your voice as the soundtrack to the best and most thrilling and craziest and proudest and happiest moments of my life. And I thought it was the racing I loved. I thought it was the racing that made life feel so good. I swear to god thatâs what I thought it was.â
His eyes come back down to you, almost pleading with you to believe him.
âBut then⊠then, you left, and my headset went quiet and so did everything else and none of it mattered anymore and⊠it⊠it wasnât the racing!â His voice rises again. He runs his hands over his face and shakes his head. âIt was never the racing. Because itâs not worth it if Iâm not doing it with you.â
As soon as the words really hit you, you stand and close the distance between the two of you. His hand comes up to rest on your waist as you cup his face.
âShua,â you whisper.Â
âAnd thatâs not true just for the sportâlife is better when I do it with you,â he tells you, eyes a little glassy as he does. âF1 was only a means to an end. I did that for my momâto pay her back and to make her proudâbut you still had me believing McLaren was my dream come true anyway. The cities Iâve loved I only ever loved because of you.â
You think you understand what he means when he says you gave him F1 now, but you let him continue anyway.
âNow, you have me thinking the Academy is the best thing to ever happen to meâthat this is my dream come true now. I'm starting to think I could follow you to the depths of hell and youâd find a way to make that feel like home too.â
You laugh a little at that and he smiles at the sound. He squeezes your waist.
âI don't want to fight with you, baby, I really don't. I just⊠I love you, Y/N. I love you.â You nod, thumb caressing his jawline as you do. âSince we finished that first track test and every day since, Iâve loved you with everything I have. And watching you have no life outside of work because of me, get scolded for something dumb because of me, be expected to ensure I'm healthy and in tip-top shape at all times⊠it made me feel more like an inconvenience to you than your best friend.â
âJoshua, I neverââ
âI know, but you see what I mean, right?â he asks. âWhy it's so⊠gutting to hear that the one time I thought you were finally doing something for yourself, you were really doing it for me. Again. After all the things you already had to do for me.â
You frown, realizing he sounds a lot like Wonwoo did when he was begging you to reconsider your decisions in your last year in F1. You're always convinced you know whatâs best for everyone, he had told you. He pointed out that you thought the best way to help was to bend over backwards. I know the last thing heâd want is for you to give up something you love so much because of him.
You nod. âI do. I see what you mean.â
âI wish⊠I wish you would've just told me. I wish you would've let me be part of that conversation, and I know you'll think that's rich because you weren't part of the conversation when I decided to leave McLaren, butâŠâ He shrugs. âI want to be someone who can guide you and sacrifice for you and provide for you too. Now that I know you feel the same about me⊠I want you to know that thereâs no world where this sport means even a fraction as much as you do to me. So⊠no, its not the same, itâs not hypocritical, and itâs my fucking turn.â
You feel butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you lean closer to him, his legs widening to give you the space to.
âI'm sorry,â you apologize. âI'm so sorry I ever made this feel like it was just me calling all the shots and me deciding everything. That wasn't fair, and I know my decisions have caused you a lot of pain. I'm sorry.â He opens his mouth, but you shake your head and keep speaking. âI need you to know I neverânot onceâthought of this as an uneven relationship. I never thought loving you was a burden, and I never thought I helped you more than you did me. If anything, I was even more determined to do right by you because of the way you made me feel.
âThis probably doesn't surprise you, but I've been a bad ass my entire life,â you say, coaxing a laugh out of him. You grin. âI've always been confident in my abilities, and I've always known I could do whatever I wanted. But you⊠the faith you put in me and the ferocity you believe in me with⊠you make me feel unstoppable. You make me feel loved. You say it's your turn, but you've done so much for me already.â
He snorts sarcastically. âLike what?â
âLike advocating for me at every turn during those five years together,â you say without missing a beat. If this is the game he wants to play, you have a list longer than all the tracks in F1 combined. âGiving me a best friend I never even had prior to you. Showing me what caring about something really meansâbeyond the accolades.â
His frown melts away, so you continue.
âAlways having my back even if you knew I was wrong. Being the only person who ever took the time to get to really know me. Taking care of me every time I got sick. Getting fined several times for it because you kept skipping your training sessions. Sharing your mom with me.â He clears his throat and looks down as his eyes get shinier. âHow about swallowing all your sadness to try and be happy about me leaving for F1 Academy? How's about dropping everything and coming to London with me just because I asked even though we hadn't talked in two years?â
âOkay, I get it,â he says, voice dangerously watery. You smile, pressing the back of your pointer finger to his waterline to collect the tears there before they fall.Â
âJoshua, my time in Formula has only been as exciting and fruitful and unforgettable as it has been because of you. Even now. I love the Academy so much, but having you here this season has been⊠itâs been a dream come true,â you tell him, borrowing his own words. âIt's not anyone's turn. This is what we do, isn't it? This is how we love each other? Both of us strategizing what's best for the other one⊠neither of us knowing how to exist if it doesn't include the other one's dreams coming true?â
He smiles as he sniffles. âIs that what that was? Your reluctance to let me retireâwas that just you thinking you were helping me hold onto a dream come true?â
You shrug a shoulder. âIt's F1. And youâre⊠you.âÂ
He shrugs right back. âI'm not going back to racing every track in the world just to spend the entire time thinking about how bleak it is doing any of it without you. I canât.â
âAnd I won't ever make you again. Not without talking to you first.â
He nods. âThank you.â
You lean forward to press a quick kiss to his lips. âThank you. For everything. You have no idea how much I cherish you.â
He chases your lips to give you another kiss before he leans back and takes you in. He blows a breath out before asking, âOkay⊠so what nowâŠ? I've never had such a mature argument with someone. Are we just⊠done talking nowâŠ? Should we watch a movieâŠ?â
You laugh loudly, rolling your eyes at him as he grins at you. âHow aboutâŠâ you press yourself close to him between his legs, your mouth grazing his ear as you say, âwe celebrate your retirement?â
He squirms a little but doesn't move away. âCelebrate my retirement? You mean the thing you were just protesting 30 minutes ago?â
âIf you're happy, I'm happy,â you tell him honestly. âSo let's celebrate.â
âAnd how should we do that?â he asks, swallowing loudly.Â
You don't bother answering, instead letting your hands fall to his thighs. Before you can even begin to let them start traveling up toward his crotch, he wraps both arms around your waist, straightens up against the dresser, and kisses you deeply. Momentarily forgetting what you wanted to do, you bring your arms up to wrap around his neck, smirking into his mouth a little when he brings a large hand to your ass and squeezes so that your hips press harder against his.Â
âI love you,â he breaks away and says, his voice still emotional. âThis is all I want. You're all I want.â
âI love you, too,â you breathe, pulling away and looking up at him. You grind against him subtly, smiling when you feel him hardening against you. âWill you let me show you?â
He smirks. âNice try.â Your face falls. âWe can forget about taking turns tomorrow, but tonight, it's still my turn to provide.â He squeezes your ass again mercilessly hard.Â
You squeal when he uses a little nail, making him laugh. He gently rubs the spot to soothe it afterward, but you know either way, it'll bruise. Without saying anything, Joshua pushes himself off the dresser and turns the two of you around, easily lifting you up and seating you on the wooden surface. He smiles at you softly, but his eyes are dark and hungry and you feel like you're about to get eaten alive.
He removes his glasses, folding them and putting them on the dresser beside you before his fingers find the hem of your shirt. You lift your arms as he removes it, breathing loudly and slowly through his nose when he realizes you don't have a bra on. Instead of touching you like you were hoping he would, he hooks his thumbs into the thin fabric of your sweats, pulling them off you along with your panties in one go when you lift your hips to help him.
You try not to think too much about how naked you are and not-naked Joshua is, and thankfully, he helps you with that. He starts by slotting his lips to yours, his hands holding your face in place as he does all the work of sucking, licking, and kissing. It's slow and languid and messy, and you feel the wetness gathering between your legs more with every second you stay empty.Â
When he pulls away, a thin string of saliva connects your lips, and he follows it back to you, pressing a kiss to your mouth once more. You inhale sharply when you feel two of his fingersâstartlingly coldâpress between your legs, right on your clit like he's already memorized exactly where yours is.Â
âWait,â you whisper, grabbing his hand and bringing it to your mouth. You smile sheepishly. âYour hands are cold.âÂ
He watches intently and unblinkingly as you open your mouth and take his fingers into it, pressing your tongue flat against the pads of his fingers and sucking.Â
âOh my god,â he breathes.
You swirl your tongue around the prints of his fingers until they no longer feel cold against your muscle, and you release them from your mouth with a pop. Then, for extra measure, you exhale hot air onto them before slowly bringing his hand back to your cunt, refusing to break eye contact with him as you do. He looks so sexy like this, so smug and pleased to see you doing exactly what you want with him before he completely undoes you. It's hypnotizing.Â
As soon as his fingers are on your clit again, they start to move in slow circles, and try as you might to maintain eye contact, the sensation steals your breath away and has you tilting your head back and thrusting your hips toward Joshua in desperation. He doesn't quicken his pace, though, taking his time tonight to draw out your ecstasy. Slow, firm circles.
âShuaâŠâ you moan, eyelids fluttering as you stare at the ceiling.
âHmm?â His hum is low. He brings his free hand up to your waist, grazing it up your ribs, and finally cupping your breast, his thumb running back and forth across your nipple gently. âWhat is it, my love?â
He leans forward and kisses the space where your shoulder meets your neck. You groan as he sucks lightly, not enough to leave a mark but just enough to make your pussy twitch. Between all three places where Joshua's body comes into contact with yours, you're hurtling toward your first orgasm at an embarrassing speed.Â
âUse your words,â he says, his voice deep and breathyâthe only sign that he's as affected by you as you are by him.
âFeels so goodâ is all you manage to say as you roll your hips into his fingers. His hand comes up from your breast to your shoulder, and he gently pushes you back, forcing you to lean away and plant your hands behind you on the dresser. With the space, Joshua bends down and attaches his mouth to your nipple, his fingers never losing their pace or pressure.
âOh god,â you whine, trying your best to keep your legs open for him as your cunt starts to spasm.
His tongue circles your nipple just as slowly as his fingers work, wet and warm as he takes his time making you lose your mind. Your hips start to roll on their own, and you squeeze your eyes shut as you let your head fall back. His hand comes down to your hips, and you brace yourself for him to still themâto keep you from getting to your orgasm too earlyâbut he doesn't. Instead, as he releases your nipple and starts marking the flesh of your breast (a habit he's formed every time you've slept together), he simply massages your hip comfortingly, and his fingers start to pick up pace.
âMmm, Shua, gonna come,â you moan, your hips twitching under his hold.
He moves from your tits to your collarbone, kissing his way up your neck and your jawline. His hand leaves your hip to grasp your jaw and pull your gaze back down to him. His smile is long gone, and he already looks dazed and fucked out without having been touched at all yet; the sight has you groaning again. He surges forward and connects your lips, enveloping them with so much vigor, it's the last push you need to send you careening toward your orgasm.
You gasp against his mouth, one hand coming up from the dresser to grasp Joshua's shoulder desperately.Â
âSo beautiful,â he mutters against your lips before he pulls away.Â
Before you can even begin to complain about it, his fingers are both slipping inside you, his thumb replacing them on your clit. Your grip on him tightens as you try not to shout, his fingers pumping in and out of you, fucking you through your orgasm. And because that doesn't seem to be enough for him, he lets go of your jaw and pulls you to the edge of the dresser, making you lean even further back until you're slumped against the wall. He falls to his knees.
âJoshua, fuck!â you gasp when he lifts his thumb and flattens his tongue against your clit.
He glares up at you from where he kneels, but you don't have the wherewithal to correct your usage of his name. He stiffens his tongue and swirls it around your clit, downright refusing to let your orgasm fade as you helplessly writhe under his hold. He eats you out like he hasn't been fed for daysâferal, messy, desperateâand you actually start to wonder if you're going to survive, your body trembling as your first orgasm goes right into a second.
It feels like the best and worst thing that's ever happened to you. You feel euphoric and drunk, but you also feel like if it goes on for any longer, you'll just disintegrate under his fingertips.
âPlease,â you breathe, chest heaving as your hands start to frantically grasp at nothing against the dresser and the wall. Hot tears begin to stream down your face, and you're losing control of your legs, Joshua taking it upon himself to pin one down with his free hand. âPlease, please, Iâoh my god, I can't, pleaseââ
He hums against your clit, the vibrations drawing obscene sounds from you. Then, finally taking mercy on you, he removes his mouth from your pussy, makes two beckoning motions with his fingers before sliding out and leaving you empty, and lets you catch your breath. He cleans his fingers in his mouth, smiling against them at the taste before standing and leaning over you. He circles both his arms around your middle and grins proudly before kissing you softly and sweetly like he didn't almost just kill you right now. You lazily wrap your legs around him, and the moment you do, he lifts you up and off the dresser, and takes you to the bed.
He drops you on the mattress, making you bounce a little, and he stays standing over you, looking down at his work. His cheeks are a deep, pretty pink, his mouth is a little swollen, and his dick strains hard against the confines of his sweats. It makes you whimper a little.
âAw, don't cry, baby.â His sweetness wars with the mean smirk his mouth twists into. âDon't worry, I'll give you a break.â
He plants a knee between your legs and leans over you, propping himself up with a hand by your head. He watches you carefully while he takes his time pushing your hair away from your damp forehead, caressing your cheeks, tracing the mark he left on your breast.Â
âMy pretty girl.â You smile faintly and breathe deeply, feeling a little more in control of yourself again. âFeel good?â
You nod, not quite able to find the energy to speak just yet. Instead, you lift a hand to rest against Joshua's chest, rubbing a silent thank you over where his heart beats erratically. After a moment, you let your hand fall to the hem of his shirt, and you pull it up his torso, revealing the cut body F1 has demanded of him. He smiles but doesn't lift his arms to let you remove his shirt completely.
So you take your time letting your hands explore his bare chest, running over and pinching his nipples, squeezing his waist, tracing his abs with a single fingerâuntil you've reached the waistband of his black boxer briefs, just barely peeking over his sweats. You hook one pointer finger into the band, and you cup his erection with your other hand. His smile widens at the sensation, rocking gently into your hand.Â
âSo big,â you sigh softly.Â
âI'm all yours if you can take some more,â he says, hips rolling gently against your hand. You nod quickly, hating the idea of the night ending there. You don't think you've ever needed Joshua's cum inside you more than you have tonight.Â
âI can,â you insist, taking your hands back and propping yourself up on your elbows. Joshua takes the opportunity to kiss you, his tongue wasting no time finding yours.Â
You don't know how long you two stay like that, just making out and lazily running your hands all over each other, but by the time you break away, you're craving a lot more than his mouth again.
âTake it off,â you whine, yanking at his shirt again. He lets you remove it this time, smirking when he sees your eyes roaming his body. You hook your thumbs into the waistband of his boxer briefs and pull, but the angle doesn't let you get far at all. âThose too!â
âBossy,â he mutters as he pulls his sweats off, kicking them off his legs, but makes no move to do the same with his underwear. You groan but he doesn't do anything to appease you.
Joshua finally joins you in bed, letting the leg holding him up on the ground come to rest by your hip before he wraps an arm around your waist and moves you up the bed until your head is on his pillows. Before he can situate himself above you, though, you lock him between your thighs and roll you both over until heâs on his back and you're seated on his lap, right on top of his completely hard cock. You both moan at the contact, his hands coming to your hips and gripping them bruisingly tight.
âSo wet,â he mutters, eyes locked on your pussy as you try (and fail) not to roll against him. You look down and realize the spot on his boxers where you two meet is already growing wet and shiny from where you've ground your cum and arousal onto him.Â
He doesn't give you a chance to feel self-conscious over it, though, because he takes one hand and slips two fingers between you, gingerly running them up and down your slit before slipping them inside you. He looks pleased when you push down harder on his hand, taking more of him in until there's nothing else to take. He takes his other hand and places it behind his head like heâs making himself comfortable for the show, and the way his muscles flex make you squeeze around his fingers.
âShit,â he whispers when he feels you close in around him.Â
âNot enough,â you grumble, lifting your hips and doing nothing short of slapping his fingers away from you. He snorts with amusement but is cut off with a grunt of surprise when you violently tug at his boxers, enough that it drags his whole body down a bit.
âOkay, okay!â he laughs, hands closing over yours. âYou're gonna rip them! These are Givenchy!â As if you don't know what the tiny logo in the middle of the band is.
âGood!â you huff, pulling even more.
He laughs harder as he tries to take your hands off of him to no success. He settles for simply planting his feet into the bed and bridging his hips up to make it easier for you, and you finally, finally peel off his underwear.
You throw what you're sure are the most ridiculously priced boxers somewhere behind you as you grin and take your place back in his lap.
âYou're crazy,â he laughs again. âThose boxers costââ
He never finishes his sentence because at that moment, you hold his bare cock up at its base and you press it flat against you, rolling your hips into him shamelessly, your wetness spreading more and more across the underside of his shaft with each movement.
âI think itâs my turn,â you tell him, smirking when he actually whimpers under you.Â
Feeling re-energized and a bit slighted from your earlier never-ending orgasm, you don't bother easing his cock into you. In one motion, you split yourself open on him, fighting to keep from immediately crying again when he's fully sheathed inside you. The labored breathing and soft moans from Joshua under you are a helpful distraction from the delicious burn, though.
âOh fuck,â he gasps, eyes wide as his hands find their way back to your hips.
You lean forward, lips grazing his throat after a particularly loud moan, and you hum before asking, âWhat is it, my love?â You try not to sound too mean when itâs your turn to say, âUse your words.â
âFucking hell,â he swears, his hold on your hips impossibly tight. You can tell heâs fighting not to move under youâfighting to keep from driving his hips up and fucking into you uncontrollably like he has before. It should endear you since you know it's probably to help you get used to the feeling of him stretching you wide open, but it just makes you want to push him more.
âDo you like having me like this?â you ask, rocking your hips the tiniest bit. The small movement sends his hands straight to your ass. He squeezes desperately. âHm? Do you like being able to fuck me raw like this?â
âOh my god,â Joshua pants, squeezing his eyes shut.
âDo you like knowing you're the only one who gets me like this?â you ask, pressing a kiss to the middle of his throat. You feel his Adam's apple bob under your lips as he swallows.Â
âI fucking love it,â he pants, voice raspy. You feel him twitch inside you and you know your resolve is thinning just as fast as his is. âFuck, I love it so much. I love you so much.â
You look up from where you're hovering over his throat to find him looking down at you with half-lidded eyes. His chest heaves as he brings one hand to your face, brushing your hair back behind your ear so he can see your face clearly.
âThis was always how it was going to be,â he whispers, cupping your face with his hand. âIt was always going to be you.â
You don't know if he means you over F1 or you with him like this or just you in general, but whichever one it is, the words make your heart swell three times its size inside your chest. Without lifting your chest up from his and without saying anything else, you lift your hips all the way to his tip, relishing in the sensation of his cock dragging against your walls, before you slam back down. You give him no time to recover as you pick up an unforgiving pace almost immediately.
âShua,â you gasp when both of his hands grip your ass, following your movements as you fuck yourself on his dick. âI love you.â Your whispers are staggered and hardly discernible but you know he hears you because he starts to thrust his hips up to meet yours.
It doesn't take long before his movements become frenzied, and he pushes himself up on one hand so that heâs sitting, the other arm wrapping around your waist to support you. Then, he starts thrusting into you so hard and so fast, it immediately fucks every thought out of your head, and you're rendered useless, your body limp and boneless as Joshua holds you up and fucks you like his life depends on it. Your head lolls forward until your forehead is resting against his.
You lock eyes with him and neither of you can seemingly look away as you both inch your way closer to a climax. You don't think anyone has ever looked at you the way Joshua hasânot in this moment and not even when you were still at McLaren, trying your hardest to be nothing more than best friends. It's hard to even explain, but you think itâs the closest way he can tell you he loves you without saying it outright. You hope he feels the same when you look at him.
ââm close,â he pants, immediately turning you over and pinning you under him once more.Â
Joshua keeps his arm wrapped around your middle, bringing you as close to him as he can. He continues pounding into you, his dick kissing your cervix and balls slapping against your ass with each deep thrust. Both sensations have you curling your toes and digging the heels of your feet and your fingernails into his back.
âI could stay in you forever,â he tells you. âI could do this for fucking ever. God, I never want to stop.â
âCome in me,â you beg, tears escaping the corners of your eyes again. âFill me up, Shua. Please, come in me.â
His hips snap forward harder and rougher as he starts to struggle to keep his head up, his forehead finally coming to rest against your shoulder just as you start to come.
âShit!â you breathe, every place you're holding Joshua tightening around him without your permission, including your cunt.Â
âGod,â Joshua grunts against the sensation of you clamping down on his cock. âOh fuck, so close.â
You barely hear the words over the rush of blood in your ears as he chases your orgasm mercilessly. Your pussy flutters around him uncontrollably, spasming up and down his shaft as the feeling of helplessness and overstimulating pleasure return from earlier.
âJoshua!â you shriek, hand flying up to the headboard above you and pushing against it to ground you as his movements begin to violently thrash you further up on the bed.
You feel the delicious, burning heat of him inside you before he tells you itâs happening.
âComing,â he gasps, âI'm coming, I'mâfuck!â He thrusts several more times before he starts to slow the roll of his hips.
You feel him dripping out of you, and you smile at the feeling, knowing he filled you up just like you begged him to. You hold him close to you and breathe deeply as he finally stops and collapses on top of you, the aftershocks of pleasure slowly spreading from your core to every other part and corner of your body like a slow-moving magma.
You both lay there like that for several minutes, waiting for your hearts to stop beating so fast, and when your breaths return to normal, Joshua carefully slides out of you, presses several kisses to various parts of your face and body, and helps you up and into his restroom where he insists on running you a bubble bath despite it being the middle of the night. You have zero desire to object.
He sits you in between his legs, carefully and gently washing your hair and skin as you two talk and, at some point, start laughing over his boxersâhim teasing you for being so desperate and you teasing him for spending almost $400 on underwear (âIt was a brand gift! I'm literally a Givenchy ambassador!â âI don't care, it's ridiculous!â).Â
The conversation fades, and you wonder how long he's been holding back since you got into the tub when his hand comes down your body to rest between your legs once more. Neither of you say anything as he starts to gently rub your clit, the other hand massaging your tit from behind. He peppers kisses on your skin as you tilt your head back to rest on his shoulder, your eyes zoning out on the ceiling as he pulls one, last orgasm out of you for the night. He whispers all sorts of things about how much he loves you before he moves to get you out of the tub, dry you off, and prepare you for bed. You don't remember much from there, aside from being tucked into his bed, his chest against your back as you both fall asleep.Â
When you wake up, it's to Joshua's hand around your breast and his cock poking at you between your cheeks. You groan, sleepily grinding against him without opening your eyes.Â
âMorning,â he rasps, laying a kiss on your shoulder.
âWhat time is it?â you ask, voice muffled by your pillow.Â
âEarly. Plane doesn't take off for another few hours.â
You do nothing aside from grunt and push your ass back onto him in wordless consent. His hand starts at your shoulder, caressing down your curves with the back of his fingers until he reaches your thigh. He turns his hand over palm down against you, slipping it over your thigh and lifting until his knee slots between your legs, propping your top thigh up on his.Â
âOkay?â he asks, his own voice so thick with sleep, you're a little surprised he has the energy for this.Â
You yawn and nod.Â
âWanna hear it,â he says closer to your ear this time, his lips grazing you.Â
âKeep going,â you say, still managing to sound whiny even half-asleep.
He hums in approval as he starts to press down on your clit in an effort to get you wet enough for his size. Without opening your eyes, you bring your hand to your mouth and spit as much as you can, then you bring your hand down and reach for his length between your legs, pumping the wetness onto him a few times. You feel him bury his face in your hair, his nose pressing against the nape of your neck as he curses under his breath.
âCan I go back to sleep?â you ask sleepily.
âOf course, baby,â he says, kissing your shoulder again before removing his hand from you and bringing his head back to his own pillow. You frown and open one eye. When he doesn't touch you again, you open both eyes and turn halfway toward him. You still can't see him but you're too sleepy to turn any more than you already have.Â
âNo, keep going.â
âHm? I thought you wanted toââ
âYeah, while you fuck me,â you explain. âI think itâll be nice.â You turn back to your side and close your eyes. âCome on.â
He laughs through his nose but obliges, his hand coming back to your clit.Â
âPut it in.âÂ
âBabe, Iââ
âJust do it, Hong.â It's not much more than whisper and it carries only a tiny fraction of the authority you know you're capable of, but itâs as much as you can manage when you're basically asleep and still trying to boss him around.
You don't remember if he said anything else, but the next time you feel something pulling you out of your sleep, it's because Joshua's cock is sliding in between your folds and into you from behind, his hand holding your thigh against his own to keep you open for him. You're not sure if itâs been seconds or minutes since you asked him to fuck you, but you sigh happily.Â
He takes his time fucking you, like he always does when it's morning sex. It's lazy and slow and sometimes both of you end up falling asleep before anyone can even have an orgasm, but it's some of your favorite sex with Joshua. It's close and intimate, and thereâs something about needing each other being the first thought either of you have in the morning that makes you feel extra loved.
At some point, Joshua must wake up a little more because he hooks your leg on the inside of his elbow and brings it up higher to thrust deeper. He also massages your tit with more fervor and hooks his chin onto your shoulder, kissing, sucking, and nipping at your skin desperately. The jostling wakes you up too, and when you open your eyes, you realize you're both facing the full-length mirror hanging on the wall, and Joshua's gaze is zeroed in on you already.
He had thrown the covers off you while you were asleep, and you find that he has the perfect view of his dick disappearing into you. You inhale sharply, your breath coming back out as a moan.
âGood morning,â he says again, this time his voice completely coherent, though equally breathy as before. âStill okay?â
You nod quickly, a hand coming back to thread your fingers into his hair. âOh, Shua,â you breathe, scratching his scalp. He hums against you, eyes fluttering at the feeling. âI love you so goddamn much.â
He smiles into your skin. âI love you, baby.â His hips still as he reaches up and over to kiss you on the lips. He mutters, âBut now that you're awake, I'm going to come in you, okay?â
You bite your lip as you nod, and itâs clear that however long he was fucking you for, Joshua was holding back in an attempt to let you sleep. Now that you're awake, the man drives into you brutally, all the while watching you come apart for him in the mirror. The last thing you see before you're forced to squeeze your eyes shut is the beginnings of a smirk on his lips.
As you tilt your head back into him, the hand under you goes from your breast to your throat, his fingers splaying across them, and from the way his hips become frantic, you know he likes how that looks in the mirror. You're not sure what it is, but just the mere thought of that brings you straight into the throes of your orgasm.
âThat's it,â he breathes, fingers pressing against your throat a little more firmly. âOh yeah, that's it. Come on my fucking cock, baby. Fuck.â
âShuaâŠâ you whine.
Just like the night before, you feel his climax before he warns you, your cunt filling with hot, sticky streams of Joshua's cum. He holds you against his own body tightly, biting down on your shoulder as he finishes, rolling his hips slower and slower until the waves of bliss slow to a gentle tide.
âMmm, Shâmmugh,â you groan nonsense, officially fucked stupid from the last several hours.
âI know,â he agrees, laughing a little as he pecks your cheek. âBut unfortunately, we have to start getting ready for the airport, my love.â
âNo.â
âYes.â
You open your eyes and glare at him in the mirror, ready to start an argument, but heâs not looking at the mirror; his eyes are on youâthe you in bed with him. And heâs looking at you like heâs wondering how he got so lucky, his lips curled into the softest, gentlest, and sweetest smile. It wipes away the exhaustion you feel, and you turn away from the mirror to meet his eyes.
âOkay, fine. Letâs go.âÂ
He nods once and begins to pull away, but you hold him where he is.
âBut not before you remind me how much you love me.â
He grins at that. âEasy. I love you so much, I'm starting to think itâs the thing I'm best at.â
You raise an eyebrow. âEven better than drââ
âYup,â he says resolutely. He spanks your butt lightly and jerks his head. âNow come on. Time to get up.â
You smile. âI love you too, by the way.â
âGood. Admitting that I quit F1 because I'd rather be near you would be awkward if you didnât.â
You laugh as he detaches himself from you and drags you out of bed with him.Â
JAPANESE GRAND PRIX 2019
"Y/N, can you come to the garage?"
"Hey, you're on the radio early⊠shouldn't you still be relaxing? The race doesnât start fâ"
âSomebody touched my helmet."
Joshua watches from across the pit lane as you violently tear off your headset upon hearing that, not bothering to respond to him at all. You practically throw yourself out of your seat, and he bites his laughter down as he returns Wonwoo's headset to him.
âYou're ragebaiting her,â the head engineer says, shaking his head.
âA necessary evil,â Joshua claims, grinning.Â
The other engineers seated next to you smirk in amusement as you stomp away, screeching, âIt's been five fucking years, people! Why are we still breathing anywhere near Joshua Hong's fucking helmet?!â so loudly, even Joshua can hear you from across the lane.Â
A mechanic from another team squeaks as he dives out of the way to avoid your rampage. Instead of heading straight to the garage like Joshua requested of you, you do exactly what he predicted you would. You turn to go toward the driver's suite, where the extra helmet you keep in case this ever happens again is locked away safely in Joshua's locker. Though after the absolute crashout you had last time it did happen two years ago, he knew no one would ever actually go near his helmet again.
As soon as you're out of sight, every McLaren engineer previously seated with you on the wall comes running across the pit lane and into the garage.
âOkay, everyone!â Joshua shouts, ushering them all to join the pit crew and hide in the corner furthest from the garage door. âPlaces, places!â He turns to the performance engineer that works on his team with you. âGap to surprise?â
He looks down at his tablet, where a live feed of you stealthily being followed by a McLaren intern and a GoPro shows you exiting the driver's suite with Joshua's helmet.Â
âGap to S1, 7.9 seconds,â he answers.
âCopy. Jesus, sheâs fast when she's mad. Alright, remember: stay hidden and I'll bring her around,â Joshua says to everybody as both Wonwoo and the engineer join the rest of Team McLaren. âAs soon as you see her, you jump out and yellââ
âShua!â you practically bellow before you even enter the garage.
Joshua scrambles away from the team, quickly hurrying to meet you out in the pit lane. He turns out so fast, you jerk back in surprise.Â
âHey! So fast!â he breathes, smiling. He curses his horrible acting abilities when you immediately narrow your eyes at him.
âWho the fuck touched your helmet?â you ask. He realizes now that your eyes are narrowed in rage more than they are in suspicion.Â
âNo one, actually,â he laughs, smiling sheepishly.Â
âHuh?â your anger dissipates quickly and it amuses him even more. âBut I got your helmetâŠâ
âRight, thanks!â he points at it, tucked under your arm and against your waist. âBut that actually isn't my helmet.â
âWhat?â you ask, irritation immediately coloring your voice. He knows itâs because anybody that pretends to know more about him than youâeven if it's Joshua himselfâannoys you. âWhat are you talking about? Of course it's your helmet. I literally put it in there before FP1 on Friday. This is your helââ
âNo,â he says again. He switched out the spare helmet once you left after Qualifying yesterday. âIt's yours.â
You frown. âHuhâŠ?
âIt's your helmet,â he repeats. He nods at it. âTake a look.â
His spare helmet is an exact replica of his main racing helmet. Both are a pretty gradient that goes from pink to blue top down, with black doodles all over itâstreet art of everything that makes Joshua Joshua. The state of California, the Korean flag, palm trees, a guitar, the One Piece logo, a taco wearing a crown, a cross, the year his mom was born, the outline of a car that's just vague enough to be McLaren-approved but only you two know is supposed to be an Integra (which is what he raced as a teenager). Each repeats endlessly to cover the entire helmet.Â
This helmetâthe one you're holdingâwas created by the same artist Joshua commissioned for his. It's the same gradient and the same style of street art, but instead, it's not only everything that makes you you, it's covered in memories you've both shared over the last five years. Memories of every moment you've both laughed, cried, and raced through. Memories of every moment Joshua fell deeper and deeper and hopelessly in love with you. So many that none of them need to repeat at all to cover the helmet.
He knows you realize it the moment you look down and scrutinize the helmet for more than a second.
âShua⊠is thisâŠâ
âThe flag of your home country,â he starts reciting as he watches where your finger traces. âThe first car we raced together. Your headset. The hanbok Mom made you wear when we went home to LA for Chuseok.âÂ
You smile softly at the memory, and he feels his heart crack a little more knowing heâs losing someone who loves his mother just as much as he does.
âA finger heart for your secret K-poââ
âShut up,â you mutter as you quickly move on. He laughs.
âYour childhood pet. Chocolate from Belgium. An arcade coin from the first time we went to Miami.â He clears his throat as you get to the night he realized he was in love with you. ââHola!â forââ
âThe night you pretended to be fluent in Spanish,â you finish, laughing. The sound is watery and you sniffle. Joshua has the decency to draw little attention to it, simply pressing the back of his hand to your eyes as he continues.
âA cumulonimbus cloud.âÂ
You snort at the fact that he actually learned what it's called instead of guessing, like you've both grown accustomed to. He names every single thing until you find the lettering scribbled in his own handwriting just above the visor of the helmet.Â
ââCopy, L/N'?â you tilt your head as you read it.
Joshua smiles. Without a word, he walks over to his car parked right outside the garage. He fishes his own helmet out of it and looks down at the addition he requested when he commissioned yours. If he stares at it too long, he knows he'll fall to his knees and beg you to stay with him, so he quickly looks away. He turns the helmet over and shows you.
Keep it cute, Hong.
âJoshuaâŠâÂ
He doesn't have time to correct you because you throw yourself into his arms, the two helmets making it awkward and clunky. Neither of you care. He holds you close to him, resting his lips on the crown of your head briefly before turning to press his cheek to it. He purses his lips tightly to will his tears to stay where they are as you hug him tighter than you ever have.
Joshua loves you. He loves you more than he's loved anything or anyone else. He loves you more than he loves F1, and he thinks there's a possibility he might even love you more than he loves himself. And that's why he'll continue to be supportive and he'll continue to cheer you on ferociously. Because as heartbroken as he was when you first told him you'd be leaving, and as much as the crack in his heart continues to lengthen and deepen every day you two get closer to the last grand prix, he craves your happiness more than he could ever crave your presence there with him.
His heart begs him to be selfish with you every day. It begs him to tell you he's in love with you, and although he only realized during the 2018 Spanish Grand Prix, he knows with every fiber of his being that he fell in love with you the moment he saw you standing in the lobby of MTC. It begs him to tell you that he'll always be in love with you.
But you're off to bigger and better things. Things that don't involve being expected by a bunch of misogynists to wait on him hand and foot. Things that don't involve having your talent and achievements attributed to him. Things that just won't involve him, period.
And if that's what's good for you⊠if that's what's best for you, he has no business saying any of these things to you. He reminds himself of that as he holds onto you now.Â
âYou're my best friend,â you say.
âAnd you're mine. You always will be.â
You both stand there for a few more moments before you pull away and say thank you. He smiles and wipes your tears away, thankful his are gone now.
âCome on, one more thing to show you.â
âWhat, did you buy me a matching F1 car too?â you ask, laughing.
âDamn, I should've thought of that,â he says, clicking his tongue in disapproval at himself. âBut no. Something else.â
He leads you into the garage, and when the team sees you, they all scream, startling you backward and into Joshua's chest. Flustered, you apologize and step away. He wishes he could tell you to just stay there. Let him hold you like that.Â
Joshua frowns at the team as they all scream wildly different things, creating a confusing chorus of âCongratulations!â âSurprise!â âFarewell!â and one, insanely loud âPLEASE DON'T LEAVEâ from the team principal, who came around to becoming your biggest fan after you and Joshua won the title in 2019.Â
âGuys, what the hell,â Joshua mutters.
âYou didn't tell them what to say and you know this team needs very specific instructions,â Wonwoo says before he hugs you and congratulates you.Â
You go off to hug everyone and thank them for the surprise party, and Wonwoo takes your spot next to Joshua.
âYouâre really not going to say anything?â he asks. Joshua sighs. Your boss has known since the very first year, becoming his confidant in all heartsick manners.Â
âI can't.â
âYou can.â
Joshua looks at him wordlessly. They've discussed this enough times; the engineer knows well how much Joshua wantsâhow much he needs to see you do something for yourself.
He sighs and nods. âWell, you did a really good job with this. I gotta give it to you, Hong.â
âWhat?â he asks, eyes returning to you.
âI didn't think you could do anything better than F1, but I think you love her a little better than you handle a car.â
âI could've told you that,â he says bitterly.
Wonwoo claps him on the shoulder before heading to the catered lunch and desserts Joshua had arranged for this.Â
âThis is what's best for her,â he mutters to himself. You turn from the mechanic you're talking to and your eyes scan the garage, lighting up when you find Joshua. You beckon him over. âThis is what's best for her.â
He takes a deep breath and heads to you.
âBabe, I'm home!â Joshua shouts before he stops and realizes your apartment, though he moved out of the hotel and has been living with you for months, is technically not his home, as you two never truly discussed it. He shrugs the thought away, knowing that even if you decide itâs too cramped in here for an ex-F1 driver, he'll still make a home out of wherever you are no matter where he lives.
There's no response as he drops his backpack on the floor next to the door and kicks his shoes off. He could've stayed the night in Woking after spending the morning taking care of his exit papers at MTC, especially since Wonwoo and the others asked him to dinner, but the thought of just coming back to the apartment and being with you seemed so much nicer than sleeping in a hotel room alone ever again. So instead, he took the first train back into London and miraculously made it back while the sun was still out.Â
The entire train ride home, he thought he'd be sadder. He thought that maybe he'd be assaulted by memories of karting and racing in the development program and making his way up into Formula One. He thought he might even cry, but after signing all the papers, having a media briefing with the PR team, and recording several different video messages for social media, he finds that although he knows he'll miss that part of his life sorely, more than anything, he's just relieved.
He's relieved you're back in his life, he's relieved he's inspired by his work at the Academy, he's relieved he doesn't need to worry about potentially ruining another engineer's career because of his apathy to the sport. He's relieved that after everything, it turns out you love him just as much for just as long as he's loved you.
âHello?â he calls, checking the bedroom, the spare, and the restrooms before pulling his phone out. You don't answer the call, so he texts, catching just as he presses send that he accidentally called your apartment home again.
The Academy is empty. The first place Joshua checked was the auditorium, where most staff meetings took place. Then, he checked the conference rooms, the classrooms, the simulation room, even the cafeteria. The Academy has literally never been this empty since he started.
âHello?â you answer your phone on the first ring.
âHey, I'm here⊠where are youâŠ?â Joshua asks, looking around outside Jihyoâ office like someone will magically appear.
âI'm at the Academy,â you say simply, though there's an undercurrent of mischief in your voice that makes Joshua pause and narrow his eyes at nothing in particular.
âOkay⊠where?âÂ
You suppress a giggle. âHave you checked everywhere?â
He frowns. âYes.â
âEverywhere?â
âYes!â he says, feeling a little crazy.
âReally? Even the one place you've trained yourself not to check?â
It feels like a light bulb going off above his head. He glares. âI'll be there in a minute and you should expect to be punished, having me run around a school like this.â
You laugh before saying, âOkay, well you are at school so let's keep this PG.â
âVom.â He hears Jihyo in the background. You must shove her because a string of curses leaves her mouth next.
âNot what I meant but I can arrange for that tonight,â he says, smirking now as he heads to your garage.
âSee you!â you say giddily before hanging up.
Joshua thinks he understands whatâs happening when he gets to your garage and finds the door rolled up, a trail of confetti leading to the track, where an Academy F4 car sits, backlit by the nearly setting sun.
âWhat the hellâŠâ
He walks out to the track, looking around and finding more nothing and more no one. When he gets to the car, he realizes it's not-at-all a normal Academy car. He squats down to admire it closely, absolutely awestruck.
It's the exact same pink-blue gradient of his F1 helmet, with his name and racing number plastered on the side in the same style of graffiti he knows the LA artist he commissioned for his gear does. It's also covered in signatures and messages by the girls that read things like âBest driving instructor ever!â âJHONG IS FOR THE GIRLSâ âF1 Father Hongâ âCan you get me a ginger chew sponsorship?â âThank you for my imminent illustrious F1 careerâ âJoshua GIRLYPOP Hongâ âWe love you!â âI won't forget you when I'm in F1 and more famous than youâ â95 FOREVER,â and a ton of others. It's easy to tell which ones are Eunchae's. Most of hers include something about how beautiful and smart you are and how lucky he is to know you. He laughs to himself at all of it, touched beyond belief.
This brings him to tears faster than anything at MTC did.
âThe girls designed the livery themselves.â
He turns from where he's crouched and finds you at the mouth of your own garage, smiling at him widely with your hands behind your back.
âWhat is this?â he asks, hearing the emotion in his own voice.Â
âA congratulatory present,â you say, walking over to him. He stands just as you reach him, stopping short a few steps. âYou're reaching a new milestone, Hong. You need to be celebrated.â
He watches you as you obviously suppress a wide and knowing smile.
âHave anything to tell me? Maybe something about what exactly we'd be celebrating right now?â
Joshua sighs, blushing at having been caught trying to arrange something before finding the right time to tell you twice now.
âI'm staying at the Academy,â he says. âJihyo offered me a full-time job, and I'm starting as the permanent Head Driving Instructor next season⊠but it seems like you already knew that.â
Your smile becomes unrestrained now, and it makes his chest feel so warm seeing how happy hearing that information come from him makes you even though you already knew.
âNow that you've been promoted,â you say, nonchalantly making his heart stop, âJihyo is now my one and only best friend. Did you think she wouldn't tell me?â
âAnd what exactly have I been promoted to?â he asks as he feels his mouth unconsciously curling into a smirk.Â
âThat wasnât the point.â You blush a bit.
âRight.â
âI have something else for you.â
He frowns. âWhat's better than a car?â
You bite your lip as you carefully move your hands from behind your back and present him with his F1 helmet.
âA matching helmet,â you answer.
It's not his F1 helmet. It's the same in every aspect, except this time, instead of repeating the original icons, it has new additions. The sesame balls from Shanghai, a LEGO piece, the smash burgers from his first day of work, each girlsâ racing number, pancakes, the McLaren logo, an email addressed to âCEO,â his Integra (except now it's an actual Integra), and a ginger chew.
"I thought it would be cute to display both of ours side-by-side at home or something," you tell him, very obviously smitten with his choice of words regarding your apartment.
âBabeâŠâ He shakes his head. He actually has no words. You sigh like you've been thinking about what you're going to say to him for a long time now.
âI love you, Joshua,â you say, the happiest he's ever seen you. âI'm sorry it took me so long to say it, and I'm sorry it took me so long to see you've loved me for as long as I have too. I should've seen it a long time ago. You are the best when it comes to loving me. I'll be happy if I can measure up to even a fraction of that.â You don't let him protest to tell you that you surpass it and more. âBut now that you're home,â you say, smiling widely at the word, âI'm going to spend every day making sure this worksâfor both of us.Â
âNo forcing your path because I think I know what you need. No worrying that you're not doing enough for me because you've already done so much.â He sniffles, turning away from you briefly to wipe at his eyes. âThis is a partnership. And if we're getting the chance to team up again to build something great⊠we have to do it better this time. We have to build this dream together. Right, Hong?â
You cock an eyebrow at him and he grins, shaking his head in disbeliefâdisbelief that you're real, you're his, and that this is his life. Disbelief because this world that he's found feels too good to be true. But he's never going to question it; whatever it takes, he's keeping all of it for as long as he can.
âCopy, L/N,â he answers.
You grin right back, and he takes the helmet out of your hands before finally throwing his arms around your waist, pulling you in, and kissing you senseless. Your hands cradle his face as you kiss him back, your mouth curved into a smile the entire time you do it.Â
Joshua's happiness threatens to make his heart burst, right there, in the middle of the Academy track. If the heartache of losing you for those two years meant he'd always have this to come back to at the end, he knows that without a doubt, he'd go through it over and over again.Â
âI love you,â he whispers.
âI know. I love you too.âÂ
He presses a few more pecks to your mouth before leaning back and admiring you in the light of the setting sun. Â
âSo is that what this is?â he asks, smirking. âA partnership?â
You roll your eyes. âHave we ever been anything else?â
âBesides,â your blush deepens as you brush a stray strand of hair away from his forehead, âyou already called me Mrs. Hong. It would be awkward if we weren't partners.â
He rolls his lips between his teeth shyly, leaning in to bury his face in your hair. âHmm, Mrs. Hong sounds nicer the more we say it, huh?â
You giggle, slapping his chest as you push him away. âA conversation for another time,â you say, stepping away and winking at him. âFor now, there are some other people who want to celebrate you.âÂ
You nod in the direction behind him, and he turns to find the entire Academy staff and class, the fence to the grandstands behind them open from where they quietly snuck onto the track. As soon as he turns, they scream, âWelcome home!â while Jihyo and her assistant pop their massive confetti canons, and Sophia and Saki spray what he assumes is non-alcoholic champagne everywhere.
Joshua laughs as both you and he are soaked by the two girls, confetti flying in the breeze as he, for the nth time in the last 24 hours, thinks about how fucking lucky he is. The staff and girls all carry signs that congratulate him or welcome him home, and when he spots Eunchae's, he snorts.
MCL ACADEMY DREAM TEAM OTP 4EVER
âWe saw you kiss!â she shrieks. âYou can't deny it anymore! You're welcome for getting you together, by the way!â
He rolls his eyes and laughs as she joins her friends in spraying each other. He gets to one last sign at the back of the crowd, and his smile slowly fades.
I am, I have always been, and I will always be proud of you.
All his effort to keep his tears at bay go to waste because as he looks up to find the person holding the sign, Joshua can't help the tears that immediately begin streaming down his face.
âEoâeommaâŠ?âÂ
She has tears in her own eyes as she nods, smiling at both of you. Itâs clear as day to see how honest her sign is.
âGo,â you whisper, nudging him forward.Â
The Academy parts to allow Joshua through to his mother, who he sweeps into a hug, crying in her arms like a child again.
âAigoo⊠itâs such a happy occasion," she whispers, her own voice sounding just as emotional as he feels. âDon't cry anymore.â
âEomma,â he breathes, shoulders shaking. âI've missed you so much.â
âWhat's there to miss, hm?â she asks, rubbing his back as she pulls away just enough to look up at him. She wipes his face with the heel of her hand. âI'm always here. I'm always here. And I'm so proud of you, Joshua. So proud of you for everything you've done, for being so brave, and for always being so kind and sweet and good.â She desperately tries to keep from crying any harder. âI couldn't have asked for a better son.â
She pulls him into her arms once more, the two of them standing there embracing in silence for several seconds.
âBy the way, I'm glad you finally got the girl,â she says in Korean, breaking the silence. He smiles. âI always thought she would make a good daughter-in-law.â
âYah, eomma,â he whines, rolling his eyes and pulling back. After a moment, he smiles. âBut yes. She will be a good daughter-in-law to you.â
His mother squeals, slapping his shoulder repeatedly before she catches sight of someone over it and starts beckoning frantically. He looks over just in time to see you join them. His mom opens their arms to you, pulling you into what Joshua imagines is the happiest, most wholesome group hug he's ever been a part of.
âThank you for flying me out, darling.â
âI'd buy you a house out here if you let me,â you say, smiling.
âNever,â she sighs, resting her head against yours. âBut if you ever want to buy yourselves a home in LA⊠well, I wouldn't hate that.â
âWe'll see,â Joshua says, laughing. âI still need to sell my house in Barcelona.â
You look pleased at that. âYes! Your Spanish wife and Korean-Spanish kids have got to go!â
âEh?!â his mother looks at him incredulously.
He gives you a flat look. âOkay, seriously, you need to tell me what you're talking about. Why do you keep saying that?â
âHello!â Jihyo suddenly pops up over your shoulder. You smile at her without breaking the group hug. âHate to interrupt a beautiful family reunion, but I do have to let you two know we actually do need to file paperwork regarding your relationship with HR, so please do that first thing on Monday. Thanks!âÂ
She quickly scurries off as you scoff and excuse yourself to follow her, shouting, âOh, so now we care about HR?!â as you do.
