still together, still going strong (despite the closet)
โผ๏ธ this is just my opinion; everyone interprets music however they want. you donโt have to agree
today i reblogged a post about the waiting game being about being in the closet and i wanna talk more about it!
im not trying to affirm this, but for a while now, specifically since the walls-fine line era, i think harry wants to come out of the closet, but louis doesnโt (technically, i think he has much more mixed feelings about it than harry). that doesnโt mean at all that louis isnโt proud (he is, in fact, he shows it all the time) or that he doesnโt want us to know theyโre still together (he shows that all the time too lol), but i think he โdoesnโtโ want to publicly come out and harry does.
thereโs absolutely nothing wrong with either stance, i think both are totally understandable and none of us can say for sure what we would do or how we would feel in that situation. i think louis has more than valid reasons for believing itโs a bad idea, and his situation is more complex than harryโs. letโs be honest, he has a babygate, a history of long-term โgirlfriendsโ and not just pure stunts and the general public isnโt as convinced that he's LGBTQ as they are with harry (yes, itโs true that there are a lot of people in denial about harry ik, but come on, we all know a lot of them believe heโs at least bi).
it began with the contrast between golden and lights up with walls and defenceless for me (i think those four songs are about themselves, their fame and their relationship).
โheโs goldenโ โim hoping someday im open. i know that youโre scared because im still hopingโ โi know youโre scared because im so openโ โim hoping someday youโll openโ and everything lights up (and the context in which it was released) it really contrasts with:
โand im too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by youโ i donโt care about being open with everyone anymore, i donโt want to be strong and put up with what that involves, i just want to love you and be loved by you. nothing else.
time passes, and we get to the harryโs house-fitf era. we met keep driving, satellite, face the music and ooms. (this is when i think louis starts to have more mixed feelings, when he really starts to wonder โwhat if..โ)
โwe share the last line then we drink the wall till you wanna talkโ โspinning out waiting for ya to pull me inโ
โa small concern with how the engine soundsโ โi would ask, should we just keep driving?โ weโre moving forward, yes, but im concerned about how weโre going. i hear the problem. should we just keep going as if nothing is wrong, or do we stop and look at the problem? how long are we going to pretend we donโt hear it?
then, on the one hand, we have face the music, which, like defenceless, emphasises โi want to be with you, but i donโt want to face this situationโ.
parallels between golden and face the music
but out of my system, aliveโs older sister, recognises that weight in him. i decide not to do anything, but it weighs on me. i know i have to resolve it one way or another. the situation is complex. i donโt want to do anything, i donโt even want to think about it. but im not blind, i see it affects me and my relationship.
we continue moving forward in time and arrive at hdigh-kissco era.
we are now at a point where louis recognises that the situation is more about him feigning insanity than the problem itself. itโs something inside his mind, fear, uncertainty. iโs not a question of โhow do i face it?โ, but rather โdo i really want to face it?โ that is why i think itโs a mixed feeling: at times i would like to, should i? if i donโt want to face it, why go through it? and i really think thatโs totally valid.
i donโt want to hear anyone say that itโs wrong for louis not to want to come out or that heโs โbad for not making that effort for harryโ.
no LGBTQ person should have to come out to anyone, and itโs a reality that consumes a lot of you, brings a lot of changes. and changes require time and energy (*cough habit cough*). sometimes youโre so tired of everything thatโs happening to you (im speaking for myself here) that you say, โdo i have to go through this right now? i know itโs a problem, but canโt it wait?โ fighting it is exhausting.
harry insists, let the light in. lights up. itโs better to find out if itโs going to be as bad as you think. itโs uncertain, but weโll be able to see the positive side. we like to dance, donโt we? letโs dance like itโs a dance floor even if everything goes wrong.