Joshua's mom steps away from his arms to turn and watch you, tilting her head at you and Jihyo curiously. âSo. Am I going to end up adopting that cute, scary girl as my future daughter-in-law's sister?âÂ
âJihyo?â he asks as he throws an arm around her shoulders, watching as you two bicker and Sophia cackles while soaking both of you in champagne, too high off the celebration to be scared of her CEO. His mom nods. Joshua laughs. âYeah, probably.â
âThe more the merrier,â she says, smiling. After a moment, she cranes her head to look up at Joshua. âI love the life you've built for yourself. I can't wait to see what you and Y/N build together."
Joshua watches as your face splits into a smile at something Jihyo says, and the two of you suddenly set your sights on Sophia, chasing her down and tag teaming to corner her and her bottle. He thinks of your years at McLaren, and he looks around at the Academy staff and the girls and the way everyone here has only ever wanted the best for one anotherânone more than you. And he knows whatever the two of you build here, and anywhere else in the world⊠the best part of it will be having done it with you.
âMe neither. I can't wait.â
THE ENDÂ
A/N: pls. i'm emotional. i love them so much. ugh. bye.
LAPD RADIO TRANSMISSION
DISPATCH: 7-Adam-16, we have a code 23109 and a code 23103. Several vehicles without license plates. Last seen on the intersection of Wilshire and Western.
UNIT 7-ADAM-16: 7-Adam-16 inbound on Wilshire. Requesting another unit for pursuit.
"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me."
The crowd disperses with shouts and screams as at least three police cars descend on the finish line, where Joshua just won an $800 pot not even a minute ago. He grabs the rest of the cash from the hostâs hand and pockets it quickly, grunting as his friend shoves him toward his car before throwing the door to his own open.Â
âTurn your radio on!â he screams at Joshua before disappearing into his Honda and whipping his car around and away from the commotion.Â
Joshua does the same, cursing repeatedly as he throws his car into gear, honking desperately as people run in all directions. Once he finds his open, he floors it, his exhaust roaring as he does. He turns the dial on the radio that he and his friends had absolutely no business installing in their cars before unclipping the mic from its mount and resting it in his lap. Â
He climbs up his gears, body jerking each time he does. Joshua wasnât even supposed to come out tonight; last weekâs race had added more than enough money to his savings to get his mom off weekend shifts for the entirety of the next three months if she wanted. But like he constantly does, he let his friends manipulate him into coming out and entering a last-minute race. Just one measly reminder that heâs close to earning enough to get his mom to completely quit one of her jobs, and Joshua is in his car, speeding to wherever the nightâs activities are. If he gets arrested tonight for street racing, heâll set his mom back so far. She works a grueling schedule so he can get through school and make something of himself, not so she can bail him from jail and pay a huge ticket and a fee to get his car from the impound lot. He curses at himself. He really shouldâve stayed his ass at home and just studied for his calculus quiz.Â
âIf I get arrested, Iâm literally going to fucking kill you,â Joshua says over the radio.
He throws the gear into fourth in one clean motion, the shift gate clacking as the tachometer chases the red line. The engine of his â96 Integra GS-R screams as his car jerks forward, widening the distance between him and the flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror.Â
âYouâre not getting arrested,â the voice over the radio crackles with static, but Joshua can hear the laidback, cocky attitude clearly. It grinds his gears. âAs your hyung, it is my responsibility to make sure I get arrested before you do.â
âLAPD. PULL OVER.â The copâs voice booms over his carâs PA speaker, agitated and antsy.
âFor the millionth fucking time, youâre not my hyung!â Joshua shouts.Â
He glances quickly over his shoulder to assess the gap between him and the lights on his ass. He turns back forward, making the split decision to drift right, knowing his GS-R will handle it a lot better than a cop car can. He yanks the e-brake, swinging the rear through the turn as his tires squeal and smoke curls into the air behind him. Just like he expected, the police car doesnât quite make the abrupt turn, forcing it to a stop to keep from barreling right onto the sidewalk.Â
âWe are the same fucking age, you asshole!â Joshua continues his rant as he tries to take advantage of the gap he just gave himself.Â
âJeez, you seriously need to fix that sailor mouth of yours. Do you know any other words aside from fââ
âFuck you!â Joshuaâs head is on a swivel as he crosses Vermont Ave., and when he sees no flashing lights, he shifts down to third.Â
âLove you too.â There are a few beats of silence before he says, âOkay, itâs been five minutes. I think I lost my pig. Where are you?â
âJust crossed Vermont,â Joshua mutters.Â
âWhat?â
âI just crossed Vermont!â he shouts in irritation, his knuckles turning white as he grips his wheel.Â
âThat could be anywhere, bro. Whââ
âI just passed the liquor store you get your cigarettes from, you asshole.â
âI sense youâre a little anxious. Understandable. I think what would make this betterââ
âI truly need you to shut the fuck up right now and just let me drive,â Joshua interjects, kicking back into fourth gear when he notices a cop car several blocks behind him, lights off and slowly driving through the intersection. Itâs obviously searching for cars without license platesâcars like his.
It takes just three seconds after that for the lights to start flashing blue and red again, but Joshuaâs headstart is strong enough that he thinks he can lose them one more time. Then, he will never race ever again. Heâll never even drive ever again.Â
âDear god, if you are listening, if I get out of this without a ticket or getting arrested,â Joshua whispers, âI will become a born-again good boy, and I will get a normal job mopping floors. I swear it.â He turns onto another street, immediately regretting it. âFuck!â
Itâs 2 a.m., but itâs Koreatown, itâs the weekend, and heâs close to several bars and nightclubs, and this street is lined with patronsâdrunk patrons. He immediately turns on the next intersection in an attempt to get away from anyone fortunate enough to remain uninvolved in his problems, but the detour puts him back a few seconds, and the next time he sees the flashing lights, theyâre a lot closer than they previously were.Â
âShit, shit, shit,â he breathes, feeling his panic coming to a head as he tries to breathe through it. Panic will only muddy his thoughts, and that will only narrow his options.
âWhere are you now?â the radio crackles alive again.
â3rd,â Joshua answers.Â
âPerfect. Jun finally fucking woke up. Go to the garage and wait it out âtil the cops leave.â
âCool, and how the fuck am I going to do that with a cop on my ass?!â Joshua shouts, glancing left and right as he approaches an intersection.Â
âLeave it to hyung.â
âYou are not myââ
âDrift left.â
âWhat?â
âDRIFT LEFT.â
Without thinking about it, he drifts left as he enters the intersection, tires screaming as a familiar silver Civic EK hatch also drifts left from the opposite direction, effectively taking Joshuaâs place in front of the police car. The tinted window comes down just enough to fit a peace sign out of it in his direction, then the EK is gone, the police happily chasing him down instead.Â
âYouâre welcome! Get to the garage and stay there until itâs safe to leave.â
Joshua doesnât argue, immediately making his way to Junâs big brotherâs garage. âThanks, dude,â he breathes after a few minutes. He doesnât receive a response and he hopes it doesnât mean his friend has been arrested. Annoyed as he might be about the race and some loser calling the cops on them, he still wants his friends safe in their beds at the end of the nightâor in their case, the beginning of the morning.
Hours later, when Jun gets the all-clear from his brother and Joshua returns home, he doesnât have much time to think about anyone elseâs whereabouts because his mother is waiting for him with dozens of questions, and well. Joshua is a horrible liar.Â
âThis is about to be the best vacation of my life.â
Joshua grins, thumb caressing your hand where itâs joined with his over the middle console. Your hair whips at your face but you pay it no mind, very obviously enjoying the rental convertible coup more than you care about the potential tangles youâll have to wrestle with later.Â
âBetter thanââ
âYes, because none of the places youâre about to name can be considered vacations because they were 100% race weekends,â you point out. Joshua pouts and you grin. âBut I obviously wouldnât trade any of them for the world.â
âMmm,â Joshua hums, bringing your hand to his mouth to leave a kiss on it. âNice save.â
He lifts your hand a few centimeters from his face to admire the rock on your finger. Itâs already been a few months, but seeing the engagement ring he chose and he bought and he proposed to you with on your finger still gives him the best kind of chills.
âOkay, okay,â you giggle, wriggling your hand out of his. âEyes on the road, mister.â
âIâm a professional driver.â
âOh sorry, do professional drivers suddenly have no need to focus on the road?â
He smiles, slapping your thigh playfully and laughing when you squeal. âAre you ready to answer Momâs millions of questions for you?â
You nod, completely unfazed, as you usually are when it comes to most things regarding his mom; the two of you are the best of friendsâtalking on the phone far more often than even he doesâbut he fears youâre overestimating how laidback sheâs going to be about her only sonâs wedding. He already knows sheâll be testing your limits until after the wedding is over.Â
âYes, Iâm excited to talk to someone who isnât convinced I should go down the aisle in a kart.â
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
You roll your eyes but smile all the same. âRight. Anyway, I hope sheâs ready for my millions of questions.â
Joshua frowns, laughing a little. âWhat questions? You know Mom never got married.â
âThat doesnât mean she doesnât have fabulous taste and correct opinions, you silly man.â
âOkay, fair,â he nods as he pulls into the gated community where the house he bought his mom as soon as he broke into F2 resides. Itâs another 10-minute drive through the winding hills before he parks in her private driveway, the backyard view of LA already visible even from the front lawn.
âOh my god, this is gorgeous,â you say, mouth ajar as you stare up at the house from inside the car.Â
Joshua hops out, already collecting your bags and dropping them on the front step before coming back for more. Your stay in LA would be extended, lasting through to right before the next season at the Academy starts, but it wasnât even that you two overpacked; you just came with months worth of gifts from the past season, both from you and Joshua and from Jihyo.Â
You follow suit, scoffing whenever he pushes your hands away from grabbing anything.
âThe rock on your hand is too heavy, you shouldnât carry anything else,â he jokes, smirking as he plants a kiss on your forehead. âCome on. Iâll get the rest later.â
He leads the way to the front step, but you pause just short of it, staring at something in the distance. He turns to look at you. âHey, whose car is that?â you ask, pointing.Â
His eyes follow your finger and he frowns. A â99 Honda Civic EK hatchback sits at the other end of the U-shaped driveway, opposite from where you two entered. Itâs technically off-property, far enough away that Joshua can pretend his heart doesnât stop at the sight of it, but close enough that it makes him want to get back into the car, go back to the airport, and fly right back to London.Â
âUmâŠâÂ
It isnât the silver he remembers, and it doesnât have any of the stickers or dents and dings it has in his memories, so thereâs that. But it is restored to near-new quality, sporting a beautiful sky blue wrap and deep blue Volk Racing TE37 wheels, and while subtle enough to pass as a normal car, itâs a little too specific of a street performance car to be in his momâs neighborhood.Â
âI⊠donât knowâŠâ he says, hoping itâs the truth.Â
âReally nice,â you comment, craning your neck like that will help you see more than you can. âYou see those calipers? And the fitment of their wheels?â Then, you snort and ask a question that validates Joshuaâs fears. âDoes Mom have street racing friends too?â
âCome on,â he urges you, quickly turning toward the door and ringing the bell.Â
âWe should walk down and look at it,â you continue talking about the car. âI want to see what kind of brake kit they have. Then maybe you can tell me about yourââ
âKids!â his mother screams as she throws the door open and does nothing short of assault both of you with kisses, hugs, and questions she gives neither of you time to answer. âHow was the flight? Were your seat neighbors good? Or did you waste all that money on first class again? Oh my god, did you rent that? A convertible? Seriously? Oh my god, show me the ring! Oh, itâs beautiful. Oh, look at it. Look at you.â
âEomma, whose car is that?â Joshua asks, jerking his head toward the hatchback.Â
âHuh?â she asks, looking up from where sheâs ogling the ring on your hand. You turn to Joshua with your eyebrows raised and he knows you can hear the anxiety in his voice. He clears his throat. âOh, thatâsââ
âAhhh, I canât believe this.â Joshuaâs blood runs cold as the door opens wider, the undisputable owner of the EK standing before him. âHow lucky of me to catch you while Iâm here, Joshuji.â
âLook who stopped by!â his mom exclaims excitedly. After a few beats of awkward silence, she scolds him. âJoshua, say hello to your friend, what is wrong with you?â
The man laughs but waves a hand. Still, Joshua offers him a flat âhey.â
Yoon Jeonghan grins at the two of you. He still keeps his hair long and dark, though itâs currently pulled back by the sunglasses atop his head, helping show off his uniquely beautiful and very mischievous face. Heâs dressed in a leather jacket, a white tee tucked into black slacks, and panda dunks. Heâs a grown up, slightly more fashionable version of the same kid who served a 5-year prison sentence on Joshuaâs behalf when they were 17.Â
âWow, youâre even more beautiful in person,â Jeonghan tells you, making your fiance clench his jaw. He notices, of course, and it feeds the fire thatâs always burned off of Joshuaâs discomfort and irritation, his eyes shining with amusement. âYoon Jeonghan.â
He extends his hand and Joshuaâs own mother releases your hand to transfer it to his, and he gets the irrational desire to call her a traitor. Joshuaâs eyes go down to your hand in Jeonghanâs, and his heart squeezes as he looks at the ring on your finger. You shake hands with his childhood friend, having no idea that this man knows enough secrets about your fiance to end the engagement and send you running for the hills.
âY/N L/N,â you tell him.Â
He smirks. âI know.â
âAre you the owner of that EK?â you ask excitedly.Â
âAh, I am,â he says proudly, nodding. âSheâs been around for quite a while.â His eyes slide to Joshua as he finally releases your hand. âJoshuji and I were still in high school when I first got her.â
You look over at him. âAnd you didnât recognize it?!â
He tries not to show his irritation, but he knows his nostrils are flaring. âIt looks a lot different than it did back then.â His shortness seems to get you to understand his discomfort extends beyond just being surprised by an old friend he didnât expect to be here. You tamp your excitement and let the questions stop there, tucking yourself back under Joshuaâs arm and rubbing his back as you do.
âShe sure does,â Jeonghan agrees, smiling nostalgically. âWell, I just came by to say hi. I recently came back to town and reached out to eomma-nim to see if I could stop by and catch up. I had no idea you two were on your way until I was already here.â
âJeonghannie brought me rice cakes!â she gushes. âCome on, letâs all eat them!â
âNo, no, Iâve overstayed my welcome,â Jeonghan says, shaking his head when Joshuaâs mom starts protesting. âIâll let you two rest after all your travels,â he tells you and Joshua, âbut Joshuji, we should catch up. Iâve moved back to LA.â
âOhâ is all he says. His refusal to be any more hospitable to Jeonghan doesnât deter the man.
âNumberâs still the same if you want to grab something to eat,â he informs him as he bounds down the steps past you two and fishes his keys out of the pocket of his pants. He turns back toward the three of you, walking backwards as he drops his sunglasses back down to his face and runs a hand through his hair. Joshuaâpatheticallyâwants to cover your eyes. âOr, you could just stop by Junâs garage. Iâm helping him out right now. Bye, eomma-nim!â Then, he points at you and smiles. âLovely meeting you, Y/N. Something tells me Iâll see you again. âTil next time!â
He turns and saunters off Joshuaâs momâs property, toward the same car that got her son out of hot water all those years ago.Â
âAre you okay?â you whisper.
âYeah,â Joshua lies, nodding and giving you a tight smile. âJust⊠surprised is all.â
âHe seems⊠interesting.â
âThatâs one word to describe him.â
He can think of a million others, too, but as the day drags on and Joshua continues to ruminate on the interaction, all he can actually think of is if Jeonghanâs re-entrance into his life is a harbinger for something a lot worseâsomething that could ruin everything heâs worked for up until now. Including you.
He knows the only way to find out is to take the bait. When you fall asleep that night, he grabs the keys to the rental and heads to a place he didnât expect to ever visit again: the garage that completely re-routed the course of his life.
BONUS CONTENT
just some random stuff i thought would be fun to include :)
Hong sabbatical
Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 5:00
Good morning, sir. Iâve thought about our conversation quite a bit, and for the sake of giving the organization as much time as possible to prepare for the next season, I am officially tendering my resignation from McLaren as a main driver. Attached youâll find a formal letter for your records.Â
Thank you so much for the last seven years and the opportunities that came with it; I will never forget my time here. Iâm committed to making this transition as smooth as possible, so please let me know when itâs a good time to come to the facility for any exit processes I need to complete.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Iâll always be rooting for McLaren.
Best regards,
Joshua Hong
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 5:03
bruh. wrong ceo.
p.s. ?!?!?!?!!!!?
Sent from iPhone
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 7:19
Oh my god, Iâm so sorry. I think your email address auto-populated when I wrote âCEO.â Any chance we pretend this never happened and you donât tell Y/N about this?
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 7:20
maybe.. but need a favor.
Sent from iPhone
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 8:53
Can I know what the favor is before agreeing?
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 8:54
ofc. iâm not a monster đ
numbers for girls looking v goodâbetter than they have since we started f1a (good job). if ur really resigning from mcl, letâs talk. i want u to stay with us permanently.
u can say no ofc. but i will be telling MY BEST FRIEND that u accidentally sent this if thatâs the case. not a threat. just a crazy coincidence that will 100% happen if u say no. so.
Sent from iPhone
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 12:22
Meeting Invite: Today, 12:30 (1h)
âââ
RE: Hong sabbatical
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 12:23
Meeting Invite: Today, 12:30 (1h)
Jihyo Park has responded âYesâ.
kinda rude for u to take so long to reply and then send an invite only 8m before the meeting but ok? stop by the caf and get me a bbq beef bowl tho
Sent from iPhone
âââ
Hong x F1A Contract
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 20:47
Hello, Permanent Head Driving Instructor Joshua Hong :)
Per our discussion today, youâll find a copy of the contract we negotiated and signed attached, as well as a handbook of benefits and resources for our full-time employees. HR will complete your onboarding and will reach out to you separately to schedule a full orientation. Iâve also asked them to walk you through our policy for intercompany dating. Just in case youâre interested in that. Â
This information will be handled with discretion and will remain on a need-to-know basis until we are ready to inform âbest friendsâ and the PR team.Â
In all seriousness, thank you for agreeing to this, Hong. Iâm truly grateful for what youâve already done with the students, and Iâm excited to see what heights you, Y/N, and the rest of the staff can elevate them to.Â
Jihyo Park (she/her)
CEO, F1 Academy
f1academy.com Â
âââ
RE: Hong x F1A Contract
Hong, Joshua <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Monday, March 3, 21:08
Jeez, are you still at the Academy?Â
Anyway, appreciate you for being so flexible about meeting today⊠and I guess for calling your lawyer and demanding they draw something up on the spot⊠even though I assured you many times I could wait.
I know we havenât started the season yet, but I donât think Iâve ever felt quite as fulfilled as I do here. I wouldnât have ever thought to take up teaching, so thank YOU for thinking of me and offering me the temp positionâand now the permanent position. It kind of feels like Iâm benefitting more in this âfavorâ to you, but I wonât complain.Â
Regarding the intercompany dating policy, I could pretend I donât need that, but because I know you have functional eyes and a very big, wrinkly brain, I will simply say⊠thanks for your foresight.
Go home and sleep please.
â Josh
P.S. I am working on the âbest friendâ situation. Please stop rubbing it in my face with the quotes, whether in person or in email -_-
Sent from iPhone
âââ
Hong
CEO <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Wednesday, March 5, 8:17
So my best race engineer wasnât enough; you had to take my best driver too?Â
Sent from iPhone
âââ
RE: Hong
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: CEO <[email protected]>
Wednesday, March 5, 8:19
First pick from the Academy for the next two years. And before you try to fight me on that, remember that the next classes of girls will be raised up by your very own driver. Bet you can imagine how well theyâre doing.
Jihyo Park (she/her)
CEO, F1 Academy
f1academy.com Â
âââ
RE: Hong
CEO <[email protected]>
To: Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
Wednesday, March 5, 8:20
Make it three years and consider it done. Also, stay away from Jeon. You canât have all my employees.
Sent from iPhone
âââ
RE: Hong
Park, Jihyo <[email protected]>
To: CEO <[email protected]>
Wednesday, March 5, 8:20
Deal. Also, donât tell me what to do :)
Jihyo Park (she/her)
CEO, F1 Academy
f1academy.com Â
Ù àŁȘâ pairing: jeon wonwoo x fem reader
Ù àŁȘâ summary: Wonwoo doesnât pay you any attention, not since you were both rookies - him on the track and you in the paddock. Youâve been at Ferrari for years, and now heâs joined the team youâre supposed to be working together, but it seems he still has that same stick up his ass whenever you have something to say.
Ù àŁȘâ genre: coworkers au. smut, angst, enemies to lovers
Ù àŁȘâ rating: explicit. minors do not interact, iâll block you.
Ù àŁȘâ chapter warnings: smut, drinking, swearing, smoking, reader and wonwoo won't admit they like each other, mentions of revenge p*rn (stranger vs wonwoo), annoying characters (i cannot stress this enough). UNBETA'D because this is so long and so late and i'm impatient to post
Ù àŁȘâ smut contents: fingering, protected sex, unprotected sex, oral (both receiving), outercourse, cum eating, nipple play, pet name (baby)
if you think iâve forgotten anything please let me know so i can fix my post!
Ù àŁȘâ wc: 31k đđđ NO ONE LOOK AT ME
Ù àŁȘâ a/n: well fellas, this is it. i thought this was finished at 18k but i asked 2 days ago if you'd mind if i wrote 2k more- and then i guess i blacked out lmao.
thank you to @starlightkyeom and @100vern in particular, who have listened to me complain about this fic for too long and are always kind, and everyone in C&E who sprinted with me. you're the best.
Ù àŁȘâ written for: the Lights Out collab hosted by @camandemstudios! thank you both for letting me join in! please look out for the rest of the fics đ
Even after a long, cold shower, sleep is proving impossible. The air conditioning hums too loud, doing nothing to cool the embarrassment that has taken over Wonwooâs body. Every time he closes his eyes, the moment in the elevator replaysâ how close he got, how your eyes flickered down to his lips as he spoke, the way water beaded down the long line of your neck. How badly he wanted to touch you.He spends too long trying to convince himself it was just the wine that brought down your defenses, but your last glass was emptied over an hour before you almost let him kiss you. God. You almost let him kiss you. He lets out a bitter laugh as he imagines you talking about what a PR disaster that would be, had the moment played out.
Unable to sleep, he reaches for his phone and pulls up Instagram. He doesnât follow you, never thought youâd want him to, but lately heâs found himself looking up your profile all the same. Your posts are all books he wants to ask you about, views from hotel rooms, occasional pictures with friends at dinnerâ half of the group mid-sentence with drinks in their hands, a stray cat youâre attempting to stroke in Rome, an occasional selfie in front of somewhere beautiful, mussed sheets bathed in sunlight captioned âhomeâ. Try as he might, he canât imagine where you live. An apartment in the city? A villa in the hills?Â
Thereâs one photo of you he particularly likes he found in a carousel of someone else's weddingâ youâre a bridesmaid in a lilac dress, sitting on a wall, feet resting on the thighs of a man (a friend? Someone more?) cropped out of the picture, heels abandoned on the floor. You have a cigarette in your hand, and your eyes are scrunched shut, and youâre blowing a kiss to the camera. He thinks about that photo a lot, and how he hasnât truly seen that side of you in person. The closest he got was all those years ago, when he talked with you in a bar and your smile almost ruined him with the lightness of it. His crush on you was too obvious back then. Embarrassing. If he scrolls further down, Wonwoo would find photos nameless people have taken of you, candid and laughing at the person behind the camera, and he wonders if they were taken by friends, or given their replacement with selfies, an old partner.Â
But heâs not scrolling tonight. Wonwoo is frozen, thumb hovering over the highlighted ring around your profile picture. He hasnât seen you post a story yet and heâs so, so tempted to see what you wonât immortalise on your grid. He glances at your follower account. Small enough that youâd notice his name amongst the viewers.Â
Fuck it.Â
His breath catches in his throat. A brief video of you posted an hour ago, in the mirror of your bathroom with the patter of the shower running in the background. Youâre still wearing that red bikini and looking like an image conjured from his teenage wet dreams, angling your hip to the side so he can just see the curve of your ass. He swallows hard, entranced in the way your manicured fingernails brush across your collarbone, palm conveniently covering the chain that sits at the base of your throat. Is his ring still on it? Is this meant for him? Should he message you? Did you touch yourself in the shower? Wonwooâs head buzzes with questions, not knowing that just a floor away, youâre sliding your nightdress up over your hips.
Youâre desperately fighting away the image your mind conjures of him, careful and meticulous, doing it for you. And as you brush your hand over your thigh, you try not to think of his doing the same. And when you circle your fingers over your clit, you suck in a small breath, and give up trying not to remember that dream you once had of him making you come with long fingers buried deep in your wet cunt. Can still feel his fingers on your cheeks, thumb angling your chin up just toâ your mouth waters. God. God, you shouldnât be thinking of him like this.Â
Your phone buzzes under your pillow, and you drag your hand from between your legs, flip the skirt of your nightdress back down and turn on your side. You pull out your phoneâ two notifications.Â
The first is your friend.
Bridget [22:19] who is THAT thirst trap for
Bridget [22:19] nvm I can guess
You [22:20] Bitch <3
Bridget [22:20] slut <3
The second is him. A like left on the same story youâd hoped he would see. Itâs stupid, you think, the way this small thing makes you feel. Stupid, because him liking you (or your body, whoâs to know, really?) should have no bearing on how you feel about him. How do you feel about him, besides irritated most of the time? Sure, heâs attractive. Anyone with eyes would admit it. And sure, years ago you liked the way his eyes lit up when he talked with you over drinks. But thereâs been an entire lifetime between then and now.Â
He said he hated you too, so whatâs changed? Nothing, as far as you can tell. All thatâs different is the proximity, working in close quarters, and you knowing things about him that you probably shouldnât. A shameful memory of that video brings heat over your body, because you know the way he groans when heâ
You shake the thought. The Wonwoo you know in 2025 is cold, closed off, and distrustful. Nothing in the past few hours has given new insight into his personality, just that heâs not immune to finding you attractive on some basic level. You release a heavy sigh, toying with his ring, still sitting heavy on the chain around your neck.
Nothing has changed.Â
Wonwoo will behave how Wonwoo does. You close your eyes in the hope that sleep will finally come, and take this night away from you.Â
Youâre late getting ready for dinner. A call with Rolex and the potential for a brand ambassadorship ran over, but a meeting is finally booked for Tuesday. You call InĂšs while doing your make-up in the bathroom, and ask her to rearrange yours and Wonwooâs flights for Zurich, first thing Monday morning.Â
The restaurant Bridget has booked means a dress and heels, neither of which you had packed since you donât have any sponsor dinners this week in Miami, so you have to send out for a personal shopper while youâre tied up with the press. Out of three options, two have necklines that can only be considered appropriate for the club, and one isnât ideal for dinner with friends, but itâll do. Soft, pale yellow. The back is lower than youâd like for tonight, dipping elegantly at the small of your back. At least your areolas wonât be visible in this one.Â
At six-fifty five, you slip on your heels and rush out the door down the hall to call for the elevator. The wait for it to reach your floor takes an age, and youâre checking your watch when it dings to announce its arrival. The doors slide open, and thereâs a small intake of breath. You look up to see Wonwoo straightening his spine, his eyes flitting up at you, down at the phone in his hand, and up again. Heâs in a white buttoned shirt, sleeves rolled halfway, black trousers that make his legs look so long, and a long black coat folded over his arm. Looks like something from an old movie, so handsome when he wears his glasses. Your breaths go shallow as you will your fickle heartbeat to relax. Less than twenty-four hours ago, you were in this same lift and he almostâ you almostâ
âAre you getting in or what?â he mutters.Â
âSorry.â You shake your head a little and step inside, tucking yourself into the opposite corner.Â
The lift rumbles into motion, and the two of you stand in silence. You know his eyes are on you occasionally, lingering glances caught in your peripherals. If heâs not going to mention your almost kiss, your Instagram story, then neither will you. Leaves you feeling off-centre. Unbalanced. But you refuse to be the first to lose your cool.Â
âYou didnât bring a jacket,â he says suddenly. An observation, not a question. âItâs cold outside.â
âItâs Miami,â you retort. âHow cold can it get?â
Thereâs a brief moment where it looks like heâs about to argue with you, but it seems he changes his mind when his eyes drop to your neck. âWhereâs my ring?â
You slipped it off the chain this morning. Thought it best you stopped carrying it around everywhere you go.Â
âIn the safe in my room,â you say flatly. âIâll fetch it for you tomorrow.âÂ
âGood,â he says, folding his arms. âI missed it.â
Ever since youâve been tasked with taking care of it, youâve wanted to ask what it means to him, why heâs so attached, but the two of you fall into uncomfortable silence once again. Finally, finally, the doors slide open to the lobby, where Carlos is already waiting for you. He lifts his hand in a friendly wave, and when you walk over to meet him, Wonwoo falls into step beside you.Â
âYou look nice,â Carlos says as you greet him. And to Wonwooâ âDoesnât she look lovely?âÂ
Wonwoo stiffens. âYes,â he murmurs. âGood⊠uhâ good dress.â
Hardly looks at you as he says it, and you feel the prickle of annoyance rising up your spine again. Canât mean it, surely, but heâs hardly going to insult you to your face, not in front of Carlos.Â
Carlos slips an arm around your waist. âWhen was the last time you wore a dress, huh? I didnât even know you owned one.â
You catch it, the way Wonwoo sneaks a sideways glance, then trains his narrowed eyes forward to focus on the elevators. âLiar, how many times have we had sponsor dinners?â You laugh, shoving Carlos off. âAnyway, whatâs this?â you ask, plucking at his Williams puffer jacket over a light blue shirt. âYou know weâre going somewhere grossly expensive, right?â
His smile splits his face as he laughs. âI need to rep the team, so Iâve been told.â
âAhââ you say knowingly. âCanât fault you for that, I suppose.â
Wonwoo clears his throat, and while you pointedly ignore the interruption, Carlos turns his attention on him. âWhat are your plans tonight?â
âMe?â says Wonwoo, distracted, scanning the faces exiting the elevator into the lobby. âI donât know. Mingyu mentioned dinner with someone he knows.â
Your phone buzzes. You fish it out, and see that your driver is pulling up. âUberâs close by,â you say to Carlos. âWe should head outside.â
âSure,â he says to you with a smile, and to Wonwooâ âHave a good night, mate.â
You donât wait for Wonwooâs reply. Just link arms with Carlos and walk out into the night. Unfortunately, Wonwoo is right. Itâs cold.Â
Bridget is positively giddy as enter the restaurant. You put it down to her new boyfriend, Eric, who is very sweet and completely enamoured with both her and Carlos. As youâre shown to your table and settle into your seat, you look at her questioningly.Â
âDo we have two more coming?â you ask, gesturing to the empty chairsâ one beside you, and the other on the other side of the table, beside Bridget.
âOh, just a couple of friends!â she says, a tiny smile playing on her lips, focusing very hard on her menu. âVery last minute, hope you understand.â
You narrow your eyes. âWell, who is it?â
Bridget doesnât need to answer, because you catch the movement of the hostess behind you, showing an equally blindsided Wonwoo, and a smiling (like a cat who got the canary) Mingyu, who winks at your horrible, evil, sneaky friend. Youâre cutting them both off your Christmas card list.
Mingyu slips into the seat beside Bridget before Wonwoo has a chance to react, leaving him with no other option than to sink into the chair next to yours. Itâs crowded, the table is meant for five instead of six, too small for this many people. Wonwooâs arm brushes yours.Â
âThey couldnât sit two celebrities at a bigger table?â you grumble.
Bridget grins devilishly. âI prefer it like this,â she says (in your head youâre calling her a liar). âVery cosy, donât you think?â She touches Mingyuâs arm gently. âThanks for coming, darling,â she says.
Carlos leans over you to askâ âWonwoo, why didnât you tell us you were coming earlier?â
Wonwoo looks at him, then slides earnest eyes over to you. âI didnât know.â And then quieterâ âHonestly.âÂ
Bridget claps her hands together, grinning wide at you, daring you to say something. âWe couldnât have it looking like a double date, now, could we?â You hide your burning face in your menu. âNo offence, Carlos, but wouldnât that be a conflict of interest?â
âNo FIA rules about who dates who,â teases Carlos, raising an eyebrow at you.Â
You roll your eyes. âYou all know fine well that I donât date my colleagues.â You feel Wonwoo shift next to you, but you wonât pay him any attention. âToo messy.âÂ
Carlos waves his hand dismissively. âItâs only messy if your last name is Horner.â
Thereâs stunned laughter around the table, even Wonwoo covers his mouth with his hand to stop his laugh escaping.
âOr if youâre accused of sharing information,â you say, smiling. âPR disaster.â
Bridget tilts her head to the side, like an innocent puppy you know she isn't. âMaybe you should date someone from Ferrari instead.âÂ
You try to press sharp on her toe under the table but you get Eric instead, who yelps. Bridget grins. You feign innocence. âMaybe I shouldnât date at all.â
Time moves like molasses. Bridget and Mingyu seem to take extra time choosing their drinks (she has the same gimlet she always has. Mingyu has a beer), ordering their meals (Mingyu asks for a few more minutes twice) and when your espresso martini is placed in front of you, everyone (including the waiter) turns to look at you bemused, as you knock it back and order another.Â
âWhat?â you say, wiping the foam from the corner of your mouth with your ring finger. âItâs been a long week.â
Dinner moves slower, if at all possible. By the time Bridget finishes picking at her starter, youâve finished your second drink and youâre signaling to the waiter for a third. You sneak subtle glances at Wonwoo when you think heâs not looking. Heâs only half listening to the animated conversation playing out in front of you, going between looking down at his plate and staring off into space. Every time either of you move, your skin brushes his, and itâs just enough to drive you crazy.Â
You pick at your food. Truth be told, you shouldnât let Bridgetâs meddling get the better of your mood, since thereâs no possibility of anything between you and Wonwoo anyway, becauseâ
You work together
He hated you for years
What happened last night was the result of too many drinks on your part, and him mistaking frustration and friction for sexual tension, or something
Heâs only a man, after all. Donât they all think with their dicks?ââ
Whatever Bridget and Mingyu were pulling hasnât worked, because the night ends with you outside waiting for your uber, tipsy and shivering in the wind. The others are still inside, trying to decide which bar they want to try next, and you said your goodbyes early on account of an early start tomorrow morning. Carlos is staying put, sitting at the bar and flirting with a model who turns out to be a friend of a friend of a friend. Heâs given you his jacket though, and youâve pulled it around your body tight to keep the chill of the wind out.Â
Thereâs the noise of the door behind you and you turn to see Wonwoo watching you, and you almost snap your neck turning back to face the road again. Wonwoo comes to stand at your side. Too close. Close enough that you can catch his cologne on the wind.Â
âYou need to take this off.â
You nearly choke on air as you whip your head around to look at him incredulously. âExcuse me?â
âCarlosâ jacket,â he says, raising an eyebrow and casting his eyes down over your form. âYouâre wearing a competitor's merchandise.â
Heâs right. It looks questionable if twisted a certain way, but itâs easily explained. âIâm cold,â you say simply, looking back out to the road again, looking for any sign of your uber.Â
âWell, I warned you,â he chides.
âI didnât bring anything warm thatâd go with this anyway.â
âHere,â he starts. You catch movement in the corner of your eye. He shrugs off his jacket, turns to you, and tugs on the sleeve of yours, and moves into your space. You swallow thick. âHave mine. Canât have our Head of Communications caught up in a dating scandal, can we?â
âI think Iâm safe, with Carlos inside chasing models.â You laugh, though you let him slide the Williams jacket down your arms. The wind makes you shiver, but heâs got you. He slips his (still warm from his own body) coat over your shoulders. It shrouds you. He shrouds you, still up in your personal space, still not stepping back to give you room to breathe.Â
âWhat about you?â you ask, and the concern evident in your voice surprises you. âArenât you cold now?âÂ
Wonwoo huffs a gentle laugh. âIâm okay.â
âDid you get the feeling weâre being set up?â he asks quietly.Â
âHmm,â you agree, keeping your eyes trained on the road. âBridgetâs as subtle as a brick through a window.â
âMingyu too.â Wonwoo chuckles. He sounds fond for once. âIâm sorry, you know?â
You shake your head. âYou didnât knââ
âNoââ he interrupts. Thereâs a long pause. You can feel his eyes on you, but you still wonât look at him. Youâve had a little too much to drink and you know yourself. Know youâll lean into a moment if he lays it out for you. Best not to look at all. âI mean about last night. I shouldnât have tried toââ
âRightââ you cut him off back. He must regret it, and the decision on how to handle these brewing feelings has been snatched from your hands. âNo. No, it's fine.â Your voice is too tight to feign feeling normal about the direction this conversation went. âLetâs forget about it.âÂ
As soon as you say that you have the urge to take it back, but God, itâs too embarrassing. It feels like youâve lost a game you didnât know you were playing, and fuck, do you hate to lose.Â
Until quietly, he says, âIâm gonna go and give this back to Carlos.â
The sound of the door leaves you alone with your swirling thoughts and the lump in your throat. It doesnât matter. In fact, this is good, right? Because nothing actually happened and heâs not even interested. It was just⊠you donât know what it was. Your uber pulls up, and before you close the car door you look through the window to see Wonwoo being clapped on the shoulder by Carlos, and being introduced to the model, and the modelâs equally beautiful friend. Wonwoo smiles wide at her, brilliant and blinding.Â
Heâs not interested in you. Heâs got no reason to be. This isâ this is good, right? So why does the scene unfolding before your very eyes make you crave a cigarette, and another drink?
Wonwooâs laying in bed reading his book when thereâs a noise outside his doorâ not a knock, sounds like someone trying to get in. He stands, wary, watches the handle jiggle, and moves over to look through the peephole. Itâs you, except youâre moving away, trying the door across the hall.Â
Wonwoo pulls the door open, calls your name questioningly. When you turn you almost topple over, so you brace yourself backwards on the opposite wall. You look at him with slow surprise and a loll of your head, and he wonders if youâve been drinking alone this whole time. Heâd intended to hitch a ride back to the hotel with you, but in the few minutes it took to give Carlos back his jacket and sign an autograph for his new âfriendsâ, you had disappeared. âWhat are you doing?â he asks.Â
You rush toward him, stumble over your own feet as you clamp your hand over his mouth. âShhhhh,â you whisper. Wonwoo freezes, save for his deepening frown, because you donât seem the slightest bit disconcerted by the fact heâs having to hold you steady. âI loâ lost mâroom. Everythinâ looks the same.âÂ
âJesusâ how much did you drink?â
Your hand slips from his mouth, dragging clumsily along his jaw, before you let it fall against his chest. He catches your wrist gently before you can lose your footing again.
âEn-enough,â you say, interrupted by hiccups, eyes slipping shut for a second too long. âNeeded to clâclear my head. Mâall muddled.â
He exhales, long and tight, and glances down the corridorâ empty, thank God. âCome on. Youâll wake up the whole floor.â
âUgh.â You shake your head, stubborn even like this. âMâ my roomâs right here, âswear.â You slip out of his grip, try swiping your keycard on the door across the hall. The light blinks red.
âNot yours,â Wonwoo mutters, catching your elbow before you smack it into the wall. âJust come in, weâll call reception and figure out where youâre supposed to be.â
You blink up at him, lashes heavy. âWith you?â
âYes, with me.â His voice grits low. âUnless you want to roam the halls all night?â
Something about that makes you laughâ too loud, and you slap your own hand over your mouth to muffle it. He drags you inside quickly, kicks the door shut with his heel, and for the first time tonight you look flustered. Itâs somewhat reminiscent of the night before in the elevator, and Wonwoo isnât sure how to take it. Your disregard for him today showed Wonwoo you clearly donât think of him in the same way he thinks of you. But the way youâre looking at him now, with the tension positively tangible, radiating from your bodyâ it has him at a loss.Â
And then you shrug out of his touch again and the moment is dissolved. You sway once, twice, before letting yourself collapse onto the end of his bed, dumping your clutch on the floor, and struggling with the strap on your heel. He stands there for a moment watching your usual grace reduced to clumsiness, and he pinches the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses before kneeling to the floor in front of you. He takes your heel onto his thigh to help unbuckle the strap, pointedly ignoring the way you stiffen under his touch, the sharp intake of your breath. He canât let himself read into it.
âWhyâre you being sânice to me?â you ask, softer now. He slips the heel from your foot, then repeats the action with the other. Your breath shudders.Â
He runs a hand through his hair, lets your bare foot slip from his thigh to the floor, exhales soft. âIâm always nice.â
âNo youâre not.â Your lips twitch, the faintest smile, and you lean back on your elbows, head tipping back and exposing the long line of skin that Wonwoo has thought too much about. His eyes fall back to his knees, your ankles either side. Being between your legs like this isnât what he imagined. âYou snap at me. And when youâre not snapping you ignore me.â
There have been certain moments in Wonwooâs life when he has remained silent when he shouldnât have. He knows, in hindsight, that what he regrets most are only actions not taken, words left unsaid. Soâ
âI couldnât ignore you if I tried.â
âBut you donât wanna kiss me?â You say, and the words come soured.
Wonwooâs breath hitches in his throat, but when he glances up, your head is falling back into the sheets, body too heavy to prop up any longer, pretty eyes fluttering shut as you finally surrender to exhaustion.Â
Heâs not sure how to handle this. At first he tries to wake you, but youâre dead to the world. He calls Mingyu to ask if heâs still with Bridget (he isnât). He calls reception to try and figure out your room number (they wonât give it). He thinks better of asking the staff to help you to your room because (a) leaving you drunk and in the care of strangers doesnât sit right with him, and (b) youâd pull out the pear of anguish for him if this out of character behaviour brought any bad press on either of you.Â
Wonwoo settles for pulling the blanket over you gently, letting you sleep it off as long as you need. He switches off the lamp, sets himself stiffly in the armchair by the window, and resigns himself to an uncomfortable night. At least tomorrow is only free practice.
Deft hands skate across your skin, slipping down your leg, and massaging his fingers into the arch of your foot. He brings it up, presses his lips to your sole, circles long fingers around your ankle and drags his nose up your calf, mouths at the skin as he goes. He hooks your knee over his shoulder, nudges your thighs apart, wants easy access, wants you pliant, wants you open, wants you bear. Nips at your inner thigh on one side and slides his hand up the other, and works his way up in little circles, slow slow slow. He starts to lick, gathers spit on his tongue and laves it over your skin, blows cool air across the warmth he brings. Casts his eyes up as he gets ever closer to where you need him, takes in the way your chest rises quick quick quick with each shallow breath, smirks soft as your breath hitches when he just barely brushes his fingers over your cotton clad cunt. Smiles wide when you shudder as he does it again, and again. Makes a low, appreciative sound when you get needy, grind against his fingers and chase the little friction he allows you. Frustrated, you whine his nameâ
âWonwooââ
You startle yourself awake to the bed smelling both unfamiliar and not, still wearing the dress from the night before. You blink the sleep from your eyes, push yourself up to sit and freeze when you spot him sitting in the armchair, straightening his spine and blinking slowly, the early morning sun filtering through the gap in the curtains lays a slice of light across his face. He looks as dazed as you feel.
âDid youââ he starts, voice rasped with sleep. âDo you dream of me?â
You suck in a sharp breath. Bite your lip to stop them from betraying you further.
âWhat did you dream about?â he asks, firm and insistent.Â
âNothing,â you blurt out. âWork. Why am I here, Wonwoo?â
The question is both feigned and pointless because although your memories swirl, you can piece it together. You remember his touch, his polite concern, the disappointment you felt when he didnât touch you the way you truly wanted in your drunken stupor.
âYouâre lying,â he breathes, watching you with the sort of look youâve only seen on him just before he pulls on his helmetâ entirely focused. âI heard you. I hear you all the time.â
Embarrassment crawls up your neck. You want to laugh, to deny, to point out how ridiculous this is, but words only fail you. The memory of the dream, of being teased and drawn out and brought to the edge, sits heavy and slick behind your ribs. Your mind spins. He hears you? Heard what? God, itâs just a dream. Theyâre just dreams! They have no bearing on reality and they certainly donât change whatever the fuck is happening here.
âWonwooâ Iâ I canât,â you start desperately, and you watch his face sag. âI donât knowââ
There is no strategy for this. No neat line to cross with a chequered flag. You fall back down, dragging the duvet up over your face, and he remains where he is.Â
âYou donât know what?â he asks, voice thick.
âWhat to think, I guess?â you admit, voice muffled beneath the duvet. A pause. âYouâreâ youâre confusing me.â
He huffs a begrudging laugh, and quietly, he repliesâ âYouâve confused me for ages.âÂ
You fall into a wooden silence yet again, your face growing warmer and warmer beneath the sheets, until you push them down and take in a cooling, heavy breath.Â
âWhat time is it?â you ask.
âToo early,â he murmurs, settling back into his chair. He must be so uncomfortable. âSleep a bit more.â
What you want:Â
Invite him in. (The bed is big enough for the two of you to lay side by side with a gap to rival the size of the Grand Canyon between you.) Slip a hand into his and lay there, figure out if this is a good idea or not. If itâs smart. If it could work. Whatever it is.Â
What you really want is to kiss. Deep and languid and slow. What you want is to know how heâd really touch you, if itâs the same as it is deep in your subconscious. What you want is him. Exactly as he is.Â
What you do:
Slip out of bed, find your shoes and your clutch neatly placed next to the nightstand, offer quiet apologies for taking up his time, his bed, for dreaming of him (you donât say that last part), insist you go when he protests, because heâs got practice later today and itâs more important heâs well rested than you. You rush out the door without looking back, and once it clicks closed you scarper down the hall into the elevator and jab the button for the ground floor, and press your burning forehead against the mirror on the back wall.Â
Avoiding Wonwoo proves difficult. On Friday, you task your team with recording his every move for social media, you wrangle more time with Netflix so theyâre following him everywhere but the toilet, even find that guy who asks nonsensical questions for YouTube and all but physically push him in Wonwooâs direction. As for yourself, you throw yourself into work and keep company everywhere you go, so even when Wonwoo falls into step beside you as you rush through the paddock, thereâs no gap in the conversation for him to occupy. When youâre seeking out Edoardo in the garage, itâs Wonwoo who helps you find him, even while cameras are on him. If he notices the way youâre doing your best to cut him out, he doesnât mention it, heâs just ever present, always in the corner of your eye.Â
The trouble is, even if you avoid his actual presence, he takes up every crevice of your mind anyway. If youâre not working on his campaigns, or his interviews, or talking about him (and Charles) with the team, then your recent dreams swim back into your vision and you forget what youâre supposed to be doing entirely. This is exactly why you donât mess around with someone at work. Too much mess for what itâs worth.Â
On Saturday, qualifying goes so badly Wonwoo places P13 on the grid, and Charles places P9. Thereâs an issue with Charlesâ car, and Wonwooâs is perfectly fine. Not the worst, but certainly not living up to his track record. Edoardo is all foul language and irritation, and while heâs in this mood every member of the team that can slip away does so, moving slow to remain unnoticed. You hold your ground, because dealing with men in power and their tempers is nothing newâ your dad, your old boss, your current boss. Theyâre all the same. Overgrown babies throwing their toys out of the pram. You usher him into the backroom and close the door to keep away prying eyes while Edoardo rants at the air in four different languages. You spend the time going through your emails as you wait for Edoardo to run out of steam, and eventually while heâs catching his breath, you casually ask if heâd like a cup of tea. Edoardo sighs. He would, thank you.Â
Outside the garage is where you bump into Wonwoo, closely followed by a couple of social media admins with cameras.Â
âGive it five minutes before you go in,â you say.
Wonwoo looks over your head at the garage. âHeâs upset?â
âUpset is a euphemism,â you mutter. âBut if you go in now heâll lose a lung. Go take a break,â you say gently to the admins. Nothing Edoardo has to say to Wonwoo should be caught on film anyway. They say polite goodbyes as they scarper the other way, but Wonwoo doesnât linger by the garage as you head in the direction of the hospitality unit. No, he falls into step beside you.Â
âYouâre avoiding me,â he says, after you look at him with pointed disdain.
âIâm working.â You walk faster, but Wonwoo and his ridiculous long legs can easily match your pace.Â
âHavenât you delegated everything by now?â He scoffs. âWerenât you supposed to be covering my interviews while Jeonghanâs with Gabriella, whyâs Carmen doing it?â
âIâm busy.â
âAnd youâve got these kids following me around with cameras all day asking me to be their performing monkey.â
âSo perform,â you mutter under your breath.Â
âExcuse me?âÂ
âDonât look at me like that,â you snap. âThis is part of your job whether you like it or not, and we need to catch up with our competitors on social media. Weâre falling behind.âÂ
âHold onâ can we justââ In one swift motion he moves in front of you, brings you to a sudden halt with his hands on your arms and you jolt back out of his touch. âI wanted to ask you something.â
You glare at him because God, youâre not having this conversation here. âIt had better be about work,â you hiss. âBecause Iâll kill you if you make another scene like you did in the eââ
âNoâ no, Iââ he pauses and sucks in a breath. He drags his gaze away from your face then, fixing on something over your head. Pink creeps over his cheeks, thereâs sweat drying on his neck, the under-suit turtleneck hardly hiding the way his Adamâs apple bobs in his throat. Itâs almost endearing, but Christ, you want to shake the words out of him.
âCould you wear my ring again?â
Your lips part, but no words come out at first. Of all the things he couldâve said, this wasnât what you would ever have expected. âUhââ
âI was doing better when you had it on.â
Your eyes narrow. âI never had you down as the superstitious type.â
âIâm not, really. But Iâll take any good luck charm if it helps me win.â
You blink.Â
âIâm not your talisman,â you laugh, incredulous. âYou think Iâm the problem with your qualifying? That you dropped so far on the grid because I wasnât wearing your fucking ring?â
He shakes his head. âNo. Not the problem. Justâ when you wore it, I was doing so well, and I liked knowing you had it safe with you.â His hands twitch uselessly at his sides. âAnd when I asked you to take it offâ I didnât even want it back. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.â
The admission sits between you, heavy, sticky. All these years heâs made excuses to do the exact opposite and you canât pinpoint when it changed. Heat crawls up your throat. For a moment you forget where you are, the sharp smell of rubber and petrol, the low rumble of engines starting up somewhere nearby. All you see is himâ sweat still drying at his temple, pink at his ears, eyes shining in a way thatâs too close to an admission of feeling.
You glance over his shoulder, subtly checking to make sure no cameras are near enough to catch this conversation. âIâll wear it on one condition.â
He exhales, almost sounding relieved. âWhat?â
âYouâll do everything I ask.âÂ
He raises an eyebrow. âI already do that.â
âYou do not. The admins have been telling me youâre being uncooperative when theyâre trying to make content.â
Wonwoo crosses his arms. âWell youâre not the one asking.â
You roll your eyes. âIt comes from me and you know it.â Wonwoo doesnât answer, just scrunches up his nose in that way he does. âCome on, Wonwoo,â you say, voice low. âPerform for me.â
A barely there flicker of a smile, a small nod, and heâs moving out of your space. Wonwoo jogs back towards the garage and Edoardo, race-suit slung low around his hips. You wonder if this is what it feels like when you both win.
Later when youâre laying in bed, Wonwooâs ring back on the chain around your neck, you check Tiktok. Thereâs a new video with over a million views since it was posted this afternoon, captioned âOuttakes with Jeon Wonwoo.â
Itâs silly. Just spliced together clips of him sighing dramatically, more of him being told to pose for the camera and his lovely natural smile goes all wooden as he holds up his thumb, hugging Charles with a confused ââno idea what youâre telling me to do? Put my hands where? On his butt?â and Charles desperately trying to contain his laughter. Cut to another clip captioned âbreak timeââ Wonwoo sitting on a high stool, staring absentmindedly, kicking his legs and eating a banana. When he catches sight of the camera on him he swallows the rest of the banana whole, and almost chokes on it.
Itâs so silly, but it has over a million views since it was posted earlier today, and the comments are awash with fangirls saying heâs effortlessly funny and his english is soooooo cute and TIL THE DENTIST KNOWS ITS HIMâ which is a little odd considering the whole thing gave you the most sickening cuteness aggression. How mortifying.
On Sunday night, when youâre working from your hotel bed in your pyjamas, you get a text.
Wonwoo [21:14] Iâm assuming you wore it?
Despite yourself, a half smile tugs at the corners of your mouth. You lean back against the headboard and snap a quick photo of his ring, resting perfectly between your collarbones, grainy in the dim light from your laptop screen.Â
You [21:15] Congratulations on P2. Still canât say I had much to do with it
You [21:15] IMG_4286
Wonwoo [21:15] I appreciate it anyway
Wonwoo [21:15] Why donât you come celebrate with us?
Wonwoo [21:15] IMG_1938
Itâs a dimly lit photo of his own, him and Max (who took P1) and George (P3) in a bar, and theyâre all smiling wide at the camera. There are others at the table with themâ you recognise a strategist from Red Bull, some staff from Mercedes. No one but Wonwoo from Ferrari. Wonwooâs glasses are slipping down his nose, and heâs in a baggy white t-shirt rolled at the sleeves, with his hair pushed back like heâs walked straight out of a shampoo commercial. His glass halfway to his mouth.
You [21:15] Canât. Got an early flight. We both do
Wonwoo [21:16] Maybe InĂšs has us next to each other again
You laugh. Nearly text back âGod forbidâ before something has you deleting it.
You [21:16] Maybe cool it with the beer
You [21:16] I couldnât bear it if you smelled of alcohol right next to me so early in the morning
You [21:16] And we donât want a repeat of the last couple of times either of us got drunk
The reply is almost instantaneous.Â
Wonwoo [21:16] Whoâs we? I was gonna ask if I could come see you
Your breath sticks in your throat. Images of your recent dreams flashing through your imagination that you shake away. You lock your phone and unlock it within seconds. Read the message a third, a fourth, a fifth time, and you still canât think of a reason why heâd want to leave his friends to seek out your company if itâs not forâ
Another text vibrates you out of the fog.Â
Wonwoo [21:18] What's your name? Whyâs Wonwoo got you saved as Taskmaster? Is he dumping us to go hang out with you?
You [21:18] Whoâs this?
Wonwoo [21:18] George. Your turn
You [21:18] Do me a favour, would you George?
Wonwoo [21:18] Anything for the woman heâs been agonising over texting for the last hour
Wonwoo [21:18] Or man. Iâm an ally đ«¶
Your heart hammers in your chest. Youâre being reckless, you know, but you just want to see if heâll live up to his word. If heâll do as you say.Â
You [21:18] Tell Wonwoo if he wants my room number heâs going to have to work for it
Wonwoo [21:18] SaucyÂ
Across town, Wonwoo is wrestling with George to get his phone back. The others look on, laughing and jeering, but with a sharp twist to Georgeâs nipple through his shirt, Wonwooâs phone finally slips from his grip. Wonwoo takes off to the bar to collect himself.Â
Wonwoo [21:20] They took my phone out of my pocket. Ignore them
Wonwoo [21:20] Wait. Work for it how?
You [21:20] Your fangirls on TikTok are saying itâs been forever since you posted a selfie. Theyâre desperate for one. They need food for their edits of you
Three little dots appear and disappear in quick succession. A full five minutes goes by before you get a notification from Wonwoo on Instagramâ heâs sent you his story.Â
There is safety in the privacy of your room, but still you feel the need to slip down and hide your shamefully heated face under the duvet. You click the story, and itâs just a mirror selfie. Pretty face half obscured by his phone, but his sleeves are rolled just high enough that you can see the definition in his arms, the veins in his hands, and how broad his shoulders are. Caption in the corner, a simple âonly got podium because of youâ and itâs not for you since heâs posted for all his 9.4 million followers to see, but itâs got your gross smile widening anyway.Â
Wonwoo [21:26] Well?
You [21:26] Good job
You [21:26] 8/10Â
Wonwoo [21:27] Your turn
You blink stupidly at your screen.Â
You [21:28] My turn to what?
Wonwoo [21:28] Post a selfie on instagram
You [21:28] I hardly think my measly 214 followers are interested in me bare faced in my pyjamas Â
Wonwoo [21:28] At least one is
You [21:28] You donât follow me
Wonwoo [21:28] Who said I meant me
Your face flames, but the everyone_woo started following you notification comes through only seconds later, and itâs ridiculous the way it makes your pulse skip. You glance at the mirror on the wardrobe across the room, at the mess of your hair, your soft pink pyjama shorts, the matching tank top sans bra. He couldnât have messaged you an hour ago?
You grab your phone and slip into the bathroom, flicking on the overhead light. It isnât forgiving, so you switch on the mirror light instead. Better. You fix your hair, tilt your chin, let the strap of your pyjama top slide off your shoulder, and lean a little forward on the counter. Not too posed, but obvious. One quick snap, and the reflection of the flash across your collarbones makes his ring gleam.Â
You deliberate for a good thirty seconds before posting it to your story. Caption: early flight club âïž
Itâs out there. Your stomach twists in anticipation of his response, and you lock your phone, slide across the counter lest you seem too eager to read any reply he might send. You splash water on your face, take longer than necessary to brush your teeth (for the second time tonight) just for something to occupy you for a moment longer.Â
When youâre back in bed, you finally dare to look at your phone again, and there it is, amongst a few likes and a reply from Bridget with a bunch of aubergine and squirt emojis.
Wonwoo [21:31] Cute
You bite the inside of your cheek, thumbs still damp as you type.
You [21:33] Not what I was going for
Wonwoo [21:34] Well I didnât want to be too forward
You stare at that for too long, the simple weight of it pressing down on your chest. You canât imagine what heâd say if there wasnât this strange tension between you. What heâd tell you if neither of you were inclined to hold back.Â
You [21:34] Tell me
Wonwoo [21:34] Rather tell you in person
Your breath stutters. You almost ask him to come to you, tell you anything he wants, but instead you chicken out and sendâ
You [21:36] Shouldnât you be celebrating instead of texting me?
Wonwoo [21:39] Like you said, got an early flight. On my way back to the hotel
Another pause. Your throat goes dry as you stare at yourself in the mirror of the vanity and wonder if you can really do this.
Wonwoo [21:41] Iâll be back in twenty minutes
Wonwoo [21:41] If you want to come up
You can feel yourself teetering recklessly on the edge. You could. Thereâs nothing but your own arbitrary rules to stop you. Youâve been telling yourself youâre only curious to experience it, you just want to see what itâs like, just to try him on for size. Itâs not like you like him. And it feels beyond reason, the way want drives you to type âyes, Iâll be thereâ only for the message to remain unsent. Stillâ thereâs the unsettling anxiety rolling in the pit of your stomach. You delete the message. Type it again. End up sending nothing at all.
The plane is mercifully quiet at dawn since most of the team have a later flight out but even through your haze of too-little sleep and too-much coffee, you spot him immediately. Brim of his bucket hat tugged low, hoodie zipped up, mask over his face. InĂšs has done it again. Two seats, side by side.
You stow your bag in the overhead locker and settle into your seat, pull your book from your bag just for something to do. Wonwoo doesnât even say hello. He keeps his eyes down, thumbs busy with his phone. You tell yourself you donât care. If heâs disappointed about last night he can sulk if he wants to. But the silence feels all wrong now.
By the time you're in the air and the seatbelt light clicks off, you canât take it anymore. âYou donât have to sit next to me, you know,â you mutter, eyes still on the same page. âIf Iâve pissed you off that much.â
He blinks, caught off guard. âWhat?â
âYou could swap seats. The planeâs half empty.â You set your book in your lap and turn to look at him. Heâs pulled his mask down over his chin, watching you with a cautious expression. âLook, Iâm sorry about last night. So letâs just pretend we didnâtââ Flirt you almost say, but the word lodges in your throat. ââtalk. We made a mistake.â
Something flickers across his face, too quick to catch. He leans back in his seat, finding sudden fascination with the buttons on the side of his armrest.
âYouâd been drinking, I shouldnât haveââ you start, but falter in lieu of words you canât find to accurately describe the shift in tension the last few days have brought about. âI shouldnât have encouraged whatever we were doing.â
âI see,â he seethes, red creeping over his ears.Â
You bristle. âYouâre angry with me?â
His head snaps toward you, eyes narrowing. âWhat? Jesus Christ, Iâm embarrassed that Iââ He breaks off, lowering his voice to a hiss. âYou think Iâm annoyed because you didnât show up?â
Your pulse hammers. âArenât you?â
âGod, youâre impossible,â he whispers, sharp enough to make you flinch, then pinches the bridge of his nose.Â
âFor fucks sake, Wonwoo.â You lean just far enough toward him that your shoulders brush. âIâm soooo sorry for not throwing myself at you just because you were horny and drunk,â you hiss in his ear, ignoring the heat radiating off him.Â
His jaw tightens. âThatâs notâ I had two driâ you were the one whoââ He exhales hard, shaking his head. âForget it. Youâre determined to misunderstand me anyway.â
âFine.â You slam your book shut, shove it into the seat pocket with more force than necessary. âConsider me misunderstood.â
The silence after that is brutal. He angles his body away, arms crossed, staring out the window at nothing but ocean. You turn on your side to face the aisle as best you can, scrunch your eyes shut and pretend to sleep, but every minute of his quiet only tightens the knots in your stomach. Only twelve hours to go.Â
Forty minutes in and the aircon cuts out. The cabin heats fast without it. Wonwoo shrugs off his hoodie, and you do the sameâ wishing youâd worn a day-old t-shirt rather than the only clean thing you had left in your suitcase, a satin camisole with a too-low neckline. Youâve got to find a new assistant who cares about your professional reputation.Â
Fifteen minutes later, when the cabin is already sweltering and your skin is going slick with sweat, the announcement comes. You have to make an emergency landing in the Bahamas, and theyâll either fix the plane or rebook your flight.Â
Itâs fine. Itâs okay. This happens all the time. Doesnât stop your nerves from spiking because fuck do you hate when plans go awry. Beside you, Wonwoo is unperturbed. Of course he doesnât give a shit if you have to cancel a six-million euro meeting with Rolex if it gives him an easy out.Â
The descent is bumpy. You keep your hands folded tight in your lap, nails pressing crescent moons into your palms. Wonwoo noticesâ and out of the corner of your eye you think you see his hand almost reach for you. You blink. Must be the heat fucking with you, because when you sneak a sideways glance again, his hand is resting as it was before on the armrest.
On the tarmac, the captainâs apology is drowned out by the sound of the ground crew and the complaints of your increasingly stressed fellow passengers. The press of heat makes you feel sick. They keep you confined to your seats while they work, handing out bottles of water that do little to cool your sweat slick bodies. Wonwooâs hat and mask have long been shed, and he sits with his head tipped back, neck long and lovely and wet, eyes closed so his pretty eyelashes fan over pinked cheeks. Â
After an hour on the ground, youâre starting to feel dizzy. You focus on a bead of sweat thatâs sliding slowly down his temple and over the curve of his jaw. You hitch your breath as it catches in the hollow of his neck before disappearing into the collar of his wet shirt. You stare longer than you mean to. Takes a little longer for you to realise heâs caught you looking.
Doesnât say anything, but he holds your gaze for a moment too long, and the look on his face sucks the air from your lungs faster than the heat.Â
Wonwoo clears his throat. âYou look terrible.â
âIâm fine,â you say, though your voice is ragged with heat and exhaustion.
âYouâre sweating through your clothes.â
âSo donât look.â Pervert.
âHere, have some of my water.â
You lazily shove the bottle in his outstretched hand away. âI said Iâm fine,â you insist through gritted teeth.
Wonwoo swears under his breath. âWould you stop being so fucking stubborn for once?â
Your mouth opens, ready to berate him for pushing your buttons for no good reason, but nothing comes out. Just caught by the way his heavy lidded eyes flicker to your lips, and further, to your camisole sticking to your dampened skin, and the way your chest rises faster, harder than youâd like. The way he looks at you in this moment is a beautiful knife, cutting right through you. He swallows, and you watch his Adamâs apple bob in his throat. You both look away at the same time.
Itâs clear the plane isnât going anywhere within another twenty agonising minutes. The captain breaks the news: the flightâs canceled, the next direct to Zurich isnât until tomorrow night. Unless youâd like to take three connections and spend the next thirty-six hours pinging around North America and Europe, this is it. When the announcement lands, your stomach flips. Wonwoo just leans back, unreadable, while you call InĂšs and ask her to make sure youâre on the flight out of here, and find you both somewhere to stay for a night.Â
Another twenty minutes and theyâre finally bringing the plane up to the gate. Your vision swims when you stand and reach up to open the overhead locker, and you stumble against the seat across the aisle from yours. Wonwoo makes a soft sound of admonishment before standing to guide you back to your seat with gentle hands on your arms. Everything feels foggy, the way he whispers your name, the way he holds a water bottle against your neck, the way his hands arenât cold at all, right now. He must be suffering in this heat too, but you can hardly speak. All you can do is nod vacantly, when he says itâs okay, itâs okay, theyâre letting us off soon. Let me go talk to someoneâ donât move, okay? Okay?
You canât tell if itâs been seconds or thirty minutes by the time you hear Wonwoo calling your name again. He sounds far away, underwater almost, but heâs touching your arm. Slowly blinking your eyes open, heâs right there with a stewardess and a wheelchair, and heâs leaning down, saying something like câmon, can you put your arms around me? And when you do, when you circle your arms around his neck, his cheek presses against yours and heâs lifting you out of your seat and into the chair and itâs hard to let goâ you donât want to let go, you cling and sob and heâs saying itâs okay, youâre okay, I promise. Itâs the closest youâve ever been. And God, how utterly mortifying this whole ordeal has become.Â
The airport passes by in a blur. The staff help you through passport control while Wonwoo follows closely behind with your bags, and with another twenty minutes of the sweet luxury of air conditioning in baggage claim, you slowly come back to your senses. Wonwoo floats the idea of going to hospital but youâve got enough strength back to firmly refuse any notion of that. Even so, Wonwoo wonât let you out of the wheelchair while he waits to collect your suitcases. Without the worry youâre going to pass out, the two of you are back to a terse silence, but you catch him watching you once, then twice, like he wants to talk but doesnât know what to say. You donât know what to say either. Just want to wash the humiliation and the drying sweat from your skin.Â
InĂšs calls you back while Wonwoo is pushing you toward the cafe and a member of airport staff follows behind with your bags, he sits you at a table and rushes off to the counter to buy something, anything, with ice. Your freedom will be brief, so you take the opportunity to stand and stretch your legs, albeit bracing yourself on the table for support. Youâll do much better once Wonwoo stops treating you like youâre made of glass.Â
âRolex said theyâll get back to me later today to reschedule,â InĂšs says. âIâve found you both a hotel thirty minutes away from the airport. Will that do? Would you like one room or two?â
You briefly wonder if youâre still out of it. âWhat?â you ask, sliding into a chair and pushing the wheelchair away from your table with your foot. âTwo, InĂšs. Two rooms, please.âÂ
âTwo rooms, got it,â she says, and you can hear the clacking of keys under her long nails. âAre you okay? You soundââ
âIâm fineââ you say, sharply cutting her off. âYouâll send me the details?â
âYouâll have the email in a few minutes,â she says. And then she apologises for the travel delay as if it were her fault, and clicks off. True to her word, the email confirmation comes through by the time Wonwoo is back with several bottles of water in a bag and a huge to-go cup filled with ice in his hand.Â
âWhereâs your wheelchair?â
âWonwoo, seriously, Iâm fine now. Letâs leave it for someone who really needs it, yeah?Â
Wonwoo appraises you quietly. You sigh, stand (carefully) and pluck an ice cube from the top of the cup, hold it against your chest and let it melt over your skin. âCome on, letâs find a taxi.â
Even still, Wonwoo wonât let you take the luggage trolley from the staff. He takes it, balances the bag of water bottles precariously on top, pointedly ignoring your rolled eyes and âfor Godâs sake, I can carry ONE bag!â and heads in the direction of the taxi rank, back outside in the heat. You act like you donât care for the way heâs looking out for you, but heâs making it so difficult.
The torture of still, hot air is thankfully brief, but the next agony is the crawling traffic. A thirty minute drive stretches into forty, then fifty, then an hour. Wonwoo keeps his eyes fixed on the window, but his knee bounces, a quiet tell. You scroll your phone, feigning disinterest, though your pulse ratchets every time his thigh shifts closer to yours on the cramped backseat.
The hotel is pristine. Floors so perfect you could do your make-up in the reflection, and you make a mental note to buy InĂšs the prettiest flowers for booking you into luxury after the morning youâve had. Check-in takes forever and all you can think about is the shower youâre going to have as soon as youâre in the room. The receptionist smiles brightly as you give her both your names, says of course without qualm when you ask for an afternoon check out, and she hands over your keysâ 207 and 208. Of course. Whatever. Doesnât mean you have to see each other again tonight. You send off some of your clothes to be laundered, Wonwoo too, and make your way to the elevator.
âAre you feeling better?â Wonwoo asks once inside, as he presses the button for your floor.
âYes, thanks,â you say. Embarrassing the way he took care of you. Not that youâre not grateful, but that he had to at all. âIâll be right as rain as soon as Iâm clean.âÂ
Upstairs, you swipe into your room, drop your bag by the door, and cross to the curtains to find the balcony. Wide, white stone, overlooking the pool below, and ocean a little behind the line of trees. And when you slide open the glass doors to catch your breath, you see him. Standing exactly where the gap should be. For a moment, he doesnât notice you. His hair is damp at the nape, clinging to his neck. The line of his back is taut, his t-shirt wrinkled from hours in the heat. Then he glances sideways. Catches you there, frozen, one hand still on the doorframe.
You turn, an inconceivable thought taking over, and make your way over to the bathroom, yank the door open and gasp when you see Wonwoo in a mirror image of you, having had exactly the same notion. He meets your eyes across the room, a crooked, incredulous smile spreading on his beautiful face, and says âDo you want to shower first or should I?â
A laugh falls out of you before you can stop it. Fuck InĂšsâ flowers because at this point she has to be pranking you. Her and Bridget and the universe have joined forces to shove you and Wonwoo together at every opportunity. Wonwooâs laughing in disbelief too, and he looks so lovely and light like that, you can hardly breathe.
The shower is heavenâ steam curling under the soft lights, high-pressured water washing away the stickiness of the day. You take your time, working the soaped cloth into your skin, towel off, massage your skin lotion until the scent of jasmine sits heavy in the air and your skin feels softer than ever. You wipe away the condensation in the mirror, do your skincare in the mirror, tug on last night's pyjamas, and knock on Wonwooâs door to let him know the bathroom is all his, before crawling beneath the covers of what feels like the comfiest bed youâve ever laid on. Sleep takes you quickly.
When you wake, the light is fading, the sky outside a soft pink. Your phone buzzes twice on the nightstand:
Wonwoo [19:14] Are you feeling better?
Wonwoo [19:14] Should we get dinner? You didnât eat all day
You stare at the message, thumb hovering over the keyboard, and then you lock the screen. You roll over, bury your face in the cool side of the pillow, and will yourself not to think about him laying on the other side of this wall, waiting for your answer. You push away the thought, grab your book instead just to find something to lose yourself in.
Another buzz from your phone comes a little later, and for a fleeting moment you hope heâs trying to persuade you, but itâs just Bridget, with a link to an Instagram post. You bolt upright in bed so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash.Â
[DEUXMOI EXCLUSIVE] JEON WONWOOâS NEW BEAU? A FORBIDDEN WORKPLACE ROMANCE, STEAMY MOMENTS, AND A CONFUSING TIMELINEÂ
Itâs a fan-submitted postâ four images on a carousel. The first being a shot of the two of you outside the restaurant, heâs standing close, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. Easily explained, you think, no matter what your pounding heart says.
The second is less so: you and Wonwoo in the pool last week, bodies suspiciously close, both of you staring intensely at one another. Itâs grainy, poorly lit, but itâs obviously you.Â
Next: paparazzi shots from Saturday, his hands on your arms as he stopped you from walking. You remember the taut conversation, but in this snapshot it looks like heâs looking directly at your cleavage.Â
And last: a black and white still from the CCTV camera in the hotel elevatorâ your hands clasping the bare skin of his waist, his cradling your face, and worse still, the unmistakable look of desire in your eyes.
Formula One star Jeon Wonwoo spotted getting cozy with Ferrariâs Head of Communicationsâ timeline of their new relationship? Read more on the Deuxmoi website⊠link in bio.Â
Your blood goes ice cold. Before you can stop to think, youâre out of bed, book falling loudly to the floor, phone in hand, padding across the carpet and into the shared bathroom. A few quick strides and youâre hammering on his door. He answers quickly, barefoot, shirtless (of course. Any other time youâd roll your eyes but this time you shoulder past him into the room), hair still damp from the shower, grey sweats low on his hips. His eyes widen when he sees the wild look on your face.
You shove your phone at him. âLook at this.â
He takes it, flicks back and forth through the photos, jaw tightening. Then he looks back at you, expression unreadable. âItâs nothing, isnât it? Youâve dealt with worse.â
âNothing? Iâm not the celebrity here, scandal doesnât usually involve me.â Your voice spikes, and you sink down to sit on the edge of his bed, holding your head in your hands. âWonwoo, this is Deuxmoi. Deuxmoi! They think weâre in a relationship. Thatâs crazy.â
Thereâs a flash of something like hurt on his face, but itâs gone before you can register it. He exhales, long and steady, and tosses your phone back. âLook, weâll handle it, okay? Weâll handle it however you want.â
You blink. âWhat does that even mean?â
âExactly what it sounds like.â He leans against the doorframe, arms crossed now, calm in the face of your panic. âIf you want me to deny it, I will. If you want me to say nothing, Iâll keep quiet. If you want me toââ He stops, runs his tongue over his bottom lip, thinking better of the words he was about to say. âWhatever you want.â
You groan frustrated, falling back on the bed, throwing your arms over your face. Your stomach rumbles, and Wonwoo sighs, grabs a t-shirt from the back of the chair and shrugs it on, before coming to sit next to you on the edge of the bed. Quietly, you say, âI guess dinnerâs off the table now.â
âFunny,â he scoffs. âI figured you werenât interested when you left me on read.â
âThatâs not funny at all.â You swallow hard, trying to mask the crack in your voice.Â
âNotice how Iâm not laughing?â
He isnât. And somehow, thatâs worse. Thereâs a brief silence, punctuated only by the sound of another embarrassing rumble of your stomach. âWe could order room service?â you offer, voice coming out more pathetic than youâd like. Wonwoo huffs a small, rueful laugh and stretches across the bed for the phone on the nightstand.Â
Youâre on the balcony when the food comes, two bowls of risotto, a coconut panna cotta for you, a strawberry mousse for him, and a bottle of champagne you didnât order. Someone probably recognised Wonwooâs name. The server barely has time to roll in the cart before you hear Wonwoo ushering him out again, large tip pressed into his palm.Â
He brings the cart out to you on the balcony, the humid night air soft against your skin, the pool below lit turquoise, the sound of birds settling in for the night in the trees. Wonwoo settles into the chair next to you at the little white table.
For a while, itâs quiet, only punctuated by the pop of the champagne cork and the scrape of cutlery. Your stomach eases with the first real meal of the day, and youâre glad for the dim lightâ grateful he doesnât seem to notice how often your eyes flick up to him, to the slope of his throat, the perfect shape of his mouth, the way his hair falls into his eyes when he bends over his plate.
Your phone buzzes just before you start your dessert, and Wonwoo fills your empty glass while you check it. Itâs Jeonghan, nothing but the same link Bridget sent and a series of question marks. You sigh, and lock your phone again, pulling your plate toward you.Â
âItâs not just me you ignore then?â Wonwoo asks, tone deceptively mild, toying with his half-eaten dessert. Thatâs rich of him to ask, given your history.Â
âExcuse me?â
He rolls his head to the side with a hesitant sigh, an endearing pink blooming on his skin. âI keep wanting to talk to you,â he says. âBut I canât figure out if youâd rather I leave you alone.â
Your heartbeat suddenly feels so loud in your ears, but you keep your face composed. Itâs hard to know, lately. If you fed into this, you can guess where itâll lead, but your reputation at work is more important than whatever this might be. âI donât know, Wonwoo,â you say quietly, honestly. âYou confuse me.â
He glances up, eyes wide and a little surprised. âIâm the one whoâs confused.âÂ
âI think about you all the time,â you admit, voice barely above a whisper, before you let yourself consider the consequences, and those few little words silence you both. You set down your spoon and fiddle restlessly with the napkin on the table, but Wonwooâs reaching over to still your hand with his.Â
Your breath stutters. âYour hands are cold,â you say.Â
Time moves like honey, and the air between you hums with electricity. You can feel his eyes on you but you canât look because if you doâ instead you push your plate aside and stand, moving over to lean on the balcony wall, taking in slow, steadying breaths in a desperate bid for the night air to cool you, palms flat against the stone.
Wonwoo joins you after a beat. Stands close behind and cages you against the wall with his arms. Rests his hands on top of yours and you let him twine your fingers together. Your eyes flutter shut as he leans closer, bodies mere millimetres apart, ghosts his lips across the shell of your ear. âTell me to stop,â he murmurs.
You donât. You canât. âThis is stupid,â you mutter, as his breath warms your neck, tip of his nose feather light over your skin. Desire licks up your spine. âWeâre being stupid.â
The problem with kissing is that itâs your downfall. Just one and everything comes tumbling down, so when he says âyeah, I knowâ voice low and ragged as he breathes the word into your skin, and presses a soft, lingering kiss onto your shoulder, you know youâre fucked. What Wonwoo does with his lips should be none of your concern.
âThis has to stay here, okay?â you whisper. âJust tonight. Just once.â
âUh huh,â he says, lying through his teeth. Wonwoo has a taste of the feeling now and canât give you up. He already knows heâs going to want this again and again, but heâll agree to anything you say right now. You could ask him to capture the moonlight and heâd find a way to bottle it.Â
Wonwoo had wanted to start careful. Knows you frighten easily and he doesnât want to cut this night short on account of his haste to touch you, but God, he can feel the desperation on you because it matches his. Your tiny exhale when he drags his lips over your neck tells him itâs okay to keep going, and he leaves another gentle kiss there, almost verging on tender. You angle your head toward him, cheek against his temple and he slides a hand up your arm, warming the skin. Your now free hand reaches back to twist into his t-shirt and drag him flush against your body.Â
Your ass against his crotch leaves nothing for your imagination, and your soft pleased noise pleased only has him reaching down your body, slipping his hand under your pyjama top and splaying it wide over your stomach, rubs a calloused thumb over the expanse of soft, pretty skin. Catches the hitch of your breath as you cant your hips against his hard cock and presses his whimper into the crook of your neck. âKiss me,â you whisper. He looks up at you, twisted at the waist to watch him, lips full and slightly parted, heavy lidded eyes clouded with hunger. âBefore we change our minds.â
He huffs a bitter laugh. Not likely for him, he thinks about saying, but youâre reaching up to catch his chin in curled fingers, tug him up just to let him chase your lips. Fuck. The tentative caution unravels into something hungry, desperate. His hand comes to your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek as he draws you closer. When you finally kiss him deep and open, tongue sliding across his own something dirty, heâs too desperate and too obvious but he canât find it in him to care. You whine into his mouth when he nips at your bottom lip, and he wonders if youâll make the same noises when you come.Â
The strap of your pyjama top slips from your shoulder, and he uses the opportunity. Slips his hand from yours and peels your top down on one side over your breast, breaks the kiss just to watch your nipple pebble in the cooling night air. âYouâre so pretty,â he coos, cupping the swell of your tit, leaning back down to lave another wet kiss on your shoulder. His other hand ventures lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your pink pyjama shorts, dips low enough just to tease at your folds. âThought about taking this off you last night,â he admits. âWhy didnât you come?â
âWanted to,â you whisper, angling your hips forward, chasing more of his touch. âSâbad idea.âÂ
He laughs against your skin, low and derisive. âGod, youâre so fucking annoying.â
You hum, wiggle torturously against his aching cock. âArenât you one to tââ youâre cut off by your own choked exhale when he slides a long finger over your clit.
âOh?â he whispers coyly against your neck. âAre you sensitive?â
âShut up,â you manage, but youâre tipping your head back against his shoulder and your pretty eyelashes fan over the apples of your cheeks as you lose yourself in the feeling of him circling your sensitive bud, gasp as he gathers wetness from your entrance and smoothes it back over your clit. He presses his lips, soft, against your temple. âFuck.â
God, he wants to hear you say that while deep inside your cunt. His pets grow frenzied, slipping his finger over in tight circles drawing pretty little noises from your perfect lips, and he loves the way you claw at his arm when he dips two fingers shallow inside, out, then deep. His vision goes clouded when you get so wet it coats his knuckles, likes the way you admonish him when he draws his fingers out of your pussy to bring them to your mouth. Feels like heâs losing his mind when he watches you open up for him, slide your wet, pink tongue over his fingers and moan at the taste of yourself on his skin. Finds it so obscenely hot that he buries his head in the crook of his neck just to hide his face, sucks a purple bruise over your pulse point before you drag your fingers from his mouth and twist to face him. Below, the quiet is punctuated with someoneâs laugh in the pool, the sound faint and distant. His hands fall to your waist, your palms flat against his chest, and though he can see youâre about to speak he cuts you offâ leans in to capture your lips with his, slides his tongue over yours, wet and heated, until youâre breaking off with a gasp.Â
âWaitââ you say, but heâs chasing your lips. âWonwoo, stop.â He swallows uneasily as you slip out of his grip, chest heaving, and heâs taken aback for a second until youâre tugging at the crook of his arm. âCanât get caught with your dick in my mouth out here.â
âOh.â He blinks stupidly, and you laugh at him, sending sparks through his veins.Â
âCâmon,â you say, pulling him by the wrist into your room. Once inside you donât look back at him as you ask, âClose the curtains?âÂ
While he draws the curtains, you rush over to your suitcase, dig through it as he takes his place on your bed, leaning back against the headboard, and tries to decide what he should do with his clothes (he leaves them on) until you come up triumphant with a little box of condoms.Â
âMight keep this assistant after all,â you murmur, more to yourself than to him.
âSorry?âÂ
âNothing,â you say, glancing up at him. âWhy are you still dressed?â
âI thought you could help me,â he tries in some stupid attempt to sound sexy. You laugh again, that lovely sound. You donât laugh around him enough, he thinks, and heâs swallowing his embarrassment down because youâre gonna fuck him anyway. You climb into his lap, smooth bare legs straddled over his hips, damp crotch of your shorts against the thick bulge in his sweats, giving an experimental grind that draws small gasps from both of you.Â
And then youâre tugging at the hem of his t-shirt, saying âOff.â He helps you drag it over his head, plucks off his glasses and casts them to the side, uncaring that they clatter to the floor. You leave a trail of soft kisses over his jaw and down his neck, a tentative suck over his collarbone leaving a barely there bruise, and harsher over his chest. You scratch lightly over the tattoo on his ribs and he shudders. âI think I hate this,â you say into his skin.Â
He nods, dumbstruck. Yeah. Yeah, heâs been hating it for a while too. âGetting rid of it,â he pants.
âOh?âÂ
âYeah,â he says. âFirst laser appointment is next week.â
âAh,â you murmur, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. âI hope it doesnât hurt too bad.â He loves the way you look at him, eyes big and earnest, and (dare he say?) pleased to hear itâll soon be gone.Â
You kneel above him to give him enough room to shed his sweats and boxers at the same timeâ thick, hard cock bobs against the hard line of his stomach. Feels a little fucked up when you settle on his thighs, hand sliding down his body, electric over his skin, fingers curling around his cock and he watches, enraptured, as you gather spit on your tongue and lean over to let it pool onto the head of his cock. He sucks in a ragged breath, hands flying to your hips when you work it over him, twisting tight over the head. Humiliating, the way he fucks up into your circled fingers. Humbling, when he surges forward to kiss you desperate just for you to dodge him, sweet, evil smile playing on your lips. Ever since heâs known you heâs always felt a step behind, and this is no different.Â
You move down down down, and meet your glassy eyes with his as you lick a thick, wet stripe up his length. Shudders as you take him in the slick heat of your pretty mouth, cheeks hollowed out, pulling back just to lave your tongue over the head and lap away the precum beading there. Heâs always loved the way your mouth moves, when you speak languages he doesnât understand, when youâre subconsciously worrying your bottom lip as you pour over your book, the occasional times you wear that deep red lipstick (he wants to ruin it), and especially nowâ lips pink and kiss swollen and wet with spit and his pre-cum, with his cock slipping between your lips.Â
Heâs giving himself away, the way he groans, but itâs only got you more eager, and youâre humming self-satisfied around his cock. Nearly loses his mind as he catches your hand slipping between your legs, pushing your shorts to the side to play with your clit, view hidden from him under the bunched cotton. Infuriation flares inside his chest. Wants to see. Needs that pleasure for himself, really, because he canât have you taking control of this too. He reaches over, hand slipping flat past the waistband of those shorts and onto the flesh of the ass heâs been desperate to touch, and he echoes your order from earlier. âOff. Wanna see you.â
Youâre still stubborn. Watch him with half-lidded, fucked out eyes as you sink your mouth further over him, feels you sigh out through your nose as you push past your gag reflex and he groans so pornographic. You hold there for a moment, eyes flutter closed, and Wonwooâs brow pinches in pleasure, feels the tightness all over his skin. âOff,â he insists, pulling you off him with a dirty pop. âDonât wanna cum yet.âÂ
He almost gives in when you pout, look up at him with those big beautiful eyes just to make him weak. âI wanted you to cum,â you complain, but heâs ignoring you, rolling you off him to the side and dragging your shorts down your legs just to slot between them.Â
Nudges your thighs apart with his knees and he groans again at the sight of your wetness making your flesh shine. âYouâre beautiful,â he murmurs into your skin. âAlways thought that.â Mouths rough at your thigh, swipes your wetness away with his tongue and revels in the way your breath hitches when he rolls the pad of his thumb over your clit. âFuck,â he coos, between gentle nips at your skin, using his other hand to slide up your body and push up your top over your breasts, and you tug it off over your head. Feels a little breathless seeing his ring sit gleaming at your throat, while youâre exposed beneath him. In nothing but your jewellery and his. Dips his head and drags his tongue over your core, and watches your hands find purchase in the stark white sheets. Wants them in his hair, in his mouth, back around his cock while he drowns himself in the taste of you and your sweet little sounds. âYou taste so good, baby.âÂ
Your brow furrows. âDonât call me that,â you complain, but youâre reaching over to touch his face so gently. âMânot yours to call baby.âÂ
He holds in his frustration, buries it deep in his bones, channels the feeling into a harsh suck over your clit and takes pleasure in your resulting needy whine. Not yet is what heâd say if he were braver. Soon is what heâd say if he were a few drinks deep. Be my baby is what heâd say if he were sure. Instead he settles on pressing your whispered name into your skin as he slips his fingers into your tight, blinding heat and rolls his tongue over your clit. Reclaims his confidence in the pretty noises he draws from your lips. If youâre not gonna be his then heâll settle for occupying your thoughts for as long as he can.Â
Wonwoo laps at the juncture of his fingers in your cunt, peppers feather light kisses over your clit, teases his tongue in tiny, slow, circles until your fingers find purchase in his hair and he moans loud as you drag his face harder against your body, grinding his nose over your clit, your patience with him wearing thin yet again. Makes him feralâ fucks eager fingers into you, makes a little o with his mouth and hums over your clit, sucks gently, drawing desperate, panted breaths from your lungs. Knows how he must look to you, watching him with lust clouded eyes over the expanse of your body, lets his eyes close as he loses himself in the taste of you. He moans with you as he crooks his fingers at that perfect spot to make your legs shake, and fucks his aching cock against the mattress when his mind fogs over as you soak his chin. With a choked sob your orgasm hits you hard. Your hands twist in his hair and he groans, self-satisfied, at the sharp pain. He keeps fucking his fingers into you, working you through it, keeps licking at your clit until you shove him off with a broken cry.Â
He sits back on his calves, running soothing hands over your thighs while you come down from your high, wants to kiss you through it so badly but youâre already turning onto your side, fumbling clumsily for the condom box and tossing it toward him. Wonwoo makes quick work of it while you turn onto your front, rest your forehead on your crossed armsâ he finds one his size and rolls it on, and you raise your ass into the air, giving him a mind-numbing view of your pulsing, sopping core. Feels as though heâs had the air knocked out of him. âPlease, Wonwoo,â you beg, head falling to the side so you can watch him line himself up against your core. âGive it to me.â
Wonwoo knows this is the most perfect moment. Tries to feel wholly present as he sinks his length deep into your tight, hot cunt, and knows that this night will come back to haunt him if it only happens once. If he can only piece together the memory of your touch, and not live it over and over again, itâll be his undoing. Pushes your body down with his hands on your hips, flush against the mattress and you tilt up your hips, and he lays over you, both moaning loud and unabashed in tandem, feeling that delicious pressure take over. âFeels good, Wonwoo,â you murmur. You sound drunk on it. On him. Shit.
âMânot gonna last,â Wonwoo says, the heat of equal measures embarrassment and desire on his face.
âSâokay,â you say gently. âJust wanna feel you.â
Wonwoo trails his lips over your shoulder as he fucks into you slow and hard and desperate, breathes fractured moans into the shell of your ear and the wetness seeping out of your soaked cunt coats the back of your thighs and the front of his, makes obscene noises that only drives him to fuck you harder. Pushes the air out of your lungs until youâre gasping, anguished, and heâs kissing over your neck, your jaw, your cheeks, the corner of your mouth and youâre twisted at what must be a torturous angle just to kiss him lazy and messy but itâs perfect. Youâre perfect.Â
Youâre sliding out a hand from beneath your head, grasping at his hip as he fucks into you, nails digging crescent moons into his skin. Wonwoo covers it with his own, twines your fingers together and pants your name into your cheek. Nearly whites out as your cunt clenches exquisitely around him and youâre crying out again, sharp and punctured. Chases his own end as you babble, catches his name on your lips and comes hard, rolling his hips deep deep deep and empties into the condom.Â
Already knows he canât let this be the end as he sags his sweat slick body against yours. Canât carry on working alongside you, without burying his cock to the hilt in your body when youâre alone. Canât sit next to you on yet another long haul flight without taking your hand in his. He already canât win a race without searching for your face in the sea of people crowding him. How could he do it now, knowing this was how good you were together?
âWonwoo,â you say, once your voice comes back to you. âYouâre heavy.â
He nods, sated, against your back, pulls his cock from your body and the emptiness makes the ache evident. Rolls off you to the side, and already you miss the weight of him, but he keeps his palm flat over the curve of your ass, fingers digging into the flesh. You keep your head turned the other way. Know if you look at him like this itâll make you delirious, so you wonât. Heâs trailing his fingers along your spine, leaving gentle kisses across the bruising sucks heâd already bloomed on your skin.
âBe right back,â you say, shifting away from his touch.Â
âAre you okay?â he asks gently, concern obvious in his tone.Â
âYeah,â you murmur. âJust wanna clean off.â
You slip away barefoot to the bathroom, where you collect yourself against the door for a moment, before moving to the skin to splash water on your face to cool the burn. God. God.Â
The mirror is still fogged from his shower earlier, the faint trace of his soap clinging to the steam-slick tiles. You brace your hands on the edge of the sink, head hanging. Your body is buzzingâ every nerve still alight, every inch of you aching in the most devastating way.
It was supposed to be once. A release of pent up energy, an inevitability youâd both been circling. So good that even now, your thighs tremble and your skin prickles at the memory of his mouth on your throat, the way your name burned on his lips while he was buried inside you.
You splash more cold water over your face, over your chest, try to scrub away the heat. You canât walk into the paddock with this in your head. You canât look at him across a conference table and pretend you donât know how he sounds when he loses control, how his hands mould perfectly desperate around your hips, or how he looks so fucked out when heâs got you close to the edge.
âFuck,â you whisper to yourself, pressing the towel hard against your face. What were you thinking?
The trouble is youâre not thinking at all. You havenât been. For weeks, youâve been trying to push the feeling away, trying not to want, and now youâve gone and done the worst possible thing by giving in to him.
Thereâs a soft knock at the door. âYou okay?â Wonwooâs voice, low and quiet, like he knows youâre freaking out. Like he feels it too.
Your heart lurches, traitorous. You grip the counter tighter, force your voice steady. âIâm fine.â
âCan I come inside?â he asks, and youâre taken aback that you want to let him in. Your imagination racesâ flashes of him fucking you in the fogged up mirror, washing away your sins in the shower, sharing the stream and more of those torturously languid kisses. You canât. Once was a bad idea to begin with, it has to end here.Â
âNo. Iâll be out in a minute,â you say, trying to keep your voice level. âWaitâ can you bring my pyjamas please?â
âSure,â he says, and you can hear his retreating footsteps.Â
You busy yourself with soaking a washcloth in warm water, slipping it between your legs and rinsing away the evidence of your need for him. Thereâs another knock at the door, and Wonwoo says through it, âYour shorts are kind ofâ theyâreââ he falters, but you get it. âI got you this instead.â And heâs opening the door just a crack to slot his arm throughâ the t-shirt he was wearing, a pair of his shorts, and a pair of white cotton briefs from your suitcase.Â
You pad over to take them from him. âWhat about you?â
âI donât wear anything to sleep anyway.â
You close your eyes, inhale a steadying slow breath, because tomorrow youâll have to go back to normal, somehow pretending this never happened. How, you donât know. And then heâs pulling the door closed again with a soft click, so you shrug on his clothes, appraise yourself in the mirror. Everything in it is his.
You slip back into the bedroom, his shirt brushing mid-thigh, the cotton carrying the faint warmth of his skin. Wonwooâs pulled on his sweats again, sitting at the edge of the bed with his elbows propped on his knees, head bowed in his hands. When he glances up at you, his expression is unreadable.
âThanks,â you murmur, sliding beneath the covers on your side, pulling the duvet over your lap. The sheets are warm from his body. Yours too.Â
âNo problem,â he says. Gets to his feet, slow and deliberate.
For a beat you stare, heart caught in your throat. The sight of him standing thereâ broad shoulders, hair mussed from your touch, the waistband of his sweats hanging low on his hipsâ sends your stomach tumbling. Panic prickles under your skin.Â
âOh. Youâreâ heading back to your room?âÂ
He looks at you with something akin to dull surprise. Blinks it away in a moment. âI suppose so,â he says, voice clipped. And then heâs making his way into the shared bathroom, door pulled sharply closed behind him, and you hear the running water of the tap, and after a minute, the soft click of the door on the other side.Â
You sink down into the sheets, stare at the ceiling, wringing your hands under the covers. Regret floods hot and fast, tangling with frustration. Why didnât you just tell him to stay? Why didnât you admit that you wanted the heat of his chest pressed to your back again, with his fingers tracing lazy circles into your skin until you fell asleep?
Instead, you lie awake, replaying every second in torturous detail. The taste of him, the sounds he made, the way heâd looked at you like he couldnât believe you were real. And nowâ the silence is too loud.
On the other side of the wall, Wonwoo lies flat on his back, one arm slung over his eyes. He can still smell you on him, can still hear the soft gasp you made when he pushed into you, can still feel the trembling in your thighs when you broke apart under him. You didnât want him to stay. He pushed too far, too soon, and now heâs ruined the fragile thing between you.
Neither of you sleep. You, chest tight with words you canât bring yourself to say. Him, staring at the ceiling in the dark, mind spinning with the same question on loop: how the fuck can we go back to normal?
The vibration of your phone drags you out of a shallow, fractured sleep. Itâs still dark, just a smear of light starting to edge over the horizon. You fumble for it on the nightstand, eyes squinting against the too-bright glow at the notifications on your screen.
Edoardo [05:32] Are you already handling this or do I need to be concerned?
Your chest tightens, heat prickling at the back of your neck. Before you can fully process it, another buzzâ
Bridget [05:34] Howâre you doing darling?
And as if the universe has decided that sleeping in is not in the cards todayâ an email notification from InĂšs pings through.