(and donโt get me started on face the music vs dance no more).
this seems like a quote. its something louis says in his songs. harry always continues with โwe belong togetherโ after this. can we say that heโs quoting him?
all those things you said to me when you had โlost your tasteโ and now you apologise. you played tough (โlonely in parisโ = separated from love) but you need love. my love. you know you call me โbabyโ and I already tell you i forgive you, but... this didnโt happen before, we used to fight more. youโre settling down, handling it more.
and while weโre at it, i think that the โphoneโ in both of their discographies is the allegory they use to refer to arguments about issues that make them feel distant (thatโs why the telephone, because itโs talking from a distance, not that they are literally separated and calling each other).
like this. morning calls = morning fights (i ainโt even woken up yet not nearly vertical๐ถ)
now, finally, back to the waiting game.
i think heโs talking about closeting. over the last few years, harry has been doing stunts that are too obvious, he doesnโt mention them or interact with them like he did when he was in 1D (theyโre literally more pap walks than anything else, he hardly even mentions them in interviews). and itโs always during the periods when he writes albums and releases them. and although holivia was a shit show etc etc we canโt deny that if youโre not actively in the fandom, the stunts donโt really have much impact other than in promotion and narrative for the general public. i think harry does it because heโs tired of it, heโs tired of being the โladiesโ manโ and he has every right to be exhausted (american girls? hellooooo)
louis is in a different situation. he does stunts for promotional purposes, yes, but his stunts are still much more of a beards than harryโs ever were. he always had beards until he broke up with eleanor for the second time. thatโs when his *proper* stunts began (yeah the party boy era, yeah, but if you ask me, that era and the babygate worked more as a beard than as a stunt if we look at it from a distance). basically, he puts more effort into pretending to be heterosexual, at least more than harry. and again, this is not about โwho is right or wrongโ, itโs an observation.
in this โmeanwhileโ, in this seemingly endless wait, you play the โwaiting gameโ. you keep pretending, you keep doing everything we do to wait. but it all adds up to nothing. emotionally dry years go by. you try to redo your โdesignโ but it all adds up to nothing.
we move forward in the album and we come across her, yes, coming up roses ๐นโจ
harry recognizes that he is putting pressure on something that he knows doesnโt need it. i was judging the whole journey, im sorry. i love you, i donโt need you to do this for me. you donโt have to decide between being with me and coming out or not being with me. i donโt want to see you cry about it anymore.
i always say they arenโt in a queer relationship like we would be/are, they are in a queer relationship in the public eye, under scrutiny. and i honestly believe that many people donโt give fame the weight it has in their songs. in a context where they are not A+ celebrities, we could perhaps interpret this as them having a thousand relationship problems and coming and going all the time. but knowing it? i think itโs clear that theyโre still together and always have been. every album since midnight memories has songs about being in a long-term relationship. โone proper relationshipโ
fame brings a thousand things that none of us will ever be able to fully understand. i donโt believe that all the supposedly acclaimed โbreak-up songsโ are about break-ups.
โsomebodyโs got your trainers on the ones that you wore when you walked out the doorโ i have your fucking trainers. i wear your clothes all the time. โyou walked out the doorโ you disconnected from the situation, you ignore me, โyouโre giving me the silent treatment, donโt know what it's achievingโ, but at the end of the day, i put myself in your shoes because we share them weโre both in the same boat.
โi saw your friend that you know from work he said you feel just fine i see you gave him my old t-shirt more of what was once mine i see itโs written, itโs all over his faceโ its me speaking in the third person about myself because i make a distinction between myself and the voices in my mind. โoh can you hear the voice? the one inside your headโ im that friend you met at work. you gave me back my t-shirt, which reminds me of what we used to share: first album post-1D, the โwe have learn how to go though this publicly separatedโ time. (space to clarify that i think they use clothes as a material symbol representing shared history and the passage of time). i know you can tell what im thinking even though im giving you the silent treatment because i feel like i donโt recognise you lately. i wake up and see your face and youโre becoming a stranger. โmy phone misses your calls btwโ at least fight with me so we can talk. we canโt keep ignoring the problem. comfortable silence is so overrated. eventually, we have to discuss this.
itโs a circle, or at least thatโs how it seems for now. at Manchester ONO, harry played ftdt, which is the beginning of how they ended up on coming up roses, the only song with harry being the only writer in his entire discography.
anywayyy they never broke up <3