Rolex has offered to reschedule for Thursday, 11:00. Your flight should get in at 06:35, but let me know if youâd like to push for later.Â
PS - you should know everyone in the office is talking about you and Wonwoo.Â
You toss the phone to the side and drag both hands over your face. Sunrise isnât even here yet and already youâre cornered on all sides.
Room service answers on the first ring, your voice hoarse when you order a pot of tea and nothing else. You set your laptop under your arm and slip outside barefoot. The balcony stones are cool, damp with morning air. You fold yourself into the corner chair, prop your feet on the wall, and watch the sky soften from violet to peach while birds chatter in the trees below.
For a few blessed minutes, itâs just you, the smell of Wonwooâs soap still clinging faintly to your skin, the promise of hot tea on its way. You tell yourself youâll figure it out. That youâve handled worse fires than this.
The door beside you slides open, and Wonwoo steps out, hair a mess, glasses lopsided on his nose, eyes shadowed from the same restless night, he scrunches his eyes together in the dim morning light and heâs so sweet that youâre hit with a pang of longing. He leans one hand against the balcony rail, phone in the other. His voice is flat when he says, âMingyu woke me up. Said my face is everywhere.â
You worry your bottom lip with your teeth, glance back at your screen. âEdoardoâs already on me too.â
He hums, too tired to talk it out, sinks down into the chair beside you. For a moment you both just sit there, brittle in the hush of this early hour. You steal a sideways glance at Wonwoo, whoâs looking out over the water. The way he shines in the morning is something worthy of poetry.
âLast night was a mistake,â you say finally, staring at the way the rising sun casts amber light over the ocean.Â
He doesnât argue. Doesnât agree either. Just exhales and rubs a hand over his neck. âBut you donât regret it?â
Your head snaps toward him, heart stumbling. His gaze is steady, unreadable, but thereâs something raw there, a glimmer that leaves your throat dry.
âI regret how complicated it is,â you murmur.
That earns the faintest twist of his mouth, not quite a smile. âI can live with complicated.â
The words hit you like a strike to the sternum. Live with complicated. You tell yourself not to read into it, not to let your brain chase down every possible meaning hiding under his quiet delivery, but your pulse betrays you. A part of you wants to laugh, because complicated is such an absurd understatement for the mess youâve just made together. Another part achesâ sharp and insistentâ because if he can live with it, maybe you could too. Maybe it isnât just the gravity of last night thatâs keeping you tethered here beside him. The silence stretches again. The sky blushes gold, the air turns warmer, and for the first time since yesterday you donât feel like youâre on the verge of breaking, every which way.
Room service arrives, a quiet knock at your door. You regret not having ordered enough for two but after your first few warming sips, you offer him some from your mug, and he takes it gratefully, fingers brushing yours over the handle.Â
âRolex meetingâs not for two days,â you say. âBut weâll have to call into the office today once we figure out how weâre going to play it.â
âAre you going to tell them?â he asks.
âThat we had sex?â you laugh bitterly around a yawn. âGod no.â He nods sagely, takes a long gulp of tea and it makes you wonder if heâs just doing it to hide his face. âThe worst one is from the CCTV in the elevator. Anything else can be easily explained as friendship.â You sigh heavy.Â
âWe could tell them I liked you,â he offers, still staring into the mug. âAnd that you rejected me. Ask them to release the rest of the footage.â
Your breath hitches. Liked. Again. âI suppose,â you agree, voice flat.
âItâs close enough to the truth,â he says, and you suddenly canât speak. What was last night if the like is past tense? And itâs almost like he can sense it, the way your pulse spikes and the tension knotting your spine, because he tacks on, âThey donât need to know I still do. Like youâ I mean.â
âOh.â
The word feels too small and stupid in the quiet between you. You want to reach for something clever, something equal, but your mind is a blank page except for the echo of I still do.
It loops over and over, burrowing under your ribs, muddling every careful line youâve drawn between want and work, need and denial. Last night was supposed to be once. A mistake you could compartmentalise, shove into the dark corner of your brain labelled things we donât think about at the office. But nowâ now heâs cracked the door wider, and you donât know how to walk through it without leaving behind what youâve built.
Your chest feels hot, your throat tight. You take the mug back from him just so you have something to hold, fingers wrapping hard around the ceramic, grounding yourself in the warmth. He doesnât press, doesnât even look at you, and somehow that only makes the confession feel heavier.
You tilt your face toward the sunrise, blinking hard against the tears pricking at the corners of your tired eyes, and tell yourself the heaviness in your body is just lack of sleep.
Your laptop pings with another emailâ but you can barely read the subject line from Gabriella before Wonwoo is pushing your laptop closed. âHey!â you admonish. âThat could be important, I need toââ
âSleep,â he interrupts. His tone is soft, persuasive. âCome on. They can handle things without us for a little longer.â
You open your mouth to argue, but your body betrays you with a yawn, aching bone-deep from exhaustion. He sets the mug down on the table before extending his hand to you, and you stare at it for a long moment before giving in without a fight, slipping your fingers into his. Wonwoo guides you gently through his door. His bed is unmade, sheets tangled from his apparent restless night. You crawl in beside him, he sets his glasses on the nightstands and draws the covers over both of you, and the room feels impossibly still. He doesnât push, doesnât crowdâ just settles close enough that your shoulders touch, hands still clasped beneath the sheets.Â
âJust a few hours,â he murmurs, already sinking into sleep, thumb stroking absentmindedly over yours.Â
âJust a few,â you whisper back, though you know the world outside will come crashing in soon enough.
For now, the sunrise paints the ceiling in soft gold, a warm breeze filters in through the open door, and you turn onto your side, tuck your body against the quiet warmth of him.Â
Itâs the startling vibration that drags you out of the depths of sleep, a muffled buzz rattling atop the nightstand. You blink against the pull of your eyelids, heavy with exhaustion, and it takes you a moment to even register that the sound is your phone.
You shift to reach for itâ only to still when you realise Wonwooâs arm is heavy across your waist. His chest flush against your back, his breath measured and warm at the curve of your neck. And lowerâ heâs hard, thick against your thigh through the thin barrier of fabric.
The call clicks off. Blessed silence. But before you can let relief settle, the phone starts buzzing again, shrill in the quiet of the room. You should get it. You need to get it. Instead, you stay perfectly still, heart pounding, because the pressure of him against you is enough to short-circuit every thought in your head.
Wonwoo stirs, makes a low noise in his throat that sounds too close to a groan, the noise absentminded and unintentionalâ but it sparks fire anyway. His nose brushes the back of your shoulder, lips grazing skin in a touch so deliberate it sends a lick of need up your spine. The phone is still buzzing but by the time you rouse from the bed, with Wonwoo grumbling behind you, it rings off again. You look over your shoulder and Wonwoo has rolled onto his back, hair mussed, eyes hazy with sleep but dark with something heavier.Â
Your phone rings again, but you donât care now, because your hand finds the line of his jaw, the other sliding over the nape of his neck, and youâre pulling him up to you. His mouth crushes into yours, clumsy with sleep and hunger for touch, and you hum into his mouth, fingers twisting into his hair. The sound he makes when you part your lips for him is wrecked, needy, and it only unravels you more.
He guides your leg over his lap, holds your hips down, keeps you grinding against him, until you slide a hand between your bodies and bunch the waistband of his sweats down just enough to free his cock. He whines, delicious, as you circle your fingers around him and drag. Every careful argument youâve rehearsed since last night burns away in the heat of his mouth, the drag of his body against yours. Your phone stops, mercifully, only for the silence to throb with urgency. Whoever it is will call again. You know it.Â
âListenââ you try, breaking off from his mouth with a sharp breath.
âIâm listening,â Wonwoo says, then scrapes his teeth along your jaw. One of his hands rags down your body, slipping under the hem of his t-shirt that you still wear, dancing his fingers over soft skin, finds your naked waist and grips it, slender fingers digging so desperate, and he trails further until heâs cupping your breast, running his thumb over the swell of flesh.
âYouâre obviously not,â you chide. You can feel him hard against your clothed cunt, and you press against him, giving an experimental grind. Fuck.Â
Wonwoo tsks. âYou havenât said anything yet.â Heâs kissing down your neck. âHow can you tell whether Iâm listening or not?âÂ
âYouâre distracted,â you say, and heâs pulling his t-shirt off your body, tosses it to the floor.
He huffs a laugh, rolls his hips to drag the thick, hard line of his cock against your cotton clad pussy, already dampening the material. âYouâre not exactly making it easy for me.âÂ
This conversation is a thin veneerâ for the desire you hold within you, for the convoluted mess of feelings youâre trying to keep bottled. What Wonwoo will do with his body will haunt you, as he already does in your dreams, but youâre letting it happen anyway, despite the words you said yesterday. You whine as he rolls his hips again, fucking his cock slow against your core, walls clenching around nothing.Â
âFuck,â he groans. âCan feel you getting wet.â
âYeah. Yeah,â you pant. Youâre moving over him now, sliding your needy clit over his length. The condoms are in your room, but breaking apart to fetch them would break the moment too. So you lean, brace your palms on his knees and let him tug your sodden underwear to the side. Moans come broken and in tandem as he dips two long fingers inside, crooks them and draws your wetness out. He smears it over your folds, over the juncture of your thighs, dips again to gather more as works it over his cock.Â
Wonwoo uses his thumb to press his length hard against your cunt and slides slow, and itâs so so much better without the barrier of your underwear. Can feel the heat of him better. You like the way he watches where your bodies meet, his hunger pure and open, and more still when his eyes meet yours and he searches your face for all your tells as he fucks his length against you, cockhead bumping over your clit. The crotch of your underwear slips back over you, over his cock against you and he moans again, desperate, as his pre-cum seeps through along with your juices, making the thin white cotton sopping wet, and almost sheer. Can see the slit of the head of his cock every time he slides up.Â
Itâs a crude display you fear youâll never recover from, but that doesnât still your hips. Doesnât stop your eyes from clouding over with hazy lust and insatiable need. Doesnât stop Wonwoo from littering praise with his lips pressed into your skinâ how hot you are, how heâs needed this, how you feel so fucking good, baby. Baby. Doesnât snap you from your reverie, this time, only makes you dizzy.Â
âOh God,â you babble, and heâs nodding along with you. He lifts your chin with his hand, tugs you toward him to kiss you deep, and he flops backwards onto the bed dragging you forward, his dirty groan sending shivers down your spine. âWanâ you inside. Now.âÂ
âYeah?â he pants, but youâre already slipping a hand behind, lining him up against your pulsing entrance and sinking onto him. His sounds spur you on, so good you want to sink your teeth into them. You ride him hard and cant your hips in a way that makes the Adamâs apple bob in his throat, makes him hold you down, grind the base of his cock against your clit to draw littered moans from your kiss-bitten lips. Heâs digging his fingers into your hips so hard youâll surely bruise, but this is how you want it. Frenzied and raw and so hard itâll leave you sore for days afterward.Â
Tears prick at your eyes when your hips falter out of their rhythm, but Wonwooâs taking over, fucking up into you from below. âFill me up so good,â you whine.Â
One of his hands moves, loops a circle around your wrist, and he drags it to his mouth. Presses a kiss to the pulse point there. âTell me what you feel.â
You sigh, the pleasure wracking through you still, makes it hard to understand what he wants.
You laugh, unsure. âIâ I feel like Iâm gonna come sooââ
âNo. Tell me you like me,â he whispers into your skin, so quiet you almost miss it over the obscene sound of the slide of his cock inside you. He slows your hips to a halt, cock buried to the hilt. Without the movement you can feel how the wetness has pooled on his skin. God. Fuck, the feeling of him so deep makes you squirm in his lap, but he holds you tight. âWanna hear you say it.âÂ
He must know, surely. How could he not, because you wouldnât have taken in your body if you didnât have some feeling for him. What difference does saying it aloud make? âI like you,â you confess, breathing hard, but the weight of it in your chest is already lightening.Â
âYeah?â You nod, and then heâs moving again hips slower this time, taking one hand and slipping it between your bodies, teasing with your clit. That, along with the look on his face, mouth parted and pretty, eyes dark with lust, has your end rocketing toward you.Â
You cock an eyebrow. âYouâre gonna make me say it and then not say it back?â
He smiles wide. âI like you tââ Heâs cut off by a moan, his eyes rolling back in his head. âShitâ fuck, baby. Just got so tight.âÂ
Heâs sitting up again, manoeuvring your legs so they cross at your ankles behind his back, and this new angle makes you cry out with pleasure. Youâre soaking into his lap, the wet slap of skin, the bite of your bunched underwear pushed thoughtlessly to the side, and the drag of his thick cock inside your tight, wet heat, has you so fucking close.Â
âAhâ so good,â you whine, a fractured, pathetic sound. âGonna come, Wonwoo, Iâm comingâ Godââ
âCum on my cock, yeah, fuckâ just like that,â he pleads. âYou feel so fucking good. Youâre so good.â His body moves charged under your touch as he works you through it, kisses your open mouth as you cry out, swallows your pretty sounds with his mouth as his own hips begin to stutter, muscles taut and corded and heâs panting âFuck. Fuckâ yeah, baby, me too,â into your skin. Comes so hard inside your body that it has you swearing you can see stars, hands carding through his hair, sweat beading on his forehead that you sweep away with your lips.
When he pulls his cock from your pussy, your underwear slotted back in place, his cum and yours seeps out of you, thick through the material, and Wonwoo groans at the filthy sight of it. Drags two fingers through, gathers a little and brings them to your mouth. You open without question, and your eyes flutter closed in bliss when he presses them into your wet, hot mouth, tongue curling around his fingertips, lapping away the taste of you both together.Â
He holds you in his lap like this, letting you come down slowly, hands sliding over the smooth skin of your back, and he trails his lips along your collarbone. You cradle his head in your arms, cheek resting heavy against his temple, fingers gently toying the hair at the nape of his neck. He loves the softness of it, hasnât been touched this delicately in years, and right now, if asked, heâd confess he wants to live like this, wrapped up in each other.
âCan I ask you something?â he whispers into your skin.
âMhm,â you murmur back, too fucked out to form words.
âDoes it need to stay here?âÂ
You sigh. âYou know it does. Weâre too messy. We can hardly get along most of the time.â
âThat was before,â he presses.
âMaybe,â you say, leaning back to look at him, hands smoothing over his shoulders. Youâve got that reluctant look on your face that pricks his nerves. âBut you donât know. We hardly know each other properly.âÂ
âSo let me know you properly.â He pouts, draws you back in to press a kiss to your cheek. âWhat should we do today? Should we go to the beach?â
You let out a sad little laugh. âIâve got work.âÂ
He sighs, frustrated. âYou never stop working. Take a day off.âÂ
You lean back away from him again, frowning, hands pressed flat over his shoulders. âDid you forget the two of us are caught in a dating scandal? Back to back with your sex tape this isnât an ideal time to take a day off.â
Wonwoo rolls his eyes before he can stop himself, and he feels you bristle under his touch. âWhat does it matter if itâs true? Weâre not doing anything wrong. Let them talk.â
You scoff. âItâs not true, though, is it? Weâre not dating. We just fucked.â
âTwice.â
âThatâs not thââ
âAnd I donât want it to stay here,â he cuts you off, hands falling to your hips in the hope he can anchor you here with him, voice growing more insistent. âJust say you want this as much as I do.â
Heâd hoped youâd give in, but youâre pushing off him and tucking your head down, avoiding his eyes. He goes for your hand but you move out of reach, and grab his t-shirt to pull it over your head and hide his marks left on your skin.Â
And as you both go quiet, and your sated bodies sag against each other, you think this is it. Itâs a bitter twist to break him free from the haze that took over. Youâre insistent youâve let this thing between you run its course, and now it has to stay here, in this room. But at least heâll always know how he could undo you, and you in turn him, the mess he made of your body is proof of it.
And then youâre picking up your phone, frown tightening and your breath quickens. The glow of the screen washes your face ashen. You exhale hard, thumb skimming over the notifications, expression clouding.
Wonwoo hates it instantly. Hates how quickly your focus shifts away from him. He moves closer, mattress dipping under the weight, wrapping his arms back around your waist, nose brushing the divot in your neck. âIgnore it.â
âI canât.â Thereâs reluctance in your voice that he holds onto.Â
âTell them youâre sick.â His voice dips, coaxing. Heâs pulling you back down against him. âWhat do we even have to do today? Nothing. Letâs walk on the beach. Orâ or get coffee. Pretend weâre not us for a while.â
The fantasy is so vivid in his mind he almost believes it could happen. But youâre shaking your head, standing up and slipping out of his arms. âIâve got to call Edoardo back. And Gabriella.â
He watches you scroll through messages, and feels the pout tug at his mouth before he can stop it. âYouâre so stubborn.â
Your eyes flick to him, and despite yourself, your expression softens a little. âAnd youâre annoying,â you say softly, reaching out to run a soft thumb over his bottom lip, pushing his sullenness away. âAt least youâre cute.â
It warms him more than it should. But youâre already moving toward the balcony door, phone pressed to your ear.Â
âFrancesca, ciao. Mi dispiace, non sono stata bene. Puoi passarmi Edoardo?â You step out into the bright sunshine, lighting up your anxiety ridden face, door clicking shut behind you, and Wonwoo is left alone with his thoughts.
The echo of your earlier confession still pulses in his head, but now it mixes with the reminder that although your world has been taken over by him and his reputation, itâs still so much bigger than him. And he doesnât like sharing.
Your last call ends and youâre left staring at your own reflection in the black glass of your phone screen, Gabriellaâs voice still needling at the edges of your skull. Thereâs laughter down below from the pool, at a bitter contrast with the kind of anger that coils tight in your chest.
You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, try to work your way through the disbelief of it all, trying to make sense of why she would have turned herself in after dragging it on for so long. It feelsâ pointless. Was the goal to just set fire to his life, and her own in turn? You want to scream. Instead you shove back from the balcony chair, slide the door open with more force than you mean to.
Wonwooâs just stepped out of the bathroom, wiping the condensation from his glasses and pushing them back on. His hair is damp, towel slung low around his hips. Steam clings to his skin, the scent of his soap curling through the air, and he smiles soft and unguarded at the sight of you, falters when he takes in your expressionâ it almost undoes you. You want to cross the room, put your arms around him, hold him against you until the tension in your body melts away. But you canât. Not when the truth tastes this bitter on your tongue, not when his fucking cum still dampens your underwear. Shit, you need to shower so badly.
His brows knit together, cautious. âWhat did they say?â
You give him a tight-lipped smile, dig your nails into your palms until it hurts. âIt was your ex,â you bite out. âSheâs the one who leaked the tape.â
The words hang heavy, souring the air between you. His body goes taut, mouth parts in surprise. He doesnât speak, doesnât move, and that silence cuts deeper than any outburst could.
âShe turned herself in this morning,â you continue. âItâs being kept under wraps for now, but itâll break soon, Wonwoo. You should stay offline.â
Thereâs a sharp tick in his jaw. He drags a hand through his wet hair, exhales heavy, like heâs holding himself together with sheer force. You ache to touch him, to soften the edges, but you keep your hands to yourself. This isnât your place.
âSay something,â you whisper, because the silence is too much. âWhy would she do that?â Wonwoo doesnât look like he understands it either for a minute, and then you see something click in his eyes. âWhat is it?â
You get the details fourth-hand: the police to Jeonghan to Gabriella to you. Wonwoo was rightâ it was just a pathetic bid for his attention. The âexâ she supposedly cheated on him with doesnât even exist, and the profile Gabriella had for him on Instagram belonged to her. Turns out love really can make you crazy.
Sheâd told him several months ago that she wanted to get back together, spent a few weeks pleading her case over texts and voicemailâ all while Wonwoo shut her out, uninterested in rekindling their relationshipâ until she went dead silent. Later, she leaked the photos knowing it would bring her character into question in her industry, in the hope heâd reach out (and of course youâd been against it) so on the back of your advice and Mingyuâs, heâd blocked her number.Â
After the Vanity Fair cover came out, every trace of her across Wonwooâs ribs erased, she uploaded the video, a last ditch effort that only fucked her over worse than him. She hadnât said why she chose to turn herself in, but Wonwoo wonders if it was the DeuxMoi post, if seeing him move on with someone new made her realise her efforts were fruitless. You almost feel sorry for her.
Wonwooâs kind of fucked up over it, doesnât know whether to unblock her and try to talk it out, nods in agreement when you tell him thatâs a bad idea. Kind of stings that he wants to talk to her at all, because if it were you youâd haul them over hot coals through the courts. Still. Itâs not your place. Youâre there for his reputation and not his feelings.Â
You still need to shower away the mess he made of you earlier, so you leave him with his mood and take to the bathroom where you stand under the stream for a long time, and hope it does something to soothe the ache in your chest. It doesnât. Your freshly laundered clothes are delivered in the meantime, thank God, because you canât go the whole day wearing stuff that smells of him. You pull on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, the weather too warm for working from the balcony in much else.Â
With Edoardo assured youâre handling the DeuxMoi issue, youâre determined to fix it before the story takes on a life of its own. It starts with calling Jeonghan back, who asks how you want to play it.Â
Truth be told, youâre tired of being the one who makes all the decisions, who has to look at every action from every possible angle, to figure out if a look could be misconstrued or words twisted. And before all this, you loved your job, but now it feels like youâre flailing, having made mistake after mistake where Wonwoo is concerned, letting him bleed through the gaps of the line you drew between work and your emotions. Itâd be nice to have another assistant to help compartmentalise your life, as well as your suitcase. Youâll just have to do it yourself.
Wonwooâs words from earlier swim back to you. Heâs right, itâs closest to the truth. Nobody needs to know it went further than your argument in the elevator if nothing more is going to happen.Â
âCall on the hotel staff who leaked the still to post the rest of the footage, and theyâll see us having a dispute and me going to my hotel room alone. Say weâre close friends as well as colleagues and unfortunately weâd both had a couple of drinks, but now itâs resolved, and Wonwoo is entirely focused on the upcoming Grand Prix.âÂ
Thereâs a long silence at the end of the line, but eventually Jeonghan says, âAre you sure?â
You blink. âWhy would I not be sure?â
âWe all thought you and Wonwooââ
You cut him offâ âWhoâs we?â
âWellââ he starts, uncertain. Another pause. âListen, if I tell you, you have to promise not to cut my bonus.â
You laugh, a little irritated now. âWhat if I push you off a cliff instead?â
âThatâs fine so long as you still pay me,â he retorts.
âSpit it out, Jeonghan,â you say shortly, growing ever frustrated.Â
âWe had a betting pool in the office. How long itâd take you two to get together.â
Your voice drops. âYouâre fucking kidding me?â
Jeonghan chuckles nervously. âMingyu let slip that Wonwoo had a little crush on you, and everyone got really excited for a big enemies to lovers thing. Honestly most of us were rooting for you.âÂ
Youâve no idea how to answer him, completely lost for words. You sit frozen, phone pressed to your ear, Jeonghanâs words echoing in your head. A little crush.Â
âRooting for us,â you repeat, voice hollow.
âYeah,â Jeonghan says quickly, as if padding it with cheer will soften the blow. âYou shouldâve seen InĂšsâ she nearly cried when she saw DeuxMoiâs post and we all thought it was happening.â
âInĂšs is in on this too?âÂ
âWhy do you think youâve been sat next to each other on every flight since the start of the season?â
Youâre going to burn the entire office to the ground, you think. You shut your eyes, pinch the bridge of your nose. The ache in your chest spreads sharper, like somethingâs cracking open. Itâs stupidâ you know itâs stupidâ but hearing it out loud, that Wonwoo liked you, that your colleagues are silently cheering for you, it makes the memory of last night coil differently in your stomach.
âRight,â you manage. âWell, tell InĂšs to save her tears. Thereâs nothing to root for.â
âThatâs not what it looks like from the outside,â Jeonghan says gently.
âWell none of you know whatâs happening on the inside, do you?â you snap, harsher than he deserves. âIt was one mistake, Jeonghanââ you falter, nearly giving the game away. âIn the elevator, I mean. And youâd better not let the betting pool bullshit get to Edoardo if you want to keep your head, or your precious bonus.â
âActuallyââ
âPromise me, Jeonghan,â you hiss.
He laughs nervously again, mutters something about you having his undying loyalty, then promises to draft the response exactly as you instructed. You end the call before he can say anything else, flop into the padded chair behind you.Â
âShit,â you whisper, dragging both hands down your face.
Behind the door to Wonwooâs room, you hear the dull thud of a drawer closing, the shuffle of him moving around, and for a second youâre tempted to march in there and beg him to tell you what to do. How to navigate this uncommon ground, to ask if he regrets it, and see if he thinks this is as impossible as you do. But you canât. Because it isnât your job to give in to your every desire. Itâs your job to clean this mess before it buries you both alive.Â
Wonwoo feels unsure interrupting your work, has done his best to avoid you all morning, but itâs getting into the afternoon, and neither of you have had anything but tea and water since the early hours. Youâre out on the balcony still, legs stretched out, bare feet resting in the other chair, laptop balanced on your lap. Your face set in that frown you wear when youâre trying to hold the world together.
âDo you want to get lunch?â he asks. Tries to keep his voice casual, but the tentative intention behind it is obvious.
Your eyes donât leave the screen, fingers still flying over the keyboard. âItâd be foolish to be seen together right now,â you say, voice flat.Â
Right. Of course. Wonwoo shifts, presses his palms against the stone wall, and exhales slow through his nose. âFine,â he says after a beat. âRoom service?â
âSure, whatever you want.â
What he wants is to throw your laptop in the fucking pool. What he wants is to pull you outside, make you forget work and just be with him, here in this beautiful place. Wonwoo disappears back inside, orders without asking your preferenceâ heâs already noticed what youâll actually eat and what youâll push around a plate until it goes cold. When he comes back, youâre still typing furiously, shoulders tense, and worrying your lip so hard he thinks youâll surely bite through it.
âTake a break,â he says quietly. âYour eyes will go bad if you keep staring at a screen like that.â
Finally, you twist to look at him, lips quirking at the corners, a drop of mirth in your tired, pretty eyes. âOh really? Is that what happened to you?â
The corner of his mouth lifts, the ghost of a smile. âYup. I learned the hard way.â
For a moment, the weight between you lightens, like if he leaned a little closer, youâd meet him in the middle instead of pushing him away. But then your laptop pings again, and your gaze flicks back to the screen.
Wonwoo straightens, dragging a hand through his hair. He doesnât push further. He canât. Not when youâre still holding him at armâs length, even as you wade through the mess that is his personal life and try to salvage something worthwhile from the wreck. Your food will come soon, and heâll be damned if he lets you work through that too. Until then, heâll stay quiet enough that you let him keep your company. He shifts your feet off the chair and over his lap as he settles into it, and you give him a pointed look before drawing your legs away, setting your feet on the ground instead.Â
After a while, a knock at the door breaks the silence. Wonwoo moves to answer it, relief and dread mingling in his chest. He tips the server and wheels the tray outside. You close the laptop at last, though not without a little sigh of resignation, and set it on the table beside you. Wonwoo noticesâ the way your shoulders sag, the way your face softens just a fraction without the harshness of the screen glaring at you.
He uncovers the dishes. âCâmon. Eat,â he says simply, handing you the plate he knew youâd prefer.
Your eyebrow quirks, amused. âDidnât even ask.â
âDidnât you once say youâd move to Italy just for the pasta?â he replies, a little pride flaring in his belly when it elicits a laugh from you.
You take a cautious bite, and then another, appetite sneaking up on you now that food is in front of you. Wonwoo eats slowly, quietly, watching you more than his own plate, cataloguing the way your lips wrap around the fork, the faint hum you make when youâre satisfied. For a little while, it feels like a ceasefire. The pressure of DeuxMoi, his ex, the liesâ it all fades to the edges as you both pick at your plates in a rhythm that feels almost normal.
You break it first, of course. âRoom service three times in less than twenty-four hours. The staff are going to think weâre sex obsessed freaks.â
Wonwoo snorts softly. âTheyâll think weâre busy. They donât care what people do in their own rooms.â
âThey do when one of them is famous.â
He rolls his eyes, but heâs smiling. âOkay, so let them call me a sex freak.â
You laugh, swatting gently at his arm. âGod, Wonwoo, Iâm begging you to make my job a little easier for once.âÂ
He grabs your retreating hand, tugs it up to brush his lips over your knuckles. âIâm begging you to make my job easier,â he says. âI try to concentrate on the race and all Iâm thinking about is yââÂ
He stops short when he sees your wide smile falter, the sudden shallow breaths. Wonwoo wants to reach across the table, shake you by the shoulders out of your hidden world and ask when youâll let him kiss you again. Instead, he lets your hand drop from his and the conversation stutters there, you finish the rest of your meals in silence, eyes decidedly cast down.
When youâre finished you load the tray with your empty plates, tuck your laptop under your arm, and tell him youâre going to pack up, get ready for the airport. Wonwoo nods, says heâll do the same, even though his suitcase has been ready beside the door for the last three hours.Â
The taxi ride is suffocating. The humid air pressing through the vents, the slow traffic outside, the driverâs radio tuned low. You sit with your knees angled toward the window, your face carefully arranged into neutrality. Wonwoo watches the side of your face instead of the buildings flashing past, his chest tight with everything unsaid.Â
He shouldâve brought this up earlier. Wants to know if last night was only a mistake to you, if youâre really capable of walking away like it was nothing. His hand twitches against his thigh.Â
âAbout last nightââ he begins, quiet.
You cut him a sharp look, flicking your eyes pointedly toward the driver before staring back out the window. Wonwoo closes his mouth. Stares down at his hands, jaw tight, and the silence gnaws at his gut all the way to the airport.
The lounge is cooler, a little more privacy with people sitting further away, busy with their work or their own conversations, but youâre no more forgiving. You sit across from him, your laptop open again, and he feels the wall between you rising brick by brick. It makes him restless, anxiety lacing through his veins.
Finally, he leans forward, elbows on his knees. âWe need to talk,â he murmurs.
Your head snaps up, eyes firm. âNot here,â you hiss. âSomeone might hear.â
âSo what?â He snaps back. âLet them hear.â
âAre you insane?â you whisper back through your teeth. âDo you want to hand them another scandal on a silver platter? Jeon Wonwoo fights with girlfriend in airport lounge?âÂ
The word girlfriend draws a bitter laugh from him and you scowl. Wonwoo swears under his breath. He doesnât care about the headlines, about DeuxMoi, about the vultures waiting for another scrap of drama. What he cares about is the potential of you and him, slipping further away with every cautious word.
Wonwoo pushes up from the chair. âCome with me.â
You hesitate, glance around, then rise reluctantly, laptop tucked under your arm. He leads you through the lounge, weaving past clusters of businessmen and couples until he finds a corner leading to an emergency exit, half-hidden by a structural column, tucked away out of sight.
âWonwooââ you start, but he cuts you off.
âWill you kiss me again?â His voice is ragged, raw. Heâs close enough now that he can see the brief tremble of your bottom lip, the way your fingers tighten around your laptop. âI donât want this to end before itâs even started.â
Your lips part, the air between you charged and taut. For a beat, you donât move. Then you surge forward, press your mouth to his, and the dam breaks.
Itâs frenzied, sharp teeth nipping at his lip, the hot slide of his tongue over yours, your laptop nearly tumbling from your grip as his hand anchors the back of your neck. His other hand finds your waist, hauling you closer, and he kisses you like he's drowning. The taste of you, the heat of your body, your quickened breath reminds him of last night, and again this morning. Itâs too much and not enough.
It deepens too fast, spirals until youâre breathing hard against his lips, chest heaving. You tear yourself back with a gasp, eyes dark and clouded, almost mournful.
âThis is it,â you whisper, voice trembling. âIâm sorry I broke my own rules, but it shouldnât have happened in the first place.â Wonwooâs chest constricts. He shakes his head, wanting to argue, but you force a crooked, brittle smile. âMaybe in ten years or so, if I quit or you retire, we can pick it back up.â
He doesnât laugh. Doesnât even pretend to find humour in it.. His eyes bore into yours, silent and wounded, because to him, none of this is a joke.
On your return after the meeting with Rolex (terse between you and Wonwoo, friendly in the face of others) youâd given him back his ring on the promise that youâd wear it on Grand Prix weekends, if his superstition still called for that. Heâd protested, but you argued it wouldnât be a good idea to wear it day to day now, since it turned out everyone at work had bets riding on the two of you.Â
Youâd also told InĂšs, in no uncertain terms, that you didnât want to be seated next to Wonwoo again, and she delivered: separate schedules, separate briefings, separate transport when necessary. You only cross paths in rooms where it would be impossible not to, and there, the two of you perform as colleagues and nothing more.
Itâs worked, thatâs for sure. The storm DeuxMoi stirred up has quietened. The rumors faded, drowned under fresher scandals, more salacious fodder. Online, at least, the world has moved on.
But youâ youâve thrown yourself into work, into emails, into KPIs, and career development programs for your subordinates, favouring schedules with Charles over Wonwoo, and rewriting Edoardoâs speeches until the cadence rings smooth. You keep your head down and mind your business, but still, you can feel his absence like a phantom limb, an itch unscratched.
Edoardo notices. He doesnât bring it up for a while, but you catch the way his brow furrows when Wonwooâs attention lags in meetings, when his performance during practice sessions falls flat. âSomethingâs off with him,â he muttered once, voice low. âWhat on earth happened between you?â Youâd bitten your tongue until it ached.
At night, the walls of your too large home seem to echo with the quiet. You lie in bed with your hand between your thighs, trying to chase the release that came so easy with him, but it canât get there. You move your fingers the way you think he would, but itâs hollow and leaves you unsated and kicking at the sheets in frustration. He did it better. He did it so much better, and you canât scrub the memory of it from your skin.
Sleep comes late every night, and when it does, heâs waiting there. Dreams of him fucking you into the mattress, of his voice ragged and his breath hot against the shell of your ear, of his mouth drawing out sounds from you you can hardly remember making before. You wake gasping, sheets tangled, body aching with need.
The worst part is the way he pretends. The way he hardly acknowledges your hellos in the office, just nods, a stiff dip of his chin that twists something in your chest. The way his eyes slide past you like youâre just another staff member, like the brief stay in the Bahamas never happened. It drives you half mad.
You type messages on your phone late at night.Â
I think I made a mistake.Â
Wonwoo, can we talk?Â
I canât stop thinking about you.
But every time your thumb hovers over send, you remember his silence in the office, his polite distance, and you wonder if he doesnât want you anymore, and maybe youâve ruined it for good. And so every message is discarded. Deleted and retyped and repeat. Again, and again, and again.
The days bleed together. Itâs been nine days since the Bahamas, since your lips on his in the lounge, since you told him it was over before it could even begin. And now youâre on home ground, where the air is thick with history, where the ground of the city itself seems to hum with ghosts of legends, where Wonwooâs presence surrounds you but he wonât speak.Â
Thereâs a dinner tonight with some sponsors, you, Edoardo, the head of engineering, Charles and Wonwoo, everyoneâs partners. Fourteen total. Edoardo has asked for you to host, âsince you keep your home so beautiful!â and heâs sure your cooking is sublime. First of allâ sexist. Secondâ your cooking is fine but youâre tired, so youâve hired a chef for the evening and put it on the company card. Thirdâ itâs easy to keep a house nice when youâre never fucking home to see it. Of course you donât say any of this to your boss. Just smile and assure him itâll go well.Â
The problem is the people coming tonight love to drag a dinner on, laden with wine and cigars and you know the night will last well into the early hours. Edoardo has already had a case of wine delivered to your house. Earlier in the week, InĂšs, bless her heart, had asked carefully, kindly, if youâd like her to arrange a scheduling conflict thatâd get you out of it, book the others in at a nice restaurant instead, but how would that look? No, youâll get through this like you do everything else.Â
Youâre blotting off your lipstick in the mirror when the doorbell rings. Not the chef, sheâs already in the kitchen, not the guestsâ too early yet. Your assistant calls, âLo prenderĂČ, signorina!â from down the hall.
You hear his voice before you even step out of your bedroom. Deep and familiar, lovely in the way it snags at the fibres of your heart.
âWonwoo?â He stands in your foyer, clutching a bouquet of snapdragons and lilacs clutched in one hand, bottle of champagne in the other, wearing something smarter than his usual casual attire, all in black. His eyes flit unsure from you, to your assistant, to the floor. Your assistant looks over him approvingly, raises her eyebrows at you and brings her fingers to her lips to kiss them.Â
âIâ uh. I wasnât sure what to bring,â he says.
âThose are lovely, thank you,â you say, as your assistant takes the flowers from him and rushes off to the kitchen to arrange them in a vase. âShould we have the champagne with dinner?â
âOr you can save it,â he says, shrugging. You can hear your assistant padding upstairs. âWhatever.â
Whatever.Â
âIâuh. Am I the only one here?â He lifts his watch to check the time. âSorry. I thought it started at eight.â
âEight-thirty,â you say. Youâre not sure what else to add. Heâs early, painfully so, and you havenât had time to steel yourself against this awkwardness. You werenât prepared to be alone with him.
âRight.â He shifts his weight on his feet, stuffs his now empty hands in his pockets, glances around your entryway. âNice place. Iâd wondered what your home would look like.â
âYes. Well, I like it.â
When his eyes return to you, they linger a beat too long. âYou look nice too.â
âThanks.â You close your arms over yourself, hands curled over your elbows. âI had a shower and everything.â
That pulls the faintest smile from him, quick to vanish.
Her brows lift, eager to be away. âSei sicuro?â
âSĂŹ, sĂŹ. Buona serata.â You give her a grateful look until she grins, gathers her things, and slips out with cheerful goodbyes. The door closes behind her with a final click that leaves you and Wonwoo alone, save for the chef in the kitchen.Â
Itâs almost worse without a buffer.Â
âI like the way you speak,â he says. âIn Italian, I mean. I still canât get the hang of it.âÂ
You falter, searching for something to say that isnât completely ridiculous. In the end you say, âIâm sure Charles wouldnât mind helping you with it, or anyone in the office, really.âÂ
The silence stretches, heavy and awkward. To fill it, you gesture toward the garden. âI was about to set the table. Itâs such a nice night, I thought we could eat outside.â
âI can help.â
You shouldnât let him, but you do. Together you lay out plates, silverware, glasses, jugs of water that will likely remain untouched, and napkins folded with a precision that doesnât really matter, since the rest of your guests will be happy and drunk in no time at all. Neither of you speak much, and the scrape of porcelain against wood fills the quiet. Occasionally you can feel his eyes on you, and having him in your home like this, helping you with the table, feels agonisingly domestic.
When youâre done you brush your hands off, and he says, out of nowhere, âCan I have a tour?â
You blink at him. âA tour?â
His mouth curves, uncertain. âI justâ I want to see how you live.â
Itâs not an absurd request, most other circumstances youâd have offered one anyway. It just felt odd, letting him in your space after everything, but something in his tone makes you relent. You lead him room by room, narrating stiff, like an estate agent: kitchen (he says polite hellos to the woman chopping vegetables at the island), living room, the dining room, the study with its neatly organized shelves of books high to the ceiling, the main bathroom that youâve used exactly zero times in favour of your en-suite, two guest rooms that are often occupied with friends when youâre home after the season. He makes small comments, nods, a murmur of approval here and there. It almost feels normal.
Until you reach your bedroom. You hesitate in the doorway as he steps to the middle of it, and looks around. You follow because you canât very well leave him standing there alone.
âItâs very you,â he says quietly, his gaze sweeping over your furniture, the artwork and photographs on the wall, the muted tones of your bedding, and the flowers he brought sitting pretty on your windowsill, the sweet scent of the lilacs drenching the room. His eyes settle on you again, softer now.Â
He takes a hesitant step closer. Your breath catches, your body moving with a will that betrays your brain. A magnetic pull closing the scant inches between you, the barely there brush of the back of his hand grazing yours, his gaze flicking down to your mouth. You tilt toward him, and he toward you, almost, almostâ
The doorbell rings and it startles you out of your daze, pulling back, and his mouth parts with words unsaid, eyes snapping toward the sound. You swallow hard, smooth down your dress, and say under your breath, âIâd better get that.â
His eyes fall to your lips again, for a brief moment. âWhat are we doing?â he asks, under his breath.
You donât know. How can you, when heâs claiming all the space inside your head, even while you sleep? You donât answer, just turn and make your way downstairs, to greet the rest of your guests with a big smile and go back to pretending everything is as it was.Â
Nine bottles are emptied by the time your mains are served, because the sponsors surely know how to put it away. Itâs Peter from AWS, Sophia from the Armani Group, Stephen from Shell, and their spouses. The former two Wonwoo hardly knows, but theyâve been friendly enough. Itâs only Stephen that Wonwoo has heard stories about.Â
Wonwoo sits not quite across from you, close enough to watch the way your earrings dazzle in the light when you turn your head, the careful curve of your smile as you answer Sophiaâs questions about your decor. Stephen flanks your other side, and Wonwoo notices how when he leans in, you shrink back, how your smile goes stiff when he talks too close in your ear.Â
He notices how Stephenâs gaze lingers too long, too often. Not when his wife is speaking, of course but when sheâs distracted, wine glass in hand, attention turned to Edoardo beside her. His eyes find you every time, dragging slowly over the neckline of your dress, down to where your necklace sits pretty on your collarbones. It makes Wonwooâs stomach knot, seeing it without the ring thatâs slotted back on his finger.Â
Wonwoo sips at his wine, tells himself to work his expression into something lighter, because this dinner is important for the team, for the sponsors, and for you. He tells himself that this is not his business, that youâre more than capable of handling yourself.Â
Still, every time Stephen leans forward, whiny voice forced smooth, gaze fixed on the contours of your body, Wonwoo has to school his expression into neutrality. He knows if he lets it slip, if he lets anyone see what heâs thinking, the whole table will know how he feels about you. Makes no sense for him to feel possessive over you, especially when it concerns someone youâre showing clear lack of comfort around, but he feels it all the same.
He has no right to say anything. Not when heâs already been told by you that this thing between you has no place in the real world. Not when youâve been so careful to build these walls between you at work, to look through him like he could be anyone else.
And so the irritation sits like lead in his chest, and he says nothing. Instead he keeps his hands steady, bantering jovially with Charles, laughing in the right places at Edoardoâs anecdotes. Answering questions and joining in the conversation where he can. But he doesnât miss an opportunity to meet your eyes across the table, ask silently if youâre okay, and try to take that small reassuring smile you give him as enough to convince him that you are.Â
At one point Edoardoâs wife, MarĂa, remarks that everyone here is a couple, except for you and Wonwoo. She leans in, eager for gossip, and asks, âAre either of you seeing anyone? Youâre too young and beautiful not to.â
The entire table turns to look at you both, and it makes Wonwoo feel like heâs under a microscope, but you just laugh it off, say your last relationship ended a few years ago, and if Edoardo keeps adding to your plate then surely youâll never have time for a lover ever again. Edoardo gasps at that, clutches his chest and scolds you for blaming him rather than admitting youâre a workaholic. Wonwoo hides a small smile behind his glass.Â
MarĂa turns her attention on him. âWhat about you, Wonwoo? No one special youâre keeping secret?â
Wonwoo clears his throat. âI think everyone at this table has heard more than enough about my love life.â
Thereâs a smatter of quiet, awkward laughter around the table.Â
And MarĂa smiles sweetly, says, âI wonder what it must feel like to be single these days. All those apps, it sounds wretched.â
A louder chorus of laughter this time, and Wonwoo agrees. He takes another long sip of wine and lets the conversation move on without him. He catches your eye for a moment, and you offer him a tiny, grateful smile.Â
Adrienne leans over and says, âWonwoo, have you been here before?â
âNope,â he says, âFirst time.â
âI keep telling Charles we should get somewhere like this,â she gushes, looking out over the rolling hills, all pink and orange under the setting sun. âIsnât the view stunning?â
Wonwoo looks over at you, only to find you already watching him. âYeah,â he says, meeting your eyes. âIt is.â
The sky dims to a cool blue and fills with the swirl of smoke, mixing with the silver of the thin clouds on the horizon, by the time the twelfth bottle is emptied. You tell everyone to stay put, keep drinking, keep enjoying the wine. âIâll clear the plates,â you say, sliding to your feet.
Wonwoo stands too, almost instantly. âIâll help.â
Adrienne smiles up at you both. âArenât you a sweet pair?â she sighs, eyes shining like sheâs watching a romance unfold. Sheâs almost as drunk as the rest of them.
âWeâre not a pair,â you say under your breath, but Adrienne doesnât catch it.Â
Charles tugs Adrienne more firmly into his lap. âIâd help too, but someone seems to have taken me hostage.â
Adrienne presses a kiss to his temple, giggling soft, and the other end of the table erupts in laughter at Peterâs story. You roll your eyes, a half smile on your lips in effort to play along, but your pulse is a drum in your ears as Wonwoo follows you into the kitchen, carrying a small stack of plates.
The clatter of the dinner party fades behind you, replaced by the muffled scrape of porcelain against marble as you set things down on the counter. You can feel him at your backâ reaching around your body to lay his stack next to yours. Â
âThank you,â you murmur.
âOf course,â he says, voice low.Â
He doesnât look at you when you turn to rinse the cutlery, just leans back against the island, and says too loud, âI donât think much of Stephen.â
âShhh,â you admonish, glancing toward the door, though you know they wonât hear you from all the way outside. His profile is cut sharp against the warm kitchen light, hair falling into his eyes. Makes you want to smooth it back with your hands. âYouâre drunk.â
Wonwoo ignores your observation and presses on. âDoes he always look at you like that?â
âHe looks at everyone like that,â you whisper. âTrust me, Iâm no special case.âÂ
âI think youâre special.â
The wine must have loosened Wonwooâs grip on sense, because heâs leaning down behind you, but the wine mustâve loosened yours too, because youâre letting him, so pathetically desperate for him to touch you. He presses a kiss to your shoulder next to the strap of your dress. Holds there, sighs against your skin.Â
âIâve had too much time to think this week,â he says.
You huff a small laugh. âJeonghan must be letting you off easy.â
âIâve missed you bothering me,â he says, another soft kiss pressed to the nape of your neck.Â
You tsk. âYou canât just say you missed me?â
He smiles against your skin. âOkay,â he whispers. âI missed you.âÂ
You canât figure out how it starts, if itâs his hands that slide to your waist that turns you, or if you do it of your own accord. Just know that your arms wrap around his neck as he pulls your chests flush against one another. One of his hands travels up your body, trails over your shoulder, fingers delicately caress your neck. Makes you wonder if he can feel the way your heart beats faster. You just know that your mouth is already wet with want as your lips meet in the middle, slow and deliberate and deep. The taste of wine on his tongue makes you feel dizzy. The air between you hums, prickling with all the things neither of you will say, but this kiss makes up for it. The slow pull of his teeth on your bottom lip tells you he needs this. The quiet moan he presses into your open mouth says enough. The push of his hips into yours says plenty.Â
A roar of laughter from outside breaks you apart, panting, and you realise with a jolt that your lipstick smears his face. You reach out to grab his jaw with your hand, and rub at it with your thumb. Fuck. Shit. Youâre just making it worse but heâs smiling, pulling at your hand and pressing soft lips into your palm.Â
You should say somethingâ anything. Instead, you clear your throat, voice too soft when you manage, âTheyâll wonder where weâve gone.â
âTheyâre drunk,â he replies simply, and itâs true. No one will notice. No one except you, heart knocking stupidly against your ribs, all too aware of the way your hand lingers too long in his grip, and of the way he watches your face for any inclination youâll let this happen as it should. âCan I stay tonight?â
Your first instinct is to laugh, to brush it off, to remind him of the twelve drunk colleagues in your garden, that itâs barely eleven and youâll be hard pressed to get rid of anyone before one, to remind him that they saw everythingâthe headlines, the photographs, the grainy image from the hotel, and theyâll be watching to see if thereâs a break in the act tonight too, drunk or not. The rules youâve set for yourself still hold purpose, to prevent this kind of mess.
But the words donât come. His hand is still warm around yours. His thumb traces the curve of your palm like he doesnât realize heâs doing it. His eyesâ dark, steady, so unbearably sureâ hold yours with a question that feels bigger than the one he asked.
Yes hovers on your lips. You hear yourself exhale instead, shaky and low, borrowing time. âWonwooâŠâ
Another wave of laughter breaks from outside and you swallow the lump in your throat. You turn, tearing off a piece of tissue from the roll and wetting it under the tap.Â
âHold still,â you murmur, stepping back to him. His hands stay braced back against the counter, body loose but eyes pinned on you as you wipe away the telltale red smear on his lips. He leans into your touch just barely, almost like a reflex. The faintest pink blooms across his skin where you rub too hard.
âThere,â you whisper, chest tight, when itâs gone. âPerfect.â
Wonwoo doesnât move, doesnât let his eyes leave you. Only when you step back does he shift, straightening slowly, jaw setting in a line. You gesture toward the crate of bottles, keeping your voice steady. âCan you take another out?â
He nods and reaches for a bottle. On his way back out he gets close, fingers dragging across the small of your back, nose sliding up the back of your neck, a last kiss pressed behind your ear. When heâs gone, you leave the plates where they are and slip upstairs. In the mirror of your bathroom you find your lipstick smudged, colour worn thin from his kiss. The sight alone makes your pulse spike all over again. You grip the counter hard, knuckles whitening, trying to will the heat out of your body.
So you fix your lipstick, reapply foundation where necessary. Smooth your dress, dab perfume at your pulse point like it could take away the feeling of his fingers over it. Downstairs, laughter carries in with the breeze through the open doors, Wonwooâs voice among it.
If you let him in your bed tonight, give in yet again, could it be okay?
Wonwooâs eyes find yours as you come outside again, lipstick re-applied, and as perfect as ever. If youâd given his request any consideration at all, thereâs no indication. The seats are all shifted now, everyone settled into their post-dinner rhythm, the kind that grows easy when the food is finished and the wine has taken root. Most are at the table, still chatting lively, but Edoardo, Peter, and Stephen have trailed a little further away, standing in a small circle with their cigars and their glasses, talking intently. Â
You slip into the chair beside him, legs crossing neatly, smile polite and unreadable as Adrienne laughs at something Charles mutters into her hair. Wonwoo wants that. Doesnât see why he canât. Doesnât see why you wont, because every time he dares to touch you, you seem to want it as much as he does. Adrienne leans over to pluck a cigarette from the pack on the table, and Charles reaches into his pocket to find his lighter. The way they move is almost automatic, a practiced comfort after years of knowing one another. Wonwoo wants that with you.Â
âMay I have one?â you ask her, almost idly, like itâs nothing. Wonwoo blinks, caught off guard by the request.
Adrienne raises her brows, and slides one across to you. âDidnât know you smoked.â
âItâs been ages,â you admit, slotting it between your lips, casual. âFeels like the right kind of night for it.â
Charles flicks the lighter for Adrienneâs first, then leans across to light yours too. Wonwoo watches the glow of the flame across your face in the semi-dark, watches the way you tip your head toward the flame. Loves the way the smoke curls from your lips as you exhale, slow and steady. His throat goes dry. He shouldnât think itâs hot, but he does. Itâs devastating, the way you affect him.
The curve of your mouth, the way you draw in deep, the way your fingers rest on your lips as you take a drag, it makes something coil tight in his gut.
Without thinking, Wonwoo plucks the cigarette from your fingers as you lower it, ignoring the way your expression lifts a little in surprise. He holds your gaze as he takes a drag himself, lungs heavy with the forgotten bite of it. He hasnât touched one in years, not since training, not since his mother made him swear to never touch one again. But with your lipstick stain on the filter, it feels more like tasting you again.
When he exhales, itâs deliberate, a slow ribbon of smoke winding into the night air.
Your brows lift, amused. âSince when?â
âI donât,â he says, and his voice is a little rough around the edges. He passes the cigarette back to you, fingers brushing yours, letting the faintest smirk ghost across his lips. âJust felt like the kind of night.â
The guests slowly filter out the front door, they pile into chauffeured cars with peals of laughter that breaks the softness of the night. Charles and Adrienne linger a little longer, but sometime after one they too announce their departure. Charles hoists Adrienne onto his back, heels dangling from the straps in her hand, and sheâs laughing loud. He turns red faced with wine and effort to Wonwoo, asks if he wants to be dropped off, and Wonwoo glances sideways at you. You give an infinitesimal shake of your head.Â
âMingyuâs picking me up in a few minutes,â he lies.Â
Charles looks between you, a tiny knowing smile playing on his lips, and Wonwoo canât bring himself to care. Just wants them to go so he can kiss you without your worries taking precedent. âOkay, enjoy the rest of your night,â Charles says, and walks out the door, Adrienne clinging on to him, waving happily and yelling her thanks to you for hosting.Â
When the door clicks closed and you turn to him, that polite and poised smile youâve worn all evening is gone. Your earrings catch the light as you tilt your head, watching him with an expression that says youâre as tired of pretending as he is.
âGod,â you murmur, half to yourself, slipping your heels off at the threshold. âI thought theyâd never leave.â
Wonwoo huffs a laugh, low in his chest. âYou handled them well.â
âYou helped.â Wonwooâs eyes flick down to your mouth yet again, remembering the feel of it in the kitchen, the lipstick, the cigarette you shared. When his eyes lift again, yours are heavy with want, drawing him in with that same gravity thatâs been gnawing at him for so long.
He doesnât move at first. Feels the moment stretch taut, like a breath held underwater. Itâs you who closes the gap. You breathe in sharp and shallow as his hands fly to your waist, and yours fist in his shirt, pulling him down, and his mouth finds yours yet again.
Itâs almost feral the way you kiss him, hard and messy. His hands framing your face because he needs to hold you, needs to remind himself that this is real. Your back hits the wall with a soft thud, and you gasp into his mouth when his hips press into yours, the proof of how much he wants this, wants you, evident in the thick length hardening beneath his trousers.Â
âFuck,â you pant when he tears his lips away to kiss down your jaw, your throat, biting lightly where your pulse hammers. âWonwooââ
âDonât tell me itâs just once.â His voice is ragged against your skin. âNot again.â
âWasnât gonna.â You shake your head, tilting it back to give him more, letting him taste every inch of skin he wants. You shove him off after a moment, chest heaving, just to lead him upstairs. He feels sleazy as he watches your ass as you walk up the stairs, reaches out to touch, take a firm handful and pinches playful and youâre laughing, pulling at his hand and dragging him up to your room.Â
In your bedroom is where he kisses you slow and dirty. You moan into his mouth when he squeezes the meat of your ass, drags down a strap of your dress to caress the skin he exposes, rolls his thumb over your puckering nipple. He groans as you press your hand over the tent in his trousers, rub firm over the length of it through the material.Â
He walks you backwards across the room until the mattress dips under your shared weight, and he cages you in with his arms. Wants to keep you like this, bated breath and hot beneath him, wants to mold your body with his, make your pleasure his own, make it belong to him. Fucks him up a little, when you pull off his mouth, and your eyes go heavy and clouded with lust as your eyes zero on your own hands pull his shirt untucked, dip under the material and trail your nails over his skin, lighting little fires in their wake. Fucks him up a lot when your kiss-bitten lips fall into a pout after you drag his shirt over his head, and say âItâs unfair how hot you are. I never stood a chance.âÂ
Feels much the same about you, says so, calls you beautiful as he slides his hands down your thighs to pull up your knees and nudge them apart, lets the satin of your dress pool like water at your hips and exhales, satisfied, as he runs his middle fingernail over your lace covered clit, finds the material a little damp.Â
âYouâre so sensitive,â he observes, a pleased spark running through his veins.Â
âHardly,â you complain, sucking in a breath as his soft pets quickly turn insistent. âCouldnât get there this week.âÂ
âYeah?â he pants, voice deep and thick, head swimming with the implication. âYou couldnât get yourself off? Were you thinking of me?â You nod, and he canât fight the smug look off his face.Â
âHave you touched yourself while thinking of me before?â
âYeahââ you admit, voice tiny and embarrassed. âHave you?â
âUh-huh,â he says, intentionally avoiding saying how often, and he loves the way you draw your bottom lip between your teeth as you picture it. âCan you do it now? Show me how you get yourself off?â
Can feel the heat flush on your body as you shake your head no. âWant you to do it.âÂ
He smiles. âAnother time, then?â he presses, almost too casual.
âYes. Yeah, another time,â you breathe, and he keens forward to catch your lips in another kiss. You break off, peppering your lips across his jaw, and between them you whisper, âWonwoo, touch me.â
Wonwoo gives in to your pleas without a fight. Drags your underwear down slow over your legs, you kick them away, let your knees fall apart so he can see how wet he makes you. He circles your clit, swollen and sensitive, with a calloused thumb, hums pleased when it draws a little sigh from you. Slides down over your damp slit with two fingers and dips in, moves to line his body against yours just to mouth wet at your neck, keeps slipping his fingers in and out, too shallow to bring you close, enough to wind you tight, your harsh small breaths a giveaway itâs working as intended.Â
âDonât tease,â you beg, but he can feel the way your entrance pulses around his fingers and it sends a lick of want right through him, wants to work you up enough that heâs got you doing that on his cock.Â
Wants to sink his teeth into the sounds you make, but he settles for the swell of your breast. Leaves little marks over your skin, sucks a bruise on your sternum, draws your nipples into his mouth with his tongue, one after the other, coats them in his spit and blows cool air through pursed lips, watches them pucker with a self-satisfied hum.
You turn on your side with a frustrated groan, facing away from him, but his fingers still find purchase between your legs. With a harsh suck to the crook of your neck he drives his fingers deep, crooking them firm and revelling in the way your head tips back and your breaths go shallow. At this new angle the heel of his palm rocks against your clit as he plunges his fingers inside your slick, wet cunt, driving you closer to the precipice with each thrust and curl. You whimper, legs begin to tremble, and as you get impossibly wet, he coos in your ear. âAre you close?â
âYeah,â you pant. âYeah mâclose.â
He wants to take photographs of you like this, so pretty and fucked out over him, mouth parted in a little o as your pussy drenches his hand while he fucks his fingers into you and grinds the heel of his hand against your clit. Knows itâs a stupid thing to bring it up now so he tucks the thought away for later, for a promised another time. Feels the way you clench, hears the way you wail, broken, and your body goes all tight against him, has him fucked up, the way your eyes roll back, and he holds you closer just to rut his aching, neglected cock against your behind.
You draw in a ragged breath as your body relaxes, and he pulls his fingers from you. He takes the wetness that coats his fingers and works it over your thighs, sighs at the way they glisten in the dim light of the moon outside your window. Wonwoo breathes heavy against your skin, and youâre turning over to face him, dazed smile lighting up your beautiful face. It punches all the air out of his lungs, the way you look at him.Â
He craves you, your mouth, your touch. âYouâve no idea how badly Iâve wanted this.â
You soften, look at him with something like adoration, a contented glow under your skin. He wants more of thatâ your smile instead of your scowl, wants to stop bringing you problems to fix, wants to share this bed with you, a year from now, two, three, a decade, and keep you sated. Keep you his. Thatâll come later. Right now he wants to fuck you so full of his cum that it drips down your legs. Wants to take your sighs in his mouth and swallow them like sweet wine. Wants your release for himself again, and again.Â
Youâre pulling at his belt, pushing his trousers and his boxers down his thighs, and then youâre sliding your leg over his hip, trying to get the angle right so he can line his cock up with your core, make love to you like this. Thatâs what it feels like, this time. All that carnal, fraught need melting into tenderness as he slides inside, a blinding, tight heat that has him burying his face in the crook of your neck, the light scratch of your fingernails on his back running seams through him, makes him undone.
His arm bands around your waist as you rock against each other, skin against skin, the drag of your nipples against his chest. His lips trail over your shoulder, yours pressed into his hair, feels your breath hot and quickened against his scalp. Pushes into your open, pliant body slow slow slow, the achingly deep, wet slide tightening the coil in his gut. Hears your broken sob and feels the clench of your pussy simultaneously. Nearly comes apart with it himself, but he keeps rolling into you, with firm, slow strokes. Feels your lips ghosting against his forehead, whispering sweet nothings into his skin.Â
Wonwoo can feel you hurtling toward your end, wants to claim it as his. âYou like how good I fuck you?â he rasps. You answer with a broken moan. âYeahâ shit, tell me youâre mine, baby, tell meââ
âMâyours,â you gasp, words shallow and half formed on the back of a twisted guttural sound. âMâyours, Wonwoo.â
Electric in his veins, he gasps too as you clench his cock so tight. âYeahâ yeah you fuckinâ are.â Works a hand awkwardly between your bodies to toy with your clit, draw your earlobe between his lips just to sink his teeth into it, and you keen, nails digging into his skin. You cry out, babbling his name while you ride on the wave of your release. âComingâ fuck, Wonwoo.â You whine through it, a gush of wetness soaks him and the sheets below and his vision nearly whites out.Â
âOh my God,â he groans. Your pussy pulses around him, rolls you onto your back and himself on top, hiking both your legs around his waist just so he can drive into you with hastened, erratic thrusts, each one punctuated with breathless grunts.Â
âWanâ it in me,â you slur. âFill me upâ please, please, Wonwooâ fuckââ
Pleasure rips through him so hard his eyes roll back, and youâre babbling praise in his ear. Comes with a force that shakes him, cock twitching desperately inside you as he empties his cum into your body, seeps out around him. You drag your fingers through the mess of your slit around his cock, bring them to your mouth and run them over your bottom lip, leaving a translucent sheen that you lick away with a quiet hum of satisfaction. âSo good, Wonwoo,â you whisper, offering him a taste. âTaste it.â
âPervert,â he teases, but he leans in anyway. Draws your wet fingers into his mouth, salted and heady slick over his tongue. Makes him woozy, the way you look at him delirious as he laps your fingers clean.Â
A little later, after youâve caught your breath, you shower together. Wonwoo presses your back against the cold tile and soaps down your body with the cloth, works his way slow and gentle over your skin, between your thighs, almost drops to his knees to lick you out when he catches your breath stutter, but youâre pulling him up, laughing into his lips and saying you canât possibly go again before sleep.Â
Afterwards, Wonwoo helps you change the sheets, and you laugh about the alien domesticity of it all. Then, as the horizon slips a pale yellow with the fast approaching dawn, you lay in bed, all shy, silly smiles and soft touches. Wonwoo asks if he can stay here again, after the race on Sunday, and you give him a forlorn little smile.
âDid you forget youâve got a flight to catch?â
âOh.â He laughs, disappointed. Fuck his favourite cousin for getting married right when heâs got you. âYeah I did actually.â
You grow quiet once again, his hands smoothing over your arms, until he catches your necklace glinting in the low light, looking too bare. He reaches around your neck without asking, unclasps the chain, warm from your body, and slips his ring over it. âNeed my good luck charm this weekend,â he says simply, voice slow with exhaustion, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth where a smile quirks.
âCan I ask you something?â
âMhm,â he says, even though heâs on the edge of sleep.
âWhyâs it so special?â Your voice is low, tentative. âDid she give it to you?â
That makes him laugh. âYou think Iâd make you wear something my ex-girlfriend gave me? You donât think thatâs really fucked up?â
You laugh too, relieved. âI only knew that it was special. Not why.â
âItâs from my grandparents,â he says. âThey took me to a bunch of races when I was a kid, made me love it. My grandfather always wanted to race but never got the chance, so when I said I wanted to drive for Ferrari one day, he put me on the karting track as soon as I turned seven. They paid for everything. Got me to where I am. They bought me thisââ He touches the ring, sitting pretty in the notch between your collarbones. ââwhen I got my first seat.â
Youâre quiet for a moment. âWhy donât I ever see them at the track?â
Wonwoo shrugs. âTheyâre getting old, and travelling is hard for them, and they hate staying in hotels now. They come when they can.â
Youâre overthinking. He can see it in the way you worry your bottom lip with your teeth. Wonwoo pulls it away with his thumb, kisses soft at the dent you made there. âWould you like to invite them here in September? For the Italian Grand Prix?â
âHere?â Wonwoo canât fight the smile from his face.Â
âI have a lovely guest room,â you say.
âYou do,â he agrees, happily. Another long pause. âAre you sure?â
You nod, smiling too. âTry not to get sick of me before then?â
âI wonât,â he promises. Whispers it onto your lips, and chases it with a kiss that tastes like a promise.
You [16:15] Iâm just wearing the team shirt like always
Wonwoo [16:14] Yes but you look really nice in it. Good boobs
You [16:14] Pervert đ
Wonwoo [16:14] Missed you all day
Wonwoo [16:14] Can we get away for a few seconds? Wanna kiss you so bad
You [16:15] Sorry! Your scheduleâs jam packed and thereâs no time allotted for kissing!Â
Wonwoo [16:14] Fine.
You laugh, imagining the sullen pout fixed on his face.
Wonwoo [16:14] Can I kiss you in the paddock after the race?
You [16:15] Lol no
Wonwoo [16:15] What if I get podium?
You deliberate for a minute, because a podium is entirely possible with his skill, and the more you think about kissing him in the open, the more you donât hate the idea. Still, youâve given in to him enough lately.
The roar of engines and cheers and clapping still thrums through the concrete, vibrating under your feet long after the chequered flag waves. The crowd is a living, breathing animal, tens of thousands of voices surging in a tide of screams and applause. Wonwooâs car streaks past the chequered flag, a scarlet blur crossing into history before you even realize youâve stopped breathing. The commentary over the trackside speakers rings in your earsâ
 AND AS SEEN ON SCREEN, JEON WONWOO WINS THE GRAND PRIX! HIS SECOND WIN FOR FERRARI!
Your headset crackles with Edoardoâs elated shout, the engineers cheering, Charlesâ laughter cutting through as he takes P2 only a hair behind and congratulates his friend. The garage explodes, mechanics jumping, hugging, slapping each otherâs backs. You canât stay composed when the very air that surrounds you buzzes with electricity, happy tears prick at the corner of your eyes and you clap and cheer along with the others.Â
When the anthem plays, you watch him on the podium, hair plastered against his forehead damp with sweat. He lifts the trophy and the cameras flash, capturing him from every beautiful angle. He finds your face in the crowd and his grin spreads wide and unrestrained and proudâ the kind of smile youâve seen directed at you out here once before.
And then comes the champagne. He twists the cork, sprays the bottle wide and wild, and it arcs across Charlesâ back, into the crowd, soaking anyone lucky enough to be close. And then heâs turned again, lifting the bottle high for the cameras, glory making him shine.
When he comes down, itâs chaos. Photographers swarm, Jeonghan ushers him through in your direction, and reporters shout questions over one another. He answers most of them quick, that same smile plastered across his face. Heâs barely handed his bottle and trophy off to an intern before heâs pulling at his gloves, unfastening his suit around his collar, peeling it back from his body to reveal the tight turtleneck undershirt below. The press already know heâs been excused from post-race media, on account of his imminent flight to Seoul, but that doesnât stop them from crowding him.Â
Jeonghan is the first to pass you in the crowd, smile knowing and humorous playing on his lips. Then Mingyu, who claps you on the shoulder like a proud dad. Very odd. And then Wonwoo, whose eyes soften as he takes you in. Heâs flushed, sweat and champagne still wet on his skin, vibrating with adrenaline. Heâs beautiful. He draws you into a tight hug before you can react, one arm over your shoulder, the other slotted around your waist, and the quickened flash of cameras in your faces makes you lightheaded.Â
âGuess Iâll be seeing you,â you shout over the racket.Â
You can feel him nod. âIf you get a chance you should come join us,â he shouts back.
Youâd thought about it already, but the schedule wonât budge, so you shake your head. âJust call me when youâre back.âÂ
There are people everywhere and heâs lingering too long, holds his arms around you too long, though youâre not exactly letting go either. Fans are pressed against barricades, cameras still snapping, Jeonghan calling Wonwoo from across a sea of people that now separate the two of you from him. Youâre standing out in the open, painfully visible.Â
âWonwooââ Youâre not sure what you want to say, what you can say with all these people here. That youâre proud? That youâre sorry you wasted all that time hating each other? âCongratulations.â
His eyes search yours, dark and steady even with his chest heaving, with sweat dripping down his temple. âAre you gonna make good on your promise or what?â
And before you can think it through, before you can stop yourself, youâre reaching up to draw him in, and kiss him sweet in front of everyone.Â
Itâs not a stolen thing this time. Not a whisper in the kitchen, not a hurried press of mouths in a quiet corner of the airport lounge. Itâs full, deliberate, your hands bracing at his jaw as the world gasps and cameras click rapidfire. For half a second, he freezes. Then his hands fist in the material of your top at your back and heâs dragging you closer, kissing you back like itâs something heâs always wanted.
The crowd erupts. Someone wolf-whistles. You hear a dozen shouts in too many languages to pick out. Wonwoo pulls back, smiling so hard you want to laugh and cry at the same time. He presses his forehead to yours, breath hot, voice low enough only you can hear. âSame again next time?â
You laugh, a wet, helpless sound. âYouâre an idiot.â
But youâre smiling, wide and aching, even as presses a rough kiss against your cheek one more time and pulls away, turning toward the waiting car thatâll take him to the airport. He waves once at the crowd, at Charles calling something after him, at Edoardo giving him a proud smile and a final thumbs up. And then heâs gone, the tinted window of the black car obscuring him from view.
You stand rooted in the same spot, watching until thereâs nothing left to see. A familiar figure sidles up beside you. Edoardo, sleeves rolled, still holding the comms headset in his hand. He follows your gaze to where Wonwooâs car disappeared, then looks back at you, a sly quirk tugging at his mouth.
âYou kids figured it out, then?â he asks simply, like heâs asking about the weather.
You look at him, startled. âYou donât care?â
âWhy would I care?â His eyes are twinkling. âYou two just won me five hundred euros.â
Several hours later, youâre in a bar celebrating the double win with some of the team, and their partners. Adrienne, InĂšs and several others interrogating you about Wonwoo all night, and they squeal with laughter when you refuse to answer their drunken, lewd questions, when your face burns instead. Thankfully, youâre saved by a text from him at last.Â
Itâs a picture. A Getty photograph of the two of you in the blurred crowd, both of you smiling into the kiss. Itâs so perfect you almost want to pay the ridiculous sum to have the watermark removed and keep it framed on your nightstand. Itâs absurd, the way he changed everything you thought about him out of nowhere. A Wonwoo you once thought cold and standoffish is not that at all. Heâs sweet, and loving, and so, so warm.Â
Another text startles you out of your fuzz.
Wonwoo [00:19] We look good together, donât we?
Yes, you think, hearting his message and covering your beaming smile with your hand. You really do.Â
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Ù àŁȘâ pairing: jeon wonwoo x fem reader
Ù àŁȘâ summary: Wonwoo doesnât pay you any attention, not since you were both rookies - him on the track and you in the paddock. Youâve been at Ferrari for years, and now heâs joined the team youâre supposed to be working together, but it seems he still has that same stick up his ass whenever you have something to say.
Ù àŁȘâ genre: coworkers au. smut (eventual), angst, enemies to lovers
Ù àŁȘâ rating: explicit. minors do not interact, iâll block you.
Ù àŁȘâ chapter warnings: drinking, swearing, reader and wonwoo do not like each other, mentions of revenge p*rn (stranger vs wonwoo)
Ù àŁȘâ smut contents: brief mention of sex scene if you think iâve forgotten anything please let me know so i can fix my post!
Ù àŁȘâ wc: 9.1k
Ù àŁȘâ a/n: chapter 3 will be released 16th september.
Ù àŁȘâ written for: the Lights Out collab hosted by @camandemstudios! thank you both for letting me join in! please look out for the rest of the fics đ
missed chapter one?
Suzuka, Japan
Wonwooâs race goes poorly. Caught in the rain, heâs in P2 when heâs nearly clipped by Verstappen, Wonwoo manages to avoid the wall but he spins out onto the grass. Ends up dead last with only seven laps to go. He claws some positions back byâ quite franklyâ reckless driving, but he still only finishes P13. Charles takes second place, must make that bitter loss taste so much worse. Jeonghan catches up to him before he storms off out of view, pushes him in the direction of the cameras while you watch them from the Paddock Club.Â
Your team are playing off the loss with the sponsors. âItâs early daysâ and âeveryone loves an underdogâ and âVerstappen will have to watch his back in Bahrain.' Verstappen wonât have to watch shit. Wonwoo doesnât hold grudges for anything that happens on the track, seems heâs only held them against you, really. After a few minutes of placation, you make your excuses and head down to meet the team.Â
First, to congratulate Charles, who beams, hugs you tight and almost lifts you into the air before you shove him onto someone else with a laugh. Then to Edoardo, who is flip flopping between pride and frustration. Says heâll talk to Wonwoo later, to go over what went wrong.Â
Last, to Wonwoo, whoâs with an interviewer talking shit. You donât have to hear it, you just see it in the way Wonwooâs eyes go hard, and the way Jeonghanâs polite smile flattens.
You make it over just in time to hear Wonwoo say ââdonât think it was a strategy issue so much as conditions, and other driverâs racing styles.â
âYouâve been doing a lot more media appearances than usual. Critics are saying youâre taking on too much work, and itâs distracting you from the race. What are your thoughts on that?â
Wonwooâs eyes flit over to you, and straight back to the man holding a mic in front of his face.Â
âAre you the critic in question?â asks Wonwoo, flatly. âBecause I havenât heard anyone saying that.â
The interviewer laughs in disbelief. âNoâ Iââ
âYou donât think thatâs a stupid question?â Wonwoo asks, tilting his head to the side. âEvery driver has media obligations. The rain doesnât come down that hard just because Iâve taken a few photos.â
Jeonghan places a hand on Wonwooâs arm, smiles at the crowd of people in front of themâ âThanks for your time everyone, we need to get going nowââ and as he leads Wonwoo into the garage, you follow.Â
Once inside Jeonghan makes himself scarce and Wonwoo flops into a chair. âHere to scold me already?â He scowls. âYou canât give me a minute?âÂ
You frown. âNo. I thought you handled that fairly well, considering.âÂ
Wonwoo laughs sharp. âYouâre kidding?â
You shrug. âYou couldâve laughed it off as you said it, it would sound more friendly. But I think people like it when drivers answer ridiculous questions with a little joke. Certainly works well for Max. You did good.â
If Wonwoo is grateful for the compliment, he doesnât show it.Â
âI wanted to ask you about your trip to Seoul, after the Italian Grand Prix. How long were you planning on staying there?â
He blinks. âA week or so. Why?â
âEsquire Korea asked for an interview with you. I wanted to know if I could schedule it to coincide with your trip home. I donât want to interrupt your time off, so I could tack it on to the end of your week. What do you think?â
Wonwoo lets out a long suffering sigh, and says, âwill I have a babysitter?â
Irritation flares in your chest but you push it down. âJeonghan, probably, he has family there and I figure he wouldnât snub a paid trip to visit them.â
He sighs again. Runs a hand through his hair, damp with sweat. Itâs getting long.
âFine,â he says flatly.Â
âGood. Let InĂšs know what dates youâll be free ASAP, and Iâll finalise the details by Wednesday.â Thereâs a pause. Youâre not sure how to end this conversation. âSorry about your race.â
He pushes his tongue into the fat of his cheek. âItâs whatever.â
You donât know whatâs compelling you to stay there, to keep talking. Maybe itâs because he sounds soâ so dejected. Not that you particularly care for his feelings, given his disdain for you. But heâs still a person, and thereâs no one else around. âYouâll get them next time.â
âIâm a big boy, you know?â he says, looking up at you and raising his eyebrows. âI donât need consoling. Least of all from you.â
This, you think, is the reason people donât warm to him. Pushes a little kindness away like itâs a knife. Fuck him. Fuck him and his attitude.Â
âOf course you donât.â You smile stiffly. âSee you next week.â
âNext week?â he asks abruptly. âNot in Japan?â
âItaly, for Vanity Fair.â
Wonwoo stares at you blankly.
âMingyu okayed it. Itâs on your calendar.â
He huffs air through his nose. âFuckâ fine. Whatever.â
As you turn you have to fight the self-satisfied smile off your face.
Itâs been a busy week. Too busy, really, but you like that. Sure, youâve spent more hours than you wouldâve liked trawling the internet for a trace of Wonwooâs name tangled up in this mess with his ex, but itâs still been free of his actual presence souring your mood. Sure youâve been emailing translators (and Mingyu or Jeonghan when the time difference doesnât suit) at ridiculous hours, but stillâ a good week.Â
The problem is the pictures keep cropping up in new places. Just in the last twenty-four hours, the pictures have made their way out of obscure Korean gossip circles and into K-Pop subreddits, twitter, Tiktok, and likely soon, the news. His exâs name is everywhere, which is unfortunate, but âthe guyâ is still nameless. Thankfully, her team agreed that the best course of action would be to claim the pictures are fake, designed to embroil her group in scandal, and ruin their image of âinnocent charmâ in a bid to ruin their efforts in the charts. Despite your pushing, you havenât seen them release a statement yet. Itâs⊠frustrating, for lack of a better word.Â
Gabriella has still had no luck finding the man behind it, but she persists, and in the meantime youâd tasked Jeonghan with going back to basics with media training Wonwoo before his interview this afternoon. Youâve hardly had to speak to him at all. No luck today, though. With Mingyu on leave, Jeonghan busy with Charles, and the rest of your team tied up with the regular work of the season, supervision falls to you.
You find Wonwoo in wardrobe. Heâs frustrated, you can tell that much. The stylist heâs talking to looks equally as annoyed, looking exasperated between him and the Adidas shirt she holds in her hands.Â
âYou donât understaââ
âIs there a problem?â you ask.
Wonwoo glances at you, shoulders sagging in what almost looks like relief. âCan you explain to her that I canât wear this?â
âIâve already checkedââ she argues back. âYou arenât working with any competing brands, I donât see what the problem is.â
You stretch out your hand. âMay I see it?â
She huffs as she shoves it at you, and you turn it over. The back of it is completely open. âOh⊠I see.â
âRight,â says Wonwoo, nodding. âSo you see, I canâtââ
âNo, no. You canââ you start, and Wonwoo gapes at you. âWe just needâ excuse me?â you ask, smiling at the young intern hovering nearby. âWould you ask the make-up artist for the concealer she used on Wonwoo, please? A brush too, and some setting powder.â
She looks over at him curiously. âSure, no problem.â
To the stylist you say, âWould you mind giving us a moment, please. Heâll be ready in a few minutes.â
âGreat,â she says, before making her way toward the door. âThanks.âÂ
Once it clicks shut, you ask, âSo how big is this tattoo?â
Wonwoo leans against the wall. âSmall. It wraps around a little.â
Thereâs a knock at the door, and the intern enters with a bag that she hands to Wonwoo, and makes for the door again. You go to follow her, but Wonwoo clears his throat. âUhâ sorryââ You turn to find him looking blankly at the assistant, and then at the kit in his hands. âIâm sorry. I donât know what Iâm doing.â
She looks to you wide eyed, and you sigh. âDonât worry, Iâll sort it out. Would you mind fetching us all some coffee please?â
The door clicks shut again, and Wonwoo swallows thick. âI thought itâd be better if she helped instead.â
âThe fewer people who know about your tattoo the better.â
âRight.â
âCome on,â you say tightly. âLet's get this over with.â
Wonwoo hesitates for a beat, before shrugging his t-shirt off over his head. You donât make a show of looking, but you find yourself curious as you spot the ink curling over his ribs. It doesnât look at home there on his skin, a phrase in romantic script in a language you donât understand, her initials and a date, presumably their anniversary underneath. Maybe itâs because the rest of his body is too bare. Maybe itâs because you never pegged him as a romantic person. You swallow the lump in your throat. This is supposed to be professional. Mechanical. And here you are judging.Â
âYour definition of small seems pretty skewed,â you say dryly, reaching for the concealer to squeeze a little onto the back of your hand.Â
He doesnât rise to it. Instead, Wonwoo watches you with a guarded stillness, moving only to cross his arm loosely over his middle to keep it out of your way. You dip the brush into the concealer and step closer, the air between you tightening.
âHold still.â
His gaze flickers down as you work, feathering product over the fine black lines. His skin is cool to touch, and itâs infuriating that you notice the goosebumps raising under your fingertips.
âYou do this often?â he asks quietly.
You shoot him a sharp look. âCovering up mistakes? Constantly.â
âI meant other peopleâs make up.â The corner of his mouth twitches. âBut Is that what you think this is? A mistake?â
âIt isnât?â you counter, adding a second layer of concealer, grateful for the excuse not to meet his eyes.
Silence stretches between you, save for the whisper of the brush against his skin. Then, softer: âI donât know anymore.â
âDo you want to get back together with her?â
âNo.âÂ
âWhy not?â you murmur.Â
Thereâs a brief pause. A stilted breath. âWhy are you asking?âÂ
Your face reddens and you duck your head to concentrate on buffing powder into his side. You donât know why, really. âWeâd have to handle the situation differently, thatâs all.â The truth, sort of. âThere,â you say, stepping back once youâre sure the ink canât be seen beneath the layers. âCrisis averted.â
Wonwoo glances down at his skin, then back up at you. âThanks.â
The gratitude in his voice sits heavier than it should. You clear your throat, stuffing the brushes back into the bag. âNo need to thank me. Just make sure you donât sweat it off on camera or weâre all screwed.â
He gives a small begrudging laugh, and you hate how it makes your stomach dip.
The interview goes so much better than you expected. Half attributed to the journalistâs lighthearted interview style, and the other you can only thank Jeonghan for. You think you even saw Wonwoo smile once or twice, so you make a mental note to make Jeonghanâs birthday present really fucking expensive this year.Â
Later, youâre waiting in the lobby for your taxi when Wonwoo exits the lift. Barefaced once again, bucket hat pulled low over his eyes. You expect him to leave without a word, so you lift your hand to offer a polite wave, keep up appearances that youâre friendly now you work together, but instead heâs making his way over.Â
âI wanted toâ errâŠâ he trails off. Fiddles with the ring on his right hand.Â
âTo what?â you prompt, raising an eyebrow. The irritation is already bubbling in your chest.Â
He swallows, draws himself taller. âI wanted to say thanks again.â
You resist the urge to roll your eyes. âIt barely took a minute of my time,â you dismiss, and then after a moments thought you tack onâ âthough if you ever want to go swimming again you might want to consider laser remââ
He shakes his head. âNoâ I mean with the pictures and my ex. Mingyu said youâve been emailing him in the middle of the night, so I figured itâs been taking up more of your time than I thought it would.â
âRightâŠâ You blink. Wonwoo being concerned about your working hours enough to actually talk to you wasnât what you wouldâve ever expected. âWell itâs my job, soââ
âYeah. âCourse.â His lips flatten into a line. âAre you waiting for your driver?â
âI donât have a driver.â Your laugh almost sounds genuine, takes you a little aback. âGreen initiative, remember? Iâm on the five-ten to Modena.â
Wonwoo opens his mouth for a second, then clamps it shut. Nods. You shift your bag higher on your shoulder, expecting that to be the end of it, but he lingers, rubbing his thumb against the silver band on his finger.
âIâm⊠driving that way,â he says finally, each word clipped, almost like he has to force them out. âEdoardo wants me in Imola tomorrow morning. More test runs. Modenaâs on the way.âÂ
You look at him, caught between surprise and suspicion. âAnd?â
His gaze flicks past you, to the doors opening and closing with the lobbyâs steady stream of people heading home after a long day at work. He exhales, sharp. âDo you want a lift?â
The way he says it, you almost expect him to retract the offer before you can answer. Gentlemanly, but reluctant. Merely obligation, no generosity in it.Â
âThatâs unnecessary,â you reply, slow. âI already booked my ticket, and I can work from the train.â
âI know.â His jaw tightens. âJust thought I should offer.â
It hangs there, heavy, awkward, a tie knotted too tight. You wait, but he doesnât add anything. Doesnât soften. Just stands there, tall and stiff, like heâs fulfilling some duty carved into his bones.
ââŠSure,â you say at last, because anything else feels too unnatural. âThanks anyway.â
Wonwoo nods once, curt. Still, he lingers.
âYes?â you prompt again.
He sighs. âMingyu said I should apologise.â
âOh.â Unexpected.Â
âHe said Iâve been rude, and you donât deserve it, and youâre just trying to do your job.â The words sound rehearsed, rushed. Not an apology youâll accept.Â
âSo do you need me to call Mingyu, then?â
He stares at you, confused. âFor what?â
You tilt your head to the side, smile big and fake. âTo apologise for you.â
His sniffs, annoyed, scrunches up his nose. God, you do enjoy pissing him off. Â
âMâsorry,â he says, so low you barely catch it.
âSay again? Didnât hear you.â
âFuckâs saââ He clears his throat. His whole face is flushed with indignation. âI said Iâm sorry.â
You have to make a real effort to stop the shit-eating grin from taking over your face, and itâs only then that Wonwoo meets your eyes. For once, for the first time nearly a decade, he holds.Â
âAre you happy now?â he asks, under his breath. âAre you satisfied?â
âNever,â you mutter, under yours. And then you catch sight of the taxi pulling up outside. âThatâs my ride.â
And then he surprises you againâ picks up the laptop bag at your feet and heads straight through the automatic doors. It takes you a second to get your brain into gear to chase him out. By the time you reach him, heâs already pulling open the car door and stepping back to hold it for you.
You narrow your eyes at him, snatch your bag from his hands. âI can carry my own things, Wonwoo.â
âI was helping,â he retorts.
This is strange. This isnât the Wonwoo youâve had to spend all these weeks with. Suddenly wanting to be helpful out of the blue.Â
âIf I wanted your help, Iâd ask for it,â you snap. âDonât touch my stuff.âÂ
His eyebrows furrow, the flush of annoyance patching up his neck. âOkay. Fine, I wonât get in your way again.â
âGood!â
âGreat!â
You slide into the backseat, and Wonwoo slams the car door behind you. You donât see him storm off, but you catch the way the taxi driversâ eyes follow him in the mirror, and after a moment he turns to you and asks excitedly, âQuellâuomo era Jeon Wonwoo?â
âSĂŹ, signore.â
He gasps. âĂ il tuo ragazzo?â
âNo, Ăš il mio collega.â
He gasps again, louder, this time. âFerrari?â
âSĂŹ, signore.â
And so your fifteen minutes of quiet is lost to fast paced conversation about cars, and racing, and drivers youâd rather not think about.
Wonwoo takes his first podium of the year. Third place, Charles in first. The cheers from the garage are deafeningâ the crew run out to meet them both, tear them into hugs. You hang back in favour of sending Jeonghan into the fray. With Wonwoo this happy, thereâs nothing to worry about when it comes to post-race media, because the smile splits his face wide, and his laughter bubbles out of him when he speaks, and anyone can see that thereâs nothing that suits him more.Â
Itâs a crying shame youâll have to wipe it off him, later tonight.
Thereâs a video.Â
One Gabriella says is unmistakably him. Still no face, but his voice, and the ring he wears on his right hand is enough of a giveaway. âIt hardly matters about the tattoo at this point,â sheâd said. Once again, you havenât looked. The signal notification scorches a mark into your phone, but there itâll stay until Wonwoo can watch it for himself.Â
You and Jeonghan decide to wait until after the press commitments before pulling him away from the paddock, to drag him away early after his first podium with Ferrari would only raise concerns, and the last thing youâd want on a night like this is to draw prying eyes. Keep him happy, keep him talking, for once.Â
Later, you find him in the garage. Heâs laughing with Charles, his girlfriend, Adrienne, and some of the engineersâ his beer hardly touched. Most of the group meets you with big smiles or celebratory hugs, and Wonwoo must be beyond happy with his race because his smile doesnât drop even a little. He even nods in greeting. Adrienne pulls you into conversation, gushes over the anniversary gift you sent them, and Charles joins in, says his mother was asking after you.Â
âOh I hope Moniqueâs well too!â you exclaim. âIâve been trying that recipe she sent me and I still canât get it right, but tell her to come for dinner during the summer break if sheâs in the area, and Iâll make her something edible.â
Charles grins, says, âIâm sure sheâd love to.â
One of the engineers, Paulo, offers you a beer from the coolbox but you shake your head.
âSorry guys, I need to talk to Wonwoo for a minute.â
His face falls. âIt canât wait?â
Charles and the others look between you with curiosity. âNo, we need to go over some changes for tomorrow morning.â
He frowns, puzzled. âItâs my day off.âÂ
You offer a terse smile, and Charles catches it. Knows somethingâs up that you canât say in front of others because God, heâs been on the receiving end too, once or twice.Â
âWeâre heading out anyway, right, Adrienne?â
She nods, a proud, winning smile plastered on her faceâ links her fingers with his and offers swift goodbyes before pulling him out into the night. Theyâre sweet, those two. The engineers quickly say their goodbyes too, when you lead Wonwoo into a small room and shut the door behind you.Â
âAre you micâd?â you say, as you sit down.
Wonwoo swallows thick as he follows suit. âNo.â
âYou shouldâve warned me there was a video,â you mutter. âWeâre working on burying it, but we canât guarantee it wonât be picked up or sent to anyone weâre not able to handle.â He ashens when you slide your phone across the table, with the Signal notification there waiting. âIs it you?â
His hands shake as he presses play, and you only wished youâd turned down the volume first. Itâs only fourteen (awfully, agonisingly long) seconds, but itâs obscene. Panted breaths, the slap of wet skin, a whispered jagiya (hers), a desperate groan (his). You shift uncomfortably in your seat, swallow your surprise, and press your hand to your cheek in a desperate bid to cool the heat building there.Â
âYou want to tell me what the hell you were thinking?â Your voice comes out harsher than you intend. He flinches.Â
âI didnâtâ GodâIâŠâ he trails off, dragging a hand through his hair. âWe were twenty-two, for fucks sake. It was supposed to be for us.â
âLook, nobody here gives a damn if you fuck someone, but youâre the one who got into a secret relationship,â you snap. âThis could be an easy fix if youâd let us work the angle right.â
His eyes narrow. âWhat do you mean?â
âTake ownership. Say you had a girlfriend and itâs all in the past. And this is embarrassing but who doesnât have videos of themselves with their long term partner? This isnât career-ending for you.âÂ
âIt would be for her.â Heâs shaking his head. âI canât do that.âÂ
You press on. âHer team is insisting we ignore it completely. They havenât even put out a statement and quite frankly theyâre grossly mismanaging everything. Do you have any idea how hard it is to spin that into something salvageable now thereâs a video like that?â
He looks up at you, eyes wide. âHave you seen it?â
âNo,â you sputter. You heard plenty. âGod no. I donât want to.â
âWhy? Most people in the press wouldâve.â
âIâm not in the press. Not anymore,â you retort, defensive. âWhy do you care?â
âWanted to know if Iâd still be able to look you in the eye.â
The bitter laugh falls out of you before you can stop it. âYou hardly look at me anyway.â
Wonwooâs jaw ticks. âRight. Yeah. Sure.â
âI need you to stop wearing that ring.âÂ
He levels you with a look. âAbsolutely not.â
You huff air through your nose. âIf you continue to wear it youâre more likely to get noticed while people try to figure this out. Donât be stupid, Wonwoo.âÂ
That makes him pause. His mouth opens, then shuts again. After a beat, he says quietly, âItâs important to me. If I take it off on the road, Iâll lose it.â
You grit your jaw in annoyance. Shit, you could fucking shake him. Rub at your neck and still your hand over the chain you disturb there. And then youâre unclasping your necklace, and Wonwoo, quick on the uptake, removes his ring and hands it to you, watches as you slip the chain through the band. And when you attempt to hand it to him, he draws his hands into his lap, and says, âOhâ I thought you were gonna wear it.âÂ
âJust tuck it under your shirt.â
âItâs your necklace.â
âItâs your ring,â you deadpan.
He shrugs, leans back in his chair and crosses his arms in defiance. You scowl.Â
âFor fucks sake, Wonwoo,â you hiss, slipping the necklace back around your neck, and tucking the ring out of sight under your collar.Â
Sweat slick skin, the scent of something woody and atmospheric, touches that make you lightheaded. Itâs not anger that simmers in your body but want. Heâs between your legs, face pressed to your skin, face shrouded by dark, messy hair. He lifts his chin, meets your eyes across your body, pushes long fingers into yourâ
You wake with a start, alone in your hotel room. Skin sticky and cheeks flushed. It takes a second for the dream to come back to you in your foggy, sleep-addled state, but when it does your stomach twists, water-brash in your mouth. Thereâs no meaning in it, surely? Itâll just be because the sound from that fucking video wonât leave your brain, right? You push yourself up in bed, check the timeâ 2:41am. Your alarm will go off in twenty minutes anyway, might as well finish packing your suitcase and do your best to put your dream at the very back of your mind.
Youâve got the aisle spot, as always. Business class this time instead of first. The flight out of Bahrain is early enough that the plane is filled with the exhausted hush the team. Wonwoo boards late, hood up, headphones looped around his neck, glasses slipping down his nose. You watch him look for his seat number, hoping to the heavens and back that itâs not the empty one right next to your seat. But fate (or rather poor InĂšs being lumbered with logistics for half the team) has a cruel sense of humor, because right beside you is where he comes to a halt. If he offers you a passing glance as he opens the overhead locker, you refuse to notice, because youâre boring a hole into the page of your book.Â
âExcuse me,â he says, sounding as tired as you feel. You tuck your legs to the side, push back in your seat as hard as you can to allow him the biggest gap to get through. He shifts past to slump into his seat and you catch itâ a waft of his cologneâ smoky and sweet and woody. Catapults you right back to your hotel room, and you shift in your seat. Your skin feels all prickly and hot.Â
Once heâs buckled himself in, you expect him to pull his headphones on as he usually does, but in your peripherals you catch him looking at you curiously, and after a second, he leans over the armrest. âWhat are you reading?â
You glare at him. Flash him the cover (The Hypocrite, by Jo Hamya) and Wonwoo laughs, at what you donât know. Or care, even!Â
âAre you annoyed with me already?â he asks quietly, brows pinching together.Â
âI just want to read,â you mutter, and you donât wait for Wonwooâs reply before you jab at the button to raise the privacy screen between your chairs, and he has to jolt out of the way.
An hour or so later, when youâre in the air and the wifi isnât cutting out, you get an email from InĂšs.Â
Hope youâre travelling safe!
We received the clips and interview (see attached) from Esquire late last night and they want your approval before pushing it to print.Â
InĂšs CarvahloExecutive Assistant to Head of Communications
You type back your thanks and make sure to include a PS that says âJesus Christ, InĂšs, just because I work crazy hours doesn't mean you have to as well. Please get some sleep for the rest of us!!!â before clicking on the attachments.Â
The interview comes out as you expect, knowing Bridget and her work like the back of your hand. And the pictures⊠wellâ he looks incredible. Which you suppose isnât too difficult a task.Â
You knock on the privacy screen, and a moment later you hear him press the button to bring it down. Heâs taken his hood down, and his hair is messy from sleep. Heâs looking at you half-surprised, half expectant, and pales when you pass him your phone.
âNothing to worry about this time. They want my approval for the Esquire interview.â
He stares at you. âDo you usually get approval?â
You laugh. âNo. Itâs only because Bridget loves me.â Wonwoo doesnât reply. âDo you want to read it? Tell me what you think?â
âDoes it even matter what I think?â
You shrug. âSure, it should feel authentically you.â
âNothing about this shit feels authentically me,â he murmurs, but he takes your phone in his hand anyway, and you absolutely do not think about the way his fingers brush yours.Â
Youâve been fighting a bug for the last two days. This morning, it got the better of you. Itâs not often youâre affected by the exhaustion of travel, but there's more on your plate than usual, and so youâre watching the race while holed up in your hotel room, thanking God that Jeonhan can handle your duties while spreading out his own to the rest of the team.Â
Races always have you holding your breath at parts, but the Chicane always makes your stomach twist. Lap seven, and theyâre already playing a game of chicken, and your heart is in your throat. Lap forty-two, and tensions are too high. Fernando goes into the back of Charles, and both go slamming into the wall in a blur. Wonwoo is alongside them, and narrowly escapes unscathed. You canât breathe, the anxiety not at all helping the ache in your body for what feels like an age before the safety car comes out, and the news comes through that everyone is okay. Charles is out of the race, but once the debris is cleared, Wonwoo has the advantage. With bated breath you watch, enraptured, cradling your increasingly sore stomach in your arms, but he wins, and you can release the tension in your chest. Wonwoo takes P1.
God, he looks so happy. Heâs almost barreled to the ground with the weight of the team, you see Jeonghan and Mingyu clapping him on the back, and heâs scanning the crowd, looking for Edoardo, or Charles, maybe, but canât find them. Heâs whispering something in Jeonghan's ear, and Jeonghanâs shaking his head back, and then the screen clicks back to the highlight reel. You turn off the TV after a few minutes, overcome with a wave of nausea, and you send a mass congratulations text to the team while laying on the bathroom floor.Â
The clock reads 11:37pm when youâre woken from a restless sleep by rapid knocking at your door. You stumble across your room and look through the peephole to see Wonwoo, slumping against the opposite wall, in a baggy black t-shirt, Ferrari-issued bomber jacket, and jeans. Heâs got a bag in his hand.Â
You rub your eyes as you open the door, and the smell of liquor hits you immediately. It turns your stomach. âShitâ how drunk are you?â
Wonwoo laughs lazily. âA lot. They took me out to celebrate. You didnât come.â
You fail to get his point. Stand in the open doorway and cross your arms. âDid you lose your room or something?â
âJeonghan said youâre sick,â he slurs.Â
âIâm fine,â you lie, while it feels like your skull is being pierced.Â
âBrought you soup.â
You blink. âYâ you what?â
âSoup,â he repeats, thrusting the bag he holds into your hands.Â
This feels like it should be a practical joke you donât understand. You peer down the hallway, wondering if youâll spot some other drivers with cameras in their hands, jeering and teasing. Itâs empty, save for Wonwoo and his bag.Â
You take it from him cautiously, briefly wondering if heâs poisoned it.
âAre you wearing my ring?âÂ
You reach up, pluck out the chain from beneath the collar of your pyjamas to show him the ring dangling from it, before saying, âIâm wearing my necklace.â
âDo you even know what that ring means to me?â he murmurs.Â
Wonwoo has always been hard to read, but with his eyes locking yours, a line of sweat beading on his forehead, lips parted in that pretty way he does for photographs, you find yourself even more bewildered, and completely lost for words.Â
âI hardly know anything about you,â you breathe.
âCan I coââ he starts, but then he goes positively grey, and his chin drops. Fucking hell.
âJesus, Wonwoo, are you going to be sick?â
He nods, clasping a hand over his mouth, and youâre ushering him into your bathroom just in time for him to vomit in the same toilet you had your head in not three hours ago. You pour him a glass of water and leave it on the counter while you retrieve your phone from the nightstand.Â
You [11:39] Come get Wonwoo, please. Room 503.
Mingyu [11:40] WHAT
Mingyu [11:40] Sorry. Be there in fifteenÂ
Mingyu knocks gently on your door in twelve minutes, breathless and red faced. The poor guy mustâve sprinted here from the bar.Â
âIâm so sorry,â he whispers, as you let him inside and show him to the bathroom, where Wonwoo is falling asleep with his head tipped back against the wall. âHe said he had to do somethingâ we all thought he was just at his limit and wanted to go sleep it off.â
âHow does he even know my room number?â
âOhâ heâs only a few doors down,â Mingyu says indifferently, bending to pull Wonwoo up. Wonwoo groans as heâs jostled about. âHe probably saw you.â
âRight.â
Wonwooâs head lolls to the side, but Mingyuâs got him. Half carries, half drags him from your room and then stops just outside your doorway.Â
âSorry,â he says. âCan you get his key from his pocket? And grab the door for me?â
âUhââ Shit. âYeah, sure.â
You slip your hand in his jacket pockets first, find nothing but his phone. You check to make sure heâs still got his eyes closed before you pat down his jean pockets for anything that resembles a wallet and you find it in his back pocket. You fish it out, find his card and rush to open the door Mingyu directs you to. He dumps Wonwoo on the bed without ceremony, and starts pulling off his shoes.Â
âIs he okay?â you ask, hovering awkwardly in the doorway.
Mingyu laughs, tossing one shoe on the floor before untying the other. âHeâs fine, heâs just not used to drinking.â
It really shouldnât matter. It shouldnât matter that Wonwoo, who hates you, got drunk as shit celebrating his first win and left his team early to show up at your door with food. Nothing makes sense when your head is pounding like this.Â
âIâm gonna take his jeans off now,â warns Mingyu.
âRight. Yeah,â you blurt, heat creeping up your cheeks. âGoodnight, Mingyu.â
Back in the quiet relief of your room, you open the container. Chicken noodle, still hot. You skipped everything but a few plain crackers for breakfast, and now your body cries out for sustenance. You eat faster than you should, thoughts of Wonwoo only returning when your spoon scrapes the bottom of the takeout pot. Why was he even thinking of you? In the bathroom you brush your teeth, wash your face with cool water in the sink, and level yourself with a look in the mirror. Itâs just food. It doesnât mean anything. Get a grip. His ring dangles from the chain around your neck, mocking you.
In bed, you agonise over texting him. If you should ask why he came, if you should bring up what he said about his ring. Ask what it means. In the end you settle for:
You [00:23] Thanks for dropping off the soup.
Youâre laying on a bed, sheets mussed with sleep. Youâre resting your head in his lap, and heâs toying with the chain around your neck. Moves his hand down your body soft soft soft. Says he thinks of you. Makes you burn.
You stare at the message, because yeah, youâd be embarrassed too. And he should be, showing up to your hotel room like that, in the middle of the night as drunk as he was. Itâs a wonder he had the nerve to text you back at all, because you certainly wouldnât have. But he brought you soup. Because he heard you were sick. And despite rotting in bed for ages wondering why on earth why heâd do that for you, you canât settle on anything, other than it being pretty nice.Â
Youâre starting to suspect this gym-instructor ex-boyfriend of Wonwooâs ex-girlfriend doesnât actually exist because why the fuck can no one find a shred of information on him? You say as such to Gabriella, and she gives you a look that says sheâs been wondering the same. Wonwoo is in France for a few days, working on possible brand ambassadorships, and Jeonghan is keeping you in the loop as best he can. After the incident at the hotel, youâve decided to keep your distance where you can. The problem is any time youâre on the same flight, youâre seated together. And lately Wonwoo has been trying to talk to you. Itâs a little unnerving, after years of flopping between clipped responses and radio silence.Â
Youâre shut away in your office most of the week, catching up with sponsors, signing off on events, attempting to keep up with the media. Youâre on hold again with the ex-girlfriendâs label. Theyâve been avoiding yours and Gabriellaâs calls for the last two weeks, and it looks like theyâre palming you off again and pretending no-one is available. Youâre on minute thirteen when your personal phone starts buzzing on the desk. You press mute on your work phone before you pick up.Â
âIâm calling about a video,â says Bridget. Sheâs whispering. âThereâs a rumour going around that itâs your driver, and I must say, if so, itâs a very flattering light.â
Oh God. Your heart is in your throat. âBridget. Bridgetâ listen to me. You canât print anything about thisââ
âAnd I wonât, came straight to you. Youâre lucky it wasnât picked up by our editor. Iâm assuming you want this buried?â
You heave a long-suffering sigh. âHave I told you I love you lately?â
âNowhere near enough, darling.â She hums, happy. âThere is something you can do for me thoughââ
âUh ohââ
She cackles. Your evil, delightful friend cackles while youâre pulling out your hair. âNothing awful. Can you get us in the Paddock Club in Miami?â
âWhoâs us?â
âIâve started seeing someone,â she whispers excitedly. âAnd he has this huge mancrush on Carlos Sainzââ
Itâs your turn to laugh then. âNo problem. Iâll have two passes sent over this afternoon.â
âOh youâre a sweetheart!â
âDonât attempt flattery when Iâve just been bribed,â you say, smiling into the receiver. âYouâll come meet me for dinner while weâre there? Let me meet him?â
âOf course, of course!â
Youâre interrupted by the sound of the hold music coming to an abrupt halt, and you say quick goodbyes to Bridget only to be told, once again, that the manager you requested is unavailable.
Later, you have a stream of emails from publications with less integrity (or more, depending on how you look at it) anyway, asking for confirmation, asking for a statement from Ferrari, and Mingyu calls you at one AM in a panic, having had the same.
The next few days are occupied by fielding calls from the media, an official statement on both Wonwooâs personal social media accounts, and Ferrariâs, and a press conference, where Wonwoo was flanked by both you and Gabriella. The agreed stance is as follows:
The photos and video were taken by Wonwoo and his now ex-partner, several years ago.Â
It was a loving relationship, and the video and photos were taken consensually.
No, you will not confirm or deny if the other party is a member of a well known K-pop group.
Legal action will be taken against the person responsible for releasing them, and the police are involved.
There have been countless angry messages and emails from the exâs management company (InĂšs has been keeping a tally for you) but with the Miami Grand Prix looming, there simply hasnât been time for you to get back to them. Hahaha. Jeonghan is holding fort in Maranello with Gabriela, acting as a translator between her and South Korean police, while you catch yet another flight sitting next to Wonwoo.Â
Itâs past midnight, and heâs already asleep by the time you board and slip your bag into the overhead locker. The trouble with ITA airways is that thereâs no privacy doors, so working on sensitive issues is pretty much impossible with all the eyes around you. And so, unable to work and unable to get into the book you brought, you settle in to sleep too.Â
Whispers surround you. Youâre clapped on the back by older reporters, jeering and saying âsaw your article! arenât you brave!â You can smell the meanness, the condescension on them. Theyâre like your dad, and the last thing you ever want to be. When the drivers come out into the paddock, youâre recognised for once. You draw scowls and side eyes from the PR managers, and tight, fake smiles from the drivers. Hardly any of them give you more than five words. And then comes Wonwoo, who you wronged, and who wonât talk to you at all. The memory morphs. Instead of biting remarks in your voice recorder youâre calling out, right there in front of everyone, saying youâre sorry.
It feels surreal, to wake from yet another dream about Wonwoo only to find him right next to you, turned on his side in his chair and scrolling on his phone, the reflection of Tiktok in his glasses. You rub the sleep from your eyes, and he looks up.Â
âMorning,â he whispers. The lights are still out, and you check your watch to see youâve only been in the air for five hours. âYouâve been talking in your sleep again.â
His thumb pauses scrolling for the briefest of moments. âWork, I guess. Couldnât really hear.â
God, you should catch up on what you missed while you were sleeping. You pull your laptop from the bag under your seat and Wonwoo rolls his eyes. âDo you ever stop working?â
You huff a laugh under your breath. âWhat would I do instead?â
He locks his phone, drops it into his lap. âPlay a game, listen to music, read a book,â he offers. âYou always have a book when we fly, where is it?â
You shrug. âI didnât like this one so much.â
âIâd offer you mine but itâs something else I saw you read before.â In the semi-darkness you swear you can almost see him smiling. Your stomach twists.
âWork it is then,â you say, grinning fake, tapping your laptop awake.Â
âWhat about a movie?â he counters.Â
âAnd waste thirty minutes going through all the options only to find nothing I want to see?â you mutter, typing in your password. âNo thank you.â Wonwoo stares at you for a moment. âWhat?â
He blinks, setting his jaw. âNothing. Doesnât matter.â
The good newsâ the weather is beautiful as it usually is in Miami, your schedule is clear for the rest of the afternoon, and your hotel has a rooftop pool.
The bad newsâ the bikini your assistant back home packed for you is hardly your swimsuit of choice for a work trip. This was one youâd bought a few years back, one your then boyfriend complained was too small.Â
You pull it on anyway. At least itâs red. You throw over a loose t-shirt and a pair of shorts, debate with yourself about leaving your work phone in the room, before slotting it in your bag and making your way upstairs.Â
The view is something else. The bustle of the city feels far away up here, and you order a glass of wine at the bar before settling in on a sun lounger. Itâs so quiet, with hardly anyone poolside on a midweek afternoon. You slip off your t-shirt, prop yourself up on your elbows on your front, and pull out the book youâve barely had the chance to get into.Â
An hour goes by, and youâre on your second glass of wine, and waiting for your food to arrive. Another, and youâre growing tempted to ignore the occasional buzz from your phone and youâre ordering another glass. By hour three, your book is tucked away, your shorts are shed too, and youâre slipping into the pool. You dip under the surface, let the water rush over your head, let your body drift of its own accord.Â
After a moment you break to tread water, find yourself a few metres away from where you entered, wipe the droplets from your face, and itâs then you hear them on the other side of the pool. A bunch of drivers with wide smilesâ Charles and Carlos calling your name, Pierre, Alex, and Yuki who wave you over, and Wonwoo, who looks like all the air has been sucked out of his chest. There goes your relaxing afternoon. But to avoid him would be to draw speculation, and that wonât do in front of drivers from other teams, so you swim over. The water isnât as deep over here, but you still have to push up from the tips of your toes in order to cross your arms over the coping and rest your chin on them.Â
âHi guys,â you say with a smile. âEnjoying your evening?â
âMore so now youâre here,â says Carlos, with an exaggerated, ridiculous wink.
You laugh. âDonât flirt with me, darling, I couldnât take you breaking my heart again.â
Carlos clutches his chest. âIâd never, never break your heart.â
âYou already did!â you gasp.Â
âWhen?â
âRemember two years ago? The Constructors' Championship win?â Charles says, and youâre grinning, already knowing where heâs going. âYou called the cake she made for the team ugly.â
âYou made that atrocious thing?â Carlosâ eyes go wide. âWell now Iâm embarrassed.â
You splash water on him and he yelps. The others are laughing, but Wonwoo doesnât. His eyes flit back and forth between you, watching carefully.
âAnd Iâll never make a cake again!â
âIf itâs any consolation it tasted great.â He laughs when you give him a look. âNo, really!â
âHmm,â you say, suppressing your laugh. âYou know slandering my cake is why you lost your seat, right?â Carlos pretends to look wounded.Â
The conversation moves easily, even with Wonwoo keeping quiet. Alex and Pierre seem to notice that he isnât joining in, that his friendly demeanour has suddenly and obviously shifted into something charged, but they donât mention it aloud, just exchange quizzical looks, as they take in the way Wonwoo diverts his attention anywhere but your face when you speak.Â
âWeâre gonna grab drinks,â says Charles. âDo you want anything?â
âNo, thanks,â you say, smiling up at them. âGonna swim.â
âAre we still on for tomorrow?â Carlos asks you.Â
âMeet you downstairs at seven?âÂ
The rest of the guys exchange looks.
âWhatâs tomorrow?â Alex asks.
Carlos waggles his eyebrows. âItâs a date.â
You sigh. âWeâre going to surprise my friendâs new boyfriend at dinner,â you explain. âHeâs a big fan of Carlos, for some reason.âÂ
With that the group say quick goodbyes. You wish them well for the media day tomorrow and they filter away, but Wonwoo hangs back, tells them he doesnât feel like drinking tonight. Heâs still avoiding your eye, so you push off from the edge and make to turn but heâs suddenly calling you back, voice sharp. You give him a bemused look, but heâs already casting his eyes downward, plucking at a hangnail on his thumb.Â
âYouâre wearing your necklace.â
Ah. Fuck. You hadnât even thought about taking it off, considering youâre not likely to be caught in any photographs off the paddock, even less in the comfort of your hotel.Â
âShit. Sorry,â you say. âI didnât think.âÂ
âI guess it doesnât matter now.â He pauses. âDo you think I could take off my shirt?â
You blanche. âWhy would you do that?â
âTo swim,â he laughs.
âOh. Yeah. I suppose youâre right, no need to hide anymore.â
And even though itâs perfectly normal, that no one would think anything of someone pulling their t-shirt off in order to swim, you still avert your eyes when you catch sight of his bare skin. You turn away, swimming off to put plenty of space between you.Â
The water is cooler at this end of the pool, refreshing against your skin. You kick lazily, roll onto your back, watch the way the sky casts pink and orange until your chest loosens again. The murmur of voices from the bar drifts, but soon itâs only the rhythm of your own breathing.
A ripple of water breaks the quietâ Wonwoo sliding into the pool. You glance once, then deliberately away, but he doesnât retreat to a corner. He follows. For a while, neither of you speak. You swim laps, he mirrors. A strange, wordless competition. Kick, glide, breathe, repeatâ until your body begins to ache, lungs burning, both of you too stubborn to be the first to stop.
Eventually you canât hold it anymoreâ you surface with a gasp, dragging in lungfuls of humid air. You rest your arms on the coping, lean your forehead against your hands. Wonwoo surfaces a beat after, hair plastered to his skin, chest heaving. Instead of giving you space he draws closer, crowding you against the tile.
His eyes search yours, fierce and unsteady. âWhatâs your problem with me?â
The question cuts deeper than you expect. You blink, caught off guard, words tangling in your throat. He presses on, voice rough with exertion and something sharper.
âEveryone seems to love you,â he says, voice barbed. âYou buy them gifts. You tell off your staff for working a fraction as hard as you do. You have peopleâs families over for dinner. You make cakes for your team. You laugh so nice with everyone you meet.â He pauses to heave a sigh. And then quieter, gentlerâ âNot a single person has a bad word to say about you.â
You scoff. âYouâre saying it like itâs a bad thing.â
âYou donât treat me like that.âÂ
Heat flares in your body. âIâ what are you talking about?â you whisper, turning your face away. The other drivers keep glancing over.Â
âYouâre all smiles for everyone but me. Any time you see me your face drops. What did I do to you?âÂ
âNothing. Itâs just different,â you hiss.Â
âHow is it different?â he snaps.
You look at him, wild eyed. âBecause you donât like me!âÂ
Thereâs a long, horrible silence. Droplets of water bead down his face. âI liked you,â he says, low. âBack when we first met. I liked you a lot.â
The admission hangs heavy between you. He liked you. Liked, past tense. Your breath wonât settle, because of the swim you put it down to, not from the proximity of his chest against your side.Â
âThen I hated you. And now I donât know what to think.â
You donât know what to say, how to untangle what he meansâ or what he wants from you in this moment. So you just hold yourself against the tile, staring at each other, while the setting sun bathes your faces in golden light, and the silence between you becomes charged enough to crack.Â
His eyes flick over to the bar, watching the other drivers drink and talk. âDo you like Carlos?â
âNo!â Your incredulous laugh is sharp. âWhat?â
âHe has a crush on you.â
âHeâs like that with everyone. Fuck, he flirts with Charles more than he does with me.â Heat creeps up your chest. Indignation orâ âFor Godâs sake, Wonwoo, even if he does itâd be none of your fucking business anyway.â
You heave yourself out of the water, not caring even a little bit that youâre splashing him as you go. You storm over to your sun lounger and towel off as quickly as you can manage, gather up with your things and make your way to the elevator.Â
You jab the down button, jaw so tight it aches, towel wrapped tight around your body. The elevator doors slide open and you step inside, relief already cooling the fire in your chestâ until a wet slap of bare feet echoes behind you. Wonwoo slips in just as the doors close, dripping water across the floor, hair still soaking, sticking to his temples.
âAre you serious?â you all but shout. âYouâre getting water everywhere. Do you have any consideration at all?â
He ignores the rebuke, leans past you, and presses a random buttonâ twenty-something, you donât even clock which. The elevator hums into motion.
âGive it back,â he says, voice low, rough. You frown. âMy ring.â His gaze drops pointedly to your chest, where the thin chain glints on your damp skin. âI want it back.â
Anger sparks hot and quick. âOh now you want it back? No âthanks for looking after itâ? No gratitude?â
His jaw ticks, moves closer to crowd you against the wall, and you draw yourself up to your full height. âItâs mine.â
âFine,â you hiss, dropping your things to the floor without a thought, fingers flying up to your neck only to fumble with the clasp. âFuck you, Wonwoo. Take your fucking riââ
You can barely get it off you before he closes the little space between your bodies. His hands frame your face, damp and desperate, and you freeze, words dying on your lips. Against your better judgment, you donât push his hands away. Against your better judgement, you hold your breath and wait for his next move. Against your better judgement, your hands fall to his waist. And like before, goosebumps rise on his skin under your touch.Â
âIââ he whispers, breath fanning across your lips. âI think I wantââ
The ding of the elevator snaps the moment in half. You shove at his chest, stumbling away, mouth dry, towel half-slipping down. The doors open onto a pair of startled hotel guests who take in the sceneâ your flushed face, his lack of a shirt, your chests heaving in sync.
Humiliation crashes over you. You scramble to gather your things from the floor, duck your head, and push past them into the hallway without a word. Youâre on the wrong fucking floor, but no matter, you just need to be alone.Â
Behind you, Wonwoo doesnât follow. Just stands there, water dripping to his feet, eyes on you like he canât quite believe what just happened either.
part two âą series masterlist âą part three âą part four
đ 18+, minors DNI đš minors and blank blogs will be blocked
đïžđš Brought to you by @camandemstudios' Lights Out Collab
As his race engineer, youâve spent five amazing years guiding McLaren superstar, Joshua Hong, to victory after victory. But in that fifth year, you learn something horrifying about yourself: youâve fallen in love with your driver. Youâre not willing to let your heart get in the way of everything youâve worked for, so you do the one thing you know is guaranteed to keep both of your careers safe: you leave.
Two years later, Joshua inadvertently comes crashing back into your life with an announcement that rocks the F1 world. Before you know it, youâre on his doorstep with an offer you know he wonât be able to refuse, ready to guide him back to where he needs to beâone last time.
â« Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now Starship
F1 GLOSSARY FOR THIS FIC
PAIRING: joshua x fem!reader
WC: 17.7k / 93.9k (complete)
TAGS: coworkers to best friends to ??? (tags for whole fic can be found on part one of this series or on the series masterlist)
SMUT TAGS: unprotected piv, sex on the hood of a car, workplace sex, clothed sex bc thereâs something very sexy to me about needing someone so bad you canât even be bothered to get naked, hickies, doggy style, cream pie, honestly itâs kinda quick bc i wanted this to be i-just-need-you-so-bad-rn sex
A/N: oops, y'all had A TIME with the way part 2 ended hahaha. smut is marked at the start and end, but as with all my nsfw fics, this is a consideration for adults who are not interested in reading sexually explicit material. minors should still not be reading/interacting. a special thank you to @aeristudios, @miniseokminnies, @100vern, @heartepub, @imnotshua, @mylovesstuffs, @hannieoftheyear, @wqnwoos, @gyuswhore, and @sailorsoons for letting me use their usernames in this :) and an extra thanks to hali for coming up with the idea of the restoration project being a little jokey joke traitor situation hehe OK ENJOY!
BRITISH GRAND PRIX 2021 POST-RACE INTERVIEW
âDo you have anything to say about the rumors that you and your race engineer are romantically involved?â
âUm. Sorry, Iâthe rumors that⊠me and myâthat Y/N and I⊠sorry, what?â
âOh my god.â
âOh my god?â you repeat after Wonwoo as you both watch the TV from the paddocks.Â
A handful of people already had their eyes on you before that question dropped, having recognized you as Joshua Hongâs race engineer. Now that youâre apparently Joshua Hongâs âromantically involvedâ race engineer, everyone is looking at youâsome with their phones out, shamelessly filming your reaction. You quickly school your face. You knew it was a mistake going to the general area to watch Joshuaâs post-race interviews, but no, Wonwoo needed a break from the very safe, very private garage. So here you are, being gawked at like an animal in the zoo, while you fidget on a stool thatâs making your ass hurt, at a highboy table that wonât fit more than Wonwooâs sad basket of nachos.
Rumors have been circulating that you and your race engineer are romantically involved, having been spotted out getting dinner on numerous occasions. The journalist (if you can even call him that) looks down at his notes as he speaks. Your radio transmissions are also constantly going viral; even non-F1 fans enjoy them. Everyone loves your chemistry. Do you care to comment on that?
Your driver has the most bewildered look on his quickly reddening face as he stammers through his non-answer. Um, I, uhâŠ
You canât even blame Joshua for being as flustered as he is. You feel a little guilty he has to answer it at all because you know it has to do with the uptick in your media appearances lately. Since Joshua won the title, and since he wonât shut the hell up about you, youâve been given a PR manager at McLarenâone who looks at you like godâs personal gift to her, shoving you at every media opportunity she can secure. So far, youâve been given countless interviews alongside Joshua himself, a few covers for womenâs magazines, and a Forbes 30 Under 30 nomination. The spotlight is brighter on you than it has ever been for any F1 race engineer, and you know thatâs the only reason any sort of rumors are âcirculating.âÂ
It drives you up a wall. No one but Wonwoo knew how insanely difficult it was for you to be here, and most days, it still felt unbelievable. You fought an uphill battle for an entire season and successfully dodged a demotion after your first year as a race engineer, but you didnât stop there; you soared to unfathomable heights. Youâve led your driver to a world championship title faster than any other rookie, you play a huge part in the records Joshua is constantly setting, and the conversation on the lack of female talent in the F1 space is hotter than it has ever been. But somehow, that same conversation has suddenly become about a budding romance that doesnât even exist instead of asking Joshua about his 2nd place finish, here at Silverstone.
âLetâs calm your face down a little; people are watching,â Wonwoo mutters without moving his lips. You thought you were keeping your face calm, but after you check in with yourself, you find your brows intensely furrowed at the huge TV screen. You take a deep breath and force yourself to relax the muscles in your entire body.Â
Sorry, youâll have to forgive how, uh, unprepared I am to answer this. He finally speaks, frowning a little as he clears his throat. Then, heâs smiling his signature winning smile again, but what comes out of his mouth next isnât at all part of Joshuaâs signature anything. I was expecting a question about the race, seeing as, yâknow, this is F1⊠and racing is kind of the whole point⊠and I just placed second⊠at the race.
Your efforts are all for naught because your muscles immediately forget how to relax as both your eyebrows and Wonwooâs shoot up toward your respective hairlines. Joshua is media trained to the gods; he has never lost his cool with the press, and heâs honestly been asked more ridiculous things, like if heâs ever had plastic surgery or if he wears underwear underneath his race suit. Heâs taken everything gracefully and has always been able to redirect the question or make a joke out of it. He seems to have zero desire to do that today, though.
Sure, I have some quâ
Maybe you do, but instead, you wasted it on asking me something trivial, irrelevant, and frankly offensive. The journalist squirms now, but Joshua doesnât slow down. Thatâs my race engineer. My race engineer, whoâs the only woman in her role on the grid right now. My race engineer, who just gave me the best first two seasons of any rookie in F1, and a world title. Iâm more than happy to talk about her and answer any questionsâIâd actually prefer you ask me about her during these things because sheâs the only reason I do so well on the track.
Heâs obviously no longer flustered, speaking a mile a minute with zero hesitation. And the more he goes on, the more you become the stunned one.Â
But if youâre going to ask me about her, I demand respect when you do it.Â
âHoly shit,â Wonwoo breathes, a high peal of delighted laughter escaping his mouth as he starts clapping. You look at him incredulously. âWhat? This is amazing!â
âMaybe you calm down a little; people are watching,â you hiss his own words back at him. He sighs, rolling his eyes and waving a hand.Â
Youâre going to ask me what I think about her strategy, he continues, what about her technique makes it so easy to trust her, or if Iâm worried that sheâll realize Iâm actually a loser and find a driver more worthy of her talent.Â
Thereâs the joke heâs been trained to land, easily getting a laugh out of the press, and to your horror, dozens of people around you, who are still very much watching you. You wish you could rub the red off your cheeks because you know people will just use that to fuel rumors; really, youâre just hot, tired, and irritated from the long day, and on top of that, youâre unsure whether to feel touched or mortified that Joshua Hong is talking about you like this on international TV.
I am, by the wayâboth a loser and worried. He earns more laughs before he turns serious once more. What youâre not going to do when you ask me about my race engineer is diminish her hard work this weekend and show more interest in a dating rumorâone that I assure you neither of us have even heard aboutâthan you do the fact that she just got her driver to the podium despite that loser getting her a 10-second time penalty.
You glare at the screen; even though the race is over and he still got second, you feel the vexation of watching him impatiently speed behind a safety car bubbling under your skin again.
And even if we were romantically involvedâ
The words make you kind of dizzy.
âwhich again, I assure you we are not and never have been, that really isnât any of your business, right? It has nothing to do with my performance, and Iâd appreciate it if we all had the tact to ignore these kinds of rumors. They could be harmful to peopleâs careers.Â
He gets a bunch of nods and grunts of affirmation. He tilts his head at the person who asked him the question in the first place.
We good, man? he asks, smiling and raising his eyebrows at him like he didnât just rip him a new one in the classiest, most polite way.
Understood. Apologies.
No worries. Gotta commend you for trying, he smirks and gets a few more chuckles from the press. No more questions for me, folks. Have a good one. Thereâs a chorus of groans and complaints as Joshua is escorted away by his manager. You donât envy that journalist, who you know will be on the receiving end of many a death glare from his colleagues today.Â
Obviously unprepared for the turn of events, the cameraman hastily pans from Joshua and his abrupt exit to a very amused Kim Mingyu, who looks directly at the camera, jabs a thumb in the direction of your driver, flashes his eyebrows, and whistles. You have no doubts heâll have stupid things to say about this in his own interview.
âOkay, soâŠâ Wonwoo laughs like heâs not sure what he just witnessed was entirely real. âUm⊠that was⊠interesting?â
âInteresting,â you repeat. âSure, thatâs one word for what that was. We could also use bizarre, uncomfortable, odd, fucking weird.â
Your boss smiles, throwing a tiny piece of tortilla chip into his mouth before pushing the basket away like the nachos that were once in it hadnât already been demolished. âWhat was weird? The question or the way Hong answered?â
The question was definitely weird, especially because Joshua was right; neither of you have heard any rumor of the romantic sortâwith each other or anyone elseâsince you started working together three years ago. Itâs more than just the question, though, but you canât bring yourself to call Joshuaâs answer weird because it was touching to be spoken about in such a revered way. Itâs not the first time the driver has done it; you just donât think youâll ever get used to it. You feel an odd sensation in your chest, and you canât pinpoint why, let alone explain it to Wonwoo.
You shrug and instead of answering properly, you say, âYes.âÂ
He scoffs, shaking his head. âSo all of it was weird.â You neither confirm or deny, letting your eyes wander away, relieved to find that the crowd has largely dispersedâat least away from you. Their eyes and ears were now on whatever Mingyu was busy going on about.
âIâm an engineer,â you remind him. He shoots you a look that tells you he obviously knows that. âI didnât make this career choice to stand in the spotlight. If I wanted to do that, Iâd just take Joshuaâs job.â
âYou make being the best F1 driver on the grid sound so easy,â Wonwoo says, smirking.
âHow hard can it be,â you mutter even though you know damn well itâs grueling. You watch Joshua train and practice more than you see the inside of your own home; of course you know. âIâm just not used to being important enough for people to waste time making dating rumors over. Or for Joshua to keep talking about me in such high regard.â
âReally?â he asks like heâs genuinely surprised. âAfter three years of him talking about you like you single-handedly invented F1 just for him, youâre still not used to it?â
âWonwoo, you fidget if someone perceives you for longer than two seconds,â you remind him, pausing to pointedly stare at him. He proves you right when he looks away and readjusts himself in his stool almost immediately. You snort. âYou think you just get used to someone talking about you like that?âÂ
âOkay⊠fair pointâŠâ he says slowly. You nod sarcastically. âI see why it might feel weird.â
âDo you not think itâs weird?â you ask, frowning. Itâs weird to you because itâs about you, but is it not just objectively weird?
Wonwoo shrugs. âNot really. I think it would be easy for people to assume that you two are dating. Or at the very least, into each other.â He looks at you like heâs trying to be subtle about searching for a sign that maybe you are.
The rate at which you feel your skin burn up is almost as embarrassing as what your boss just said. âWhat?â you practically squeak.
âYou guys spend all your available time with each other,â he says, scoffing as if youâre faking ignorance and heâs irritated with it. âYouâd think you two are handcuffed together the way you donât leave the otherâs side.â
âHeâs my best friend!â
âRight, but to other peopleâŠâ
Your mouth pops open a little as you think about how the two of you are constantly going on food runs for breaks from the facility, no mind paid over who sees the two of you out in public. Or how Joshua always hugs you after each race, how his Instagram carousel of photos recapping every Grand Prix includes several shots of you without fail, how he nonchalantly walks around with his arm around your shoulders, or how you call his mom Mom too and talk to her even when heâs not around.Â
âOh my god,â you murmur. âI would totally think weâre dating if I were a stranger,â you realize aloud.
âYeah,â he says, laughing. âSo no, I donât find it weird at all. And I donât find his answer weird either. I actually find it right in line with how I would expect him to react.â He sighs, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back. âIf anything, I guess I think itâs a little odd that the question went unasked for this long.â
âHuh,â you say, hardly hearing him.
Dating Joshua Hongâbeing the person he intertwines his fingers with in more than just the platonic way he already does with you, being someone he kisses, being someone he spoils and laughs with and cares for and protects and loves. Huh. What an interesting thought.
Later, the driver finds you in the garage, cleaning up and packing out, and he asks if you saw the interview from earlier, uncharacteristically nervous as he does.
âI did,â you say simply, standing and wiping your palms on the thighs of your jeans.
âWas my answer okay?â he asks, skin pink as he anxiously scratches his ear lobe. âIt was such a surprising question, and I didnât want it to affect you or anything, and Iââ
âShua,â you interrupt him, smiling and shaking your head. âIt was the perfect answer. Iâm very lucky to have you as my driver and my best friend.â
He sighs in relief, every ounce of tension leaving his muscles. âOh. Okay. Good. Thatâs⊠good.â
âYou should be glad your rumors are about dating your race engineer and not that you have three baby mamas and a secret army of children, like somebody we know,â you joke, referring to the (very fake) scandal surrounding Mingyu that rocked last season.Â
âI suppose youâre right,â he says, suppressing a laugh.
âI am. Besides, you would be very lucky to have a girlfriend like me,â you tell him, grinning as you turn back to your boxes to pack the last of your things away. âOverall, a good rumor to have if you ask me.â
With your back to him, you miss the way Joshuaâs smile becomes a little softer and his blush a little deeper.
Race days are early starts for the entire staff, but no one gets a start earlier than the students and their driving instructorâin this case, the man you had in your hotel room less than five hours ago. The same man you havenât gotten a chance to see since waking up to a hastily written note that he was late to meet the girls and that heâd see you as soon as race day was over. If it were anyone else, youâd think you got ditched. But from the heart scribbled in the corner of the hotel notepad, and the way his entire face lights up when he sees you on the wall from down in the pit lane, you know heâs really just as happy as you are that last night unfolded the way it did.
You donât think anyone would be able to tell a difference in your dynamic because he hides it well, keeping his posture relaxed and his thick arms crossed over his chest as he looks up at you from under the lid of his cap, only sparing you a wink and a sly smile before he turns his attention to a frantic Megan begging for ginger chews as they quickly approach race time.
You, apparently, donât hide it as well, because just seconds after you turn from where you were staring at him, Jihyo is standing before you, the most smug expression on her face.
âGood morning, JihyoâŠâ you greet warily as you attempt to step around her to sit at your monitor. She, of course, doesnât let you, stepping in the same direction.
âAre you going to make me ask or are you just going to tell me?âÂ
You narrow your eyes at her. âAsk me wââ
Like with everything else, Jihyo doesnât have the patience to spare. âThis morning, Joshua was 20 minutes late to call time. He missed the shuttle and had to take a taxi here, where the girls were already stretched and warmed up by the time he came in, thanks to their responsible and punctual CEO.â
Your eyes widen. When you saw that his note said ârunning late,â you thought he must have been maybe five minutes late. You didnât think he was missed-the-bus late.
âI know,â she says, shaking her head at the astounded look on your face, âSo unlike him. But what was even more unlike him was that while he did say sorry, he did it with a huge smile on his face, skin glowing like he was seized by the ankles, dipped head first into the spring of eternal happiness, and frankly, waterboarded. He did not look sorry at all.â
You wish you could be impressed by Jihyoâs storytelling, but you feel your grip on your composure slipping the more you hear confirmation that Joshua was as affected by all of this as you are. As you fell asleep late last nightâfor the first time, with your best friend wrapped around youâyou had a fleeting thought that things were going to be different. That maybe, he would wake up, realize he made a mistake, and ask to forget everything. You had no evidence to support that and you were trying to be brave about wanting Joshua, but your brain forced you to think it anyway.
Maybe your friendship is too precious to risk, especially now that you two just got it back. Maybe itâs going to get too complicated with him having to return to McLaren at the end of the season. Maybe he just dove into it too fast.Â
Instead, you were met with the warmest smile from the pit lane, a wink that could make you combust into flames on the spot, and an account from Jihyo that the man is every bit as flustered as you are. You canât help the small smile that begins to grow on your lips, and even though you lift your hand to cover it before it even really forms, Jihyo sees right through you.
âYou touched lips,â she says, trying to sound accusatory, and to her credit, she does; the huge grin on her face gives her away, though. âYou so touched lips! And you did more than that; you touchedââ As the CEO, she at least has the sense to refrain from vocalizing her next thought, but her eyes dart from your face to your crotch several times pointedly to finish her question without words. âDidnât you?â she asks, nodding and blinking rapidly.
âOh my god, Jihyo,â you groan, your smile falling right off your face as you step around her and take your seat at the monitor. âPlease tell me you donât talk like this with anyone else and that Iâm your only victim because you are very much a workplace harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.â
She scoffs and takes the seat next to you, oblivious to the performance engineer who was just about to reach their monitor, having gone to grab coffee earlier. Without hesitation, they turn on their heel smoothly and find a place to hide while their CEO monopolizes their space.
âReally bold of you to assume I talk to anyone else, period,â she says like itâs the most ridiculous thought youâve ever had. âEveryone here is scared of me; youâre my only friend.â
Your fingers still against your mouse. You and Jihyo have a sibling-like relationship more than anything. At least you think you do; you wouldnât really know, but you imagine this is how sisters act: bickering all the time, whispering in corners, barging into the otherâs office just to exist quietly in the same space for hours, walking arm in arm laughing and enjoying life then shoving each other away and slapping the other the next moment. You take for granted how hard it mustâve been for Jihyo to get to where she isâhaving to have such a tough and frightening exterior so that she could survive with the âbig boys,â finding little to no female camaraderie throughout her career, and still having to maintain a large part of that facade so she can keep the Academy afloat and be a good role model to her students. It mostly is a facade; she can be scary but sheâs mostly funny, supportive, honest, and curious. And it takes you a beat to realize you wouldnât have even shared that moment with Joshua last night if it werenât for Jihyo.
The least you can do is tell her everything and anything she wants to know, even if your inability to suppress your giddiness embarrasses you to oblivion.Â
You turn to her in your seat, and she frowns at how serious you suddenly look. âWhatâŠ?â she asks, raising an eyebrow.
You rest a hand on hers and her gaze darts between you. âWe did not touchâŠâ you clear your throat, pointing your gaze downward with your eyebrows raised. âBut we did touch lips.â She bites her lips to keep her own smile from swallowing her face whole. âAnd he did sleep over⊠and we did cuddle.âÂ
Her other hand slaps over yours and squeezes unforgivingly as she begins giggling and convulsing. A few engineers look at the two of you with wide eyes, obviously not used to seeing the CEO of F1 Academy act like one of her students. Thatâs whatâs beautiful about girlhood, though; it never ends.Â
âOh my god, I knew it!â she whisper-shrieks, your hand turning a concerning shade of reddish-purple as she squeezes the life out of it. You grunt as you yank it out of her grip, shaking it as blood starts rushing back into your fingers. âYou two wear your feelings so openly onââ
Sheâs cut off by the 120-decibel roar of an F4 engine, startling the both of you and inspiring you both to scramble for headsets.Â
âOh my god,â she breathes into it once you have them turned on and on a private channel. âI havenât been on the wall for one of these in so long,â she says, a hand to her heaving chest; she liked to watch from the Academy suite in the paddocks during the race so she could peacefully take notes and field off calls and emails.
You glance down at the lane to find Sophia in the car that nearly gave Jihyo a heart attack. She revs again and you laugh when it makes the CEO flinch again. âYou should stay here today. Maybe Iâll tell you all about last night.â
She glares. âYou kissed. It will not take you the entire race to tell me about that.â She doesnât even give you a chance to counter. She smiles widely and kicks her feet excitedly. âOkay, fine, Iâll stay.â
âCool, but you need to move; the performance engineer sits there,â you inform her, catching the eye of said engineer, who is very clearly wrought with anxiety as they try to decide whether or not they should ask the CEO to move now that youâre a few minutes from the formation lap starting. âWeâll get you another seat.â
The first race starts not long after you ask an assistant to bring Jihyo a chair, and with your engineers well prepared and familiarized with the girls, there isnât much for you to do other than keep an eye on your monitor and tell Jihyo everything.Â
You tell her about how you were literally and figuratively backed into a corner, and how you told Joshua as much as you could without saying the actual words, âI love you.â Jihyo has a lot of faces to make over that piece of information, but you ignore her because when you get to the part where Joshua kisses you, you have to bury your face in your hands and try your best not to scream. She, on the other hand, doesnât try anywhere near as hard and scream-giggles, slapping you repeatedly as you squeeze your eyes shut, willing your giddiness to dissipate. It doesnât, so by the time Jihyo is violently shaking you to continue, the best you can do is just continue the story with a smile that feels like itâs splitting your cheeks open and a face redder than F1âs logo.Â
You two stumbled into your hotel room, a tangled and frantic mess of lips and limbs, his arms holding you up by your waist, your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to you even though it was impossible to get any closer. You tripped a few times as he walked you back toward your bed.Â
âOh my god, you dirty, little liar,â Jihyo muttered, eyes wide on you. âYou totally touched his diââ
âI did not. Do you want to hear this or what?â
âOkay, okay,â she says, waving a hand for you to continue, the race completely forgotten to her. Luckily for her, youâre used to having to hold a conversation while doing your job, so youâve taken it upon yourself to take notes for her this one time.Â
You felt the bed against the back of your legs, but before he could take you any further, you turned the both of you around, pushing him down to take a seat instead. He made a sound of surprise as he looked up at you, eyes huge and lips parted in anticipation. It stopped you right in your tracks. You wanted to crawl right onto his lap, grind into him, let him feel how he made you feel. But he was so beautiful, and the sheer gravity of it stopped you before you could lift a knee to rest on the bed.Â
Instead, you laid a hand on one of his cheeks as his large hands massaged your waist gently. His lips quirked up into the smallest smile at the sensation of you against him. His head tilted into your palm, pressed his lips into your skin, and you fought to keep the odd sensation of suddenly wanting to cry at bay.
âWhat?! You wanted to cry?! Why?!â Jihyo shouts, startling you.Â
You shrug. âI donât know,â you say truthfully. âI think I was just⊠overwhelmed that it was happening at all. I was prepared to never tell him how I feltâever. And then it just came out last night, and suddenly we wereâŠâ you look around before mouthing, âkissing.â Jihyo giggles at how elementary it is of you two to be whispering about kissing a boy like this. âIt was like, finally! But also, what the hell is happening?â
Jihyo hums, nodding at the poorly communicated thought process. âAh, it is overwhelming. But happy crying, though, right?â You nod. Definitely happy crying.Â
âShua,â you breathed as you brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead.Â
âMmm,â he hummed, eyes fluttering closed as your finger traced over his skin. He looked so dreamy and unreal like thisâlike your touch was the best sensation heâs ever had the pleasure of feeling. You wanted this moment to last forever. He opened his eyes and lifted his head away from your palm. âAre you okay?â
You nodded quickly. The last thing you wanted was Joshua thinking anything was wrong. This was perfect. You just wanted to⊠You grinned. âIâm just enjoying the moment,â you said his own words back to him. His face lit up so gorgeously, his eyes sparkling like they never have before. You wonder how you were able to tell so much about him through his eyes and not see this. How were you able to look into his eyes and not see how much he cared about you?
âOkay, okay, we get it,â Jihyo groans, waving for you to move on. âYou can see Ursa Major and the rest of the fucking galaxy in Joshuaâs eyesâget to the good stuff!â
You glare at her before continuing.
He gave you only a second to appreciate it before he was pulling you in to stand between his legs and burying his face in your stomach in embarrassment.
âIâm happy,â he said, voice muffled by your own body. You laughed, hand coming up to thread through his dark hair, scratching his scalp the way you used to back at the McLaren facility when you knew he needed to nap but was fighting his exhaustion. âWe should just⊠sleep, rightâŠ?â
You were glad he couldnât see your face because it was hard to fight the smirk off it. You didnât even really try. âYeah,â you sighed. âWe probably should. Early start.â
He groaned before lifting his head and looking up at you. âAnd we probably have some things to⊠sort out before weâuh, before⊠before anything else.â
âYou two are grown ass adults and you canât say âsexâ?!â she laughs. You shoot her a look when an engineer very clearly hears her. They cough a little and look away, posture too stiff to play it off naturally. âWe are all grown adults here!â
âGrown adults at work,â you remind her as you scribble down a stat you know sheâll want later. âBut he was right. I donât want to go there until we talk things out.â
She sighs exaggeratedly. âAnd what do you need to talk about now?â
âOh, I donât know, maybe we can talk about how Iâve been in love with him for practically the entire time Iâve known him?â you hiss sarcastically.Â
âYawn, he knows that. Next!â
You scoff, leaning back in mock offense. âI assure you he doesnât, but alright, how about the elephant in the room?â Jihyo gives you nothing more than a bored stare. âThe fact that in a few months, heâll be back at McLaren, traveling the world racing again, and Iâll be here.â
Jihyo shamelessly blows a raspberry at you. âPfft! Almost all of our races overlap with his! You will also be traveling the world! Next!â
You roll your eyes. âYouâre biased. You donât view that as an issue we need to discuss because you just want your little rom-com happy ending.â
âSure do, and Iâm getting my rom-com happy ending,â she says, pointing a finger at you threateningly. âAnd youâre right: I donât view these things as issues because theyâre not issues. Theyâre excuses for why you canât go all in.â She holds a hand up at you when your mouth opens to argue with her. âTheyâre shields to hide behind so you can tell yourself if it doesnât work out, itâs not because you failed; itâs because the circumstances stopped you from even trying in the first place.â
âIâŠâ the single syllable is out of your mouth, ready to dispute that when you realize you actually have nothing to say. Youâre not ready to admit it right now, but the notion is merited.Â
Because this time, you donât really have an excuseânot the way you did two years ago. Being with Joshua now wouldnât ruin either of your careers, not when heâs the most valuable driver on the grid and not when your own boss is practically begging you to get into bed with him. Youâre established enough and far enough removed from Joshuaâs racing career to know it wonât derail your life the way it would have before. Is that all your fears are now? Excuses to keep from trying? Didnât you tell yourself youâd be brave with him?
âGreat counterargument, truly,â she jokes when you say nothing else, âbut Iâm correct.â You want to roll your eyes at her, but youâre too stunned to. She takes advantage of your stumped state to drive her point home: âI seriously respect your decision to leave McLaren, I really do. I understand more than any of these menââ The few male engineers on the wall readjust uncomfortably, leaning away from the conversation. ââthe sacrifices you have to make when youâre a woman in F1, and I think you ultimately did the right thing for yourself and your career. But at this pointâŠâÂ
She looks away like sheâs trying to piece together the right words to say to you. When you follow her gaze, you find it on Joshua in the pit lane with the rest of the crew, nervously playing with his earlobe as he watches his girls race each other.Â
âThe same fear that saved you from a ruined career two years ago is only going to result in time wasted now. It wonât save you from anything. Thereâs nothing to save you from. You said it yourself; you waited years for this. It would seriously suck so much ass if you made yourself wait more. If you need to talk about that, talk about it, but donât approach it like itâs an issue to tackle. Discuss it like theyâre just logistics you need to sort out with a partner because thatâs exactly what it is.â
You watch as Joshua cheers and claps, too far away for you to hear anything, but you can hear the joy in it anyway. Itâs the only sign that tells you someone has finished the race and you missed it. Maybe youâve missed too many things.Â
âHow did he end up staying the night anyway?â Jihyo asks a few moments later.
You tear your gaze away from the driving instructor and look back to your friend. Her eyes are on you, casually expecting more gossip like she didnât just possibly change your life.Â
âThanks for staying,â you whispered once you two were in bed, face-to-face with his arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close.
âThanks for inviting me to⊠though I probably wouldâve begged anyway,â he admitted, squeezing you briefly. You laughed and shook your head at him.Â
After a few moments, you said, âIâm happy too,â remembering to return his earlier sentiment.Â
âYeah?â
âYeah.â
âHappier than⊠when we won the title the first time?â he asked.Â
You grinned. âYup.â
âHappier than⊠when we won the title the second time?â You levelled him with a glare and he laughed louder. âRight. Sorry. A lot of things were happier than that night. How about⊠when we went clubbing in Miami?â
âOh, you mean when we went to the club for 20 minutes, decided we hated it, and ended up drunk at an arcade?â you clarified. He nodded, smiling softly at the memory. You realized now that faraway look he often got was probably just him revisiting a moment he filed away previously. You loved it so much. âYes, happier than that.â
âAnd when I got you chocolates at the Belgian Grand Prix?â
âYou never told me how you found time to do that,â you pointed out. You had complained about having zero time to try the world-famous chocolates from the start of your first-ever race weekend in Belgium, until the very end. Then, when Joshua came to hug and thank you after he placed fourth, he did it with the most beautiful boxed assortment, and the two of you picked at it all night while watching movies in his hotel room. You couldnât remember if the chocolates were as good as you thought they were or if Joshua was what made it all so sweet.
âYou just make things happen when you have a crush on someone.â
You scoffed, sitting up a little on your elbow to look at him closely and make sure he was being serious. âBelgian Grand Prix of 2018. Youâre telling me you had a crush on me back in 2018?â
âBabe, Iâve had a crush on you since the moment I met you,â he mutters, yawning before his mouth settles back into that content smile itâs been sporting all night.Â
You let that information sit with you. You found out you were in love with Joshua in 2023. You wished you could pinpoint when that happened or when you started seeing him that way, but you know it was long, long before that Spanish Grand Prix. In those five years working together, he had settled over you gently and slowly, and by the time you realized it, there wasnât a spot of you that wasnât covered in him.Â
âYeah,â you finally answered. He looked at you with half-lidded eyes and it was clear he was halfway to falling asleep. âHappier than when you got me the chocolates. How about you?â you asked before he could bring up another one of your millions of happy memories together. âAre you happier thanââ
âIâm happier than Iâve ever been in my entire life,â he said, pulling you back down so you were nestled safely and snugly against his chest. He pressed a kiss against the crown of your head. âSo save your breath asking me about all the things weâve experienced together.â
You smiled against his chest as you both wrapped your arms around each other a little tighter.Â
âThis is always going to be the happiest.â He paused. âAt least until the next kiss. And the next hug. And the next late night working. And the next burger. And the next LEGO set. Andââ
âGood night, Hong.â
He laughed quietly, his chest shaking you as he did. âGood night, L/N.â
At the end of their first-ever F1 Academy race, Saki is in the middle of the podium, with Megan and Lara flanking her, the top Qualifiers managing to keep their same spots. Saki is smiling the largest youâve ever seen her smile, and the best part is that all the students are happy for her and for each other. Of course, there are disappointments and regrets, but there are more smiles than tears, and you know from the way Joshua looks at them so proudly, that he sees it too. His pep talk from Qualifiers got through to them. They stepped out of their cars and off the track, and they still had their best friends.Â
Itâs heartwarming to walk around with Jihyo, supervising as the girls are photographed and interviewedâas theyâre given a taste of what their lives will be like when they break into F1. Sophia is a natural; the camera loves her and she oozes charisma, getting the interviewer to ask her more about herself and her life instead of the actual race, and she loves it. Eunchae, unsurprisingly, only ever gets asked one question at a time because she spends her entire slot with each journalist talking their ear off, flowing from one tangent to the other; everyone is endeared by her.Â
Youâre standing with Jihyo and the Academy PR team (who gesture for Megan to shut up as she starts begging the journalistâs camera for a ginger chews sponsorship) when your name is called. You turn to find a woman youâve been interviewed by before, waving you down. Standing with her are her cameraperson and Joshua, whose eyes follow you in amusement, and you have no doubt he told her to call you over to join his interview.Â
âUhââ
âNope,â Jihyo rejects your excuse before you can come up with it. She unceremoniously jabs her elbow into your side and shoves you in the direction of the group. âLeave them,â she barks when a PR manager tries to follow you. The poor girl flinches back to where she was previously standing. âTheyâre media trained. Theyâll be fine.â
You bite your tongue to keep from cursing at her in the middle of the press storm, instead walking toward Joshua and his interviewer. For someone who was apparently late enough he missed the bus to the circuit, he looks infuriatingly sexy. He lost the cap sometime between the race and this interview, his hair styled back and away from his face. Heâs dressed a touch more smartly than he was yesterday, his fitted Academy polo tucked into crisp black slacks that sit higher on his waist and sneakers so clean, they look like they came right out of the box. The entire outfit is making it absolutely impossible to miss the way his athletic body tapers into a V, and you fight to keep your mouth from watering.
As if he can read your thoughts, he smirks and removes one hand from the pocket of his pants and holds an arm out toward you as you reach them. You smile, trying to push aside your nerves. Even though youâve had enough time training with PR managers over the course of your career, you still get nervous doing appearances and interviews. Like you told Wonwoo so many times at McLaren, you didnât get into this for the limelight, and you donât imagine youâll ever really get used to it.Â
On top of that, it doesnât help that you havenât gotten a chance to talk to Joshua at all since saying good night.Â
Your heart beats thunderously as you accept his side embrace, not paying any mind when he squeezes you tightly to him and rubs your arm comfortingly. You hook your hand around the small of his waist, taking a deep breath. As predicted, he knows exactly what situations make you nervous and exactly what calms you down in them (mostly just him).
âShe asked me how I ended up at the Academy,â he informs you, mouth so close to your face, you smell the mint he always popped before his post-race interviews. You understand why youâve been called over, and you nod, mouth forming around the sound âahâ without fully saying it.Â
âThanks so much for joining us,â the journalist says, saying your full name for the camera. âIâm not sure if you remember me, but weâve talked before for Sebong TV. Itâs nice to see you again. Itâs been a while!â
You nod. âYes, I remember you,â you tell her, fishing her name out of the bank of journalist names in the back of your brain. She lights up when she realizes you actually do remember her. âYou did my last interview of my career with McLaren. Qatar Grand Prix. Nice to see you again.â
She nods enthusiastically. âYes, whichââ she lowers her microphone briefly and shoves the camera away gently, evoking a squeak from the cameraman. ââthank you so much for giving me that time, by the way. It really helped get my name out there.â
âOh, no worries. You had great questions,â you say, laughing a little. You canât imagine your name helping anyone elseâs name get out there, but you blush and accept the thanks all the same, trying to be gracious about it. She allows the camera to focus back on you, lifting the microphone to her mouth once more.
âSo Joshua told us you went all the way to Barcelona to recruit him,â the interviewer clarifies, a hesitant and excited smile growing on her lips as her eyes dart between the two of you. Youâre not sure what exactly sheâs smiling at but you try not to dwell on it. Itâs easy when you have Joshua pressed against your side, his cologne filling your nose and sufficiently pulling your thoughts away from how nervous you are.
âI did,â you nod, speaking into her microphone. âWe watched his press conference announcing his sabbaticalâin the middle of class, mind youâand I was on a flight to Spain to beg him to take the spot immediately after.â
Her eyebrows rise. âWow, talk about going after what you want.â Her eyes dart down so briefly, you donât have more than a second to wonder what sheâs looking at. âWhat made you think of Joshua for F1 Academy?â
âI wish I could take all the credit for roping him into this circus,â you say, laughing a little nervously. âBut that was CEO Park. I just reaffirmed what we all already knew: that this role would be perfect for him.â
âAnd what makes you say that?â
You glance at Joshua. He readily meets your gaze and smiles at you encouragingly, giving you another gentle squeeze. Itâs the only reason you realize his hand found its way from your shoulder to your waist at some point without you noticing. You feel his thumb rubbing the space there, eyes trained on you like he refuses to be the one to look away first. For the first time, you can understand why Eunchae is so annoying about you two being able to read each otherâs minds; Joshuaâs eyes say everything he canât in front of a member of the press. They say that youâre doing well, that heâs happy youâre hereâyes, happier than any memory you can think to compare this moment toâand heâs in this with you.Â
âUmâŠâ your interviewer stutters, though she doesnât sound at all put-off by how long youâre taking to answer. She calls your name.
You manage to tear your eyes away from Joshua when he gives you a reassuring nod. When you meet the journalistâs gaze again, she has a thrilled, somewhat frenzied look in her eyes, which are widened at the both of you, her smile now fully spread across her face. You try not to frown on camera.Â
âRight, uhâsorry, what was the question?â
She giggles, proving it incredibly hard for your brows to refrain from furrowing in confusion at her. Youâve only been interviewed by her once, and sure, it was two years ago, but you definitely donât remember her eyes being so flighty and her behavior so⊠odd.Â
âI asked what it was about Joshua that made you think heâs perfect for this role.â
âOh!â you exclaim. Itâs an easy question to answer. âHeâs so fantastic at empowering women, and he doesnât even have to try. I know firsthand from his advocacy of me and my career during our time together at McLaren.â His grip on your waist firms and you shuffle a little, moving even closer to him to keep his hold from getting too tight. âHe always believed in me and my talents, trusted me wholeheartedly, and not only did he treat me with the utmost respect, but he demanded that same behavior from everyone around him.â You make it a point not to look at him now or risk getting entirely and hopelessly sidetracked. âHe elevated me at every turn. I knew without a doubt he would do the same and even more for these girls if given the chance.â
Her mouth pops open a little in what you think is awe, and you give her a close-lipped smile when she doesnât ask or say anything for a few moments. âUh, Iâum, that was such a touching answer,â she says, quickly recovering. âJust one last question: Joshua.âÂ
She turns to him and you take this opportunity to do the same, knowing heâll have to look at the interviewer instead of you, saving you from becoming a bumbling idiot. His cheeks are dusted a shade of pink they werenât before, and you enjoy the thought of being the reason for that. He nods at her.
âWhatâs next?â she asks simply. âThe Academy season goes through until November and your sabbatical will be over shortly after. Any thoughts on what youâll be doing when that time comes?â
Youâre not as afraid of the question as you think you wouldâve been before this weekend. After your conversation with Jihyo, the decision Joshua will have to make about his F1 career is already on your mind, and thanks to the sage advice of your boss, youâre familiarizing yourself with the idea that whether his sabbatical leads to a comeback or a retirement, maybe thatâs something you can figure out together.
Itâs your turn to rub your thumb into Joshuaâs waist and lend him any encouragement you can give him. He leans into your touch slightly. You expect him to stumble through the answer. You expect his posture to stiffen a little. You expect discomfort and confusion and uncertainty. But heâs only ever stumbled through an interview once in his career during the 2021 British Grand Prix, and even then, he handled it elegantly. This is easy in comparison.Â
âOh, I have a lot of thoughts,â he says, laughing. The sound immediately makes you smile. âTell you what, youâll be the second person I tell once I know.â
âThe secondâŠ?â she asks, looking entirely unimpressed with that number. He laughs louder now.Â
âYes, second,â he confirms. He tilts his head in your direction without looking at you. You look away as you feel the giddiness ramping up again. You bite down a smile. âSheâs gotta be the first.â
The scowl on your interviewerâs face turns back into a grin and she nods enthusiastically. âOf course, of course. But to be abundantly clear, I will be the first journalist you tell, yes?â
You both laugh and Joshua nods, saying her name as he assures her that yes, sheâll get the exclusive. After you both say your thank yous and goodbyes and exit the flow of interviews, Joshua releases your waist and casually throws his arm over your shoulders, guiding you aimlessly away from the crowd.
Jihyo catches your eye but looks away before you can mouth a curse at her. You donât miss the way her lips turn up into a smirk, though.
âThat went well, no?â Joshua asks. Theyâre the first words heâs saying to you privately since last night, and you think theyâre fitting.Â
âHello to you too,â you murmur, a slight smile on your lips.
âWhy hello, beautiful girl,â he greets you, stopping the both of you in your tracks, looking down, and flashing his eyebrows at you. He smirks when your cheeks immediately turn pink.
âOh my god,â you groan, letting your face fall into your palm. âNo, please donât do that. I wonât survive if you do that.â
âDo what?â he asks, smirk deepening. âIâm just saying hi.â
âHave you just been suppressing this flirtatious monster this entire time?â
âUm, no, youâre actually just oblivious, but itâs okay,â he says, the speed at which his words exit his mouth increasing when he sees you preparing to untangle yourself from him and start arguing. âBut Iâve definitely been holding back a little!â he admits frantically, tightening his hold on you as he continues walking. âPlease do not ask me to continue to do that, though. Iâve tasted freedom. I donât want to go back. Donât make me.â
âThe drama,â you tease, rolling your eyes. âThat went well,â you finally agree. âItâs so crazy to think I havenât interviewed with you sinceâŠâ
âMmm⊠gotta be that profile Time Magazine did,â he answers for you. âThe one where we accidentally told them about you leaving.â
You snort. âWe?â
Joshua sighs heavily. âYou can never just let that go, can you?âÂ
âBecause we didnât do anything! You told them!â
The news of your departure from McLaren to join F1 Academy hadnât been announced yet, and when asked about his motivations for a second world title, Joshuaâalways being entirely too comfortable in your presenceâaccidentally told the journalist, Well, my motivations stay the same: to be the best and to make the people I love proud. I guess the only thing Iâd add this time is that I want to give my race engineer the best last season before she leaves. McLarenâs PR team worked tirelessly with Time to fix that. The team profile quickly became an exclusive headline:Â
Team McLaren prepares to bid their first female race engineer farewellÂ
F1âs arguably most prolific engineer to date broke glass ceilings with the motorsport giant. Her next venture will redefine what it means to be a woman in Formula.
You cringe when you think about that interview. It was a mess of surprised shouting, Joshua panicking, and you trying not to strangle him.
âOkay, but a really kickass spread came out of it, so we still won,â he points out, grinning foolishly at you.
âThey called me the wind beneath your wings.â
âAnd you are.â
âEw, stop! Thatâs so cheesy and corny,â you complain even though you feel your face growing warmer. He laughs, pulling you even closer to him as he does.
âThatâs never been a secret, pretty girl,â he tells you. âYouâve always been the engine powering this duo.â
You grunt, choosing to ignore his flirtatious comments. âBetter metaphor, Iâll give you that.â You try to steer the conversation back to safer territory. âThe journalist from today is nice. I donât quite remember her being so⊠excitable though.â
âWeâre an exciting couple.â
You realize there is no safe territory to steer Joshua to. âIs that what we are,â you deadpan.
âSorry,â he says, stopping and maneuvering you away from under his arm so youâre facing him, âdid you want to have this conversation here, in the middle of the media pen, with Eunchae completely bombing her current interview because she wonât stop staring at the two of us?âÂ
You look over your shoulder to find Eunchae with a journalist who is looking at her quizzically while her big eyes are trained on both of you. When you make eye contact with her, she does nothing short of jump and begin rattling nonsense at her interviewer.
You turn back to your best friend to see him smiling widely. âNo, definitely not.â
âThought so,â he says, nodding.
âBut we will. Talk.â
âOf course, we will,â he agrees, guiding you back so that youâre tucked under his arm again as he continues to guide you away from the media pen. âHow else will I be able to hold your hand in public if we donât talk about it first?â
âJoshua,â you groan through gritted teeth.Â
âI waited a long time for this,â he says seriously. âJust let me have it.â That kills all the complaints you have on your tongue, and you find it in yourself to swallow them. Youâll just have to spend the night screaming into your pillow to release all this pent-up giddiness from Joshua acting like⊠a boyfriend. âAnd stop calling me that.â
âItâs literally your name.â
âNot to you, it isnât.â
You roll your eyes but smile all the same. âAnyway, I believe we promised the girls a full team dinner.â
âAh, I believe we did.â
âWe have two hours before itâs considered an appropriate time for dinner activities.â
He stops walking, eyebrows rising as he looks down at you. âYes. It seems that we doâŠâ
âWhat should we do with those two hours?â
âKnow about any janitor closets we can make out in like two crazed teenagers?â
You elbow his side hard enough to make him cough and free yourself from his grip. âNo, but I know about a vendor stall at the paddocks that I want you to buy a milkshake for me from.â You walk off, leading the way without him. âJanitor closets,â you mutter, shaking your head.Â
âYeah, okay, milkshakes,â he wheezes, catching up and throwing an arm over you again. âThatâs what I was thinking too.â
âThis is your fault!â
You can barely hear your own voice over Jihyoâs maniacal cackling. Youâre a little bewildered to realize this is the hardest youâve ever seen Jihyo laugh, but you are not surprised that itâs at your expense. The story with Sebong TV dropped, and because the universe has absolutely no mercy on you, it dropped while you were 10,000 feet in the air for 12 hours with no access to the internet. The flight landed, you got off the plane, and it felt like every single personâs phones got possessed at the same time, staff and students alike.
You thought it was some terrible world news event. Or maybe someone really important and beloved died.Â
No, it was just your interview with Joshua that had everyone losing their minds, and who better to break that news to you than Eunchae, who immediately started playing the video for the entire 2025 F1 Academy class, right there, on the tarmac.
You spent your interview, unbeknownst to you or Joshua, wrapped up in the driving instructor like youâve been married for years. He held you close to him, kept his hand around your waist, never looked away from you while you were speaking, and youâyou.
You held him just as close, you looked up at him with lovesick heart eyes, and you tilted your head toward him enough times, it looked like you were straight up resting it on his shoulder. You see exactly why Eunchae couldnât focus on her interview that day. You might as well have been screaming, HEY! WE KISSED LAST NIGHT!
And neither of you had zero recollection of any of this happening.
âHowââ Jihyo wheezes between uncontrollable laughter. ââon earthââ she squeals with delight. ââis it my fault?!â
âYou made me go alone without a PR manager!â you screech. âShe wouldâve clocked our body language immediately and told us to stop!â
Jihyo laughs for what feels like several years before she finally calms down enough to catch her breath and look at you with teary eyes. She simply shakes her head and says, âI love the internet.â
You scoff. âAre you going to do something about this?â you ask again. You asked the first time while you were still on the tarmac yesterday, and you didnât think youâd have to ask again today, but after more than 36 hours without a statement, it seems you have no choice.Â
âNo,â Jihyo says it like youâre the crazy one. âTheyâre harmless dating rumors! We canât just make statements about every little thing people whisper about in F1 or weâd be putting statements out every hour!â
âJiji!â you shriek, actually startling her in her own office. âTheyâre calling us papaya mates. You have to do something!â
That sentence just makes her burst into a new round of giggles, her hand waving at you in an effort to wordlessly tell you to stop. As if youâre making her laugh on purpose.
âOh my god,â you sigh, sinking into one of the seats across from her. âYouâre useless.â
âI donât know why youâre so mad!â
âIâm not mad! Iâm embarrassed!â
âWhy?!â
âBecause I was acting like a desperate little weirdo on camera and I didnât even know it?!â
âLiterally no one on the internet has called you a desperate little weirdo,â Jihyo says, rolling her eyes.Â
âOh, really?â you ask, taking out your phone and opening an app. Jihyo leans across her desk and snatches it out of your hand before you can get anywhere. âWhat the hell?!â
âNo one said anything bad about you, just trust me,â she assures you in a way that tells you she cannot be trusted. âAnd if they didâwhich they didnâtâit would only be because theyâre super mega jealous of the girl that Joshua Hong is so very obviously in love with!âÂ
The last three words come out as a horrifying giggle-scream, and the CEO devolves into several giddy spasms, kicking and shaking like a small child as she laughs. This is what a ship sailing looked like for Jihyo. Complete insanity.
âItâs not embarrassing!â she shouts at you in irritation when her giggles subside once more and she finds you staring at her blankly. âItâs cute and it has people who donât even give a shit about F1 screaming, crying, and throwing up, so be happy!â
She gets up and walks over to your side of her desk, throwing herself into the seat next to you. You snort when you see sheâs in fluffy unicorn house slippers instead of the 4-inch heels you saw her in at the beginning of the workday.Â
âLook!â she says, unlocking your own phone and navigating your social media apps. âThese people are so happy for you. They see what everybody else has seen for the past decade!â
âSeven years.â
âDecade!â she repeats louder.Â
She shoves your own phone in your face and you find it on a post by a fan account. Itâs a photo of you and Joshua at the 2018 Spanish Grand Prixâthe first time you raced there. Itâs only now that you remember what he said about this track in Shanghai. I fell in love during that race.
The photo is of you and your driver in the garage with his hands on your shoulders, and you recognize it as the moment immediately after he had just hugged and thanked you. You donât remember him looking at you the way he was looking at you in this photoâwith adoration and reverence and⊠love.Â
What was it that you had said that would evoke this reaction? You bring a lot of joy into the sport.
It was just fun, he told the girls at the restaurant. It brought so much joy to the sport.
âHe wasnât talking about the circuit.â
âHuh?â
âOh my god,â you mutter, letting the hand holding your phone fall into your lap. âJoshua loves me. He fell in love with me.â
Jihyo raises her eyebrows as she looks between your phone and you, dumbfounded. âYou mean to tell me, all I had to do was show you the profile of a McLaren Dream Team shipping account and you wouldâve realized that two years ago?â
Is it too big-headed of you to think that he was talking about you in that restaurant? If the circuit was really just a coverup for whatever he really meant, it had to be you, right? He had zero time to meet anyone else that weekend! He confirmed he had no Spanish wife or Korean-Spanish children!Â
Why else would he be so obsessed with winning that track? He told you himself to be careful with your praise or heâd have to win it every single year.Â
âHello?!â Jihyoâs hand waves frantically in front of your face.
You glance at her, confused. âWhat?â
âNo⊠you what?â
âYouâre so confusing,â you tell her as you stand and pocket your phone.Â
âIâm confusing?! Youâre the one staring off into the distance muttering nonsense in my office!â
You look down at your friend, once again realizing every step forward youâve taken since Joshua announced his sabbatical has been because of her.Â
âI love you, thank you for everything, youâre the best,â you say suddenly, kissing the crown of her head before pushing it away from you and leaving her office.
âYah! What the fuck?! Whatâs going on!â When you donât answer, she shouts, âLove you too!â
You hastily make your way to your garage, ready to collect all your things, go home, call Joshua, and ask him to come over to talk. Because Jihyo is right; you have nothing to lose now, and youâve wasted enough time. Youâve wasted enough of Joshuaâs time.Â
â2018,â you whisper to yourself as you turn the corner down the hallway to the facilityâs individual garages.Â
You thought Joshua was joking when he said heâs had a crush on you from the moment he met you. You thought he was being cute and cheeky the way he always is. Was he being honest? In the hotel room? In the restaurant with the girls? In every interaction youâve ever had with him? Has he always been this obvious?Â
Youâre actually just oblivious, he had told you after the interview that has you all riled up right now.
â2018!â you groan this time as you throw the door to your garage open. âUnbelievable!â
âWhat is?â
You shriek as you turn toward the car youâve been restoring for the last two years, safely tucked away under a coverâa cover Joshua is currently fingering at, very obviously toying with the idea of taking a peek under to see what car it is.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â you breathe, hand on your chest, willing your heartbeat to slow down. âHow did you even find my garage?!â
He tilts his head at you curiously and laughs. âIâm the head driving instructor here. They showed me where everything was on my first day. Any time you werenât in your office the last few weeks, I assumed you were hiding in here⊠avoiding me.â He throws you a glare but itâs clear from the way his eyes look like theyâre dancing that itâs playful. âArenât I so respectful? Letting you have your space even though I knew where you were?â
You give him a flat stare. âI wouldnât call what you did giving me space, but okay.â
He laughs through his nose. âI went by your office to see if you wanted to hang out but you werenât there, and I thought after this weekendâŠâ he clears his throat. âMaybe I have a pass to come check if youâre in your garage now.â You smile a little at the thought of Joshua wondering whether or not he was allowed in here. âI saw your stuff and figured Iâd just wait until you came back from wherever you were.âÂ
You turn to see his own duffel and laptop bag with the things you were rushing over here to gather. All that urgency is gone now that youâre with the man you were so desperate to see in the first place.
Joshua grins as he starts pacing around the car. âWhatâs under the cover?â
You try not to visibly cringe at the idea of him finding out whatâs under it because that reaction will just make him even more curious. âItâs a car.â
He nods, looking at you like you might have lost all your brain cells. âI gatheredâŠâ
âYupâ is all you say.
He raises both eyebrows at you. âThat bad?â he asks, laughing a little. âWhat, is it a Ferrari?âÂ
âNo,â you scoff but offer him no answer.
âWhy are you being so difficult?â
âNo reason. Itâs just⊠a car.â
Without warning, he yanks the cover off of it, making you shout all kinds of apologies before he can even process what heâs looking at.Â
âYou have⊠a Mercedes?âÂ
A Mercedes 300SL Roadster. A Mercedes 300SL Roadster that would burst into flames under Joshuaâs glare right now if looks could kill.
âItâs not as bad as a Ferrari!â you immediately reason. âI mean, McLaren uses a Mercedes engine! How traitorous can it be if McLarenââ
âThe one time I lost Barcelona-Catalunya with you,â he interjects, eyes huge. You squeeze your eyes shut because you know exactly what heâs going to say next. âWho did we lose to?â
âMercedes,â you whisper, opening your eyes slowly.
âMercedes!â he shouts, shaking his fist with the cover still in it. âAnd you bought a Mercedes?!âÂ
âLook at her!â You gesture to the convertible. âSheâs so pretty! Look at her, and tell me she isnât the most gorgeous, little thing youâve seen!â
He levels you with a glare and deadpans, âShe isnât.â
âOkay, well, youâre lying,â you accuse him. âSheâs stunning and youâre holding something that isnât even her fault against her. Blame the driver, blame me! But donât blame her!â You lean down to pat her headlight like an actual pet.Â
After a brief pause, he sighs in defeat. He turns away from you and heads to the sofa tucked away in the corner of the garage along with a small bookcase, a lamp, and a few cozy string lights. Itâs meant to be somewhere nice to nap or even spend the night whenever you need to. Joshua plops down in the middle of it, propping one ankle up on his knee and throwing one arm casually over the back of the couch.
âWhatâs her name?â he asks, giving in.
You bite your lip. You technically won in getting Joshua to stop hating on your car⊠but you didnât anticipate having to tell him what you named her.
âWhat?â he prods, still bitter. âDid you also name her after the fucker who took my first place trophy in 2022?â
You choke on nothing at Joshuaâs sudden cursing, coughing several times before youâre able to shake your head and assure him no, you did nothing of the sort. âThe opposite, actually.â
âThe opposite?â
âI named her Jisoo,â you say meekly, unable to meet his eyes when you tell him.
âJisooâŠâ
âYeah, Jisoo.â His Korean name. âDonât make it a thing.â
âIâm not making it a thing.âÂ
You look over at him and see his big, shiny, emotional eyes and you scowl. âYouâre making it a thing!â
âIâm not!â he insists. âYou arguably made it a thing when you named her Jisoo!â
You huff and stand back up, crossing your arms and looking at him. âI was⊠sad when I got here,â you explain a little more seriously. âI needed a hobby, and I came across the car, and I missed you. And no one knows your Korean name, soâŠâ
By the look on Joshuaâs face, heâs so making it a thing, but you donât fault him for it. Itâs a testament to how much he means to you, and you hope he sees that. You hope that if he has really been waiting since 2018, that this is a small way of showing him youâve thought about him this entire time too. He doesnât say anything, just patting the spot next to him.Â
You oblige, sitting down on the couch where his arm is laid out. You take a moment and look at the space between you, and youâre aware youâre taking too long when his gaze hesitantly follows yours. His eyebrow rises in question. Be fucking brave, you idiot, a voice screams at you. Itâs probably Jihyoâs. Trying your best to be shameless, you suddenly scoot over, sitting as close as possible and cuddling up under his arm.Â
âOh,â he breathes, smiling immediately. His hand wastes no time coming up to your shoulder and massaging the knot there. You sigh, slouching even further into his side. âYou smell nice,â he says softly. You swear you feel the ghost of a kiss on your head. The two of you stay like this, quietly enjoying the moment. Then, Joshua asks: âWhatâs unbelievable?â
âHm?â you ask, honestly halfway to sleeping with how comfortable he is.Â
âWhen you came in,â he reminds you. âYou said something was unbelievable.â
âOh, I⊠donât remember,â you fib. âI was coming from Jihyoâs office so definitely something having to do with her.â Itâs not dishonest.
He laughs at that. âWhat was Jihyo up to?â
âYou mean, what was she not up to,â you grumble. âShe was not doing anything about that interview and all the rumors it caused.â
Joshua snorts. âAh, right. Did you see that weâve been in a secret relationship the entire time Iâve been in F1?â
âYeah,â you scoff. âDid you see that you actually took your sabbatical so we could go on our honeymoon?â
âSure did, Mrs. Hong,â he says, laughing. Your face burns hot at the joke, and you have to look away to maintain your composure. He catches on though, taking the hand on your shoulder and using a single finger to poke your chin and turn you back toward him. âAw,â he coos when he sees your blush. He smirks. âDid you like that? Being called Mrs. Hong?â
âI hate you!â You immediately start pushing away from him, but his hands are on you too fast, pulling you back easily.
âNo, no, okay, okay, okay, Iâm sorry! Iâll reel it in!âÂ
You fall against his chest, cheek pressed against his pec as you glare up at him. âYouâre insufferable,â you say, the words jumbled from how tightly heâs holding you against him.
âThatâs fine as long as you stay here,â he responds, smiling like heâs proud of himself. After a moment, he looks down at you and you watch his eyes visibly meltâitâs so obvious, you think. âHey,â he greets you softly. âHavenât gotten a chance to just⊠say hi to you all day.â
Although the girls got a break the day after a race weekend, head executives werenât so lucky, which meant you and Joshua were at the Academy up and early, getting things squared away in preparation for the next race. And unfortunately, just when youâd finally stopped avoiding him, the day was busy enough that you didnât see him once.
âHi,â you practically squeak. He smiles before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.
âI can do that now, right?â he asks, barely moving away from your mouth.Â
âKiss me?â
He hums. âMhm. Whenever I want?â
Joshua catches your lips once more, this time sucking on your lower lip gently before releasing you. âSure, yeah, whatever,â you breathe, chasing him as he breaks away.
He laughs, his hand squeezing your shoulder to keep you from following him. âOkay, well, youâre on the verge of helplessly distracting me, and I actually wanted to talk.â
You canât help the way you stiffen. Even with everything you see now and everything you know, youâre somehow still terrified to have this conversation. âUh yeah, me too.â
âI figure itâs just about⊠usâŠ?â he asks, referring to the conversation you two said youâd have the night he stayed in your hotel room. You nod. âOkay, well, before we do⊠I thought of a nice, little activity we can do to loosen up a little first.â
âWhatâŠ?âÂ
He untangles himself from you, pulls you up off the couch, and leads you to the garage door. He presses the button on the wall to open it, and when it does, you find two karts waiting for you where the garage opens up into the Academy track.Â
âYou want to kart?!â you ask, unsure if youâre horrified or excited.Â
He laughs and nods. âYup. Got Jihyoâs permission to borrow them.â Sheâs truly the CEO that keeps on giving. âI figured if youâre too terrified trying to drive this thing at no more than 40mphââ he gracefully dodges your fist. ââthen you wonât be too terrified to have a conversation with me and risk having to leave the country.â
âHa ha,â you sneer at him before pouting. Itâs infuriating because itâs so accurate. For someone whose entire career has been in Formula, you surprisingly donât enjoy driving at potentially neck-breaking speeds.Â
âPlus, itâll be cute to see you struggle with this and realize being on the other end of the radio isnât so easy,â he adds.
âOh, Iâm going to pulverize you.â
âSure you are, baby,â he says easily. Youâre not sure if you scoff because of the sarcasm or the pet name, but you do it all the same. âBut before all that, câmere.â
You turn away from the karts to face him, finding him holding a helmet already sized to you. You step forward, expecting him to slip the helmet onto you, but instead, he steps around you, gathering your hair and expertly putting it into a ponytail at the base of your neck.
You frown at him as he steps back to your front. âWhy do you know how to tie a ponytail?â you ask.
âHm?â he looks up from the helmet at you innocently. âMy mom. I used to watch her do her hair when I was little and wanted to learn,â he explains, shrugging. âI can only do ponytails and regular braids, though. Everything else was too hard.â
You want to laugh at the F1 driver thinking anything more than braids is hard, but instead, youâre so endeared, it hurts.Â
âUgh, youâre so annoyingly perfect.â
He laughs, smiling wide. You openly stare at him as he pulls the helmet over your head, brows furrowed in concentration as he makes sure all your hair is tucked away from your eyes and face, and that everything fits well in all the right places. Then, he fastens the helmet, and when heâs done, he leans back to admire his work and smirks.
âYou look hot.â Before you can throw another tantrum about his flirting, he leans forward and plants a kiss on the helmet where your mouth would be. âGet in.â He turns you around without another word, slapping your butt in the direction of your kart.Â
You yelp in surprise, astounded at how easily you follow directions when Joshua decides to lead. Youâre so used to him letting you take charge, you almost donât know what to do with yourself other than dazedly follow what he says. When youâre all strapped in, he walks over to check, double-check, triple-check that youâve buckled yourself into your kart properly before he leans over you, one hand on each side of the vehicle so heâs caging you in.
âOkay, listen up,â he says in his race voice. You hate the way your posture straightens. âBoth hands on the wheel at all times. Iâm serious. If I see you waving at me when you pass, weâre done, understood?â
You feel shame at the way the space between your legs aches from the way heâs talking to you. âMhmâ is all you can manage.
âFeet flat on the pedalsâright forââ
âShua, Iâve driven a kart before.â
âI donât care,â he says without missing a beat. âFeet flat on the pedals,â he emphatically repeats, very clearly set on giving you the entire safety speech, âright for accelerate, left for brakeâdo not use them at the same time.â
âButââ
âNo,â he says, unknowingly causing the ache to grow. âPower braking is for advanced drivers. You are a little baby driver. So no braking and accelerating at the same time or weâre done.â
âYou did not just call me a baby driver.â
He grins for just a moment before continuing his rundown. âLook ahead and around you. If youâre staring at my bumper, youâll hit it.â
âWhat makes you think Iâll be staring at your bumper?â you taunt him.Â
âYou will be,â he responds simply. Youâre wetting your panties and you donât even care. âBrake before corners, not in the middle of it, and keep your elbows tucked in.â He adjusts the positioning of your arms to show you how he wants you. âIf you spin out, stay in the kartâdo not get out until I come and get you.â
âGot it,â you nod when he pauses for your acknowledgment.
âLastly⊠just be safe, okay?â He taps the top of your helmet. âMy favorite person is under there. Donât let her get hurt.â
Youâre glad the helmet hides the way you turn an undoubtedly startling shade of red. âIâll be as safe as someone can be while kicking a professional F1 driverâs ass.â
He rolls his eyes before glaring at you. âIf you hurt yourself trying to go faster than me, Iâll kill you.â
âNoted.â
He shakes his head in mock exasperation. âLittle miss bossy pants canât take directions, go figure,â he complains, pushing your helmet away from him. You slap at his hands as he stands up. Before he turns to leave, he says one, last time: âI mean it. Be safe. Donât make me regret doing this.â
âI will, Shua,â you whine, feeling adrenaline leaking into your system already. âGo put your helmet on! Hurry up! Weâre losing sunlight!â
Youâve karted before. Sure, it was only once, and it was during a staff bonding day at the Academy so it was very leisurely (aside from Jihyo going 3x faster than the rest of the karts and trash talking every single person on the track), but you are confident you can at least keep your head above water against Joshua, who will surely take it easy on you.
The first few laps, you both go slow, getting the hang of things (you go slow and Joshua just sticks by you). He narrows his eyes at you every time he pulls up next to you and your gaze goes to him, like heâs waiting for you to wave or stick an elbow out or some other forbidden thing. But you break none of the manâs laws, proving to be a model driver.
Until around the 10th lap, when you decide youâre an expert at this track now and youâre ready to grind Joshua into the asphalt. You pick up speed, and sensing youâre no longer interested in a cute sunset drive with him, Joshua matches you. You can feel him throwing looks at you that you decide not to meet. It only takes you two laps to figure out how to edge him out; you were his race engineer after all. You know all his tricks and habits. It takes another for him to overtake you, and another four for you to gain your spot back when you go wide on a turn he defends the inside on. Realistically, youâre only going 60-70mph, but your adrenaline is pumping, and you know if you think about it too much, you might lose control and die from the sheer panic of being in this tiny kart going this fast. But itâs the most fun youâve had in years, and every time you catch a glimpse of Joshuaâs eyes through his helmetâs visors, theyâre little crescents, crinkled in the corners from how hard heâs smiling.
It takes several more laps of the two of you trading P1 and P2 repeatedly before you hear the first booms of thunder, and only a half lap after that before the rain is coming down so hard, you mistake it for hail at first. It immediately takes you out of the race, and you frantically look around for Joshua. Heâs already pulling up ahead of you, one arm held out in your direction, gesturing for you to slow down behind him. You follow, gripping your wheel so hard, youâre sure itâll snap under your fingers. He leads you back to the mouth of your garage, parking and immediately turning toward you and gesturing for you to stay in your kart, so you do, shivering like a chihuahua and letting the rain soak you to your bones.
When his seatbelt is undone, he hauls himself out of the kart, running toward you as he sheds his leather jacket. He throws it over you and leans over, unbuckling you in a manner of seconds. When youâre free, he doesnât wait for you to stand, simply tucking his hands into your armpits and lifting you out like itâs nothing. You sway a little when he sets you on the ground, but his hand finds yours, and heâs leading you back into your garage, both of you looking like you just went swimming in the Atlantic Ocean.
âWhat the fuck?â you complain as you fumble with your buckle. Joshua removes his helmet easily and gently pushes your hands away from your chin, undoing and removing it for you. âWas rain on the forecast?â
âYouâve lived in London for two years and youâre not used to the shitty weather yet?â he asks, laughing as he sets the helmets aside.Â
âNot when Iâm in the middle of kicking Joshua Hongâs ass at his own sport!â you whine. You stop when you notice your best friend frozen where he stands. âUm, are you okay?â
âUh, Iâsorry, Iâmâyourââ he stammers, forcing himself to look away as he gestures at your torso. You look down, just now remembering the very white shirt you're wearing, now completely sheer and displaying your bra freely.
âYouâre wearing white too,â you say dumbly, eyes on the way his nipples poke through the fabric. âAnd you donât even have a bra on.â
He looks back at you incredulously, and after a moment, you both erupt into fits of laughter. When you catch your breath, heâs right there, hands cupping your face. He just stares at you, and you know itâs one of those moments again, so this time, you join him. You take note of the way drops of water race down his tan skin, something else you can add to the list of ridiculous things youâre jealous of. You make sure youâll remember the way his hands feel against your face, soft but rough where his palms meet his fingersâblisters from lifting in the gym. You file away details about his eyes: warm honey, crackling fire, a man in love. You see why he falls silent so often; this feeling is addicting.
âWe should talk,â he says, voice husky as his lips hover over yours.
âWe should,â you agree, hands grasping his forearms when his thumbs start caressing your skin. Your eyes flutter closed.
âWe also have the rest of our lives to talk.â
âWe do.â
He calls your name softly, but it sounds like a gunshot in this moment. You open your eyes.
âI need you,â you answer.
Joshuaâs hands are on you immediately, pulling you flush against his body.Â
His mouth is soft and burning hot compared to the cool drops of water running down his faceâdripping down his hair, his cheeks, his neck, his chest. He pulls at you like he canât get you close enough, even with his tongue inside your mouth, even with his other hand kneading your ass shamelessly. You think this is as close as you can get without completely melding into one another, but you share his urgency anyway. Itâs still not enough.
You lift a leg and hook it onto his hip in an attempt to bring him closer and feel him against youâan attempt to have any kind of friction against your wet, aching cunt. Seeming to know exactly what you want, Joshua holds your leg against him, and breaks your kiss to pull your other leg up and around him, lifting you up into his arms without so much as a grunt. His lips are on yours again, swallowing your squeak of surprise as he walks away from the mouth of the garage.Â
As the only thing in here that even gets close to resembling a bed, you wouldâve guessed your next stop was the couch, but when Joshua begins to hinge at the hips to lower you, and your ass hits a cold, smooth surface, you realize heâs laying you down on the hood of your Mercedes. You let him, laying back all the way and pulling him so heâs bent over you, kissing you so desperately and fervently, you wonder how you ever doubted if Joshua could return your feelings. He kisses you and you feel like youâre all thatâs ever mattered to him.
âThought you hated the Mercedes,â you mutter against his mouth.Â
âFigured fucking you on it might change my mind,â he grunts, pressing his fully hardened length against you, making you forget every thought youâve ever had. You moan loudly at that, and Joshua takes every sound of pleasure, swallowing it down and licking into your mouth for more.
When you break away for air, he doesnât miss a beat, moving to your neck to leave open-mouthed kisses, nipping and biting teasingly as he does.
âDonât you dare,â you breathe. Youâre not going to be forced to wear turtlenecks as the weather gets warmer.
âI would never,â he says far too innocently for you to believe it. A moment passes before he smirks into your skin and adds: âNot anywhere anyone else can see, at least.â
The words send a thrill straight to your pussy, and you know Joshua feels it from the way your thighs squeeze around him infinitesimally. But of course, he notices, and instead of teasing you some more like you expect him to, his movements suddenly become crazed, his hands moving from your thighs to the waist of your jeans, undoing the button and zipper frighteningly fast. You immediately lift your hips up and he shoves your jeans down, practically ripping your shoes off and pulling your pants completely off you. He quickly comes back between your legs, and when he sees you laid out on the hood of your own car like thisâjust in your panties with your bra very visible underneath your wet shirt and your legs once again wrapped around himâyou can see the moment he completely loses his composure.Â
His eyes darken, and for the first time, you see Joshua Hongâs patience truly crack as he starts to undo his own belt and pants, hands shaking with near-unmanageable desire. He doesnât give you what you want just yet, though, keeping his cock in his boxers and too far out of your reach for your liking. Instead, he roughly shoves your panties aside, holds your gaze once more, and starts to collect your pleasure on his finger tips, running them up and down your folds. You try to maintain eye contact. You try to keep your eyes open so you can admire how absolutely fucking divine Joshua is when he looks at you like thisâlike youâre something to worshipâbut when he plunges a finger into you without warning, your effort is for nothing. You groan lewdly, eyes squeezing shut without your permission. His free hand comes to your hip, holding it down firmly to keep you from squirming too much against the cool metal.Â
His finger is long and reaches the right places as he pumps it in and out of you, masterfully drawing the most foul moans out of youâsounds you havenât even heard yourself make. Youâve had enough nights out in whatever city your job took you to by now to know that no one has ever made you feel the way you do in this moment.Â
âMore, Shua,â you gasp, gripping his forearm and fighting to keep from bucking your hips. âGod, please, more.â
He curses under his breath as he bends over you, releasing your hip to rest his forearm next to your head. Just as he adds a second finger, he catches your lips with his, effectively swallowing the obscene noises your mouth keeps trying to make. You know you can take a third, but you donât even have the mind to ask for it because he finds the ridged spot inside you and immediately starts making a beckoning motion with his fingers. You canât help but tear your mouth away from his as you throw your head back in dizzying pleasure.
âJoshua,â you moan, feeling completely helpless under him.
âPretty,â he mutters, kissing your jawline sweetly and gentlyâa stark contrast to the way heâs fucking you open with his fingers. âYou sound so fucking pretty.â Something about knowing Joshua curses during sex makes you even wetter. âAnd you look even prettier. All ready for me like this.âÂ
You sigh into the kisses he leaves across your skin. âBeen ready,â you breathe, barely understanding what youâre saying yourself between the cloudiness in your brain and the sound of the rain pounding on pavement just outside the garage. His fingers slow inside you. âWaited for you for so long. Loved you for so long, Shua.â
The words are out before you even realize your mouth was planning to say them. Youâre not sure you even realize you said them at all until Joshua speaks. His fingers stop inside you for a few moments before he completely withdraws them. You blink your eyes open slowly, chest heaving as you try to catch your breath.
Before you can find the energy to lift your head, heâs nose-to-nose with you, eyes searching yours like theyâre looking for any semblance of this being some kind of illusion. When he finds whatever it is he wants, he smiles softly and kisses your lips so gently, you immediately miss the ghost of his mouth as soon as he pulls away.Â
âI love you,â he whispers, breath hitting your lips as he does. âFrom the time I met you, through the two years we didnât speak, and I reckon for the rest of my life. I love you.â
You will yourself to keep from crying at the words. Seven years, two of them wasted for nothing, and this still couldnât have been more perfect than this. You nod as a tear traitorously escapes, sliding down your face and into the hood of your car.
âI love you,â you say more consciously this time.Â
The words do it for him, and he roughly pulls you lower on the hood before he shoves his boxers down and wraps a fist around his cock, pumping a few times before he leans back down to kiss you. You cage his face with your hands as he does, your own heart beating furiously against your ribcage.Â
âDonât have a condom,â he grumbles between kisses. You hear the worry in his voice and you smile.
âDonât want one.â
âFuck.â
You gasp, hips twitching, when you feel the tip of Joshuaâs dick run up and down your slit.
âGod, youâre so fucking wet,â he groans, breaking the kiss to squeeze his eyes shut. You dig your heels into his back to bring him closer, hoping itâll help quicken the process. He resists, though, opening his eyes to watch you. âHey, slowly.â You pout and he laughs. âDonât want to hurt you.â
âWhat if I want you to hurt me?âÂ
He proves to you in one motion that he truly is in the business of giving you what you want because one moment, youâre desperately pressing your heel against his back, and the next, youâre filled to the brim with Joshua Hong. He buries his cock in you, and his eyes never leave your face as you both adjust to the sensation, your walls furiously pulsing around him.
âHoly shit,â he breathes.
You canât bring yourself to speak when youâre so full like this. Mindlessly, you bring your hands down his neck, to his shoulders, down his wet shirt. You catch sight of his nipples again, and you bite your lip as you reach out to pinch one. You gasp when it causes Joshua to buck his hips into you, dick so impossibly far inside you, youâre sure thereâs nowhere else for him to go.Â
âPlease move,â you beg as you release his nipple, gripping his shirt like a needy, hungry slut. Your grasp on it sends water running down your arms, but you donât mindâor noticeâbecause Joshua is your driver. And he has always been good at giving you exactly what you ask for.
He kisses you once before holding himself up and starts rocking his hips slowly, barely leaving the warmth of your pussy to allow you some time to adjust. When you start to rock your hips with his, though, he throws all caution to the wind, drawing out all the way before mercilessly slamming back into you. After that, you donât have to ask for anything else; he freely gives it all to you.Â
The garage is a cacophony of sounds as he fucks you on the hood of your Roadster. The creaking of the car under the weight of you two. Skin slapping against skin. The filthy squelch of your soaking cunt sucking Joshua in. Heavy sheets of rain. But most beautiful and addicting of all: the grunts and moans escaping Joshuaâs mouth with every thrust. Theyâre softâalmost inaudible amongst everything elseâbut every single one drives you closer and closer to an orgasm.
Itâs something about knowing that youâre the reason why he feels so goodâwhy his brows furrow in the middle like heâs desperately trying to fight off his own climax. You suddenly need to be closer, and the only way you can be when his dick is already inside you, is by kissing him. You push up off the hood of the car, his rhythm stuttering as you sit up, careful to keep him inside you. You come chest-to-chest and eye-to-eye with him, and he wraps his arms around your waist as he starts to move again in this new position. You hold his face once more as you guide his lips down to yours.
The moment your lips touch, a sharp ache of pleasure reverberates through your core, and you know youâre closer than you thought you were.
âIâm going to come, Shua,â you whisper against the kiss. His hips reflexively snap forward faster and harder. âOh my god. Shua, IâmâIâm going toââ
âOpen your eyes,â he says, pulling away from you enough to look at you. You didnât realize you had closed your eyes in the first place. His voice is as soft and gentle as it always is, but the unrestrained desire coursing through the demand makes goosebumps erupt across your skin. âLook at me when I make you come.â
His gazeâhard and determinedâis trained on you when you follow directions and open your eyes, and it shoves you even closer to the edge.
âThatâs it,â he breathes, one hand coming up to cradle the side of your face. He runs his thumb across your lower lip, and he curses when your tongue presses against it. âMy pretty fucking baby. Look at you.âÂ
Hearing the pet name when heâs conscious and not fully passed out on your couch makes you lose it.
âUgh, Shua,â you whine, eyes rolling as you tilt your head back in mind-numbing pleasure. Itâs almost enough to bring you to tears.
âUh-uh,â he grips your chin and tugs, forcing your gaze back down on him.Â
âOh my god,â you dry-sob. âIâm going toâIâmââ
Your words die on your tongue as your orgasm rips through you, strong enough that your vision goes dark for a moment. Against your will, you clench as hard as humanly possible, inspiring a litany of curses from Joshua, and you use your own bottom lip as a gag to keep from screaming. Itâs a lot, so much, and too much, but he fucks you through it, his pace becoming slow and languid, rolling into you gently to refrain from overstimulating you. You feel boneless as you slump against Joshua, who peppers the crown of your head with kisses before laying you back down on your hood.
âYou did so well,â he mutters, as his hips slow to a practical stop. He leans down, shoves your shirt up, and pulls your bra cup aside, mouthing your nipple and causing your cunt to spasm even harder. He doesnât let that stop him, though. âDo you think you can take more?â he asks softly, biting and sucking at the flesh of your breast and making good on his promise to leave marks where no one else will see them.
âYes,â you nod frantically. Youâll never forgive yourself if you donât get Joshua his own orgasm the first time you finally sleep with him. âYes, yes. Please, keep going.â
âSo eager,â he chuckles, pressing his lips to the newly blooming mark on your chest.
You donât answer, instead gently unwrapping yourself from him and kicking him away. He makes a disgruntled noise of surprise when he slips out of you. You readjust your bra and shirt before you slide off the Roadster, hook your thumbs into the band of your panties, and push the irreparably soiled pair to the ground, kicking them away as you do. Joshuaâs mouth falls open in awe, as if he isnât standing there, wet, see-through shirt and dick hanging out of his pants like a fucking god.
You plant a quick kiss on his lips before you turn away from him, bend over, and rest your head on your crossed forearms on the hood, making a show of arching your back and rocking your ass a bit.
âIâm a little eager,â you say as you briefly lift your head to look over your shoulder at him. His eyes are on your ass, his hand hovering over your hip like heâs afraid to touch you. His gaze flicks up to you. âArenât you?â
âYouâre going to kill me.â
âThen we should have some more fun before that happens.â
He finally lets the hovering hand rest on you, squeezing your hip tightly as his other hand starts to massage your left ass cheek, his groans growing louder each time he spreads it apart and exposes you. You impatiently push your hips back when you feel his tip at your hole, but his strong grip on you stops you from moving any closer. He doesnât admonish you or withhold anything from you as punishment though; it seems his own patience canât handle that much today. He pushes back into you at his own agonizing pace, chanting your name as he does. When he finally bottoms out, he rests his forehead between your shoulder blades, a mixture of his sweat and rainwater dripping onto your shirt. His breaths are ragged, and you know it isnât going to take much to get him to the finish line now.
Without another word between the two of you, his cock drags out slowly before his hips snap forward and his large handsâgrip so tight, you think he may leave bruisesâyank your hips back to meet him with near violent force. You gasp at the roughness, but you donât tell him to stop, relishing in the idea that something about fucking you brings out a side of Joshua you donât get to see any other time.Â
âYou look so beautiful like this, spread out for me,â he breathes, words barely discernible as he grunts and groans from the feeling of you clamping down around him.Â
âAll for you,â you respond, reminding him that for you, itâs only ever been him. âOnly for you.â
âFuck.â His pace quickens.
One hand frees your hip and slips under the back of your shirt, expertly undoing the hooks of your bra. When it snaps open and loosens around you, he leans forward so that his chest is pressed up against your back, and the same hand presses against your stomach, trailing up until itâs cupped around the same breast he marked earlier.Â
âOh my god,â he near-whimpers as he massages your breast, fingers catching the nipple and pinching mercilessly.Â
âJoshua!â you cry, hips twitching against his.Â
âYouâre so goddamn perfect, you know that?â he asks almost frantically now. He fucks into you like heâs completely lost control of his own body, his hips jerking back and forth erratically and his hands caressing every inch of you they canâyour tits, your stomach, your back, and finally, your clit. âSo perfect and all mine.â
He rubs the spot, heightening the sensation of his cock pounding into you and his mouth leaving hot kisses on you, and you feel yourself quickly hurdling toward another orgasm. You know one more like the first and youâll be too overstimulated to go on.
âShua,â you gasp, breaths broken as you move with Joshuaâs rhythm. âShua, baby, please tell me youâre close. Please, Iââ
âIâm right there, baby,â he moans. âIâm goingâIâwhere do you want me?â
âInside,â you say quickly. âInside, oh god. Fill me up, Shua. Please, god, fill me withââ
You donât beg for long because Joshua delivers, his cock pulsing against your walls as he empties himself into you, his cum thick and hot as it finds a home inside your cunt.
âFuck!â His hips roll as he insists on fucking every last drop into you, and the entire time, his fingers donât let up on your clitânot until youâre right there with him, coming so hard it has your back arching and lifting right up against Joshuaâs chest, head tilted toward the ceiling. He holds you to him as his hips start to slow, his mouth on your neck as he fucks you through a second orgasm.
âOh fuck,â you gasp, watching Joshua with heavy-lidded eyes as he holds you up. His hand splays across your throat, his pointer finger on your chin. He leans down to catch your lips, and you canât help but moan into his mouth when you feel his cock twitch inside you.
âHoly shit,â he breathes when you break the kiss and collapse onto your Roadster. He immediately begins massaging the space between your shoulders, a weak attempt at distracting you as he slowly pulls out. You wince from the sensation of being empty anyway.
The warmth of his hips and chest against you disappear, but youâre too limp to lift your head up and see where heâs going. You hear the sound of zipping and rummaging, and when he comes back, you feel a tissue gently wiping at the cum between your legs before Joshua is guiding each of your feet into the legs of sweatsâhis, you assume. He brings it up, kissing your bare cheeks before he properly situates the sweats on your hips. He even reaches around you and tightens the band, tying it into a tight bow for you. When thatâs done, he gently pulls you up and turns you around, sitting you down on the edge of your Mercedes.
He gestures for you to put your arms up. You obey, and he removes your soaked top and bra before replacing them with one of his huge McLaren shirtsâone you recognize heâs used as a sleeping shirt numerous times at your apartment.Â
When heâs all done, he presses his forehead to yours, his smile lazy and fucked out and best of all, blissful. You imagine you look the same.
âYou love me,â he says, smile widening at his own words.
âI do,â you confirm. âAnd you love me.â
âI do.â His hands squeeze your sides as he pulls you closer to him.
âAnd youâre still happier than any other moment weâve had?â you ask, thinking about the two of you in bed in Shanghai.Â
His answer carries zero hesitation. âNo doubt about it.â
A/N: hope you enjoyed bc iâm gonna go kms now :)
â Summary: F1 driver Vernon is no stranger to stunning women whispering wicked things in his ear during race season, but no voice has stopped his heart quite like yours. The âmissingâ younger sister of one of his oldest friends. The girl who disappeared two years ago without a word. And now, youâre on his lap with your bare breasts pressed against his chest. Heâs horrified to learn that youâre working at an exclusive strip club, tangled in a complicated contract where sex appeal is currency, personal relationships are forbidden, and your freedom is nothing but a twisted illusion. He wants you out, but walking away from a fantasy life built on status and money isnât that simple. So, in a last-ditch effort, he offers you something else. Something real. A fresh start on the circuit as his assistant, where you can rebuild your future, possibly even a future by his side.
â vernon x f.reader | 8.1k words | 18+
â genre: smut, f1 sport au, estranged acquaintances, friendâs younger sister, forbidden romance, forced proximity, slow burn if you squint, redemption arc/second chance/fresh start, only one bed
â Full Fic Warnings: racer!vern x stripper!reader, lots of mentions of tits (especially in the beginning club scene), heâs well known for being a bit of a dick, heâs also tatted up (YUM). morally grey decision making, toxic choices, unsafe driving/racing tactics, car crashes & fires, mentions of injuries, family issues/trauma, judgement/feeling out of place, alcohol consumption, mentions & accusations of prostitution, physical fighting, keeping secrets, secrets spilled, mentions of blood, strong language, unprotected & explicit sex, multiple smut scenes, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, dirty talk, pain kink (digging your heels into his skin, unsure who likes it more), breast & nipple play, fingering in public, mild exhibitionism, biting, hair pulling, pet names & name calling, praise, hansol has no self restraint when it comes to you, bratty!reader, bossy protective & posessive!hansol, soft & rough sex, throat fucking, sloppy oral, cock swallowing, choking on vernâs cock, jealousy, size kink, teasing, spanking, pussy slapping, body worship, creampie, begging, & prob more tbh
The following morning, sunlight leaks through the curtains, filtering across your hotel bed in golden streaks. You shift against the sheets, reluctant to wake up until the brightness eventually forces your eyes open.
You lie there for a moment, enjoying the warmth as your eyes focus, reliving last night over again for what feels like the hundredth timeâuntil a wave of sudden dread washes over you.
âShit!â you gasp, jerking up as panic floods your body. âOh my god, what time is it?â You fling yourself across the bed, grabbing your phone off the charger with clumsy fingers.
7:48 a.m.
You sigh, âThank god.â Itâs not even past eight; youâre safe for now.
Not even a second later, it dings in your hand. Something in your chest flutters as your heart sees the name on your screen. Itâs a text from Vernon.
You hesitate to unlock your phone, your heart rate rising as you consider all the things he could have said.
Heading to meet a potential new sponsor with Ash. Review emails and update our schedule for the next week.
OhâŠ
Another text bubble pops up directly underneath it.
Ideally no interviews before 10 a.m., unless itâs something big.
Your thumb hovers over the keyboard. So heâs pretending last night didnât happen? Pretending he didnât have you pressed against the elevator wall with his mouth on yours?
A thousand reckless replies flash through your mindâsome angry, some unprofessional, perhaps one even a little dirty. Groaning out of annoyance, you delete every word and type something safe instead, before pressing send.
Good luck with the meeting!
Iâll send you the schedule for you to confirm after reviewing everything.
Barely a second later, another bubble pops up. Your cheeks heat up thinking about him sitting there watching your typing bubble, waiting for your response to come through his phone.
Meet me in the lobby at 7 tonight, weâll ride together to the event.
Wear something nice. Formal-nice, not club-nice ;)
Your breath catches. He did not just send you a winky face emoji. Just like that, the line between work and whatever last night was begins to blur again. You donât even know how to reply to that. Is he attempting to flirt? Or simply teasing you about your fashion taste? You groan again, deciding another safe text is your best bet.
Will do!
Your phone dings again, breaking the tension. This time, Rui.
Morning, babe. Meet me at Lxce after lunch! A little birdie told me weâve got some serious dress hunting to do.
You smile. Ruiâs timing is perfect. Itâs a reminder that not everything in your life has to feel so complicated. Sometimes, things do work out for you.
Your mind drifts back to Vernonâhis hands, his voice, the heat in his eyes that should never have been aimed at you. The kiss hadnât been gentle, but you could feel his restraint. The way he forced himself to hold back, as if he was fighting his inner demons from taking over.
And tonight, you might just test how long that self-control of his can last.
After what feels like an endless stream of emails, back-to-back phone calls, and a handful of DMs, you finally finish arranging Vernonâs schedule for the next week and a half.
Thereâs hardly time to breathe before you move straight to your next task. Using the spare key in your bag, you let yourself into Vernonâs hotel room. His scent lingers in the space, warm and masculine, clinging to the rumpled bedsheets and his worn clothes. You breathe in deep, and for a split second, your heart flutters in a way you know it shouldnât.
All of the post-win Interviews, sponsorship negotiation gossip, and trending highlight reels have the fans in a frenzy. Jin, Vernonâs head of security, warned you earlier that some of them had already figured out which hotel he was staying in. Which means in addition to this morningâs correspondence, you also needed to rebook his room, yours, and more staff. And now, on top of everything else, youâre in a rush to pack his belongings.
You head straight for his nightstand, gathering his things and placing them into his bag. Though your fingers pause when they brush against the watch he always wears on event days.
In the bathroom, his cologne sits uncapped on the counter. You lean in, stealing a breath of the scent, and another wave of flutters stirs inside you, impossible to ignore. You shake your head and mutter under your breath, âY/N, get it together. Thereâs no time for this.â
By the time youâre hauling both your bags and his down to the lobby, Jin is waiting.
âMs. Y/N!â he greets warmly. âThat was quick. Is this everything?â
âYes! These are mine, though,â you say, nudging the smaller set of luggage to the side.
âIâll get these delivered to the new location. Still need to finish scouting the place, checking exits, the usual.â
âI appreciate it,â you reply with a grateful smile, finally letting yourself exhale. Youâre finally done with âworkâ for the day. Now, the rest will be fun.
In the car ride over to Lcxe, the luxurious formal wear boutique, you get lost in thought. You canât help but wonder what Rui has planned this time. You had looked up the store earlier this morning, but couldnât find a whole lot of information, as itâs by appointment only with a limited website.
Regardless, it doesnât matter. Playing dress-up always lifts your spirits, tugging you back to the old days when clients would pay just to watch you slip into exquisite gowns and couture.
âHi, gorgeous!â Rui beams the moment you step inside. âThis is Baila, sheâll be helping us this afternoon. Come in, come in.â He loops his arm around yours and leads you deeper into the boutique. âWe have a lot of work to do.â
âI donât even know where to begin,â you breathe, turning in a slow circle to take in the room. Dresses line the walls in a cascade of beautiful colors and textures. Some hand-beaded silk, others delicate lace, and airy layers of tulle so light they look like spun sugar. Itâs almost overwhelming, except you love it.
Baila appears with the first round, and soon youâre slipping in and out of gowns beneath the soft fitting-room lights. A slinky black satin dress hugs every curve, making Rui whistle dramatically. A vibrant pink tulle number makes you laugh until your stomach aches, the skirt practically swallowing you whole. Then thereâs a beaded gown that glitters like starlight; itâs so heavy you can feel the weight of it settle on your shoulders the moment itâs zipped.
Each dress brings a new reaction, Rui and Baila both oohing and awing during the reveals. Each change of fabric and silhouette type shows you a different version of yourself in the mirror.
âHmm, maybe we need to rethink our process here,â Baila muses, lips pursed as she rifles through a rack. Her perfectly arched brows draw together in concentration. âRemind me again of what Mr. Chwe plans to wear tonight?â
âBlack suit, red stitching,â Rui answers, waving a hand dramatically. âWhy donât we look for something that complements that? Intentionally coordinatingâŠI like it. And imagine the photos, absolutely stunning! Especially since youâre his date. Everyone will want a photo.â
Your head snaps up. âOh, Iâm not his date. Weâre justâŠgoing together.â
âI was there when he listed you as his plus one, sweetie,â Rui says with a sly grin. âThatâs date territory.â
You force a little laugh, though your chest tightens. Surely he only invited you for work purposesâŠright? Itâs not a real date. Heâs your boss, and you're hisâŠstripper friend turned assistant.
Before you can spiral further, Baila lets out a triumphant âAha!â She pulls out a striking gown from the rack; itâs a deep crimson that gleams under the boutiqueâs lights.
âItâs exquisite, I just donât usually wear red,â you say, hesitating. âDoesnât it clash with my hair? Thatâs, like, a fashion no-no, right?â You glance between them for confirmation, twirling a piece between your fingers
Baila shakes her head confidently. âI know what you mean, but the contrast between the shades will work for you. It wonât competeâitâll highlight.â
âExactly,â Rui adds, eyes bright. âI see her vision. Just try it on. If you hate it, weâll pivot. But if you love itâŠâ He gives a dramatic pause. âGame over.â
You step into the fitting room again, slipping into the smooth, silky fabric that glides over your skin like water. The gown clings in all the right places, and the cut is elegant yet daring. The back dips low, a wide cutout just below your shoulder blades that runs all the way down to just above the curve of your butt. Suspended across the open space, a delicate gold chain drapes like jewelry against your bare skin, a single red jewel swaying when you shift, catching the light.
Taking a careful step out, you gather the fabric slightly in your hands so you donât trip, already reminding yourself to wear your tallest heels tonight. The dress deserves it, plus, you donât want to accidentally tear this work of art.
âNow that was literally designed for you,â Rui gushes, eyes sparkling as he circles you. You turn toward the giant mirror, catching the full view of your back, watching the jewel glimmer with each breath.
âThatâs it. Thatâs the dress.â Baila says, resting her hands on her hips as she nods.
You trail your hands down your sides, almost in disbelief. âI think youâre right.â
The three of you let out a squeal in unison, celebrating the find. This went way better than expected.
After slipping back into your earlier clothes, Baila carefully zips the gown into a protective garment bag, handling it like treasure. You head toward the counter to pay, but Rui smoothly steps in, already pulling out a card.
âDonât worry about it, Vernon told me to take care of it.â
You freeze. âWhat? How did he even know about this? I thought Ash was the one who reached out to you.â
âI mean, yeah, she did,â Rui admits with a shrug, âBut heâs the one who actually set all of this up.â
He did? That little revelation lingers in your head. Why would he care to do that?
âWell, I gotta run, babe,â Rui says, pulling you into a quick hug. âIâll see you tonight in that hot new dress, okay?â
âYou certainly will. Thanks again for yourââ Your stomach growls loudly, cutting you off.
Rui raises an eyebrow. âTrying on all those dresses worked up an appetite, huh?â
âSorry,â you laugh sheepishly. âIâve just been so busy today, I guess I forgot to eat. Iâll grab something once I drop this back off at the hotel.â
He narrows his eyes, like he wants to scold you but decides against it. âHmm, alright. Iâll see you in a couple of hours.â
âYes, of course,â you reassure with a smile. âBye, and thank you!â
On your way out, a sign across the street catches your attention, then a mannequin in the window dressed in a black lingerie set thatâs as bold as it is beautiful. The kind of piece that makes everyone happy just by simply existing.
You hesitate only a moment before glancing up and down the street, waiting for a break in traffic. Then you dart across quickly, heart picking up as though youâre sneaking off to do something you shouldnât.
Inside, cool air greets you along with a sales associate who instantly notices where your eyes are lingering. With a knowing smile, she guides you toward the display, where the set waits in every possible size, laid out like forbidden fruit waiting to be picked. You hadnât exactly planned on buying anything to wear under the dress, but standing here surrounded by delicate lace and silk, temptation wins.
Who cares if no one else sees it? Just knowing you have it on will make you feel powerful, dangerous, seductive. A secret weapon hidden under satin. And maybe it wonât stay a secret.
Perhaps tonight ends in someone elseâs bedâŠor maybe thatâs just a dangerous little fantasy. Either way, you slip your size into the worker's hands who helps you check out. You thank her for the quick service, feeling as though youâve just gotten away with something.
As if the universe is conspiring to spoil you, the very next building you pass flaunts a giant âFLASH SALEâ sign over the entrance to a designer shoe boutique.
The sensible angel on your shoulder tells you to keep walking. The little demon smirks and whispers, You canât wear a new dress or new lingerie with old shoesâŠ
You already know which voice youâre listening to.
Soft music plays inside, and gorgeous shoes of all kinds are set out on velvet displays. And there, sitting dead center as if lit by a spotlight only you can see, waits a pair of black stilettos that stop you dead in your tracks.
At first glance, they seem ordinary until you take a closer look at the ankle strap. What makes these so unforgettable is the gold snake cuff winding up the ankle, with metal scales etched with impossible detail. The head is slightly lifted, the snakeâs mouth open in a frozen strike.
Theyâre beautiful yet striking. And they instantly remind you of Vernonâs viper tattoo, holding the same aura of restrained dominance.
Well, the decisionâs made, feeling more like fate than anything.
Minutes later, the shoes are boxed and bagged, joining your other indulgences of the day. You step back out into the street with a big smile. With a satisfied sigh, you wave down a taxi and give the driver the address to your new hotel.
Even if tonight turns out to be pure chaos, at least youâll be looking like the devilâs favorite sin.
While waiting at the front desk for the receptionist to hand you the keycard for your room and the spare for Vernonâs, your phone buzzes. Speaking of him, itâs a text about craving takeout from a small street market vendor just a few blocks away.
Perfect timing. Grabbing his food gives you the perfect excuse to get something to eat too. You drop your things off in the room, making sure to hang up your dress so it isnât wrinkled, before stepping back out into the warm early evening air.
The market is alive with the scent of grilled meats, sweet sauces, and fried snacks mingling together, and the soft chatter of passersby drifts around you as you make the short walk to the vendorâs cart.
The couple running the stall greets you with cheerful smiles, their hands busy arranging skewers over a smoky grill. You place Vernonâs order, satay beef skewers and popiah, then glance at the neatly stacked trays of food, asking for a recommendation for yourself. The gentleman behind the cart gestures toward the chicken rice, explaining itâs one of their most popular dishes. The fragrant aroma of tender chicken and ginger-laced rice fills the air around you.
Your order is ready in minutes. You find a spot on a low stone bench near the bustling street market and unwrap the food, letting the savory scents envelop you. Families and couples drift past, pausing to peer at colorful stalls and sample snacks, their laughter mingling with the sizzle of grills and the calls of vendors.
You take a bite and moan. The flavors are perfectly balanced; the dish is savory, fragrant, and has just the right hint of spice. Whether itâs the fact that you were starving, or the care that went into making the meal, it hits the spot. You close your eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of the evening and the hum of the street around you seep into every bite.
With a satisfied stomach and a little extra energy, you notice a spring in your step as you head back to the hotel. Part of it is from the food, no doubt, but another part is the excitement building inside you as the night draws closer.
You have just about two hours to recharge your social battery and get ready for the charity gala.
Outside Vernonâs suite, you knock, fully expecting him to answer. Instead, youâre met with silence. You knock a few more times, ear close to the door, hoping youâll hear some movement. But still nothing. You fumble for the spare key in your purse, quietly letting yourself inside.
âVernon?â you call, your voice softer now, more cautious in case heâs napping, but thereâs no reply.
The faint sound of running water drifts from the bathroom. You follow it, your pulse quickening. The door is slightly ajar. And you know you shouldnât, but your curiosity wins.
Peeking in, you see him through the foggy glass. Shapes emerge more than details. You canât see much beyond the width of his shoulders, the sweeping darkness of his tattoos covering his legs, stomach, and chest. His entire body is practically inkedâŠyou donât know what to do with that information right now. Itâs too much.
You freeze for a moment, caught between awe and something far more primal as your core squeezes. Right now, you want nothing more than to shed your own clothes and step inside. Wanting to feel the warmth of him, the tension of his body under your hands. Wanting to trail your tongue along each black line on his skin. The fantasy alone makes your pulse spike.
Between the scent of Vernonâs body wash and the half-hidden view of his naked body, your senses are on overdrive. It all makes it nearly impossible to think of anything else but climbing in there next to him, climbing him, for that matter.
The water cuts off abruptly, and you let out a startled gasp, stepping back. But, as your luck would have it, your foot catches the edge of a footrest jutting from the armchair. You stumble backwards, twisting around and scrambling to regain your balance, only managing a few unsteady steps before somethingâsomeoneâbumps into you from behind.
âI thought I heard you,â he says, his voice low, teasing, each word deliberately measured.
Turning around, youâre met with a very wet Vernon holding a towel that barely covers his lower half. His hair is still damp, and water droplets fall down the side of his neck. Youâre frozen in place, unable to form a coherent answer.
Your eyes are glued to him, tracing the dark ink of his tattoos across every inch of his skin. You want to memorize the way his muscles flex beneath the patterns, the way his ab muscles shift with each step he takes closer. Itâs mesmerizing, impossible to look away from, every line and shadow pulling your gaze like a magnet.
Your eyes drift lower, and for a second, they lock onto the subtle outline of his half-hard cock hidden behind the towel. Heat rushes to your cheeks as you swallow hard. Forgetting entirely what youâre here for.
âNeed something?â he smirks, unable to hide the playful tone in his voice. Snapping out of your daze, your cheeks warm.
You jerk your gaze back up to meet his, those golden eyes glinting with amusement.
âNo! UmâŠhere,â you stammer, thrusting the takeout bag toward him before pivoting and practically sprinting toward the door.
âIâll see you in a couple of hours, ideally dressed,â he calls after you, voice teasing, making it impossible not to bite your lip on the way out.
You slip out before your brainâor your bodyâcan make any rash decisions. Once in the quiet hall, you take a slow, shuddering breath, trying to steady yourself as your pulse races. A few steps later, you reach your own door and step inside, closing it behind you.
Leaning against it, you press a hand over your heart, feeling it hammer with a mix of anticipation and something darker. Something almost dangerous simmers just beneath the surface.
Ever since last night, Vernon has been dying to sayâdoâa million things to you. That kiss had barely scratched the surface. He wanted more. Wanted to feel you, tease you, lose himself in you. But he doesnât want to push too hard, not yet. So heâs been taking it slow, careful. His attention has been focused on helping you through a day thatâs already overwhelming, making it about easing your stress rather than whisking you off somewhere private to indulge in the desire growing between you.
This morning, on the drive to the sponsorship meeting, Ash mentions casually that she hopes Rui wonât be too busy today.
Curious, Vernon asks why, and she fills him in. Between managing his schedule and anticipating his needs, you havenât remembered to find a dress for the gala tonight. Ash only realized last night and suggested you ask Rui for a little help.
Vernon nods thoughtfully, slipping his phone from his pocket. A quick text, a brief call to a popular boutique, and suddenly the afternoon is blocked off. Itâs all taken care of before you even have a chance to worry.
âHappy?â he asks, glancing at Ash, whoâs looking at him with a hint of mischief. Heâs fully aware sheâs been eavesdropping.
âVery,â she admits, a slow, secretive smile spreading across her face as she pieces it together. Vernonâs grin widens, satisfied too. Not just with his plan, but with the subtle way heâs able to make you feel cared for, even from a distance.
After the sponsorship meeting, which went pretty good by his standards, Vernon heads back to the hotel to get ready. His tailor and Rui will be stopping by his room for one last suit fitting, both wanting to ensure every stitch is perfect.
Vernon is more interested in hearing from Rui, wanting to know if the dress situation has been sorted out.
âThe damsel is officially no longer in distress,â Rui says with a teasing tilt of his head. âIn fact, sheâs turning into royalty tonight. Well, as long as she doesnât pass out between now and then.â
Vernonâs eyebrows shoot up. âWhat do you mean? Is she not feeling well? Is something wrong?â
Rui squints at him, a slow, knowing smile tugging at his lips. Why is everyone giving him that look today? First Ash, now RuiâŠ
âShe didnât have time for lunch today,â Rui explains, âAnd knowing her, she probably skipped breakfast too. She said sheâd eat once she got back here, butâŠâ His sentence trailed off, the concern hanging between them unspoken but clear. He doesnât need to be told twice.
âHand me my phone,â Vernon demands, hand held out.
The tailor reaches over and passes it to Rui, who hands it directly to Vernon. Without another thought, Vernon sent you a quick text, wanting takeout from a local market he knows is nearby. Knowing that once you smell the food, youâll be urged to get something too.
He could have just texted you to eat, but this way, you think itâs your own idea. Whatever helps keep you fueled and steady on his arm tonight.
Vernonâs been holding it together ever since he met you in the lobby, guiding you out to the waiting town car with a fake calmness. When what he really wanted was to drag you back upstairs, press you against the nearest wall, and take you the way heâs been craving.
He smiled for the press lined up on either side of the red carpet leading into the gala, letting them take as many photos as they wanted. He was just happy to have you on his arm.
Now inside, heâs playing nice, exchanging polite greetings with gala guests whose names slip from his memory as quickly as theyâre offered. Itâs not his fault. His head is too full of you. Always you. Especially when you look like that.
He turns slightly, stealing a glance at you. Your arm is linked through his, and he feels the vibrations as you laugh at something someone says, and the sound tugs at something in his chest. You look exquisite. Your red hair is pinned up in a way that makes you look untouchable, though a few carefully loosed curls trail down and frame your neck, drawing his gaze lower⊠to the delicate slope of your collarbone, and the swell of your breasts.
From his height, he catches a glimpse of black lace peeking just above the neckline of your dress. The sight alone has him burning, unable to think of anything else besides peeling your dress off, inch by inch, to uncover whatâs waiting beneath.
And that dressâŠfuck. Whether itâs silk or satin, he couldnât say, but the way it clings to you, draping across every curve like it was made for you, is enough to undo him. The color is a deep cherry red, a perfect match to the color painted across your lipsâthe very lips he finally tasted last night.
The memory hits him hard. His length stirs against the confines of his tailored pants as he recalls his body pressed against yours, the warmth of your skin, the lingering taste of minty gum on your tongue. That kiss hadnât been nearly enough, and standing this close to you now only makes the hunger worse.
âVernon!â someone calls from across the room.
âExcuse us,â he says politely to the group youâd been speaking with, guiding you through the crowd toward a circle of his racing friends.
He stops beside a tall figure with a wide grin. âThis is Mingyu,â Vernon says, âmy closest friend outside of Virex.â
Mingyu, a driver for Team Mercedes, takes your hand. He shakes it slowly as his charm dials up without hesitation. âLovely to finally meet you,â he says, his eyes lingering a moment too long. Then, with a cocky grin, he adds, âWhat are you doing on this loserâs arm?â
You laugh, before covering your mouth with a hand, âSorry, Iâm sorry. That caught me by surprise. I know youâre kidding, but itâs hard to picture Vernon losing anything.â
Vernon appreciates the ego boost.
âSeven hundred and fifty million fans. Two hundred and twenty miles per hour. Twenty-four races. Only one champion. And thatâs going to be me, sweetheart,â He finishes the boast with a wink. âSure you donât want to jump teams?â
Vernon scoffs, âDonât you need to actually win some races first before you crown yourself champion?â
Mingyu is about to snap back, but his confidence wavers as his eyes land on the newest arrival. Ash glides toward the group like she owns the room. Vernon notices Mingyuâs throat bob with a hard swallow and has to bite back a smile.
âOh my god! Ash, you look absolutely stunning,â you gush. Then, with a sly glance in Mingyuâs direction, you add, âRight, Mingyu? Doesnât she look incredible? The slit on your dress makes your legs look lethal.â
Vernon catches your tone instantly. Youâre setting him up, teasing, and he loves it.
Mingyu stumbles over his words, muttering a quick, âY-yeah, incredible,â before tossing back the last of his drink. He excuses himself abruptly, mumbling something about a refill.
Vernonâs grin finally breaks through, wide and unrestrained. He knows exactly what you just did, and he approves, one hundred percent. Those two need a little push. Itâs been two seasons full of tension that is eventually going to snapâif it hasnât alreadyâŠ
âVern, mind if I pull Y/N away to meet some of the other ladies?â She turns to you, not even waiting for him to answer, but he doesnât mind. âYouâll love them, theyâre in the same field as us for some of the other drivers. Come on!â
âIâll be here,â he says softly as you slide your arm free, following Ash across the room.
Mingyu strolls back now that the coast is clear, two drinks in hand. He passes one to Vernon, who nods in thanks before taking a sip.
âSo,â Mingyu begins, leaning in slightly. âWanna tell me what youâre doing with Youngminâs sister? Does he know?â
âMind your business, âGyu,â Vernon replies, keeping his tone light but sharp. For a moment, he had forgotten that Mingyu had met Youngmin before. What surprises Vernon more, though, is that he recognized you immediatelyâjust from old photos heâd seen years ago in your childhood home.
âYouâre playing a dangerous game, my friend,â Mingyu warns with a smirk. âIâd come clean sooner rather than later. Especially if sheâs looking at me like that.â
Vernon follows Mingyuâs gaze across the room. Youâre huddled with the other women, laughing and sharing stories, but your eyes are fixed on him. Good.
âBetter to ask for forgiveness than permission,â Vernon half-jokes, a grin tugging at his lips, eyes refusing to leave yours.
âIâll drink to that,â Mingyu chuckles, shaking his head, clearly amused, and just a little impressed.
More drivers drift over to chat, their voices blending as Vernonâs attention is only half on them. Minutes later, his focus slips again, drawn to you across the room, catching those little, lustful glances you exchange like a private line runs between you.
The string band shifts tempo, the music slowing into a languid, intimate rhythm, practically inviting couples onto the dance floor.
âExcuse me, fellas,â Vernon says with a low voice, before he strides toward you.
âMay I have this dance?â He whispers over your shoulder. You shiver, not having noticed him walk over to you, but take his hand.
Vernon guides you onto the floor, pulling you closer as he slides his arms around your body. His hand rests low on the small of your back, anchoring you to him, while your arms loop over his shoulders.
Your fingers soon find the soft hair at the nape of his neck, tugging slightly, testing him. He leans his head in close to yours, lips brushing the shell of your ear, guiding you effortlessly in time with the slow, intoxicating rhythm. The heat between you builds, each turn and sway adding more fuel to the fire.
Just as the song is winding down, his breath, hot and teasing, fans against your ear.
âLeave with me.â
It isnât a question. Thereâs no pleading, and heâs not asking. Just a magnetic demand that makes your pulse spike.
As the final notes fade, you both slide off the dance floor, seamlessly moving into the crowd as the next song begins. His hand stays planted on the curve of your lower back, fingers slowly rubbing, memorizing.
He knows heâs playing unfairly, and he doesnât care. After holding off for so long, after feeling your skin against his just once, he canât take his hands off you. Not now, not ever.
The cab ride back to the new hotel is a study in restraint and temptation. Vernonâs fingers twirl a loose strand of your hair absentmindedly, brushing it away from your neck while your hand drifts higher up his thigh. Your fingertips trace the inner seam of his pants, sending little jolts of electricity straight to his cock.
Neither of you speaks, but words arenât necessary. You both know youâre playing a dangerous game, testing how far you can push the other without giving in, daring the other to crack first.
In the elevator, the energy in the air shifts. His eyes lock with yours for the hundredth time that evening, yours instinctively dipping lower to his lips before flicking back up. Waiting, teasing, measuring. He mirrors you, the faintest smirk playing on his mouth, neither willing to make the first move but both aching to.
The doors slide open onto your shared floor, the soft hum of the elevator retreating to the lobby fading into the background, leaving the hallway intimately silent.
âComing?â Vernon asks, holding his hand out. Itâs an invitation, a challenge loaded with unspoken promises. You know what this means, and so does he. What he doesnât know, however, is whether youâll accept.
After what feels like an eternityâthough in reality itâs only a few heartbeatsâyou slip your hand into his, letting him guide you to his private suite.
He unlocks the door quickly, eager to pull you inside. Your lips finally meet as it clicks shut behind you.
One of his hands threads into your hair, fingers tangling in the fiery strands, while the other tilts your jaw, angling your face perfectly toward him. A small, startled gasp escapes him as your hand cups him through his pants, the heat of your touch making him shiver.
Vernon pulls back just enough to drink you in. His eyes are dark as he traces the curve of your lips, admiring the flush of your cheeks, the way your body presses against his. Every detail before him is a vision he wants to memorize, savor, and lose himself in.
âDonât you know red is my favorite color?â Vernon murmurs, his hands sliding over your silk-covered curves. âYour hair, that dress, even your lipstickâitâs all driving me fucking insane.â
Your arms loop around his neck, yanking him closer until your mouths collide again in a fight for dominance. The kiss is wild and hungry, neither willing to surrender. His tongue dives into your mouth, stealing a moan from your throat, the noise making his length twitch against the fabric of his pants. Itâs a sound he clearly hopes will be on repeat tonight.
When he finally breaks away, his thumb drags across the corner of your mouth, smearing the crimson thatâs already starting to blur. He pauses, eyes dark with mischief. âThink what remains of your lipstick will stay in place while you choke on my cock? I want you ruined,â he says, voice thick with want. âI want visual proof of what I do to you.â
Your body tingles hearing his words, and heat rushes right to your core. "Let's find out," you breathe, lowering onto your knees. Your fingers fumble to undo his belt. At this point, youâre driven by need more than patience. Youâre eager to taste him, craving for your mouth to be full of him.
Dropping down to your knees, your hands instinctively reach for his belt, forcefully undoing it before unzipping his pants and pushing them down a few inches.
Vernon's thick erection tents in his boxers, teasing you for what's to come. Licking your lips, you watch as one of his tattooed hands reaches in to pull his length out. He pumps it slowly before lining his swollen tip up to your parted lips.
He lets out a shaky breath as you enclose your warm, wet mouth around his cock.
He watches you with a slow, burning smile, his other hand reaching down to guide you closer to him, taking control of the pace.
âOpen wide, babygirl," he demands, "We're just getting started..."
You obey, flattening your tongue to shield his velvety flesh from your lower teeth as he eases himself deeper into your mouth, inch by inch.
The swollen tip nudges the back of your throat, and your eyes water instantly. You blink through the sting, taking calming breaths through your nose. He starts to move, slowly at first, then deeper, forcing you to open wider. To take more of him with every push.
âShit,â he hisses, jaw tight as he stares down at you, looking up at him. âSo fucking pretty with my cock down your throat.â
His fist tightens in your hair, keeping you steady as he uses your mouth, wet sounds filling the room. Drool spills past your lips, running down your chin and slicking his length as he stretches your throat wider, deeper, until you can hardly breathe.
A guttural groan rips from his chest, vibrating through you, making your pussy throb. You moan around him without thinking, the vibration making him jerk hard inside you. The sudden thrust makes you gag, throat convulsing.
He eases back just enough to let you gasp for air, his thumb brushing away the tears streaking down your cheek. The moment you nod that youâre ready, you sink down again, swallowing him greedily, your hand twisting around the thick base you still canât fit past your lips.
âHoly f-fuck,â he stutters, the cracks in his voice betraying how close he is. âIâm alreadyâfuckâso close. Donât you see what you fucking do to me?â His free hand shoves through his damp hair, eyes dark with desperation as you suck harder, working him like you were made for it.
His hips twitch uncontrollably, teeth bared, the muscle in his jaw ticking. âIâm gonna comeââ
You take him deeper, throat stretching as you swallow around him, determined to claim every drop. Thatâs all it takes. His body shudders violently, head tipping back as hot, thick ropes of release spill against the back of your throat.
âSuch a good cockslut. Come back up here,â he growls, fisting your hair and yanking you upright. The sharp sting makes you gasp, the pain rolling into pleasure as it shoots straight down to your cunt, flooding you with heat and slickness.
You stumble into him, pushing him further into the suite. Your fingers claw wildly at his shirt, ripping it open. A pleased smile spreads across your face as buttons fall to the floor.
He chuckles darkly, though his eyes are blazing. âThis is a ten-thousand-dollar suit, Y/N.â
âI donât give a fuck,â you pant, dragging your nails down his chest. You lean in, using your tongue to trace along his tattoos below his peck. âI wanted to see more of you.â
His lips twitch into a dangerous smile. He understands, because he wants to see all of you, too.
âMy turn,â he murmurs, voice dropping low. His hands slide down your body, finding the hidden zipper of your dress. As it lowers, his mouth follows, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses over your ribs, your stomach, down toward your hips. He peels the gown away from you like unwrapping something forbidden.
By the time heâs kneeling, you take advantage, lifting your leg and pressing the sharp tip of your heel into the hard plane of his chest. He topples backward onto the bed, catching himself on his elbows, eyes flashing with hunger.
âYou had your turn already,â you smirk.
The view nearly ruins him. From the pointed heel indenting his bare skin, his gaze trails up the smooth line of your calf, past the soft curve of your thigh, and straight to your pussyâbarely covered by sheer panties already soaked through. A dark, wet spot clings to the delicate fabric, betraying just how badly you want him.
His cock throbs violently. Fuck. Best view in the world.
Your hand slips down between your legs, fingers gliding over the damp fabric. You rub slow, lazy circles, smearing the wetness and making the patch darker, bigger, until the sound of your slick fills the air.
He grits his teeth, fists clenching at his sides as a groan rumbles in his chest. Watching you touch yourself is pure torture. He lasts three seconds longer before snapping.
âFuck this,â he growls, surging forward, ready to tear those panties aside and devour you whole.
Vernon doesnât bother being gentle. He manhandles you, tossing you onto the bed like you weigh nothing. The mattress dips beneath your body, and before you can catch your breath, heâs on you. His mouth trails hungry kisses from the black lacy bra he was dying to see earlier, down your stomach. Each press of his lips leaves a hot ache inside of you, until heâs hovering right over your soaked core.
His tongue flicks out, tasting you through the sheer fabric of your panties, dragging slowly over the damp spot that betrays how badly you want him. His nose nudges against your swollen clit, sending a jolt through your body, but just when you arch up for more, he pulls back.
A low laugh vibrates in his throat as he hooks his fingers into your waistband and peels your panties down achingly slow, teasing you with every inch of exposed skin. They slide off your legs, landing somewhere on the floor.
Instead of returning to your cunt right away, he shifts his focus to your heels, running his hand over the delicate strap circling your ankle. His gaze lingers on the snake detail coiled there, metallic and gleaming against your skin. His lips brush over it in reverence.
Itâs like a piece of him is already a part of you. And fuck, does he like that.
His hands spread your thighs wide, and before you can plead, he thrusts two fingers deep inside your drenched pussy. The stretch has you crying out instantly.
âCanât wait to split you open on my cock,â he murmurs, voice thick with possessive hunger.
Pumping his fingers into you, he groans after hearing obscene wet sounds. âThink this pussy can handle all of me?â
âY-yes,â you whine, head tipping back, legs falling open even wider in offering. âYes, take me. Please!â
But he doesnât give in, not yet. âYou have to come first,â he rasps, curling his fingers upward until they press right against a spot that makes your vision blur. âI need to know youâre ready for me.â
Your back arches off the bed as he fingers you with ruthless precision, his thumb brushing over your clit while his fingers drag against that perfect place inside you. Heat coils tight in your belly, and your entire body quivers uncontrollably, desperate moans slipping past your lips as he drives you closer and closer.
âCome on, baby, I know youâre close. Come for me,â he coaxes, voice rough with need. His mouth lowers to your chest, lips sealing around one soft peak through the lace, sucking until your back arches off the bed. His tongue swirls over your nipple, slow and deliberate, before his teeth graze just enough to make you gasp. He releases that side only to move to the other, giving each equal attention.
You wriggle your arms behind you, unhooking the bra and tearing it off you, tired of the thin barrier.
âPerfect fucking tits,â he groans against your skin, lavishing you. âI could stay here all night between them, but I still need to taste you.â
He trails lower, his kisses brushing down your ribcage, back across your belly, until heâs hovering between your thighs again, his tongue leaving teasing licks.
The coil inside you tightens unbearably, your muscles trembling as the pressure builds.
âCome all over my fingers and lips. You can do it, pretty girl. Let go for me.â
His words cut the final thread of your control. The coil snaps, pleasure exploding through your veins as your whole body shudders. You scream his name as you come, clenching around his fingers, soaking his hand.
But he doesnât stop, he wonât let you float down just yet.
His mouth seals over your swollen clit, sucking hard, tongue flicking mercilessly while his fingers keep pumping in and out of you. You thrash beneath him, the overstimulation sending you spiraling higher, your climax stretching into one endless, drawn-out wave.
He moans like a man possessed, like he canât get enough. His hands slide up the backs of your thighs, gripping tight, dragging you down the bed until your cunt is flush against his face. He devours you, tongue plunging inside to lap at your juices while his thumb circles your clit in unbearably slow, teasing strokes.
âF-fuck, Vernon!â you cry out, voice breaking. âOh my god!â
Another orgasm tears through you without warning, crashing harder than the last, your thighs clamping around his head as you convulse.
And still, heâs reluctant to let go, but his cock is throbbing, demanding to be inside you.
He strips off the last of his clothes in a rush while you kick your heels off, the thud of them hitting the floor drowned out by the sound of his ragged breathing.
He grips himself, thick and hard, and drags the head through your slick folds, smearing you open before lining up. With one brutal snap of his hips, he slams inside, bottoming out so deep you choke on a cry.
âFuck,â he snarls through gritted teeth, your pussy clamping down on him like a vise. His whole body shudders at the stretch before he starts pounding into you, fast and merciless, each thrust shaking the bed beneath you.
Youâre panting, gasping for air as your nails dig into his inked biceps, clinging to him like youâll disappear otherwise. He groans at the sting, fucking into you harder as though your claw marks are fueling him.
His big hands move to your breasts, thumbs rubbing over your peaked nipples, squeezing the soft flesh rougher than he should. âPerfect tits,â he grits out, watching them bounce wildly with every violent thrust. The sight makes his cock twitch inside you, driving him even crazier.
Heâs pictured this ever since that very first night at the club, when your tits were on display in front of his face for your dance performance, celebrating his win that night.
The real win is happening right now; this is the best prize. Youâre the only reward he wantsânow and forever.
Sweat drips from his temple as he presses his forehead to yours, snarling with the effort of holding himself back from breaking you completely. His rhythm is relentless, hips snapping against yours, the sound of skin on skin echoing in the room.
You hook your legs around his waist, ankles locking tight, and the shift gives him a deeper angle. One that makes you let out a broken cry as he pounds your sweet spot again and again. Your nails drag down his back, leaving angry red streaks heâll feel for days. So worth it.
âTake it,â he growls, voice rough and desperate. âTake this cock like you fucking begged for it.â
Every thrust steals your breath, every graze of his length against your walls has you unraveling faster, dragging you helplessly toward the edge. And he wonât let up until you shatter around him.
âCome on. I want you to fucking lose it on me. I want you to scream.â
Your body bows beneath him as the coil inside you snaps. Pleasure crashes through you violently, and you cry out, clenching down around him as he fucks you through it.
âThatâs it,â he growls, âMilk my cock. Youâre not done, baby, not until I say so.â
He keeps slamming into you, cock hitting every spot that has you trembling. Itâs too muchâyour body spasms, another orgasm tearing through you so hard your throat goes raw from the scream.
âGood fucking girl,â he breathes, watching your face contort with pleasure, watching your body writhe beneath his. His hand slides between you, thumb circling your clit in tight, ruthless strokes. âYouâre gonna come again. Gonna come until you canât take it.â
Tears prick your eyes, but your pussy is already fluttering around him, dragging you into yet another release. Your legs shake violently, body a mess of moans and broken cries.
Youâre limp beneath him, wrecked from orgasm after orgasm, but heâs still pounding into you, chasing his own high. His thrusts grow sharper, less controlled, his hips jerking as his restraint finally begins to unravel.
âThis fucking cunt,â he growls, teeth bared as he slams into you again, harder, deeper. âSo tightâsqueezing the life out of me.â
You cling to his shoulders, your nails digging crescent moons into his sweat-slick skin. Every time he drives into you, your walls clench helplessly around his cock, milking him, dragging him closer to the edge.
His rhythm stutters, a guttural groan ripping from his chest. He leans down, his forehead pressed into the crook of your neck, his breath ragged and uneven. âIâmâfuck, Iâm gonna come.â
The words make your pussy clench tighter, and he hisses, hips snapping harder as his thumb finds your clit again, circling mercilessly. âTake it,â he snarls, voice breaking with desperation. âTake every drop.â
His whole body locks up, cock buried to the hilt as the first hot rope of cum shoots into your core. A raw cry tears from his throat as he jerks inside you, thick spurts spilling deep, filling you so full it leaks out around his length with every shuddering thrust.
He rides it out, rutting through his orgasm, forcing it deeper as he chases every last wave of release. âHoly fuck,â he groans, teeth sinking lightly into your skin as his cock twitches inside you.
Finally he slows, collapsing against you with his chest heaving. His cock is still nestled deep, pulsing as the aftershocks wrack his body. His arms cage you in, holding you possessively, sweat mingling as his lips brush over your temple.
âMine,â he mutters, his voice low and rough, the word becoming more of a vow than anything else.
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